...or do a lot of stories slip past you during the holidays?

Things you might have missed lately:

Former senator and vice-presidential candidate John Edwards of North Carolina has declared that he will make another run for the Presidency in 2008. Wonderful. The field of Democrats running for President including, Tom Vilsack of Iowa, Dennis Kucinich of Krypton, plus the undeclared trio of Kerry, Clinton, and Obama, have made this race more crowded than the men's room at Giant Stadium during half-time. (At least in the men's room everyone has a plan.)
Seriously, when Dennis Kucinich looks at himself in the mirror in the morning, does a President looks back?

It wouldn't surprise me if William Jefferson of Louisiana declared himself a candidate, especially now that the Justice Department has unfrozen his assets.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Somalian army has captured Mogadishu.

Wait...hold on a second! Isn't Mogadishu in Somalia? Does this mean that the Somalian army has captured its own capital? Can I get a Risk ruling here? Is this even legal?
In a never-ending effort to confuse Westerners, the countries of eastern Africa are at it again. On a continent where national boundaries are drawn with an Etch-A-Sketch and country names change with the frequency of Brittany Spears' hair color, the events of the last week shouldn't surprise anyone.
If you haven't been following this story too closely, do not fret. The entire picture will change in a week anyway.

___________________________________________________________________

The FDA has declared that cloned foods are safe to eat.

Where stands the Christian Right on cloning sheep? Probably right behind the idea. (OK, that was cheap.)
Considering the green onion scare at Taco Bell and the spinach murders due to E. coli, it's nice to know that there is at least one type of food that doesn't require a skull and crossbones on the label. The government is suggesting that Americans import all there food from theislandofdoctormoreau.com. Works for me.
The whole concept of cloning is a little scary. I'm less afraid of producing cloned Joseph Stalins than I am of creating one more Kevin Federline.

_____________________________________________________________________

Mike Tyson has been arrested again.

Shocking!
The former heavyweight rape champion and all around screw-up was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence and cocaine possession. Those of you who took the "over" on whether Tyson would reach 40 years old, congratulations. I would have bet against it myself.
As punishment for his many and varied transgressions, Tyson should be required to tour America's high schools as a lesson on what can happen when you have talent, money and no brains.

___________________________________________________________________


As of midnight on New Year's Eve smoking is no longer permitted in Washington D.C. restaurants and bars.
The ancestral home of the smoke-filled room will officially suspend the practice starting in January. That's a shame. I had hoped for a return to the concept of fifteen or twenty old pols gathering in one room to name candidates who might actually be electable. Having suffered through a primary system that has delivered Mike Dukakis, Bob Dole and George W. Bush, even a dartboard would be an improvement.

___________________________________________________________________


Saddam Hussein is no more. The Iraqi government and the Iraqi courts have learned much from their American handlers.

America has traveled half-way around the world to depose and execute a tyrant. The administration and even the "liberal media" has tried to paint this as a good thing. Sorry to have to tell you this America, but everything the French say about you is true. You have been made to look like a bunch of arrogant cowboys.
The U.S. had the opportunity to do the right thing here. We had the chance to retake the moral high ground. Instead we determined to prove to the world that we can be just as brutal and savage as those we replaced.
No one, including me, is shedding a tear over the extermination of Saddam Hussein but we should feel some anger that our leadership has made us look so small and vengeful on the world stage. Thanks George and a Happy New Year to you ,too.

___________________________________________________________________

Monica Lewinsky has received a Masters from the London School of Economics.

Ms. Lewinsky, now 34, probably discovered that London wasn't near far enough away to outrun her reputation. Perhaps Jupiter.
In today's Washington Post, Richard Cohen makes the case for allowing Monica to move past the events of 1995-1999. I agree. All of the jokes have been done and it's time to move on. As Mr. Cohen observed, most of us have been lucky enough not to have the stupid and dangerous escapades of our youth plastered across the front page of every paper from here to Madagascar. Let he among you who is without sin...
Isitjustme wishes only the best for Ms. Lewinsky in the future. However, a word of caution. Next time, don't tell anyone and for God's sake, don't keep the dress.

...did Gerald Ford do pretty good for a guy elected President by the third district of Michigan?

Isitjustme is not in the business of speaking ill of the recently departed. There are plenty of living people around to speak ill of. However President Ford always struck me as a guy who never expected to be President and therefore wasn't quite sure what to do next. Delightfully, he seems to have gotten it right most of the time. If he had managed to win a second term, (having not won a first term), I'll bet he would have been a great leader.

With the passing of President Ford, a seemingly decent human being, one is inevitably transported back in time to the days just after Watergate. It was a dark time in America. Decent human beings in Washington were harder to find than a book in Jessica Simpson's house.

Contrary to the published reports of the time, the country was truly united behind a singular issue...we all hated Richard Nixon. Now that man was a uniter. Watching him flash the peace sign as he boarded the helicopter on Aug. 9,1974 was a thrill for everyone. If L. Frank Baum had staged the event, a house would have landed on him.

Gerald Ford took the oath of office with a look on his face not unlike a deer standing on I-95. Having never run for President, he wasn't prepared to be President. His honeymoon lasted about as long as it took him to find the oval office bathroom. He immediately surrounded himself with the best Republican minds of the time. Giants like Dick Cheney, Don Rumsfeld (does this sound familiar?) Jim Baker, and of course Al Haig. All of these geniuses told the new president to let Dick Nixon take his chances with the courts. "If you pardon him," they said, "it will look like a deal was made before he resigned. The country wants his blood. If you let him off the hook, you can never win re-election." Well, he did and he didn't.

Gerald Ford will, hopefully, be remembered as the President who ignored Rumsfeld, Cheney, and the "smart guys" in the White House. He did the right thing and it cost him. Sadly, those same dopes that had all the answers for Jerry were still on hand ten years later to help Ronald Reagan blunder into Iran-Contra and assist George Bush, Sr. with his "no new taxes" speech. Now we have Texas George who, having never had an original thought, is only too willing to listen to the men that have helped torpedo several of his predecessors, including his Dad. Paging Dr. Kissinger!

The new definition of madness in America is to keep taking advice from the same people and expecting a different result.

...or is it absolutely impossible to pick a favorite in the Rosie v Donald scuffle?

I really did try to leave this one alone. Mostly because I have a deep-seated bias against Donald Trump. Trump really does give wealth a bad name. He also makes writers run to their thesaurus for apt descriptions. Words that bubble to the surface include: churlish, obnoxious, pretentious, insufferable, mean-spirited (who thinks "You're fired" is a noble catchphrase?), self-promoting (one suspects that he has "Property of Donald Trump" tattooed on the backsides of his wives) and a general creep. Wow! I feel better.

Mr. Trump has what we call "George W. Bush Syndrome". He was born on third base and thinks he hit a triple. His real estate empire was built by his father Fred, and since then Donald has spent most of his time being Donald Trump. The term "media whore" takes on a whole new meaning with Mr. Trump. He has affixed his name to things like: a line of men's clothing, bottled water, disposable cameras, and a soon-to-be-released vodka. That's aside from Trump Towers, Trump Castle, Trump Magazine, blah, blah, blah.

In addition, Mr. Trump also owns The Miss Universe Organization along with NBC. This "scholarship foundation" owns the rights to the Miss Universe, Miss USA and Miss Teen USA Pagents. Presumably Donald is a participant in this sexist holdover from another time so that he can interview candidates for "Mrs. Donald Trump IV". It is the association with Miss USA that has precipitated his skirmish with Rosie O'Donnell.

It seems that Miss USA (quick, what's her name?) Tara Conner, got a little cocaine and vodka on her tiara (hopefully, it was Trump Vodka). Outed as a party girl she was spotted drinking and cavorting (she turned twenty-one at Christmas) in New York. As a result she was virtually assured of being stripped of her title. Just as she was about to mail her WalMart application back to her Kentucky hometown, Mr. Trump intervened and is allowing her a "second chance". The mind boggles at the thoughts of what inducement Ms. Conner might have employed to persuade Big D to relent.

Enter Rosie O'Donnell, recent addition to the panel on the ABC daytime show "The View". Rosie did a credible imitation of Donald Trump's comb-over as well as brief rant on how Mr. Trump, divorced twice after two affairs, could hardly set himself up as the voice of moral authority in America. It was a little funny but hardly up to the standard that Rosie has set when making us laugh observing her personal life.

In response, Donald reminded us all of how small a big man can be. His tirade against poor Rosie included every childish invective he could think of except the one he needed, "Stick and Stones may break my bones..." The wounded Mr. Trump has even threatened a law suit. Memo to Donald: You are a public figure. You can't sue (successfully) just because someone made fun of you. Your biggest fear should not be the abuse of daytime comics. It should be the possibility that America gets tired of you telling us all how successful you are. Remember, any press is good press, especially when your principle claim to fame is inheriting your father's empire and appearing in MasterCard ads.

But look on the bright side. If you career as an over-inflated air bag goes bust, you can always petition to have a library built on the campus of SMU. It seems that they have a penchant for heroes that succeeded the old fashion way... they let Dad do it.

...is there one in every crowd including the House of Representatives?

There are 435 members of the United States House of Representatives. Most are white. Most are male. Most are just your garden-variety pols; lawyers, former state representatives, attorneys general, school board presidents, whatever. Most want to a good job representing the folks back home. A few are morons, which brings us to the the honorable gentleman from Rocky Mount, Virginia, Virgil H. Goode Jr.

It seems that Mr. Goode wishes to take exception to the fact that another Representative, Keith Ellison, has beliefs different from his own. Rep. Ellison (D-Minn.) has expressed a desire to repeat his induction to the House of Representatives by swearing on the Koran. House members do not swear on any book at the official ceremony; they just raise their right hand.

