...or is America desperate for some royalty? Any royalty?

As of today, the Governor of New York, David Paterson, is still weighing his options with regard to the soon-to-be-vacant Senate seat of Hillary Rodham Clinton. Unless you have been living in Dick Cheney's undisclosed location, you probably know the leading candidate for the job is Caroline Kennedy-Schlossberg, daughter of the sainted John Fitzgerald Kennedy...the Lord have mercy on his soul. This decision has created an interesting quandary, not just for Governor Paterson but for thinking liberals everywhere. (Yes, Virginia, liberals do think occasionally. The term "knee-jerk" is a major overstatement.) On the one hand Caroline is a bright, educated, well-spoken women who has devoted much of her energies to worthy causes. She attended Columbia Law and has raised three children. Her choice to avoid the spotlight has been just that - a choice. She has not spent the last thirty or so years clipping coupons in Hyannis Port and Palm Beach.

Unfortunately, Caroline's longtime low profile is working against her. Prior to her public support of Barak Obama, Ms. Kennedy-Schlossberg confined her civic activities to educational causes and work with the Kennedy Foundation. Her relatively recent appearance on the national political stage and subsequent role as maybe senator-to-be has the look of a coronation. Have we all been standing around waiting for a new Kennedy to lead us? Critics argue that a pretty face and a star spangled name does not a legislator make. Fortunately for Ms. Kennedy-Schlossberg, many of those critics thought Sarah Palin would be a peachy vice president and George W. Bush would rival Lincoln as a chief executive.

Several facts are clear. It certainly doesn't take a Rhodes scholar to be a Senator. As proof I offer Larry "wide stance" Craig and Ted "the furniture storage man" Stevens. If you can manage to get yourself elected, the job is yours. The key point, however, is "get yourself elected." Being appointed is a different situation.

In Illinois, this decision was easier. The more zeros on the check, the more likely you are to hear "right this way, Senator." Governor Paterson has it tougher. He can't look like he's just making the easy choice. He also can't appear to be pandering to Barak Obama or his henchmen. The appointment can't look like a quid pro quo payoff for Caroline's support in the primaries. What to do? What to do?

The Governor could "go maverick" (don't you hope you never hear that term ever again?) and chose a total unknown. After all, that's what Paterson was before his predecessor, Governor Eliot "Client #9" Spitzer pulled him from the legislature in Albany to be his running mate in 2006. As such, Paterson is certainly no stranger to the concept of being plucked from obscurity. Given his current dilemma, he probably wishes that Spitzer had chosen some other guy.

It's not like Paterson is swimming in options. He could name Andrew Cuomo, New York's current Attorney General, but Cuomo's star power is, like Kennedy-Schlossberg's, derived primarily from his name. (Cuomo could gain valuable support from his current girl friend, Food Channel star Sandra Lee. After all nobody doesn't like Sandra Lee.) Beyond Cuomo and Kennedy-Schlossberg the pickings are a bit sparse. (Chelsea Clinton has thus far expressed no interest in replacing her mother in the Senate.)

Governor Paterson still has a few options. He could use a lifeline and call a friend; my advice would be to contact the Governor of Delaware. Paterson could contact Fred Armison of Saturday Night Live to see which choice will garner the least ridicule. He could call Rahm Emanuel, although I doubt old Rahm is anxious to discuss Senate seats with any governor without benefit of council. Lastly, Paterson could try the old Sarah Palin switcheroo and name himself. At least that way he wouldn't be accused of picking a well known superstar. Paterson is easily the most obscure man in New York.

Happy New Year!

...or is George W. Bush really the hardest working man in show business?

Thoughts at the close of 2008 Volume II


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Yes, I know. George Bush is history...gone...adios. Stop flogging a dead jackass. Well, I'm trying, however, when new tidbits of idiocy continue to crop up every day, it's tough to just let go.

Example: The Bush Administration, in a farewell embrace of the National Rifle Association, has issued a new policy permitting the carrying of loaded, concealed firearms in most national parks and wildlife refuges. (Read that again!) Could someone possibly enlighten me as to what purpose is served by allowing hikers, campers and nature-lovers to stroll the Oyster Bay National Wildlife Refuge packing heat? These aren't hunters we're discussing. Just your average family man communing with nature in the company of his family and his Glock 9mm with 14 in the clip and one in the chamber. So what's next, George? You still have 20 days. How about a law permitting dog fighting in church basements; or lifting the pooper-scooper laws in New York? There's still plenty of time to mangle the economy or befoul the atmosphere. Call your EPA director if you need any ideas.

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Former Attorney General Alberto "Torture? Why Not!" Gonzales is writing a book to clear up the misunderstanding surrounding his tenure as America's Top Cop. One can hardly wait to dive into 355 pages of how the liberal media distorted and misrepresented his good intentions and wise legal counsel. Who could resist the heart-warming story of a poor Catholic child born in Humble, Texas (Yes. That's the town name) and his rise to attend Harvard Law and ultimately to head the Justice Department in 2005? Don't expect to see much about how Al and his boss ran the U.S. Constitution through a blender to justify the incarceration of prisoners in Guantanamo or the systematic torture of detainees at Abu Graib. Other likely omissions will certainly include: The Texas Youth Commission Scandal, the complete ignorance of the Geneva Convention and the attempt to politicize the Justice Department.

Proposed titles for Mr. Gonzales' book include: "Authorized Waterboarding Means Never Having To Say You're Sorry", " It's Only Illegal If I Say So", "I Wanted to Attend Liberty University School of Law. Harvard Was My Safety School" or "If You Think Waterboarding is Torture, Read My Book".

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But if you think Alberto Gonzales' book is funny...

A New Jersey man is accusing a ShopRite supermarket in Greenwich Township of discrimination because the store refused to print a birthday cake with the man's son's name in the icing. The name...Adolph Hitler Campbell. Mr. Heath Campbell of Holland Township has two other children, both girls, named Joycelynn Ayran Nation Campbell, age 2 and (it gets better) Honszlynn Himler Jeannie Campbell, one year old. It's real Americans like Mr. Campbell that make you want to reconsider some of those forced sterilization ideas that were all the rage in Berlin in the 30's. No one asked Mr. Campbell if he'd like to carry a loaded weapon in the park. What's your guess?

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Russian President Dmitry Medvedev signed a law this week extending the term of Russian President from four to six years. WOW! Couldn't see that coming! Rumor has it that the first law enacted by the Russian Parliament in 2009 will permit a Russian President to serve for life, but only if his initials are Vladimir Putin.

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And another organization always ready to provide a chuckle, the Catholic Church made the news in the person of Chilean Cardinal Jorge Medina. Cardinal Medina took issue with Madonna (that would be Alex Rodriguez' Madonna, not the one in all those paintings). The good Cardinal called Madonna's concert "an offense to God" and "incredibly shameful behavior". Gee! And you thought the critics at Rolling Stone were tough?
Interestingly enough, Cardinal Medina made his pronouncement during a Mass for the late dictator Augusto Pinochet who died in 2006. You may remember Pinochet as the brutal dictator responsible for the murder and torture of tens of thousands of Chilean citizens that disagreed with his style of government. Apparently Cardinal Medina, in the spirit of forgive and forget, did not find General Pinochet's actions in 1973 "incredibly shameful behavior". There's just no accounting for taste.

...or is kicking a man when he's down really the only time to do it?

Thoughts at the close of 2008 Volume I:

We would all be delighted to allow George W. Bush to slink off the stage and forever be consigned to the obscurity he so richly deserves. Think Nixon at the helicopter door. Unfortunately, a few remaining Bush apologists who still have access to the media (and who don't have tell-all books headed for publication) are determined to keep Curious George in the papers, if not in the headlines.

Most vocal thus far is Condoleezza Rice. Having been one of the architects of the Bush Doctrine (Don't feel bad, Sarah. I didn't know it had a name either.) Secretary Rice can be forgiven for applying a little grease paint to her foreign policy porker. In several interviews granted last week, she expresses no remorse for the senseless deaths in Iraq. She is confident that history will vindicate both her and her boss. Patriotism may be the last refuge of scoundrels but history is surely the last refuge of bone-headed policy-makers. Secretary Rice has also postulated that, thanks to the efforts of GWB, the Middle East is in much better shape than eight years ago. I suspect the cheering crowds in Jerusalem and Amman are being drowned out by the falling bombs and rockets in Gaza.

The entire eight years of Bush foreign policy can be written in one word: Iraq. History may ultimately see the invasion of a sovereign nation as a bold stroke with glorious results. Sadly, the 4,219 Americans and 50,000 Iraqis killed since 2003 won't be around to read about it.

But Condi is not alone in her praise for the outgoing CIC. Not content to pack up the trailer and return to Texas, Laura Bush has decided to break eight years of silence in defense of her much-maligned hubby. Naturally, the venue of choice was Fox News. Mrs. Bush arrived with the usual wagon-load of excuses as to why her husband is held in the same high regard as O.J. Simpson and Rod Blagojevich. She blames, who else? The media.

It was the news coverage of Katrina that made Clueless George look a buffoon, not the complete ineptitude of FEMA. After all only 1,800 people died in the storm and it's aftermath, not the 10,000 originally reported. It was those liberal reporters and photographers that kept showing all that human suffering rather than focusing on John McCain's birthday party...like the Commander in Chief did. Laura, sweetheart, stop talking! We liked you much better when we thought you were a cardboard cutout.

And last and least is Karl "with enough money and dirty tricks I could get a pound of headcheese elected president...and did" Rove. Thanks to his weekly gig in The Wall Street Journal, Rove continues to justify and excuse the bag of hammers that became Bush 43.

This week Karl was busy praising GWB as an avid reader. According to Rove, George polished off 95 books in 2006 alone. The President's reading list runs mostly to biographies and history. Tragically, a few titles missing from the list include, "Waging War For Dummies", "Chicken Soup For the Families of 4,219 Fallen Americans", and "Everything I Needed To Know To Be President I Learned From Don Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney". I wonder if the list from 2001 included "The Pet Goat".

