...Moving off page one...
Item
Newt Gingrich tells Tim Russert on Meet The Press that he "may" run for president in 2008. And you thought George W. was awful? The danger with Newt is that he actually has a brain and can form complex sentences. Quite a change from the current administration. Fortunately for us he's still carrying more baggage than a Miami matron in Europe.
Gingrich is proposing a change to the Constitution to curb freedom of speech in the face of terrorism. Wow! It sure is nice to know that old Newt isn't proposing anything crazy. Mr. Gingrich had better be careful or the next change to the Constitution will involve allowing foreign-born Americans like the California Grope-inator to run for president.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Item
In yet another burst of uncharacteristic good taste, News Corp has fired Judith Regan. You will remember Ms. Regan as the genius who thought a book and a pair of TV specials featuring OJ Simpson would be a "can't miss" idea. Reports concerning Judith are to the effect that she has the charm of a urinal cake without the pleasant smell. She will be missed in the same way that a cat misses a hair ball.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Item
The fighting French are pulling their "elite" 200-man special forces unit out of Afghanistan. An additional 1,100 Frenchmen under NATO command will remain in Kabul. It is expected that these soldiers will continue in their role as chefs, mimes, hair dressers and valets. The commander of NATO forces in Afghanistan indicated that this withdrawal leaves the military in a bind. The French were considered to be the "first responders" should the entire force chose to surrender. No replacement has been named but a call has gone out to the Italians.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Item
In a related story, sort of, the French are all in a dither over the possibility that the Chinese are sneaking truffles onto the market masquerading as French Black Truffles. Mon Dieu! Not that anyone you know would actually eat a truffle but the French have their bloomers in a twist because, "something covered in mud is difficult to identify and therefore easy to counterfeit". In a world full of terrorists, genocide, nuclear threats and global warming, it's comforting to see the French focusing their energy on truly important issues.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Item
The United States has returned thirty-three men who had been held in the military detention facility in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba to their home countries. This move reduces the head count in Cuba to 395, most of whom have never been charged with a crime. Most were returned to Saudi Arabia and Afghanistan. President George W Bush stated in his weekly press briefing that this was being done as a humanitarian gesture so that the men could "spend Christmas with their families". No one bothered to tell the President that Muslims don't celebrate Christmas.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Item
Former Secretary of State Colin Powell has finally begun to distance himself from the Administration's failed policy in Iraq. In a statement supporting the conclusions of the Iraq Study Group, Powell stated that the US is losing the war in Iraq and that we should begin withdrawing our troops sooner rather than later. Had Gen. Powell spoken up two years ago, his remarks might have made it past page 20 in the Washington Post. America is eagerly anticipating Powell's new book. Working titles include, "If They Didn't Want My Advice Why Did They Make Me Secretary of State?...Oh, That's Why"
_____________________________________________________________________________________
1 comment:
MIMES, bill?
Post a Comment