Mr. Goode has attacked Rep. Ellison's preference for the Muslim holy book and advised his constituents that he disapproves. In addition Mr. Goode has embraced this issue as proof that America and American values are being co-opted by foreigners. His statement demands that we..."stop illegal immigration and reduce legal immigration" lest we be overrun by, "persons from the Middle East".

Well thank God for stand-up guys like Virgil. (Is there a law that if your name is Virgil you must be from the south?) There are only a few problems with Brother Goode's comments. First, Keith Ellison is from Detroit and, unless I missed something in Time magazine recently, Detroit is still in the USA. Second, Mr. Ellison is a Muslim and he was elected with the full knowledge of his constituents. For him to take the oath of office on any other book would be foolish and probably contrary to his beliefs. Would Rep. Goode object if a Jew swore the oath on the Torah?

I suppose that this obnoxious rant could have been worse. Mr. Goode could have accused Rep. Ellison of helping with the attack on 9-11. He might have suggested that, having failed to defeat "them" over there, we must now confront them here. However the most troubling part of this is that the Virginia district that includes UVA, thought that this mope should represent them in Washington. Was David Duke tied up?

There are between 1.5 and 6 million Muslims in the US. (Accurate numbers are difficult to come by because mosques don't take attendance or record membership.) That represents about .5% to 1.5% of the American population. Of this group only about 25% are Arabs. 33% are African-Americans. (Considering how helpful traditional Christianity has been to Black America you can understand the interest in seeking an alternative.) It is therefore unclear as to whether Rep. Goode intends to restrict Arab immigration, Muslim immigration or all immigration. How about we seal the borders, close off the ports and scrape that silly verse off the Statue of Liberty.

Let's face facts. Virgil H. Goode Jr. is an opportunistic bigot. Had he lived in 1906 his targets would have been "Negros and Jews". Unless "Goode" is an American Indian name, one suspects that, at some point, his family were immigrants. Hopefully they were welcomed with more charity than Virge is extending to today's new Americans. Do us all a favor Virgil... don't reproduce. With any luck, your brand of "Americanism" will die with you.

...or is the real news in the back of the paper?

...Moving off page one...


Item

Newt Gingrich tells Tim Russert on Meet The Press that he "may" run for president in 2008. And you thought George W. was awful? The danger with Newt is that he actually has a brain and can form complex sentences. Quite a change from the current administration. Fortunately for us he's still carrying more baggage than a Miami matron in Europe.
Gingrich is proposing a change to the Constitution to curb freedom of speech in the face of terrorism. Wow! It sure is nice to know that old Newt isn't proposing anything crazy. Mr. Gingrich had better be careful or the next change to the Constitution will involve allowing foreign-born Americans like the California Grope-inator to run for president.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Item

In yet another burst of uncharacteristic good taste, News Corp has fired Judith Regan. You will remember Ms. Regan as the genius who thought a book and a pair of TV specials featuring OJ Simpson would be a "can't miss" idea. Reports concerning Judith are to the effect that she has the charm of a urinal cake without the pleasant smell. She will be missed in the same way that a cat misses a hair ball.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Item

The fighting French are pulling their "elite" 200-man special forces unit out of Afghanistan. An additional 1,100 Frenchmen under NATO command will remain in Kabul. It is expected that these soldiers will continue in their role as chefs, mimes, hair dressers and valets. The commander of NATO forces in Afghanistan indicated that this withdrawal leaves the military in a bind. The French were considered to be the "first responders" should the entire force chose to surrender. No replacement has been named but a call has gone out to the Italians.


____________________________________________________________________________________

Item

In a related story, sort of, the French are all in a dither over the possibility that the Chinese are sneaking truffles onto the market masquerading as French Black Truffles. Mon Dieu! Not that anyone you know would actually eat a truffle but the French have their bloomers in a twist because, "something covered in mud is difficult to identify and therefore easy to counterfeit". In a world full of terrorists, genocide, nuclear threats and global warming, it's comforting to see the French focusing their energy on truly important issues.

_____________________________________________________________________________________


Item

The United States has returned thirty-three men who had been held in the military detention facility in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba to their home countries. This move reduces the head count in Cuba to 395, most of whom have never been charged with a crime. Most were returned to Saudi Arabia and Afghanistan. President George W Bush stated in his weekly press briefing that this was being done as a humanitarian gesture so that the men could "spend Christmas with their families". No one bothered to tell the President that Muslims don't celebrate Christmas.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Item

Former Secretary of State Colin Powell has finally begun to distance himself from the Administration's failed policy in Iraq. In a statement supporting the conclusions of the Iraq Study Group, Powell stated that the US is losing the war in Iraq and that we should begin withdrawing our troops sooner rather than later. Had Gen. Powell spoken up two years ago, his remarks might have made it past page 20 in the Washington Post. America is eagerly anticipating Powell's new book. Working titles include, "If They Didn't Want My Advice Why Did They Make Me Secretary of State?...Oh, That's Why"

_____________________________________________________________________________________

…or are you as surprised as I am to see enlightenment surfacing in Georgia?

Yes there is an Eastern bias disease in the country and I admit to being infected. However, it is rarely a surprise to find the book burners and speech censors of the Religious Right gaining more traction in the South and Midwest than in the Northeast. No one in New York or Hartford would, for example, seriously suggest that sex education be limited to abstinence. Few people in Connecticut complain if the local high school football game doesn't begin with a lengthy prayer.It’s no accident that the Scopes-Monkey Trial was held in Tennessee and not in New Jersey.

The item that brought this issue to light today was a ruling by the Georgia Board of Education upholding a decision to permit the Harry Potter books to remain on the shelves of school libraries. The decision came as a severe blow to Laura Mallory, who has three children in the Gwinnett Georgia school system (What? no home schooling?). Ms. Mallory is convinced that the J.K. Rowlings novels promote witchcraft. And you all thought the only wizards that prospered in Georgia wore white robes and carried crosses instead of wands!

Come to find out that the Potter books are under attack with fair frequency. Specifically,their suitability as reading material for kids has been called into question on 115 separate occasions since 2000. That's more than the Wizard of Oz. The runaway success of the books and the films is probably the reason.

In a free society of 300 million folks, the ranting of a few kooks should hardly provoke any sort of reaction, except that in some sections of America (there's that bias again) this sort of nonsense actually gets a hearing. My guess is that the bible-pounding citizens of Missouri and Nebraska assume that, because they treat the bible as the literal word of God, children will do the same with Harry Potter. These are the same people who wanted Superman taken off TV because they feared that children would tie a towel around their necks and attempt to fly from the garage roof. (OK. So a few dimwits actually tried but I wasn't seriously hurt.)

Children have a thing called imagination. Most appear to understand the difference between real and make-believe. (Perhaps they could recommend a reading list to Rev. Falwell.) The Road Runner makes children laugh; not attempt to drop a safe on their friends. Sponge Bob presumably is not causing kids to attempt to live at the bottom of the pool. The stupidity of these protests is that the Harry Potter books only use sorcery as a device to tell a magical tale of a young boy coming to grips with who he is. Seemingly the absence of a "deus ex machina" moment offends the God squad who thinks that nothing happens without Divine guidance.

These over-protective parents do more harm than just waste time at the local PTA meeting. They make school boards skittish about introducing new material into the libraries. The books should be chosen for their diversity of ideas, not conform to any one group's idea of what is suitable. Here's an idea: if you don't want your child reading a particular book, be a parent and tell him/her not to read it. If you don't want Suzie to read, "Sally Has Two Mommies" by Mary Cheney, make your feelings known. Just don't march down to the school board and superimpose your prejudices on everyone.

Anyway, hats off to Georgia. First, they took the stars and bars off the state flag (and only 150 years late) and now this. We Northeastern know-it-alls may have to revise our prejudice. Where stands Georgia on evolution and condoms?

or should the clipping service continue?

News in Review Vol III

Item

Doro Bush Koch, daughter of former president George H.W. Bush and presumably sister to the “Genius of 1600” has released a new memoir titled, “My Father, My President”. So who knew that George W. had anything but a dopey brother? Anyway, we applaud any enterprise that keeps Bush children away from political office. Upon hearing about his sister's account of George 41’s life, the President was heard to comment, “Great. Now maybe I’ll find out what happened in my 20s.

___________________________________________________________________-
Item

In an effort to prove that there is a new sheriff in Washington, Sen. Harry Reid, Democrat from Nevada, will lead a 25-person boondoggle to South America for the holidays. Stops for this “fact-finding” mission include La Paz, Bolivia; Quito, Ecuador; and Machu Picchu for New Year's Eve. A private military jet ensures that baggage and airports will not be a problem.
For any of you who thought that perhaps the last election had sent a message to your lawmakers regarding the use of perks, think again. "New boss, same as the old boss."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Item

On the subject of tone-deaf leadership, the White House, in the person of Clueless George, is said to be completely “altering his approach” to the War in Iraq (four and a half years and 3,000 dead Americans too late). Altering his approach? Talk about rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic! Assuming that the original approach was intended to create 50,000 dead Iraqis, cause civil war in an otherwise stable country, create chaos in the region, and endanger Israel; you would have to say that the approach so far has been a stunning success.
Stay the course, George.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Item

Members of the family of Billy Graham are feuding over where the popular evangelist, now 88 and ailing, should spend eternity(his body, anyway). Graham’s eldest son, Franklin, is in the process of constructing The Billy Graham Library in Charlotte, N.C. Unencumbered by books (there are none), this facility will function as a ecumenical theme park, equipped with a talking cow that explains Reverend Graham’s roots as a North Carolina dairy farmer. (You can’t make this stuff up.) The star attraction will be the graves of the Reverend and Mrs. Ruth Bell Graham. Sprinkled throughout the barn-shaped structure will be several places for visitors to sign up to spend eternity being pestered for donations. Amen.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Item

In a related story (sort of), Jay Bakker, son of 80s God-squad icons Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker, has gone into the family business. Reverend Bakker (pastor of the Church of the Perpetually Weird) sports a lip ring, arms full of tatoos, and Harry Carry glasses. He has landed a six episode mini-series on the Sundance Channel where he discusses himself, his Revolution Church, and himself. Jim Bakker, now out of the slammer, is naturally proud of young Jay. Tammy Faye is quite ill so we'll leave the mascara lines for another time.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Last Item

Iran officially opened the "International Conference Review of the Holocaust, Global Vision" - (who does their translating, Borat?) The conference, featuring such renowned scholars as David Duke of the Louisiana KKK, will try to determine if any Jews actually died at the hands of the Nazis during World War II. Time permitting, the conference may also cover the following topics: "The World Trade Center, Was it ever Really There?" and "Atlantis. Why is it that no Jews were on the island when it sank?"

