...or do a lot of stories slip past you during the holidays?

Things you might have missed lately:

Former senator and vice-presidential candidate John Edwards of North Carolina has declared that he will make another run for the Presidency in 2008. Wonderful. The field of Democrats running for President including, Tom Vilsack of Iowa, Dennis Kucinich of Krypton, plus the undeclared trio of Kerry, Clinton, and Obama, have made this race more crowded than the men's room at Giant Stadium during half-time. (At least in the men's room everyone has a plan.)
Seriously, when Dennis Kucinich looks at himself in the mirror in the morning, does a President looks back?

It wouldn't surprise me if William Jefferson of Louisiana declared himself a candidate, especially now that the Justice Department has unfrozen his assets.

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The Somalian army has captured Mogadishu.

Wait...hold on a second! Isn't Mogadishu in Somalia? Does this mean that the Somalian army has captured its own capital? Can I get a Risk ruling here? Is this even legal?
In a never-ending effort to confuse Westerners, the countries of eastern Africa are at it again. On a continent where national boundaries are drawn with an Etch-A-Sketch and country names change with the frequency of Brittany Spears' hair color, the events of the last week shouldn't surprise anyone.
If you haven't been following this story too closely, do not fret. The entire picture will change in a week anyway.

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The FDA has declared that cloned foods are safe to eat.

Where stands the Christian Right on cloning sheep? Probably right behind the idea. (OK, that was cheap.)
Considering the green onion scare at Taco Bell and the spinach murders due to E. coli, it's nice to know that there is at least one type of food that doesn't require a skull and crossbones on the label. The government is suggesting that Americans import all there food from theislandofdoctormoreau.com. Works for me.
The whole concept of cloning is a little scary. I'm less afraid of producing cloned Joseph Stalins than I am of creating one more Kevin Federline.

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Mike Tyson has been arrested again.

Shocking!
The former heavyweight rape champion and all around screw-up was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence and cocaine possession. Those of you who took the "over" on whether Tyson would reach 40 years old, congratulations. I would have bet against it myself.
As punishment for his many and varied transgressions, Tyson should be required to tour America's high schools as a lesson on what can happen when you have talent, money and no brains.

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As of midnight on New Year's Eve smoking is no longer permitted in Washington D.C. restaurants and bars.
The ancestral home of the smoke-filled room will officially suspend the practice starting in January. That's a shame. I had hoped for a return to the concept of fifteen or twenty old pols gathering in one room to name candidates who might actually be electable. Having suffered through a primary system that has delivered Mike Dukakis, Bob Dole and George W. Bush, even a dartboard would be an improvement.

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Saddam Hussein is no more. The Iraqi government and the Iraqi courts have learned much from their American handlers.

America has traveled half-way around the world to depose and execute a tyrant. The administration and even the "liberal media" has tried to paint this as a good thing. Sorry to have to tell you this America, but everything the French say about you is true. You have been made to look like a bunch of arrogant cowboys.
The U.S. had the opportunity to do the right thing here. We had the chance to retake the moral high ground. Instead we determined to prove to the world that we can be just as brutal and savage as those we replaced.
No one, including me, is shedding a tear over the extermination of Saddam Hussein but we should feel some anger that our leadership has made us look so small and vengeful on the world stage. Thanks George and a Happy New Year to you ,too.

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Monica Lewinsky has received a Masters from the London School of Economics.

Ms. Lewinsky, now 34, probably discovered that London wasn't near far enough away to outrun her reputation. Perhaps Jupiter.
In today's Washington Post, Richard Cohen makes the case for allowing Monica to move past the events of 1995-1999. I agree. All of the jokes have been done and it's time to move on. As Mr. Cohen observed, most of us have been lucky enough not to have the stupid and dangerous escapades of our youth plastered across the front page of every paper from here to Madagascar. Let he among you who is without sin...
Isitjustme wishes only the best for Ms. Lewinsky in the future. However, a word of caution. Next time, don't tell anyone and for God's sake, don't keep the dress.

...did Gerald Ford do pretty good for a guy elected President by the third district of Michigan?

Isitjustme is not in the business of speaking ill of the recently departed. There are plenty of living people around to speak ill of. However President Ford always struck me as a guy who never expected to be President and therefore wasn't quite sure what to do next. Delightfully, he seems to have gotten it right most of the time. If he had managed to win a second term, (having not won a first term), I'll bet he would have been a great leader.

