Tuesday, September 30, 2008

...or is continuing to hold elections on a Tuesday, designed to reduce the turnout?

There must be some practical reason for continuing to hold national elections in the United States on the first Tuesday after the first Monday in November. Unfortunately, I have no earthly idea what it might be. Most holidays and commemorative events have a basis in tradition or law and, moving them would serve no useful purpose.


Christmas, for example, could be moved to April or May; the time of year that more historically approximates the actual birth of Christ. Such a move would, however, play havoc with tradition. Who wants a snow covered Christmas tree in spring? Bing Crosby would have to move his White Christmas to Winnipeg. Thanksgiving could just as easily be celebrated in April, to remember the Pilgrims survival of that cruel first winter in America. Labor Day could be held on April 16th, the day after we file our taxes. Nevertheless, most of our holidays are firmly fixed in our minds and our calendars so that moving them would cause unnecessary angst.


Not so with Election Day. The reasons for holding our elections on a November Tuesday are as out of date as John McCain's ties. Wikipedia tells us that the date was chosen in 1845 during the presidency of James K. Polk.

November was agreed upon because by then, the crops were in and the winter had yet to close the roads. These were good reasons...in 1845. In 2008 it makes about as much sense as transmitting the election results by telegraph.


Tuesday was decided on because: Sunday was out of the question, it being the Sabbath and, Monday voting might include a requirement to travel on Sunday. Apparently the Christian Right had a pretty powerful lobby even in 1945. Anyway, the upshot of all this is that America makes its most vital decision on a day that is inconvenient and wholly arbitrary.


To avoid changing the date of our elections and still attemping to increase voter turnout, various states and the federal government have tried several gimmicks. Some states closed the bars when the polls were open (based presumably on the odd notion that sober people make better decisions). Nine states have made Election Day a holiday including New York and New Jersey. Their choice of Eliot Spitzer and James McGreevey speaks to the wisdom of that idea. Many states permit early voting (up to two weeks prior to November) while in Oregon, all ballots are cast by mail. All of these ideas bypass the central question: why not move Election Day to a weekend? Or why not record all votes by computer online?


The second thought first. I can deposit money in a bank in the U.S. and withdraw it anywhere in the world via the local ATM. I do this without fear that my account will be hacked or that anyone (except the purveyors of the Patriot Act) can access my records. With the technology currently available, the city of London can track and record every car that enters its downtown area for the purpose of collecting city tolls. We should therefore be able to collect, record and protect the millions of ballots cast by the electorate.


The other phase of the change would move Election Day to the weekend. Keeping the "polls" open Saturday and Sunday would allow voters to cast ballots at their leisure. Folks without computers could go to libraries or schools where computers would be made available. All you would need is a social security number and your date of birth. We could even retain the tradition of voting in November because the federal law requires that there be time for the electoral college to assemble. (We'll attack the electoral college some other time.)


The principle impediment to change is the Constitutional provision that, both local and national elections , be administered by the states. Trying to force all fifty states to change their systems (even those as quaint as Florida) is a mountain no one wants to climb. Sadly, if we continue to conduct elections in 2008 by the rules laid down in 1845, we are doomed to spend Nov 5th reading story after story about low voter turnout and polling places rife with fraud and incompetence. Citizens arise! Throw off your chains! You have nothing to lose but your shackles...and a free day off in New Jersey.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

...or are TV debates just as boring as hell?

I'm stumped! I couldn't tell you who won the debate last night and I have a dog in the fight. It would be swell to write multiple paragraphs that proudly proclaimed Barak Obama the winner, having trounced the geezer McCain. Alas, it is not to be! Both men acquitted themselves admirably. Like the first round of a heavyweight fight, the contestants danced around for ninety minutes looking for openings. Nothing developed. The overriding objective appeared to be not to make a mistake. Given McCain's record as a public speaker, it was nothing short of amazing that he didn't fall over the ropes at least once. There were no watch-checking, rape-baiting moments. McCain is no Ronald Reagan but Obama is no Fritz Mondale.