...is a clipping service really that useful?

News in review volume II

Item

Brittany Spears has released a new infommercial video. The film explains the proper way to exit a sports car when you are visiting your gynocologist. Thanks to this demonstrational tape, all of the mystery regarding Ms. Spears C-section has been put to rest. Imagine, a photo that makes Paris Hilton appear lady-like!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Item

Having determined that Dennis Hastert, former Speaker of the House, ignored all warnings regarding the conduct of Mark Foley and the House pages, the House of Representatives has nonetheless decided against taking any disciplinary action. Dissatisified with the ruling, the Gay & Lesbian Taskforce voted to wheel Rep. Hassert on a hand truck (a la Hannibal Lector) to the front of the Capitol building and beat him repeatedly with a sock full of manure.

Excuse me but this overstuffed creep put politics ahead of the safety of young staffers in Congress. He needs to have his pension docked and be sent back to Illinois with a large "L" branded on his ample butt.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Item

In case you lost track, Representative William Jefferson of Louisiana has just defeated his closest opponent in a run-off election for the House seat that he has occupied for eight terms. Perhaps you remember Rep. Jefferson as the Congressman who redefined the term cold cash, having been found hiding $90,000 in marked bribe money in his freezer.
Mr. Jefferson hasn't allowed a pending indictment to stand in the way of his reelection bid. Rep. Jefferson is this week's recieptient of the Marion Barry "The Bitch Set Me Up" Award for political chutzpah. Let's also give a cheer to the morons in New Orleans who voted for this thief. Their choice is especially interesting considering that he will soon be a resident of the state of Kansas....Leavenworth, that is. We truly get the government we deserve.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Item

On the subject of awards, the "Richard Reid, You're Too Stupid to be a Terrorist Award" went to to Derrick Shareef of Rockford, Il. who tried to purchase four hand-grenades, a handgun, and ammunition from a Federal agent in exchange for his stereo speakers. Apparently his original plan involving playing the Red Hot Chilepeppers really loud, wasn't having the distructive effect that he had envisioned. Mr. Shareef can expect to recieve a lengthy sentence at the Neverland Correctional Facility For the Criminally Dumb.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Item

The local officials in Beijing, China hit upon a novel way to derail the prostitution trade in the Shenzhen region of the city. Having raided the karaoke bars, saunas, and barbershops, they marched the hookers and their johns through the streets. The idea was to shame the girls and their customers into contemplating more acceptable pursuits. Chinese officials admit that this action has little chance of success in the United States. Having seen the Victoria Secret Fashion Show on TV, the Chinese determined that Americans have no shame.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Item

President George W. Bush met today with the only remaining person in the world who still supports his Iraq policy. Mr. Bush thanked the man, who declined to give his name, for his continued support of a policy that has failed so miserably and completely. The meeting was cut short when the President discovered that, in fact, he no longer supported his own policy and therefore had to leave.

...or have we had enough of sheiks on a plane?

Question. How many imams does it take to screw up an airline?

Answer. Apparently six will do it.

As everyone knows, six muslim holy men were unceremoniously removed from a US Airways flight from Minneapolis to Pheonix last month. Although the accounts vary, it appears that they were:

Praying together before the flight;

Moving themselves around the plane and occuping seats other then those assigned to them;

Requesting seatbelt extenders (without exhibiting the requisite girth).

This activity freeked a female passenger to the point that she passed a note to a flight attendent. The message was presumably along the lines of, "We're all going to die if you let those terrorists fly with us". US Airways called the FBI and the offending Muslims were pulled off the flight. They were apparently furnished with a road map and shown the car rental counter.

What to do? What to do?

Isitjustme (in the person of its author) is a strong supporter of the ACLU. That support arises from a sense that, as in this case, someone needs to represent the imans. I believe that "flying while Muslim" is not a crime. We are a country founded on the principal of religious freedom. Just because a person practices his faith publically doesn't mean that he must take the bus. Would I have voted those six men off the plane? Absolutely.

What's this? A chink in the shining armour? A bigoted Baby Ruth in the swimming pool of civil liberties?

'Fraid so. The people of the United States (including me) can be forgiven for their reluctance to board a plane with six devout members of a religion that has not only publically denounced America, but blown up four aircraft inside this country.

Would we have ejected six praying nuns? How about six saffron-clad Buddhists? Of course not; and for the obvious reason that neither Jesus Christ nor Buddha is being quoted as an excuse for killing Americans.

There is no central voice of moderation in Islam. The religion is extremely decentralized and therefore difficult to get a handle on. However, we do know that four planes were taken in September of 2001 and that 3,000 lives were lost. At no time in the last four-plus years have we heard that Islam is sorry for that attack. No imam with any moral authority has stood up in America, Saudi Arabia, France, or anywhere else and said that the attack on September 11 was a disgrace to Muslims everywhere. All America knows is that this "War on Terror" isn't over and no one is anxious to become the next casualty.

On behalf of my fellow citizens, I'm sorry for the inconvienence suffered by the six men in Minneapolis. The imams are encouraged to contact the ACLU, Tim Robbins, Jesse Jackson, and anyone else that will advance their case. However, if you want to fly in America, lower your profile. Until we invent a device that separates good Muslims from sneaky ones you are going to be subject to additional scrutiny. Deal with it. Airline safty protects you, too.

As for those nuns...I knew a few that would have made great air marshalls. No guns. Just a ruler.

...are we all in need of a clipping service?

Items you may have missed...

Former president Jimmy Carter has just released his new book, “Palestine: Peace Not Apartheid”. This volume is Mr. Carter’s 21st. It’s now official: Jimmy Carter has written more books than George Bush has read…not counting “The Pet Goat”, which he was unable to finish.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Michael Vick, quarterback for the struggling Atlanta Falcons, apologized today for extending two middle-finger salutes to heckling fans after the Falcons loss to the New Orleans Saints. Mr. Vick said that he was sorry that he only had two hands, and therefore only two middle-fingers to express his feelings to the citizens of Atlanta. Vick has promised to enroll in the Jeremy Shockey School for Anger Management when the season ends.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Retail sales on "black friday" (the Friday after Thanksgiving) were up 19% this year with many shoppers waiting hours outside stores and malls. One tee-shirt was in particular demand this season. The shirt carries the WalMart logo over the words, "I have no life". The egregious garment comes equipped with its own gravy stains.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The entertainment world was stunned to learn that Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson were calling it quits after four months (that's 1,2,3,4 months) of wedded bliss. The couple had been married in three separate ceremonies over last summer. A spokesman for Ms. Anderson has suggested that Pamela's next nuptuals will be as part of the annual Sun Yung Moon ceremony in Yankee Stadium where she will marry all the men present.

In accordance with the community-property laws of the State of California, Mr. Rock said he expects to be awarded at least one of Pamela's breasts in the settlement.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Barbara and Jenna Bush, daughters of president-for-the-moment George W. Bush are continuing their vacation in Buenos Aires after Jenna Bush had her purse stolen. Serious concerns were expressed by the White House in that the purse contained a lipstick, Ms. Bush's driver liscense, a comb, and the Republican plan stablizing the situation in Iraq. Undaunted, the twins have decided to stay the course.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Mathew Brady Photo Library has released several recently discovered photographs taken during the weeks surrounding the assassination of President Lincoln. One of the photos appears to have been taken immediately after the president died. Included in the photo are Vice-president Andrew Johnson, Secretary of the Treasury Simon Chase, Interior Secretary James Harlen and Reverand Al Sharpton. Historians were not particularly surprised to see the Rev. Sharpton in the photo, but were amazed that the Rev. Jesse Jackson had been somehow cropped out.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

President Bush landed in Tallinn, Estonia on Monday on his way to a NATO conference in Riga, Latvia which begins today. Upon landing, Mr. Bush was heard to remark that he was amazed at how many countries there were that he had never heard of. Having recently watched the film, "Borat", the president was shocked to learn that Kazakhstan is a real place. He immediately began searching a nearby atlas for Freedonia and Sylvania.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dr. David Mininberg, a physican in New York City, presented a study Monday at the annual meeting of the Radiological Society of America, which proves conclusively that King Tutankhamun was not killed by his enemies. Dr. Mininberg, who is an expert on Egyptian medicine, performed several CT scans on the mummy. His findings have not only put the King Tut murder theory to rest, but have also prompted producer Jerry Bruckheimer to begin work on a new TV series staring Omar Sharif to be called, "CSI, Cairo".

...or would you do almost anything to make Yoko Ono go away?

As you perused The New York Times this past Sunday morning you may have spent a minute on the back cover of the "Week in Review" section. (Frank Rich is on vacation so you would have had an extra few minutes.) The message there was written, and presumably paid for, by the only person in America - and maybe the world - that doesn’t dislike Yoko Ono. It consisted of ten paragraphs of the most self-important drivel that you are likely ever to read.

