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Seriously? You are the Conservative Political Action Committee. You profess to be a serious political force, representing a significant portion of this country, and you prove it by inviting Glenn Beck as your featured speaker? Should Julius Erving lecture to the American College of Surgeons? He is, after all, a doctor. Should Harrison Ford teach graduate archeology at Stanford? He already owns the hat and whip. Allow me to repeat myself...nobody is going to let you be the ringmaster if you continually play the clown. And no one is going to elect you to anything if you invite buffoons and side-show barkers to speak at your political events.
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A respected, high-ranking Pakistani official was rejected recently as ambassador to Saudi Arabia. Mr. Akbar Zib was denied this prestigious post because his name translates into Arabic as "Biggest Dick". Where are the Pythons when you need them?
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Long Island resident Kathleen Frascinella was ticketed for driving in the HOV lane of the Long Island Expressway while accompanied by an elaborately dressed dummy. The dummy turned out to be Rudy Giuliani. Rim shot!
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Australia's star hurdler Jana Rawlinson has had her breast implants removed to improve her chances for a medal in the 2012 Olympics in London. Rawlinson said she "loved having bigger boobs" but did not want to disappoint her fellow Australians. Jana's boyfriend, presumably one of those "fellow Australians" was unavailable for comment.
Ms. Rawlinson was following in the footsteps of American figure skater Scot Hamilton who had his gonads removed prior to the 1984 Winter Games in Sarajevo. OK, that was cheap!
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Shawn White, Lindsey Vonn, Bode Miller and Evan Lysacek have all performed beautifully this week in Vancouver however, Americans are cheering the real comeback story of the year. That's right folks, McDonald's has revived the Filet-O-Fish mounted fish ads. Although at a loss to explain why a dead stuffed mackerel singing "Give me back that Filet-O Fish" should attain the sort of cult popularity of Mr. Whipple or Clara "where's the beef" Peller, we are nonetheless captivated. If McDonald's could teach the carp another song, it might replace Susan Boyle among the "Idol" crowd.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
...or would Cpl. Klinger have gotten out of the Army quicker had he worn a burka?
On Thursday, February 18, 2010 Joseph Stack, 53 year old software engineer and bass player crashed his Piper PA28-236 Dakota into the Echelon Federal Building in Austin, Texas in a rage over taxes. Miraculously, only one person died.
On Nov. 4, 2009 Army Major Nidal Malik Hasan marched onto the base at Ft. Hood, Texas and murdered 13 of his fellow soldiers, wounding another 30.
On Friday, Feb. 12, 2010 Amy Bishop, PhD, professor at the University of Alabama, Huntsville shot and killed three colleagues during a staff meeting, wounding 2 others.
On May 31, 2009 Scott Roeder, anti-abortion fanatic and suspected schizophrenic walked into the Reformation Lutheran Church in Wichita, KS and shot Doctor George Tiller in the eye.
On Christmas Day 2009, Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab attempted to kill 289 people on board Northwest Airlines Flight 253 using a bomb concealed in his clothing. No one was injured.
On April 19, 1995, Timothy McVeigh, ex GI and KKK sympathizer, detonated a truck full of explosives in the front of the Alfred P. Murrah Federal building killing 186 and injuring 450.
Question: Which of these people is a criminal and which is a terrorist? Why?
Applying Occam's Razor, the simplest answer is also the correct one... It doesn't matter.
Regardless of motivation, a crime is a crime and should be handled in the same measured, detached manner prescribed by our judicial system. Calling a person a terrorist is a pointless name game resulting in unnecessary fear and tragic overreaction. There are thousands of Christian Americans passionate for a cause. They talk tough, attend rallies, carry signs. They do not shoot people or blow things up. There are thousands of American Muslims who object to the military invasion of Iraq. They rail on web sites, reinforce their views at mosques, they applaud America's military difficulties in Afghanistan. They also do not shoot people or blow things up. Muslim extremists are no different from Christian extremists and should be treated no differently.