Senator McCain did learn at least one lesson from the stylings of the Great Communicator. Much as Mr. Reagan loved to repeat phrases such as "Well..." and "there you go again",McCain continued to extol, "what Senator Obama fails to understand is..." I guess that's effective although what Senator McCain fails to understand is the phrase needs to be followed by some fact or even a coherent thought. Continually regurgitating your stump speech talking points doesn't make you look like a leader. It looks like you are phoning it in. That stuff is OK for Sarah, because she is an empty dress, but McCain needs to be more expansive. After all, the race is close but he's still behind. If the debates against Obama result in a draw, McCain loses. At least no bones were broken.

I'm not exactly sure what the American people expect to see at these debates. NASCAR fans are looking for a car wreck. People with medical bills and no healthcare are looking for some indication that their issues will be addressed (point to Obama). The rest of us are just rooting for our guy and hoping that the opposition gets a pie in the kisser. If we feel the need to take something away from the debate (aside from the sadness of missing the usual smorgasbord of network reality shows), consider that Barak Obama has acquitted himself as polished, professional, sincere, knowledgeable and he has a way better smile. Face it, McCain really is more of the same. Maybe there was a winner after all.

Friday, September 26, 2008

...or or is the McCain campaign being run by R.P McMurphy?

Johnnie, we hardly knew ya.

Exactly who is running the McCain campaign? The Tasmanian Devil? Andy Dick? At least I now know why Cindy McCain accompanies the candidate everywhere. At first I thought she was doubling as his nurse. Now I can see that she's there to ensure that the candidate's head doesn't spin off into space. The entire affair gives new meaning to the Chinese Fire Drill.

It's not as though The Senator from Arizona was trailing by double digits. Considering that he's been forced to wear George 43 like an albatross, he isn't doing badly. Even as the Sanjaya Moment that was Sarah Palin is fading into oblivion, old John is still holding his own. (Insert your own cheap joke here!) Why then does every move that the Republican ticket makes appear so desperate? "I'm flying back to Washington to fix the financial crisis." Was he planning to use a plane? No offense Senator, but you've done enough. I'd sooner turn Yoko Ono loose on a rewrite of the National Anthem.

John McCain and his merry band of deregulators (Phil Gramm et al) have been at the forefront of the very financial policies that gave rise to the current crisis. Are we now to hand them a scapel and let them attempt to surgically remove the cancer they created? Why not call in Franklin Raines and Jack Abramoff? Let's see if any of the Keating Five are available... aside from John McCain, of course.

As to the willingness to debate; I'm slow to question the courage of any man especially someone with McCain's resume but, people change and the timidity shown by the McCain camp is a far cry from his stand as a fighter.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

...or is saying something over and over enough to make it true?

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I am the reincarnation of Edward R. Morrow .

I am the reincarnation of Edward R. Morrow.

I am the reincarnation of Edward R. Morrow.

How am I doing so far? I didn't think so. So how come it appears to be working for the Republicans?

Sarah Palin continuously repeats the story that she rejected the bridge project intended to span the Tongass Narrows. (You know it as the bridge to nowhere.) John "if I were President" McCain wants to fire the chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission even though Christopher Cox, current chairman, is not a Presidential appointee. McCain, a lifelong defender of deregulation, now rails at a financial system without rules. As long as you stay away from newsmen who are likely to research the record and call you out as a liar, you can just make stuff up as you go along. You know you're in the funhouse when the most difficult questions you field come from comedienne Joy Behar on The View.

This style of prevarication became popular when the current administration began peddling the Iraq War. "Iraq caused 9-11." "Iraq is building nukes." "We will be treated as liberators." and the ever popular "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED." Can you imagine the surprise and delight when the gang in the White House discovered that Goebbels was right; you can feed a gullible population limitless amounts of crap provided you say it often enough and you are perceived to be in authority? America wants to believe that its leaders are sincere. Tragically, that naivete is being perverted by the people in power to further their own agenda. Stay asleep America. Your President is on the job.

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And on the subject of Clueless George, exactly how much did Secretary of the Treasury Henry Paulson explain to his Commander in Chief about the financial bailout currently working its way toward Congress? Do you suspect that he used small words and spoke very slowly? We know that George has an MBA from Yale but I suspect he used it as a coaster at his last kegger during graduation. Still he did appoint Mr. Paulson to his post at Treasury reinforcing the notion that even blind squirrels find nuts periodically. Based on the events of last week we can only conclude that George has, in fact, left the building...and only seven years too late.

