...or do really strange things surface in August?

Item Just when you thought it was safe to use the men's room in the Minneapolis airport... No sooner do we get rid of Congressmen Degenerate from Florida ( that would be Mark Foley for those of you with ADD) when we are confronted with Senator Pervert from Idaho. Senator Larry Craig has a perfectly reasonable explanation for signaling his stallmate in the airport lav. He wasn't using the code sign for "how about a little pitcher/catcher 'til they call our flight?" No. He was just spreading out, getting comfortable, making good use of the space available. If he tapped the shoe of his neighbor, well, it was just his restless leg syndrome. The explanation could have been worse. He could have asserted that, having exhausted the supply of t.p. on his side of the wall, he was merely asking for two five's for a ten. The Senate coat closet must hardly have room inside for a coat. Why is it always the most self righteous big mouth (may be a poor choice there) who turns out to be skulking in the closet? Mark Foley, Ted Haggard, David Vitter and all of the myriad repressed "sinners" are delighted to tell the rest of us how to live. Let he who is without sin cast the first condom. Anyway it won't be long before you will be able to purchase the new line of Larry Craig shopping bags at airport souvenir stands. Just give them your shoe size and you're on your way. _________________________________________________________________________ Item A new study by the Trust for America's Health finds that Mississippi is the fattest state in the country with an obesity rate in excess of 30%. Alabama, West Virginia, Arkansas and Louisiana are waddling right behind. I find it fascinating that all five of these states are firmly in the Red column. All of them supported GWB twice. Mississippi also has 350 fewer libraries than the national average and ranks 49 out of 50 on the "Smart State" Meter. This is not a coincidence. Consider, if you will, the similarities between George W. Bush and glazed donuts: both look nice in a homey, sugary way. both are devoid of benefit (Think "empty calories...empty suit"). both tend to be chosen without much thought. both are bad for you. We can fix this if we try (Not the voting record... the chubbiness) . Instead of driving down to Walmart Saturday in your SUV with the Presidents Fitness Council bumper sticker, try walking to a book store or a library. (A longer walk in Mississippi.) At the very least, if you're going to Wendy's, park in the Burger King lot and walk over. Reintroduce your family to the vegetable. We weren't raised on fast food and packaged junk. Why are we doing this to our kids? It's like smoking. Stop it! _________________________________________________________________________ Item Michael Vick and Alberto Gonzales pleading guilty in the same week. What are the odds. Well, OK "Guantanamo Al" didn't exactly plead guilty but you don't leave a cushy job in a lame duck administration unless you did something really bad. Al must have called in sick the day that Karl Rove was teaching the "How to Bullshit a Congressional Committee" course. He gave a worse performance than if Steven Segal did "Death of a Salesman". So with 17 months remaining in the endless presidency of GWB, all of the Texas Mafia from 2000 has headed for the tall timbers. Well maybe not all. Dick Cheney has hung a "gone hunting" sign on his door. Karen Hughes is still around but she's busy trying to find some world leader that will risk a photo-op with the American President. Most would rather pose with Michael Vick. ___________________________________________________________________ Item In case you missed it, the poppy crop in Afghanistan has hit a record for the second year in a row. Those guys in the Taliban may be lousy as museum curators but they're aces in agriculture. If we could teach them to grow corn, Afghanistan could become an energy producing country, not to mention the manufacturer of the munchies to accompany the drugs. ___________________________________________________________________ Item George W. Bush has found New Orleans. I guess that it wasn't too difficult considering that it looks pretty much the same as it did two years ago. In a display of presidential chutzpa for which this administration is world famous, Sensitive George visited the Crecent City yesterday on the anniversary of that little storm thing that happened two years ago. You have to be impressed with a president that asks Congress for $50 billion we don't have, to fight a losing war in Iraq but can't seem to locate a few bucks to restore one of America's crown jewels. Mayor Ray Nagen is considering publishing a report that there are weapons of mass distruction in the French Quarter. At least then the army might show up.

...or are there things you were better off not knowing?

