...or are the wheels of progress running over my feet?

Item

First we lost the IBM Selectric typewriter. Now we've lost Kodachrome. That's right gang, the Eastman Kodak Company, maker of all that film with ISO numbers you never understood, has decided to suspend the production of slide film. I guess we can't be too surprised. Between camera phones and digital cameras, the only people shooting "chromes" are the 27 folks that still have working projectors. (Admit it. Somewhere in your attic/basement you have a projector with a burned-out bulb.)

Naturally, there will be purists who will bemoan the loss of "real" photography. This would be the same gang that swears vinyl recordings are preferable to CDs and cork is better for wine than screw tops (it isn't). If the subject is "photography as art", I leave the discussion to those with a more discerning eye than mine. If we are taking about pictures of the family reunion, you just can't beat digital. How else can you take and store hundreds of pictures of people you hope never to see again? Instead of boxes and albums of old, forgotten photos of old, forgotten people, we now have memory cards and computer files filled with the same junk. Think of how many more memories we can ignore thanks to technology. Those hundreds of treasured pictures of relatives we never liked and girlfriends who made our lives a living hell can forever be stored in the digital obscurity they so richly deserve.

The ability to store our photographic memories on little bits of plastic has liberated shelf and closet space for the storage of more significant treasures... like the last issue of The New York Times, or the CD containing the confession speeches of every politician caught with his hand up someone else's skirt. (Except for Jim McGreevey, Mark Foley and Larry Craig. Their mea culpa's involved zippers.) The possibilities are endless. Just don't go looking for a typewriter to type labels.

___________________________________________________________________


Item

The Supreme Court has recently concluded its term for this year. Although most of the media attention focused on Ricci v. De Stefano, the case involving those New Haven Firefighters and the test for lieutenant, some attention should have been paid to the almost unprecedented voting of the court's more conservative members. During this court session, during which more than 75 cases were decided, Justice Clarence Thomas voted differently than Justice Antonin Scalia not once but twice! This is an event which visits the High Court with the frequency of Haley's Comet. Thomas votes in lock step with Scalia so often that it's been suggested that Scalia be given two votes and Thomas be allowed to return to Georgia. In one of the cases, Northwest Austin Municipal Utility District No. One v. Holder, Judge Thomas actually stood alone, as in 8 to 1.


Justice Thomas, who has not asked a question from the bench during oral argument since 2006 (court records indicate that the question was "Counselor, can you tell me where you bought that great looking tie?"), has been a firm opponent of all laws related to equal rights. Having availed himself of one or two opportunities made possible by the Equal Rights Act, Judge Thomas has spent the last 19 years attempting to ensure that those opportunities will not exist for others. His "get a job, boy" attitude is particularly odd in that his primary claim to fame, prior to the Court, was as head of the U.S. Equal Opportunity Employment Commission (where he met Anita Hill).


Justice Thomas' recent independent streak is not likely to last. Regardless of how conservative and radical his recent decisions have been, he has been and will remain,in the minority. Praise Jesus.

__________________________________________________________________

Item

In a press release straight out of Oz, The Roman Catholic Church has concluded "scientifically" that the bones thought to be the remains of St. Paul are... the remains of St.Paul. In a delightful example of ecclesiastical obfuscation, the Church states, "...this seems to confirm the unanimous and uncontested tradition that they (the bones Catholics have been paying to visit for hundreds of years), are the mortal remains of the Apostle Paul."

Holy Orders, Batman! What exactly is an "uncontested tradition"? Once upon a time the Church had many uncontested traditions. The Earth is flat. The Sun revolves around the Earth. These were uncontested traditions postulated for a very long time. Scientists received lengthy prison sentences for disputing these uncontested traditions.

Anyway, what the Pope learned through "scientific testing" was that the remains, buried under the altar of St. Paul's Outside the Walls Church in Rome, can be carbon-dated to the time of St. Paul. Period. Without DNA from St. Paul himself, all of the evidence is circumstantial. What the archaeologists determined was that none of the evidence contradicts what the Church has believed since the bones were interred. Having recently concluded that the Shroud of Turin is a hoax, I suspect that Rome was somewhat relieved to discover that the revered relic of St. Paul wasn't some stone mason who fell into the cement in 1827. Thank heaven for small miracles.

...or is one man's lemon another man's lemonade?