Written as an open letter (to whom, I have no idea), the advertorial reminds us that December 8th is the 26th anniversary of John Lennon’s death. Yoko opines that the world hardly needs reminding. After all, doesn’t everyone remember exactly where they were when John was struck down in front of the Dakota?

The great tragedy of John Lennon's death is that it left the rest of us with the martyr's widow. Yoko has been standing on the body of her husband for so long that she would look strange alone. After all this time, she is still nothing more than the widowed wife of a Beatle. Her primary talent is that she has no talent of her own. As a writer, singer, artist, producer, poet, activist, stage-mom, and whatever additional endeavours John's wealth can support, she remains merely the junior partner of JohnandYoko.

Yoko and I do, however, share one sentiment. In her letter, she says that she doesn't know if "...she is ready to forgive the one who pulled the trigger." Amen to that. How can we possibly forgive Mark David Chapman? Not only did he murder the voice of a generation; he left us with Yoko.

Mrs. Lennon has opposed all four parole petitions for Mark Chapman so it's clear that her liberal charity hasn't made it as far as Attica. One suspects that if John were still alive, he would have shown a little more compassion. C'est la vie!

Nevertheless, should you find yourself near Central Park West in the next few weeks, let your mind drift back to a Monday night in December of 1980 when a senseless act of voilence silenced an artist with perfect pitch for his generation and left us with his tone-deaf wife. How's that for instant karma?

...were you surprised to learn that even Rupert Murdoch has a conscience?

There's an old joke that says, from now on lawyers will be used in laboratory experiments instead of rats. The reasons given were that:

- Lawyers are easier to find;

- You are less likely to become emotionally attached to them;

- and, there are some things that rats just won't do.

It now appears that there are some things that even Fox just won't do.

In case you've missed it, News Corp. and its publishing and broadcast arms (HarperCollins and Fox Entertainment) were about to release a book and a two-part interview with America's favorite un-convicted murderer, OJ Simpson. The book, titled, "If I Did It" was, if you believe in miracles, written by Mr. Simpson. At the last minute, Rupert Murdoch, ever-sensitive to the feelings of his adopted country, rode in from Australia and stopped the entire project.

This concept smelled so bad that the Fulton Fish Market was thinking of moving their operation to Jersey. Even Bill O'Reilly, the only American that doesn't hold his nose while passing 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., condemned the project.

And who do we have to thank for this bit of bottom-feeding entertainment? Why it's Judith Regan. Ms. Regan has made a career at The National Enquirer and HarperCollins by publishing books by porn star Jenna Jameson and former New Jersey Gov. Jim MeGreevey (post-outing, I presume). So successful was Ms. Regan at redefining the term "lowest common denominator" that she was given her own imprint, "Regan". I'm guessing that there is a sign in her office that says, "No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public". Hopefully, she is now humming the words to "One Toke Over The Line".

Still, Ms. Regan can hardly be blamed for thinking there is nothing that Fox Broadcasting won't do for a buck. The network that brought you, "Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire" and "Celebrity Boxing" would hardly be expected to find a two hour infomercial about OJ's book in bad taste. Face it, Fox wouldn't know bad taste if it ran up Rupert Murdoch's pant leg and bit him on the bollocks.

What Fox does understand is revenue. When this "programming" was announced, advertisers and Fox affiliates started running away faster than George Bush from a text book. (By the way, did you hear that three colleges in Texas are vying for the "privilege" of housing the George W. Bush Presidential Library? I wonder if it will contain a copy of "The Pet Goat"?) TV stations that would gladly line up for a chance to broadcast, "Who Wants to Eat a Urinal Cake" were jumping ship right and left. Not a single advertiser could be found to support this dreck. Even Lamisil, easily the most disgusting advertiser in creation, said no thanks.

Madison Ave. showed more class than the national book vendors. Borders said that they would sell the book but donate the proceeds to charity. Barnes & Nobles said that they would not stock the book but they would order copies if so requested. Stop it! How about a statement that says, "We here at Publishers-R-Us believe in the First Amendment. Orenthal James Simpson has the right to publish anything he wants. However, our stores wouldn't handle his book with asbestos mittens. It's degrading to the trees that were cut down to make the paper. Thank you."
To make matters worse, Ms. Regan tried to enlist the families of Nicole Brown-Simpson and Ron Goldman to "help" with the project. Actually, what News Corp. did was attempt to bribe the families into silence. The theory was that if either of the families took the money, they couldn't express outrage at the broadcast or the book. Thank God, both families declined.

Ultimately, Murdoch himself had to intervene. His statement would leave the impression that he was uninvolved in the original concept. Puh-leeze! No one at News Corp. would dare to green-light this bag of burning manure without checking with the big cheese. He gave himself just enough plausible deny-ability so that if the outcry became deafening, he could always rescue the ship.

I barely know enough adjectives to express my revulsion at this attempt to exploit what may be the worst miscarriage of justice since Dred Scott. It is encouraging that enough people in America were offended by this disaster that they were able to get it scrapped. Had the interview actually aired, I shudder to think how many of us would have been tempted to watch.

Presumably, OJ got the $3.5 million that News Corp. promised him. My fervent wish is that the contract included a one-way ride back to the golf course from which he was plucked. America never needs to hear from this man again. If the Pro Football Hall of Fame had any guts, they would relocate OJ's bust to a room that would only be visited by those who felt the call of nature.

It's too late to put this creep in jail. (Why is it that the only twelve people in the entire universe that think OJ is innocent were sitting on his jury?) Our only recourse is to make OJ Simpson invisible. And while we're at it, how about we make Judith Regan invisible too.

...or is anyone surprised that OJ is back?

I knew this would happen! It was just a matter of time before some TV executive would stand up at a meeting and proclaim, " I have an idea. Let's do something with OJ Simpson!" Actually, are you surprised that Fox is the purveyor of this sleeze. Even Al Jazeera has more class. Pretty soon America's favorite double murderer will be on Oprah. Then perhaps he'll sing the national anthem at the Super Bowl.

Spare me the, "innocent 'til proven guilty" speech. The American judicial system is still trying to live that trial down. Paging Judge Ito. Jack McCoy could have convicted this guy...and, in under an hour.

This creep deserves to be in San Quentin or in hell. He does not deserve to be on TV unless he's doing the "perp walk". Rupert Murdoch should be ashamed. (Like Rupert Murdoch is capable of shame.)


Please do not watch this interview no matter how curious you might be; and don't even touch the book. The only punishment available to America at this point is total ostracism. Ignore this creep.

...or am I the only Democrat that's glad to see Trent Lott back on top

Attend the tale of Trent Lott. Way back in the dark days of 2002, the Congress threw a little party for Strom Thurmond of South Carolina. At the time, Old Strom was really "Old Strom". He was about 141 years old. In South Carolina the motto is, why vote for someone who endorses segregation when you can elect someone who actually owned slaves.Thurmond served in the Senate for 48 years. That's longer than Ted Kennedy.
Anyway, at the party Trent Lott, then Senate Majority Leader, was asked to say a few words. If Trent had been lucky enough to trip on his way to the podium and fall off the dais he might have escaped with only a skit on Saturday Night Live. Unfortunately, he made it to the lectern and proceeded to drop kick his career into the nearest commode. Sen. Lott referenced Thurmond's 1948 run for the presidency on the States Rights Democratic ticket. As you might imagine this was not an especially progressive band of brothers. (There were actually no "brothers" anywhere to be seen.) Trent allowed that "if the country had followed our lead (Lott hails from Mississippi which went for Thurmond in '48) we wouldn't have had all these problems over the years either."

This seemingly small compliment to an old man was immediately taken as absolute proof that Lott was a pro-segregationist racist. Faster than you can say Jim Crow, Trent was out of the Senate leadership and almost out of the Senate. No one would return his calls. The White House acted like he had been sprayed by a skunk. Even the camera-shy Rev. Jackson took a few shots. Once again, no good deed goes unpunished.

However, if you accept John Kerry's story that he screwed up a joke (some people shouldn't try to be funny) rather than attempting to insult the intelligence of the people in the military, then you have to feel sorry for Trent Lott. His attempt at flattery cost him four years in Senatorial Siberia.

Recently in from the cold, Senator Lott was named Senate Minority Leader for 2007. I'm sure that the good senator has learned his lesson. For one thing, he can begin to understand the suffering of the minority. Also, if he should be invited to the David Duke Prayer Breakfast, he would be advised to make an excuse. Just say your doing a guest appearance on Saturday Night Live.

...or is it just too demanding to be a good liberal?

Anyone who has read more than one or two of these musings knows that isitjustme dresses a little to the left. Still, being a liberal entails more than just lampooning George W. Bush and extolling the virtues of Bill Maher. (no challenge there) To be a true liberal (small “L”) one must be tolerant of ideas that differ from your own. You are required to accept the concept that people with thoughts and beliefs so ridiculous as to be comical, are nevertheless, entitled to respect. (except Rush Limbaugh)

Conservatives have it easier. If your sentiments run toward the rigid, right-wing, neocons; no judgement is required . Something either agrees with your narrow view of the world or it’s wrong. Period. Either you whole-heartedly support the war in Iraq or you’re a traitor. Simple.

An article in today’s news, however, caused this writer to reevaluate his liberal credentials. It seems that the widows of two combat veterans are suing the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs because the government will not allow them to carve a Wiccan symbol on their husbands’ headstones. You just can’t make this stuff up.