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If you can secure a copy of last Sunday's New York Times, check out the story about the retirement benefits paid to employees of the Long Island Railroad. It seems that 94% , that's right 94%, of retired workers have applied for and received disability benefits. Their work contract permits railroad workers to retire as early as 50 years old and almost all of them immediately apply for disability. The ruling body that approves these claims, the Railroad Retirement Board, virtually always grants the request. And we're not just talking about guys who maintain the track or drive trains. The payments also go to office staff including the former deputy general counsel (must be carpal tunnel) and the director of community affairs (sore throat from all that talking). The labyrinthine system of sweetheart union contracts and Byzantine work rules governing America's rail system insures that anything is possible. Railroad officials state that most of the disabled workers were able bodied prior to applying for early retirement. No kidding?

In response to the mountain of evidence of fraud and maleficence, L.I.R.R. president, Helena Williams said, "The railroad's on-time record has never been better." In fairness, this is not Ms. Williams' fault. Many of the absurd work rules that govern life on the rails have their origins in the 19th century. Until 1990, a railroad crew was paid for a full day's work after traveling only 100 miles; the distance a steam locomotive could travel in a day. In 1990 it was raised ...to 108 miles. Firemen/stokers were required, by law,to ride in the cab of diesel trains until the 1990's. Welcome to Hooterville.

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Since when did candidates for President and Vice President get permission to campaign without a tie? People, we are not running for president of the Yacht club or the Moose lodge. This is a serious job. The least you could do is dress up for the interview. I understand that it's hot out there on the campaign trail. I get that you are trying to appeal to the "regular guy". That doesn't mean that you get to stand on the podium dressed for dinner at "the club". A candidate for President should not be attired more casually than the junior class at Cardinal Hayes High School.

This is just the most obvious example of our would-be leaders attempting to appeal to the lowest common denominator. Time was when a serious candidate was required to face a grilling on Face The Nation and Meet The Press. Bill Clinton appeared on The Tonight Show. I expect that Sarah Palin's next attempt to establish credibility will be a guest shot on "Survivor, Wasilla". When did this happen? When did America decide that we could only be led by "average" people? Was FDR average? Was Nixon? Kennedy? OK, Lincoln might have appeared average, but that's not what got him elected.

Ask yourself (especially if you are a Sarah Palin groupie), could you be President? Could your spouse? How about your town mayor? Then why, in the name of God, would you apply the "she's just like us" litmus test to a candidate for the highest office in the land? "Elite" is a compliment. "Bright, eloquent, polished" are things to be admired, not derided. I have an idea, let's vote for someone who's "smarter than a fifth grader". In the long run, we will spend a lot less time answering the question, "What were you thinking?"

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Hasidic Jews in Brooklyn have demanded that the city close two bicycle paths in their Crown Heights neighborhood. Apparently the ultraconservative sect objects to the paucity of clothing worn/ not worn by the female cyclists. I concur. There should be a law that, the more skin you have, the less you can show.

Considering all of the issues that divide the Jews and the Muslims, it's comforting to see that the two groups share one belief...scantily clad women are the tool of Satan. Rumor has it that both the Jews and Muslims have banded together in a rare show of solidarity to demand that the Walt Disney company buy Donald Duck a pair of pants.

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And under the heading, "you can't make this stuff up", a mixed-breed male dog named Scooby made legal history by testifying at the murder trial of a man accused of hanging his master. The dog barked furiously when he saw the suspect. Upon cross examination, the defense lawyer argued that considering that the crime took place two and a half years ago (17 dog years), the dog's memory must be ruled unreliable. Oh, did I mention that the case was tried in France? Mon Dieu! Do you imagine that the pooch was sworn in by putting his right paw on a copy of Lassie, Come Home? What must the trial transcript look like? "Will the court reporter please read back the last response? Woof,woof, woof arf, arf, woof. I'll stop now."

Monday, September 15, 2008

...or has the American political process been perverted by American Idol?

