...or has this site slipped from sight?

Sorry for the hiatus. It's murder trying to find a new ribbon for these things. Now where were we? Oh yeah: Item Should you find yourself among "the huddled masses yearning to breathe free" you can always rely on a helping hand from the Bush Administration...unless you're a Kurd. The geo-political geniuses of the Bush White House have assisted the Turkish Air Force in a recent raid on the Kurdish rebels in Northern Iraq. Although regrettable, this course of action was considered preferable to allowing a full scale invasion by Turkey of Iraq's northern provinces. Once again, the Kurds take it in the shorts. Screwing the Kurds is something of a family tradition among the Bushies. George's dad allowed Saddam Hussein to use what was left of the Iraqi air force to bomb the Kurds after the first Gulf War. Having encouraged the Kurds to overthrow the Hussein government at their earliest opportunity, the Kurds were understandably perplexed by the apparent mixed message. When George the Lesser decided to try his hand at nation-building in Iraq, his only allies in the region were the Turks and, of course, the Kurds. Do these guys know how to treat a friend or what? Apparently, the enemy of my enemy is my enemy. The Kurdish representative in the Iraqi government, Massoud Barzani, is naturally vexed at the treatment his people are receiving at the hands of Bush & Co. There was, however one note of solace. Condolences arrived this morning in the form of a cable from Ray Nagin, Mayor of New Orleans. Ray wrote, "Massoud, keep your chin up. It could be worse. If Kurdistan is ever hit by a natural disaster, you'll find out how cruel this administration can really be." ____________________________________________________________________ Item Isitjustme has made a concerted effort to refrain from castigating the Catholic Church but, occasionally it is impossible to keep silent. As an organization committed to education, the leaders of the RCC seem incapable of learning anything from past mistakes. Attend the tale of Francis Eugene Cardinal George, OMI, Cardinal Archbishop of Chicago. To paraphrase a line from Richard Dreyfuss in Jaws, "...I know that you are going to ignore the fact that there is a (pedophile) problem until one swims up and bites you in the ass". Cardinal George is about to become president of the Conference of Catholic Bishops. Among clerics in America, this is a big deal. The president of the CCB will have a large voice in the administration of the Catholic Church. He will be the principal representative of American Catholics in Rome and he will be front and center for the Pope's visit in the spring of 2008. Sadly, Cardinal George is the poster boy for the Church's true feelings regarding pedophile priests; ignore the problem, blame the victims. The Catholic Church is running away from this issue as fast as possible; stopping only long enough to write enormous checks for compensation. Although zero tolerance for pedophiles is American Catholic policy since 2002, Cardinal George is on record as saying, "Are we saying that people with any kind of question in their past are not employable?" Holy underwear, Batman! Has this man never seen Law and Order? Pedophiles don't stop! They don't get better. Allowing a man to function as a priest after a conviction as a child molester is the worst kind of irresponsibility. But there is a new spin coming from the archdiocese of Chicago. (It's just possible that we've discovered what happened to Karl Rove.) In a sermon during a Mass celebrated for lawyers and jurists in Grand Rapids, Michigan, Bishop Thomas Paprocki from Chicago explained who the real villain is. In his legal opinion (Bishop Paprocki has a a law degree and a license in Cannon Law) the Church is under attack. "We must use our religious discernment to realize that the principal force behind these attacks is none other than the devil." Really? And here I was thinking that the "force behind these attacks" was a small army of people who had their trust in the clergy repaid with a lesson in sodomy. Who knew that, it was actually a red guy with a tail. Well, at least Bishop Paprocki got the horns right! Bishop Paprocki wasn't clear about the devil's actual role in the play. Was he whispering in the ear of the pedophile priests? Was he advising the victims to come forward? Perhaps the bishop was scanning his audience of lawyers to see if an exorcism was in order. When the devil and an attorney get together, bet on the lawyer. The Catholic Church has been settling claims all over America for five years and they still can't admit to the problem. Until Rome faces this issue head-on, no Catholic should drop a dime in any collection plate. When Benedict XVI arrives in America, Catholics should stay home. The Church doesn't belong to a bunch of men in dresses. It belongs to the faithful and until parishioners throughout America are prepared to stand up and make the Church admit the problem, the alienation between people and priests will continue. Vote with your feet folks, and with your wallets. ____________________________________________________________________

Item

Sean Taylor, defensive back for the Washington Redskins, was shot and killed in his home in Florida two weeks ago.

On Wednesday, December 5th, eight people were killed in a shooting at an Omaha, Nebraska shopping mall.

There are almost 200 million guns in private hands in the United States. 65 million are hand guns.

Any questions?

...or is Walmart something we should be thankful for?

Things that will make you wish you were Canadian: Item Let's talk about Walmart. Face it. We live in a capitalist society. That society rewards entrepreneurship, effort, efficiency, education and a lot of other "e" words that I can't come up with now. We accept, even applaud, companies that come to market with the best product at the best price. Whether it's Best Buy selling electronics or PetSmart (note the trendy elimination of the space between words) peddling kibble, we are happy to drive 5 or 10 miles to save $.50 on a box of Cheerios. So be it. This is America and we will defend to the death your right to waste $1.00 in gas to pocket $.50. But then there's Walmart. Someone, probably Paris Hilton, said that no publicity was bad publicity. As the only company in America that spawned an organization dedicated to its destruction, Walmart might beg to differ. Throughout America, small bands of crusaders are rising up to stop Walmart from expanding into new territories. The Germans drove them out in 2006 and, except for the UK, things are grim in the EU. Folks hate Walmart for a host of reasons: Walmart destroys small local businesses; devastates downtown shopping areas; promotes suburban sprawl. Their parking lots are brighter than Shea Stadium on game night. As neighbors, most people would prefer the storage facility for the Center For Disease Control. Closed Walmart stores lay abandoned for months, sometimes longer. Walmart can always be relied upon to do the least that the law allows with regard to safety and overall good citizenship. This is the company that refused to take any responsibility for assaults and rapes occurring in their own parking lots. However, the issue that makes the news most often is the reason for today's rant: the manner in which Walmart treats its help. Walmart professes to be a friend to the working family, providing high quality goods at reasonable prices. That's true as long as the working family isn't working for Walmart. The company is maniacally anti-union. A union would presumably bring a measure of worker's rights to a company whose business practices would be more at home in the Philippines. Thousands of Walmart employees are without benefits mostly because their hours don't qualify them for full time status. Better to pay peanuts to two employees than benefits to one full-time worker. If you imagine that this is all covered by the term "good business practices" please avail yourself of page one of November twentieth The Wall Street Journal. Column three details the case of Deborah Shank. Ms. Shank, a Walmart employee with health insurance, was involved in an accident with a truck, (not Walmart's) leaving her with severe brain damage and in need of constant care. She was awarded $700,000 in a settlement with the trucking company. Legal fees and other expenses reduced the award to $417,000 which would go toward her future medical expenses, that is, of course, until Walmart stepped in. Two years ago Walmart's medical plan sued Ms. Shank for $470,000, an amount equal to the cost of her to that point. Let me say that again...Walmart sued Ms. Shank to recover the money they had paid for her hospitalization. They did it for the very best of reasons...the law says they can. In 2006 Walmart posted a net profit of $12.18 Billion on sales of $344 Billion. They are currently the largest public corporation by revenue. Now you have some idea as to how they got there, by screwing every last cent out of their work force. You can say that no one forces people to work at Walmart and that is certainly true. There should, however be a covenant between employer and employee that's rooted in fairness and respect. (Wow! What century were you born in?) Seriously! I know very few bosses that don't care whether their employees prosper. They value their reputations as caring even if it costs them a few rolls of Scotch Tape at Christmes. Walmart is spending millions to promote the idea that they are model world citizens: They're green; they're responsible. Sure. They're responsible for poisoning American children. When you grind your suppliers to cut costs and then cut them again, you shouldn't be surprised when the stuff you import is produced by slaves using lead paint. They will need all the paint they can find. It will take a lot to apply to the lips of this pig.

...or is reading only The N.Y. Post warping your prospective?