We are a country of laws. Americans never miss an opportunity to parade our freedoms and our Constitution through the streets. We take great pride in any effort to bring that freedom to others. We cheer the rule of law when it's exported to Iraq and Afghanistan. Sadly, when opportunities arise to apply those same noble principles in our own country, we look to Dick Cheney and Sarah Palin for guidance. Bolstered by the clownish rhetoric of Glen Beck and Bill O'Reilly, we respond to every threat by breaking out the torches and pitchforks.
Amy Bishop was a Harvard PhD yet no one (except maybe Sean Hannity) is looking for the motivation for her rampage in Cambridge. If you shoot three professors in Alabama you're a headcase; if you shoot a doctor in a church you're a misguided baby-saver; if you shoot 43 soldiers on an Army base, you're a Muslim demon controlled by puppet-masters in the Middle East.
When tragedy strikes, America seeks answers. What were the warning signs that we missed? How can we prevent another Ft. Hood or another Virginia Tech? Frustration over the senseless loss of life prompts us to lash out in all directions. After 9-11 many dark-skinned citizens were harassed including turban-wearing Sikhs. Strangely, after the Tiller shooting, no one (except maybe Keith Olberman) was suggesting we keep an eye on Bill O'Reilly's ardent fans. After Virginia Tech, there was no increase in surveillance of Korean Americans.
What escapes notice is that right-wing extremists, hungry to find any excuse to abandon democratic principles of due process in favor of a rope and a tree, never think to attack or question the Second Amendment. I defy you to find one single conservative talker who suggested that, had Major Hasan's weapons been tougher to obtain, a tragedy might have been averted or minimized. If you imagine that an Army doctor has access to military firearms, you know nothing about the military.
You would expect the Hannitys and Becks to demand frontier justice. They have never seen a fire that couldn't use a good dose of gasoline. Political leaders however, should know better. Elected officials are presumed to understand the laws and the ramifications of ignoring them. It's why we elect people trained in the law, not in TV ratings. Sadly, Conservatives and by extension Republicans, have decided that pandering to the baser emotions of Americans is easier and more expedient than leading. God help us if they succeed.
When people commit crimes in America or against Americans we arrest them, read them their rights, put them on trial and if guilty, lock them up. (If, after 44 years you don't understand Miranda, you don't watch enough Law and Order.) No exceptions. No.. "but what ifs..".
If you are captured on the battlefield (in the thousands of years of combat this has never been an obscure concept) you are a prisoner of war. Goodbye Department of Justice; hello Geneva Convention. We don't mix and match. You are not in line for Dick Cheney Justice (which is no justice) because you pray to Mecca. Those battlefields are in Iraq and Afghanistan, period. Seat 17F of a commercial airliner is not a battlefield.
On Nov. 4, 2009 Army Major Nidal Malik Hasan marched onto the base at Ft. Hood, Texas and murdered 13 of his fellow soldiers, wounding another 30.
On Friday, Feb. 12, 2010 Amy Bishop, PhD, professor at the University of Alabama, Huntsville shot and killed three colleagues during a staff meeting, wounding 2 others.
On May 31, 2009 Scott Roeder, anti-abortion fanatic and suspected schizophrenic walked into the Reformation Lutheran Church in Wichita, KS and shot Doctor George Tiller in the eye.
On Christmas Day 2009, Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab attempted to kill 289 people on board Northwest Airlines Flight 253 using a bomb concealed in his clothing. No one was injured.
On April 19, 1995, Timothy McVeigh, ex GI and KKK sympathizer, detonated a truck full of explosives in the front of the Alfred P. Murrah Federal building killing 186 and injuring 450.
Question: Which of these people is a criminal and which is a terrorist? Why?
Applying Occam's Razor, the simplest answer is also the correct one... It doesn't matter.