If you're expecting to see the Vice Presidential debate moderated by Simon Cowell, you're not alone. While no one was looking, our system of choosing a President has morphed into a perversion of reality television.



The irony here is palatable. Millions more citizens voted for Clay Aiken and Reuben Stoddard then voted for Bush/Cheney so it's clear that selecting a pretty face is more interesting to Mr. & Mrs. Nebraska than choosing the leader of the free world. (Sadly, Misters Aiken and Stoddard have displayed more talent than Bush/Cheney ever have.) We have gone from electing the guy you want to have a beer with to mooning over Miss Congeniality. Considering that Middle America has responded to sizzle over steak, form over substance and flash over facts, we should hardly be surprised. The nomination of Sarah Palin is the quintessential case of misdirection. We are through the looking glass. Knowledge clearly doesn't matter. How straight your teeth are is clearly of more consequence than if you've ever read a paper or watched a news program. Charlie Gibson may as well have asked Ms. Palin to comment on whether Jennifer Aniston will ever find true love.





I really don't get it. We are prepared to allow a dim bulb like Sarah Palin say absolutely anything for no other reason than her proclivity for breeding. After six years and six months of needless war, how does any politician have the gall to trot out the tired and discredited lie that we are "fighting the people that attacked us"? Even the lame-brain in the White House (124 days and counting) has stopped trying to sell that bit of tripe to the American people. Is it possible that we let Sarah Palin get away with spouting ancient untruths simple because she doesn't know any better? The country likes her and is empathetic because most of them are as clueless as she is. You wonder if perhaps much of the America believes that Saddam Hussein really did engineer 9/11 and the New York Times is just inventing contrary stories to discredit George Bush. Sarah knows the truth. After all, she can see Russia from her bedroom window.





The impression you get is that, because Barak Obama is short on executive experience, it became OK to nominate someone that is all ideology and no smarts. It is difficult to believe that John McCain would be so reckless as to risk the country he professes to love by entrusting it to a person that suggested attacking Russia as a foreign policy option. Even Ronald Reagan knew better than that. A Presidency of McCain-Palin may actually cause the world's leaders to look back longingly to the tranquil days of Bush-Cheney.





McCain doesn't get a pass for this. This isn't just politics as usual. It stands as the most startling example of what this old fogey is prepared to do to get elected. Someone needs to ask Grandpa McCain if he wants to live in a country run by Sarah Palin. He could always ask the Vietnamese if his old accommodations at the HH are still available.



Anyway, the next time we see Sarah it will be in an interview conducted by Sean Hannity. Perfect! Why not just let Karl Rove conduct it? True, Obama was on with Keith Olberman but he also appeared with Bill O'Reilly.



Let's see what sort of tough questions the folks at Fox News have written. "Governor Palin. With all the laundry you do with five kids and a working husband, which detergent works best?" "What brand of ammunition is best for dropping a moose?" How about, "Governor, it's reported that there are more crystal meth labs in Wasilla than televisions. Care to comment?" "Well, Sean, when I became mayor of Wasilla the science department in the local high school was just dreadful. Under my direction, each student now has a thorough grounding in chemistry. Those labs are just an unfortunate byproduct. I should point out that those little lab rats handle the chemicals with extreme care. We teach safety first".



This interview has the potential to be among the most bias, pandering, ass-kissing bits of journalism ever witnessed. Fox makes not the slightest pretext of being impartial. They will give Sarah every opportunity to recant, undo and explain all the gaffs from the Charlie Gibson mess of last week. Not for anything but, if you're not qualified to sit through an interview by a reasonably affable newsman, how are you qualified to be Vice President of the VFW let alone the Vice President of the United States? Even the contestants on American Idol have some talent...and they don't get a free pass from Simon either.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

...or is America the place where particle colliders wear suits and ties.?

In the peaceful pastures of Meyrin, Switzerland, the world's largest particle accelerator has begun doing whatever particle accelerators do; presumably accelerating particles. Although most of us could never hope to understand why accelerating particles is important/interesting, there are those in the scientific community who are fearful of creating uncontrollable, matter-sucking, world-destroying black holes. If however, science wishes a practical experience in matter-sucking, they need look no further than American presidential politics.

