Aside from Dan Brown who can hardly wait to twist the Papal resignation into a new vehicle for Tom Hanks, I can't see why all the fuss over the announcement that Joe Ratzinger a.k.a. Benedict XVI is retiring. It's not like he's Tony Bennett. The guy is 85 and looks every day of it. Look, if you can't keep your head up while wearing the papal crown, you should probably take it off. John Paul II waited too long and ended up looking like his neck wasn't attached to his head. (What...too soon?)
Anyway, the charming fact is that the only way the Pope was able to get anyone in America or Western Europe to pay any attention to him was to quit. Prior to his resignation he was as relevant as Paul McCartney who also hasn't produced anything noteworthy in 30 years.
Benedict leaves the Vatican (do you suppose he walks out the gate like Jake Blues leaving prison in the Blues Brothers?) in a terrible mess. Americans attend Mass with the frequency with which they pay their taxes...and with as much joy. Joke: St. Mary's Catholic Church was having a problem with squirrels in the attic. Nothing worked to get rid of them until Father O'Brien had an idea. He had all the squirrels baptised as Catholics. Now they only show up on Christmas and Easter. In Europe, even in ostensibly Catholic countries like Spain and Italy, the average age of the people at Mass on Sunday is AARP+25. If not for tourists many churches would be abandoned. (Did you ever notice that while traveling in Europe you will make it a point to visit every church you see but at home you would never check out a church in say Toledo or Baltimore? Why is that?)
Clearly, people don't feel the need to attend services in a church that doesn't appear to like them or relate to them. When 90% of Catholics practice birth control (the other 10% are either pregnant, infertile, or are dating Donald Trump) you have a disconnect. When the faithful hold moderate views on married priests, women priests and even abortion while the hierarchy and the clergy cling to attitudes made popular during the Middle Ages, you have a disengaged flock. The bishops in Rome are like the teaparty but with sillier hats. It's the reformation of the bored. Catholics just don't find anything in the church that speaks to them although there are many in the pulpit speaking at them.
Then we have the issue of child abuse and the incredibly tone-deaf way the church has dealt (or not dealt) with the aftermath. This issue isn't going away any time soon but a little candor and a lot of compassion might have made Rome look a little less Fagen and a little more like the paragon of morality they profess to be. My old teacher, "Bald" Bill Carney, OSA use to say "you can't claim to have a clean house if you hide the garbage cans under the piano". The church can't do much about the horrific decisions that were made by bishops and cardinals in the 40's and 50's but that can sure as hell make the records public and "out" every predator priest and enabling pastor and bishop. In the process of trying to protect one or two felons the church has sacrificed every bit of good will they had on the altar of obfuscation. As any apartment dweller in Manhattan will tell you, when you see one bug, there are most certainly others.
The cluelessness of the Vatican was never more on display than when the cardinals met in conclave following the death of John Paul II. In fairly short order, they elected to the papacy the one man most responsible for the cloak of secrecy that surrounded their dirty little sin of pederasty. Joseph Ratzinger was rewarded by the College of Cardinals for keeping the biggest scandal since the Borgias as contained as possible. In his role as head of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith (known in former centuries by its more infamous name, The Inquisition) Cardinal Ratzinger ensured that all reports of pedophile priests and their helpers came to him...and only him. Rome was a bit slow to get the memo that, in 2013, there are no secrets and nothing can be contained for long.
Nevertheless, Joe Ratzinger became Pope. In that capacity he has continued in the pinched footsteps of his predecessor. No, not Torquemada...John Paul II. He has refused to even listen to talk of married priests or a softening of the prohibition on birth control. His response to a call for a greater role for women in the Church has been to censure American nuns who have advocated for change. The Church continues to serve up the same bitter gruel and wonders why no one is asking for seconds. Relevance goes deeper than a Twitter account or being able to buy a hair shirt on RCC.com. If the Cardinals in Rome don't start thinking about ways to connect with developed countries, they will continue to be as anachronistic as nuns in habits.
And, as if the disgraceful handling of the child abuse scandal in the U.S. wasn't already shining a harsh light on the Church in general, we now have the tale of Cardinal Roger Mahony. Mahony was forced to step down as archbishop of Los Angeles when it was learned that he allowed a notorious pedophile priest, Nicolas Rivera, to escape to Mexico in 1988 rather than face charges in the U.S. Cardinal Manony's felonious conduct will, of course, not prevent him from sauntering off to Rome to participate in the election of the new pope. This is a bit like asking Bernie Madoff to help elect the next chairman of the SEC.
