...were you surprised to learn that even Rupert Murdoch has a conscience?

There's an old joke that says, from now on lawyers will be used in laboratory experiments instead of rats. The reasons given were that:

- Lawyers are easier to find;

- You are less likely to become emotionally attached to them;

- and, there are some things that rats just won't do.

It now appears that there are some things that even Fox just won't do.

In case you've missed it, News Corp. and its publishing and broadcast arms (HarperCollins and Fox Entertainment) were about to release a book and a two-part interview with America's favorite un-convicted murderer, OJ Simpson. The book, titled, "If I Did It" was, if you believe in miracles, written by Mr. Simpson. At the last minute, Rupert Murdoch, ever-sensitive to the feelings of his adopted country, rode in from Australia and stopped the entire project.

This concept smelled so bad that the Fulton Fish Market was thinking of moving their operation to Jersey. Even Bill O'Reilly, the only American that doesn't hold his nose while passing 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., condemned the project.

And who do we have to thank for this bit of bottom-feeding entertainment? Why it's Judith Regan. Ms. Regan has made a career at The National Enquirer and HarperCollins by publishing books by porn star Jenna Jameson and former New Jersey Gov. Jim MeGreevey (post-outing, I presume). So successful was Ms. Regan at redefining the term "lowest common denominator" that she was given her own imprint, "Regan". I'm guessing that there is a sign in her office that says, "No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public". Hopefully, she is now humming the words to "One Toke Over The Line".

Still, Ms. Regan can hardly be blamed for thinking there is nothing that Fox Broadcasting won't do for a buck. The network that brought you, "Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire" and "Celebrity Boxing" would hardly be expected to find a two hour infomercial about OJ's book in bad taste. Face it, Fox wouldn't know bad taste if it ran up Rupert Murdoch's pant leg and bit him on the bollocks.

What Fox does understand is revenue. When this "programming" was announced, advertisers and Fox affiliates started running away faster than George Bush from a text book. (By the way, did you hear that three colleges in Texas are vying for the "privilege" of housing the George W. Bush Presidential Library? I wonder if it will contain a copy of "The Pet Goat"?) TV stations that would gladly line up for a chance to broadcast, "Who Wants to Eat a Urinal Cake" were jumping ship right and left. Not a single advertiser could be found to support this dreck. Even Lamisil, easily the most disgusting advertiser in creation, said no thanks.

Madison Ave. showed more class than the national book vendors. Borders said that they would sell the book but donate the proceeds to charity. Barnes & Nobles said that they would not stock the book but they would order copies if so requested. Stop it! How about a statement that says, "We here at Publishers-R-Us believe in the First Amendment. Orenthal James Simpson has the right to publish anything he wants. However, our stores wouldn't handle his book with asbestos mittens. It's degrading to the trees that were cut down to make the paper. Thank you."
To make matters worse, Ms. Regan tried to enlist the families of Nicole Brown-Simpson and Ron Goldman to "help" with the project. Actually, what News Corp. did was attempt to bribe the families into silence. The theory was that if either of the families took the money, they couldn't express outrage at the broadcast or the book. Thank God, both families declined.

Ultimately, Murdoch himself had to intervene. His statement would leave the impression that he was uninvolved in the original concept. Puh-leeze! No one at News Corp. would dare to green-light this bag of burning manure without checking with the big cheese. He gave himself just enough plausible deny-ability so that if the outcry became deafening, he could always rescue the ship.

I barely know enough adjectives to express my revulsion at this attempt to exploit what may be the worst miscarriage of justice since Dred Scott. It is encouraging that enough people in America were offended by this disaster that they were able to get it scrapped. Had the interview actually aired, I shudder to think how many of us would have been tempted to watch.

Presumably, OJ got the $3.5 million that News Corp. promised him. My fervent wish is that the contract included a one-way ride back to the golf course from which he was plucked. America never needs to hear from this man again. If the Pro Football Hall of Fame had any guts, they would relocate OJ's bust to a room that would only be visited by those who felt the call of nature.

It's too late to put this creep in jail. (Why is it that the only twelve people in the entire universe that think OJ is innocent were sitting on his jury?) Our only recourse is to make OJ Simpson invisible. And while we're at it, how about we make Judith Regan invisible too.