...or does the ghost of Mike Nifong still haunt the precincts of our collective conscience?

What? You don't remember Mike Nifong? Too long ago?

OK, how about Dharum Ravi? Hell, his case went to the jury only last week.

Give up?

Mike Nifong was the Durham County, SC prosecutor who charged a group of Duke lacrosse players with forcible rape (is there another kind?) without bothering to determine if the alleged victims were telling the truth. The result was a national rush to judgement that, while not ruining three lives, at least put a turd in the graduation punchbowl. We were all ready to believe that a bunch of spoiled rich kids hired a couple of black dancers for a party and raped them. Were it not for DNA testing and an ATM camera, those kids might be making new friends at the Allendale Correctional Institution. Score one for law enforcement.

Dharum Ravi is the Rutgers student who has been found guilty of anti-gay intimidation (a hate crime in New Jersey) for watching on the web as his gay roommate got it on with another man. Ravi's roommate, Tyler Clementi, committed suicide by jumping from the George Washington Bridge. Ravi has been accused of "outing" his roommate, which he didn't, and broadcasting a sex video on the internet which he also did not. Ravi's case is the classic coincidence vs causation. To assume that Clementi's suicide was a direct result of Ravi's actions is a bigger leap than the one that killed Clementi. Paging Jack McCoy?

All of this is by way of reminding my fellow travelers of the danger of mailing in your guilty verdict before all the facts are in. Attend the tale of Trayvon Martin and George Zimmerman. In case you have been travelling with Rick Santorum and therefore never hear anything about the real world, Trayvon Martin was shot and killed by Mr. Zimmerman on Feb 26 in the little town of Sanford FL. The only facts in evidence are that Martin was unarmed and he was on the phone with his girlfriend when the incident occurred. After that it starts to get cloudy. Zimmerman claims that he was attacked and that he was defending himself. Maybe.

The situation is complicated by a nifty little law that was passed in Florida and 22 other states. As the result of an unholy alliance between the Republicans and the NRA, Florida has a law nicknamed Stand Your Ground. The short version is that if you perceive yourself in fear of death or "great bodily harm" you have Florida's permission to blast away. The threat need not be real or provable just as long as you "perceive" it to be so. These laws stem from a decision by the Supreme Court in 1895 (Beard v U.S.) that spoke to a person's right to use deadly force "in his home" when a threat was imminent. Florida, and other states, have expanded the concept to include any place that a person has a lawful right to be. If I'm in a park and you assault me with a knife I have no obligation to flee. I am well within my rights to perforate you with as many 9mm holes as my little Glock will fire. (That'll teach you to bring a knife to a gun fight.)These Castle Laws have only been codified recently in states with newly minted Republican majorities.

Considering that Castle laws have been part of the common law environment for a hundred years, one can only wonder why the sudden urge to write legislation to expand the protection. Perhaps the NRA was mindful of all the new guns purchased in the U.S. since a black man won the White House and they wanted to give people someone to shoot. In any event, because this law is on the books in Florida and only George Zimmerman is around to tell his story, no arrest was made.

That was before the media got involved...and Al Sharpton, and Jesse Jackson, and the President of the United States...and Fox News. The lack of actual information as to what happened has not stopped the news cyclists from covering this tragedy non-stop. George Zimmerman's life has been dissected like a frog in second period biology. Whether he was justified in shooting Trayvon Martin or not, his life will be decidedly different from here on. Trayvon's parents have given innumerable interviews and made several impassioned speeches. Everyone with a microphone and an audience is screaming for justice; justice being mostly defined as an indictment of Mr. Zimmerman. However this is resolved, no one will like the outcome.

Sanford, Fl is microcosmic of the country at large: 45% non Hispanic white, 30% black. Prior to the Trayvon Martin shooting Sanford was mostly remembered (if remembered is the proper term) as the town that ran Jackie Robinson out when he tried to take the field during a 1946 spring training game. The Dodgers were forced to move to Daytona Beach. People have been taking to the streets in Sanford and about everywhere else demanding an investigation. The Feds are now involved as is the State of Florida, the county of Seminole and about everyone else short of the Warren Commission. Justice will be done...well done...burned to a cinder.