Our version of the run for the White House has degenerated from a thoughtful discussion of the critical issues of the day (that thoughtful discussion lasted about as long as it takes a particle in the accelerator to circumnavigate the 17 mile track... approximately 186,000 miles per second), to a 2008 version of the school-yard taunt "I'm rubber, you're glue". If Republicans laugh at the rock star status of Barak Obama the Dems return serve with derisive remarks about the "all hair, no head" VP choice, Sarah Palin. If the Democrats deride the fact that Ms. Palin's experience consists mostly of learning the fine points of the up-do, the GOP inquires as to how many years Barak Obama was a prisoner of war, not counting Southside Chicago.

It's a standoff. (We'd call it a Mexican standoff but no one, and I mean no one, wants to discuss immigration). The troubling issue in this mess is that something has been tragically lost...namely John McCain. If you think that's an exaggeration, by all means attend a rally...if you can get in. McCain is the warm-up act. He's the local garage band that opens for Madonna. The crowd can't wait for him to finish his boring recitation about how he was right about the surge, and he's a maverick, blah, blah blah. The dirty little secret here is that if McCain stopped showing up at these events, no one would care. Don't take my word for it. Wait and see how many times in the next 54 days you see them appear separately. Everyone wants to see her. McCain couldn't fill a booth at McDonald's if he promised to pay for the burgers.

When deciding whom to chose as a running mate, McCain had to find someone that wouldn't upstage him. That effectively removed Romney, Thompson, Huckabee, Giuliani and just about everyone else in the free world. Face it, a plaster cast of Chester A. Arthur would put McCain in the background. He needed an unknown politician who would excite the faithful (and the Faithful) while not appearing so dynamic that voters weren't rooting for McCain's 73 years to take a toll. Enter Sarah.

Tragically for McCain, Sarah Palin is the worst of both worlds. She has zero experience so she adds nothing to the substance of McCain's message. She is also a new flavor in the vanilla pantheon of presidential politics. Sarah Palin is the new, if untested, quarterback in a game that seemed all but out of reach. She's the reason to go to a Republican event. Until the hated media can dig up some shady doings in Alaska under all that snow, Sarah is the shiniest penny in sight. (If you want to see how the Sarah Palin choice is going over in the McCain household, look at the facial expressions on Cindy McCain at political events. She looks like Eliot Spitzer's wife at "the" press conference.) McCain has taken to wearing sunglasses to cut down the glare from Sarah Palin's smile.

The dirty rotten scoundrels in the press are just beginning to shake off the pixie dust from Sarah's speech at the convention and unravel her blanket of perfection. So far, no one appears to care that: a) she did not oppose the bridge, although she did take the earmark money; b) she did fire the boss of her ex-brother-in-law for not responding to her pressures and, c) she did not sell the Alaska jet that was used for prisoner shipments as well as transportation for the governor on ebay. However, even a women whose primary talent appears to be the ability to get pregnant, cannot escape her past...what little of it there is.

The role of a free press, like it or not, is to vet public officials (God knows, McCain didn't). It was the press, especially the dreaded New York Times, that outed Bill Clinton's shenanigans in Arkansas. It was a newspaper (OK, maybe The National Enquirer isn't a newspaper) that chased John Edwards to ground in a hotel men's room. Richard Nixon was done in by The Washington Post. For the Republicans to demonize the media does a terrible disservice to the country. We deserve to see our candidates questioned by aggressive, prepared journalists. If Sarah Palin can't stand up to a polite but sharp interview by Tom Brokaw, how in the world will she handle Vladimir Putin or Mahmoud Ahmadinejad? They won't care if she is a girl or a mom. Neither should we.

Barak Obama has proved that style can draw a crowd but when the applause dies, you better have something more than a recipe for oatmeal cookies. If you want the people of America to elect you to high office you need more than a nice smile and a good wardrobe. If you've changed more diapers than state policies, we want to know before the election, not after. You may still win but not because you hid from the media. Afer all, we knew that George W. Bush was an applehead and we voted for him anyway. We have 54 days to learn who Sarah Palin is. If John McCain reads the papers, he may find out also.

Friday, September 05, 2008

...or has the John McCain of 2000 returned to us?