With the passing of President Ford, a seemingly decent human being, one is inevitably transported back in time to the days just after Watergate. It was a dark time in America. Decent human beings in Washington were harder to find than a book in Jessica Simpson's house.

Contrary to the published reports of the time, the country was truly united behind a singular issue...we all hated Richard Nixon. Now that man was a uniter. Watching him flash the peace sign as he boarded the helicopter on Aug. 9,1974 was a thrill for everyone. If L. Frank Baum had staged the event, a house would have landed on him.

Gerald Ford took the oath of office with a look on his face not unlike a deer standing on I-95. Having never run for President, he wasn't prepared to be President. His honeymoon lasted about as long as it took him to find the oval office bathroom. He immediately surrounded himself with the best Republican minds of the time. Giants like Dick Cheney, Don Rumsfeld (does this sound familiar?) Jim Baker, and of course Al Haig. All of these geniuses told the new president to let Dick Nixon take his chances with the courts. "If you pardon him," they said, "it will look like a deal was made before he resigned. The country wants his blood. If you let him off the hook, you can never win re-election." Well, he did and he didn't.

Gerald Ford will, hopefully, be remembered as the President who ignored Rumsfeld, Cheney, and the "smart guys" in the White House. He did the right thing and it cost him. Sadly, those same dopes that had all the answers for Jerry were still on hand ten years later to help Ronald Reagan blunder into Iran-Contra and assist George Bush, Sr. with his "no new taxes" speech. Now we have Texas George who, having never had an original thought, is only too willing to listen to the men that have helped torpedo several of his predecessors, including his Dad. Paging Dr. Kissinger!

The new definition of madness in America is to keep taking advice from the same people and expecting a different result.

...or is it absolutely impossible to pick a favorite in the Rosie v Donald scuffle?

I really did try to leave this one alone. Mostly because I have a deep-seated bias against Donald Trump. Trump really does give wealth a bad name. He also makes writers run to their thesaurus for apt descriptions. Words that bubble to the surface include: churlish, obnoxious, pretentious, insufferable, mean-spirited (who thinks "You're fired" is a noble catchphrase?), self-promoting (one suspects that he has "Property of Donald Trump" tattooed on the backsides of his wives) and a general creep. Wow! I feel better.

Mr. Trump has what we call "George W. Bush Syndrome". He was born on third base and thinks he hit a triple. His real estate empire was built by his father Fred, and since then Donald has spent most of his time being Donald Trump. The term "media whore" takes on a whole new meaning with Mr. Trump. He has affixed his name to things like: a line of men's clothing, bottled water, disposable cameras, and a soon-to-be-released vodka. That's aside from Trump Towers, Trump Castle, Trump Magazine, blah, blah, blah.

In addition, Mr. Trump also owns The Miss Universe Organization along with NBC. This "scholarship foundation" owns the rights to the Miss Universe, Miss USA and Miss Teen USA Pagents. Presumably Donald is a participant in this sexist holdover from another time so that he can interview candidates for "Mrs. Donald Trump IV". It is the association with Miss USA that has precipitated his skirmish with Rosie O'Donnell.

It seems that Miss USA (quick, what's her name?) Tara Conner, got a little cocaine and vodka on her tiara (hopefully, it was Trump Vodka). Outed as a party girl she was spotted drinking and cavorting (she turned twenty-one at Christmas) in New York. As a result she was virtually assured of being stripped of her title. Just as she was about to mail her WalMart application back to her Kentucky hometown, Mr. Trump intervened and is allowing her a "second chance". The mind boggles at the thoughts of what inducement Ms. Conner might have employed to persuade Big D to relent.

Enter Rosie O'Donnell, recent addition to the panel on the ABC daytime show "The View". Rosie did a credible imitation of Donald Trump's comb-over as well as brief rant on how Mr. Trump, divorced twice after two affairs, could hardly set himself up as the voice of moral authority in America. It was a little funny but hardly up to the standard that Rosie has set when making us laugh observing her personal life.