Regardless of motivation, a crime is a crime and should be handled in the same measured, detached manner prescribed by our judicial system. Calling a person a terrorist is a pointless name game resulting in unnecessary fear and tragic overreaction. There are thousands of Christian Americans passionate for a cause. They talk tough, attend rallies, carry signs. They do not shoot people or blow things up. There are thousands of American Muslims who object to the military invasion of Iraq. They rail on web sites, reinforce their views at mosques, they applaud America's military difficulties in Afghanistan. They also do not shoot people or blow things up. Muslim extremists are no different from Christian extremists and should be treated no differently.
We are a country of laws. Americans never miss an opportunity to parade our freedoms and our Constitution through the streets. We take great pride in any effort to bring that freedom to others. We cheer the rule of law when it's exported to Iraq and Afghanistan. Sadly, when opportunities arise to apply those same noble principles in our own country, we look to Dick Cheney and Sarah Palin for guidance. Bolstered by the clownish rhetoric of Glen Beck and Bill O'Reilly, we respond to every threat by breaking out the torches and pitchforks.
Amy Bishop was a Harvard PhD yet no one (except maybe Sean Hannity) is looking for the motivation for her rampage in Cambridge. If you shoot three professors in Alabama you're a headcase; if you shoot a doctor in a church you're a misguided baby-saver; if you shoot 43 soldiers on an Army base, you're a Muslim demon controlled by puppet-masters in the Middle East.
When tragedy strikes, America seeks answers. What were the warning signs that we missed? How can we prevent another Ft. Hood or another Virginia Tech? Frustration over the senseless loss of life prompts us to lash out in all directions. After 9-11 many dark-skinned citizens were harassed including turban-wearing Sikhs. Strangely, after the Tiller shooting, no one (except maybe Keith Olberman) was suggesting we keep an eye on Bill O'Reilly's ardent fans. After Virginia Tech, there was no increase in surveillance of Korean Americans.
What escapes notice is that right-wing extremists, hungry to find any excuse to abandon democratic principles of due process in favor of a rope and a tree, never think to attack or question the Second Amendment. I defy you to find one single conservative talker who suggested that, had Major Hasan's weapons been tougher to obtain, a tragedy might have been averted or minimized. If you imagine that an Army doctor has access to military firearms, you know nothing about the military.
You would expect the Hannitys and Becks to demand frontier justice. They have never seen a fire that couldn't use a good dose of gasoline. Political leaders however, should know better. Elected officials are presumed to understand the laws and the ramifications of ignoring them. It's why we elect people trained in the law, not in TV ratings. Sadly, Conservatives and by extension Republicans, have decided that pandering to the baser emotions of Americans is easier and more expedient than leading. God help us if they succeed.
When people commit crimes in America or against Americans we arrest them, read them their rights, put them on trial and if guilty, lock them up. (If, after 44 years you don't understand Miranda, you don't watch enough Law and Order.) No exceptions. No.. "but what ifs..".
If you are captured on the battlefield (in the thousands of years of combat this has never been an obscure concept) you are a prisoner of war. Goodbye Department of Justice; hello Geneva Convention. We don't mix and match. You are not in line for Dick Cheney Justice (which is no justice) because you pray to Mecca. Those battlefields are in Iraq and Afghanistan, period. Seat 17F of a commercial airliner is not a battlefield.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
...or are Virginia legislators required to swear an oath on a Harry Potter Book?
Really, you can't make this stuff up!
The Virginia legislature is about to vote on a bill which prevents employers and insurance companies from implanting microchips in a person's body against their will. Interesting. Presumably the vote cannot be taken until all delegates are fitted with aluminum headgear to prevent telepathic thoughts from influencing their decision.
This is not as "out there" as you might think. Wisconsin has already passed such a law and Georgia is contemplating a similar idea. Apparently the fear of Big Brotherism stems from discussions among insurance companies and other health providers to implant chips in Alzheimer's patients. The chips would be helpful should the patient wander off. Also there has been talk of implanting people's medical records in their bodies. Should you be in an accident, responders could retrieve the data and therefore know how best to treat you. These ideas no doubt have merit provided they are voluntary. Forced implants, however, sends a chill through even the people who wrote the Patriot Act.