Rove is the worst kind of apologist. As a modern day Rasputin he stood in the shadows, always careful not to soil his hands. It's unlikely that any subpoena will ever bear his name. Colin Powell will be remembered as the Secretary of State who lied before the entire United Nations. Rumsfeld will be forever blamed for the conduct of the Iraq War. However, none of the Bush failures, and they are legion, will land at the feet of Karl Rove. We can only hope that, without a power base as a threat, Rove's band of trolls will turn on him. There are plenty of publishers out there just itching to print the dirt. The book will be called "If He Did It, The Sequel".

...or does Santa require a warrent to discover who's naughty or nice?

Yes, yes I know it's been a while since the ethernet has crackled with the insights of isitjustme but, after all, if you can't be funnier than the truth, you need to shut up. How is a poor, second rate observer supposed to compete with the details oozing from Springfield, Illinois? This is the first reality TV show that's got any entertainment value. "Survivor, Springfield" "Complete Combover, Home Edition" "Are You Smarter Than the Governor of Illinois?" Were it not for the potential damage to the reputation of the saintly Barak Obama, this farce could go straight to Broadway.



All the characters are present. We have the Governor, Rod Blagojevich; boyish, feisty, and so thoroughly corrupt even Louisiana is holding it's nose. This guy was trolling eBay to make a bid on Rep. William Jefferson's ice box. You would think that, as the replacement for George Ryan (current residence, Federal Correctional Facility, Terre Haute, IN) Governor Rod would be a little more cautious about his conversations. The good news for the feds is that they didn't have to re-bug the Governors Mansion. The devices were already in place.



Few Americans were shocked at the news that another politician was discovered trying to cash in on his office. What was shocking was the string of four-letter words that Blagojevich used to punctuate his corruption. I mean, really. It was bad enough when Bill Clinton made blow jobs dining room conversation but we now have children asking their parents "What does it mean when something is f**king golden?" We have clearly reached a new low in government when the biggest news story of the day is rated NC-17.



Our cast also includes the Midwest's own Lady Macbeth, Patty Blagojevich. Her evil influence is everywhere, including the pages of the 76-page federal criminal complaint. Among her contributions was the suggestion that she would be qualified to fill the Obama senate seat due to her experience in real estate. That experience included a $700,000 payday courtesy of the now famous Tony Rezko. (Rezko currently resides at the Chicago Metropolitan Correctional Center.) Mrs. Blagojevich has the charm of the Wicked Witch of the West without the good looks. She can be heard quite clearly on the wiretaps, kibitzing about how to squeeze the privates of reluctant co-conspirators.



Rounding out the cast of villains is the Defense Attorney, Ed Gensen. Cursed with a client whose sympathy quotient approximates Dick Cheney, Mr. Gensen will attempt to create more smoke than a California wild fire. He contends that the wire taps are illegal, the case has no foundation and, that just talking about selling senate seats as though they were Bears' tickets isn't against the law. Gensen's problem will be to determine whether to fight the impeachment process boiling in the Illinois legislature or, attack the criminal prosecution. Considering the impressive success of the prosecutor, Patrick Fitzgerald, Mr. Gensen's best course of action would be to take a plea in return for a cell with a view of a corn field.



Face it. Illinois politics is the best.

...or is GWB the poster boy for the twenty second amendment?

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If ever there were a reason to limit a President to two terms, George W. Bush is that reason. In case you missed it, Bush 43 is gutting the Endangered Species Act by eliminating the requirement that scientists at two federal agencies review the effects that federal projects have on imperiled plants and animals. Specifically, climate change cannot be a factor for consideration when approving any federal project. Perfect! The parting shot from the most cynical, uncaring, and dismally failed presidency in history, will be to help rid the planet of endangered plants and wild life. Jesus, George! Why don't you just pardon a few of the felons in your own administration and be done with it?

Didn't the White House get the message when the entire Republican party ran screaming away from their titular head? Didn't you notice that book publishers who wouldn't pay five cents for your life story were sending six million to the Governor of Alaska? Ouch! I guess when you're already a pariah it hardly matters what harm you inflict on the way out.

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And on the subject of "The Life and Times of Sarah Palin", could someone please tell me what would compel anyone with an IQ over two digits to put aside "Pride and Prejudice" or "Cold Mountain" to dive into the life of Madam Up-do?

In general, autobiographies of living celebrities have always left me wondering. I mean, whose story is so compelling that it's worth 300 or so pages? Nelson Mandela maybe. Or Katherine Graham. Julius Henry "Groucho" Marx's was the best. Possibly even John McCain, but he's 73 and spent several years in the almost-future-presidential suite at the Hanoi Holiday Inn. Most autobiographies are filled with "why I'm so misunderstood" and "how I overcame adversity to become the person you all love and admire". Boring! Anyone who buys a book supposedly written by Sarah Palin should be denied the right to vote...forever. (Unless the book comes with a $50 gift certificate from Neiman's.)

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Back to George.

President six-guns has just signed an executive order approving the execution of the first soldier
killed by the federal government since 1961. Pvt. Ronald Gray stands convicted of multiple offenses including two murders so we won't be holding any prayer vigils for this creep any time soon. The issue isn't whether Pvt. Gray has worn out his welcome here on earth. George W. Bush has left a trail of corpses from Austin to Washington to Baghdad. He has gotten 4,100 U.S. soldiers and marines killed, suborned the execution of Saddam Hussein and is responsible for every death at Guantanamo. The Bush government has adopted a cavalier attitude regarding the taking of human life that makes a mockery of his stand on abortion. In the world according to George Bush, you're a lot safer as a fetus than a soldier or a Muslim.

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And just in case you thought we missed it, our friends in the Roman Catholic Church are at it again. The Reverend Jay Scott Newman of Columbia, South Carolina (no surprise there) has decreed that Catholics who voted for Barak Obama should not receive communion at the risk of imperiling their immortal souls. In that President-elect Obama (I love writing that) is a supporter of a woman's right to chose, anyone sinful enough to vote for him is in league with the devil.

Oddly enough, no such dire pronouncement was issued to Fatrher Jay's parishioners at St. Mary's in Greenville if they voted for John McCain, who is a proponent of capital punishment. Pope Benedict XVI has condemned state-sponsored executions as nothing more than legalized murder. So why the double standard? Ask Father Newman. He has apparently discerned a pecking order for what killings Catholics can condone and which ones are forbidden. Why was Father Newman silent when his senators and congressmen voted to send soldiers to kill Muslims in an unprovoked war in Iraq?

Still, you have to admire the power of a priest who can look into the hearts of his parishioners and determine who has sinned. My understanding is that such vision is above his pay grade.

...or is the sun shining a little brighter this morning?

WOW!

This was a big deal. I mean, you expect the Democrats to carry the coasts. You assume that most of New England is blue. But North Carolina? Indiana? Iowa? 46% in Georgia? 45% in South Carolina? Even in McCain's own state, Omaba managed 45%. Democrats are dancing through these numbers barefoot. (Black Americans are probably waiting for the news that some mistake was made and McCain actually won. They won't believe the results even if they get to watch the inauguration from the podium.)

John McCain is a nice man but you can't swim very far with an anvil under each arm. George W. Bush and Sarah Palin stood in contrast to every positive argument that McCain attempted to make. How do you persuade America that you are something different when you look like more of the same? How can you make the case as a sound decision-maker when your decision-making process produces Simple Sarah? (Jesus, have we had enough of her? You can keep the clothes honey, just go home.)

It's interesting that a Presidential election should be so much about vice presidents. If Dick Cheney hadn't been running the country for the last eight years, McCain might have been able to use GWB for something besides a political leper. If John McCain had used something beside a dart board to pick a running mate, he wouldn't have looked so stupid telling everyone how experienced Sarah was. (Hint to future presidential hopefuls: if you have to apologize for your VP choice, you made the wrong choice.) Any positive effect that McCain might have received from choosing a woman was instantly negated by the fact that Sarah Palin was on the wrong side of every woman's issue. McCain might as well have chosen Clarence Thomas hoping for a few black votes.


The Republicans do have a few bright spots in this otherwise dismal picture. They never have to hear about Joe the friggin plumber ever again. They will be able to use a smaller room in the Senate for caucuses. They can bid a fond farewell to both the Bush and Dole families. Mostly, they can stop being embarrassed at the colossal ineptitude of Sarah Palin. Explaining this woman to America was like explaining to your new girlfriend why your crazy uncle Charlie keeps trying to take his pants off over his head at Thanksgiving dinner.

Meanwhile back at the White House, as Democrats, we are sensitive souls and might therefore be tempted to shed a tear for poor lonesome George. Hell, even his movie is a stinker. There he sits on the curb in front of 1600 watching the Obama bandwagon roll past. Well, before you mail that sympathy card to the White House, remember the 4,190 American service men and women that didn't get to vote because George W. Bush sent them to die in a needless war. Remember Donald Rumsfeld who sent insufficiently prepared and insufficiently provisioned troops into Iraq with an unwarranted arrogance and a contempt for any counsel save his own. Remember the Justice Department that was purged of justice by Alberto Gonzales. Remember Gail Norton's systematic attempt to shred every environmental safeguard while at the Department of the Interior. Remember a President who for six of his eight years had both houses of Congress under his party's control and accomplished exactly nothing....unless you count a shattered foreign policy and a crippled economy. George, you can't be gone soon enough. It's a wonder that Canada hasn't annexed America out of sheer pity.

But that was yesterday. Today the birds are singing, all the stoplights are green and even rice cakes taste like fillet. The country has made a bold if scary move away from a dark time. We have come out of hiding. Personally, I haven't felt this good about my country in a long time. I will, however send that sympathy card to the White House. Not to the current resident however, but to the cleaning crew. They still have to figure out a way to get the sulfur smell out of Karl Rove's old office.