Things that aren't making the national press: Item There is a scandal going on in Washington; and the sun is expected to rise tomorrow and Christmas will arrive on December 25th. This particular scandal however, does not involve our federal government. This one belongs to the city of Washington. Granted, any city that is run by the U.S. Congress and that can elect Marion Barry to anything is bound to be a little meshuga but, hey, $31 million. That's a lot of paper clips and Scotch tape. The story involves Harriette Walters who until recently was Washington's manager of tax refunds. (You're way ahead of me, aren't you?) Harriette has been refunding property tax dollars to herself, her relatives and bogus companies to which she has access. (To show that Ms. Walters had a sense of humor, one of the companies was called "Bilkemor, LLC.) The details are still coming to light but it appears that the game has been afoot since 1999. Most legitimate refund checks run about $10,000. The funds heading to Ms. Walters and her family were closer to $300,000. No one seems to have noticed. Also considered unremarkable was the fact that Ms. Walters drove a Bentley. The Chief Financial Officer for the district is Natwar M. Gandhi (no relation). His response to the theft on his watch was predictable. He was shocked, shocked to learn that there was larceny happening under his very nose. Assuming no liability himself he is now investigating. Presumably he is determined to discover whether Ms. Walters signed the bogus check with government ink. The Feds have Ms. Walters, and her family and her lawyer, David Fuss. What they don't have is most of the loot. Ms. Walters owns a home on St. Thomas and one in the D.C. area. So far only about $6.5 million has been seized. Retailers in the Washington area view Ms. Walters arrest in Nov as unfortunate. Harriette was a fierce shopper at Christmas. Marion Barry was unavailable for comment. __________________________________________________________________________ Item The winner of this year's "Yoko Ono Professional Widow Award" is Mariane Pearl. Under the heading of, "...but enough talk about me. What do you think about me?" Mariane Pearl continues to play the role of "anything for a buck" victim. For those of you that missed the brief theatrical release of "A Mighty Heart", Ms. Pearl is the widow of slain Wall Street Journal reporter Daniel Pearl. Since her husband's tragic death in 2002 in Pakistan, Mariane has been very busy creating a minor industry from her husband's death. Her first book and the fawning star-vehicle film that followed, were all about Mariane. Danny Pearl was so absent he could have been played by Claude Rains. Along the way, she has filed a law suit (since dropped) for damages from the Habib Bank and two Saudi sheikh as well as applying for relief as a victim of 9/11. (Now that took courage!) Now we have a new book about twelve courageous women which, by extension, includes Mariane Pearl. Her latest effort is a book called In Search of Hope: The Global Diaries of Mariane Pearl. The book details Ms. Pearl's travels around the world, interviewing women of consequence. Maybe Hanna Montana can play Mariane in the next movie. _________________________________________________________________________ Item Santa Clauses in Sydney Australia (is it "Santa Clauses" or "Santas Clause"?) have been told to abandon their traditional greeting of "Ho, ho, ho" because of the possible offense to women. No, really...you can't make this stuff up. The American Obesity Society is considering a request to abolish the "gobble, gobble, gobble" sound made by people dressed as Thanksgiving turkeys. ________________________________________________________________________Item Item And while we're being shocked, leave us consider the brothers Krongard. Howard "Cookie" Krongard and his brother Alvin "Chip" Krongard find themselves in the crosshairs of the House Oversight and Government Committee. (If there's a more glaring example of oxymoron in government I've yet to hear it.) Cookie is the State Department's Inspector General and, as such, is responsible for keeping an eye on contractors like Blackwater. (Who gives a job like that to a guy called Cookie?) He is testifying before the House committee because accusations have surfaced that he has been quashing probes into Blackwater's activities overseas. During his testimony he addressed the "ugly rumors" that his brother, former CIA officer Buzzy Krongard, was on the Blackwater advisory board. Midway through his testimony Cookie was forced to "revise" his statements. He had just learned that, in fact, Buzzy was on the Blackwater board. Mon Dieu! One suspects that the conversation at Krongard family gatherings is confined to the plight of the Redskins and who's going to play Mariane Pearl in her next movie. I love this town! ___________________________________________________________________ Item Barry Bonds was inducted yesterday into a not-so-exclusive hall of fame. The honorees include Martha Stewart, Scooter Libby, G. Gordon Liddy and many others who have learned at their peril, what happens when you fib to federal policemen. For those of you who get all of your news from Jay Leno and Jon Stewart, Bonds was indicted for denying that he used performance enhancing drugs. Apparently the feds can prove otherwise. The moral of the story is, just because your medication can inflate your head to a size that rivals Mt. Rushmore doesn't mean that your brain gets larger. Presumably the investigation will also uncover transgressions by Sammy Sosa, Mark McGuire and others. The officials in Cooperstown are naturally relieved in that, they were unsure how the bust of these players would fit through the door.

...or is the Bush administration just testing our gag reflex?

The gang in the White House is once again reminding us how long eight years can really be. By this time next year we will at least know who will be replacing George the Lesser and his gaggle of incompetents. At this rate I'll take anybody...Ron Paul...RuPaul...Les Paul...Pope John Paul...anybody. Sunday was Veterans Day. This day, above all others, should have found Bush, Cheney and their minions hiding in an undisclosed location, possibly the same one they hid in during 9/11. The track record of the Bush Administration concerning the military (multiple tours in Iraq, Walter Reed medical care, lies about Jessica Lynch and Pat Tilman, paying Blackwater mercenaries ten times the pay of servicemen, no presidential attendance at any soldier's funeral), practically demands their silence. A moratorium on public pronouncements should have been observed with particular vigor by the Vice President. When it came his time to serve, Dick Cheney did everything but borrow one of Cpl. Klinger's dresses to avoid wearing his country's uniform. He dreamed up deferments that would have impressed Abbie Hoffman. George Bush might have had a little help sliding into the Texas Air National Guard but at least he served in some capacity. Cheney, then as now, left the fighting to others. Let's be frank. Many of us who served during the Vietnam era would have graciously declined the invitation had that been an option. Not too many were anxious to engage the population of Southeast Asia personally. Nevertheless there was a certain sense of national service that was passed down to my generation from the veterans of WW II (who were also our parents, neighbors and family friends). We may have opposed the war but no one hid in the basement or fled to Canada. (My opposition to the war intensified as my induction drew closer.) My father said that dissent was a privilege and must be earned. It's called putting some skin in the game. Guys like Ron Kovic and the Vietnam Veterans Against the War had more credibility in America than the protesters at the Democratic National Convention in 1968 because they had served. The concept of electing ex-servicemen to high office stems, in part, from the notion that those who have seen combat will be cautious when committing other to fight. Bill Clinton, the first modern President to have avoided military service, used his powers as Commander-in Chief only twice. The poorly conceived incursion in Somalia left both the President and the Army with a bloody nose. American forces committed to Bosnia fared better if only because the fighting had largely stopped before we arrived. Clinton was pressed constantly and correctly, over his draft evasion. But I digress. The Vice President, in an epic display of chutzpah, appeared at Arlington National Cemetery to spew meaningless cliches over the most hallowed ground in America. It's a wonder that the ghost of Gen. George C. Marshall didn't rise up and kick his ass off the property. Cheney spoke of freedom. "...free to live as we see fit, free to work, worship and speak our minds." Naturally, Mr. Cheney neglected to mention that his credo left the defense of those freedoms to others. He was otherwise occupied. However, Dick left a few "freedoms" out of his remarks. He might have included: free to avoid serving America in uniform but free to send thousands of other Americans to fight in your own agenda-driven war. free to endanger the lives of CIA agents in order to exact political retribution (see also Valerie Plame). freedom to distort the truth at every turn, whether the subject is WMD's or Pat Tilman's death. freedom to vilify gay people in America while professing to protect the privacy of your own lesbian daughter. I don't know an American veteran who doesn't look back on his service with pride. Whether or not any of us ever knew the dubious distinction of being shot at (I was spared that honor) we all sense that, at a time in America when the call went out, we answered, however reluctantly. During that time, the Vice President of the United States chose to remain silent. He should have the grace to continue that silence on Veteran's Day.

...does riding the express train cause you to miss the good stuff in the papers?

News of the day... Item The legal community of Islamabad is leading the fight against the recent dictatorial inclinations of General Pervez Musharraf of Pakistan. (When your leader's first name is "General" what can you expect?) There are several interesting aspects to this event. Considering the lack of billable hours available to the protesters, it's amazing that so many lawyers could be mobilized so rapidly. Also, one cannot help but be impressed that all the protesters are wearing suits. It's disturbing to realize that Pakistanis can march into the teeth of armed policemen and soldiers dressed better than Americans attending a job interview. in a related story The tap dance that the Bush administration is performing regarding Marshall law in Pakistan would qualify for Dancing with the Stars. Americans abhor a crackdown on free expression. However, since we are a little short of friends in the region, it wouldn't do to criticize one of the few we have left. After all, George W. just finished a complicated tango with the Turks. That deal went like this: as compensation for calling their ancestors murderers, we have approved a Turkish attack on the Kurds who are causing trouble in the southeast of Turkey.

The Kurds must be wondering what the Bush family has against them. After The Gulf War (the one that we won), Bush 41 encouraged the Kurds in northernIraq to rise up and overthrow the evil Saddam. When they tried, George H.W. allowed Saddam to fly his Army helicopters against the rebels. That one ended, Iraqi Strongman 1 - Kurds 0.

Now George the Lesser is green-lighting the Turks to hit the Kurds from the west. If Kurdistan ever becomes a country, the Bushes should be very wary of any invitation to visit.

________________________________________________________________________

Item

Under the heading "you really can't make this stuff up", Robert A. Singer was arrested at his Falls Church, VA home yesterday on charges of distributing child pornography. The arrest could jeopardize his job as (are you ready?) an executive at the National Children's Museum. This mope even used a computer registered to the Museum to send the pictures. Jesus. This is like learning that Michael Chertoff is secretly a card-carrying member of al Qaeda, or that Karl Rove is married to a man (not that there's anything wrong with that!).

_________________________________________________________________________

Item

Pope Benedict XVI played host to King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia this week in an historic first meeting for the two leaders. The Pope and the King immediately remarked on the similarities of their circumstances:

Both men wear dresses. (The Pope inquired of the King, "Who are you wearing?")

Both leaders broach no deviation from the strict adherence to the fundamental tenents of their respective religions (although the Pope did draw the line at beheadings.)

And most important, both men are trying to lead their respective flocks back to the tenth centurty.

It was unreported as to whether the two men traded team jerseys.

...or will issuing driver's licenses to illegals drive Eliot Spitzer crazy?