And so, beginning on March 15th we will be treated to an army of television journalists standing in St. Peter's Square breathlessly watching for white or black smoke. These are the same reporters who otherwise would be standing around in front of Silvio Berlusconi's house to see how many women were doing the walk of shame on Sunday mornings. When a new pope is chosen we will be treated to the customary appearance on the balcony of the residence while the adoring masses, none of whom have attended Mass in ten yeas will cheer for La Papa. His robes appear heavy and the papal hat always looks too big. The look on his face will show just a trace of embarrassment. Maybe now we know why.
Monday, February 18, 2013
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Or has the Stupid Party decided that stupid actually works for them?
It has been several weeks since Governor Bobby Jindal of Louisiana took to the podium in Williamsburg, VA and encouraged his Republican brothers to stop acting as if loopy were a requirement for party membership. Thus far his message has gone largely unheeded. Perhaps he should buy some ad time on "Swamp People". Southerners are fond of saying "you can't fix stupid", a condition with which they are all too well acquainted. It would now appear that Governor Jindal is the only member of his party to even recognize the "stupid" problem.
For proof that the message isn't getting through, one need look no farther than the events of this week. To wit:
The face of the GOP has recently morphed from orange to bronze in the person of Florida's Senator Marco Rubio. Senator Rubio was chosen to present the sane Republican response to the President's State of the Union message on Tuesday night. The Stupid-wing Republican rebuttal followed immediately thereafter. That task went to Senator Rand Paul of Kentucky. In this dubious role, Paul was following in the erratic footsteps of such revered statesmen as Herman "9-9-9" Cain, Michele Bachmann of Minnesota and the singing fish from the McDonald's ads. Seriously, if your party can't even chose one person to espouse your beliefs, you had better start making a short list of rebuttal speakers for year 2017 and beyond.
Anyway, Senator Rubio delivered his address in Spanish as well as English. Who said those Republicans aren't reaching out? However, no sooner had Rubio intoned "y que continue bendiciendo a Los Estados de America" than some Republican luddite who missed the memo criticized Rubio for forgetting that English is America's language. No doubt he said it in a dialect no Englishman would understand.
While Senator Rubio was using his prime-time moment to express Republican inclusivity toward a voting block that ruined Election Day for his party, he was a bit slower to represent for another constituency that went against the GOP...women. On Tuesday, as he was putting the finishing touches on his Valentine to Hispanics, Rubio took time to join 22 other Republican Senators in attempting to scuttle a reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act originally past in 1994. Apparently Marco's largess extends just so far. Fortunately, there were 72 other Senators who felt that violence against women was a moral priority, not just an opportunity to show off your language skills. Rubio and the other 22 numskulls in the Senate would be well to remember that women speak English and they heard loud and clear all of those "no" votes.
Because Senators and Congressmen are forbidden to bring explosive devices into Congress for the President's speech, Congressman Steve Stockman of The Peoples Republic of East Texas, bought his own whoopee cushion. Stockman, who represents all that is daffy about the GOP (his next-store neighbor in East Texas is Louie Gohmert) invited Ted Nugent to attend the State of the Union speech. Nugent, who hasn't been a force in music since Hall and Oats were popular, has nevertheless kept busy as an obnoxious spokesman for gun violence in America. Mostly noted for shooting off his mouth Nugent has nonetheless attracted the attention of the Secret Service. It seems that people who mention guns and the President in the same sentence get special attention from law enforcement even when they have the demonstrated intelligence of a guitar pick. Anyway, Nugent sat in the gallery glaring but causing no great fuss and Stockman, his host, just looked foolish.
But looking foolish is what Bobby Jindal was talking about in his speech. Every time a Republican espouses some crackpot idea (guns in church comes to mind) the entire party looks crazy. Like it or not, people tend to take voting seriously. Why is it that only Karl Rove gets this? Folks may complain about Harry Reid or Claire McCaskill but when they close the curtain in the voting booth they tend not to vote for people who appear uninformed, unaware or unhinged. We like our elected representatives to at least appear normal, not on a two day pass from the "home". Conservative die-hards may rail against reporters who ask hard questions of their candidates but bad answers make an impression.
And so when the clown car pulls up in front of the Congressional Office Building, don't be surprised to see all those teabagger Republicans pile out. They're really easy to spot. They will be armed to the teeth, toting Bibles and texts on creationism. They'll be the ones droning-on about how climate science is a hoax and Barack Obama is a socialist Kenyan. But pay them no mind. They will be gone shortly, replaced with a new gaggle of even crazier loons. Texas alone could keep Washington in crackpots for years. So best of luck to Bobby Jindal and Karl Rove. Maybe they can't fix stupid but they can at least quarantine it to East Texas.