In response, Donald reminded us all of how small a big man can be. His tirade against poor Rosie included every childish invective he could think of except the one he needed, "Stick and Stones may break my bones..." The wounded Mr. Trump has even threatened a law suit. Memo to Donald: You are a public figure. You can't sue (successfully) just because someone made fun of you. Your biggest fear should not be the abuse of daytime comics. It should be the possibility that America gets tired of you telling us all how successful you are. Remember, any press is good press, especially when your principle claim to fame is inheriting your father's empire and appearing in MasterCard ads.

But look on the bright side. If you career as an over-inflated air bag goes bust, you can always petition to have a library built on the campus of SMU. It seems that they have a penchant for heroes that succeeded the old fashion way... they let Dad do it.

...is there one in every crowd including the House of Representatives?

There are 435 members of the United States House of Representatives. Most are white. Most are male. Most are just your garden-variety pols; lawyers, former state representatives, attorneys general, school board presidents, whatever. Most want to a good job representing the folks back home. A few are morons, which brings us to the the honorable gentleman from Rocky Mount, Virginia, Virgil H. Goode Jr.

It seems that Mr. Goode wishes to take exception to the fact that another Representative, Keith Ellison, has beliefs different from his own. Rep. Ellison (D-Minn.) has expressed a desire to repeat his induction to the House of Representatives by swearing on the Koran. House members do not swear on any book at the official ceremony; they just raise their right hand.

Mr. Goode has attacked Rep. Ellison's preference for the Muslim holy book and advised his constituents that he disapproves. In addition Mr. Goode has embraced this issue as proof that America and American values are being co-opted by foreigners. His statement demands that we..."stop illegal immigration and reduce legal immigration" lest we be overrun by, "persons from the Middle East".

Well thank God for stand-up guys like Virgil. (Is there a law that if your name is Virgil you must be from the south?) There are only a few problems with Brother Goode's comments. First, Keith Ellison is from Detroit and, unless I missed something in Time magazine recently, Detroit is still in the USA. Second, Mr. Ellison is a Muslim and he was elected with the full knowledge of his constituents. For him to take the oath of office on any other book would be foolish and probably contrary to his beliefs. Would Rep. Goode object if a Jew swore the oath on the Torah?

I suppose that this obnoxious rant could have been worse. Mr. Goode could have accused Rep. Ellison of helping with the attack on 9-11. He might have suggested that, having failed to defeat "them" over there, we must now confront them here. However the most troubling part of this is that the Virginia district that includes UVA, thought that this mope should represent them in Washington. Was David Duke tied up?

There are between 1.5 and 6 million Muslims in the US. (Accurate numbers are difficult to come by because mosques don't take attendance or record membership.) That represents about .5% to 1.5% of the American population. Of this group only about 25% are Arabs. 33% are African-Americans. (Considering how helpful traditional Christianity has been to Black America you can understand the interest in seeking an alternative.) It is therefore unclear as to whether Rep. Goode intends to restrict Arab immigration, Muslim immigration or all immigration. How about we seal the borders, close off the ports and scrape that silly verse off the Statue of Liberty.

Let's face facts. Virgil H. Goode Jr. is an opportunistic bigot. Had he lived in 1906 his targets would have been "Negros and Jews". Unless "Goode" is an American Indian name, one suspects that, at some point, his family were immigrants. Hopefully they were welcomed with more charity than Virge is extending to today's new Americans. Do us all a favor Virgil... don't reproduce. With any luck, your brand of "Americanism" will die with you.

...or is the real news in the back of the paper?

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Newt Gingrich tells Tim Russert on Meet The Press that he "may" run for president in 2008. And you thought George W. was awful? The danger with Newt is that he actually has a brain and can form complex sentences. Quite a change from the current administration. Fortunately for us he's still carrying more baggage than a Miami matron in Europe.
Gingrich is proposing a change to the Constitution to curb freedom of speech in the face of terrorism. Wow! It sure is nice to know that old Newt isn't proposing anything crazy. Mr. Gingrich had better be careful or the next change to the Constitution will involve allowing foreign-born Americans like the California Grope-inator to run for president.

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In yet another burst of uncharacteristic good taste, News Corp has fired Judith Regan. You will remember Ms. Regan as the genius who thought a book and a pair of TV specials featuring OJ Simpson would be a "can't miss" idea. Reports concerning Judith are to the effect that she has the charm of a urinal cake without the pleasant smell. She will be missed in the same way that a cat misses a hair ball.