Wiccans, as you may know, worship the Earth and are often referred to as white witches or pagans. The religion is a bit free-form but harmless. There thought to be over 134,000 Wiccans in America and, approximately 1,800 active servicemen who list Wiccan as their religion. That preference is noted on their dog tags. If one of them is wounded, I have no idea what sort of clergy is summoned, or what kind of incantation or spell is performed. (See, a true liberal would never make a remark like that.) Although I am not aware that any Wiccans are numbered among my friends, I'm sure that they are nice folks. They have as much right to have their religion recognized as anyone especially if they are expected to serve.

The Department of Veterans Affairs lists an astounding 38 different symbols that can be inscribed on headstones. For the complete list please consult http://www.cem.va.gov/cem/hm/hmemb.asp. Anyone out there who can name more than ten gets the isitjustme order of merit. Recognized symbols include:

Fifteen variations on the Christian cross (I defy you to draw more than six)

One symbol for Atheists (which is not a blank space)

A number of Asian groups who could certainly hold their North American Congress in a booth at Burger King.

And two symbols (Muslim and Christian Scientists) whose insignia cannot be displayed on the website for copyright reasons. I assume that the gravestones that display these emblems carry a circled “R” in the lower right corner. Disclaimer optional.

One sanctioned group is the Eckankars. The specifics on their beliefs are a little fuzzy but I do know that they were founded by Paul Twitchell of Paducah, KY in 1965. How this group managed to make the list and the Wiccans didn't is an issue that only the veterans affairs folks can answer. The University of Virginia has a great site on modern religions if you are considering a change.

As a card-carrying member of the ACLU, I am obliged to treat all beliefs with deference. Who am I to say that Catholicism is a bona fide religion and the Tenrikyo Church members are cultist nuts? Membership is a poor gauge. Just because your church mailing list would fit on a post-it note doesn’t mean that you lack credibility. Aren’t we all God’s/ Buddha's children?

However, if the family members of deceased veterans are given free reign on the choice of grave markers - where will it end? Agnostics will demand a question mark. Worshipers of the NBA will require a basketball (the old style, if you please). And speaking of Old Style, what of the beer affectionatos? You can see where all of this might lead. Diversity is one thing, but too much variety causes chaos. After all, in the immortal words of Frank Burns, “Individuality is fine as long as we all do it together”.

For the time being, thirty-eight choices would appear to be sufficient. If your particular brand of worship isn’t represented; stage a rally, call the media, contact Al Sharpton, (no wait....if you call the media, you won’t need to call Rev. Sharpton) and state your case to the microphones. As for me, I’ll be at the First Church of Al Franken seeking guidance on how to be a better liberal.

...or should America stop tearing itself apart over Roe v Wade?

The sound you heard across America on last week was Democrats patting themselves on the back and high-fiving each other. Having just swept the House and the Senate, the long suffering party of FDR and Jack Kennedy could once again hold its ideological head erect and look forward to two years of making George W. Bush the lamest of lame ducks. (In the lame dept., George has had a pretty good head start.)

However, now that the cheering has died, Democrats should take a serious look at why they won on Tuesday and how to make that success work for them in '08 and beyond.

First, many Americans didn't vote for the Democratic candidate. They voted against George Bush. Whether the contest was in West Virginia or Colorado; whether the seat was in the House or Senate; regardless of the dirty campaigns waged by the candidates; people voted against the Bush war. The message couldn't be more clear... Americans are sick to death of George and his war and they want out...now.

This sentiment was so overwhelming that even the Christian right was willing to ignore the fact that the Democrats are the party of abortion and gay marriage. If it takes something as unpopular as the Bush war to galvanize Christians to vote for a non-Christian issue, maybe there's a message here. Maybe it's time to stop giving Republicans the abortion club with which to beat national Democratic candidates. It may be time to allow Roe v Wade to be overturned.

By returning the abortion question to the states, we prevent inferior candidates like George W. from succeeding by professing a close personal relationship with God. Christians will be forced to make decisions like the rest of us. People of faith will (hopefully) choose a president based on his experience (Bush had none) and his accomplishments on the world stage (not just in Texas). Foreign policy, taxes, immigration and American security will become the real issues again. Face-it, my Christian brothers, in six years George W. Bush has done nothing to advance your cause on abortion. If this surprises you...it shouldn't.

Nevertheless, in 2008 we will play out the same scenario. The Republican candidate will stand fore-square for family values and against a women's right to choose. The Democrat, fearful of alienating his female base, will mumble something about being opposed to abortion personally, but...blah, blah. Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell will rush to the microphones to condemn the Godless Democrats and, once again, in a close race, a dolt like George W. Bush will emerge victorious. Karl Rove wins, America looses.

As the recent election has shown, the issues facing America are too important to be decided by a president elected over one issue; and a fringe issue at that.

Scrapping Rowe will work severe hardships on many American women. As usual, those women effected most will be at the bottom of the socio-economic scale. However, some states, (New York, California, Illinois, Vermont) will continue to permit choice, and private charities can be organized to help poor women get to those states. It won't be perfect, but we can figure something out.

Gay marriage has already been consigned to a similar fate. Until Americans wake up to the fact that gay citizens pose no threat to any aspect of human endeavor, individual states will continue to enact petty, small-minded legislation, persecuting people over their sexual orientation. This unfortunate (and hopefully transient) situation should, however, never find its was on to the national political stage. (To my gay friends, I'm sorry but you can't win this at the national level, and it's distracting.)

Abortion and gay marriages are recent issues. Prior to 1973, no one would ever have dreamed of raising the idea of legalizing abortion. Gay rights were unheard of. In the 33 years since Harry Blackmun wrote for the majority in Roe, we have made abortion the single most polarizing issue in American politics, with gay marriage close behind. Enough! These should not be the issues that determine who takes America to war and who spends American tax dollars. There are many important issues that Americans should consider before trekking to the polls in November 2008. The decision should never be automatic. Let's make it hard this time by throwing the litmus tests in the trash.

or would seeing new places be more fun if we didn't have to travel to get there?

The guy who said that getting there was half the fun either hasn't left home since 1975 or he enjoys the sort of experience shared by cattle as they accept the hospitality of the Swift Meat Packing Co.

As many of you know, isitjustme & co recently returned from a few days abroad. Although I love Europe I am, after all, an American and therefore find one or two continental nuances a touch irritating. With an eye toward alerting travelers to the perils and pitfalls of international travel, the following observations are presented for your consideration.

Throughout the world, hotels of all stripes are beseeching guests to save the planet by reusing the towels in their rooms. I am not convinced that hotels are now the last/best hope of saving the environment. A small card with an illustration of gazelles romping on the veldt urgently requests that customers wring just one more day out of their face cloths. This pitch appears a trifle disingenuous. Perhaps a drawing of several illegal aliens slaving over a vat of scalding soap and water would be more convincing. Personally, I' d rather see a picture of Bill Marriott counting those extra few cents he pockets each time I reuse a dirty hand towel.

And speaking of washing, is there some rule that Europeans must express their commitment to personal hygiene by providing hotel soap whose surface area approximates that of a Chicklet. Soap can't be so expensive that hotels need to find cakes that would fit in an ATM slot. At least the management should offer options similar to those offered regarding the size of the bed. "Monsieur, would you like our standard accommodation with the aspirin-sized soap or would you like to upgrade to the superior room with the eraser-size.

Some European affectations are easier to understand than others. Soap, after all is probably just an economic issue. On the other hand, I cannot for the life of me, understand why public toilets in Europe are not uniformly equipped with seats. On at least half a dozen occasions (at my age you get to see a lot of powder rooms) the commodes in the mens room were sans seat. I am reliably informed that the ladies rooms are similarly ill-equipped. Perhaps they've been purloined. Could be that Europeans are distrustful of American aim?

For men, this situation ranks as more of a curiosity than hardship however most women would rather walk funny all day than avail themselves of a stool that would look more at home in a cell at Rykers Island. The EU should deny membership to any country whose comfort stations don't afford the same minimal accommodation found in a Topeka, Kansas Citgo station.

Europeans also appear to be a trusting lot. I cannot tell you how many train and bus tickets I purchased in Italy that were never collected or examined. Occasionally there would be some sort of ticket reading machine but it rarely got much use. If New York City adopted this cavalier attitude with its subways and buses, their revenue would diminish by half overnight. Also, many of the city's subway patrons would be deprived of the excellent exercise afforded them by turnstile jumping. Italians just don't feel that ticket enforcement is worth the trouble.

This laissez faire attitude extends also to parking. Cars in Italy are ubiquitous and tiny. As a result, Italians park literately anywhere that their cars will fit. A Smart Car can be parked perpendicular to the curb on a street where the rest of the cars are horizontal while only protruding into the street by a few inches. Also there are a million scooters. Those get parked on the sidewalk, in storefronts, and in building courtyards. They move in packs like locusts. Any American foolish enough to drive in Rome will quickly discover that , "death by scooter" is a very real possibility.

All this carping might give you the impression that travel in Europe is a trial. Well, it isn't ...and even if it were, it would be worth it. Any time you get the opportunity to stand under the dome of St Peters or the streets of Pompeii, or view the Bay of Naples from a balcony in Sorrento; you realize that you didn't come all this way to take a shower or use the rest rooms. What the hell. Go native. Shower when you get home.

...or is Seattle going beyond the beyond?

Forget the war in Iraq. Ignore the immigration issue. Put aside world terrorism and militant Islam. The real issue in America is being decided in Seattle... lap dancing.

Voters in this tech-savvy city will pull their lever (sorry) to decide whether to begin enforcing the "four-foot rule". (This is not to be confused with the four-legged rule which deals with dating sheep.)

According to this latest bit of moralistic claptrap, exotic dancers in strip clubs will be required to maintain a distance of four feet from leering patrons. That sort of defeats the purpose of lap dancing. The only person in America with a four foot lap is Dennis Hastert. But wait there's more. In addition, the lighting in these establishments must be equivalent to that of an office. That's a mood killer. Also, patrons cannot give money directly to dancers. (This last rule seems superfluous because, at four feet, only Yuo Ming could tuck a twenty into a g-string). Suppose you wanted to hand it to her? (OK I'll stop now!)