Can God create a puzzle that God can't solve? Can the Governor of New York create a puzzle that Hillary Clinton can't solve? How many Democratic Presidential Candidates can fit on the head of a pin? Weighty questions indeed! These are not, however, the issues that currently plague the Democratic Governor of New York. Instead, Gov. Spitzer is wondering which one of his aides to assassinate for suggesting the issuing of driver's licenses to New York's one million illegal residents (including about 50,000 Irish). This political hand grenade was clearly manufactured by the same company that gave Bill Clinton a stinkbomb called "Don't ask, don't tell". A fact or two is required before we proceed: First, Eliot Spitzer didn't dream up this bit of political suicide by himself. As of 2003, 15 states allowed undocumented "guests" to own a driver's license. Lest you think that the roster is comprised exclusively of blue-state lefties, think again. Idaho, Montana, North Carolina and Utah are on the list. Massachusetts is not. (The current number of states on the list is seven but isitjustme is too lazy to do all that research to discover which ones they are.) Second, the law enforcement community is mostly in favor of licensing everyone who drives a car. Because the task of mopping up America's highways falls to them, you can see their point. Better to have illegals trained, tested and licensed, with insurance, based on the theory that they will probably drive anyway. Cops may be Conservatives at heart but they are pragmatic. Also, a driver is less likely to leave the scene of an accident if they know that they won't end up calling AllState from Guatemala. The Governor's plan, to issue undocumented drivers a special license which will declare their status as illegal, addressed some of the concerns regarding voting and boarding a plane but why read the fine print when yelling "treason" is so much more fun? By the way, could someone, anyone please stuff a sock in Lou Dobbs' mouth. This boy is in serious need of Ritalin. The way he rants and goes all red-in-the-face on the subject of immigration, you'd think that all 12 million illegals moved into his condo complex. I wonder who cuts his lawn and cleans his toilets? No one is forgetting that there are 12 million folks at our party without an invitation. Many of these people work hard and live so far below the radar that no one knows how many are really here. We are faced with an issue that presents few good solutions. Conservatives, as usual, smell blood in the waters. Immigration will be the wedge issue in 2008 and the Karl Rove types will certainly paint Democrats as "soft on illegals". The driver's license issue in New York doesn't help. Democrats will need to get out in front of this or risk a repeat of 2000/2004. Sadly, many of my fellow citizens have the attention span of a Great Dane and a gut issue like illegal immigration can easily make them forget Katrina, Iraq (six years, 2900 Americans dead, no end in sight), and all of the myriad failures of Bush 43. Kansas will cling to any issue that will allow them to vote Red. The issue of illegals is too important to reduce to political sound bites. Everyone with an IQ of two digits understands that there is no quick fix. We need bipartisan solutions that are workable and address the long range goals of stopping millions of strangers from entering America illegally. Unfortunately we are entering an election year and the Republicans are in deep trouble. Don't expect any intelligent proposals in 2008. In the meantime, try to limit all your driving to New Jersey.

...or do Bush appointees, like celebrities, exit in three's?

If so then we have two more resignations to look forward to. In today's news we learned that Karen Hughes, Undersecretary of State for Public Diplomacy is leaving the administration, for the second time. In 2002 Ms. Hughes resigned her role as counselor to the President to return to Texas. Presumably Texas had fewer snakes. Karen is one of the last members of the Republican posse that rode in from the Lone Star State in 2001. By the time George W. begins his lonely ride into the sunset (445 days from now but, who's counting?), he will almost certainly be riding solo. The defection rate at 1600 Pennsylvania is a bit surprising. Why bother leaving now? Having served in the Bush administration, none of his appointees has a prayer of being elected to any office higher than Postmaster or offered a job by anyone other than Blackwater. Karen Hughes is resigning from what must arguably be the most difficult job in this administration. She had the thankless task of attempting to, somehow, resurrect the image of America throughout the world. It speaks volumes about the hubris of George W. Bush that, having personally supervised the destruction of American good will throughout the world (we currently rank just ahead of the clap), he would attempt to reverse that trend using tea parties and Cal Ripken, Jr. (In a recent NY Times, Harris poll even the most primitive societies understood that: a) America is the Great Satan and, b) Brittany Spears doesn't wear underwear.) Memo to George: They don't hate us for our freedom...or our MTV or our bluejeans. They hate us because you stride the world like a colossus, demanding that everyone think like Dick Cheney and threatening Armageddon if anyone opposes us. That's not diplomacy. That's thuggery. I'm not sure what Ms. Hughes thought she could accomplish on her trips to the Middle East, especially with American boots on the ground in the region. Her crusade against breast cancer was heroic and well intentioned, but with a 500-pound gorilla in the room (that pesky invasion) it's tough to get your audience to focus . Her campaign might have played a little better if she had warmed up in front of a audience that was a bit less hostile; say Ireland or Luxembourg. Diving straight into the icy waters of Turkey or Syria was, to say the least, naive. The truly sad part of Ms. Hughes' doomed-from-the-start mission was the clueless, tone-deaf President who sent her out there. Did George W. really believe that a guest appearance from a wealthy Republican mom from Texas would soften the hearts of women who live in servitude? Think Julie, the cruise director, on a slave ship. "I'm a mother just like you". Really? And how many children have you lost to starvation? At least she didn't break out the Mary Kay cosmetics and the Tupperware. This President has no hope of rebuilding our relationships with Europe or the Middle East or anybody else. He is the reason that American foreign policy is in tatters. His ham-handed threats and go-it-alone style are why leaders like Hugo Chavez and Emo Morales can be elected so easily. Just attack America in your speeches and you're a lock. If George W. Bush wants to see America's reputation in Europe rebound overnight...resign. I can tell you first-hand that it's not Americans that Europeans hate, it's the current American President. Friendship with GWB brought down a Prime Minister as popular as Tony Blair. If that's not toxic, what is? Anyway, best of luck to Karen Hughes. You have been a good friend to a President who knows how to reward loyalty...just ask Alberto Gonzales. The juicy post of Ambassador to Iraq may be available soon so, the next time you get an offer for a good job with lots of international travel, politely decline.

...or is listening to Dick Cheney a legal form of torture?

What year is this anyway? Are we really engaged in a Congressional debate about what constitutes torture? Is the country that champions the concept of freedom for everyone and fought wars against oppression, actually parsing whether inflicting intentional, premeditated suffering is justified as a interrogation technique? Is America so afraid of Islamic bogeymen that we would torch our Constitution and roll back human rights to concepts that were repudiated in the sixteenth century? Watching Judge Michael Mukasey attempt to dance between the raindrops at his confirmation hearing is truly disturbing. He was originally quoted as expressing repugnance at the idea that Americans would condone torturing prisoners. Now, however, the judge is having second thoughts. As Mukasey waffles about this vital issue,so does his support in the Senate. Once a virtual lock to be confirmed as the new Attorney General, Judge Mukasey is currently undergoing a little torture of his own. There is no ambiguity about what constitutes torture. If you are inflicting pain on a prisoner in order to elicit information, that's torture. Period. Waterboarding, thumb screws, the rack and extended sleep deprivation all amount to the same thing. Monty Python notwithstanding, no one expects the Spanish Inquisition. The incredible cynicism of this administration on this issue borders on the criminal. This gang of cowards actually thinks that torture is OK as long as we fly the prisoner to another country and allow client governments to do the deed. At least Saddam did his own dirty work. American veterans who witnessed first hand the consequences of state sponsored pain in Germany, are happily voting for Republicans who visit the same treatment on Muslims. If you think it's different, you're kidding yourself. What you hear as justification is, "We are torturing them because they attacked us on 9-11." Wrong! We are torturing them because they look like and worship like those who attacked us on 9-11. In 1942, we incarcerated 120,000 Japanese Americans for only one reason: fear. Attorney General Tom Clark, a loyal Democrat, gave the green light to the decision. Although America has apologized since, I suspect that most people at the time felt a bit better knowing that all those little almond-eyed devils were safely behind the wire in the western dessert. After all, they attacked us, didn't they? History has a way of occasionally making us look pretty stupid. (For reference please consult the history of America's Inquisition aka, The House Committee on Un-American Activities.) I suspect that a more enlightened generation in the future will read the transcripts of Judge Mucasey's hearing with bemusement. Were America's leaders really trying to quantify how much inflicted pain constitutes torture? Is the definition the same for women as men? Why would America even be torturing people? Didn't they know that the intel gathered at sword-point is unreliable? If George W. Bush thinks that waterboarding and other forms of torture are acceptable interrogation techniques, let him say so. Stop hiding behind your Attorney General's legal skirts and hold a press conference. "I come before you today to assert that the United States feels completely justified squeezing the gonads of any Middle Easterner who hates us for our freedom. I don't care what the Attorney General thinks." A speech like that could cause Kansas to ratify the repeal of the 22nd Amendment. (look it up) So in summation: Torture is wrong Torture is unconstitutional Torture produces bad, unreliable intelligence Only an Attorney General who recieved his law degree on-line from headupyourass.com would condone torture. Class dismissed.

...or is Monday all that untrustworthy?