Sadly, the trigger-happy asshats of the Florida legislature will, as always, escape unharmed and unrepentant. The people who put the gun in George Zimmerman's hand and gave him permission to use it will never have to answer for their actions. The NRA will remind people that, while tragedies happen, the sale, ownership and use of a gun is a wonderful and God-given right. After all, "Stand your Ground" isn't just the law, it's the American Way. With the saddest of hearts I'm sorry to say they are probably right.

...or is the Reason Rally just an excuse for smart people to carry dumb signs?

Amid the competing forces gathered on the Washington Mall last Saturday to blather for and against the healthcare reform bill, there was one group that went largely unnoticed. Honestly, why would anyone demonstrate on the Mall for a Supreme Court decision? You'd have a better chance affecting the outcome of the Kansas - North Carolina basketball game by demonstrating outside the Edward Jones Dome in St. Louis. The group calling itself The Reason Rally managed a crowd of 25,000 or so and attempted to show the powers that be in Washington that atheists are a force to be reckoned with.

Anyone who wonders why reason needs a rally has spent very little time reading a newspaper and no time watching FOX News (God bless you). Americans have consistently used religion and its cousins: exclusionism, faith and bigotry to pollute the national dialogue. The symptoms are everywhere but mostly centered around the conservative, tea party, evangelicals. As our politics devolve into a race to the bottom, GOP presidential hopefuls are leading the way.When a debate moderator asks eight potential presidential candidates how many believe in evolution and only three answer affirmatively, reason needs a rally. When a substantial percentage of the voting population chooses a candidate who degrades education and disdains any science that contradicts his mysticism, reason needs a rally.

While the Reason Rally organizers profess to be neutral on religion, their signs and slogans carry a decidedly anti-religious tone. The featured speaker, Richard Dawkins (no, not the Family Feud guy) has written a book called The God Delusion. Dawkins believes that Homo sapiens are at their best when they "crawl from the swamp of primitive superstition and embrace reason and evidence-based truth". OK, maybe that's a bit harsh on religion but consider the following:

- Rather than accept the revelations of modern science, they take their truth from a book written in 800 BC by unidentified authors whose knowledge was of their time.

- When faced with something they don't understand, they don't interrogate science for a solution, but conclude that it must be supernatural and therefore beyond understanding.

Seriously, the appeal of presidential bright-lights like Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry and Donald Trump runs about as far from reason as it's possible to get. Ask yourself who has dropped out early (Mitch Daniels, Tim Paulenty) and who's still in (Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich). The reasonable types got shelved at the outset. Why? Too reasonable. Republicans clearly prefer candidates who believe in sacred underwear and creationism.

Here's a simple test to determine if you're ready to join the Reason Rally:

If you are suspicious of intellectuals and the elite, preferring instead to be governed by people just like you, the Reason Rally probably isn't your best choice for a weekend activity. If you believe that the guy who does your taxes should have a better education than the person you send to Washington as President, you might find NASCAR more up your street than the Reason Rally. If you think that your Christianity, your white-ness or your male-ness makes you a victim in America, re-runs of Glenn Beck will have more appeal than the Reason Rally.

Remember, according several of the candidates, God told them to run (Actually, in the case of Mitt Romney it might have been Karl Rove but, for Republicans, Rove is pretty close to being God. Gingrich was chosen by Lord Voldemort). So if God told Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum and whoever else, to run for Predident was he/she just having a bit of fun? Donald Trump supposedly wanted to trade a Divine endorsement for a spot on Celebrity Apprentice. The Almighty demurred. Anyway, no candidate has had the chutzpah to suggest that God told them he would help them win. Pity. My guess is The Almighty is taking Obama and the points. Sounds like a candidate for the Reason Rally.

...or is St. Patrick's Day a Republican plot to remind America of the evils of unchecked immigration?

Is there anything going on in the world besides the GOP primaries?

Why yes:

A recent survey (No, I don't know what survey. Look it up!) found that more than half of Republican voters in Mississippi think Barack Obama is a Muslim. In Alabama it's just under half. Two questions spring to mind 1) Did the survey poll voters in Vermont or Minnesota? 2) What the f**k is wrong with these people?