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The fighting French are pulling their "elite" 200-man special forces unit out of Afghanistan. An additional 1,100 Frenchmen under NATO command will remain in Kabul. It is expected that these soldiers will continue in their role as chefs, mimes, hair dressers and valets. The commander of NATO forces in Afghanistan indicated that this withdrawal leaves the military in a bind. The French were considered to be the "first responders" should the entire force chose to surrender. No replacement has been named but a call has gone out to the Italians.


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In a related story, sort of, the French are all in a dither over the possibility that the Chinese are sneaking truffles onto the market masquerading as French Black Truffles. Mon Dieu! Not that anyone you know would actually eat a truffle but the French have their bloomers in a twist because, "something covered in mud is difficult to identify and therefore easy to counterfeit". In a world full of terrorists, genocide, nuclear threats and global warming, it's comforting to see the French focusing their energy on truly important issues.

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The United States has returned thirty-three men who had been held in the military detention facility in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba to their home countries. This move reduces the head count in Cuba to 395, most of whom have never been charged with a crime. Most were returned to Saudi Arabia and Afghanistan. President George W Bush stated in his weekly press briefing that this was being done as a humanitarian gesture so that the men could "spend Christmas with their families". No one bothered to tell the President that Muslims don't celebrate Christmas.

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Former Secretary of State Colin Powell has finally begun to distance himself from the Administration's failed policy in Iraq. In a statement supporting the conclusions of the Iraq Study Group, Powell stated that the US is losing the war in Iraq and that we should begin withdrawing our troops sooner rather than later. Had Gen. Powell spoken up two years ago, his remarks might have made it past page 20 in the Washington Post. America is eagerly anticipating Powell's new book. Working titles include, "If They Didn't Want My Advice Why Did They Make Me Secretary of State?...Oh, That's Why"

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…or are you as surprised as I am to see enlightenment surfacing in Georgia?

Yes there is an Eastern bias disease in the country and I admit to being infected. However, it is rarely a surprise to find the book burners and speech censors of the Religious Right gaining more traction in the South and Midwest than in the Northeast. No one in New York or Hartford would, for example, seriously suggest that sex education be limited to abstinence. Few people in Connecticut complain if the local high school football game doesn't begin with a lengthy prayer.It’s no accident that the Scopes-Monkey Trial was held in Tennessee and not in New Jersey.

The item that brought this issue to light today was a ruling by the Georgia Board of Education upholding a decision to permit the Harry Potter books to remain on the shelves of school libraries. The decision came as a severe blow to Laura Mallory, who has three children in the Gwinnett Georgia school system (What? no home schooling?). Ms. Mallory is convinced that the J.K. Rowlings novels promote witchcraft. And you all thought the only wizards that prospered in Georgia wore white robes and carried crosses instead of wands!

Come to find out that the Potter books are under attack with fair frequency. Specifically,their suitability as reading material for kids has been called into question on 115 separate occasions since 2000. That's more than the Wizard of Oz. The runaway success of the books and the films is probably the reason.

In a free society of 300 million folks, the ranting of a few kooks should hardly provoke any sort of reaction, except that in some sections of America (there's that bias again) this sort of nonsense actually gets a hearing. My guess is that the bible-pounding citizens of Missouri and Nebraska assume that, because they treat the bible as the literal word of God, children will do the same with Harry Potter. These are the same people who wanted Superman taken off TV because they feared that children would tie a towel around their necks and attempt to fly from the garage roof. (OK. So a few dimwits actually tried but I wasn't seriously hurt.)

Children have a thing called imagination. Most appear to understand the difference between real and make-believe. (Perhaps they could recommend a reading list to Rev. Falwell.) The Road Runner makes children laugh; not attempt to drop a safe on their friends. Sponge Bob presumably is not causing kids to attempt to live at the bottom of the pool. The stupidity of these protests is that the Harry Potter books only use sorcery as a device to tell a magical tale of a young boy coming to grips with who he is. Seemingly the absence of a "deus ex machina" moment offends the God squad who thinks that nothing happens without Divine guidance.

These over-protective parents do more harm than just waste time at the local PTA meeting. They make school boards skittish about introducing new material into the libraries. The books should be chosen for their diversity of ideas, not conform to any one group's idea of what is suitable. Here's an idea: if you don't want your child reading a particular book, be a parent and tell him/her not to read it. If you don't want Suzie to read, "Sally Has Two Mommies" by Mary Cheney, make your feelings known. Just don't march down to the school board and superimpose your prejudices on everyone.