Wednesday, February 06, 2013
...or should no one be surprised that if you elect constipated conservatives to govern your state, your Capitol will eventually fill up with shit?
Sorry for the unfortunate choice of words but the staggering volume of bad laws working their way through many state legislatures engenders wonder, disgust and the occasional scatological reference. Barack Obama (may his smile never grow a cavity) and the Democrats may have won a few victories in the last general election but the sewer rats who took over 28 state houses in 2010 are the termites eating the presidential platform.
Naturally, most of these evil deeds are coming from the South and the Northern Midwest where disgruntled voters were less than thrilled to learn that Barack H. Obama would be beaming at them from 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. for four more years. Well, they may not be able to stop National Healthcare and they couldn't prevent a tax increase for the well-off (which most of them aren't anyway) but by God they can turn back the liberal hoard in other ways. Here are just a few of the new initiatives that are working their way through state houses in the hinterlands: Note, not all of this nonsense is actual law and most of it will never be voted on (thank God) but crazy legislators in many state houses have proposed them and some have been passed by at least one house.
Republicans are sick and tired of losing elections in the electoral college. Actually, most red state shmos don't really even understand the electoral college or how it works. Many think it's a university somewhere in New York City. Nevertheless they are vexed when a large majority of the counties in a given state vote Republican but large population centers turn the state blue. With the winner-take-all system in most states, places like California, New York, Illinois and several others are reliably blue although many of their counties lean radically to the Right. (Nebraska and Maine are different. They have apportioned delegates.) Never mind that in 2012 Barack Obama won both the popular vote in those states and the only time in recent memory that a popular vote winner lost the election was Al Gore in 2000. Lost on the GOP is the fact that they have actually won 9 of the last 16 elections with the current system.
(For a look at how the election of 2012 broke out by county, check RealClearPolitics at:
http://www.realclearpolitics.com/)
Republicans are unmoved by little stuff like the will of the people (in California, Pres. Obama won 60% of the total votes cast). Their attitude is simple, if you can't win on the merits, tilt the playing field. So, several states are trying to change the winner-take-all system and replace it with an apportioned system. Virginia's House of Delegates actually tried to sneak such a bill through the state house while one Democrat was attending the inauguration in January. This is a bad idea on several fronts but mostly because it might come back to bite Republicans on the ass. Georgia, Texas, Arizona and a few others have a growing number of Hispanic citizens who, under the current electoral system are unrepresented in red states. The Dems might trade a few lost votes in Illinois for half of Texas and Georgia. The GOP just might just end up holding the wrong end of the shotgun.
And that brings us to guns. A few of our brother states (those with the lowest IQ and, coincidentally, the highest rate of guns per household) have decided not to wait and see what the hated socialist in the White House is cooking up regarding their right to keep and bear arms. Bastions of intellect like Texas, Missouri, and Mississippi are proposing to nullify any and all laws and executive orders that emanate from Washington which impinge on their sacred right to be armed to the teeth. Those Texas history books that make the news every year apparently don't include the chapters on nullification. None of these loony laws has the slightest chance of being constitutional but that isn't the point. The point is to act defiant in the face of reason; to look stupid when all around you appear rational; to draw a line in the sand with the barrel of your AR-15 and dare those commies in DC to cross it. It makes you wonder why the state motto of Texas isn't "Ignorance=Virtue".
This just in ...Arkansas has joined South Carolina, Louisiana and Wyoming in passing a law (yes, this one is a law) permitting churchgoers to carry loaded, concealed firearms into church. Presumably God knows who's packing. Actually each house of worship will get to decide if guns will be permitted and who can carry one. Henceforth, the term "squeezing one off in church" will have a whole new meaning. Wow, I'll bet those crosses and statues make tempting targets, not to mention long-winded preachers.
Speaking of church...
In case you thought the religious crazies had retreated to their snake-handling warrens, think again. There are new and draconian abortion laws wending their way through no fewer than twelve state houses. By now you could probably list them without help from isitjustme. My personal favorite is the state of New Mexico. The Land of Enchantment isn't usually listed among the wing-nut states. Its two million citizens went for Obama in 2008 and 2012. In spite of its proximity to uber-dopey Arizona, New Mexicans seem at peace with a population that is 30% Spanish speaking. Nevertheless, one state legislator has dreamed up a novel way to curtail abortion in her state.State representative Cathrynn Brown (yes, a woman) has proposed a bill which would make it a felony to have an abortion in the case of rape because (wait for it) the fetus would be evidence in a rape trial. Nifty, eh? Congratulations to Rep. Brown who, with one bill, has managed to make Todd Akin look like Susan Sontag.
