"Can't see London,
Can't see France,
until we see your underpants."
Shamelessly stolen from a great list submitted by JKS.
Can someone please tell me who is in an uproar about airport screening? No one I know. All the people I see interviewed are mostly interested in getting from airport A to airport B without the risk of ending up with their name on a memorial. 81% of Americans are on board. Airport safety may be an illusion but it's an important illusion.
The government is trying to protect millions of travelers moving through thousands of airports with minimum inconvenience, minimum hassles and minimum embarrassment. They are required to bat 1,000 every day. That's an impossible task made more difficult by the morons among us who think their personal modesty should take precedence over everyone's safety. Please, take the bus.
This is a controversy, like so many other controversies lately, playing out almost exclusively in the media. News people, editorialists, and various windbags on Fox News are telling us we are outraged. One guy with a videophone carping about his junk has been inflated into a discussion of constitutional rights. Folks, repeat after me, "You have no constitutional right to fly on an airplane." If you wish to fly you must abide by the rules that govern air travel in 2010. If your grandma gets scanned, we're sorry. When Neil Covuto on Fox stops whining about "feeling up grandma" and writes a cogent, easily understood policy for thousands of TSA employees that contains guidelines for determining who should and who shouldn't be screened, we'll listen. 'Til then, shut up.
The other canard regarding air safety is pointing to the Israelis. Their screening uses few machines and relies on interviewing and physiological profiling. That's nifty when you are policing about 12 airports and 1/12th the passengers. Anyone who thinks it's possible to train thousands of screeners in hundreds of locations is dumber than Neil Cavuto.
So relax America. Sit back and enjoy the flight. Remember, in most cases it's a lot easier to recover your lost dignity than your lost luggage.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
...or is banning what's bad for us always good for us?
Has anyone out there ever consumed a Four Loko? I thought not. However, if you like a jolt of caffeine (about a Grande's worth) with your booze (about four beers worth) you might want to stock up on Lokos real soon. Several states have banned the concoction and the FDA is considering pulling all such alcohol+caffeine products off store shelves. Chuck Shumer, ever-vigilant Senator from New York, is leading the fight to cleanse America of this evil brew. Apparently Chuck is unfamiliar with Irish Coffee. Nevertheless, Senator Shumer didn't get where he is by being slow to recognize a political winner. Protecting America's youth from the polar effects of Four Loko appears a noble fight. Besides 1) it's not made in New York and, 2) it's not made by a big company like Anheuser Busch or Miller with deep pockets.
So, like the debate on transfats and the argument over salt content, we are again faced with the conflict between the nanny state and government rightfully protecting its citizens from harmful products. We here at isitjustme, never reluctant to offer an unsolicited opinion, have weighed the facts and concluded that government should back off on Four Loko. Free societies should be free to act the fool even if there is risk. We allow smoking which kills thousands. We allow the production, distribution and sale of intoxicants which also kills indiscriminately. We allow millions of hand guns to be bought and sold. We prohibit marijuana which kills almost no one...except the hundreds of Mexicans who die in drug wars. To ban the sale of a substance which can easily be created by combining two legal products seems silly and unnecessary.
There is a lot of bad stuff out there. The parents and teachers of teenagers and college students spend a tremendous amount of time educating kids about what to avoid. Distinctions about specific products are meaningless. We don't tell seventeen year olds that beer is OK but scotch is evil. That filtered cigarette won't hurt as much as Luckies. Education is about choices and behavior. Government should not attempt to limit bad choices or reduce their numbers. If we learned nothing else from Prohibition we learned that in the face of public desire, limited access is no barrier. Government should return to its core competency namely, banning cell phone use while waiting in line at Starbucks. It's sooooo annoying!
So, like the debate on transfats and the argument over salt content, we are again faced with the conflict between the nanny state and government rightfully protecting its citizens from harmful products. We here at isitjustme, never reluctant to offer an unsolicited opinion, have weighed the facts and concluded that government should back off on Four Loko. Free societies should be free to act the fool even if there is risk. We allow smoking which kills thousands. We allow the production, distribution and sale of intoxicants which also kills indiscriminately. We allow millions of hand guns to be bought and sold. We prohibit marijuana which kills almost no one...except the hundreds of Mexicans who die in drug wars. To ban the sale of a substance which can easily be created by combining two legal products seems silly and unnecessary.
