Wednesday, January 26, 2011

...or can we start contributing to the Michelle Bachmann For President campaign now?

Whether Barack Obama is Christian, Muslim, or a secret Druid, he is clearly praying to the right God. The Republican Party is far more fractured in victory than they ever were in defeat. That cute little gaggle of old white people in funny hats calling themselves the Tea Party has metastasized into the largest hemorrhoid seen in politics since Ralph Nader screwed up Florida for Al Gore. Having spent the entire summer drinking their own kool-aid, they are in the process of derailing what was, for a few minutes, a tidy Republican success. The GOP is yearning for the days when their ranks were filled with rich, dignified white guys who sent money and lobbyists but otherwise stayed in the background. Waking up the rabble has a price.


Last night's State of the Union rebuttal by the Republicans was the clearest example yet that Tea Baggers think the election was a victory for them alone. Not content to allow Paul Ryan of Wisconsin, himself a tea bag darling, to deliver the rebuttal to the President's speech, the baggers demanded a second rebuttal from Michelle Bachmann. You may remember Ms. Bachmann from such profound pronouncements as calling President Obama "anti-American" and stating that the census could be used to create internment camps. In keeping with the inflamatory rhetoric favored by the baggers, Rep. Bachmann suggested that Americans be "armed and dangerous" when fighting climate-change legislation. Ms. Bachmann might have used more caution in the selection of a platform for her coming out. The last two Republicans who spoke after Barack Obama: Bobby Jindal of Louisiana and Bob McDonnell of Virginia made a hash of the opportunity and disappeared into the political wilderness for years. Moral: Don't f**k with the eagles if you can't fly.


First Jese Ventura now Michelle Bachmann. Someone needs to check the hallucinogenic properties of the ink used on Minnesota ballots. At least Ventura was a self-inflected wound. Bachmann is in the Congress for God's sake. Flush from her recent landslide in Minnesota's sixth district (population 600,000. Same as Alaska) Michelle has been seen stalking the corn fields of Iowa. FYI. Bachmann's Congressional campaign cost almost $9 million and she polled 159,500 votes. At that rate, Michelle will need just shy of $3 billion to match Barack Obama's vote total from 2008. Because nobody, including Iowans, spend winters in Iowa unless they have presidential aspirations, Ms. Bachmann's motives are a tad transparent. (She is polling fifth in Iowa but that was before her Tuesday night speech.)


Michelle is the latest example of a clown who thinks she should be ringmaster. Being Queen of the Crazies is great as long as you confine yourself to being keynote speaker at the village idiots convention in International Falls. As Sarah P. is discovering however, the wider universe expects a little more than dopey platitudes. National politics is about broadening your base and offering America the hope of tomorrow. Telling the country that we are "under attack" and on the eve of destruction frightens the children and causes voters to seek a candidate a touch less apocalyptic.


Still, 2012 is a long way off. Hotels in Iowa and New Hampshire will continue to do a brisk business as a small army of presidential hopefuls gallump through the state. We have yet to hear from Tim Pawlenty, Minnesota's current governor and resident Casper Milquetoast. Still hovering around the hive are such diverse options as: Jon Huntsman, current Ambassador to China, David Patreaus, our superstar general in the mideast, Haley Barbour, the Boss Hog from Mississippi and a Georgia talk show host named Herman Cain. Meanwhile, The Prez is wearing out his prayer rug. He doesn't much care who the ultimate Republican victor is, as long as it's a fair fight. A long, gruesome, expensive divisive, ugly fair fight.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

...or might it be possible trade with the Italians? They take the cast of Jersey Shore. We take Silvio Berlusconi.

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In 1997, without any provocation, the people of Italy inflicted upon the United States an irritation called Roberto Benigni. His Academy Award acceptance in 1998 caused Academy members to yearn for the no-show days of Woody, Brando and George C. Scott. Well it's taken thirteen years but America is about to get even.


MTV (hard to believe they're still around) has announced that next year's season of Jersey Shore will be filmed in Sicily. Governor Chris Christie should call a press conference and take credit for ridding the Garden State of the plague that is Jersey Shore. This squad of self-absorbed guidos (their term, not mine) has been the worst thing to happen to the Eastern Shore since syringes began washing up on the Tom's River beach. Fortunately, Italy's pain is our gain. While America scrambles to discover a way to revoke Snooki's passport, the Italians will be faced with explaining how, in just a couple of generations, solid Italian immigrants could morph into loud, loutish cartoons. Guess the Corleone's are looking pretty good about now.