The first question goes to fairness. You get the idea that snotty pollsters from New York fill their slow days by surveying Southerners with questions like "Are you hayseeds really as dumb and ill-informed as Northerners think you are? Do you think that comes from a poor education or from marrying your first cousins?" The perception of ignorance regarding citizens of Georgia and Louisiana is a stereotype that should have died years ago. The South is the birthplace of Faulkner and Tennessee Williams; of Lincoln and Lee; of John Grisham and Johnny Depp. Except that Southerners, bless their bigoted hearts, never miss an opportunity to reinforce all the unkind things we already think about them. Observe:

Laurens County, South Carolina is requiring candidates for public office to sign a pledge that they have not or will not have sex before marriage, that they are not gay and (I love this) that they will not watch pornography. So, if you're not gay, is watching gay porn OK? This charming bit of silliness has reduced the pool of potential candidates to straight (or closeted) eunuchs with no internet service. One or two nuns might qualify but I'm betting again' it.

Florida passed a law allowing public school students to recite "inspirational messages" during mandatory school events provided the faculty is not involved. For those of you who missed your caffeine jolt this morning, this is a feeble, lame attempt to circumvent fifty years of anti school prayer rulings by the Supreme Court. Southerners just can't let this go. (BTW the Florida legislature also rejected a law that made it a crime for Florida legislators to profit from the laws they pass. "Welcome to Florida where graft is actually legal".)

The Texas anti-abortion law, recently sign by Governor Rick "my MENSA application must be lost in the mail" Perry is so draconian, Garry Trudeau felt compelled to use his Doonesbury comic strip to lampoon it. Naturally, several southern newspapers have refused to print the strips.

For the record, the official policy position of isitjustme is that while all Southerners are not dumb a large percentage act dumb. Telling a pollster that you think the President is Muslim or a Kenyan is dumb. However, I am prepared to accept that telling someone that you don't like Barack Obama because he's black is worse. Perhaps the people of the Southern States have learned something about image. It's better to appear ill-informed than racist. Maybe I don't have my facts straight but they are facts...sort of. It appears we have hit on the first possible inspirational message for Florida school kids:

"Thank God we live in a country where information is never an impediment to an opinion. The men and women of our armed forces have given their lives to defend my right to talk out of my ass. Facts are for losers. If God wanted me to use my brain he wouldn't have given me a gut. It this a great country or what? God bless the United States of America...and Go Gators."

...or is the War on Religion being fought with very large egos and very small, round pills?

Meanwhile, down the street from the Unitarians...

The Catholics were girding for war. The gauntlet having been thrown down by Barack Obama and the Department of Health and Human Services, Catholics are being told that their very survival is at stake. America's Catholic Bishops are in conclave (conclave is like a meeting but everyone wears a dress.) deciding whether the fig leaf solution to the contraception problem offered by the Godless dictators in Washington can be accepted.

Really, this contraception squabble works for the Catholics on several levels. First, it diverts attention from the 500lb scandal that has plagued the RCC for the last fifteen years. "Pay no attention to all those pedophile priests and our institutional attempts to cover them up. The real issue is birth control pills". Second, it bestows on the Church the sacred cloak of victimization. Catholics who haven't seen the inside of a church since Aunt Clara passed are rallying around the old rugged cross. "Our blessed church is under attack. Man the barricades. ..right after we check Google Earth to see where the Church is." Nothing unifies the mob like a common enemy. For the moment we can forget that 98% of Catholic families have ignored the Church's teaching on birth control.

This controversy isn't likely to refill the pews at Our Lady of Infinite Indifference but it will at least afford the RCC the opportunity to make the papers for something other than sexual abuse. Priests can actually appear in public without their attorneys. Having been handed this marvelous public relations gift do not expect the bishops to let it rest. The debate among the prelates will be less about insurance coverage than about spin. This will require some delicacy...never an RCC long suit. Too much dogma and you risk alienating all those Catholic women who not only use birth control but have it paid for by their employers. Not enough pressure and the "evil oppressors" in Washington might seem less evil.