Of course abortion isn't the only pet project of the religious right. Don't forget the "caveman riding dinosaurs" world of creationism. Apparently no one heard Gov. Bobby Jindal of Louisiana when he admonished Republicans for being the stupid party. Actually Jindal wasn't even able to make himself heard in Louisiana or inside his own head. Jindal signed the "Louisiana Science Education Act" (irony, thy name is Jindal) which makes public funds available "in science classes" for the promulgation of alternate theories like creationism. It isn't bad enough that Louisiana wants to teach religious claptrap in public schools with state money. They want to do it in science class. That's like teaching pig latin in language labs or rejecting math formulas in favor of counting on your fingers. Jindal wants to change the GOP from the stupid party to the ill-informed party or the "gimmie that ole time religion" party.
Naturally, Jindal is a climate change denier. And why not? The governor of the state that experienced Katrina is the perfect spokesperson for the "man is having no effect whatsoever on the condition of the atmosphere" school of thought. (By the way, why aren't the teabaggers screaming for Bobby {his real first name is Piyush} Jindal's birth certificate? He looks about as American as the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.) As a Catholic, Jindal no doubt would have us pray for the climate to improve. In the meantime, if you're on Bourbon St. next week, expect to see people carrying signs that say, "show us your Smith and Wessons".
Wait, there's more. Robert Marshall, Republican state delegate from Prince William County, Virginia has proposed that Virginia study the possibility of minting its own money. Why? Well, for when the financial apocalypse arrives thanks to Obama's financial insanity, of course. Delegate Marshall thinks that Virginia, the state that gave America the Declaration of Independence and the Bill of Rights, is the perfect place to provide gold and silver coins as legal tender when the zombies or who ever take over the Federal Reserve and the Treasury (if they haven't already). States are prohibited from minting paper money but they can mint commemorative coins which could be used as legal tender. I sincerely hope that the Virginia state house cafeteria avoids serving foods that require the use of a knife.
Again, let me remind you that all, repeat all, of these crackpot ideas are the products of Republican legislatures and governors. If this sort of lunacy occurred when Jimmy Carter or Bill Clinton was elected, I missed it. This is the work of teabaggers and their toadies' people elected to thwart the will of the majority. Small people who, unable to persuade anyone on the national level that their way is the only way, have hijacked local government. Make no mistake, these people are dangerous. They may be wearing tinfoil hats but their guns have real bullets and they're coming for your vote...one way or another.
In fairness, if anyone out there can point to just one similar sin of government perpetrated by the Democrats I will post it. Please don't tell me about National Healthcare or or recess appointments.
Naturally, most of these evil deeds are coming from the South and the Northern Midwest where disgruntled voters were less than thrilled to learn that Barack H. Obama would be beaming at them from 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. for four more years. Well, they may not be able to stop National Healthcare and they couldn't prevent a tax increase for the well-off (which most of them aren't anyway) but by God they can turn back the liberal hoard in other ways. Here are just a few of the new initiatives that are working their way through state houses in the hinterlands: Note, not all of this nonsense is actual law and most of it will never be voted on (thank God) but crazy legislators in many state houses have proposed them and some have been passed by at least one house.
Republicans are sick and tired of losing elections in the electoral college. Actually, most red state shmos don't really even understand the electoral college or how it works. Many think it's a university somewhere in New York City. Nevertheless they are vexed when a large majority of the counties in a given state vote Republican but large population centers turn the state blue. With the winner-take-all system in most states, places like California, New York, Illinois and several others are reliably blue although many of their counties lean radically to the Right. (Nebraska and Maine are different. They have apportioned delegates.) Never mind that in 2012 Barack Obama won both the popular vote in those states and the only time in recent memory that a popular vote winner lost the election was Al Gore in 2000. Lost on the GOP is the fact that they have actually won 9 of the last 16 elections with the current system.
(For a look at how the election of 2012 broke out by county, check RealClearPolitics at:
http://www.realclearpolitics.com/)
Republicans are unmoved by little stuff like the will of the people (in California, Pres. Obama won 60% of the total votes cast). Their attitude is simple, if you can't win on the merits, tilt the playing field. So, several states are trying to change the winner-take-all system and replace it with an apportioned system. Virginia's House of Delegates actually tried to sneak such a bill through the state house while one Democrat was attending the inauguration in January. This is a bad idea on several fronts but mostly because it might come back to bite Republicans on the ass. Georgia, Texas, Arizona and a few others have a growing number of Hispanic citizens who, under the current electoral system are unrepresented in red states. The Dems might trade a few lost votes in Illinois for half of Texas and Georgia. The GOP just might just end up holding the wrong end of the shotgun.