There is a lot of bad stuff out there. The parents and teachers of teenagers and college students spend a tremendous amount of time educating kids about what to avoid. Distinctions about specific products are meaningless. We don't tell seventeen year olds that beer is OK but scotch is evil. That filtered cigarette won't hurt as much as Luckies. Education is about choices and behavior. Government should not attempt to limit bad choices or reduce their numbers. If we learned nothing else from Prohibition we learned that in the face of public desire, limited access is no barrier. Government should return to its core competency namely, banning cell phone use while waiting in line at Starbucks. It's sooooo annoying!
Saturday, November 20, 2010
...or would Guttenberg have sold more Bibles if he put Moses' picture on the jacket?
Things I learned while you were watching Dancing With the Stars:
Seriously, I refuse to watch reality TV on religious grounds but I understand that, while a team of professional judges has repeatedly suggested Bristol Palin get a performing arts scholarship from The Ministry of Silly Walks, America keeps voting her back on the show. Isitjustme update....apparently Ms. Palin was unable to jump the last hurdle to victory. Must have been all the donuts. According to the rules of the show, if enough of the citizens of fly-over country call in and vote for you, the judges opinion is overturned. Sort of like when voters pick someone who looks nice and talks funny rather than someone with actual ability.
We can only presume that Bristol and her multiple left feet are benefiting from couch-potato America's desire to vote for any Palin for...anything. If Major League Baseball isn't careful, Todd Palin might be voted starting shortstop for the 2011 All-Star Game. Bristol should be grateful that there isn't an intelligence test. "Who was Fred Astaire?" or "What dance movies have you seen?" might kill her chances.
___________________________________________________________________
And, proving once again that those monkeys and their typewriters may yet tap out Romeo and Juliet, Sarah Palin has another book with her name and face on the dust jacket. (To suggest she wrote the book would be like suggesting that the Chairman of Verizon wrote the Yellow Pages.) The space between the covers, like the space between Sarah's ears, is chock full of disjointed thoughts, useless homilies and non-sequiturs which mostly end in reflections on why Sarah and her wonderful family are so mercilessly persecuted by the media...except, of course, Fox. A thorough reading of "America By Heart Reflections on Family, Faith and Flag" (she forgot Mothers, Trains, Farms, and Dogs.) will tell the reader everything they need to know about the woman who wants to be President. Ms. Palin's book is a wonderful trip to the county fair: a few thrills and lots of stuff that might make America great but, all that cotton candy eventually makes you sick.
One feature of the book is a list of things that Sarah finds irritating; among them: talentless wannabes who appear on TV on shows like American Idol. WOW! Sarah Palin is irked by blatantly unqualified posers who present themselves as talented candidates for public approval. I guess FEDEX was late to Alaska with that last shipment of irony.
Still, the soon-to-be imagined Sarah Palin Library will have at least two books to go along with all those Facebook postings and Tweets. The Library, planned for the campus of The University of Phoenix on-line, should open in 2025. By then Sarah's son Track will have been hired as The Apprentice by Donald Trump on live TV.
Seriously, I refuse to watch reality TV on religious grounds but I understand that, while a team of professional judges has repeatedly suggested Bristol Palin get a performing arts scholarship from The Ministry of Silly Walks, America keeps voting her back on the show. Isitjustme update....apparently Ms. Palin was unable to jump the last hurdle to victory. Must have been all the donuts. According to the rules of the show, if enough of the citizens of fly-over country call in and vote for you, the judges opinion is overturned. Sort of like when voters pick someone who looks nice and talks funny rather than someone with actual ability.
We can only presume that Bristol and her multiple left feet are benefiting from couch-potato America's desire to vote for any Palin for...anything. If Major League Baseball isn't careful, Todd Palin might be voted starting shortstop for the 2011 All-Star Game. Bristol should be grateful that there isn't an intelligence test. "Who was Fred Astaire?" or "What dance movies have you seen?" might kill her chances.