Item Atlanta councilman C.T. Martin is proposing a new law. He wants all Jockeys invisible in public (presumably exclusive of small people who ride horses for a living). His proposed addition to the indecency laws would impose a fine on anyone showing his or her unmentionables in public. (The possibility of leaving the men's room with your fly down was not addressed nor was inadvertently tucking your skirt into the back of your knickers.) This is another example of a public official with way too much time on his hands. Councilman Martin is just another straight arrow trying to join the race with New York and Chicago competing for the "Let's Be Singapore" award. Apparently it has escaped C.T.'s notice that most of the kids wearing their baggies around their knees are black teenagers. Because he too is African American, he apparently feels it's OK to pass laws that target black males. After all, it's OK for Jackie Mason to lampoon Jews, right? Don't the Atlanta cops have enough excuses for hassling black kids? To ensure that girls don't feel left out, Councilman Martin's fashion police will also be on the lookout for exposed bra straps and telltale thongs. Looks like Madonna won't be playing the Georgia Dome any time soon. Brandy Chastain, put your shirt on! It seems clear that Mr. Martin grew up on a planet where kids didn't do everything humanly possible to enrage their parents and any authority figures they could find. The whole point of wearing long hair (the 60's), bell bottoms (the 70's), earrings on boys (the 80's) was to incite adults to shake their heads and sigh "these kids today..." The only possible reason for showing America half your backside would be to make a "statement." Sadly that statement is usually, "I'm really not as dumb as these pants make me look." The original idea for the droopy-drawers look comes from the penitentiary where they take away your shoelaces and belt. Mr. Martin has decided that prison is not the place from which to glean fashion statements. Whether we agree or not is wholly irrelevant. These kids will outgrow this affectation the same way we all did... when we need to get a job (unless your future employer is Fruit of the Loom). Meanwhile, should C.T. succeed, his next ordinance will levy a $50 fine for anyone wearing a baseball cap with the bill facing anywhere but forward, and an outright ban on wearing hood ornaments and household appliances as fashion accessories. We'll clean the little bastards up yet! ___________________________________________________________________ Item It was announced recently that Jenna Bush, daughter of President George W. Bush, will soon be marring Henry Hager of Virginia. With Karl Rove gone from the White House, it was unclear from whom young Henry sought the hand of the fair Jenna. Plans for the wedding have been left in the capable hands of Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney. They have indicated that the actual ceremony will be over fairly quickly but as to what comes after they have no earthly idea. ___________________________________________________________________ Item Isitjustme would never forget a friend so here's the latest on The Reverend Ted Haggard. You may remember Rev. Ted from such songs as "I May Be a Big Man in the God Game But I'll Never Leave My Friend's Behind". (Sorry!) Ted has decided, along with his wife, (the female one) to return to academia and pursue a degree in counseling and psychology. He then plans to move to The Phoenix Dream Center (I kid you not!) and begin a career in counseling. Considering Ted's religious devotion to methamphetamine, one would imagine that he had already spent too much time at the Dream Center. Reverend Haggard is passing the collection plate among friends and former parishioners for financial support while he completes his education at the University of Phoenix. (Isn't that like YouTube University?) Apparently the wages of sin weren't enough to support a return to college. The royalties from his books and videos have been a little light lately. Getting busted for drugs and hiring male prostitutes can really put a crimp in the old revenue hose when your message is "Follow me to the moral high ground". We're pulling for you Rev.

...or does the news sometimes put you in a funk?