John! Where the hell have you been?
Have you ever seen the movie The Natural? Home town boy, full of talent and hope travels aboard a train bound for can't-miss stardom. On the way he encounters a femme fatale who seduces our hero and shoots him. (In the film, she also shoots herself. In real life the current President only shoots himself in the foot...over and over). Anyway, after a long period of convalescence and reflection, the hero reappears, broken but not bowed, and takes center stage for one more glorious swing of the bat. Fireworks! THE END.

The John McCain that walked to the podium on Thursday at the Xcel Energy Center bore a striking resemblance to the pilot of the Straight talk Express of eight years ago. Anyone listening to the speech had to be impressed with the cool, confident upbeat Senator from Arizona. Gone was the right wing rhetoric that has soiled his recent campaign. Gone too was the sucking up to George W. Bush and his so obviously failed administration. McCain was the Republican Nominee for President of The United States and, God-damn-it, he doesn't owe George Bush or Dick Cheney a damn thing.

America saw a John McCain in St. Paul that the evil forces of Republicanism identified in 2000. An off-the-reservation maverick (I'm starting to hate that word) who could never be relied upon to just "go along". George Bush, on the other hand, was a clueless lightweight who could easily be handled by Cheney, Rumsfeld and the other holdovers from his father's crowd. No doubt about it, McCain had to be stopped. They elicited the paunchy Machiavelli, Karl Rove to torpedo McCain. Whether McCain might have made a better American leader never entered into the equation. They laid a trap in South Carolina and, before you could say "illegitimate black baby" GWB was accepting the nomination. Well, that was then and this is now.

During his acceptance speech, McCain took steps to right a few wrongs. He was unafraid to lambaste the direction in which the country is heading (thanks to GWB). He was unafraid to point out that America needed change. (Now where have I heard that before?) I half expected to switch the channel to HBO and find McCain calling Bush an unprincipled asshole. McCain was also unafraid to go head to head with one of the most powerful forces in America today...Thursday Night Football. As in McCain's speech, Washington took a terrible beating.

It's comforting to believe that your leaders are reasoned, intelligent people who have a sense of what is right and, if elected, are prepared to act correctly. Nothing, and I mean nothing about the last eight years would provide any of that comfort. The cynical , politics-is-everything, scorch the earth policies of the Cheney/Bush administration (let's start calling a spade a spade) provided a sad lesson in how not to govern. Not since the paranoid days of Richard Nixon have we seen this level of vitriolic leadership. Even McCain was holding his nose.

If McCain's calculations are correct, he can let Sarah Palin carry the conservative banner in the campaign while John focuses on the moderates. They can sell the reversal of Rowe v. Wade to the Evangelicals (include the Catholics) who clearly don't care about any other issue, while peddling strong leadership and superior experience to people with a little more on the ball. Makes sense to me!

The only situation that might derail this glorious plan is that pesky electorate. Should McCain's message fail to gain traction among the faithful in Ohio, Virginia and Colorado,I expect Honest John to resort to some of the sleazy tactics that surfaced during the summer. Karl Rove may not be on McCain's speed dial but his card is smoldering in the Roledex.

We have two months until the "only poll that matters" is taken. The Obama campaign has shown remarkable restraint in the field of below-the-belt politics. (Let's remember that bloggers who attempt to exploit the pregnancy of Bristol Palin do not represent the candidate.) This is shaping up to be a principled contest, run by two men who truly believe that the American people can decide the outcome on the issues. Let's just hope that the McCain people pay more attention to the Marquis of Queensbury and less to the WWE.

Thursday, September 04, 2008

...or is it time to party like it's 2000?

I'm soooo ashamed. I felt compelled to watch a little of the Republican National Convention last night and it was most informative.(Oh please. If Lincoln were alive , he would have been watching the Yankee game on ESPN by 8:45.)


I heard Rudy Giuliani (wearing a nice pants suit and only a little less makeup than Sarah Palin) tell me about the evils of being cosmopolitan. This from a man whose Manhattan apartment holds more people than live in Wasilla, Alaska. He attacked the "left wing media" ( there are people in America who think "left wing media" is one word) as attempting to besmirch Sweet Sarah Palin whose only sin was not wearing gingham and a bonnet to the convention. To be fair, he waited almost fifteen minutes before maneuvering his speech to the subject of 9-/11...a new personal record.