Things you don't need to know: Item Former prison inmate Genarlow Wilson is a free man today. Mr. Wilson was a guest of the State of Georgia for more than two years, having been found guilty of receiving oral sex from a fifteen year old girl when he himself was only eighteen. Genarlow was all smiles as he emerged from the penitentiary saying that he holds no one to blame for the ten year sentence he received. The Georgia State Supreme Court gagged on the conviction,calling it grossly disproportionate to the crime. Mr. Wilson has stated that the next time he goes looking for love he will avoid the junior high schools and try the AARP web site. "If she ain't drawing social security, I pass" said Mr. Wilson. __________________________________________________________________________ Item The American Bar Association has recommended a moratorium on executions throughout the United States. While the ABA takes no formal stand on the death penalty, a study by the Association has concluded that sufficient problems exist in the administration of the death penalty. Poor DNA evidence control, faulty eye-witness testimony and pervasive racism all lead the ABA to their recommendation. Interestingly, many more whites are being executed than blacks. Once again whitey moves to the front of the line. The states that were reviewed include Alabama, Arizona, Georgia, Florida, Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania and Tennessee. When asked why Texas was not included in the study, an ABA spokesperson indicated that the group never likes to group amateurs with professionals. The ABA further suggested that the states dispatch a fact finding mission to Saudi Arabia (beheading with a sword) or Iran (stoning) to gather expertise on how executions should be performed. ___________________________________________________________________________ Item In a related story, a Moscow judge sentenced Alexander Pichushkin, the "chessboard killer", to life in prison for the murder of 40 people and the attempted murder of an additional three. It seems that those barbaric Ruskies have a moratorium on the death penalty. The law is still on the books but capital cases are shunned in practice, even for a man who killed 40 people. Pichushkin was called the chessboard killer due to his boast that he intended to murder one person for every square on the chessboard. He claimed to have killed 60 but the prosecution could not verify the total. When informed of this heinous crime, President George W. Bush expressed relief that Pichushkin wasn't a checkers player. __________________________________________________________________________ Item GAP, Inc. was shocked, shocked to learn that one of their subcontractors, an Indian company, was using child labor in their sweatshop in New Delhi. A spokesperson for GAP attributed the problem to a typo in the contract with the Indian firm. GAP understood that the children, some as young as ten, would be working in a "sweetshop". "We were misled from the start" said Marka Hansen,from GAP's New York headquarters. Ms. Hansen went on to assert that GAP would never do business with a sweatshop. "The sweat gets all over the jeans and makes them smell just awful. Our customers would never approve."

...or is FEMA in serious need of emergency management?

You would have thought that the Bush administration might have learned something/anything from that little rainstorm in New Orleans in Aug. 2005. The disaster photos from Louisiana and Mississippi, the deaths of 1,800 people, the trailers that never arrived, the attempt to prevent black people from crossing the Crescent City Connection by the Gretna, Louisiana police, all should have caused a serious reevaluation of how federal agencies respond to a disaster. Dream on, children.



Last week, Southern California lived through the worst series of fires in recent memory. 500,000 people were evacuated and 17 people died. Almost 800 square miles of forests and neighborhoods were scorched. Once again the Bush administration leapt into action. This time George's plane actually landed near the disaster site (as opposed to the fly-over in New Orleans). The President was quick to offer support although he stopped short of, "Arnold, you're doing a heck of a job".



The President might have complimented his current administrator of FEMA but he can be forgiven for not knowing his name. Who does? Actually it's R. David Paulison who, interestingly enough, is a career firefighter.



FEMA rushed in and immediately sprung to action... by holding a bogus press conference. Taking a page from the White House Communications Office playbook, FEMA announced a press conference at its Southwest Washington, D.C. headquarters about 15 minutes before it was to begin, making it unlikely that reporters could attend. They set up a telephone conference line so real reporters could listen (but not ask questions). The actual press conference was peopled with shills from FEMA who proceeded to ask softball questions designed to highlight FEMA's jackrabbit response to the California disaster. Naturally, none of the questioners were identified as FEMA employees.This sham was presided over by Vice Admiral Harvey E. Johnson, deputy administrator at FEMA. Having been outed, the Admiral has apologized. Presumably he's sorry he got caught.



And so we continue to live under the most inept, tone-deaf, duplicitous gang of administrators since The Gang Who Couldn't Shoot Straight. They lied about Saddam, they lie about the death toll in Iraq (if you're shot in the chest, you're not a war casualty), they ignored the victims of Katrina and they refuse to listen to the deafening shouts of Americans to bring the troops home. I guess it's tough to hear anything over the applause from your own employees. George, you're doing a heck of a (snow)job.

...or is the moral high ground really a valley?

We can remain silent no longer. When, in the course of human events, an incident occurs that demands response, it is incumbent upon every person of conscience to stand up and be counted. Thankfully, Congress is meeting that challenge. And what is this burning event that has moved our leadership to action?

America's disastrous foreign policy?

The constant strain of illegal immigration?

The scourge of MoveOn.org?

The outrageous cost of Springsteen tickets?

No. Your brave legislators are embroiled in a titanic struggle to decide whether the forced relocation of the Armenians by the Turks in 1915 amounted to genocide.

For an American population fuzzy on its own history ( many young Americans think the U.S. fought alongside the Germans in WW II), questions like "What's an Armenian?" and, "Is Turkey really a country too?" abound. The real question regarding this arcane resurrection of Byzantine history is: " Why, in 2007, is Congress debating the labeling of atrocities committed 90 years ago?

Seemingly for the same reason that you can't buy a decent Cohiba in America. A few vocal constituents living in a few legislative districts have applied enough pressure on their Congresspeople to force their beliefs/prejudices/grudges on all the rest of us.

Just in case you slept through your World History class or were out sick the day they covered World War I, the history goes something like this. Armenia (when there was an Armenia) was situated on the Eastern border of Turkey. At the outbreak of The Great War in 1914 the Turks were uncomfortable having a Russian ally on their Eastern flank (Turkey was pulling for the Kaiser; Russia was playing for the Brits and the French). The Turks decided to "relocate" the Armenians to Syria (you might wish to consult a map). This relocation was accomplished with the same compassion as the Bataan Death March. Of the approximately 1.5 million Armenians involved, more than 600,000 did not survive the trip.

Turkey claims that, in war, stuff happens. The Armenians (what's left of them) assert that this was a Turkish excuse to exterminate the entire population. Now, 92 years later, we hear from the United States. Thanks to bipartisan stupidity from a gaggle of California congresspeople, there is legislation in the House to officially define Turkey's action as genocide. This would be funny if it weren't so dumb.

Turkey is maybe the only friend America has in the Middle East. Considering a 95% Muslim majority in Turkey, that's a pretty cute trick. Why would the U.S. Congress want to stick a finger in the eye of such a vital ally while we have soldiers in harms way in the region? Even George W. Bush, who never misses an opportunity to miss an opportunity, thinks that this is a goofy thing to be doing.

The bill was approved out of committee by a 27-21 vote. Hopefully the full House will let this ill-conceived foolishness die a natural death. Then Congress can begin the more important debate regarding the Rape of the Sabine Women or the salting of the fields of Carthage. (You'll need more than a map for that one. You'll need a time machine.)

We live in an age of apology. The Pope apologizes to the Jews because the Catholic Church sat out the Holocaust. America (presumably white America) has apologized to black America for slavery. Sadly, the Turks appear disinclined to follow this trend. Perhaps America should do what America does best - offer money. George W. is spending a gizzillion dollars in the region as it is. What's another billion or two?

As for Turkey, next time you want to eradicate a pesky population, do it right. Call Erik Prince at Blackwater.

...or does George W. Bush live in a parallel universe?

Seriously!

The President was quoted this week on the subject of climate change. He said, "Our guiding principle is clear. We must lead the world to produce fewer greenhouse gas emissions, and we must do it in a way that does not undermine economic growth or prevent nations from delivering greater prosperity for their people." Translation: This administration is solidly behind any solution to climate change that doesn't harm Halliburton, (Cheney would never approve), or any of his polluting, corporate friends. One suspects that the only climate change that George W. is aware of is the noticeable chill he gets when he checks his approval rating.
But it is not by words alone that a man be judged but by his deeds. So let's take a look at the environmental record of this administration.

Florida had barely swept up all the chads from the counting room floor before George and his gang set to work heating up the planet by torching the Kyoto Accords. As with most global compromises, Kyoto had something in it for everyone to hate. Mostly, as the largest consumer of fossil fuels, the United States was required to do a lot of pollution reduction. Never mind that there would have been a considerable benefit to Americans in the form of cleaner air. American business was uninterested in being told to clean up its act. The United States would never have had to actually do anything. Just signing the documents would have made us look like a responsible world citizen.

However, an administration of cowboys and clueless, cultural conservatives has a different view. The world is America's sandbox and screw everyone else.



To show the new administration's commitment to the environment, George nominated Gail Norton to the post of Interior Secretary. Gail came to the job with considerable experience, having served as the PR flack for the timber industry. Gail proceeded to feed every piece of land and tree-saving legislation she could locate into a wood chipper. Gail abruptly left Washington just ahead of some awkward questions regarding an embarrassing "donation" from Smilin' Jack Abramoff. Jack probably needed approval to build a hotel/casino on the rim of the Grand Canyon.

Christine Todd Whitman became Bush's chief of the Environmental Protection Agency. Christine, a native of New Jersey, knew a bad smell when she smelled it and, having discovered that her primary role in the cabinet was to shut up and make the coffee, she quickly departed. Christine was replaced by (Hands, please. Anybody?) ...Stephen Johnson. Mr. Johnson maintains a profile that's so low his picture is now appearing on milk cartons in the EPA cafeteria. His background is scientific thus he spends his days dispensing antibiotics to the pigeons on the Mall lest they contract bird flu.