___________________________________________________________________
And, proving once again that those monkeys and their typewriters may yet tap out Romeo and Juliet, Sarah Palin has another book with her name and face on the dust jacket. (To suggest she wrote the book would be like suggesting that the Chairman of Verizon wrote the Yellow Pages.) The space between the covers, like the space between Sarah's ears, is chock full of disjointed thoughts, useless homilies and non-sequiturs which mostly end in reflections on why Sarah and her wonderful family are so mercilessly persecuted by the media...except, of course, Fox. A thorough reading of "America By Heart Reflections on Family, Faith and Flag" (she forgot Mothers, Trains, Farms, and Dogs.) will tell the reader everything they need to know about the woman who wants to be President. Ms. Palin's book is a wonderful trip to the county fair: a few thrills and lots of stuff that might make America great but, all that cotton candy eventually makes you sick.
One feature of the book is a list of things that Sarah finds irritating; among them: talentless wannabes who appear on TV on shows like American Idol. WOW! Sarah Palin is irked by blatantly unqualified posers who present themselves as talented candidates for public approval. I guess FEDEX was late to Alaska with that last shipment of irony.
Still, the soon-to-be imagined Sarah Palin Library will have at least two books to go along with all those Facebook postings and Tweets. The Library, planned for the campus of The University of Phoenix on-line, should open in 2025. By then Sarah's son Track will have been hired as The Apprentice by Donald Trump on live TV.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
...or are we the country that put the "ass" in aspirational?
Stuff I discovered while searching for movie timetables:
John Tyner, a 31 year old software engineer made the big time on Youtube last week. John was passing through the airport in San Diego on his way to a vacation in South Dakota (clearly North Dakota was full-up) when he took it into his head to object to security screening. The fact that he recorded the entire episode on his phone indicates a willful intent to be a pain in the ass. Having rejected a full body scan (perhaps he's anatomically incorrect) he also objected to a pat down. His choice of catchphrase was "if you touch my junk I'll have you arrested". Not exactly "Give me liberty or give me death" but you go with what's handy.
Let's forget for the moment that this Dilbert-like dweeb couldn't get someone to fondle his berries if he had a hundred dollar bill behind his ear in Bangkok on a Saturday night. What was this guy thinking? "If I act like a jerk maybe they'll let me go through unmolested?" Was this a stand for human dignity? A stunt to achieve internet stardom? What Mr. Tyner achieved, aside from cult status as a punchline, was ejection from the San Diego airport and an investigation by the TSA that could cost him $11,000 in fines. Hey, I don't want to go to South Dakota either but I'm not prepared to fight Uncle Sam. Anyway, I hope Mr. Tyner is enjoying his fifteen minutes. Having gone home with his testicles unfondled, this is clearly not the textbook definition of a happy ending.
___________________________________________________________________
Lisa Murkowski, current and future Senator from Alaska, stated this week that, in her view, Sarah Palin lacked the intellectual curiosity to be president. A quick Google search revealed that this was the first time in three years Ms. Palin's name and the word intellectual appeared in the same sentence.
___________________________________________________________________
George W. Bush wrote a book about his eight years as President. (Insert you own joke here)
____________________________________________________________________
The Wakefield Track and Field Team of Wakefield Mass had to recall their team shirts after the somewhat clueless coaches and parents discovered the colloquial meaning of WTF. An expression of sympathy was immediately dispatched from the Sam Houston Institute of Technology.
____________________________________________________________________
Charlie Sheen appeared unfazed after he was discovered in a New York hotel room drunk and naked with a porn actress hiding in the bathroom. (And haven't we all been there?)"If a guy has one bad night, everybody goes insane and panics" said Sheen. If OJ had thought of that defense he'd be a free man today.