Item

Amid the weeping and wailing across America and the world over the death of Michael Jackson, there was a noticeable shout of joy emanating from the State Capital of South Carolina. It seems that the sudden demise of the King of Pop has knocked Governor Mark Sanford clear off the front page of the country's newspapers. Headlines like "Buenos Airhead" and "Latin Lover Emails" were erased in favor of a gushing river of praise for the man most recently famous as the most notorious pedophile not wearing a cassock. Jackson went immediately from the bizarre owner of Neverland Ranch to America's most revered performer. Death is a better detergent than Tide.



So congratulations to Governor Sanford! With any luck he will be able to continue his environmentally laudatory interest in extending the Appalachian Trail to the suburbs of Buenos Aries.

Quiet congratulations also to the family of Farrah Fawcett. The Jackson story has also allowed her loved ones to mourn with more dignity than they would normally have been accorded.



___________________________________________________________________


Item

And speaking of people getting kicked off the front page, how would you like to be Kim Jong Il?
This guy has done everything short of short-sheeting the Lincoln bedroom to get the attention of the world. Threatening to "wipe America off the map" got him more notice on Jon Stewart's show than in the New York Times. Even his nukes aren't being taken seriously. Experts agree that, short of mailing one to Hawaii, Kim's ability to deliver a bomb is limited at best. Understandably, the South Koreans and the 30,000 American military personnel stationed south of the 38th parallel are somewhat more concerned. They are relying on China to keep Kim quiet. A steady supply of Ben & Jerry's Chuncky Monkey and Bay Watch DVD's in HD have worked so far. Fingers-crossed, soon Kim will be joining his ancestors in that great rubber room in the sky and leave us all to deal with Kim Jong-un (who is actually Kim Jong-trois) the designated successor.

Recent history notwithstanding, President Obama does not feel it necessary to swat every fly. Unlike his predecessor, Obama (may the Lord guide his free-throws) has adopted an attitude that sticks and stones may break my bones but your weak-ass nuclear threat will never hurt me. Obama has bigger moles to whack.

___________________________________________________________________

Item

Which brings us to the Land of the Ayatollahs. Iran should be a cautionary tale about democracy. Not every election turns out the way you want. As Bush/Gore 2000 illustrated, elections are messy and occasionally contentious. The Iranians will have to figure it out for themselves like we did. Hopefully they will make a better choice.

The only thing we know for sure is that cheerleaders from the conservative right are as unproductive as they are unhelpful. America has no horse in this race. As Viet Nam and Iraq have so tragically illustrated, we are ill-equipped and ultimately disinclined to be the world's policeman. If Iranians want change, they know how to accomplish it. They elected Mahammed Mosaddeq in 1951, deposed the Shah in 1979 and even voted for the moderate (by Iranian standards) for president in 2001. American support for any candidate would be as toxic as a campaign appearance by GWB in 2008. We cannot control the world's elections. Hell, based on 2000 we can barely control our own.

...or is infidelity the only thing everyone in Washington can agree on?

Thank you Jesus for sending us the law firm of Sanford, Vetter, Spitzer, Edwards, Clinton, Ensign and Craig. Among these mid-life, middle-aged horn toads there has been more nookie than at a Marilyn Chambers film festival. These guys have done more for the motel industry that the entire federal highway system. Makes you wish you had the cialis concession at the Republican National Convention. To be fair, government sleaze has been delightfully distributed across party lines. Clearly, both Republicans and Democrats take their pants off one leg at a time. Apparently the ability to think with body parts other than your brain is not limited to either the blue or the red. It is, however, more fun to lampoon the Republicans because they are so damn sanctimonious and close to God.

As everyone knows by now, the latest inductee into the Hall of the Shameless is South Carolina's Republican Governor Mark Sanford. Sanford's case reads like the OJ chase without the Bronco. Having disappeared for four days (sort of a junket for his junk) the Governor emerged yesterday at a press conference clearly staged by Danielle Steele. Spilling enough tears to short-circuit the microphones, Sanford rambled and sobbed for forty minutes about everything from his high school excursions to the Appalachian Trail to the "sparking" of his South American paramour. The Andy Hardy language about "sparking" and "God's law" was more reminiscent of young love in a Chevy convertible than an international boinking with an Argentine firecracker. Sanford apologized so often and to so many people, he almost didn't get around to what he had done.