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Is it even possible to violate Jesse "the Body" Ventura? The former pro wrestler and Minnesota governor (it's difficult to determine which job required less mental acuity) is suing both the TSA and the Dept of Homeland Security. It seems that The Bod feels that full body scans and full pat-downs are a violation of his Constitutional protection against illegal searches. Wonderful! Another asylum is heard from.


Having served the people of the State of Minnesota a steady diet of not much from 1999 to 2003, Ventura has been mostly a bit player in both politics and film. Actually, most people think Ventura and Hulk Hogan are the same guy. Now that he has his own TV show on truTV, a cable station with an audience in the high three figures, Ventura is using the courts to flog his ratings. You see, my friends, the show is called "Conspiracy Theory". Get it? The TSA is "conspiring" to steal your rights. WOW! Think it's a coincidence that Lou Gehrig got Lou Gehrig's disease? Oh you naive fools. Watch my show.

If ever a trial judge needed to issue a gag order, this is it; retroactive to 1999 if possible. Unfortunately, the rest of us won't need a judge's order to gag.


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In a move deemed long overdue, the Marriott Hotel Corp announced that it would no longer offer guests the opportunity to watch "adult content" films in Marriott hotel rooms. Yes folks, after God knows how many years of raking in countless millions peddling smut to its guests, the deeply conservative, Mormon-owned Marriotts have finally succumbed to pressure groups like Focus on the Family. Seriously, could these people be any less fun?

Apparently, those upright execs at Marriott had held forth for all these years, defending your right to watch porn in your room. Compared to the trouble you might get into on the streets or in the bars of America, a little in-room skin seemed a harmless vice. Besides, argued Marriott, the average viewing time was clocked at only about seven minutes. What's all the fuss about movies that couldn't hold viewer attention any longer than that?


At least Marriott guests will find new reasons to reach for the Book of Mormon, mostly to prop-up your iphone so you won't need two hands to watch downloaded porn.





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Monday, January 24, 2011

...or does our love for nostalgia extend to the HUAC?

Return with us now to those thrilling days of yesteryear: those golden days of race-separate water fountains when Asians were chinks, (or Japs or slopes), Mexicans were (and maybe still are) wet-backs and there was a communist under every bed. Enter the House Un-American Activities Committee.

Formed in 1938 the HUAC heard testimony about possible subversive elements in American society. The country was sliding into the Second World War and there was real fear in the land that German and Japanese sympathizers would undermine the war effort. Communism was alive and well in Russia. Many intellectuals in America dreamed of, and lectured on, the perfect workers state from the safety and comfort of their tenured university positions. The Committee was determined to expose anyone thought to be a danger to the security of the Nation. The effort was noble and may actually have helped keep America terror-free during the war.

By 1945 the Committee became a permanent part of the Congressional agenda. By then all eyes had turned to the Red Menace. Communists were seen everywhere from the State Dept. to the high school classroom but especially in the motion picture industry. More than 300 actors, writers and producers were blacklisted. Failure to give evidence was seen as traitorous (See also The Crucible). It was not until after Jerry Rubin and Abby Hoffman made a mockery of the Committee's attempts to portray the anti-war movement as Communist, that the HUAC went away for good in 1975.

And so you say: why drag this unsightly bit of baggage out of the Congressional closet now? I'm glad you asked. Now that the Republicans are in charge of the House and committee chairmanships pass to them, Peter King of New York (actually Long Island) has assumed the top seat on the Homeland Security Committee. His first official act was to schedule hearings on the "radicalization of Muslims in America". This particular witch hunt will, if successful, inflame the already increasing Islamophobia loose in America. Presumably that is Mr. King's intent.


Muslims comprise something like 0.01% of the population. Nearly 25% of them are American-born converts; many of those are black. There are 1,209 mosques in America. Most are in big cities, like Newark and Detroit. (Actually we should be delighted that someone wants to fill out the population in Newark and Detroit.) Most have jobs, raise families, attend local soccer games, eat at Wendy's and otherwise comport themselves as normal Americans. Singling out any religious group for special scrutiny isn't just racist, it's un-American. Besides, most mosques are peopled with more FBI informers and undercover agents than the Hoover building.