There was also Mitt Romney, another gazillionaire in a $5,000 suit, preaching about working class values and how the cynical left mocks them. I guess he meant me. Romney went on to beat all the usual drums: Democrats will tax your first born, Democrats want to make government bigger (although it's difficult to imagine how they could make government bigger than the current President) Democrats want to invite Islamic terrorists to the Super Bowl. Hell, even I'm becoming fearful of Democrats.

Even the Reverend Huckabee took a few swats at the Obama pinata. I think I changed channels when Huckabee affirmed that Democrats want abortions to be legal up until the child's first communion.

Still I came back for Sarah; or at least some of Sarah. Truth be told, she was good. If she wanted to be any more wholesome, she would have to have had her hair in pigtails and ridden in on the back of a cow. We are nothing if not a polished nation. I'm guessing that someone nixed the suggestion that she breast feed during the speech. (Exactly why is it necessary to have her four-month old at the entire convention? Probably couldn't get a sitter.) I was grateful that Ms. Palin avoided any lengthy discourse on her commander-in-chief experience. I half expected a back shot of her brandishing an AR-15 at the head of the Alaska National Guard, staring down the Russkies from across the Behring Sea. I missed the end, but I'm quite sure that God got at least one mention.



Republicans, as we all know, are the low tax, small government, big defense, keep government out of your life party. So explain how, in election after election, the party of the super rich purports to represent the working class. Incidentally, one supposes that there aren't many black working class Americans if one is to judge by the faces of color in Minneapolis this week. But I digress.

Republicans are nothing if not successful, powerful leaders in all fields of endeavour. In other words, the elite. It is therefore fascinating that, in the vernacular of the GOP, elite is such a dirty word. I'd like to be called elite. (I'd like to be called anything beside asshole!) These guys are rich (except for Sarah Palin). They run the sweatshops in the Philippines; the insurance companies that deny your uninsured surgery; the giant agri-businesses that import slave labor from Mexico and companies like Wal Mart employing thousands of under-insured workers.What, in God's name, would make anyone think they have working class America's interest at heart? These are the exploiters. Run away! Be afraid...be very afraid.

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

..or is Joe Lieberman just another self-important putz?

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Really Joe!

You can call yourself an "independent" if it makes you feel better but at the end of the day you just like hearing the sound of your own voice. Even with an ego the size of yours, there are some things you don't do. You don't embarrass your party by shilling for the opposition. It's one thing to express support for some position or policy that is embraced by the other guy but that's a far cry from appearing at their convention. You look like some reformed drug addict who can't wait to testify that he "once was lost but now am found".

Everyone applauded your independent senatorial victory after the Democratic party in Connecticut found you chronically, insufficiently liberal. Hurt feelings is hardly an excuse for whoring yourself to the Republicans. Grow some class, Joe. The people of Connecticut (remember them?) didn't vote for some born-again conservative. They liked your style and they apparently have a longer memory than you have. They remember the Joe Lieberman who stood with Al Gore. Think you could get elected in Connecticut today?

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Amid the screaming and shouting about Sarah Palin and her soap opera family, has anyone considered the feelings of Bristol Palin's "fiancee"?. Poor Levi Johnston. As a former high school horndog, I can appreciate the boy's plight. One minute you're engaging in a little horizontal hip hop with the Governor's daughter; the next minute you're acting all serious at the Republican National Convention. Dude!!

Just wait until the press starts interviewing your buds. I'm sure that the bloggers will be sensitive. So, Bobby, did Levi tell all you guys that "abstinence only" was just a sort of guideline? Did he tell you where they did it?

It's unlikely that 60 Minutes will feel the need to pursue this story but The New York Post will feel no such restraint. (When Joe Lieberman learned that Bristol's guy was named Levi, he invited him over for a brisket.)

I can just see Karl Rove and Dick Cheney, shotgun at the ready, explaining to young Mr. Johnston what his marching orders will look like for the next few months. Levi probably wishes he had joined the National Guard with Bristol's brother. Then he could be making tracks with Track.

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So I hear that John McCain did some time in the Navy. Who knew?