Ratings for Sheen's "Two and a Half Men" are still in the top ten. I love America. If Lindsay Lohan gets a speeding ticket, everybody and their mother (but not her mother) wants to have an intervention. Charlie S. gets to treat a hotel room like a battalion of English soccer fans and...nothing. Maybe it's a double standard or maybe Ms. Lohan needs to play a TV character who drinks like Richard Burton, drives like Nick Nolte, has a patter like Mel Gibson, abuses drugs like Keith Richards and has the morals of, say, Charlie Sheen. They could call it "CSI, Betty Ford".
John Tyner, a 31 year old software engineer made the big time on Youtube last week. John was passing through the airport in San Diego on his way to a vacation in South Dakota (clearly North Dakota was full-up) when he took it into his head to object to security screening. The fact that he recorded the entire episode on his phone indicates a willful intent to be a pain in the ass. Having rejected a full body scan (perhaps he's anatomically incorrect) he also objected to a pat down. His choice of catchphrase was "if you touch my junk I'll have you arrested". Not exactly "Give me liberty or give me death" but you go with what's handy.
Let's forget for the moment that this Dilbert-like dweeb couldn't get someone to fondle his berries if he had a hundred dollar bill behind his ear in Bangkok on a Saturday night. What was this guy thinking? "If I act like a jerk maybe they'll let me go through unmolested?" Was this a stand for human dignity? A stunt to achieve internet stardom? What Mr. Tyner achieved, aside from cult status as a punchline, was ejection from the San Diego airport and an investigation by the TSA that could cost him $11,000 in fines. Hey, I don't want to go to South Dakota either but I'm not prepared to fight Uncle Sam. Anyway, I hope Mr. Tyner is enjoying his fifteen minutes. Having gone home with his testicles unfondled, this is clearly not the textbook definition of a happy ending.
___________________________________________________________________
Lisa Murkowski, current and future Senator from Alaska, stated this week that, in her view, Sarah Palin lacked the intellectual curiosity to be president. A quick Google search revealed that this was the first time in three years Ms. Palin's name and the word intellectual appeared in the same sentence.
___________________________________________________________________
George W. Bush wrote a book about his eight years as President. (Insert you own joke here)
____________________________________________________________________
The Wakefield Track and Field Team of Wakefield Mass had to recall their team shirts after the somewhat clueless coaches and parents discovered the colloquial meaning of WTF. An expression of sympathy was immediately dispatched from the Sam Houston Institute of Technology.
____________________________________________________________________
Charlie Sheen appeared unfazed after he was discovered in a New York hotel room drunk and naked with a porn actress hiding in the bathroom. (And haven't we all been there?)"If a guy has one bad night, everybody goes insane and panics" said Sheen. If OJ had thought of that defense he'd be a free man today.
Ratings for Sheen's "Two and a Half Men" are still in the top ten. I love America. If Lindsay Lohan gets a speeding ticket, everybody and their mother (but not her mother) wants to have an intervention. Charlie S. gets to treat a hotel room like a battalion of English soccer fans and...nothing. Maybe it's a double standard or maybe Ms. Lohan needs to play a TV character who drinks like Richard Burton, drives like Nick Nolte, has a patter like Mel Gibson, abuses drugs like Keith Richards and has the morals of, say, Charlie Sheen. They could call it "CSI, Betty Ford".
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
......or might Texas be the first state asked to leave the Union?
I'm sure if we asked them nicely, they'd go. After all, Texans don't appear very happy with their current national affiliation. Statehood seems not to their liking. Too many regulations. Too many taxes. Too few guns. If state's rights is such an important issue to Texas, maybe we could arrange for the ultimate state right: you can be your own country.
This particular rant comes in response to the recent book written by Texas' own Governor Rick Perry. It appears Gov. Perry has his Texas-sized knickers in a bunch over the endless stream of regulations, orders and no-so-subtle requests emanating from Washington, District of Columbia.
The Governor believes that each state ought to have maximum sovereignty over how its citizens comport themselves. If Texans want to stop on green and go on red, who's to tell them otherwise? OK Texas, you're on your own.