...or is the Bush administration trying to sweep the Chutzpah Awards for 2008?

Things that were going on while you were watching the Obama miracle:

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No longer interested in governing America from the Book of Scripture, President GW Bush is now running things according to the Book of Orwell. In a decision bordering on the comic, the U.S. Justice Dept. (aka Dept. of Irony) has prosecuted a fellow named Charles "Charlie" Taylor, Jr. on a charge of participating in torture.

About time, you say. The fiends that waterboarded suspected terrorists in Syria and Saudi Arabia should be made to answer for their crimes. Well, not so fast boys and girls. Mr. Taylor isn't being prosecuted for using thumb screws on Muslims. He is being called to account for crimes against the citizenry of Liberia while his father Charles Taylor Sr. was the dictator in residence. Taylor Jr. is a U.S. citizen and, amazingly enough, there is a law that allows the U.S. to prosecute Americans who torture people in other countries. (Dick Cheney might wish to consider retiring to that "undisclosed location" that he cowered in during 9-11.)

Naturally, America is on the side of the angels here. No one will rush to the defense of this creep. Between 1997 and 2003, Taylors pere and fils killed and tortured thousands of helpless citizens. In a part of the world famous for insane governmental behavior, the Taylor family makes the all star team. Nevertheless, the trial of Charles Taylor Jr. in the United States has the patina of stone-tossing in a house of glass.

The Bush Administration has used the Rendition Program as a smoke screen to torture suspected evil-doers in countries from Egypt to Indonesia. We can assume that "torture with a really good reason" will be the defense of choice in America should we decide to apply the law to senior associates of the CIA and NSA. However, as they say during those waterboarding sessions, don't hold your breath.



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President George W. Bush is apparently not satisfied with approval ratings in the teens. During his last few days in office (73 and counting) he seems determined to achieve the unachievable...single digit status. By the time he gets to Christmas, even the GPS device in his car will indicate that the country is headed in the wrong direction.


Our CinC is attempting to enact a wide array of federal regulations aimed at weakening consumer and environmental protection. The new laws would make it easier to overfish the oceans, pollute the atmosphere, increase the toxins in drinking water and blow the tops off mountains. This is the guy who supposedly had seen the light on global warning. The White House, in the person of Tony Fratto, calls the proposals "well reasoned". Sure! Assuming that your reason is to rape the environment and ensure that America continued its role as the Great Polluter. The country would be much better off if, like his predecessors, GWB just pardoned a few crooks and looted a few towels from the Oval Office toilet.



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And speaking of toilets...
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But the news isn't all bad for our departing President (Did I mention 73 days and counting?). Voters in San Francisco on Tuesday overwhelmingly defeated an effort to rename the local sewage treatment plant after Mr. Bush. Apparently even the citizens of the Peoples Republic of San Francisco were put off by the ad featuring a photo of the President and the slogan "Let's help put the number one guy on the number two building". Now that's poetry.



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Honorable mention for the Chutzpah award:


An aide to New York Governor David Patterson is blaming a $300,000 unpaid tax bill (his, not the Gov's) on a rare medical condition called late-filing syndrome. Apparently the patient, one Charles O'Byrne, is psychologically incapable of filling his tax returns on the 15th of April. And you thought "the dog ate my tax return" was weak. I am certain that the Internal Revenue Service will give this ailment all the consideration it deserves. Hint to Mr. O'Byrne: when you present your file from the Mayo Clinic attesting to your disease, attach a check for $300,000 just to be safe.



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And lest we forget, two MENSA candidates were arrested in Tennessee and charged with plotting to kill a bunch of black people including President-elect Barak Obama. The police were appaerntly put wise because the car they were driving was painted with swastikas. These sterling citizens, Paul Schlesselman of Arkansas and Daniel Cowart of Tennessee (why are these guys never from Boston or Milwaukee?) are being held without bond in a Memphis dungeon. They have pled not guilty to the conspiracy charges. If there's any justice in the world, these two geniuses will be sentenced to a lifetime of watching PBS and reruns of The Cosby Show.

...or am I the only one who thinks change means change, as in, something different?

Major Frank Burns once said that individualism is great as long as we all do it together. The American corollary theory seems to be that change is great as long as everything remains the same.



The candidacy and possible election of Barak Obama has given this country a gander at what change looks like and it's scaring the hell out of them. Naturally, Republican strategists are making the most of that fear. People who can't afford their mortgage payments are being told to worry about the capital gains taxes for multimillionaires. Americans who can't take their kids to a local doctor are worried about Joe the Plumber's ability to buy a fictitious business. Jesus Christ, people; the bank is about to take your house away and you're worried about Barak Obama taking your guns away. Beam me up Scotty. There's no intelligent life on this planet.



Today's Wall Street Journal has an editorial bemoaning the fate of H. Wayne Huizenga who is threatening to sell half of his ownership in the Miami Dolphins Football team because Obama is campaigning to raise his taxes. Well boo friggin hoo! Huizenga is a self-made gazillionaire (he made his money in garbage) who bought his portion of the football team in a fire sale in 1990. He has remade the investment fifty times over. Let's all have a pancake breakfast to raise a little cash for poor old Wayne so he can pay his taxes.



The Journal would have you believe that trickle-down economics is still alive and well. The theory goes that, when Mr. Huizenga and his ilk are allowed to hold onto a little more of their green, they will spend it. That generates income for yacht builders, private jet salesmen, waiters at Le Cirque, high priced hookers and whatever else the super rich spend money on. Sadly, no one asks that waiter if he'd like to have a little health care so he wouldn't live in terror of a family illness. No one consults the jet salesman about whether he would trade a little less sales for a little more security.



The Declaration of Independence discusses "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness". The Constitution mandates that the federal government "promote the general welfare". As a nation, we have ignored these principles. When a politician asks if his audience is better off today than four or eight years ago, he's asking the wrong question. We should be asking if the people of America are happier than they were in years past. Are Montana residents happier because their Second Amendment right to own a machine gun has been upheld? Will Californians be happier if they overturn the gay marriage statute? Are our citizens so thrilled with their circumstances: the cost of college, the price of gas, the fear of street crime, that they would be cowardly enough to vote to continue down the same road? Remember, madness is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.



According to free-market Republicans, Barak Obama wants to lead the American economy along the same path as the dreaded Western European countries. Heaven forefend! In surveys which measure countries having the happiest populations, most Western European countries rank above the U.S. Currently, Denmark is #1. Yes, they have high taxes but they also have free educations and free quality medical care. The people don't moon over the American dream of wealth and fame. They bicycle to jobs, root for their favorite sports teams, raise families and retire at a reasonable age. They get generous vacations (hopefully without carting along a blackberry) and they live longer. Less stress, higher quality of life (and presumably less reality TV). In fairness, we do have lower suicide rates than most of Europe which is surprising because we have so many more guns.



Barak Obama dropped the slogan "change we can believe in" because, frankly, Americans don't believe in change. We want to return to the days of Eisenhower and Ozzie and Harriett. Our Republican VP candidate panders to "real Americans" which is code for old fashioned white people. We sing the praises of "our troops" but fewer and fewer "real Americans" want their kids to sign up. Hell, we think it's charming that half the South is still fighting the Civil War. I'm no prophet and I'm certainly no philosopher but there can't be much difference between looking backward and being backward. Maybe our future isn't destined to be like Europe but maybe it is. After all, Danes die in their beds not in the deserts of Iraq.

...or is Albert Pujols the only Cardinal with any consistency?

The abortion villagers are at the gates again brandishing their torches and pitchforks. They claim to speak for God and are demanding that everyone, and I mean everyone, kneel to their will. I speak of the Catholic Church, in the person of its middle management, which continues to attempt an ecclesiastic coup in the United States. Not content with advising its adherents to respect the life of the unborn, they are bound and determined to alter the American justice and legislative systems to do their bidding. In 2004, Saint Louis archbishop Raymond Burke forbade Sen. John Kerry from taking communion in his domain. It is impossible to know whether this action cost Kerry any votes among Catholics but when the margin of victory in Ohio was 130,000, any issue could be seminal.



Today's effort to control the world comes from Cardinal Edward Egan of New York. The good Cardinal has attacked the Jesuits of Fordham University for their plans to honor Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer. Justice Breyer is to receive the Fordham-Stein Ethics Prize. Cardinal Egan has voiced his objection to this honor on the grounds that Breyer has voted early and often to uphold Roe vs. Wade. Apparently the archdiocese is unimpressed with the hundreds of other decisions that have marked Justice Breyer's fifteen years on the High Court. Hello, Pierre the bridge builder!



Breyer will be the seventh justice to receive the Fordham-Stein award. All were on the "wrong" side of Roe. There have also been three former Attorneys General. None of those awards caused so much as a ripple around St. Patrick's Cathedral. That might be because none of the other recipients were announced before an American Presidential election. Fortunately, the Jesuits have a long and storied history of thumbing their noses at Church authority. You can expect that Cardinal Egan's blustering will receive all the attention it deserves...none.



Having grown up under the sometimes heavy hand of the Roman Catholic Church, I am at a loss to understand why they have chosen the abortion question as the cause celebre and why in the United States. Abortion, in one form or another, is legal in all 27 European Union countries where the number of abortions is much higher. That includes Italy and Ireland where Church influence is systemic and pervasive. Why the U.S.? Perhaps the folks in Rome feel a natural kinship with the neocons of the Republican party. In Europe, religion is almost never a part of the political discourse. Politicians never pander to the God squad. No one cares what you believe. They care how you will govern. What a novel concept!



Strangely, the Church has not been nearly as vocal on other issues it considers sinful. One never hears of popes and bishops railing on about adultery. The last time I checked, the prohibition on adultery was still listed in the Ten Commandments right between killing and stealing.