Thus we have an administration that has disabled or ignored every bit of environmental legislation since the ban on leaded gas. Now that Al Gore has an Oscar, and Emmy and a Nobel Prize (Can you imagine how much that frosts the White House?) because of his work on climate change, George has discovered the great outdoors.

You have to wonder whether this President thinks that we are the stupidest, most clueless people on the planet. Well, come to think of it, why wouldn't he? We elected him to the office...twice. If that's not clueless, what is?

...or is our health insurance system in the pink?

Now I know that you think this is just another diatribe about the human political pretzel, Rudy Giuliani. You remember Rudy, the New York Liberal who is now doing the Jerry Falwell two-step. It was Rudy who recently explained to a gathering of the NRA that, while the towers were falling on 9-11 he was saying to himself, "if everyone owned a hand gun this might not have happened". This guy's got faster feet than Larry Craig (rim shot!). I can't imagine why everyone is so upset about Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's attempt to visit Ground Zero. Frankly, when it comes to exploiting 9-11, Mahmoud has to get in line behind Rudy and George W.

But that's not the topic for today, boys and girls. Today's sermon is about an epiphany; specifically, mine. I have seen the light. Glory hallelujah.

I was sitting in a waiting room in a doctor's office, referral in hand, when it hit me. Our system of health insurance is really the best in the world. Screw the French. Socialized medicine is for wimps, commies and Hillary Clinton. America has it going on. If you have health coverage in America, you're golden. If you don't, tough beans. Stop whining and get a second job. Why should I pay for a bunch of slackers and people whose immigration status is questionable at best? I'm already paying for their malt liquor and their welfare Cadillacs.

This concept of privatization is the best idea America has come up with since the electoral college. And we have it all to ourselves. No other civilized country has a system like ours. All that's missing is the collective will to expand the concept.

We can start by changing the fire and police systems in American towns to a more entrepreneurial concept. Under this plan, anyone who wants fire and police protection should buy an individual insurance policy. Then, when your kitchen goes up in flames or someone breaks in and steals your 357 Magnum, you just call your friendly neighborhood fire dept or police dept. (don't forget to have a $20 on hand for the co-pay). If you're covered, they respond. If not, don't worry. There is always the "free" public police/fire dept. available for the uninsured. Of course, they are located twelve towns away and they may not respond until next month but, hey, it's free. Hell, why should I pay for police protection for the very people who commit most of the crimes..the poor? Why should I be responsible for the cost of fire response for dummies that have barbecues in their living rooms?

We need new bumper stickers that say "America for Americans...with money" or "The Only Free Ride in My Country is Back Across the Border".

My plan should receive considerable support from the average American. Most of the people who don't have health insurance are hard working folks in low-end jobs. They don't just shop at WalMart, they also stock the shelves and punch the cash registers.

Ironically, these are the very same people who profess to hate Hillary Clinton and all she stands for. These sons and daughters of the red states will pull a lever against gay marriage but not for someone trying to help them. They would rather believe the neo-con nutjobs who spread fear of increased taxes and two week waits at the emergency room. Well, my plan will lower their taxes by lowering the cost of local services. What could be more Republican than that? Fewer calls for help...fewer cops, fewer patrol cars. Infrequent fire dept responses cuts down on hose fatigue.

If you think that this sounds a cynical rant, remember that we have privatized many services that were once provided exclusively by local and national governments. Many prisons are now run by large corporations as is garbage collection. Packages once delivered by the post office now come via FedEx.

So the next time you're sitting around your doctor's waiting room perusing a copy of Leeches Today, remember how lucky we are here in America. We live in a land where doctors can make seven figure incomes while working fewer hours than George Bush. We have a system that practically demands that we work for large companies because the cost of private health coverage would choke Bill Gates. Ours is a country where being poor or underemployed is considered a social disease and a potentially fatal one.

But smile, my friends. We have health insurance. We have no worries...and apparently no conscience.

...or is Blackwater just a little scary?

Just in case you haven't been following all the interesting news coming out of Iraq and Washington, here are a few tidbits.

You may have seen the name Blackwater, in the news lately. Blackwater, USA is a private security firm in the employ of your friendly neighborhood US State Dept. They earn 90% of their revenue from your federal government; 2/3 of which is under no-bid contracts. These contract cowboys have at least 30,000 armed men on the ground in Iraq. (Some say it's closer to 100,000. Good luck finding out.) They operate with virtually no oversight and with no code of conduct. They are a shadow army, paid ten times what a US serviceman gets. Their presence allows George W. Bush to lie about troop strength and the need for more American soldiers.

Recently, the killing of eight Iraqi civilians by these "heros" caused Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki to banish the company from his country. Sadly, Mr. al-Maliki was under the mistaken impression that he was in charge in Iraq. Not so. Within a week the boys of Blackwater were back on the job. So much for democracy, the rule of law and all the rest of the bilge that America appears so eager to export. Good luck winning hearts and minds when you have an army of unrestrained assains undoing any the good the American military might be doing.

The fact that we have turned this band of cut-throats loose in Iraq is a disgrace. What exactly happens to this mercenary army after Iraq? Oh, of course! What was I thinking? There is no "after Iraq".



Another item that may have escaped your notice is the pending trial of Army Spec. Jorge Sandoval. Spec. Sandoval is an American soldier who, until recently, was employed as a sniper in Iraq. Sandoval's court martial for premeditated murder arose from a practice called "baiting". It seems that the Army has created a nifty new unit called the Asymmetric Warfare Group. These creative characters issue spools of wire, metal pieces and AK-47 rounds to sharpshooters in order to induce Iraqis to betray themselves as terrorists. They leave this stuff in the road and if a local shows interest in the item, bang, another evil doer bites the dust.

If this practice isn't scary enough, consider the specifics of the case of Spec. Sandoval. To insure that the shooting of a civilian on April 27, 2007 wouldn't be questioned, he and Staff Sgt. Michael Hensley planted a coil of wire on the body. Nice, eh?

Let's be clear. Second guessing the actions of soldiers in the field is a crummy thing to do. These young men and women are in harm's way everyday. In a place where you can't tell the good guys from the bad, civilians will get shot. Spec. Sandoval should not be on trial for following orders. The person who should be in the stocks is the head of the Asymmetric Warfare Group. He should be charged in the same indictment as the commander of Abu Ghraib and the guy running the Renditions program. (Don't you just love the clever names like "Asymmetric" and "Renditions"that hide the dirty deeds?) And while we're at it, how about a subpoena for Dick Cheney and Don Rumsfeld?





War doesn't excuse everything. You can't start a civil war in someone else's country and then use methods that would make Stalin blush. Americans don't snatch people off the streets of other countries. We don't torture prisoners first and let them go after we're satisfied that they don't know anything. We don't leave "bomb pieces" in the road and shoot the first dope that picks them up. If we do these things, why did we bother to depose and execute Saddam?

...or is Rudy Giuliani much to do about not much?

Quiz: Who was the base commander at Pearl Harbor on Dec 7th, 1941? Who was the mayor of Johnstown, PA when the dam broke in 1889? Who was the mayor of Oklahoma City in 1995 when the Murrah Federal Building blew up? Who was the mayor of New York in Feb,1993 when Ramzi Yousef exploded 1,500 lbs of dynamite under the World Trade Center? When choosing the person best qualified to run the country, the correct answer for all four questions is, "Who cares". Why then, are we so taken with the guy who was mayor of New York when disaster struck in 2001? Because he gives good press conference? Frankly, I'd rather have a leader who had a few answers before the attack or who was somehow prepared for trouble.(Establishing your Emergency Control Center inside the WTC after it had already been marked as a target is not "preparing for trouble"). If all I wanted in a leader was a guy who looked mournful and indignant while standing in the rubble, we could elect Lonesome George again. I don't hear anyone suggesting that Ray Nagen of New Orleans run for president. Mayor Nagen had to actually do something. He had a much more difficult job because many of his victims were still alive and in desperate need. Electing Rudy Giuliani to the presidency based on his performance during 9/11 would be like electing Capt E. J. Smith of the Titanic as head of the White Star Shipping Line. If you avert disaster you're a hero. If you capitalize on disaster you're a swine. Not to paint too dark a picture here but prior to 9/11 Rudy was the laughing stock of New York. The stories of his extra-marital affair ( out #2 - in # 3) was daily fodder for the New York Post. Rudy was worth about $2 million on 9/10/01. Since the towers fell, America's mayor is a rock star. He is conservatively worth about $60 million and just last year cleared $11.4 million in speaking fees. He also has an honorary knighthood from the Queen. I suspect that Elton John will someday compose a song about him. Why not? They have the same hair dresser. But you gotta love a guy who marries his second cousin (wife #1) then fifteen years later, after canoodling soon-to-be-wife #2, appeals to the Roman Catholic Church to have the marriage annulled because he didn't know that his wife was his second cousin. You can't make this stuff up. Who did he think she was at all those family reunions...the caterer? But wait! We are told that Rudy did far more for New York than attend the funerals of policemen and firemen. While leader of New York from 1994 to 2001, America's Mayor reduced crime in a city that was thought to be beyond hope. Well, if a drop in the crime stats is the Giuliani legacy than why is there no grass roots effort to draft former Mayor Sharpe James of Newark, N.J.? His crime record is far superior to that of Mayor Rudy. (The fact that he committed many of the crimes himself is beside the point). Tom Bradley of Los Angeles saw crime decline in his city during the same period and Bradley had Rodney King to deal with. One helper that Mayors James and Bradley did not have in their war on crime was Bernie Kerik. Non-New Yorkers may not remember Mr Kerik. He was the Horatio Alger-esque detective who rose from being Mr. Giuliani's driver to the rank of Commissioner of the Department of Corrections. Mr. Kerik recently plead guilty to corruption charges and is currently facing federal tax and conspiracy allegations. This guy could swing the crime rate all by himself. If the idea of electing Rudy Giuliani to the office of President is strange, then the idea of nominating him as a Republican is downright bizarre. Only in New York , home of the liberal wing of the Republican Party (long deceased) would Rudy Giuliani be considered a Republican. Consider: He has been married three times. The first two ended by extramarital affairs. As stats go he is approaching Henry VIII. He supports a women's right to chose. (For the dummies at Liberty University that means he's pro abortion.) He's pro gun control. (That should wow 'em in Texas.) In two of his mayoral campaigns he ran on the Liberal party ticket. (Take that, Hilary!) In 1997 he was endorsed by The New York Times. (Those commies!) He's pro gay. Hell, he's got more photos of himself in women's clothes than Dame Edna. His law firm has lobbied for stem cell research. This guy is to the left of Denis Kucinich. How the religious right will be able to swallow this heathen is anybody's guess. Given a choice between Rudy and Hilary, I imagine that they will opt for a Jim Jones Kool-Aid Cocktail. Come to think of it, this is the perfect guy to follow in the footsteps of GWB. After the hash that this administration has made of American-European relations, Rudy is the perfect antidote. With his reputation in the sack, the French will treat him like the next Jerry Lewis.