Rep. King has already expressed his disdain for American Muslims during the "Ground Zero Mosque" dust-up. King has postulated that "80 to 85% of American mosques are populated by Islamic fundamentalists". King offered as proof of this outrageous claim the same facts presented by Sen. Joseph McCarthy regarding communists in the State Dept in the 1950's...none. King is very selective in his condemnation of terrorists. In the 1980's King was a frequent and vocal supporter of the murderous exploits of the Irish Republican Army in Northern Ireland. Jeez, Peter, at least Muslim bombers blow themselves up. The Irish set the charge and ran like hell. It may be instructive to remember that retailers in Rep. King's district on Long Island sell a lot more Guinness than hummus.


In a perfect world, Rep. King's hearing will receive no headlines and will quickly be exposed for the grandstand farce that it is. The more likely outcome is that Muslims in America will feel additional alienation in their adopted country and become even more susceptible to the lure of extremist clerics. Young people will be persuaded that government is their enemy and that American wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are, in fact, a return to the Crusades.


When will bigoted headline-grabbers like Peter King understand that people cooperate with law enforcement when they don't feel threatened? Alienation , mistrust and persecution are exactly what breeds junior terrorists. People with jobs, secure lives and families don't normally strap dynamite to their Sans-a-belt slacks. Whether Muslims will take the next step; informing authorities about someone they suspect, depends on how that cooperation will affect them. A potential trip to Washington to appear before Peter King's inquisition is enough to make a Muslim very forgetful.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

...or do legislators need a translator so they can hear the things they say?

In my home there are only two kinds of altercations: situations where I am completely in the wrong (and I apologize) and situations where my outsized overreaction to my wife's misconduct puts me completely in the wrong (and I apologize). The shooting of Rep Gabrielle Giffords in Tuscon on Saturday has brought a similar response from the political right. The liberals are blaming the neocons for the political climate that produced Jared Lee Loughner and the neocons are crying foul.



Naturally, every accusation carried a disclaimer: "While there is absolutely no proof that the ads of Sarah Palin or the rantings of Glenn Beck contributed to the mental state of the shooter...shame shame everybody knows your name." Opinions like SUV's appear in no short supply. Some blame guns (290,000,000 in America and counting). Others think the Community College that expelled Mr. Loughner is at fault (something of a stretch but after Virginia Tech?). Sadly, at the end of the day, there was probably nothing that could have prevented this tragedy...or the next, or the next.


Among the more interesting responses, we have the suggestion of Republican Congressman Peter King of New York's third. Congressman King's primary contribution to the national discourse recently has centered around the "Ground Zero Mosque"; (he's again' it) and illegal immigration, (also opposed). Congressman King's Nassau County district, being 90% white suburbanites from New York City ensures that his stand on these issues will aggravate few of his constituents (except those who might be deprived of the occasional maid or gardener).


Mr. King has proposed that, in light of the shooting in Arizona, citizens be prohibited from carrying a gun within 1,000 feet of "high profile government officials". Presumably Congressman King believes that 1,000 feet gives him hope that a gunman might hit someone else. So let's be clear, Gabrielle Giffords is fighting for her life in a Pima County hospital and Rep. King's first response is "how can I save myself"? To hell with the people who have been gunned down by crazies at Columbine or Fort Hood, now that they're shooting at me and mine something must be done.


There might be some small justification for this if Congressman King had ever voiced a word of protest at the disgraceful lack of gun restriction in America. Or if Mr. King had stood in the well of the House and decried the lax laws that allowed Virginia Tech madman Seung-Hui Cho to amass enough firepower to kill 32 people. Rep. King was noticeably silent when Texas passed a law allowing concealed weapons in bars or when gun-nuts brought AR-15 rifles to an Obama political rally in 2009. Unfortunately, Congressman King was only moved to action by the thought that the guns that pollute this country might someday be aimed at him. What a man!


No one should be surprised at this sort of selective restriction. Antonin Scalia and his pro gun Supreme Court are all for the right to keep and bear arms...just not in or near the Supreme Court. How is it that public officials are gun-ho (sorry) about guns in churches or schools (Heath Shuler, Congressman from Tombstone, North Carolina thinks legislators should "go strapped") but ever so skittish when those guns appear around their place of employment. So I guess it's OK to bring my Glock 19 to the local Burger King as long as Peter King isn't in there ordering a Big Mac. And I can haul my Sig Sauer to catch the next showing of Black Swan at the Bijou as long as Justice Scalia isn't munching popcorn in the fifth row. Seriously, I can understand Congressman King trying to use his legislative power to protect his own ass but what about the six citizens who died in Tuscon? How many feet of protection should they have had?