And what about capital punishment?If state sponsored murder doesn't rate a little papal indignation, what does? No one in the Catholic ecclesiastical hierarchy made a peep when George W. Bush ran for President from one of the most execution-happy states in America. Does war count? No one tried to excommunicate Jack Kennedy for invading Cuba. At least the U.S. government isn't in the abortion business directly. I suspect that if you want to know why the RCC considers one sin more worthy of protest, you'll need to buy a ticket to Rome.



Nevertheless, neither the Republicans nor the Catholics have had any success making abortion part of the presidential election in 2008. It would appear that in the face of an economic meltdown of biblical proportion, the only God America wants to pray to is Henry Paulson. It only took a President of epochal mediocrity to remind the country that leadership and false piety aren't synonymous. In fact, they don't even pray in the same church.

... or do find yourself as cranky as John McCain?

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If you are a political junkie (and until Nov 4th, that's just about everyone) you may find yourself drawn to such places as MSNBC, Fox News or even CNN. As you dissect the most recent poll numbers or ponder the latest blather from Bay Buchanan or Arianna Huffington you may also be exposed to ads from a scuzzy outfit called Associated Tax Relief.



The ads consist mostly of obnoxious people bragging about how, with the help of Associated Tax Relief, they were able to weasel out of their obligation to Uncle Sam. None of these vermin indicate that the tax bills were unjust. They merely sit in their living rooms in their polyester leisure suits and gaudy jewelry and brag about how they avoided their tax burden by settling for pennies on the dollar. One of these underachievers clearly used the tax money for a boob job. You just know that these are the same people who bought a house that was four times what they could afford. Should we really be encouraging people to dance the dance but not pay the piper? The reason that tax policy is such a third rail issue is that most Americans pay their taxes and harbor deep resentment about those who don't.


So, let's quit attacking poor people who might get a tax credit even if they don't pay taxes. Let's focus our anger at the bums using Associated Tax Relief.



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There's an old Monty Python sketch involving a business where, for a fee, a customer can have an argument. Apparently there's a market for such services. A San Diego entrepreneur has opened a store where patrons can express their rage over the economic meltdown or whatever else is producing acid stomachs. For a fee of between $10 and $50 a client can smash plates, cups and various other breakables. The proprietor is thinking of installing life sized dolls of George W. Bush and Dick Cheney. Eye gouging will cost extra.

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Department of "You can't make this stuff up".



*A North Carolina woman is legally changing her name from Jennifer Thornburg to CutoutDissection.com in order to raise awareness of the plight of dead animals used in high school biology classes. Best of luck to her mail man.

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*Melenie Hain, who lost her permit to carry a gun because she brought a weapon to her five year old daughter's soccer game, has had her second amendment rights restored. Judge Robert Eby ruled that a right to carry a gun is a right to carry a gun...anywhere. Should her daughter be assigned as goal keeper, the opposing team would be ill-advised to attempt any goal scoring.

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A Canadian man is attempting to avoid paying child support on the grounds that he was asleep during the conception. His story (and a wonderful story it is) is that he awoke one night to discover that he was having sex with his now, ex-girlfriend.


The crack research team at isitjustme has estimated that, if sleeping during sex was a valid loophole for paying child support, 82% of the fathers in America would be off the hook.

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So exactly what's wrong with Sarah Palin anyway? Why have her poll numbers plummeted like my 401k?Considering that the McCain campaign had about as much energy as a C-SPAN infomercial, you can appreciate the benefit of introducing a little new blood. (Insert McCain transfusion joke here.) Sarah is engaging, perky and charming. Thanks to the Republican Campaign Committee coffers, she is also nicely turned out.

Note to Sarah: lose the red leather jacket, sweetheart. You look like a cougar on a Saturday night in Des Moines.

Sarah's problem is that likability can't be your only qualification for high office. Quirky works well enough in statewide races (think Jesse "the body" Ventura in Minnesota or Jerry Brown in California) but on the national stage we like our officials with a little more gravitas. No one wants to elect Ellen DeGeneres to be President.

This isn't about "experience". History has demonstrated that what you've done isn't always an indication of what you'll do. People, especially politicians, can surprise you. The country has had almost two years to take the measure of Barak Obama. We have seen him in debates, in speeches, and in one-on-one interviews. In all of those forums he appears knowledgeable, intelligent and focused on the future. His bearing has allowed many people to overlook his somewhat brief resume.

Sarah Palin, on the other hand seems two-dimensional, poorly informed (occasionally comically so) and with the stereotypical cluelessness we would expect from a beauty queen from Alaska. Every time she opens her mouth she writes another skit for Tina Fey. In spite of the best efforts of her Republican handlers (her poor baby has more frequent-flyer miles than George W. Bush), Sarah just hasn't produced a personae that's more than the sum of her parts. America wants leadership not cheer-leadership. Governor Palin needs to be put back in the oven for some additional baking...and lose the husband.

...or do you find yourself asking "What would Barry Goldwater do?"

Colin Powell has endorsed Barak Obama for President and America is shocked, shocked to learn that both men are people of color. There can only be one explanation: Powell has abandoned his Republican principles, eschewed his conservative history and tarnished his four stars; all in the name of blackness. To paraphrase Thomas More " It profits a man nothing to give his soul, even for the whole world...but for a liberal?"

Predictably, the Republicans are outraged (Republicans are easily outraged) and, the intimation is that Powell made his decision exclusively and entirely along racial lines. Why not? After all, they all know each other don't they? First Colin Powell then Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton and finally O.J. Simpson. Jesus! For a country that professes to be "the best", we sweat more fear than an Alfred Hitchcock audience.

I have a thought. (Hold the applause, please.) If Colin Powell has chosen Obama for low motives, what about Joe Lieberman? Here's a man who abandoned his party and its policies in order to support John McCain. What lesson are we to take from that? Apparently Lieberman has elected to endorse McCain because they are both old, white-haired white guys. After all, look at them together. They look like a pair of little salt shakers. If it wasn't for McCain's male-patterned baldness, Cindy would have a tough time remembering which of them gets the nitroglycerin pill.

Still, you have to feel sorry for the Republicans. First they were done in by the Catholics in 1960 who went to the polls in record numbers (in Chicago those numbers exceeded the above-ground population) in support of Jack Kennedy. Since that time any effort to court constituencies other than rich white people have fallen on stony ground. Republicans have never understood why their race-baiting, minority bashing, let's keep the poor poor, I've got mine so screw you style of politics hasn't resonated with the black community. The only black people invited to the Republican National Convention were asked to bring their own brooms.

It is difficult to dissect the thought process that drove Colin Powell to endorse Barak Obama, however it is difficult to imagine that race wasn't at least a component. Powell can be forgiven for a lack of purity in his choice. He didn't create "us vs. them". That was white people. For a hundred and fifty years since the Civil War, black people have tried to get a seat at the table. Colin Powell was Secretary of State and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs yet on Meet the Press last Sunday, many Americans only saw a black man siding with one of his own. Sometimes this country can be a very disappointing place.

...or was Forrest Gump right? Stupid is as stupid does.

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A Tennessee man has named his new baby Sarah McCain Palin. The fact that he did this without his wife's blessing is almost irrelevant (although probably not irrelevant to his sex life). Who does this stuff? To attempt to apply logic would be to court madness. Perhaps when the child is a little older, we can introduce her to little Kerry Lieberman down the street.

Well, congratulations to the proud father for continuing the long-held stereotype about people from Tennessee.

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And while we're on the subject of the stereotypical South...
Amid the sturm und drang of the presidential election (under twenty days, thank God!) and the Wall Street meltdown, one item in the news might have escaped your notice. The Supreme Court (you remember them: black robes, no smiles) refused to hear the case of Georgia death row inmate Troy Anthony Davis. Mr. Davis made the news last month when his execution was halted just two hours before the chemical cocktail was to be served. Davis was convicted of killing an off-duty police officer in 1989. Since his conviction, seven of the nine witnesses who testified at his trial have changed their story. Many have told tales of police pressure and coercion. Mr. Davis (be ready for a shock!) is black.

It's unclear what the Supreme Court would consider compelling evidence for a new trial in this case. Maybe they're just too busy to hear arguments. Justice Scalia probably has a book signing in Georgetown and Justice Stevens is busy trying to stay alive until Barak Omaba is sworn in. Whatever the reason for the Court's disinterest, other prominent folks have already spoken up. Pope Benedict XVI, Desmond Tutu and Jimmy Carter have all expressed disdain for the death penalty in general and this case in particular.

Ignoring these liberal bed-wetters, the State of Georgia can't wait to rid the world of this fiend. His guilt or innocence is of no consequence in a state that is determined to send a message. Apparently the message is, " when a cop is killed, you'd better not be the first black male we grab".

The way it's practiced in the South, the death penalty is nothing more than state-sanctioned racism and murder. That power needs to be taken from these crackers and federalized. Texas, Florida, Virginia, Oklahoma and several other states should no longer be permitted to execute Americans for the sole purpose of appearing to be "tough on crime" and courting the votes of blood-thirsty half-wits. The administration of capital punishment in America is a joke but the death row inmates aren't laughing. They're just counting days.

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America's newest pain-in-the-ass comes in the form of the President of Venezuela, Hugo Chavez. If you thought Castro was annoying wait until you get an earful of Hugo. He has rewritten and improved the anti-American playbook with skill and panache. Think Karl Rove with a bad Spanish accent.

Chavez has convinced his followers that an American invasion of their country is imminent. He points to Iraq and suggests that Venezuela is a lot closer. He sites the Bay of Pigs as proof of American aggression. He cozies up to the Cubans and lauds Fidel as the greatest leader the region has seen. In point of fact, Chavez is a lot cagier than Castro. Venezuela is a semi-functioning democracy so Chavez has to get himself elected, at least nominally. Chavez also has a commodity more valuable than Cuban cigars and sugar. He has oil. About 14% of American imported crude comes from Venezuela. Although he needs us as much as we need him, the threat of a shut-off, however unlikely, keeps the U.S. from ignoring the little pest (or making his invasion dream a reality).