This isn't as crazy as it sounds. If Texas is a sovereign state, illegals would have to cross an additional 790 miles to reach the United States. Oklahoma would be a border state and therefore have something else to worry about aside from Sharia law. Jerry Jones, owner of the Dallas Cowboys, would be just another annoying foreigner. College students who have trouble paying for studies abroad could study at UT, Austin. The Mexican drug cartels could cross the border into the Democratic Republic of Texas without worrying about the displeasure of the U.S. Army. Texas could execute as many prisoners as they wish without spoil-sport documents like the Constitution ruining the fun. Hell, they wouldn't even need trials...stupid waste of money anyway.
Rick Perry, Texas' current governor, could declare himself king or czar or sheriff. He could pass laws ensuring that every citizen went armed all the time. He could abolish helmet laws, drinking age limits, seatbelts, traffic lights, speed limits and protect every citizen's right to salt the bejeeses out of his food. No more Washington to tell honest, God-fearing Texans how to live. FDA? Who needs it? Dept. of Education? Not on your life. We here in Texas believe in creationism. Climate change? Not in the Lone Star State. Down here we have two seasons: hot and hotter.
Of course without the annual handout from Uncle Sam (Texas sends the federal government about .83 cents for every dollar going the other way) Texas would need to create a state income tax. Whatever minimal infrastructure needs might arise, such as repairing the Texas portion of I-10 or I-20 or I-30 would require Texans to pony up. Texas would need its own army and navy to keep those nasty Latinos on their side of the border and of course, responsibility for border security would fall to them. No more federal subsidies for cattle ranchers or farmers and no more Pell Grants or subsidies for the university system.
The rest of America would lose something also. The colleges of the U.S. would need to rely almost exclusively on Pennsylvania, Ohio and California for high school football players. Cowboy boots might no longer be a fashion statement. Textbooks for America's schools would be crafted by moderate educators whose agenda isn't Christian, right-wing ideology. In other words: smart people. Also America will lose that irritating whine that emerges from the South every time an attempt is made to improve the quality of life in the country. Now if only we could jettison South Carolina.
Be careful what you wish for, Governor Perry. Secession might play well with the Smith & Wesson set but in the end you'll discover that having a federal government to blame for everything is a whole lot better than having everyone pointing at you. A little less salt is a small price to pay for all that federal sugar.
This particular rant comes in response to the recent book written by Texas' own Governor Rick Perry. It appears Gov. Perry has his Texas-sized knickers in a bunch over the endless stream of regulations, orders and no-so-subtle requests emanating from Washington, District of Columbia.
The Governor believes that each state ought to have maximum sovereignty over how its citizens comport themselves. If Texans want to stop on green and go on red, who's to tell them otherwise? OK Texas, you're on your own.
This isn't as crazy as it sounds. If Texas is a sovereign state, illegals would have to cross an additional 790 miles to reach the United States. Oklahoma would be a border state and therefore have something else to worry about aside from Sharia law. Jerry Jones, owner of the Dallas Cowboys, would be just another annoying foreigner. College students who have trouble paying for studies abroad could study at UT, Austin. The Mexican drug cartels could cross the border into the Democratic Republic of Texas without worrying about the displeasure of the U.S. Army. Texas could execute as many prisoners as they wish without spoil-sport documents like the Constitution ruining the fun. Hell, they wouldn't even need trials...stupid waste of money anyway.
Rick Perry, Texas' current governor, could declare himself king or czar or sheriff. He could pass laws ensuring that every citizen went armed all the time. He could abolish helmet laws, drinking age limits, seatbelts, traffic lights, speed limits and protect every citizen's right to salt the bejeeses out of his food. No more Washington to tell honest, God-fearing Texans how to live. FDA? Who needs it? Dept. of Education? Not on your life. We here in Texas believe in creationism. Climate change? Not in the Lone Star State. Down here we have two seasons: hot and hotter.
Of course without the annual handout from Uncle Sam (Texas sends the federal government about .83 cents for every dollar going the other way) Texas would need to create a state income tax. Whatever minimal infrastructure needs might arise, such as repairing the Texas portion of I-10 or I-20 or I-30 would require Texans to pony up. Texas would need its own army and navy to keep those nasty Latinos on their side of the border and of course, responsibility for border security would fall to them. No more federal subsidies for cattle ranchers or farmers and no more Pell Grants or subsidies for the university system.