...or is Don Rumsfeld just scary/crazy?

There are no slow news days, just lazy bloggers. Just when you were all prepared to hear Gen. Petraeus tell you that another ten years or so of American interference in Iraq ought to bring stability, maybe, along comes Don. You may remember former Secretary of State Donald Rumsfeld as the appleheaded architect of America's stunning victory in the Middle East. Mr. Rumsfeld, thankfully retired from government service, is quoted in an article for GQ (Governmental Quagmire?) that Afghanistan is a "big success". That's more than can be said for Donald Rumsfeld. Don must have gone long on poppies this season because the only success in Afghanistan is in the opium trade. Apparently Don has forgotten the cardinal rule "Don't get high on your own supply". To be fair, Afghanistan is a big success... if you are a member of the Taliban. It's not like the "coalition of the browbeaten" is around to enforce the law. There are more soldiers at the St. Patrick's Day parade in New York than in Afghanistan. President Karzai controls about two zip codes in Kabul. The Taliban, war lords and various assorted evil-doers are running the rest. Bin Laden is opening a Club Med in Tora Bora. Mullah Omar is starting a minor league baseball team; the Kandahar Kushmen. But let us not discount Donald Rumsfeld. It was our Secretary of Defense who told every soldier at the Pentagon above the grade of sergeant to shut up when they advised him that 120,000 troops were not nearly enough to pacify the Sunnis and Shais once Saddam was history. His many insightful quotes during his cabinet tenure will surely be writ large when the legacy of George "The Decider" Bush is recorded. Remember his response to a reporter who inquired as to why no effort was made to prevent the looting of Iraqi historical treasures? Rumsfeld boldly asserted, "stuff happens". Or who could forget his omniscient prediction on how long the Iraq incursion would last? In Feb. of 2003 he opined, "It is unknowable how long that conflict will last. It could last six days, six weeks. I doubt six months." Move over Nostradamus. And how's this for profound: "Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me because, as we know there are known knowns; there are things we know we know.We also know that there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we know that we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns; the ones we don't know we don't know." Boy, what government agency wouldn't be proud to have that baby chiseled into their entry lintel? This man should be in jail for the criminal waste of 3,500 American lives. He has shown nothing but contempt for anyonewho doesn't see his warped vision of the future. I'm sure his stay at the Hoover Institute is assured because he clearly understands how to suck the energy out of anything he touches.

...or do really strange things surface in August?

Item Just when you thought it was safe to use the men's room in the Minneapolis airport... No sooner do we get rid of Congressmen Degenerate from Florida ( that would be Mark Foley for those of you with ADD) when we are confronted with Senator Pervert from Idaho. Senator Larry Craig has a perfectly reasonable explanation for signaling his stallmate in the airport lav. He wasn't using the code sign for "how about a little pitcher/catcher 'til they call our flight?" No. He was just spreading out, getting comfortable, making good use of the space available. If he tapped the shoe of his neighbor, well, it was just his restless leg syndrome. The explanation could have been worse. He could have asserted that, having exhausted the supply of t.p. on his side of the wall, he was merely asking for two five's for a ten. The Senate coat closet must hardly have room inside for a coat. Why is it always the most self righteous big mouth (may be a poor choice there) who turns out to be skulking in the closet? Mark Foley, Ted Haggard, David Vitter and all of the myriad repressed "sinners" are delighted to tell the rest of us how to live. Let he who is without sin cast the first condom. Anyway it won't be long before you will be able to purchase the new line of Larry Craig shopping bags at airport souvenir stands. Just give them your shoe size and you're on your way. _________________________________________________________________________ Item A new study by the Trust for America's Health finds that Mississippi is the fattest state in the country with an obesity rate in excess of 30%. Alabama, West Virginia, Arkansas and Louisiana are waddling right behind. I find it fascinating that all five of these states are firmly in the Red column. All of them supported GWB twice. Mississippi also has 350 fewer libraries than the national average and ranks 49 out of 50 on the "Smart State" Meter. This is not a coincidence. Consider, if you will, the similarities between George W. Bush and glazed donuts: both look nice in a homey, sugary way. both are devoid of benefit (Think "empty calories...empty suit"). both tend to be chosen without much thought. both are bad for you. We can fix this if we try (Not the voting record... the chubbiness) . Instead of driving down to Walmart Saturday in your SUV with the Presidents Fitness Council bumper sticker, try walking to a book store or a library. (A longer walk in Mississippi.) At the very least, if you're going to Wendy's, park in the Burger King lot and walk over. Reintroduce your family to the vegetable. We weren't raised on fast food and packaged junk. Why are we doing this to our kids? It's like smoking. Stop it! _________________________________________________________________________ Item Michael Vick and Alberto Gonzales pleading guilty in the same week. What are the odds. Well, OK "Guantanamo Al" didn't exactly plead guilty but you don't leave a cushy job in a lame duck administration unless you did something really bad. Al must have called in sick the day that Karl Rove was teaching the "How to Bullshit a Congressional Committee" course. He gave a worse performance than if Steven Segal did "Death of a Salesman". So with 17 months remaining in the endless presidency of GWB, all of the Texas Mafia from 2000 has headed for the tall timbers. Well maybe not all. Dick Cheney has hung a "gone hunting" sign on his door. Karen Hughes is still around but she's busy trying to find some world leader that will risk a photo-op with the American President. Most would rather pose with Michael Vick. ___________________________________________________________________ Item In case you missed it, the poppy crop in Afghanistan has hit a record for the second year in a row. Those guys in the Taliban may be lousy as museum curators but they're aces in agriculture. If we could teach them to grow corn, Afghanistan could become an energy producing country, not to mention the manufacturer of the munchies to accompany the drugs. ___________________________________________________________________ Item George W. Bush has found New Orleans. I guess that it wasn't too difficult considering that it looks pretty much the same as it did two years ago. In a display of presidential chutzpa for which this administration is world famous, Sensitive George visited the Crecent City yesterday on the anniversary of that little storm thing that happened two years ago. You have to be impressed with a president that asks Congress for $50 billion we don't have, to fight a losing war in Iraq but can't seem to locate a few bucks to restore one of America's crown jewels. Mayor Ray Nagen is considering publishing a report that there are weapons of mass distruction in the French Quarter. At least then the army might show up.

...or are there things you were better off not knowing?