Anyway, hats off to Georgia. First, they took the stars and bars off the state flag (and only 150 years late) and now this. We Northeastern know-it-alls may have to revise our prejudice. Where stands Georgia on evolution and condoms?

or should the clipping service continue?

News in Review Vol III

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Doro Bush Koch, daughter of former president George H.W. Bush and presumably sister to the “Genius of 1600” has released a new memoir titled, “My Father, My President”. So who knew that George W. had anything but a dopey brother? Anyway, we applaud any enterprise that keeps Bush children away from political office. Upon hearing about his sister's account of George 41’s life, the President was heard to comment, “Great. Now maybe I’ll find out what happened in my 20s.

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In an effort to prove that there is a new sheriff in Washington, Sen. Harry Reid, Democrat from Nevada, will lead a 25-person boondoggle to South America for the holidays. Stops for this “fact-finding” mission include La Paz, Bolivia; Quito, Ecuador; and Machu Picchu for New Year's Eve. A private military jet ensures that baggage and airports will not be a problem.
For any of you who thought that perhaps the last election had sent a message to your lawmakers regarding the use of perks, think again. "New boss, same as the old boss."

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On the subject of tone-deaf leadership, the White House, in the person of Clueless George, is said to be completely “altering his approach” to the War in Iraq (four and a half years and 3,000 dead Americans too late). Altering his approach? Talk about rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic! Assuming that the original approach was intended to create 50,000 dead Iraqis, cause civil war in an otherwise stable country, create chaos in the region, and endanger Israel; you would have to say that the approach so far has been a stunning success.
Stay the course, George.

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Members of the family of Billy Graham are feuding over where the popular evangelist, now 88 and ailing, should spend eternity(his body, anyway). Graham’s eldest son, Franklin, is in the process of constructing The Billy Graham Library in Charlotte, N.C. Unencumbered by books (there are none), this facility will function as a ecumenical theme park, equipped with a talking cow that explains Reverend Graham’s roots as a North Carolina dairy farmer. (You can’t make this stuff up.) The star attraction will be the graves of the Reverend and Mrs. Ruth Bell Graham. Sprinkled throughout the barn-shaped structure will be several places for visitors to sign up to spend eternity being pestered for donations. Amen.

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In a related story (sort of), Jay Bakker, son of 80s God-squad icons Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker, has gone into the family business. Reverend Bakker (pastor of the Church of the Perpetually Weird) sports a lip ring, arms full of tatoos, and Harry Carry glasses. He has landed a six episode mini-series on the Sundance Channel where he discusses himself, his Revolution Church, and himself. Jim Bakker, now out of the slammer, is naturally proud of young Jay. Tammy Faye is quite ill so we'll leave the mascara lines for another time.

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Iran officially opened the "International Conference Review of the Holocaust, Global Vision" - (who does their translating, Borat?) The conference, featuring such renowned scholars as David Duke of the Louisiana KKK, will try to determine if any Jews actually died at the hands of the Nazis during World War II. Time permitting, the conference may also cover the following topics: "The World Trade Center, Was it ever Really There?" and "Atlantis. Why is it that no Jews were on the island when it sank?"

...is a clipping service really that useful?

News in review volume II

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Brittany Spears has released a new infommercial video. The film explains the proper way to exit a sports car when you are visiting your gynocologist. Thanks to this demonstrational tape, all of the mystery regarding Ms. Spears C-section has been put to rest. Imagine, a photo that makes Paris Hilton appear lady-like!

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Having determined that Dennis Hastert, former Speaker of the House, ignored all warnings regarding the conduct of Mark Foley and the House pages, the House of Representatives has nonetheless decided against taking any disciplinary action. Dissatisified with the ruling, the Gay & Lesbian Taskforce voted to wheel Rep. Hassert on a hand truck (a la Hannibal Lector) to the front of the Capitol building and beat him repeatedly with a sock full of manure.

Excuse me but this overstuffed creep put politics ahead of the safety of young staffers in Congress. He needs to have his pension docked and be sent back to Illinois with a large "L" branded on his ample butt.