Occasionally I despair of my fellow man. Have any of you heard the name Kia Vaughan? Would only that it could remain thus. Ms. Vaughan is or was a member of the Rutgers Womens Basketball Team. This is the same group of young women that were so cruelly maligned by Don Imus on his radio program last April. Not content with Imus' apology and subsequent banishment from his radio gig, sweet Kia is suing Imus, Bernard McGirk (Imus' producer and sidekick), and CBS Radio, Viacom, MSNBC, NBC Universal and presumably, Gugliemo Marconi, the guy who gets credit for inventing the radio. Greed aside (and this is all about greed) let us review the facts in the case. Imus made a tasteless, unkind remark about a group of people. No one was named. No woman singled out. Aside from their parents, the coach and the other players, no one, and I mean no one has the vaguest idea who plays womens basketball for Rutgers. The team's success in the NCAA tournament raised their profile to approximately that of the wrestling team at Iowa or the Olympic fencing team. Question one: can a reasonably anonymous person, defamed as part of a group, willfully shed their anonymity and then claim defamation? Michael Wilbon of the Washington Post suggests that this case only flies if Judge Sharpton is presiding. Question two: Is a person's reputation damaged more by the off-handed slur of a radio shock jock or by filing a multimillion lawsuit over the incident? Side issues include: What if the crack had been made by Charlie Joiner? What if the entire student body of Howard University had been defamed? We will all cringe when this gold-digging tootsie settles out of court and goes on to write a book about the humiliation she suffered at the hands of "Mr. Whitey". Considering that a whore is someone who sells themselves for money, Imus might have actually gotten it half right. On the subject of greed, Virginia Tech University is awarding the families of students murdered in the April 16 massacre, approximately $180,000 each. The money was collected as donations from people all over the country. Now, some of the family members are planning to meet to see if this arrangement meets with their approval. Really? Someone needs to explain to me when this country became immersed in the tragedy/entitlement lottery. I suspect that 9/11 put us over the top. Families with million dollar bank accounts and multimillion dollar insurance policies were griping because the $2 million that they received from the Sept. 11th relief fund wasn't enough. Allocations were made based on future earning potential rather than need. I never did hear what the survivors of the store clerks and cigarette shop owners got but I'll bet it wasn't $2 million. Some New York City Fire Fighters and EMT workers are still being short changed. I understand charity and the money that Americans donated should make all of us proud but when people start lobbying for more and more I start to squirm. Why do people feel entitled to a payday if a loved one is involved in a tragedy? If your husband /wife was killed in a car wreck on the way to the WTC on 9/11/2001 you got squat. The family of a private killed in Iraq gets a max. of $650,000. Anyway, I'm sure that the Virginia Tech families and the University will reach an agreement. I am equally sure that someone will feel cheated and sue. Maybe Kia Vaughan's lawyers are available.

...or should Americans stop shouting about being the greatest and become great again?

Sorry, Texas! Americans have lost their claim to being the tallest country on Earth. According to John Komlos, of the University of Munich (assuming you can trust those Germans), the Dutch are now about two inches taller than your average American. Robert Fogel of the University of Chicago states, "It's a puzzle to which we really don't have a good answer". In the absence of reliable scientific data, isitjustme would like to trot out a few hypotheses. We began to shrink on the world stage about the time that George W. Bush became president. Laugh if you will but fact are facts. The first thing Mr. Bush did was to withdraw America from participation in the Kyoto Accords. The entire world was grappling with runaway energy use and climate change and the biggest pig at the trough decided to opt out.I'm sure that the president's history with the oil industry and his family's sleeping with the Saudis played no part in his decision. Since then the administration has focused all of its energy on forcing allies and enemies alike to bend to our will. Why strive for consensus when you can use force? Why elicit support for policies when you can just shove them down everyone's throat? All of that bullying works for a while but sooner or later someone pushes back. Europe isn't the paper tiger that it was after WWII and compared to China's army, our armed force is a rounding error. Besides, China doesn't have to fight us, they just have to call in the loans and our economy starts to look like David Crosby's liver. The Bush administration has been singing the same song for six+ years; we know best and the rest of the world is stupid. Meanwhile the rest of the world is laughing up their sleeves at our flailing around in Iraq. It will take the next president years to restore American prestige abroad. He/she will spend all of their time bouncing from capital to capital saying things like "Sorry about that arrogant jerk that was around here before. He's gone now". Face it America, we're living on our reputation. We can't make a car that anyone wants to buy. We profess to a desire to stop illegal immigration but we employ almost all of the 12 million illegals that are here. Our infant mortality rate ranks 41st, just ahead of Croatia. Life expectancy in the US is 77.9 years, 42nd in the world. We think our health care is so damn good but in an eight country comparison, we ran dead last in death from respiratory disease and diabetes. These stats are not likely to improve as the boomers age. The administration wants to take credit for the drug coverage bill but won't explain why the government was prohibited from negotiating the price of the meds. You can thank the Republican-controlled house for that one too. No wonder Americans are shorter. We 're carrying around the legacy of George W. Bush. That load would make anyone sag.