And that brings us to guns. A few of our brother states (those with the lowest IQ and, coincidentally, the highest rate of guns per household) have decided not to wait and see what the hated socialist in the White House is cooking up regarding their right to keep and bear arms. Bastions of intellect like Texas, Missouri, and Mississippi are proposing to nullify any and all laws and executive orders that emanate from Washington which impinge on their sacred right to be armed to the teeth. Those Texas history books that make the news every year apparently don't include the chapters on nullification. None of these loony laws has the slightest chance of being constitutional but that isn't the point. The point is to act defiant in the face of reason; to look stupid when all around you appear rational; to draw a line in the sand with the barrel of your AR-15 and dare those commies in DC to cross it. It makes you wonder why the state motto of Texas isn't "Ignorance=Virtue".
This just in ...Arkansas has joined South Carolina, Louisiana and Wyoming in passing a law (yes, this one is a law) permitting churchgoers to carry loaded, concealed firearms into church. Presumably God knows who's packing. Actually each house of worship will get to decide if guns will be permitted and who can carry one. Henceforth, the term "squeezing one off in church" will have a whole new meaning. Wow, I'll bet those crosses and statues make tempting targets, not to mention long-winded preachers.
Speaking of church...
In case you thought the religious crazies had retreated to their snake-handling warrens, think again. There are new and draconian abortion laws wending their way through no fewer than twelve state houses. By now you could probably list them without help from isitjustme. My personal favorite is the state of New Mexico. The Land of Enchantment isn't usually listed among the wing-nut states. Its two million citizens went for Obama in 2008 and 2012. In spite of its proximity to uber-dopey Arizona, New Mexicans seem at peace with a population that is 30% Spanish speaking. Nevertheless, one state legislator has dreamed up a novel way to curtail abortion in her state.State representative Cathrynn Brown (yes, a woman) has proposed a bill which would make it a felony to have an abortion in the case of rape because (wait for it) the fetus would be evidence in a rape trial. Nifty, eh? Congratulations to Rep. Brown who, with one bill, has managed to make Todd Akin look like Susan Sontag.
Of course abortion isn't the only pet project of the religious right. Don't forget the "caveman riding dinosaurs" world of creationism. Apparently no one heard Gov. Bobby Jindal of Louisiana when he admonished Republicans for being the stupid party. Actually Jindal wasn't even able to make himself heard in Louisiana or inside his own head. Jindal signed the "Louisiana Science Education Act" (irony, thy name is Jindal) which makes public funds available "in science classes" for the promulgation of alternate theories like creationism. It isn't bad enough that Louisiana wants to teach religious claptrap in public schools with state money. They want to do it in science class. That's like teaching pig latin in language labs or rejecting math formulas in favor of counting on your fingers. Jindal wants to change the GOP from the stupid party to the ill-informed party or the "gimmie that ole time religion" party.
Naturally, Jindal is a climate change denier. And why not? The governor of the state that experienced Katrina is the perfect spokesperson for the "man is having no effect whatsoever on the condition of the atmosphere" school of thought. (By the way, why aren't the teabaggers screaming for Bobby {his real first name is Piyush} Jindal's birth certificate? He looks about as American as the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.) As a Catholic, Jindal no doubt would have us pray for the climate to improve. In the meantime, if you're on Bourbon St. next week, expect to see people carrying signs that say, "show us your Smith and Wessons".
Wait, there's more. Robert Marshall, Republican state delegate from Prince William County, Virginia has proposed that Virginia study the possibility of minting its own money. Why? Well, for when the financial apocalypse arrives thanks to Obama's financial insanity, of course. Delegate Marshall thinks that Virginia, the state that gave America the Declaration of Independence and the Bill of Rights, is the perfect place to provide gold and silver coins as legal tender when the zombies or who ever take over the Federal Reserve and the Treasury (if they haven't already). States are prohibited from minting paper money but they can mint commemorative coins which could be used as legal tender. I sincerely hope that the Virginia state house cafeteria avoids serving foods that require the use of a knife.
Again, let me remind you that all, repeat all, of these crackpot ideas are the products of Republican legislatures and governors. If this sort of lunacy occurred when Jimmy Carter or Bill Clinton was elected, I missed it. This is the work of teabaggers and their toadies' people elected to thwart the will of the majority. Small people who, unable to persuade anyone on the national level that their way is the only way, have hijacked local government. Make no mistake, these people are dangerous. They may be wearing tinfoil hats but their guns have real bullets and they're coming for your vote...one way or another.
In fairness, if anyone out there can point to just one similar sin of government perpetrated by the Democrats I will post it. Please don't tell me about National Healthcare or or recess appointments.
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