A tactical hint might be the statement by New York's newly minted cardinal, Timothy Dolan, who opined that the compromise suggested by the administration was a " step in the right direction". The wrong tone was offered by Cardinal George of Chicago who wrote that "liberty of religion is more than freedom of worship. Freedom of Worship was available in the Communist Soviet Union." Suggesting that government mandated contraception coverage is tantamount to state suppression of religion is a sure way to remind your audience why they left in the first place. The idea is to look principled but reasonable. No matter how much damage you inflict on Barack Obama you won't get Rick Santorum elected.

Actually, Catholics and Republicans have the same problem but for exactly opposite reasons. The Catholics are victims of a hierarchy whose reactionary policies have made them irrelevant. Catholics can make up their own minds about what constitutes a Catholic whether or not that view comports with Rome. Thus we have "cafeteria" Catholics. The GOP on the other hand is being dragged to the extreme right by its congregation. In this case its the leadership is resisting. Of course the Catholic bishops aren't running for anything (except for Cardinal Dolan running for Pope). The Church doesn't need consensus, although it would help fill a church or two.

The bishops will, no doubt, drag this debate beyond Easter and on into the summer. Catholic Americans, being Americans first, will lose interest and focus on the start of baseball season and the NBA playoffs. Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum will take their War on Religion on the lecture circuit where this red meat issue will stand in stark contrast to the chicken dinner they've just eaten. Catholicism will survive but in a diminished role. Mostly, American Catholics will come to believe that their obligation to their church is satisfied if they lustily root for Notre Dame football on Saturdays. Go Irish!

...or is it ironic that Jesus became such a liberal considering he was home schooled?

There have been almost 400 of these rants "published" since 2006 and I'm pretty sure none of them have been about me. There are several good reasons for this: 1) I'm boring. 2) If I wanted to write about myself, there's always Twitter. Trust me, my entire life would fit comfortably in 140 characters with room left over for a really tasty meatloaf recipe. 3) My political/social observations are occasionally worth the time spent reading. Not so my personal adventures. The only thing I share with the Most Interesting Man in the World is face hair.

I bring this up because something happened on Sunday last that caused me to rethink, in part, one of my long-held beliefs-namely, that most organized Christian religions are as antithetical to faith as is Macaroni Grill is to Italian food. Nothing in my experience has shown me any of the teachings of Jesus Christ in what has become modern-day Christianity. Jesus spent three years preaching in public. His message was love, charity, humility, kindness, self-sacrifice. His first public appearance was the marriage feast at Cana. At no time did he use the opportunity to rail against divorce or homosexuality or contraception. At the Sermon on the Mount all the admonitions were positive: "Blessed are the peacemakers", "Blessed are the pure of heart". There was no "Damned are the nonbelievers", or "If you Jews don't wise up you're all going to hell".

So, armed with my trusty preconception against most things Christian, I was persuaded to attend a service at the Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Fairfax. I had a layman's knowledge of Unitarians: they are non-dogmatic, liberal to a fault and given to sermons, not preaching.

Clearly I was more aware of what they weren't. Cynically, I was prepared to be unimpressed. Note: I don't think of myself as a cynic. However, after 64 years of consistently pointing out the cloud around every silver lining, others have labeled me such. I will bow to that observation.

What I heard was a one hour service devoted to people. There was an announcement of a meeting in Washington to aid immigrant Muslims. Let me say that again: the Unitarian Congregation is meeting to help immigrant Muslims. WOW! How does that square with the anti mosque sentiments of 2010?

There was singing (the day's topic was diversity so the musical selection included a Jewish folk song and a Buddhist chant. I know this sounds like they're trying too hard but is was actually OK). There were prayers but they were universal and gentle. The congregation was asked to remember the sick and suffering but not to pray for them. The only way I knew I was in a religious service was the passing of the collection plate. Apparently even Unitarians have to pay the light bill.

The experience wasn't transformative. We're not talking St. Paul on the road to Damascus. It was, however, educational. Unitarians pay close attention to language. God is barely mentioned. Spirituality is translated into grassroots practical actions. Behavior matters more than belief. Apparently, your relationship with the Almighty matters less than how you act toward others and your environment. Having been exposed to a lifetime of Christian threats and admonitions the Unitarian service was inclusive... tranquil. There was no carrot and stick...just an olive branch. It seemed ...uncluttered. I think Jesus might have approved.