In a move unusual for these sincerity-fests, Governor Sanford actually took questions. In a move not so unusual, he didn't actually answer any of them.

Example: Question "Governor, are you separated from your wife?"


Answer "I--I don't know how you want to define that. I mean, I'm here. She's there."


Makes you think of Bill Clinton's famous attempt to parse the definition of "is". Happily, it looked as though Mark Sanford put as much thought into this press conference as he did into the consequences of shtupping the girl from Ipanema. The performance was so pathetic that the people standing around and behind him were laughing. It appeared that he just walked into the State House, set up a podium and began speaking. The tour groups found him way more interesting than the statuary.

As of today Sanford in still the governor but, as allegations regarding who paid for the plane rides to paradise emerge, expect to see "Press Conference II, The 'I Quit' Moment". Hopefully, he will spare us the "I'm leaving to spend more time with my family" refrain.

Meanwhile, the ranks of Presidential hopefuls on the Republican side is thinning faster than Oprah at the farmer's market. It's probably redundant to suggest that contenders are dropping like flies in that dropping flies appear to be the problem. At this rate, only someone as old as Grandpa McCain will be above suspicion. Among those whose shoes have thus far not been found under the wrong Beautyrest are:
Newt Gingrich. Although caught cheating on his wife and attempting to serve her divorce papers while she was recovering from cancer treatments, he hasn't been disgraced recently.

Tom Pawlenty. Pawlenty is the current governor of Minnesota and, so far as we know, isn't currently doing the horizontal merengue with Carman Maranda. Were I head of the GNC, I would have Pawlenty neutered immediately.

Charlie Crist. Charlie is currently campaigning for the Senate from Florida but rumors abound that Crist hits for the other team and we don't mean the Democrats. Any thought that the Republicans could nominate a homosexual for President is enough to make the statue of Ronald Reagan in the Capitol leap directly into the Potomac.

2012 is still a long way off and a weasel like Eric Cantor might yet emerge. And don't forget the Disaster from Alaska. Sarah may be a buffoon but who knows? Perhaps if someone advises her to actually read the speeches she gives or, act as if her audience had finished the fourth grade, better times await. Unfortunately, with Governor Palin's knowledge of geography, she might actually believe that the Appalachian Trail cuts through Buenos Aires.

...or is killing a dog worse than killing a person?

The facts go like this:

Michael Vick was an all-everything quarterback at Virginia Tech who, after college in 2001, went on to fame and fortune with the Atlanta Falcons of the NFL. Tragically, the fortune is gone and the fame became infamy.

In August, 2007 Michael Vick entered into a plea agreement with the federal court in Richmond ,VA. In the agreement he pled guilty to financing an enterprise known as the Bad Newz Kennels which was a trainer and promoter of fighting dogs. He also admitted to participating in dog fights (presumably not as a combatant) and sharing in the proceeds of the dog fights. He was aware of dogs being killed for poor performance (a concept the NFL briefly considered but rejected) but he claims he never killed a dog himself.

Judge Henry Hudson, apparently unimpressed with Vick's expressions of contrition, sentenced him to 23 months in a federal prison. The fact that Vick failed a drug test while on probation can't have helped.

Vick has served most of his sentence. Although there is no parole system for federal prisoners, Vick has been granted home confinement for the last few months of his incarceration. Aside from the radio sports talk mavens discussing whether he will be allowed to play football and for whom, interest in the Michael Vick story has waned. Aside from the made-for-TV movie that is certainly in rewrite as we speak, the sad tale of great talent wasted isn't getting much ink.



Now we have the case of Dante Stallworth. Stallworth is an eight-year pro football player out of Tennessee. He currently plies his trade of wide receiver with the Cleveland Browns. Although no Michael Vick, Stallworth is a good, not great, pass catcher. On the morning of March 14, Stallworth was headed for the beach in Miami. On the way, he struck and killed one Mario Reyes who was crossing the busy MacArthur Causeway trying to catch a bus. Stallworth was over the legal limit both in speed and alcohol. (50 in a 40 on speed; .12 in a .08 state on booze). Stallworth stopped immediately and submitted to a blood alcohol test. He was ultimately charged with DUI and second-degree manslaughter. He received a sentence of 30 days (actually knocked down to 24 days) and has been suspended indefinitely by the NFL.