...or should we wait before shoveling dirt on Karl Rove?

It is sooooo tempting. The person who raised Prince of Darkness to a cabinet post is calling it quits. The man most responsible for handing America George W. Bush has resigned his post as co-president/Rasputin to the White House's emptiest suit. Presumably he will slink back to hell or whatever moldy rock he crawled out from under. He can certainly leave with clean hands. He will not be the man that history remembers as the architect of the debacle in Iraq. The blood of 3,600 Americans and 75,000 Iraqis won't be on his conscience. Quotes like, "They will treat us like liberators", and " The oil revenues will pay for the war" will not be attributed to Mr. Rove. "Mission Accomplished" might have been his but, you'll never know it. As "the guy behind the guy" Rove is free to flit away to inflict yet more damage to America's prestige and status. Rove told Paul Gigot that he would have left last year but, after the Congressional hosing that the administration received in '04, Karl didn't want to leave on a sour note. That's actually funny. This is the guy responsible for more sour notes than your high school band in their tribute to John Williams. If you want to know why every thinking American (defined as those who vote regularly for the enlightened Democratic party) hates Karl Rove, I'll tell you...he beat the Democrats bloody every time and made it look easy. Hell, we helped him. The Rove saga begins in 1970. While a student at the University of Utah, Rove worked for the Republican party landing a job helping GOP candidates in Illinois. In Karl's case "helping" involved breaking into the campaign offices of Alan Dixon ( running for senator) and stealing 1,000 sheets of official campaign stationary. He then used the paper to print flyers promising free beer, food and girls to anyone attending a Dixon rally. The flyers were distributed at rock concerts and homeless shelters. His playbook for elective politics includes sifting through a candidate's garbage, a job he presumably reserves for himself. Rove has had two wives, no degree despite enrolling in several universities, and naturally, no military service. What he has is a history of dirty tricks and barely legal antics across 35 years of political puppeteering. This guy would make Chuck Colson blush. He's Dick Tuck without the leprechaun charm. Isitjustme is unable to provide background for all obscure historical references. Please Google any obscure people or incidents at your leisure. Rove really came into his own when he was asked to help defeat Ann Richards, the reasonably popular Democratic Governor of Texas in 1994. Karl had a somewhat spotty record as a political consultant up to that point. He helped John Ashcroft win a Senate seat in 1994 but six years later he assisted Ashcroft in his loss to a dead guy. Anyway, George W. Bush was the ideal candidate for Karl Rove; all hat no cattle. In George W., Rove saw a famous name attached to an affable, dopey cowboy that was never going to be invited to a Mensa clambake. Karl knew that as long as George stayed on script (and off the sauce) the sky was the limit. During the Texas campaign in 1994, Rove disguised political operatives as pollsters. They would contact voters and inquire as to whether they would vote for Gov. Richards if they knew that her administration was dominated by lesbians. Cute! Much to her ultimate chagrin, Governor Richards never took li'l George too seriously. One year later he was in the governor's mansion and she was selling Frito's in a super bowl commercial with Mike Dukakis. In the 2000 presidential race Karl knew that he had a winner in George W. Bush. All he had to do was flatten all of the other candidates. However, things were gloomy after the first few primaries. John McCain, war hero and tough campaigner, was winning. No problem. Before the South Carolina primary Rove masterminded an appeal to the Palmetto State's first love....racism. While George W. was speaking at Bob Jones University (the christian school that prohibited interracial dating) Rove's minions were telling SC residents that John McCain had fathered an interracial child. Is this guy a charmer or what? The rest is just more of the same. He chaired the White House Iraq Group whose mission was to sell the invasion of Iraq to the American people. Working with those Defender of the Truth, Dick Cheney and Don "generals don't know shit about war" Rumsfeld, America was sold the largest pile of camel droppings since Lawrence of Arabia. When New York was attacked, we wanted to strike back and old Karl was right there with a target. In 2004 George W. Bush was running for re-election on a train wreck of failed international policies. Once again it was Karl Rove to the rescue. In a political maneuver that may go on record as the best ever, Rove was able to turn John Kerry's valorous war record and three purple hearts into what has now become the most popular term in low-blow politics, "swift-boating". Still, we should not be too quick to consign Karl Rove to the ash heap of politics as blood sport. As long as Americans prefer bumper-sticker slogans over actual information Karl will always be with us. Wherever voters would rather respond to any nonsense (like John Edward's $400 haircut) than change positions in an election, the Karl Roves will prosper. Karl Rove knows what dirty little secrets American voters take into the voting booth. He knows your prejudices and your fears. His mission is to present a candidate that appeals to them. As we careen into the madness of 2008, the Karl Rove Playbook will surface. The question isn't whether any candidate will adopt the "win at all cost" philosophy of Mr. Rove. The question is how many.