You can't make this stuff up!

America is at war, for Christ's sake, and the people of Seattle are diddling over when the bumps and grinds of hard working girls violates the local ordinance. How about deciding how far away from the atomic button George Bush must stand before anyone in this country feels safe? Can you picture the Seattle Inspector General running around the Stiletto Lounge with a light meter and a tape measure.

I can't wait for the first raid of a strip joint in Seattle. (There are four, by the way.) The Seattle Times reported, "...as City Councilman Woodman was dragged into the waiting patrol car he was heard to protest, 'I was just checking the lighting'."

This sort of foolishness is what comes of too much Christian-Republican Nannyism. When the world was different, true conservatives like Barry Goldwater espoused the belief that government should stay out of people's lives. Today, the Christian-right stays up nights thinking up new laws to tell me how to live. The only joy is that each new day brings another episode of, "Scandal rocks the God-squad".

In the most recent installment, Ted Haggard, former president of the National Evangelical Association, resigned in disgrace after he was outed as having paid a male prostitute for a "massage". (In Seattle, a massage must be given from across the room...with mittens.)Ted had been a vocal gay-basher in Washington for 30 years. If there is a God, (and I'm sure there is) he /she must think that this stuff is better than Mel Brooks. It's getting so that the last thing a man on his knees is thought to be doing is praying.

But, back to Seattle. Although I would never be seen in a strip club, (so that's why the lights are low!) I will defend to the death the rights of my fellow man to fold twenties lengthwise and deposit them in an interpretive dancers college fund. Citizens of America, arise (sorry, again) Beat back these puritanical bluenoses. Make the world safe for the g-string. After you go to the polls spend a little time at the pole.

...or is death no barrier in politics?

Strange but true?
While dozing in front of the TV on the night before the election, I was startled by my ringing phone. Another political call, I mused, while attempting to reach the handset before the magic fourth ring sent the call into voicemail. But this was no ordinary election eve message.

"Hello. This is Ronald Wilson Reagan.
I don't normally return from the dead to make these kinds of calls. I hated them when I was alive. They would always wake me up during those boring cabinet meetings.

Nevertheless, Karl Rove came to California, said a few words in an ancient language over my grave, and, here I am. (at least in Chicago the dead only come back to vote)

Well, as long as I've been resurrected, I might as well remind you to vote tomorrow for George Allen, Republican from Virginia, (by way of California) in the Senatorial.

George is a fine boy. It's true that he hasn't had an original thought since he won the seat in 2000, but the ideas that Dick Cheney has given him are better anyway. Besides,his father, George Allen, was the former coach of the Washington Redskins and, isn't that what really counts. After all, I played a football hero in a movie and look how well that worked out.

George's opponent, Jim Webb was, for a short time, my Secretary of the Navy. We had a falling out over what color to paint the ships and he quit. That sort of independent thinking has no place in the modern Republican party. Fortunately, thanks to Rove, Rumsfeld, Cheney, Wolfowitz and the boys, almost no one ever disagrees with the party doctrine...for long.

Well, I'm getting a little tired now so I'll say goodbye. Don't forget to vote for your local Republican. We are not perfect but we're never wrong. I realize that, like George W., some of my policies were misguided but at least we got rid of Daniel Ortega."

...or should we think twice about executing Saddam Hussein?

Oh right, we aren't executing Hussein. He was found guilty and sentenced by the Iraqi Court system. If you believe that the heavy hand of the Bush crowd isn't behind this, then you also believe that those pesky weapons of mass distruction are still out there. No one in the Iraq government can take a phone call without checking with their handlers in Washington. This trial was better-choreographed than "A Chorus Line" and about as original.

We can agree on a few things:

Saddam Hussein is a bad guy.

Saddam Hussein deserves to die; preferably slowly and painfully.

The world would be a better place without him in it.

As a corpse, he is less likely to restore the Baath party to former glory, (maybe the most important issue).

All true - however, the new government of Iraq may wish to think twice about having a state-sanctioned killing as it's first public act. It may just be the wrong message to send in a country that is trying to stop the violence.

There does appear to be a real fear among the Shiites that while Saddam is alive there is always the possibility of his return to power. The people of Iraq have little reason to trust that the United States won't allow the Baathists to regain control as a means to reintroduce order to a chaotic situation. The irony of that scenario would be funny if it weren't so tragic.

Bush 41 (aka, the old man) encouraged the people of Iraq to rebel after the first Gulf War and promptly authorized Saddam to use his military, including air power, to squash the rebels. This sort of double-cross has put a real dent in the credibitily of American foreign policy.

Saddam will probably be hanged and the American government can claim plausable deniability. The Iraqi people will assume that it's business as usual; violence begets violence. The world can say "good riddance", but don't be surprised to hear the people of Baghdad singing the word of that old song by The Who, "I'll tip my hat to the new constitution... we won't get fooled again."

...or does "stay the course" mean stay the course?

Nothing disturbs the Bush administration more than being quoted correctly, especially when the quote is a Karl Rove catchphrase. George W Bush has been preaching to anyone who will listen that the American policy in Iraq demands that we, "stay the course". He said exactly those words in June after returning from Bagdad. He repeated the thought in July in Milwaukee and in Salt Lake City in August. These are direct quotes from speeches. They are not, out of context remarks made as the president was crossing the White House lawn to board Marine One. The message seemed clear; we will continue to get Americans killed in an Iraqi civil war regardless of the stupidity of that plan.

But wait. According to Tony Snow, former FoxNews scihophant and current White House press secretary, that's not what the pres. meant at all. When George said, "stay the course" what he actually meant was, "a study in consistant motion by the administration". Well thank God for Tony! Without his brilliant insight into the mind of George W. we might have foolishly assumed that our Commander in Chief actuall meant what he said.

We are all aware of how GWB gets into Dan Quayle-like trouble when he wanders too far off the printed script. It would now appear that even the pre-written messages can't be trusted.

What next? Will we come to find that Don Rumsfeld's, "stuff happens" actually means that we screwed up the security of one of the most valuable and important museums in the world when we allowed the building to be looted and that we are sorry? Did DickCheney's, "we will be greated as liberators" really mean that Iraq has been a sectarian mess for years and, without a strong central government in place, civil war is inevitable?

It's hard not to smile while watching the administration grope for some acceptable language to explain the incredible succession of mistakes and bad decisions. The authors of "swift-boating" and "cut and run" appear to have better luck with catch-phrases when they afix them to the opposition.

...or is TV news coverage making us afraid of everything?

Next week is Halloween and although I won't be an active participant (the ears to my Mr. Spock costume were lost last year during the arrest), I still have fond memories of both my own and my son's many years as sanctioned beggars.

It is, however, with some sadness that I observe the degree of protection required for today's trick-or-treaters. Back in the day (before CNN, MSNBC et al) kids went door-to-door in small groups. Bigger kids shepherded the little ones (the cute little ones got better stuff) and the entire enterprise was handled without the guidance of a single adult. We began right after school and continued until aggravated victims stopped opening the doors for us - usually about 7-ish. We then marched gleefully home to a parental chorus of, "Don't eat all that junk at once. You'll get sick."

Alas, those days of innocence appear to be ended. The tykes of today are accompanied on their neighborhood rounds by a phalanx of adult protectors. The only kids out there alone had to shave before making the effort. No parent worthy of the title would ever permit their small ones to traipse through our fearsome village unaccompanied. (These would be the same parents that paid a small fortune to live in what is deemed a "safe neighborhood.")

Actually, having the adults wander the streets with the kids is a great idea. Not only are they participating in their children's joy, (my father wouldn't have left our apartment on Halloween if the building were ablaze), but they get to meet many neighbors who had heretofore been strangers. Unfortunately, the motivation for this evening romp is not a desire to look into other peoples homes (well, maybe a little); it's cold, abject fear. The real fright on Halloween is that something terrible may happen to the little ones. And that, my friends, is a creation of your friendly news coverage.

Isitjustme.com is a supporter of all media all the time...even FoxNews. Face it. People who only want to hear what they already believe need a news program too. The problem with our news programs isn't that they hide or shade things, it's that they love to scare us to death. National news shows will interrupt the endless recital of today's world events if a child goes missing for an hour in a shopping mall.

Local news is much worse. If one kid in Kansas City gets a rotten apple for trick-or-treat (does anyone give fruit anymore?) the account will be discussed for a week by the local talking heads. The KC Chief of Police will be interviewed as to what happened and what his department is doing about it. Is this a serial fruit poisoner? "We have a suspect but no arrests have been made. The child has a mild stomach ache but is otherwise unharmed. We will know more at our next press briefing in fifteen minutes." Local newsies will be filming remotes from the house of the "victim" and from the local apple orchard. Grocers will be questioned. "Well Bob, I'm standing here with Fred Smute, who is the produce manager here at Al's Market. Tell me Fred, was the apple poisoned when you sold it? How many poisonous apples did you sell to people this year and was business uncommonly good?"

Sadly, the lack of anything new has never stopped news programs from finding something scary to broadcast. When things get slow, they can always send a reporter out to the local airport to show how easily they were able to sneak a butter knife aboard a plane. If they really wanted to see some frightening stuff they could film George W. trying to make a decision without Cheney or Rumsfeld around.

Americans, living in one of the safest countries in the world, are scaring themselves to death for no other reason than they are better informed than ever before. People actually choose to fly on airlines from countries that aren't having trouble with Arab countries (Think Icelandic!). Americans go to great lengths to acquire second passports from other countries to ensure that if identification as an American proves dangerous they can instantly morph into Irishmen. That's like wearing a dress to escape the Titanic.