In mitigation, it should be noted that Stallworth has never been in trouble...aside from a short stay in the NFL's substance abuse program. He acted responsibly at the scene (well, after he killed a guy) and the victim was out in the middle of traffic. Stallworth has made a "financial arrangement" with the Reyes family which at least avoids a wrongful death lawsuit.



The ponderable issue for today is: was Michael Vick's sentence too severe considering there was no loss of human life or, was Dante Stallworth's too lenient? (No animals were harmed in the manslaughter of Mr. Reyes.) It's true that the crimes were committed in separate states and tried before separate judges but comparison is inevitable. Both men are public figures. Both are African American from modest backgrounds. As star football players with big contracts, both are new to affluence. (Stallworth was driving a Bentley the morning of the accident.) Were they treated differently because of their celebrity?

In Michael Vick's case, his notoriety killed him. Any public figure seen torturing animals can expect few friends in the courts or the press. Even OJ's jury would have marched Vick to the gallows. His four co-defendants can serve their time and slink off into obscurity. Michael Vick's punishment is ongoing.

Stallworth will suffer none of the stigma that dogs (sorry!) Michael Vick. It says something about who we are that animals, (actually only domestic animals) hold a higher place in our emotional hierarchy than people. Even the most soulless of people can love a dog. It's just strange. If Michael Vick were guilty of cock-fighting he'd have done 30 days suspended. If Mario Reyes had been walking his chihuahua that morning in March, Dante Stallworth would be picking out curtains for the cell he would be occupying for the next year or two. The moral of the tale is unclear. However, if you're driving down the street and you've had a cocktail or two, if a choice arises, point the car at the creature with the fewest number of legs.

...or is America acting as though the only thing we have to fear is ...everything?

Item

OMG!

Ahmed Ghailani is in America. Hide the children! Lock up the women! Buy yourself a gun! No, two guns!

Who, might you ask, is Ahmed Ghailani? Is he Lex Luthor come to life? Perhaps the reincarnation of Vlad Dracul? Hannibal Lector in the flesh? To hear the timid John Boehner of Ohio tell it, Ghailani is swine flu and Y2K all stuffed into an orange jumpsuit.

Actually, Ahmed Ghailani is a terrorist suspect who has been transferred from Guantanamo to New York to stand trial for allegedly participating in the 1998 embassy bombings in Kenya and Tanzania. He stands accused of 286 counts (that's a lot of counts) of whatever you do to get charged 286 times. I'm guessing one count for each person killed or wounded in the explosions. To my knowledge, he was not transported in a straight jacket and a tricked-out hockey mask.

To watch some senators and congressmen quake, you would think that Mr. Ghailani planned each detail of the attacks personally as well as those of the U.S.S. Cole, the bombing of the Marine barracks in Lebanon in 1983 and the explosion of the U.S.S. Maine in San Juan Harbor in 1898. These fearless leaders are terrified that America's Judicial machinery and the U.S.Prison Systems will not be up to the task of incarcerating this guy. Apparently our lawmakers think that the jail cells that held John Gotti, Charlie Manson, Manuel Noriega and Phil Spector are not up to the superhuman powers of a 35 year old Tanzanian forger. Our brave congresspersons have apparently forgotten that four other terrorists, previously convicted in the same bombing are currently serving lengthy sentences in our inadequate prison in Florence,Colorado.


At what point did we become such a timid country? The mere suggestion that detainees from Guantanamo might be tried and released in America (an eventuality which has been suggested by no one with a job in government) sends our citizens running for cover. And exactly what would happen if Mr. Ghailani were to be freed on Main Street U.S.A.? Do we imagine that he would get a job bagging groceries at Giant, buy a gun and quietly plan for the overthrow of America? We already have plenty of home-grown nuts engaged in that pursuit. Perhaps he would buy a house in suburbia and infiltrate the PTA.


Holy gonads, people! We fought World War II. I'm guessing we are strong enough to put a few prisoners on trial. Just be careful who you elect to the presidency of your home town swim club. He might be an alumnus of the University of Guantanamo.



In a related story, another country, apparently one with more spine than we have, has volunteered to take several of the Guantanamo prisoners off our hands. But who? What country has the fortifications to handle these criminals? Is there a nation with the force of will to face down an enemy that has America quaking in its Doc Martins?