...or should August 9 be a national holiday?

I'm thinking "Bomb Day". After all, August 9 has been littered with explosions since before the birth of Christ. To whit: 48 BC Julius Caesar defeats General Pompey at the battle of Pharsalus. Granted, no bombs were used but the outcome created quite an explosion in Roman politics. The republic was dealt a mortal blow and individual rights were all but eliminated when Caesar declared himself emperor. For a parallel, think George W. Bush after 9/11. By the way, Pompey fled to Egypt which, 2000 years later, gave us Osama bin Laden. Coincidence? 1930 Betty Boop (America's first animated bombshell) makes her debut in a short feature called Dizzy Dishes. Shortly thereafter, Ms. Boop checks into the rehab facility that now bears her first name. Her addiction to India Ink was never fully explained. 1936 Jesse Owens wins his fourth gold medal at the XI Olympiad in Berlin. America goes wild for Jesse until, of course, the newsreel footage reaches the States at which time Americans notice that Mr. Owens is black. Adolph Hitler, then German Chancellor, refuses to shake hands with Mr. Owens thus beginning a trend that would survive in the American South for the next 45 years. 1944 The United States Forestry Service introduces Smokey the Bear for the first time. The law firm of Tharrington, Smith & Hargrove of North Carolina (later to employ John Edwards) immediately filed a four billion dollar law suit alleging that the bear in the ranger hat and blue jeans is the property of someone else. They charge the Forest Service with propagating (wait for it) "second hand Smokey." 1945 Basically not a good day to be a tourist in Nagasaki. Harry Truman put an exclamation point on World War II by convincing Japan that if they didn't surrender right now, today, Japan would be converted into a parking lot for the first Asian WalMart.

1969 Quiz time. What happened on Aug 9 in 1969? That's right you sickwads - psychotics under the direction of Charlie Manson brutally murdered Sharon Tate, Abigail Folger, Jay Sebring, Wojciech Frykowski and Steven Parent in Los Angeles. Manson, who is now 73 and still crazy as a loon is, thankfully, still incarcerated. So are Leslie Van Houton, Susan Atkins, Patrica Krenwinkel, Bobby Beausoleil and Charles Tex Watson. Should any or all of these lovely folks ever get out of the joint, they are planning a reunion at the Spahn Ranch which will be converted to a hospice for the occasion.

1974 Everybody's favorite pinata, Tricky Dick Nixon finally, mercifully resigns the Presidency. Having noticed that even Checkers, the White House dog, was pissing on his administration, Mr. Nixon decided that a permanent vacation in San Clemente was preferable to a guest appearance on Court TV. Two additional indignities ultimately followed. In 1976 New York revoked his law license and in 1981 he was forced to live in New Jersey. Oh death, where is thy sting?