On one wants to to hear it but if children are at risk in this country, it's due to the proliferation of legal hand guns. More kids are killed in gun accidents every year than will ever die from poisoned Snickers bars.

Caution is never a bad thing, especially where the safety of children is involved, but people, take a chill pill. Your offspring have a lot more to fear from what M&M Mars puts inside those triple-sealed candy bars than they ever will from the neighbor who gave it to them. If you really want to protect your kids, keep them out of McDonald's and Burger King. If you don't, next year may find your kiddies trick-or-treating as Bill Parcels. Now that's scary.

...or should undecided voters stay undecided and stay home?

As election time approaches, editorials and prognosticators will wax effusively about the effect that voter turnout will have on the outcome of races throughout the country. Voter apathy, weather and many other issues will be advanced as a reason why Mr. & Mrs American Voter might cast a ballot or sit the election out. Each will be dissected and evaluated to determine, in advance, which candidates will get to celebrate on the evening of Nov. 7th.

I would like to state, for the record, that this blog stands behind and, aggressively supports, low voter turnout. We here at isitjustme encourage people who are on the fence about dragging themselves to the polls, to stay the hell home. Don't come! We don't need you!

If that sounds a little harsh and even a little anti-American allow me to state the case.

Last Monday, the WSJ carried a column by Cynthia Crossen about why Americans don't vote. One of her conclusions is that turnout at the polls is low (and getting lower) because our registration system makes it impossible to cast a ballot on the spur of the moment. I say, "bravo". Do you really want your officials chosen by people who decided to vote because the weather is good and they really don't have any thing else to do that day? What sort of choices will be made by that crowd? (President Bush, please sit down.)

Voter registration was instituted to prevent spontaneous voting. In the last century, most of Chicago's elections were decided by voters that were dragged from alleys and nursing homes (many against their will) and driven to the polls. (The dead had to provide their own transportation.) At least with registration we have a system that provides for some control over who is electing our government.(and how many times)

Most candidates have been running for a year. They have spent millions explaining why they should be chosen to help run America.(They have also spent millions explaining how their opponent once shot a helpless bird in a tree.. The opponent was nine at the time.) Considering the tidal wave of media coverage that exists in America, it's virtually impossible not to have formed an opinion by now. However, if you have managed to ride the ignorance train for this long, don't jump off in Nov.

The United States is in the middle of a crisis. Whether you agree with administration policy or oppose it, it is almost impossible to imagine that any thinking person is disinterested enough to sit out the election.

Americans who opposed the war in Iraq had their opinions thwarted in 2004 by a viscous campaign that was decided on gay marriage and stem cell research. If that outcome didn't cause the American non-voting public to get off their collective asses and register to vote the next time around, then we should let them alone. If you're undecided about the direction that America has chosen then you are what is called in academic circles, a blockhead. Please, for the sake of anyone who has read a newspaper or shown any interest in what's going on in the world, don't help.

What were the lessons of '04? You had to hand it to Karl Rove and the Christian right,(and we did, "hand it to them"). They didn't wait until November to energize their supporters. There was no need for an "October Surprise". The Bush re-election people began scaring people early in the summer of and kept them frightened right thorough the election. Bone-headed Democrats, convinced that they had justice on their side, trusted that America would "see the light" come election day and pull a lever for John Kerry. Wrong! The Democratic elite believe that the American people are sheep who can be easily led. Republicans know that the electorate are cattle that must be driven.

Voting requires a little effort. First you have to register, then you have to make time to get to a poll. Making that effort indicates your level of commitment to the democratic process we profess to cherish and spill blood to export. It should also be a litmus test to determine your desire to participate in the process. Maybe we should adopt the Iraqi system and add an element of danger to the exercise. Iraqis didn't need to register. I guess one trip through the shooting gallery is enough.

Maybe I just hang around with the wrong people. I don't know anyone who is neutral about America's current situation. Forget Mark Foley. There are real issues to be decided. People are dying in Dafur and in Iraq. Nut-hatch dictators with bad hair and cheap suits are threatening the world with nuclear weapons. American citizens can't rely on their government to send a boat or a bottle of Poland Spring when the water is ten feet high and risin'.

If you have lived in this country for the last six years and haven't formed an opinion about whether to endorse or detest the present Congress then you are not likely to receive a message from God in the next three weeks (unless you're Pat Robertson). For the sake of the rest of us, stay in your Barcolounger, watch Oprah, go to WalMart, see Jackass II. Just stay away from your local polling place. We don't need you.

...or did you chuckle just a little when the Tigers booted the Yankees out of the playoffs?

For me this is the ultimate betrayal. I was raised in the Bronx, a scant seven subway stops (actually the #4 train is elevated) from Yankee Stadium. My earliest sports memories are of baseball. Growing up on Davidson Ave you were either a Yankee fan or a Dodger fan. (For some strange reason their were no Giants fans.) Those were the days of Mantle and Berra; of Larson and Casey Stengel, Skowron and Richardson. Every kid could tell you the starting nine for his team. In October, because the Yankees were almost always in the World Series, we would plead with teachers to let us listen to the Series games in the classroom or at least check periodically for a score.

Taking the Woodlawn/Jerome train into the city meant passing "the Stadium". As the train rumbled past the outfield there was a small gap between the right field stands and the center field scoreboard. That gap afforded riders the briefest glimpse of the field and I never missed a chance to look, even into my twenties.

In the summer I would pester my father on Friday nights when he came home from work to take me to the Yankee game. It was probably the last thing he felt like doing but occasionally he would acquiesce. I even went to the 1958 World Series.

The day after our graduation from Fordham, Paul Keane and I dragged my fiancee to the Stadium for Mickey Mantle's retirement. I probably cried more than he did.

The point being that no one was a bigger Yankee fan than me.

So what happened? At what point did it become fun to watch the Yankees take it in the shorts? At what point in my travels did I exsanguinate (too much CSI) the Yankee blue from my veins?

Moving to Chicago certainly affected my team loyalties. You become interested in the teams that are covered in the local press. First it was the Bears instead of the football Giants but gradually all of your loyalties change. Rooting for another American League team seemed like treason but the Cubs became interesting. At least I didn't have to watch them after Oct 3rd.

Then the Yankees were purchased by George Michael Steinbrenner III.

Now here's a guy that everyone can dislike. He has a big mouth a short temper and he's always right (just ask him). He has been a major shareholder of the club since 1973. When he took command, he was quoted as saying, "We plan absentee ownership as far as running the Yankees is concerned. We're not going to pretend to be something we aren't". Really? Under his "absentee ownership" there have been 20 field manager changes (Billy Martin accounting for 25% of those) and 11 general manager firings. Behind every personnel change was a quote from "The Boss" He was as hands-off as a blind man in a cat house. John McMullen, a minority partner in the team was quoted saying, "There's nothing more limited than being a limited partner in the Yankees."

Although "dead set against free agency" George has become its greatest enabler. Thanks to his cherry-picking from other clubs, Steinbrenner has a payroll larger than the GNP of Peru. This level of spending has created the sense that rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for General Motors. Unless you live in New York, there is a tendency to resent any team or owner that continually attempts to buy a championship.

Five teams have kicked sand in George's face in the last six years of post season play. They range from the church-mouse Marlins to the equally overpaid Red Sox. In the last two seasons, the Yankees couldn't get past the first round of post season play. Ouch! (It should be pointed out that the Yankees have made the post season every year for the past 12 years.)

Watching a manufactured team fall on its face restores our sense of balance. Money really can't buy happiness or, it would seem, a World Series ring. Although A-rod, Jeter, Posada and Co. are great players and (including Alex Rodriguez) worthy of their inflated salaries, the schadenfreude (I finally got to use that in a sentence) factor is irresistible. Call it David and Goliath syndrome. My team may have lost but we didn't pay $194 million for the privilege.

In 1969 I was among those rare New Yorkers that cringed during every World Series game between the Orioles and the Mets. The Yankees finished fifth that year in the American League East and I hated all the celebrating in Queens. How dare these upstart no-names usurp the crown that rightfully belonged in the Bronx.

Well, that was then and this is now so

Let's Go Mets.

...or are you having trouble staying awake during the recent HP scandel?

If your response is, "What Scandal?" don't be ashamed. We're not talking Teapot Dome here.

Patricia Dunn, former Chairman of Hewlett-Packard, and four lesser lights were charged Wednesday in connection with a three-year company investigation into corporate boardroom information leaks. I can see your eyelids getting heavy already. The details won't perk you up much.

Ever since the ousting (not "outing") of Carly Fiorina as Chairman, the HP boardroom has been a virtual colander of information. Even stories about leaks were leaked. Concerned/enraged that there was a loose tongue in their midst, Ms. Dunn launched an investigation. The characters that were enlisted in this probe go by their current title... co-defendants. They include:

Kevin Hunsaker former HP ethics lawyer. (Mr Hunsaker has also been indicted separately for the unspeakable crime of using the word "ethics" and "lawyer" in the same title.)

Ronald DeLia of Security Outsourcing

Matthew DePante of Action Research

Although I have not seen bios or photos of these security specialists but it would not surprise me to learn that they are ex-cops who are showing the effects of too many Big Macs. Exactly where do you look in the phonebook for people willing to break the law for your company. Maybe Ms. Dunn ran an ad.

WANTED
knuckle-dragging, over-weight, former policeman, to collect evidence of yacking out of school. Adherence to the law not a requirement. Qualifications should include, beat-up old car, badly tailored suit, Brooklyn accent, complete absence of ethics. Smoking a plus. Fedora optional.

These would-be Sam Spades are charged with; fraudulently obtaining private information from a public utility, accessing computer data without permission, identity theft and the ever popular conspiracy. Wow! Move over Hannibal Lecter.