Yes, it's that well known fortress of solitude... Bermuda. The government in Hamilton has agreed to take four Chinese Uighurs who had been held without charge or trial by the Bush government for seven years. Bermuda joins the growing list of brave countries such as Albania and Palau that have agreed to take responsibility for America's mess. We should be so proud. We appear to the world as standing on a chair shrieking while middle eastern mice run under our feet. It's not hard to fathom why Kim Jong Il and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad aren't impressed with our threats. Maybe we should enlist the army of Palau?

___________________________________________________________________



Item

...and now for something completely different.

Chastity Bono, daughter of the late Sonny and Cher, (We suspect that Cher is actually dead. She just refuses to lie down.) has decided to undergo "gender reassignment". And we all thought Sonny was the nutty one! Mr. Bono the younger (the transmigration has already begun) will be called Chaz.

Although Mr. Bono has declined interviews (probably 'til his voice modulates) people close to his people assume that the decision was brought about by Chaz's inability to appreciate his mother's singing as long as he was a woman. One source suggested that "as a woman Chastity couldn't understand why anyone would pay to hear her mother sing. Apparently, the only way to enjoy Cher's voice is to become a gay man." Chastity was prepared to undergo gender reassignment ("what the hell I'm gay anyway!") in order to understand what others are experiencing. "Gay men hear something that I don't", said Mr./Ms. Bono. Chaz has decided that, even if after the procedure, Cher still sounds like an adenoidal aardvark the experience will still be beneficial. "I already like show tunes but I never got Judy Garland. Maybe owning gonads will help."

Insiders were unsure as to whether this surgery is more or less radical than some of the things that medical science has done to her mother. One thing is clear, the daughter Cher already has will become the son she always wanted. Who says there are no happy endings in Hollywood?

...or is being conflicted about abotion a reason to do something or a reason to do nothing?

Abortion in America is the ultimate hot button issue. If you are opposed to continued legalization you can, with some justification, claim the moral high ground. In your world, abortion is murder, its practitioners, murderers. The issue is black and white. Forget incest and rape. Every fetus is a person. You would like to see all clinics closed and, short of the shooting in Wichita last week, almost any action that achieves that end is justified.

For the other side, those who support the right to choose, the issue is less about morals than civil rights. The state has no right to decide what a woman can do with her own body. Within the vague but universally accepted boundaries of trimesters, women should be allowed to chose whether to carry their fetus to term. Using words like "viable" and even "baby" put the focus on the pregnancy rather than on the pregnant. Pro choice advocates would rather frame the argument as one involving emancipation. Women should be allowed to make any medical decision that directly affects them. That right of self-governance should not be infringed upon by any state law involving counseling, notification of parents or waiting periods.

As with most weighty issues in this country, the majority of us have opinions that fall somewhere in the middle. No one likes the idea of abortion. Euphemisms not withstanding, most Americans would be just as happy if the entire practice became unnecessary. If every pregnancy was a blessing and every child a gift the world would be a better place. Sadly, this is not the universe in which we live. The reason that many abortion opponents are silent is because many people are uncomfortable making decisions for others. Abortion isn't legal because it's popular. It's legal because many of us would rather leave the choices to the people involved.

Nevertheless, the shameful, unhelpful, irresponsible rabble-rousing taking place in the media needs to be addressed and seriously curtailed. For a huckster like Bill O'Reilly to deny any responsibility for the shooting death of Dr. George Tiller is tantamount to a bartender escaping blame for over-serving a customer who then kills with a car. Let's have no feigned shock and surprise that, having filled the airways with half-truths and invectives like Tiller the Killer, some misguided loser might think he was serving the greater good. Words have consequences. No one wants to censor Bill O'Reilly and his ilk but when your snide, smirky editorials result in a murder (and in a church, no less) decency demands that you own up to your role in the deed.

O'Reilly's portrayal of women having abortions as casual killers who would be inconvenienced by childbirth because it interfered with a hair appointment, is the worst kind of uninformed insincerity. Bill O'Reilly has less insight into the heart of a woman with an unwanted pregnancy than he has for a Zulu tribesman in Africa. His insensitivity is fueled entirely by a grab for ratings. Controversy is king. Moral outrage allows for hyperbole. His audience would view any hint of compassion as liberal backsliding. After all, we're red blooded American Christians. Who wants to listen to Oprah in white face?