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In case you lost track, Representative William Jefferson of Louisiana has just defeated his closest opponent in a run-off election for the House seat that he has occupied for eight terms. Perhaps you remember Rep. Jefferson as the Congressman who redefined the term cold cash, having been found hiding $90,000 in marked bribe money in his freezer.
Mr. Jefferson hasn't allowed a pending indictment to stand in the way of his reelection bid. Rep. Jefferson is this week's recieptient of the Marion Barry "The Bitch Set Me Up" Award for political chutzpah. Let's also give a cheer to the morons in New Orleans who voted for this thief. Their choice is especially interesting considering that he will soon be a resident of the state of Kansas....Leavenworth, that is. We truly get the government we deserve.

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On the subject of awards, the "Richard Reid, You're Too Stupid to be a Terrorist Award" went to to Derrick Shareef of Rockford, Il. who tried to purchase four hand-grenades, a handgun, and ammunition from a Federal agent in exchange for his stereo speakers. Apparently his original plan involving playing the Red Hot Chilepeppers really loud, wasn't having the distructive effect that he had envisioned. Mr. Shareef can expect to recieve a lengthy sentence at the Neverland Correctional Facility For the Criminally Dumb.

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The local officials in Beijing, China hit upon a novel way to derail the prostitution trade in the Shenzhen region of the city. Having raided the karaoke bars, saunas, and barbershops, they marched the hookers and their johns through the streets. The idea was to shame the girls and their customers into contemplating more acceptable pursuits. Chinese officials admit that this action has little chance of success in the United States. Having seen the Victoria Secret Fashion Show on TV, the Chinese determined that Americans have no shame.

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President George W. Bush met today with the only remaining person in the world who still supports his Iraq policy. Mr. Bush thanked the man, who declined to give his name, for his continued support of a policy that has failed so miserably and completely. The meeting was cut short when the President discovered that, in fact, he no longer supported his own policy and therefore had to leave.

...or have we had enough of sheiks on a plane?

Question. How many imams does it take to screw up an airline?

Answer. Apparently six will do it.

As everyone knows, six muslim holy men were unceremoniously removed from a US Airways flight from Minneapolis to Pheonix last month. Although the accounts vary, it appears that they were:

Praying together before the flight;

Moving themselves around the plane and occuping seats other then those assigned to them;

Requesting seatbelt extenders (without exhibiting the requisite girth).

This activity freeked a female passenger to the point that she passed a note to a flight attendent. The message was presumably along the lines of, "We're all going to die if you let those terrorists fly with us". US Airways called the FBI and the offending Muslims were pulled off the flight. They were apparently furnished with a road map and shown the car rental counter.

What to do? What to do?

Isitjustme (in the person of its author) is a strong supporter of the ACLU. That support arises from a sense that, as in this case, someone needs to represent the imans. I believe that "flying while Muslim" is not a crime. We are a country founded on the principal of religious freedom. Just because a person practices his faith publically doesn't mean that he must take the bus. Would I have voted those six men off the plane? Absolutely.

What's this? A chink in the shining armour? A bigoted Baby Ruth in the swimming pool of civil liberties?

'Fraid so. The people of the United States (including me) can be forgiven for their reluctance to board a plane with six devout members of a religion that has not only publically denounced America, but blown up four aircraft inside this country.

Would we have ejected six praying nuns? How about six saffron-clad Buddhists? Of course not; and for the obvious reason that neither Jesus Christ nor Buddha is being quoted as an excuse for killing Americans.

There is no central voice of moderation in Islam. The religion is extremely decentralized and therefore difficult to get a handle on. However, we do know that four planes were taken in September of 2001 and that 3,000 lives were lost. At no time in the last four-plus years have we heard that Islam is sorry for that attack. No imam with any moral authority has stood up in America, Saudi Arabia, France, or anywhere else and said that the attack on September 11 was a disgrace to Muslims everywhere. All America knows is that this "War on Terror" isn't over and no one is anxious to become the next casualty.

On behalf of my fellow citizens, I'm sorry for the inconvienence suffered by the six men in Minneapolis. The imams are encouraged to contact the ACLU, Tim Robbins, Jesse Jackson, and anyone else that will advance their case. However, if you want to fly in America, lower your profile. Until we invent a device that separates good Muslims from sneaky ones you are going to be subject to additional scrutiny. Deal with it. Airline safty protects you, too.

As for those nuns...I knew a few that would have made great air marshalls. No guns. Just a ruler.