The rest of America would lose something also. The colleges of the U.S. would need to rely almost exclusively on Pennsylvania, Ohio and California for high school football players. Cowboy boots might no longer be a fashion statement. Textbooks for America's schools would be crafted by moderate educators whose agenda isn't Christian, right-wing ideology. In other words: smart people. Also America will lose that irritating whine that emerges from the South every time an attempt is made to improve the quality of life in the country. Now if only we could jettison South Carolina.
Be careful what you wish for, Governor Perry. Secession might play well with the Smith & Wesson set but in the end you'll discover that having a federal government to blame for everything is a whole lot better than having everyone pointing at you. A little less salt is a small price to pay for all that federal sugar.
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
...or is the only difference between the Fox News Christmas party and the GOP Convention, Beck dressed as Santa?
Dateline:
Wednesday, November 3, 2010. 729 days until the 2012 election.
If you look hard enough, there's a lot to love about Tuesday's election. Lemonade still comes from lemons and elephant droppings can still make the flowers grow. You don't need Annie to tell you the sun will come out tomorrow. Some folks are happy already. John Boehner's coloring is just a little brighter this morning. The people of Arkansas, West Virginia, and Wisconsin are enjoying their 15 minutes of glory. On Thursday it's back to fly-over status for you. They know that the only time anyone will give a rat's ass about their state is if one of their college teams cracks the top ten or someone shoots up a 7-11.
Besides, we've heard this tune before. The cardinal archbishops of ex-presidents, i.e. Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton, both suffered big losses in their first midterms. It only makes sense. You run on a platform of making things better. When things don't get noticeably better (in the first twenty minutes after the inauguration) the country rebels and wants to punish your party. Incumbents suffer because decisions they made are easily attacked...usually by people who have never been called on to make the same decisions. Voila! Behold the tsunami.
However, the really good news is that after two years of Fox News telling the country how angry it is and how any bag of doorknobs would be better than the Democrats, many Americans were able to resist. After all, nothing could be so bad that Christine O'Donnell looks good. Exactly how far do you have to fall before this woman looks like your salvation? Apparently 40% of Delaware feels they've fallen that far. Good news: 40% is not 51%. Bad news: 40% is awfully close to the ledge. If this were a message it was a dangerous one. If you view a vote for Christine as a "no" vote, the medicine goes down a bit easier.
There was good news in Nevada also, where the people weren't quite ready to gamble on a woman who treats reporters like head lice. In a race where Harry Reid's Senate seat was as vulnerable as an unattended stack of chips at the Mirage, the GOP went all in on Sharron Angle ..and crapped out. It appears that the people of Nevada would rather hang with a 23 year Senate veteran as opposed to a woman who sees poultry as legal tender. Imagine, a state with a 14% unemployment rate coming to the conclusion that a little healthcare might be a good idea. Startling!
True, the Senate will still be blessed with Rand Paul but compared to the Real Housewives of Whackadoo County he looks somewhat rational. Anyway, it's not like Kentucky was a hotbed of progressive activism. Kentucky's idea of liberal is allowing black basketball players into Adolph Rupp Arena. Any Democratic victory there would be a gift.
Someone will have to explain West Virginia to me. Must be the miners unions. By all rights WV should be about as Democratic as South Carolina. The fact that Joe Manchin was able to capture the seat formerly occupied by Robert Byrd is a mystery. There might have been a time when legacy mattered but the good people of Massachusetts drove a spike into that idea in 2009. (See headline "Scott Brown Claims Throne of Ted Kennedy".) Whatever the reason, the great state of West Virginia will continue to have two, count them two, Democratic Senators. (They also have two of the three House Members.)