Honest to God, if Fred "slow talking" Thompson spoke for five more minutes about John McCain's victories at sea, I was going to need a Dramamine. I thought we were trying to elect a President not the captain of the Minnow.
Question: How do you make a three day convention seem like four days?
Answer: Ask Fred Thompson and Norm Collman to speak.

The convention so far has more closely resembled a remake of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. McCain is a war hero. We get it. He got shot down and spent several unpleasant years as the guest of North Vietnam. OK. Did anyone mention that he graduated from Annapolis ranked 894 in a class of 899?. Didn't you think that flight school was only for the best and the brightest? Wow! Good thing dad's an admiral.

Anyway, now that we are presumably finished listening to how McCain charged up San Juan Hill and stormed the beaches at Normandy, we will get an earful of how Sarah Palin wrapped bandages at Gettysburg and, with one wave of her sword, drove the abortionists from Alaska. Even Keith Olberman can't save this show.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

...or is John McCain cagier than we think?

Ooops!
Someone's got a Republican in the oven. If you want to know what people in Alaska do on those long, cold winter nights (if you don't play hockey) just ask Bristol Palin. Of all the lessons learned at the Palin home over the last 17 years, the one that stuck appears to involve: 1) women, 2) procreation. Grandma-to-be Sarah Palin assures us that her daughter and the baby's father intend to get married. Well, I'm relieved.

Seriously, thousands of young girls get pregnant without benefit of husbands every year and things work out just fine. One of my more cynical friends suggested that if McCain could secure the pregnant bride vote, he'd be a lock. The issue here isn't young Bristol and her baby. It's the self righteous, preachy, God is a Republican, Democrats are hedonists attitude of the GOP that causes a slight smirk when one of them trips over their hair shirt. Considering that Governor Palin is a supporter of "abstinence only" education in schools, one is tempted to ask, "How's that working out for you?"

Dick Cheney's daughter is a lesbian with a child, yet he welcomes support from demigods like James Dobson of Focus on the Family. If Ms. Palin's son Track (who the hell calls a kid "Track") turns up in a gay bar some night, will she be as understanding (read: hypocritical) as Vice President Cheney? Life is messy. The President's brother urninates on an airport wall (Carter). The President's brother has a cocane issue (Clinton). The President had substance abuse issues (Bush 43). The President's wife killed a man in a car accident (Bush 43). When you describe yourself and your political party as morally superior you find yourself spending a lot of time dodging camera crews shouting embarrassing questions at your retreating back. The time to yell "no comment" is before the incident.

Governor Palin actually has bigger problems than a daughter with an anticipated Christmas delivery. According to the Washington Post, Palin employed a lobbying firm to secure almost $27 million in federal money for the booming metropolis of Wasilla, Alaska, pop. 6,700. The fact that she is the former mayor of Wasilla is, no doubt, an unfortunate coincidence. Washington has been wasting money in Alaska for years with the bridge to nowhere just the most celebrated. However, when you are the running-mate of Mr. "no more earmarks, reduce wasteful federal spending", your skirts should be a little cleaner. It won't take a swift boat campaign to make Gov. Palin look a wee bit disingenuous.

All of this nonsense explains why isitjustme supports Democrats. Democrats don't pretend to be perfect. They set the bar pretty low. Judge not, lest ye be judged. Or, don't be so quick to condemn gay men unless you're prepared to explain your toe-tapping in a Minneapolis men's room. Sadly, there are still plenty of rogues who don't make the grade. Those currently taking a time out for their indiscretions include Eliot Spitzer and John Edwards. In fairness, Spitzer never aspired to the role of paragon of moral turpitude (probably just as well). Edwards' fall from grace is considerably steeper, in that he presented himself as a "family values" kind of guy. He probably should have been a little clearer on what values and whose family.

As always, the big winners in this week's information derby will be Jay Leno, David Letterman, Craig Ferguson, et al. Nothing makes better fodder for jokes than politicians stepping in a pile of their own hypocrisy. However all is not lost for the GOP. With any luck, hurricane Hanna will wipe out the back half of their convention. We may then be spared the vision of Mumbles McCain trying to find those pesky teleprompters. Dag nab it!