In another page from the Cuban manual, Chavez is flirting with everybody's favorite karate master, Vladimir Putin. Arms deals, joint navel maneuvers and numerous sleep-overs are giving our Russian friends a wonderful opportunity to restart the cold war and stick a finger in George W Bush's eye in the bargain.

And so my friends, every time you fill up your SUV and delight in the decline of the price of unleaded regular, remember that there's a grinning Venezuelan asshole holding the other end of your nozzle. Drink up, America.

...or is John McCain cowardly enough to trot out miss cutsey-pants to fight his dirty battles?

So much for the big, brave war hero. So much for the "campaign on the issues". So much for honor, honesty and values. John McCain has shown himself for what he is: a grasping, demagogue who intends to use any lie, half truth or insinuation to obscure the fact that he is wholly unqualified to hold any public office. John McCain, you should be ashamed!


Why all this vitriol? I'm glad you asked. On Saturday at a political rally in Nebraska, Sarah Palin stated that Barak Obama "likes to pal around with terrorists who target their own country". Nice! For those of you for whom this is news, the reference is to Bill Ayers, former radical antiwar activist. Not the War in Iraq, mind you, but the Vietnam War. That's almost forty years ago. Ayers is currently a professor at the University of Chicago. Bill Ayers and his wife Bernardine Dohrn did some bad stuff in the early 1970's including triggering a bomb in the Pentagon and New York City Police Headquarters. They are unrepentant to this day.

The Ayers-Obama connection stems from their work in Chicago on such diabolical projects as anti-poverty programs and education reform. At no time did Obama participate in the bombing of any Chicago public school. Any attempt to smear Barak Obama as a "pal of terrorists" because of his association with Bill Ayers is a low blow worthy of Karl Rove. You can however, understand how desperate McCain is to find any life raft available to rescue his sinking campaign. Short of nominating Hanna Montana as the future Secretary of State, he's run out of cute, clueless women. He has no answers and he's having trouble remembering the questions. Maybe he can learn to wink.

McCain should be extra careful regarding slinging stones considering the glass structure in which he resides. Someone interested in dredging up old indiscretions might travel back to 1985 and stumble over a man named Charles Keating. You can read the details on Wikipedia but the short version is that Mr. Keating spent a lot of time and a lot of money attempting to get bank regulators to ignore the shady dealings going on at his bank, Lincoln Savings. His favorite method of pressure application was buying Senators. One senator from Arizona, whose initials are John McCain, received $112,000 in contributions from Keating and his gang. McCain and his family were also Keating's guests on nine vacations, several to the Bahama resort of Cat Cay. After a thorough investigation by the Senate Ethics Committee, McCain was exonerated although the committee scolded him for poor judgement. Keating received a ten year prison sentence for fraud after his bank collapsed.

What we can take away from these closeted skeletons is the following:

Ayers was never tried or convicted of anything.
Keating got ten years.

Obama was eight when Ayers was bombing buildings.
McCain was right in the middle of Keatings' illegal business.

Ayers has devoted his life to education and helping poor people.
Keating devoted his remaining years to making license plates and appealing his convictions.

Obama's interaction with Ayers was casual and amounts to guilt by association.
McCain, by his own admission, acted improperly. (Yeah, graft and influence-peddling is "improper").

As icing on the cake, McCain's interaction with Charles Keating was a key component to the savings and loan scandal of the early 90's. It was McCain's love of deregulation (coupled with a love of umbrella drinks) that helped trigger the failure of S&L's all over America. You can therefore imagine how McCain, the born-again regulator, wants to explain how he was at the center of not one but two of the worst financial crises to strike America since the Great Depression. It's enough to curdle your pina colada.



The McCain campaign is swirling down the porcelain at an alarming rate. He's in danger of losing states where Obama is practically a write-in. The last time Nebraska abandoned the Republicns there was a Whig on the ticket. McCain's "the surge worked" isn't getting anyone their house back. Sarah Palin's cutsiness isn't putting Americans to work or protecting their 401k's. The Republicans have nothing and they know it. Why else attack with such tenuous associations as Bill Ayers?



Listen to that sound, John. It's six o'clock and their playing taps. It's over.

...or is singing louder a cure for not knowing the words?

For lo these many months, isitjustme has avoided cheap shots, low blows and rabbit punches aimed in the general direction of organized religion. The reason is less about concern for my immortal soul than as a nod toward several friends who take umbrage at my perceived disrespect. Besides, the churches haven't been doing anything funny lately.

Today's screed comes not to bury religion but to question a few of its methods. As the number of my blogs approaches 200 (177 to date, but who's counting?), a new wrinkle is being added. I would like anyone out there who feels compelled, to weigh in on the following issues. I am in earnest. I really don't know how to feel about these religious issues.


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The Catholic Church has released a video on a website called Catholicvote.com. Forgetting that it may be the hokiest, clip-art laden 2.5 minutes ever produced, the thrust of the message is that Catholics should vote for the anti-abortion candidate (Hint. His initials are John McCain). The copy is as subtle as a Rush Limbaugh cigar but that's not the point. If abortion is a moral question, and for Catholics it is, should the church suggest to its members that a Presidential candidate is the correct moral choice? The ad does not threaten eternal perdition for an incorrect decision. It merely implies that Catholics who take their faith seriously, should do the right thing.


The question a two parter: Should Catholics ignore all of the complex issues inherent in the selection of a President and vote solely on the abortion question and, does the Church have the right to suggest such a choice? Discuss among yourselves.

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On a parallel track, many Christian churches across America took a bold step last Sunday when they advised their congregations that John McCain was the moral, Christian choice for President. The move was designed, in part, to challenge the IRS ruling that prohibits religious institutions from participating in politics(or more logically, prevents political organizations from passing themselves off as churches). Violation of this rule can cause the loss of a church's 501(c)(3) status as a non-profit organization. Contributions to such an organization would no longer be tax deductible.

Once again, does the moral imperative trump the civil?

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Finally, in a move bordering on the divinely inspired, a Christian group in Fairfax County, Virginia is protesting the choice of books in the County libraries. Having had no success at torching books that explain homosexuality and evolution, the God Squad has a new trick. They are donating books that present positions contrary to volumes already in the stacks. If you can't burn "Heather Has Two Mommies", you try to position "The Case Against Same Sex Marriage" on the same shelf. These God-guys are shifty.

The Fairfax library has rejected most of the donated volumes as being long on scripture and short on facts and research. Libraries have accreditation rules having mostly to do with positive reviews by recognized journals. The rules apply to donated as well as purchased books.

Once more we have a conundrum: Should unfashionable ideas be banned from library shelves? When controversial issues arise, should not both sides receive an equal hearing? Libraries are large buildings. Couldn't one shelf be devoted to crackpot, loony tune volumes that present, however poorly, the unpopular view?

No one is suggesting, for example, that creationism never be taught. It just should never be taught as a scientific alternative to evolution. Creationism is not science. Nevertheless we don't ban books, including the Bible, which discuss the Divine creation of the universe. It seems that Christians should be entitled to a little shelf space for their narrow-minded bigoted crap. (harsh?) And the crappier the better. Poorly reasoned screeds about gay marriage only serve to further the cause of the really righteous. There must be a Dewey Decimal System designation for "lunatic fringe". We might even house them in a separate building. After all, Heather has two mommies, why not two libraries?

...or did we tune in to a debate last night and catch an episode of Petticoat Junction instead?

If anyone was curious as to whatever happened to Donna Douglas of The Beverly Hillbillies, she has morphed into Sarah Palin. If the Governor of Alaska poured any more honey over last night's debate, moderator Gwen Ifill would have needed an insulin shot.

I don't know what I expected to see last night but I certainly wasn't surprised or shocked. The scorecard might show Joe Biden as the winner by TKO, but Sweet Sarah won a round or two. Biden was clearly out cutsied. He was also out smiled (and he has a great one) and out folksyed. As a beauty contest it was no contest.

The supporters and handlers of John McCain are breathing a little easier this morning. They have a right to be proud. Their tutelage helped create a reasonable facsimile of a silk purse from one of the most egregious sow's ears ever to appear in front of a camera. Sarah Palin is the living example of how to treat ignorance as though it were a virtue. If you can't answer the question you were asked, answer some other question with the platitudes that you memorized. Think Chatty Cathy. Pull the string, you get a response. It's not a non sequitur if you're cute.

I tried this method of response during my college career. Regardless of the question, or even the subject, I would always steer the answer around to some issue with which I was more familiar. I reasoned that because all knowledge is interrelated, any information can answer all questions. Those tasked with evaluating my academic abilities took a somewhat different view. It was their rather narrow approach to learning that kept me as a charter member of the "2.0 and under club".

Regardless of how one presents their arguments, the effectiveness is diminished if the discourse is not responsive to the question. The point of a debate is to field questions on a variety of topics in the vain hope that the audience can judge your ability to hold office. If your only response is the endless regurgitation of talking points, forget the debate and purchase an hour on Fox News.

Well, thank God it's over. Joe didn't eat the scenery and Sarah didn't knock over the podium. Joe was studious (some say boring) and Sarah was as inane as Chrissy on Three's Company. Call me crazy but I like my world leaders with a little gravitas. That "golly gee, oh shucks, you betcha'" bullshit plays well enough in a state where Diet Dr. Pepper appears on the wine list under reds, but here in the lower forty-eight we're a bit less homespun. We appreciate folks from exotic parts of the country, we may even envy their simple world view but we are not crazy enough to elect them to the highest office in the land. The re-enactors at Williamsburg have charm but no one would seriously consider voting for a man who rides a horse to work.