For those of you with fun in your hearts, the Senate has maintained some of its wacky, laugh-a- minute cast of characters. Bernie Sanders, America's only true Socialist, will be doing another six years as Senator from the Peoples Republic of Vermont. David Vitter is returning as Senator from Louisiana, proving once again the "live little boy/dead woman" axiom made famous by Edwin Edwards. Vitter was outed as a regular customer of a D.C. madam way back in 2007. But hey, what's a little prostitution among friends? It's not like he didn't pay for the services.Following in the grand tradition of William Jefferson (he of the cold cash) and David Duke (Klan candidate in 1988 and '92) Vitter proves once again that, in Louisiana, a little mud on your skirts is no impediment to high office. Elliott Spitzer only wishes he'd run for Governor in a state with such a "liberal" attitude.
And so we move forward. Having made a hash out of being the winners, Democrats will now take a crack trying to influence policy rather than craft it. Republicans on the other hand, are in the "be careful what you wish for" position. If the economy improves (Fox will certainly tell America the improvement has started) the GOP will benefit. If not we'll be back here in two years with the added joy of a Presidential race. So stay tuned boys and girls. The first episode of "Survivor, 2012" should start any day. We know you can see Russia from Alaska but can you see Alaska from Iowa?
Wednesday, November 3, 2010. 729 days until the 2012 election.
If you look hard enough, there's a lot to love about Tuesday's election. Lemonade still comes from lemons and elephant droppings can still make the flowers grow. You don't need Annie to tell you the sun will come out tomorrow. Some folks are happy already. John Boehner's coloring is just a little brighter this morning. The people of Arkansas, West Virginia, and Wisconsin are enjoying their 15 minutes of glory. On Thursday it's back to fly-over status for you. They know that the only time anyone will give a rat's ass about their state is if one of their college teams cracks the top ten or someone shoots up a 7-11.
Besides, we've heard this tune before. The cardinal archbishops of ex-presidents, i.e. Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton, both suffered big losses in their first midterms. It only makes sense. You run on a platform of making things better. When things don't get noticeably better (in the first twenty minutes after the inauguration) the country rebels and wants to punish your party. Incumbents suffer because decisions they made are easily attacked...usually by people who have never been called on to make the same decisions. Voila! Behold the tsunami.
However, the really good news is that after two years of Fox News telling the country how angry it is and how any bag of doorknobs would be better than the Democrats, many Americans were able to resist. After all, nothing could be so bad that Christine O'Donnell looks good. Exactly how far do you have to fall before this woman looks like your salvation? Apparently 40% of Delaware feels they've fallen that far. Good news: 40% is not 51%. Bad news: 40% is awfully close to the ledge. If this were a message it was a dangerous one. If you view a vote for Christine as a "no" vote, the medicine goes down a bit easier.
There was good news in Nevada also, where the people weren't quite ready to gamble on a woman who treats reporters like head lice. In a race where Harry Reid's Senate seat was as vulnerable as an unattended stack of chips at the Mirage, the GOP went all in on Sharron Angle ..and crapped out. It appears that the people of Nevada would rather hang with a 23 year Senate veteran as opposed to a woman who sees poultry as legal tender. Imagine, a state with a 14% unemployment rate coming to the conclusion that a little healthcare might be a good idea. Startling!
True, the Senate will still be blessed with Rand Paul but compared to the Real Housewives of Whackadoo County he looks somewhat rational. Anyway, it's not like Kentucky was a hotbed of progressive activism. Kentucky's idea of liberal is allowing black basketball players into Adolph Rupp Arena. Any Democratic victory there would be a gift.
Someone will have to explain West Virginia to me. Must be the miners unions. By all rights WV should be about as Democratic as South Carolina. The fact that Joe Manchin was able to capture the seat formerly occupied by Robert Byrd is a mystery. There might have been a time when legacy mattered but the good people of Massachusetts drove a spike into that idea in 2009. (See headline "Scott Brown Claims Throne of Ted Kennedy".) Whatever the reason, the great state of West Virginia will continue to have two, count them two, Democratic Senators. (They also have two of the three House Members.)
