Strange but true?
While dozing in front of the TV on the night before the election, I was startled by my ringing phone. Another political call, I mused, while attempting to reach the handset before the magic fourth ring sent the call into voicemail. But this was no ordinary election eve message.
"Hello. This is Ronald Wilson Reagan.
I don't normally return from the dead to make these kinds of calls. I hated them when I was alive. They would always wake me up during those boring cabinet meetings.
Nevertheless, Karl Rove came to California, said a few words in an ancient language over my grave, and, here I am. (at least in Chicago the dead only come back to vote)
Well, as long as I've been resurrected, I might as well remind you to vote tomorrow for George Allen, Republican from Virginia, (by way of California) in the Senatorial.
George is a fine boy. It's true that he hasn't had an original thought since he won the seat in 2000, but the ideas that Dick Cheney has given him are better anyway. Besides,his father, George Allen, was the former coach of the Washington Redskins and, isn't that what really counts. After all, I played a football hero in a movie and look how well that worked out.
George's opponent, Jim Webb was, for a short time, my Secretary of the Navy. We had a falling out over what color to paint the ships and he quit. That sort of independent thinking has no place in the modern Republican party. Fortunately, thanks to Rove, Rumsfeld, Cheney, Wolfowitz and the boys, almost no one ever disagrees with the party doctrine...for long.
Well, I'm getting a little tired now so I'll say goodbye. Don't forget to vote for your local Republican. We are not perfect but we're never wrong. I realize that, like George W., some of my policies were misguided but at least we got rid of Daniel Ortega."
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