Abortion is not a simple issue. It defies bumper-sticker sloganeering. The old saying was that a Republican was a Democrat with a job. Well, a Liberal is just a Conservative facing an unwanted pregnancy. Words like empathy and compassion may not play well on Fox News but they should be an integral part of the lexicon of any person who aspires to elective office. As for anyone with a microphone and an audience, go gently into that good night. Free speech is guaranteed in America but so is the pursuit of happiness. Go easy on people whose problems you were not invited to solve.

...or is stupidity showing itself to be recession-proof?

Item



Everybody's favorite rock-star reverend, Father Alberto Cutie, (nice name!) has decided to sow the seeds of faith in a different garden (No, not that garden!). The popular talk show host (he's not much in the Northeast but I hear he's big down under) has decided that when it comes to priestly vows: poverty is OK, obedience is fine, chastity...not so much. Having been photographed canoodling with his girlfriend on a beach, the Pastor of Disaster has moved his retail operation to a different spot on the Ecclesiastical Mall. Father Cutie will now ply his trade from an Episcopal pulpit. Episcopalians, it seams, are not as "religious" about loving your neighbor.

As for the Catholics, they have adopted a practical attitude., Secretly, they're just happy that Father Cutie's indiscretion didn't involve a little boy or a farm animal.
____________________________________________________________________

Item

Continuing in the same pew...it seems that Mel Gibson has discovered that the shoes of the fisherman can sometimes be a mite tight. Gibson, who hails from a long line of Catholic scolds, is demanding that the parishioners of his Church, Holy Family Chapel (no irony there) not judge him or question his morals. Apparently having produced and directed the cinematic bloodbath known as the Passion of the Christ, Mel feels entitled to a "get out of your marriage free" card. Catholics prohibit divorce and they take an even dimmer view of knocking up your new girlfriend.

Considering the gazzilion dollar settlement that Gibson's ex is expecting from the courts, Mel may wish to consider beginning preproduction for "Passion of the Christ II, The Resurrection".
___________________________________________________________________

Item

It's just possible that Viagra is actually named for a small town in Italy. If so, the village is most certainly the ancestral home of Silvio Berlusconi, current prime minister of Italy. Signor Berlusconi has had his picture in the news a great deal lately. He may not be easy to spot however, because the photos are also peopled with a gaggle of topless 18 year-olds. Apparently where marriage, fidelity and dirty old men are concerned, even Italians have limits. Who knew?Whatever rules of amore exist in Italy, Berlusconi has broken one.

Naturally, the source of the prurient details of Silvio's trysts is his soon-to-be-ex-wife. The Prime Minister laments that his wife is just trying to justify her long time affair with her bodyguard. Ah, love!

The bigger question is how can a country be dumb enough to elect a guy who can't keep his fly closed and who preys on women young enough to be his daughter? Oh, yeah! Sorry, Mr. Clinton.
__________________________________________________________________

Item

What do Arkansas, Indiana, Virginia and Nevada have in common? They are the four states that currently prohibit drivers from smiling for their license photos. Apparently smiling complicates the use of facial recognition software for criminal apprehension. It remains curious that, having spent unending hours at the mercy of the Department of Motor Vehicles, anyone would find anything to smile about.

The state of Wyoming has decided a change in the law was unnecessary. They will merely ask for compliance or, in the case of the former vice president...beg.
____________________________________________________________________

Item

Those crackerjack security personnel at The State Department have exposed yet another traitor to our country. The swift arrest of Walter Kendall Myers and his wife Gwendolyn proves yet again that our government watchdogs never sleep. The nefarious Mr. Myers who is 72 and his Mada Harri wife, 71, were captured after an espionage career of only...30 years. After three decades of smuggling secrets to Cuba, the State Dept finally pounced. What exactly were the Feds waiting for? The guy is retired, for Pete sake. The only thing he could furnish to his Cuban handlers now were early-bird menus from Denny's.

Myers had a longer career smuggling secrets than most people have careers. Wasn't anyone alerted when the Myers retirement party featured a Mariachi band and the gifts included a box of good cigars with no card?



Mr. Myers joins an expanding list of home-grown traitors who have made an impressive career of selling secrets to our enemies...and our friends. Robert Hanssen of the FBI sold secrets to the Soviets for 20 years before he was caught. Aldrich Ames, although a relative novice at nine years, held one of the most sensitive possible jobs at CIA. At one point Ames was in charge of the task force assigned to identify leaks. Who knew that being a secret agent came with a retirement plan?
____________________________________________________________________