Monday, January 10, 2011

...or should we never be surprised when someone picks up a gun?

Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords was shot and severely wounded in front of a Safeway store in Tucson, AZ on the morning of Saturday, January 8. Raise your hand if you're surprised. Raise your hand if you are amazed that, in a country with as many guns as people, incidents like this aren't more common. Raise your hand if you believe that the constant vile rhetoric of the conservative wing of the American political scene isn't responsible for more Gabrielle Giffords. Raise your hand if you think any of this will change.

Today's Wall Street Journal was aglow with "don't look at us" disclaimers on its editorial page.
On all available evidence, Jared Lee Loughner is a mentally disturbed man who targeted Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords and anyone near her in Tucson on Saturday because she was prominent and they were tragically accessible.
There, now don't you feel better? After roughly 48 hours and almost no detailed statement from law enforcement, Paul Gigot of The Wall Street Journal has boldly taken it on himself to assure America that this was the random act of a psycho. A man totally unaffected by the violent discourse that screams from every information orifice on cable television and talk radio. However, Mr. Gigot does have some harsh words for the media. That would be the media that attempts to paint tenuous dotted lines between the shooting in Tucson and Rush Limbaugh's big mouth or Sarah Palin's gun-sight map. Shame on you Keith Olbermann!

No doubt The Wall Street Journal trotted out the same nonsense after the shooting death of abortion doctor George Teller in a Wichita Church in 2009 or the killing of security guard Stephen Johns at the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum that same year. "Just some wingnut folks. Nothing to see here". Except there is something to see. We need to look at how easy it is for unstable people to be influenced by ratings-crazy maniacs and how easy it is to purchase the means to act out. You can say that "both sides are to blame". After all, didn't the President make an unfortunate gun reference in a campaign speech? CRAP!

One side is to blame: neocons. Democrats aren't talking about "reloading". Liberals aren't drawing bulls eyes on maps...Sarah Palin did. BTW The response from Fortress Palin came from aide, Rebecca Mansour who is shocked that anyone would think that those targets on their 2010 campaign maps were intended to be gun sights. She suggested that they were just points on a map...like "a surveyor's symbol". And you wonder why nothing will change. Left-wingers aren't carrying flintlocks to political rallies. Democrats aren't suggesting "Second Amendment remedies"...Sharron Angle did. All the gun talk and all the "us vs them" noise is coming from the right. A nobody from Florida named Joyce Kaufman appeared at a teabagger rally in 2010 and proudly proclaimed "If ballots don't work, bullets will." Anything vague or fuzzy about that?

No one is suggesting that Michael Savage or Glenn Beck be silenced. After all, no one is forced to listen and it seems that as long as Fox News has an audience, Roger Ailes will continue to sow the seeds of violence and discontent. What we might expect however, is just a hint of the realization that actions have consequences. Fox and Limbaugh appeal to conservatives; the same conservatives who own all the guns. When you continually hammer your audience with opinions disguised as news, don't be shocked if they believe it. When you tell people like Jared Lee Loughner that his government is evil and is determined to take his liberty and his guns, do not express dismay when you elicit a response. Don't keep telling the well-armed and mentally challenged that healthcare legislation is a socialist conspiracy to kill your grandmother and then look shocked when one of them takes a Glock 19 to a Safeway. The President issued a "targeted kill" order on Muslim cleric, Anwar al-Awaki, after he was identified as an influence on Fort Hood shooter Major Nidal Malik Hasan. Clearly someone believes that whispering in someone's ear "pick up a gun" might cause them to pick up a gun.

As we watch the news reports of Congresswoman Giffords' recovery (God willing) and the expected prosecution of Jared Lee Loughner, it might be instructive to reflect on who we are and what we are becoming. Check the newspapers for a week or two and see what countries produce headlines about slain public officials: Mexico, Pakistan, sub-Sahara Africa. Not much from Canada, Denmark or Japan. Why do you think that is? Our culture is everywhere so we can't blame Hollywood. Americans are admired and envied throughout the world yet when it comes to shooting each other, most societies take a pass. I don't have an answer except that maybe Smith and Wesson and Rush Limbaugh don't translate easily into Japanese.