When this is over, Sarah has a great career ahead of her as a mid-day talk show host. She can "ah shucks" her way to fame and fortune. Millions will tune in to see how baby Trig is doing or how Bristol is fairing with her fifth child. She can become America's newest Doris Day. There might even be a place for her cigar store Indian husband (OK that was a little mean). I wish her all the success in the world...as long as it's away from that cute little nuclear button.

...or will everyone watch tonight's VP debate with their fingers in their ears?

Tonight's debate between Sarah Palin and Joe Biden could be the most cringe -producing 90 minutes since Reservoir Dogs. We are about to be treated to a grudge match between Mr. T and Talia Shire. To quote Martin Scorsese, "Where's the antagonist? Where's the drama?"

Regardless of your political flavor preference, there are several facts that are not in dispute:
- Joe Biden has accumulated more foreign policy experience riding the Amtrak Acela than Sarah Palin has managed in ten years as a bureaucrat in Alaska.
-Having managed to look insipid and clueless in her few meager interviews thus far, we will all be amazed if Sarah successfully completes a recitation of the alphabet. There will be bonus points if she can recite the names and ages of her children.

It is impossible to write about Sarah Palin's abysmal knowledge of the world without sliding into a series of snide, sarcastic remarks. Unfortunately, my problem will also be Joe Biden's problem. Being a heavy favorite in any contest carries several disadvantages. He must be gracious at all times. He cannot laugh or snicker at her responses. Running up the score is verboten. He must be deferential without appearing patronizing. Considering Biden's reputation as a bit ham-handed, this will be a chore. Sarah Palin is likable. Attacking her will be tricky. Think panda. If you are in a fight with one, you'd better have a gun but, do you really want to be seen on national television shooting a cuddly panda?

Senator Biden's objective will be to attack the stated policies of John McCain. It's more comfortable to watch the decimation of an old man in absentia than the young woman at the podium. If Biden can establish early on that McCain's direction is wrong then he can be forgiven for shooting the messenger. Biden should answer the questions as asked and stand back. If recent history is any indicator, Governor Palin will launch into the talking point, non sequiturs that have provided Tina Fey with her barely edited SNL material. Biden should appear engaged, attentive, and deferential. All hysterical laughing should be delayed until after the mikes are turned off and the cameras go dark.

By the way, how would you like to be John McCain at 9:00 PM tonight? How's that unorthodox, maverick, outside-the-box management style working out for you? If he thought six years in the Hanoi Hilton was tough on the nerves, just wait until Gwen Ifill asks Governor Palin to explain how she thinks the financial rescue plan will help loosen the credit markets. If his heart survives this debate, I'll consider voting for him myself. It will be like watching your ten year old daughter dance Swan Lake at Lincoln Center with the NY City Ballet. You'd be delirious if she just manages to remain upright.

So everyone will watch tonight's carnage with one finger on the mute button. After all, everybody loved the "...you're no Jack Kennedy" zinger that Lloyd Bentsen hurled at Dan Quayle but if you saw it live it produced a world class wince. No one wants to watch a cow become a steak.

...or is continuing to hold elections on a Tuesday, designed to reduce the turnout?

There must be some practical reason for continuing to hold national elections in the United States on the first Tuesday after the first Monday in November. Unfortunately, I have no earthly idea what it might be. Most holidays and commemorative events have a basis in tradition or law and, moving them would serve no useful purpose.


Christmas, for example, could be moved to April or May; the time of year that more historically approximates the actual birth of Christ. Such a move would, however, play havoc with tradition. Who wants a snow covered Christmas tree in spring? Bing Crosby would have to move his White Christmas to Winnipeg. Thanksgiving could just as easily be celebrated in April, to remember the Pilgrims survival of that cruel first winter in America. Labor Day could be held on April 16th, the day after we file our taxes. Nevertheless, most of our holidays are firmly fixed in our minds and our calendars so that moving them would cause unnecessary angst.


Not so with Election Day. The reasons for holding our elections on a November Tuesday are as out of date as John McCain's ties. Wikipedia tells us that the date was chosen in 1845 during the presidency of James K. Polk.

November was agreed upon because by then, the crops were in and the winter had yet to close the roads. These were good reasons...in 1845. In 2008 it makes about as much sense as transmitting the election results by telegraph.


Tuesday was decided on because: Sunday was out of the question, it being the Sabbath and, Monday voting might include a requirement to travel on Sunday. Apparently the Christian Right had a pretty powerful lobby even in 1945. Anyway, the upshot of all this is that America makes its most vital decision on a day that is inconvenient and wholly arbitrary.


To avoid changing the date of our elections and still attemping to increase voter turnout, various states and the federal government have tried several gimmicks. Some states closed the bars when the polls were open (based presumably on the odd notion that sober people make better decisions). Nine states have made Election Day a holiday including New York and New Jersey. Their choice of Eliot Spitzer and James McGreevey speaks to the wisdom of that idea. Many states permit early voting (up to two weeks prior to November) while in Oregon, all ballots are cast by mail. All of these ideas bypass the central question: why not move Election Day to a weekend? Or why not record all votes by computer online?


The second thought first. I can deposit money in a bank in the U.S. and withdraw it anywhere in the world via the local ATM. I do this without fear that my account will be hacked or that anyone (except the purveyors of the Patriot Act) can access my records. With the technology currently available, the city of London can track and record every car that enters its downtown area for the purpose of collecting city tolls. We should therefore be able to collect, record and protect the millions of ballots cast by the electorate.


The other phase of the change would move Election Day to the weekend. Keeping the "polls" open Saturday and Sunday would allow voters to cast ballots at their leisure. Folks without computers could go to libraries or schools where computers would be made available. All you would need is a social security number and your date of birth. We could even retain the tradition of voting in November because the federal law requires that there be time for the electoral college to assemble. (We'll attack the electoral college some other time.)


The principle impediment to change is the Constitutional provision that, both local and national elections , be administered by the states. Trying to force all fifty states to change their systems (even those as quaint as Florida) is a mountain no one wants to climb. Sadly, if we continue to conduct elections in 2008 by the rules laid down in 1845, we are doomed to spend Nov 5th reading story after story about low voter turnout and polling places rife with fraud and incompetence. Citizens arise! Throw off your chains! You have nothing to lose but your shackles...and a free day off in New Jersey.

...or are TV debates just as boring as hell?

I'm stumped! I couldn't tell you who won the debate last night and I have a dog in the fight. It would be swell to write multiple paragraphs that proudly proclaimed Barak Obama the winner, having trounced the geezer McCain. Alas, it is not to be! Both men acquitted themselves admirably. Like the first round of a heavyweight fight, the contestants danced around for ninety minutes looking for openings. Nothing developed. The overriding objective appeared to be not to make a mistake. Given McCain's record as a public speaker, it was nothing short of amazing that he didn't fall over the ropes at least once. There were no watch-checking, rape-baiting moments. McCain is no Ronald Reagan but Obama is no Fritz Mondale.

Senator McCain did learn at least one lesson from the stylings of the Great Communicator. Much as Mr. Reagan loved to repeat phrases such as "Well..." and "there you go again",McCain continued to extol, "what Senator Obama fails to understand is..." I guess that's effective although what Senator McCain fails to understand is the phrase needs to be followed by some fact or even a coherent thought. Continually regurgitating your stump speech talking points doesn't make you look like a leader. It looks like you are phoning it in. That stuff is OK for Sarah, because she is an empty dress, but McCain needs to be more expansive. After all, the race is close but he's still behind. If the debates against Obama result in a draw, McCain loses. At least no bones were broken.

I'm not exactly sure what the American people expect to see at these debates. NASCAR fans are looking for a car wreck. People with medical bills and no healthcare are looking for some indication that their issues will be addressed (point to Obama). The rest of us are just rooting for our guy and hoping that the opposition gets a pie in the kisser. If we feel the need to take something away from the debate (aside from the sadness of missing the usual smorgasbord of network reality shows), consider that Barak Obama has acquitted himself as polished, professional, sincere, knowledgeable and he has a way better smile. Face it, McCain really is more of the same. Maybe there was a winner after all.

...or or is the McCain campaign being run by R.P McMurphy?

Johnnie, we hardly knew ya.

Exactly who is running the McCain campaign? The Tasmanian Devil? Andy Dick? At least I now know why Cindy McCain accompanies the candidate everywhere. At first I thought she was doubling as his nurse. Now I can see that she's there to ensure that the candidate's head doesn't spin off into space. The entire affair gives new meaning to the Chinese Fire Drill.

It's not as though The Senator from Arizona was trailing by double digits. Considering that he's been forced to wear George 43 like an albatross, he isn't doing badly. Even as the Sanjaya Moment that was Sarah Palin is fading into oblivion, old John is still holding his own. (Insert your own cheap joke here!) Why then does every move that the Republican ticket makes appear so desperate? "I'm flying back to Washington to fix the financial crisis." Was he planning to use a plane? No offense Senator, but you've done enough. I'd sooner turn Yoko Ono loose on a rewrite of the National Anthem.

John McCain and his merry band of deregulators (Phil Gramm et al) have been at the forefront of the very financial policies that gave rise to the current crisis. Are we now to hand them a scapel and let them attempt to surgically remove the cancer they created? Why not call in Franklin Raines and Jack Abramoff? Let's see if any of the Keating Five are available... aside from John McCain, of course.

As to the willingness to debate; I'm slow to question the courage of any man especially someone with McCain's resume but, people change and the timidity shown by the McCain camp is a far cry from his stand as a fighter.

...or is saying something over and over enough to make it true?

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I am the reincarnation of Edward R. Morrow .

I am the reincarnation of Edward R. Morrow.

I am the reincarnation of Edward R. Morrow.

How am I doing so far? I didn't think so. So how come it appears to be working for the Republicans?