...or has the GOP given new meaning to the term three-way?

Like most of my blue-state brethren I am overjoyed with the Chinese fire drill that is the Republican nomination process. Each day brings new opportunities for Mitt Romney to remind us how cluelessly wealthy he is. Every morning I can rise to the possibility that Rick Santorum will invent a new commandment (Thou shalt not fornicate with anyone using government sanctioned birth control.) Seriously, if Rick Santorum had presented the Laws to Moses he would have needed a semi instead of a Semite. Or I can gleefully await the next pronouncement of impending apocalyptic disaster from Newt "Dr. Doom" Gingrich. "If Barack Obama is re-elected President, America won't win a single gold medal at the London Games this summer." (Yeah, I know. The Olympics are in Aug. and the election is in Nov. Get over it.)

Republican voter are approaching primary ballots as though they were stored in an outhouse. GOP voters are clamoring for a "None of the Above" choice on the ballot although they have one: Ron Paul. If you don't believe it, look at Virginia. With Gingrich and Santorum absent, Dr. Paul amassed 40%. That's 40% of Virginia, which went for Obama in 2008, deciding that they couldn't pull a lever for Romney. Paul has no shot so why vote for him? Because drawing a picture of a steaming pile of horseshit in the Romney column takes too much time. Any opportunity for a write-in (there was none) would have generated votes for Donald Duck, Pat Paulson and a slab of ham (aka, Chris Christie). Republicans feel the same way about their options as kids in a school cafeteria feel about the vegetables...they're all about the same and they all suck.

Meanwhile in a big house on Pennsylvania Avenue, a certain tan-ish Commander-in-Chief is giving thanks to God, Allah, Jehovah, Krishna and about any other deity he can think of. With the economy moving at the speed of a Supreme Court foot race, the Iranians creating a nuclear-sized hemorrhoid and the price of a tank-full of regular running even with the price of a Springsteen ticket, the President can hardly believe his luck. Even when he screws up, like the flap over contraception and churches, the three stooges on the Right make him look like Gandhi and Mandela combined. In "Back To School" Rodney said "If you want to look thin, stand next to fat people." So, as a corollary, if you want to look really smart, get in a race with really stupid people.

If it were raining soup, Santorum would be out with a fork, Gingrich with a knife and Romney with a gold-plated colander. Seriously, these guys couldn't beat eggs. The Republican electorate feel about these three boneheads the way Chris Christie feels about a salad. OK I'll stop now but really, when the other guy makes an error, you don't stop, pick up the ball and invite him to tag you out.

Romney, if and when he eventually limps over the finish line, will do so without the South. (Yeah, he won Florida but Florida is about as "Southern" as a KFC in Newark.) The South would prefer Gingrich...or Santorum...or Gingrich or...apparently anyone but Mitt. (As an elder American I'm over the moon about the Southern states clamoring for, not one but two, Catholics. Jack Kennedy would be stupefied.) Romney may very well win all the primaries in states he can't possibly win in the general election. His strength ("strength" in Romney's case means 52%) in the industrial North, Midwest and far West may prove as significant as being named the #1 Jewish MMA contender. It's a nice honor but it's also a ticket to an ass-whipping.

Romney is the rich son of a rich father. He's as white as mayonnaise and about as exciting. His avid supporters wouldn't fill a booth at Burger King. Still, it's no sin to be rich, white and boring...unless your tricorn hat makes you look like one of King George's Governors instead of Patrick Henry. "Governor Romney, how do you feel about the Declaration of Independence? "Well, I don't know many of the Signers but I own the company that made the parchment and the ink company and the carriage company that transports the Signers and..."

...or will the GOP continue its vagina dialogues through November?

WOW!

I'd run out and buy a lottery ticket but I've already hit the liberal blogger trifecta: the Republican Party, the Catholic Church and Rush Limbaugh. If we could work in Sarah Palin, I could retire.