After watching a couple of episodes of CSI, deeds like this don't exactly make your blood run cold. Having been raised on the Rockford Files, I didn't even know that most of this activity was criminal. Who knew that you could be tossed in the hooskow for impersonating someone's cousin in order to get a little information from the phone company? As to accessing someone's computer, I thought that companies did that all the time hunting for employees who surf porn sites. I guess the rules are different in the California.

Are you asleep yet?


Sensing an "Elliot Spitzer Moment", California Attorney General Bill Lockyer has filed charges in plenty of time to make the morning editions on the East Coast. This isn't exactly Enron but one takes what one can get. Besides does anyone remember who prosecuted Ken Lay? The trick here will be to keep Californians, and the rest of the country, awake long enough to showcase a trial.

Americans bore easily.(Remember space travel?) The country has watched real villains like Bernie Ebbers of Worldcom and Ken Lay (nice exit) of Enron be convicted of fleecing thousands of widows and orphans out of their pensions. Watching Patty Dunn standing in the dock answering charges of pilfering phone records isn't exactly the "ripped from the headlines" stuff that makes Law and Order so popular.

Even the readership of Barron's might nod off while following this story. (Of course many Barron's readers doze before they get to the newsstand.) I'm afraid that a scandal where nobody took their pants off and no weapon deadlier than a lawyer's tongue was involved, isn't going to attract much ink.

A word to prosecutors everywhere, if you want to be launched into the governor's mansion by indicting corporate evildoers, pick a company where Paris Hilton sits on the board.

...or are our perverts worse than their perverts?

Forgive the crude label but one must be careful to use the correct terms in describing the recent (and not so recent) transgressions of our elected officials.

Mark Foley, former congressman from West Palm Beach, has IM'd his way into the spotlight this week amid disclosures that he used his charms and his computer to attempt the seduction of an under-age former congressional page. Before we continue, a clarification of terms is in order.

Mr. Foley does not meet the definition of a pedophile. Pedophiles have fantasies about pre-pubescent children. The exact term for fantasies about teenagers is hebephile. Most pedophiles and hebephiles never act on their desires.

Mr. Foley does not, as of this moment, appear to be a child molester. These people have sex with children. Quite often there is violence involved. It is a pattern of criminal behavior that, like rape, is often not sexually based.

Additionally, and this is important as you listen to all of the neocon boobs that frequent the radio airways, there is no, repeat no, evidence to support the assumption that homosexuals have a greater proclivity toward child abuse than heterosexuals. The irresponsible remark regarding homosexuals being rightly excluded as scoutmasters on the editorial page of the Wall Street Journal yesterday has no place in the rational discussion of this serious issue. Paul Gigot should be ashamed.

Returning to the now-outed Mr Foley, apparently the only person in DC that didn't know about his sexual orientation was Denny Hastert, Speaker of the House. (Possibly a little more time spent around the water cooler and a little less at the "all you can eat" buffet would be productive.) Some new batteries for his hearing aid are clearly in order. We are now learning that, for months, every Republican in Congress has been whispering in Hastert's ear about the strange interest that Mr. Foley had exhibited in the Congressional teenage staff. Having chosen the ecclesiastic approach (do nothing until it's too late) Mr. Hastert may find himself behind Mr. Foley on the unemployment line.

Foley has also outed himself as an alcoholic. Apparently no one told Hastert about that either. The advantage in professing an addiction to demon rum is that you can hide away in rehab for a month. As yet undisclosed is whether Mr. Foley feels that booze made him gay or booze made him proposition young boys. We may never know. Sadly, there is no recognized sanitarium for homosexuals or crazed e-mailers.

On the way to condemning Mr. Foley, the Republicans and neocons are doing the, "Oh yeah, well what about your guy" shuffle. Way back in 1983 Congressman Gerry Studds, Democrat of Massachusetts actually had consentual sex with a male, 17 year old page. Studds (nice name) was censured by the house and went on to serve another six terms. Go figure. Foley signed his resignation from the house ( and his application to Betty Ford) so fast that we never got to find out how the Congress would have handled the issue. Possibly a lecture from Ted Kennedy on proper Congressional conduct.

Hastert has taken the case to the court of last resort; the conservative talk shows. Risky move, that! Rush, Sean and the boys are slow to condemn any Republican for any crime but they don't hold with, "boys who do boys". Most of these keepers of the public morals just closed ranks behind Mr. Hastert. He was treated like the parent of a delinquent child. "He was a good boy and his mother and I had no idea what he was capable of."

We do not need a label or Latin nomenclature to detest the actions of Mark Foley. He is merely an aging lecher who abused his power and position. He should be returned to private life and the ignominy that he so richly deserves. Unless additional facts come to light, he has committed no crime except against the people who elected him.

More importantly, there is no bigger picture here. Foley is one man with a weakness not the poster boy for the evils of homosexuality or booze or the internet. We should just leave him to the judgment of Jay, Dave, Conan and anyone else with a microphone and an audience. That's punishment enough for anyone.

...or are you sick of being told that all traditional media has a liberal bias.

At what point did we come to the conclusion that most of the news, broadcast or print, should be given less credence because of the presumed political bias of the source.

During the Vietnam War, broadcast outlets were roundly criticized for bringing graphic images of the carnage in Southeast Asia into the living rooms of America. These newsreels were credited (or blamed) for unifying Americans against the war. It was one thing to read about 55,000 dead over nine years but quite another to see the bloody bodies night after night served up with your evening meal. Still I can't recall Walter Cronkite being blamed for America's loss of heart in Asia.

The Washington Post came in for a ton of abuse during Watergate but, between the general dislike of Richard Nixon and the preponderance of evidence uncovered, only the most radical neocons could logically blame Ben Bradlee and The Washington Post for Nixon's resignation.

At some point, possibly during the Reagan years, it became fashionable among conservatives to deflect criticism or minimize the effect of bad news by impeaching the source of the story. This insidious cynicism isn't just wrong it's dangerous. It's easy to blame Rush Limbaugh and his crowd but that would be giving these blowhards more credit than they deserve. I suspect that many working class people just didn't want to hear anything bad about good old Ronnie.

The New York Times was the first and easiest target. Located in New York, a hot bed of liberalism, and owned and operated by Jews,(what do you expect?) The Times is routinely singled out as biased and unreliable on all matters political. No Times news story, regardless of how many facts it contains, can be taken at face value. If it's in The Times, it's biased.

It should be noted that it was The New York Times that stayed in Arkansas to root out the Whitewater story after everybody else went home Also, only The Times pays an editor to produce a weekly column, evaluating how the Times is covering the news; but why confuse the issue with facts.

This idea of impugning the source of stories that you don't like is damn convenient. Republicans never have to explain or deny any deceit or questionable practice; they just blame the messenger. If the Bush administration illegally taps phones, blame The Times for printing the story. If a Planned Parenthood facility is bombed, blame The Washington Post for putting the story on the front page instead of in regional news.

This blatant misdirection has now become an indictment of all mainstream media. This would be funny if it weren't so tragic. News networks and most print publications twisted themselves into knots supporting George Bush and his invasion of Iraq. Embedded reporters filed story after story about our men and women in the field. Scenes of toppled statues and liberated Iraqis were everywhere. Jessica Lynch (a soldier with more integrity than the entire Bush administration) was covered like a rock star.

It was only about the time of Abu Grab that news sources began to run afoul of the administration and its supporters. A conservative friend once told me that The Washington Post ran 28 consecutive front page stories on Abu Grab. He never mentioned if he thought they were true or newsworthy. I guess it didn't matter.

This even works in reverse. Newspapers are criticize for not printing the "good news" on Iraq. Instead they only show the dead and dying. Where are the stories of the thousands of ink-stained fingers after the Iraqi elections? Where's the coverage of the free people of Afghanistan. The "good news" is, of course, harder to cover because there's so little of it. With hundreds of Iraqis dying each day and the zone of safety getting smaller every week reporters can be forgiven for focusing on the carnage. It is, after all, everywhere they look.

But how about the news coverage of hurricane Katrina? American journalists are to be forgiven for not showing the twelve people who were actually rescued. They were a little hard to find amid the 1,300 dead. Good news is tough to find when its buried under twelve feet of Lake Ponchartrain.

Naturally, no discourse on media would be complete without mention of FOXNews. Fox began with a general indictment of all existing broadcast media. Because mainstream media is already liberally biased, Fox would broadcast "fair and balanced" news. Translation... in order for my network to broadcast truly slanted information I must first paint your news as slanted. And you thought Nixon was tricky?

Still you have to hand it to Rupert Murdoch. He uncovered a sizable audience of Americans that didn't want to hear the truth if it conflicted with their political vision. Fox provides "shaded news". All the facts are there, (you can't hide almost 3,000 dead Americans in Iraq) but Fox uses commentators and analysts to soften the nasty bits and give their fans talking points for dealing with "liberal" viewers of NBC, ABC, etc. Let's see Fox spin Mark Foley.

We have reached a point in our media-saturated culture when, tonnage and credibility are running in an inverse relationship. The more we hear or see the less we believe. The advent of 24/7 news on TV, radio and the internet should be keeping us better informed. Instead the effect is to make us more cynical. That is the dangerous part.

News people are, almost without exception, working to get the story right. Editors try to balance what readers need to know against what they want to know. Regrettably, a news story's position in the paper will sometimes be determined by how good the accompanying photo is. The process isn't perfect but it has worked very well up to now. No amount of perceived liberal bias on TV or in print kept Americans from voting for George Bush...twice. I firmly believe that newspapers and broadcast news programs are as accurate as can be expected. If readers and viewers dismiss inconvenient coverage as bias, they do themselves, the news media and the country a disservice.

It's good to be skeptical...it's foolish to be cynical.