Sarah Palin continuously repeats the story that she rejected the bridge project intended to span the Tongass Narrows. (You know it as the bridge to nowhere.) John "if I were President" McCain wants to fire the chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission even though Christopher Cox, current chairman, is not a Presidential appointee. McCain, a lifelong defender of deregulation, now rails at a financial system without rules. As long as you stay away from newsmen who are likely to research the record and call you out as a liar, you can just make stuff up as you go along. You know you're in the funhouse when the most difficult questions you field come from comedienne Joy Behar on The View.

This style of prevarication became popular when the current administration began peddling the Iraq War. "Iraq caused 9-11." "Iraq is building nukes." "We will be treated as liberators." and the ever popular "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED." Can you imagine the surprise and delight when the gang in the White House discovered that Goebbels was right; you can feed a gullible population limitless amounts of crap provided you say it often enough and you are perceived to be in authority? America wants to believe that its leaders are sincere. Tragically, that naivete is being perverted by the people in power to further their own agenda. Stay asleep America. Your President is on the job.

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And on the subject of Clueless George, exactly how much did Secretary of the Treasury Henry Paulson explain to his Commander in Chief about the financial bailout currently working its way toward Congress? Do you suspect that he used small words and spoke very slowly? We know that George has an MBA from Yale but I suspect he used it as a coaster at his last kegger during graduation. Still he did appoint Mr. Paulson to his post at Treasury reinforcing the notion that even blind squirrels find nuts periodically. Based on the events of last week we can only conclude that George has, in fact, left the building...and only seven years too late.

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If you can secure a copy of last Sunday's New York Times, check out the story about the retirement benefits paid to employees of the Long Island Railroad. It seems that 94% , that's right 94%, of retired workers have applied for and received disability benefits. Their work contract permits railroad workers to retire as early as 50 years old and almost all of them immediately apply for disability. The ruling body that approves these claims, the Railroad Retirement Board, virtually always grants the request. And we're not just talking about guys who maintain the track or drive trains. The payments also go to office staff including the former deputy general counsel (must be carpal tunnel) and the director of community affairs (sore throat from all that talking). The labyrinthine system of sweetheart union contracts and Byzantine work rules governing America's rail system insures that anything is possible. Railroad officials state that most of the disabled workers were able bodied prior to applying for early retirement. No kidding?

In response to the mountain of evidence of fraud and maleficence, L.I.R.R. president, Helena Williams said, "The railroad's on-time record has never been better." In fairness, this is not Ms. Williams' fault. Many of the absurd work rules that govern life on the rails have their origins in the 19th century. Until 1990, a railroad crew was paid for a full day's work after traveling only 100 miles; the distance a steam locomotive could travel in a day. In 1990 it was raised ...to 108 miles. Firemen/stokers were required, by law,to ride in the cab of diesel trains until the 1990's. Welcome to Hooterville.

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Since when did candidates for President and Vice President get permission to campaign without a tie? People, we are not running for president of the Yacht club or the Moose lodge. This is a serious job. The least you could do is dress up for the interview. I understand that it's hot out there on the campaign trail. I get that you are trying to appeal to the "regular guy". That doesn't mean that you get to stand on the podium dressed for dinner at "the club". A candidate for President should not be attired more casually than the junior class at Cardinal Hayes High School.

This is just the most obvious example of our would-be leaders attempting to appeal to the lowest common denominator. Time was when a serious candidate was required to face a grilling on Face The Nation and Meet The Press. Bill Clinton appeared on The Tonight Show. I expect that Sarah Palin's next attempt to establish credibility will be a guest shot on "Survivor, Wasilla". When did this happen? When did America decide that we could only be led by "average" people? Was FDR average? Was Nixon? Kennedy? OK, Lincoln might have appeared average, but that's not what got him elected.

Ask yourself (especially if you are a Sarah Palin groupie), could you be President? Could your spouse? How about your town mayor? Then why, in the name of God, would you apply the "she's just like us" litmus test to a candidate for the highest office in the land? "Elite" is a compliment. "Bright, eloquent, polished" are things to be admired, not derided. I have an idea, let's vote for someone who's "smarter than a fifth grader". In the long run, we will spend a lot less time answering the question, "What were you thinking?"

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Hasidic Jews in Brooklyn have demanded that the city close two bicycle paths in their Crown Heights neighborhood. Apparently the ultraconservative sect objects to the paucity of clothing worn/ not worn by the female cyclists. I concur. There should be a law that, the more skin you have, the less you can show.

Considering all of the issues that divide the Jews and the Muslims, it's comforting to see that the two groups share one belief...scantily clad women are the tool of Satan. Rumor has it that both the Jews and Muslims have banded together in a rare show of solidarity to demand that the Walt Disney company buy Donald Duck a pair of pants.

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And under the heading, "you can't make this stuff up", a mixed-breed male dog named Scooby made legal history by testifying at the murder trial of a man accused of hanging his master. The dog barked furiously when he saw the suspect. Upon cross examination, the defense lawyer argued that considering that the crime took place two and a half years ago (17 dog years), the dog's memory must be ruled unreliable. Oh, did I mention that the case was tried in France? Mon Dieu! Do you imagine that the pooch was sworn in by putting his right paw on a copy of Lassie, Come Home? What must the trial transcript look like? "Will the court reporter please read back the last response? Woof,woof, woof arf, arf, woof. I'll stop now."

...or has the American political process been perverted by American Idol?

If you're expecting to see the Vice Presidential debate moderated by Simon Cowell, you're not alone. While no one was looking, our system of choosing a President has morphed into a perversion of reality television.



The irony here is palatable. Millions more citizens voted for Clay Aiken and Reuben Stoddard then voted for Bush/Cheney so it's clear that selecting a pretty face is more interesting to Mr. & Mrs. Nebraska than choosing the leader of the free world. (Sadly, Misters Aiken and Stoddard have displayed more talent than Bush/Cheney ever have.) We have gone from electing the guy you want to have a beer with to mooning over Miss Congeniality. Considering that Middle America has responded to sizzle over steak, form over substance and flash over facts, we should hardly be surprised. The nomination of Sarah Palin is the quintessential case of misdirection. We are through the looking glass. Knowledge clearly doesn't matter. How straight your teeth are is clearly of more consequence than if you've ever read a paper or watched a news program. Charlie Gibson may as well have asked Ms. Palin to comment on whether Jennifer Aniston will ever find true love.





I really don't get it. We are prepared to allow a dim bulb like Sarah Palin say absolutely anything for no other reason than her proclivity for breeding. After six years and six months of needless war, how does any politician have the gall to trot out the tired and discredited lie that we are "fighting the people that attacked us"? Even the lame-brain in the White House (124 days and counting) has stopped trying to sell that bit of tripe to the American people. Is it possible that we let Sarah Palin get away with spouting ancient untruths simple because she doesn't know any better? The country likes her and is empathetic because most of them are as clueless as she is. You wonder if perhaps much of the America believes that Saddam Hussein really did engineer 9/11 and the New York Times is just inventing contrary stories to discredit George Bush. Sarah knows the truth. After all, she can see Russia from her bedroom window.





The impression you get is that, because Barak Obama is short on executive experience, it became OK to nominate someone that is all ideology and no smarts. It is difficult to believe that John McCain would be so reckless as to risk the country he professes to love by entrusting it to a person that suggested attacking Russia as a foreign policy option. Even Ronald Reagan knew better than that. A Presidency of McCain-Palin may actually cause the world's leaders to look back longingly to the tranquil days of Bush-Cheney.





McCain doesn't get a pass for this. This isn't just politics as usual. It stands as the most startling example of what this old fogey is prepared to do to get elected. Someone needs to ask Grandpa McCain if he wants to live in a country run by Sarah Palin. He could always ask the Vietnamese if his old accommodations at the HH are still available.



Anyway, the next time we see Sarah it will be in an interview conducted by Sean Hannity. Perfect! Why not just let Karl Rove conduct it? True, Obama was on with Keith Olberman but he also appeared with Bill O'Reilly.



Let's see what sort of tough questions the folks at Fox News have written. "Governor Palin. With all the laundry you do with five kids and a working husband, which detergent works best?" "What brand of ammunition is best for dropping a moose?" How about, "Governor, it's reported that there are more crystal meth labs in Wasilla than televisions. Care to comment?" "Well, Sean, when I became mayor of Wasilla the science department in the local high school was just dreadful. Under my direction, each student now has a thorough grounding in chemistry. Those labs are just an unfortunate byproduct. I should point out that those little lab rats handle the chemicals with extreme care. We teach safety first".



This interview has the potential to be among the most bias, pandering, ass-kissing bits of journalism ever witnessed. Fox makes not the slightest pretext of being impartial. They will give Sarah every opportunity to recant, undo and explain all the gaffs from the Charlie Gibson mess of last week. Not for anything but, if you're not qualified to sit through an interview by a reasonably affable newsman, how are you qualified to be Vice President of the VFW let alone the Vice President of the United States? Even the contestants on American Idol have some talent...and they don't get a free pass from Simon either.

...or is America the place where particle colliders wear suits and ties.?

In the peaceful pastures of Meyrin, Switzerland, the world's largest particle accelerator has begun doing whatever particle accelerators do; presumably accelerating particles. Although most of us could never hope to understand why accelerating particles is important/interesting, there are those in the scientific community who are fearful of creating uncontrollable, matter-sucking, world-destroying black holes. If however, science wishes a practical experience in matter-sucking, they need look no further than American presidential politics.

Our version of the run for the White House has degenerated from a thoughtful discussion of the critical issues of the day (that thoughtful discussion lasted about as long as it takes a particle in the accelerator to circumnavigate the 17 mile track... approximately 186,000 miles per second), to a 2008 version of the school-yard taunt "I'm rubber, you're glue". If Republicans laugh at the rock star status of Barak Obama the Dems return serve with derisive remarks about the "all hair, no head" VP choice, Sarah Palin. If the Democrats deride the fact that Ms. Palin's experience consists mostly of learning the fine points of the up-do, the GOP inquires as to how many years Barak Obama was a prisoner of war, not counting Southside Chicago.