Yes, I know you're sick to death of women's health and contraception, of sluts and Santorum, of birth control pills and Georgetown health insurance but honestly, would you rather be talking about gas prices? Hell, even the double-digit IQ crowd that listens to Rush would rather agitate over how many birth control pills prostitutes need as opposed to God-fearing Christian girls.

In order to properly understand what happened to sane intelligent discourse it's important to understand a few facts. (Facts being those things which are harder to find than condoms in the Santorum bedside table.):

Health Insurance and the government- Twenty eight states in America currently mandate that employers cover birth control pills as part of comprehensive healthcare. Many of those states make no provision for religious institutions whether they be churches or church-run businesses like hospitals or universities. So almost half the states already have birth-control mandated and as far as I know Bishop Fishhat of the Roman Catholic Church hasn't said a word. So why bring it up now? Why is the provision more odious when it's national? (BTW, these state laws have been signed by such notables as "Governor" Mitt Romney and Rev. "Governor" Mike Huckabee.)

Women's health vs the First Amendment - Freedom of Religion as stated in the Constitution covers the establishment of a state religion and the "free exercise" of anyone's faith. I fail to see how a government mandate to provide health insurance coverage for contraception in any way violates the Constitution. Catholics are still free to practice their faith without interference. Government has been sensitive to church prohibitions and exempted them from the law when employees of the church itself are affected. When ancillary businesses such as hospitals are concerned however, churches are expected to obey the law. How does this violate a Catholic's right to practice?

Barack Obama and the War on Religion - I suspect that no one was more surprised than Barack Obama to learn that he had declared war on religion or war on the Catholic Church (You have to hand it to Newt. When he says "War on the Catholic Church" you can actually see Joan of Arc on Pennsylvania Ave.) Having been castigated for spending twenty years at the feet of Rev. Jeremiah Wright, the President expected attacks on his patriotism not his faith.

Nevertheless Congress, anxious to do anything to divert the country's attention from its complete and total ineptitude, lept to action. Rep. Darrell Issa of California empaneled a committee and elicited testimony from "experts"...all men, all white, all older than that condom high schools kids carry in their wallet. Honestly, the panel looks like the reunion photo from the graduating class of a Presbyterian seminary circa 1958. It took a Democrat to permit the testimony of one woman, a law student, to present the argument for the other half of the population. And thus we get...

Rush Limbaugh and his appalling lack of grace and information - It's difficult to believe that the level of discourse in America has sunk so low that anyone would listen to or comment on a cancer like Limbaugh. His listening army of salesmen and retirees routinely spend three hours a day wallowing in every form of racist, misogynistic, reactionary bile a twisted soul can conceive. Unbounded by good taste, courtesy, or the slightest nod toward justice or fair play, Limbaugh has attacked anyone and everyone with innuendo, half truths and distortion. This is slime in its purest form.

However, this is a country founded on free speech. He gets to be a pig and we defend his rights. He's welcome to verbally abuse entertainers, politicians and public personalities for the amusement of his drones and the delight of his advertisers. Fame carries some peril (ask Sarah Palin). His right to be a turd however does not extend to ad homonym attacks on private citizens. The birth-control related testimony of Sandra Fluke before a Congressional Committee does not make her a public person. Attacking her as a "slut" and a "prostitute" is beyond disgraceful; it's libelous. It's also buffoonish. To expound on a woman's contraceptive needs is boorish. To do so with no actual knowledge is comic. Limbaugh's assertion that Ms. Fluke's sexual cravenness necessitates multiple contraceptive applications would be clownish if not so hurtful. Tragically, this incident and ten more like it won't end Rush Limbaugh. Boycotts have been suggested but the only boycott that may prove effective would be if women withheld sex from every husband who listens to that asshat. Not that Rush's audience gets laid all that much anyway!

Regardless of how this comes out, women will have access to contraception because, no matter what they say in public, men, fathers, lovers, adulterers and especially priests, do not welcome unintended blessed events. One might even expect to find a little round dispenser squirrelled away in the medicine cabinet of the Rick Santorum Little Red Home Schoolhouse in Great Falls, VA. After all, what student of military history doesn't remember the old World War I song "Praise the Lord and Pass the Ortho Novum"?