Item Atlanta councilman C.T. Martin is proposing a new law. He wants all Jockeys invisible in public (presumably exclusive of small people who ride horses for a living). His proposed addition to the indecency laws would impose a fine on anyone showing his or her unmentionables in public. (The possibility of leaving the men's room with your fly down was not addressed nor was inadvertently tucking your skirt into the back of your knickers.) This is another example of a public official with way too much time on his hands. Councilman Martin is just another straight arrow trying to join the race with New York and Chicago competing for the "Let's Be Singapore" award. Apparently it has escaped C.T.'s notice that most of the kids wearing their baggies around their knees are black teenagers. Because he too is African American, he apparently feels it's OK to pass laws that target black males. After all, it's OK for Jackie Mason to lampoon Jews, right? Don't the Atlanta cops have enough excuses for hassling black kids? To ensure that girls don't feel left out, Councilman Martin's fashion police will also be on the lookout for exposed bra straps and telltale thongs. Looks like Madonna won't be playing the Georgia Dome any time soon. Brandy Chastain, put your shirt on! It seems clear that Mr. Martin grew up on a planet where kids didn't do everything humanly possible to enrage their parents and any authority figures they could find. The whole point of wearing long hair (the 60's), bell bottoms (the 70's), earrings on boys (the 80's) was to incite adults to shake their heads and sigh "these kids today..." The only possible reason for showing America half your backside would be to make a "statement." Sadly that statement is usually, "I'm really not as dumb as these pants make me look." The original idea for the droopy-drawers look comes from the penitentiary where they take away your shoelaces and belt. Mr. Martin has decided that prison is not the place from which to glean fashion statements. Whether we agree or not is wholly irrelevant. These kids will outgrow this affectation the same way we all did... when we need to get a job (unless your future employer is Fruit of the Loom). Meanwhile, should C.T. succeed, his next ordinance will levy a $50 fine for anyone wearing a baseball cap with the bill facing anywhere but forward, and an outright ban on wearing hood ornaments and household appliances as fashion accessories. We'll clean the little bastards up yet! ___________________________________________________________________ Item It was announced recently that Jenna Bush, daughter of President George W. Bush, will soon be marring Henry Hager of Virginia. With Karl Rove gone from the White House, it was unclear from whom young Henry sought the hand of the fair Jenna. Plans for the wedding have been left in the capable hands of Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney. They have indicated that the actual ceremony will be over fairly quickly but as to what comes after they have no earthly idea. ___________________________________________________________________ Item Isitjustme would never forget a friend so here's the latest on The Reverend Ted Haggard. You may remember Rev. Ted from such songs as "I May Be a Big Man in the God Game But I'll Never Leave My Friend's Behind". (Sorry!) Ted has decided, along with his wife, (the female one) to return to academia and pursue a degree in counseling and psychology. He then plans to move to The Phoenix Dream Center (I kid you not!) and begin a career in counseling. Considering Ted's religious devotion to methamphetamine, one would imagine that he had already spent too much time at the Dream Center. Reverend Haggard is passing the collection plate among friends and former parishioners for financial support while he completes his education at the University of Phoenix. (Isn't that like YouTube University?) Apparently the wages of sin weren't enough to support a return to college. The royalties from his books and videos have been a little light lately. Getting busted for drugs and hiring male prostitutes can really put a crimp in the old revenue hose when your message is "Follow me to the moral high ground". We're pulling for you Rev.

...or does the news sometimes put you in a funk?

Occasionally I despair of my fellow man. Have any of you heard the name Kia Vaughan? Would only that it could remain thus. Ms. Vaughan is or was a member of the Rutgers Womens Basketball Team. This is the same group of young women that were so cruelly maligned by Don Imus on his radio program last April. Not content with Imus' apology and subsequent banishment from his radio gig, sweet Kia is suing Imus, Bernard McGirk (Imus' producer and sidekick), and CBS Radio, Viacom, MSNBC, NBC Universal and presumably, Gugliemo Marconi, the guy who gets credit for inventing the radio. Greed aside (and this is all about greed) let us review the facts in the case. Imus made a tasteless, unkind remark about a group of people. No one was named. No woman singled out. Aside from their parents, the coach and the other players, no one, and I mean no one has the vaguest idea who plays womens basketball for Rutgers. The team's success in the NCAA tournament raised their profile to approximately that of the wrestling team at Iowa or the Olympic fencing team. Question one: can a reasonably anonymous person, defamed as part of a group, willfully shed their anonymity and then claim defamation? Michael Wilbon of the Washington Post suggests that this case only flies if Judge Sharpton is presiding. Question two: Is a person's reputation damaged more by the off-handed slur of a radio shock jock or by filing a multimillion lawsuit over the incident? Side issues include: What if the crack had been made by Charlie Joiner? What if the entire student body of Howard University had been defamed? We will all cringe when this gold-digging tootsie settles out of court and goes on to write a book about the humiliation she suffered at the hands of "Mr. Whitey". Considering that a whore is someone who sells themselves for money, Imus might have actually gotten it half right. On the subject of greed, Virginia Tech University is awarding the families of students murdered in the April 16 massacre, approximately $180,000 each. The money was collected as donations from people all over the country. Now, some of the family members are planning to meet to see if this arrangement meets with their approval. Really? Someone needs to explain to me when this country became immersed in the tragedy/entitlement lottery. I suspect that 9/11 put us over the top. Families with million dollar bank accounts and multimillion dollar insurance policies were griping because the $2 million that they received from the Sept. 11th relief fund wasn't enough. Allocations were made based on future earning potential rather than need. I never did hear what the survivors of the store clerks and cigarette shop owners got but I'll bet it wasn't $2 million. Some New York City Fire Fighters and EMT workers are still being short changed. I understand charity and the money that Americans donated should make all of us proud but when people start lobbying for more and more I start to squirm. Why do people feel entitled to a payday if a loved one is involved in a tragedy? If your husband /wife was killed in a car wreck on the way to the WTC on 9/11/2001 you got squat. The family of a private killed in Iraq gets a max. of $650,000. Anyway, I'm sure that the Virginia Tech families and the University will reach an agreement. I am equally sure that someone will feel cheated and sue. Maybe Kia Vaughan's lawyers are available.

...or should Americans stop shouting about being the greatest and become great again?

Sorry, Texas! Americans have lost their claim to being the tallest country on Earth. According to John Komlos, of the University of Munich (assuming you can trust those Germans), the Dutch are now about two inches taller than your average American. Robert Fogel of the University of Chicago states, "It's a puzzle to which we really don't have a good answer". In the absence of reliable scientific data, isitjustme would like to trot out a few hypotheses. We began to shrink on the world stage about the time that George W. Bush became president. Laugh if you will but fact are facts. The first thing Mr. Bush did was to withdraw America from participation in the Kyoto Accords. The entire world was grappling with runaway energy use and climate change and the biggest pig at the trough decided to opt out.I'm sure that the president's history with the oil industry and his family's sleeping with the Saudis played no part in his decision. Since then the administration has focused all of its energy on forcing allies and enemies alike to bend to our will. Why strive for consensus when you can use force? Why elicit support for policies when you can just shove them down everyone's throat? All of that bullying works for a while but sooner or later someone pushes back. Europe isn't the paper tiger that it was after WWII and compared to China's army, our armed force is a rounding error. Besides, China doesn't have to fight us, they just have to call in the loans and our economy starts to look like David Crosby's liver. The Bush administration has been singing the same song for six+ years; we know best and the rest of the world is stupid. Meanwhile the rest of the world is laughing up their sleeves at our flailing around in Iraq. It will take the next president years to restore American prestige abroad. He/she will spend all of their time bouncing from capital to capital saying things like "Sorry about that arrogant jerk that was around here before. He's gone now". Face it America, we're living on our reputation. We can't make a car that anyone wants to buy. We profess to a desire to stop illegal immigration but we employ almost all of the 12 million illegals that are here. Our infant mortality rate ranks 41st, just ahead of Croatia. Life expectancy in the US is 77.9 years, 42nd in the world. We think our health care is so damn good but in an eight country comparison, we ran dead last in death from respiratory disease and diabetes. These stats are not likely to improve as the boomers age. The administration wants to take credit for the drug coverage bill but won't explain why the government was prohibited from negotiating the price of the meds. You can thank the Republican-controlled house for that one too. No wonder Americans are shorter. We 're carrying around the legacy of George W. Bush. That load would make anyone sag.

...or should we wait before shoveling dirt on Karl Rove?