It's a standoff. (We'd call it a Mexican standoff but no one, and I mean no one, wants to discuss immigration). The troubling issue in this mess is that something has been tragically lost...namely John McCain. If you think that's an exaggeration, by all means attend a rally...if you can get in. McCain is the warm-up act. He's the local garage band that opens for Madonna. The crowd can't wait for him to finish his boring recitation about how he was right about the surge, and he's a maverick, blah, blah blah. The dirty little secret here is that if McCain stopped showing up at these events, no one would care. Don't take my word for it. Wait and see how many times in the next 54 days you see them appear separately. Everyone wants to see her. McCain couldn't fill a booth at McDonald's if he promised to pay for the burgers.

When deciding whom to chose as a running mate, McCain had to find someone that wouldn't upstage him. That effectively removed Romney, Thompson, Huckabee, Giuliani and just about everyone else in the free world. Face it, a plaster cast of Chester A. Arthur would put McCain in the background. He needed an unknown politician who would excite the faithful (and the Faithful) while not appearing so dynamic that voters weren't rooting for McCain's 73 years to take a toll. Enter Sarah.

Tragically for McCain, Sarah Palin is the worst of both worlds. She has zero experience so she adds nothing to the substance of McCain's message. She is also a new flavor in the vanilla pantheon of presidential politics. Sarah Palin is the new, if untested, quarterback in a game that seemed all but out of reach. She's the reason to go to a Republican event. Until the hated media can dig up some shady doings in Alaska under all that snow, Sarah is the shiniest penny in sight. (If you want to see how the Sarah Palin choice is going over in the McCain household, look at the facial expressions on Cindy McCain at political events. She looks like Eliot Spitzer's wife at "the" press conference.) McCain has taken to wearing sunglasses to cut down the glare from Sarah Palin's smile.

The dirty rotten scoundrels in the press are just beginning to shake off the pixie dust from Sarah's speech at the convention and unravel her blanket of perfection. So far, no one appears to care that: a) she did not oppose the bridge, although she did take the earmark money; b) she did fire the boss of her ex-brother-in-law for not responding to her pressures and, c) she did not sell the Alaska jet that was used for prisoner shipments as well as transportation for the governor on ebay. However, even a women whose primary talent appears to be the ability to get pregnant, cannot escape her past...what little of it there is.

The role of a free press, like it or not, is to vet public officials (God knows, McCain didn't). It was the press, especially the dreaded New York Times, that outed Bill Clinton's shenanigans in Arkansas. It was a newspaper (OK, maybe The National Enquirer isn't a newspaper) that chased John Edwards to ground in a hotel men's room. Richard Nixon was done in by The Washington Post. For the Republicans to demonize the media does a terrible disservice to the country. We deserve to see our candidates questioned by aggressive, prepared journalists. If Sarah Palin can't stand up to a polite but sharp interview by Tom Brokaw, how in the world will she handle Vladimir Putin or Mahmoud Ahmadinejad? They won't care if she is a girl or a mom. Neither should we.

Barak Obama has proved that style can draw a crowd but when the applause dies, you better have something more than a recipe for oatmeal cookies. If you want the people of America to elect you to high office you need more than a nice smile and a good wardrobe. If you've changed more diapers than state policies, we want to know before the election, not after. You may still win but not because you hid from the media. Afer all, we knew that George W. Bush was an applehead and we voted for him anyway. We have 54 days to learn who Sarah Palin is. If John McCain reads the papers, he may find out also.

...or has the John McCain of 2000 returned to us?

John! Where the hell have you been?
Have you ever seen the movie The Natural? Home town boy, full of talent and hope travels aboard a train bound for can't-miss stardom. On the way he encounters a femme fatale who seduces our hero and shoots him. (In the film, she also shoots herself. In real life the current President only shoots himself in the foot...over and over). Anyway, after a long period of convalescence and reflection, the hero reappears, broken but not bowed, and takes center stage for one more glorious swing of the bat. Fireworks! THE END.

The John McCain that walked to the podium on Thursday at the Xcel Energy Center bore a striking resemblance to the pilot of the Straight talk Express of eight years ago. Anyone listening to the speech had to be impressed with the cool, confident upbeat Senator from Arizona. Gone was the right wing rhetoric that has soiled his recent campaign. Gone too was the sucking up to George W. Bush and his so obviously failed administration. McCain was the Republican Nominee for President of The United States and, God-damn-it, he doesn't owe George Bush or Dick Cheney a damn thing.

America saw a John McCain in St. Paul that the evil forces of Republicanism identified in 2000. An off-the-reservation maverick (I'm starting to hate that word) who could never be relied upon to just "go along". George Bush, on the other hand, was a clueless lightweight who could easily be handled by Cheney, Rumsfeld and the other holdovers from his father's crowd. No doubt about it, McCain had to be stopped. They elicited the paunchy Machiavelli, Karl Rove to torpedo McCain. Whether McCain might have made a better American leader never entered into the equation. They laid a trap in South Carolina and, before you could say "illegitimate black baby" GWB was accepting the nomination. Well, that was then and this is now.

During his acceptance speech, McCain took steps to right a few wrongs. He was unafraid to lambaste the direction in which the country is heading (thanks to GWB). He was unafraid to point out that America needed change. (Now where have I heard that before?) I half expected to switch the channel to HBO and find McCain calling Bush an unprincipled asshole. McCain was also unafraid to go head to head with one of the most powerful forces in America today...Thursday Night Football. As in McCain's speech, Washington took a terrible beating.

It's comforting to believe that your leaders are reasoned, intelligent people who have a sense of what is right and, if elected, are prepared to act correctly. Nothing, and I mean nothing about the last eight years would provide any of that comfort. The cynical , politics-is-everything, scorch the earth policies of the Cheney/Bush administration (let's start calling a spade a spade) provided a sad lesson in how not to govern. Not since the paranoid days of Richard Nixon have we seen this level of vitriolic leadership. Even McCain was holding his nose.

If McCain's calculations are correct, he can let Sarah Palin carry the conservative banner in the campaign while John focuses on the moderates. They can sell the reversal of Rowe v. Wade to the Evangelicals (include the Catholics) who clearly don't care about any other issue, while peddling strong leadership and superior experience to people with a little more on the ball. Makes sense to me!

The only situation that might derail this glorious plan is that pesky electorate. Should McCain's message fail to gain traction among the faithful in Ohio, Virginia and Colorado,I expect Honest John to resort to some of the sleazy tactics that surfaced during the summer. Karl Rove may not be on McCain's speed dial but his card is smoldering in the Roledex.

We have two months until the "only poll that matters" is taken. The Obama campaign has shown remarkable restraint in the field of below-the-belt politics. (Let's remember that bloggers who attempt to exploit the pregnancy of Bristol Palin do not represent the candidate.) This is shaping up to be a principled contest, run by two men who truly believe that the American people can decide the outcome on the issues. Let's just hope that the McCain people pay more attention to the Marquis of Queensbury and less to the WWE.

...or is it time to party like it's 2000?

I'm soooo ashamed. I felt compelled to watch a little of the Republican National Convention last night and it was most informative.(Oh please. If Lincoln were alive , he would have been watching the Yankee game on ESPN by 8:45.)


I heard Rudy Giuliani (wearing a nice pants suit and only a little less makeup than Sarah Palin) tell me about the evils of being cosmopolitan. This from a man whose Manhattan apartment holds more people than live in Wasilla, Alaska. He attacked the "left wing media" ( there are people in America who think "left wing media" is one word) as attempting to besmirch Sweet Sarah Palin whose only sin was not wearing gingham and a bonnet to the convention. To be fair, he waited almost fifteen minutes before maneuvering his speech to the subject of 9-/11...a new personal record.

There was also Mitt Romney, another gazillionaire in a $5,000 suit, preaching about working class values and how the cynical left mocks them. I guess he meant me. Romney went on to beat all the usual drums: Democrats will tax your first born, Democrats want to make government bigger (although it's difficult to imagine how they could make government bigger than the current President) Democrats want to invite Islamic terrorists to the Super Bowl. Hell, even I'm becoming fearful of Democrats.

Even the Reverend Huckabee took a few swats at the Obama pinata. I think I changed channels when Huckabee affirmed that Democrats want abortions to be legal up until the child's first communion.

Still I came back for Sarah; or at least some of Sarah. Truth be told, she was good. If she wanted to be any more wholesome, she would have to have had her hair in pigtails and ridden in on the back of a cow. We are nothing if not a polished nation. I'm guessing that someone nixed the suggestion that she breast feed during the speech. (Exactly why is it necessary to have her four-month old at the entire convention? Probably couldn't get a sitter.) I was grateful that Ms. Palin avoided any lengthy discourse on her commander-in-chief experience. I half expected a back shot of her brandishing an AR-15 at the head of the Alaska National Guard, staring down the Russkies from across the Behring Sea. I missed the end, but I'm quite sure that God got at least one mention.



Republicans, as we all know, are the low tax, small government, big defense, keep government out of your life party. So explain how, in election after election, the party of the super rich purports to represent the working class. Incidentally, one supposes that there aren't many black working class Americans if one is to judge by the faces of color in Minneapolis this week. But I digress.

Republicans are nothing if not successful, powerful leaders in all fields of endeavour. In other words, the elite. It is therefore fascinating that, in the vernacular of the GOP, elite is such a dirty word. I'd like to be called elite. (I'd like to be called anything beside asshole!) These guys are rich (except for Sarah Palin). They run the sweatshops in the Philippines; the insurance companies that deny your uninsured surgery; the giant agri-businesses that import slave labor from Mexico and companies like Wal Mart employing thousands of under-insured workers.What, in God's name, would make anyone think they have working class America's interest at heart? These are the exploiters. Run away! Be afraid...be very afraid.