Items you may have missed...
Former president Jimmy Carter has just released his new book, “Palestine: Peace Not Apartheid”. This volume is Mr. Carter’s 21st. It’s now official: Jimmy Carter has written more books than George Bush has read…not counting “The Pet Goat”, which he was unable to finish.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Michael Vick, quarterback for the struggling Atlanta Falcons, apologized today for extending two middle-finger salutes to heckling fans after the Falcons loss to the New Orleans Saints. Mr. Vick said that he was sorry that he only had two hands, and therefore only two middle-fingers to express his feelings to the citizens of Atlanta. Vick has promised to enroll in the Jeremy Shockey School for Anger Management when the season ends.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Retail sales on "black friday" (the Friday after Thanksgiving) were up 19% this year with many shoppers waiting hours outside stores and malls. One tee-shirt was in particular demand this season. The shirt carries the WalMart logo over the words, "I have no life". The egregious garment comes equipped with its own gravy stains.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The entertainment world was stunned to learn that Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson were calling it quits after four months (that's 1,2,3,4 months) of wedded bliss. The couple had been married in three separate ceremonies over last summer. A spokesman for Ms. Anderson has suggested that Pamela's next nuptuals will be as part of the annual Sun Yung Moon ceremony in Yankee Stadium where she will marry all the men present.
In accordance with the community-property laws of the State of California, Mr. Rock said he expects to be awarded at least one of Pamela's breasts in the settlement.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Barbara and Jenna Bush, daughters of president-for-the-moment George W. Bush are continuing their vacation in Buenos Aires after Jenna Bush had her purse stolen. Serious concerns were expressed by the White House in that the purse contained a lipstick, Ms. Bush's driver liscense, a comb, and the Republican plan stablizing the situation in Iraq. Undaunted, the twins have decided to stay the course.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Mathew Brady Photo Library has released several recently discovered photographs taken during the weeks surrounding the assassination of President Lincoln. One of the photos appears to have been taken immediately after the president died. Included in the photo are Vice-president Andrew Johnson, Secretary of the Treasury Simon Chase, Interior Secretary James Harlen and Reverand Al Sharpton. Historians were not particularly surprised to see the Rev. Sharpton in the photo, but were amazed that the Rev. Jesse Jackson had been somehow cropped out.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
President Bush landed in Tallinn, Estonia on Monday on his way to a NATO conference in Riga, Latvia which begins today. Upon landing, Mr. Bush was heard to remark that he was amazed at how many countries there were that he had never heard of. Having recently watched the film, "Borat", the president was shocked to learn that Kazakhstan is a real place. He immediately began searching a nearby atlas for Freedonia and Sylvania.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dr. David Mininberg, a physican in New York City, presented a study Monday at the annual meeting of the Radiological Society of America, which proves conclusively that King Tutankhamun was not killed by his enemies. Dr. Mininberg, who is an expert on Egyptian medicine, performed several CT scans on the mummy. His findings have not only put the King Tut murder theory to rest, but have also prompted producer Jerry Bruckheimer to begin work on a new TV series staring Omar Sharif to be called, "CSI, Cairo".
No comments:
Post a Comment