For those of you with fun in your hearts, the Senate has maintained some of its wacky, laugh-a- minute cast of characters. Bernie Sanders, America's only true Socialist, will be doing another six years as Senator from the Peoples Republic of Vermont. David Vitter is returning as Senator from Louisiana, proving once again the "live little boy/dead woman" axiom made famous by Edwin Edwards. Vitter was outed as a regular customer of a D.C. madam way back in 2007. But hey, what's a little prostitution among friends? It's not like he didn't pay for the services.Following in the grand tradition of William Jefferson (he of the cold cash) and David Duke (Klan candidate in 1988 and '92) Vitter proves once again that, in Louisiana, a little mud on your skirts is no impediment to high office. Elliott Spitzer only wishes he'd run for Governor in a state with such a "liberal" attitude.
And so we move forward. Having made a hash out of being the winners, Democrats will now take a crack trying to influence policy rather than craft it. Republicans on the other hand, are in the "be careful what you wish for" position. If the economy improves (Fox will certainly tell America the improvement has started) the GOP will benefit. If not we'll be back here in two years with the added joy of a Presidential race. So stay tuned boys and girls. The first episode of "Survivor, 2012" should start any day. We know you can see Russia from Alaska but can you see Alaska from Iowa?
Monday, November 01, 2010
...or is it possible to have a revolution without being revolting?
At least 200,000 people showed up on the Washington Mall last Saturday. Ostensibly, the reason was to heed the clarion call of Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert, they of Comedy Central. The faithful mostly arrived on public transportation, comported themselves with dignity, watched the show and went home. There was no drinking (that I saw) and only an occasional doob wafting in the fall air. You know it's 2010 when the smell of marijuana causes the assembled multitude to nod in recognition. However, the smell of a tobacco cigarette caused irritation and annoyance. Not many Mad Men fans in the group.
Back to the reason that all those people decided to spend a beautiful Fall Saturday with 200,000 of their fellow humans. I haven't the foggiest. There might be a few Woodstockian parallels. The crowd was mostly young...by my standards anyway. There was a sense of a "happening". The idea that Jon Stewart had created an anti-Glenn Beck event caused younger DC types to want to show up and be counted. It would be nice if they remember that sentiment on Election Day but, if most are students, it's too late to vote back home. They weren't there for the food...Woodstock had better caterers. They weren't there for the music. That was fun but ancillary to the event. It was nice to see Yusuf Islam aka Cat Stevens (Honestly why not just use the name everyone knows?) in his most recent political/religious iteration. The point wasn't the show or the speeches. The comedy was OK but a distraction. The reason was to see how many people Stewart could get to show up. Think: How many people can you stuff into a phone booth times 200,000. Once everybody showed up, well, that was pretty much it. Actually, the visit from Father Guido Sarducci was enough for me.
There were signs everywhere. Some of my favorites are posted above. There was some soft-core politics, some representing a cause but most were just silly funny. The posters were perfect to the occasion: unfocused, random, even confusing. One poster said "God is a Sock". ? It was the national convention of non sequiturs. The universal factor was that everyone was having a good time. Smiles and good cheer were everywhere. There may be troubles aplenty in the Land but you would never know it in this crowd.
And that may have been the point. Stewart's message in his speech was that 24 hour media (read Fox News) fuels the notion that America is at war with itself, at war with President Obama and at war with Congress. Congressional Republicans want to be at war with Congressional Democrats. Democrats believe that Republicans are old, white and in the way. The rally symbolized the fact that a large percentage of the population isn't at war with anybody. If this had been 1968 the rally would have been called a "be in".
So America, see if you can stop being led around by Fox News and MSNBC. Try not letting air-headed chat specialists tell you what to be angry about. See if reading a paper (assuming you can get past the idea that all media is biased...mostly liberal bias) helps you form your own ideas and opinions. Regardless of your IQ, you can't really believe that Glenn Beck knows anything. You really don't think Keith Olbermann has all the answers. Try acting like the money your parents spent on your education didn't all go to waste.
So Stand Up! Go over to the window! Open it up and in a normal speaking voice say " I'm not actually mad at anyone and Rupert Murdoch should not tell me I am". Then close the window and go read a book...and not one of Becks.
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