It is sooooo tempting. The person who raised Prince of Darkness to a cabinet post is calling it quits. The man most responsible for handing America George W. Bush has resigned his post as co-president/Rasputin to the White House's emptiest suit. Presumably he will slink back to hell or whatever moldy rock he crawled out from under. He can certainly leave with clean hands. He will not be the man that history remembers as the architect of the debacle in Iraq. The blood of 3,600 Americans and 75,000 Iraqis won't be on his conscience. Quotes like, "They will treat us like liberators", and " The oil revenues will pay for the war" will not be attributed to Mr. Rove. "Mission Accomplished" might have been his but, you'll never know it. As "the guy behind the guy" Rove is free to flit away to inflict yet more damage to America's prestige and status. Rove told Paul Gigot that he would have left last year but, after the Congressional hosing that the administration received in '04, Karl didn't want to leave on a sour note. That's actually funny. This is the guy responsible for more sour notes than your high school band in their tribute to John Williams. If you want to know why every thinking American (defined as those who vote regularly for the enlightened Democratic party) hates Karl Rove, I'll tell you...he beat the Democrats bloody every time and made it look easy. Hell, we helped him. The Rove saga begins in 1970. While a student at the University of Utah, Rove worked for the Republican party landing a job helping GOP candidates in Illinois. In Karl's case "helping" involved breaking into the campaign offices of Alan Dixon ( running for senator) and stealing 1,000 sheets of official campaign stationary. He then used the paper to print flyers promising free beer, food and girls to anyone attending a Dixon rally. The flyers were distributed at rock concerts and homeless shelters. His playbook for elective politics includes sifting through a candidate's garbage, a job he presumably reserves for himself. Rove has had two wives, no degree despite enrolling in several universities, and naturally, no military service. What he has is a history of dirty tricks and barely legal antics across 35 years of political puppeteering. This guy would make Chuck Colson blush. He's Dick Tuck without the leprechaun charm. Isitjustme is unable to provide background for all obscure historical references. Please Google any obscure people or incidents at your leisure. Rove really came into his own when he was asked to help defeat Ann Richards, the reasonably popular Democratic Governor of Texas in 1994. Karl had a somewhat spotty record as a political consultant up to that point. He helped John Ashcroft win a Senate seat in 1994 but six years later he assisted Ashcroft in his loss to a dead guy. Anyway, George W. Bush was the ideal candidate for Karl Rove; all hat no cattle. In George W., Rove saw a famous name attached to an affable, dopey cowboy that was never going to be invited to a Mensa clambake. Karl knew that as long as George stayed on script (and off the sauce) the sky was the limit. During the Texas campaign in 1994, Rove disguised political operatives as pollsters. They would contact voters and inquire as to whether they would vote for Gov. Richards if they knew that her administration was dominated by lesbians. Cute! Much to her ultimate chagrin, Governor Richards never took li'l George too seriously. One year later he was in the governor's mansion and she was selling Frito's in a super bowl commercial with Mike Dukakis. In the 2000 presidential race Karl knew that he had a winner in George W. Bush. All he had to do was flatten all of the other candidates. However, things were gloomy after the first few primaries. John McCain, war hero and tough campaigner, was winning. No problem. Before the South Carolina primary Rove masterminded an appeal to the Palmetto State's first love....racism. While George W. was speaking at Bob Jones University (the christian school that prohibited interracial dating) Rove's minions were telling SC residents that John McCain had fathered an interracial child. Is this guy a charmer or what? The rest is just more of the same. He chaired the White House Iraq Group whose mission was to sell the invasion of Iraq to the American people. Working with those Defender of the Truth, Dick Cheney and Don "generals don't know shit about war" Rumsfeld, America was sold the largest pile of camel droppings since Lawrence of Arabia. When New York was attacked, we wanted to strike back and old Karl was right there with a target. In 2004 George W. Bush was running for re-election on a train wreck of failed international policies. Once again it was Karl Rove to the rescue. In a political maneuver that may go on record as the best ever, Rove was able to turn John Kerry's valorous war record and three purple hearts into what has now become the most popular term in low-blow politics, "swift-boating". Still, we should not be too quick to consign Karl Rove to the ash heap of politics as blood sport. As long as Americans prefer bumper-sticker slogans over actual information Karl will always be with us. Wherever voters would rather respond to any nonsense (like John Edward's $400 haircut) than change positions in an election, the Karl Roves will prosper. Karl Rove knows what dirty little secrets American voters take into the voting booth. He knows your prejudices and your fears. His mission is to present a candidate that appeals to them. As we careen into the madness of 2008, the Karl Rove Playbook will surface. The question isn't whether any candidate will adopt the "win at all cost" philosophy of Mr. Rove. The question is how many.

...or should August 9 be a national holiday?

I'm thinking "Bomb Day". After all, August 9 has been littered with explosions since before the birth of Christ. To whit: 48 BC Julius Caesar defeats General Pompey at the battle of Pharsalus. Granted, no bombs were used but the outcome created quite an explosion in Roman politics. The republic was dealt a mortal blow and individual rights were all but eliminated when Caesar declared himself emperor. For a parallel, think George W. Bush after 9/11. By the way, Pompey fled to Egypt which, 2000 years later, gave us Osama bin Laden. Coincidence? 1930 Betty Boop (America's first animated bombshell) makes her debut in a short feature called Dizzy Dishes. Shortly thereafter, Ms. Boop checks into the rehab facility that now bears her first name. Her addiction to India Ink was never fully explained. 1936 Jesse Owens wins his fourth gold medal at the XI Olympiad in Berlin. America goes wild for Jesse until, of course, the newsreel footage reaches the States at which time Americans notice that Mr. Owens is black. Adolph Hitler, then German Chancellor, refuses to shake hands with Mr. Owens thus beginning a trend that would survive in the American South for the next 45 years. 1944 The United States Forestry Service introduces Smokey the Bear for the first time. The law firm of Tharrington, Smith & Hargrove of North Carolina (later to employ John Edwards) immediately filed a four billion dollar law suit alleging that the bear in the ranger hat and blue jeans is the property of someone else. They charge the Forest Service with propagating (wait for it) "second hand Smokey." 1945 Basically not a good day to be a tourist in Nagasaki. Harry Truman put an exclamation point on World War II by convincing Japan that if they didn't surrender right now, today, Japan would be converted into a parking lot for the first Asian WalMart.

1969 Quiz time. What happened on Aug 9 in 1969? That's right you sickwads - psychotics under the direction of Charlie Manson brutally murdered Sharon Tate, Abigail Folger, Jay Sebring, Wojciech Frykowski and Steven Parent in Los Angeles. Manson, who is now 73 and still crazy as a loon is, thankfully, still incarcerated. So are Leslie Van Houton, Susan Atkins, Patrica Krenwinkel, Bobby Beausoleil and Charles Tex Watson. Should any or all of these lovely folks ever get out of the joint, they are planning a reunion at the Spahn Ranch which will be converted to a hospice for the occasion.

1974 Everybody's favorite pinata, Tricky Dick Nixon finally, mercifully resigns the Presidency. Having noticed that even Checkers, the White House dog, was pissing on his administration, Mr. Nixon decided that a permanent vacation in San Clemente was preferable to a guest appearance on Court TV. Two additional indignities ultimately followed. In 1976 New York revoked his law license and in 1981 he was forced to live in New Jersey. Oh death, where is thy sting?

1993 Prince Albert II of Belgium is sworn in as king prompting a new round of interrogatories regarding tobacco, tobacco containers and Belgian monarchs.

2007 The Dow Jones Industrial Average falls 387 points. Ouch! If this trend continues, isitjustme could be forced to accept advertising... except, of course, on National Bomb Day.

...or are there only two types of health insurance: bad and none.

I have health insurance. I thank God and Dow Jones every day that I have it. I understand that at any time my insurance could go away and I would be forced to: 1) go to work (Aghhh!), 2) move to Canada (and I hate hockey) or, 3) pay about $800 a month for a policy. None of these are viable options. I am one of the lucky ones.





Nevertheless, "being covered" clearly isn't what it used to be. There was a time when a doctor visit or a routine procedure was fully paid for by your insurance company. Even with the advent of the "co-pay", "normal medical stuff" ( I will try to keep technical industry terms to a minimum) was paid in full.





Naturally, this epiphany arrives as a result of a personal experience. Like the folks at Jockey, I will attempt to be brief. I visited a medical facility recently for a somewhat routine test. Upon arrival, I was advised that Aetna Managed Care would cover all but $90 of the cost. Fine. I forked over the cash and away we went. A general anaesthetic was involved as was some lab work. All went well and I was on my way.





A few weeks later the bills started to arrive. $98 for lab costs; $51 for the gas-passer; and $40 for the doctor. The doctor bill surprised me so I inquired via the billing dept of the facility. My sarcasm was probably showing when I asked if I was the first patient with Aetna Managed Care to receive the procedure. If not, why didn't they add the 40 bucks to the $90 when I got there. A young lady informed me that the fee upon arrival was for the facility only. The doctor's bill was separate. Oh! Several additional questions leapt to mind but I knew that further interrogation was pointless. The overarching thought is that, even at $300 or so out of pocket, I was still pretty lucky.





It now seems that "fully covered" has gone the way of the nickel candy bar and morning postal deliveries. Having no facts at my disposal and even less interest in discovering any, here is my guess as to how we got to our present circumstance. First came medical insurance. You (or most likely your employer) paid a premium and you could go to the doctor at will. The doctor invoiced the insurance company for a fee that was considered "usual and customary". Insurance paid and all was well.





Then came the dreaded HMO. Doctors were restrained from billing for any amount beyond what the insurance company considered "fair". This was designed to limit the spiraling cost of health care and make a bundle for Blue Cross, Aetna and all the rest of the insurance companies.


Doctors protested. The cost of tongue depressors was rising every year, they said. Nurses want to be paid like medical professionals not Carmelite nuns. And don't even get me started on the cost of those paper night gowns.





Then it hit them. "We can charge whatever we like. Whatever the insurance company won't pay, we'll just charge the patient. When they see the bill that we sent to the insurance company for the operation or the x-ray (already seriously inflated) they'll feel grateful just to be paying $75 or $80."And so we have the birth of "medical cost creep". And I have it easy. I can just imagine what the parent of a sick child must have to deal with.

Employers have responded to the rising cost of insurance premiums by cutting benefits. Usually those most affected are workers at the bottom of the corporate ladder. Does anyone in America believe that the Fortune 500 CEO's are powerless to affect change if they felt it was in their best interest?



It doesn't have to be this way. Go see Michael Moore's "Sicko". (I'm sorry if you don't like his politics.) You will learn that other countries do health care better. None are perfect and no one wants to live like the Cubans just so we can get a free tonsillectomy, but ours is not the only way. If we would just look at how Canada, France, England and any one of 50 countries manages to provide care for all of their citizens, we might learn something.









Health care in America works if you are employed by a big corporation or if you work for the government (military personnel apparently excepted). It works (and most things generally do) if you're wealthy. It works if you were lucky enough to stay in the same place long enough to get long term benefits. (That would be me!).





Americans will go to the polls to oppose gay marriage and to exterminate abortion but no one votes for universal health care. I guess all those people in Kansas and Nebraska already have medical insurance. I hope the policy covers political myopia..