1993 Prince Albert II of Belgium is sworn in as king prompting a new round of interrogatories regarding tobacco, tobacco containers and Belgian monarchs.

2007 The Dow Jones Industrial Average falls 387 points. Ouch! If this trend continues, isitjustme could be forced to accept advertising... except, of course, on National Bomb Day.

...or are there only two types of health insurance: bad and none.

I have health insurance. I thank God and Dow Jones every day that I have it. I understand that at any time my insurance could go away and I would be forced to: 1) go to work (Aghhh!), 2) move to Canada (and I hate hockey) or, 3) pay about $800 a month for a policy. None of these are viable options. I am one of the lucky ones.





Nevertheless, "being covered" clearly isn't what it used to be. There was a time when a doctor visit or a routine procedure was fully paid for by your insurance company. Even with the advent of the "co-pay", "normal medical stuff" ( I will try to keep technical industry terms to a minimum) was paid in full.





Naturally, this epiphany arrives as a result of a personal experience. Like the folks at Jockey, I will attempt to be brief. I visited a medical facility recently for a somewhat routine test. Upon arrival, I was advised that Aetna Managed Care would cover all but $90 of the cost. Fine. I forked over the cash and away we went. A general anaesthetic was involved as was some lab work. All went well and I was on my way.





A few weeks later the bills started to arrive. $98 for lab costs; $51 for the gas-passer; and $40 for the doctor. The doctor bill surprised me so I inquired via the billing dept of the facility. My sarcasm was probably showing when I asked if I was the first patient with Aetna Managed Care to receive the procedure. If not, why didn't they add the 40 bucks to the $90 when I got there. A young lady informed me that the fee upon arrival was for the facility only. The doctor's bill was separate. Oh! Several additional questions leapt to mind but I knew that further interrogation was pointless. The overarching thought is that, even at $300 or so out of pocket, I was still pretty lucky.





It now seems that "fully covered" has gone the way of the nickel candy bar and morning postal deliveries. Having no facts at my disposal and even less interest in discovering any, here is my guess as to how we got to our present circumstance. First came medical insurance. You (or most likely your employer) paid a premium and you could go to the doctor at will. The doctor invoiced the insurance company for a fee that was considered "usual and customary". Insurance paid and all was well.





Then came the dreaded HMO. Doctors were restrained from billing for any amount beyond what the insurance company considered "fair". This was designed to limit the spiraling cost of health care and make a bundle for Blue Cross, Aetna and all the rest of the insurance companies.


Doctors protested. The cost of tongue depressors was rising every year, they said. Nurses want to be paid like medical professionals not Carmelite nuns. And don't even get me started on the cost of those paper night gowns.





Then it hit them. "We can charge whatever we like. Whatever the insurance company won't pay, we'll just charge the patient. When they see the bill that we sent to the insurance company for the operation or the x-ray (already seriously inflated) they'll feel grateful just to be paying $75 or $80."And so we have the birth of "medical cost creep". And I have it easy. I can just imagine what the parent of a sick child must have to deal with.

Employers have responded to the rising cost of insurance premiums by cutting benefits. Usually those most affected are workers at the bottom of the corporate ladder. Does anyone in America believe that the Fortune 500 CEO's are powerless to affect change if they felt it was in their best interest?



It doesn't have to be this way. Go see Michael Moore's "Sicko". (I'm sorry if you don't like his politics.) You will learn that other countries do health care better. None are perfect and no one wants to live like the Cubans just so we can get a free tonsillectomy, but ours is not the only way. If we would just look at how Canada, France, England and any one of 50 countries manages to provide care for all of their citizens, we might learn something.









Health care in America works if you are employed by a big corporation or if you work for the government (military personnel apparently excepted). It works (and most things generally do) if you're wealthy. It works if you were lucky enough to stay in the same place long enough to get long term benefits. (That would be me!).





Americans will go to the polls to oppose gay marriage and to exterminate abortion but no one votes for universal health care. I guess all those people in Kansas and Nebraska already have medical insurance. I hope the policy covers political myopia..