One would think that the Virginia legislature would vote for this bill on First Amendment grounds. The unwanted implanting of microchips in Commonwealth citizens is abhorrent to lovers of liberty and defenders of personal privacy. However, to insure that no one forgets that Virginia is still the home of Christian radicalism, several members of the House of Delegates have supported the ban on implants because...wait for it...implants represent the "mark of the beast". That's right folks. Your elected officials are approving and rejecting policy based on the voodoo details of the Book of Revelations in the Bible.
Far be it from me to denigrate the beliefs of anyone, including those who run for public office but, I would feel better if those office-holders didn't arrive for work muttering about End of Days and angels pouring out their bowls on the earth. I mean it's scary enough watching Virginia Republicans hunt for new crimes deserving of capital punishment. Revelations is very specific what with reference to seven trumpets, seven seals and the beasts of the land and sea. The scripture states that "no man may buy or sell save that he has the mark, or the name of the beast or the number of his name". This has prompted some deep thinkers to imagine that the "mark" is some form of bar code.
Anyway, I suppose that we should be grateful that, regardless of motive, the Virginia House of Delegates will stumble into the correct ruling. Now if only someone in government could divine a Biblical reference to the prohibition of handguns. Perhaps in Exodus "...and the Lord said unto Moses 'tell those Jewish idiots to stop shooting each other".
The Virginia legislature is about to vote on a bill which prevents employers and insurance companies from implanting microchips in a person's body against their will. Interesting. Presumably the vote cannot be taken until all delegates are fitted with aluminum headgear to prevent telepathic thoughts from influencing their decision.
This is not as "out there" as you might think. Wisconsin has already passed such a law and Georgia is contemplating a similar idea. Apparently the fear of Big Brotherism stems from discussions among insurance companies and other health providers to implant chips in Alzheimer's patients. The chips would be helpful should the patient wander off. Also there has been talk of implanting people's medical records in their bodies. Should you be in an accident, responders could retrieve the data and therefore know how best to treat you. These ideas no doubt have merit provided they are voluntary. Forced implants, however, sends a chill through even the people who wrote the Patriot Act.
One would think that the Virginia legislature would vote for this bill on First Amendment grounds. The unwanted implanting of microchips in Commonwealth citizens is abhorrent to lovers of liberty and defenders of personal privacy. However, to insure that no one forgets that Virginia is still the home of Christian radicalism, several members of the House of Delegates have supported the ban on implants because...wait for it...implants represent the "mark of the beast". That's right folks. Your elected officials are approving and rejecting policy based on the voodoo details of the Book of Revelations in the Bible.
Far be it from me to denigrate the beliefs of anyone, including those who run for public office but, I would feel better if those office-holders didn't arrive for work muttering about End of Days and angels pouring out their bowls on the earth. I mean it's scary enough watching Virginia Republicans hunt for new crimes deserving of capital punishment. Revelations is very specific what with reference to seven trumpets, seven seals and the beasts of the land and sea. The scripture states that "no man may buy or sell save that he has the mark, or the name of the beast or the number of his name". This has prompted some deep thinkers to imagine that the "mark" is some form of bar code.
Anyway, I suppose that we should be grateful that, regardless of motive, the Virginia House of Delegates will stumble into the correct ruling. Now if only someone in government could divine a Biblical reference to the prohibition of handguns. Perhaps in Exodus "...and the Lord said unto Moses 'tell those Jewish idiots to stop shooting each other".
...or do the Winter Olympics leave you cold?
Quickly...regarding Sarah Palin's speech at the Tea-baggers party in Nashville: we will devote no more space to a person who abuses the opposition for using a teleprompter, but needs to write notes on her hands. Seriously, all friends of intelligent government are encouraged to send a contribution to the Sister Sarah for President Campaign Committee. I'm begging this moose-burger to run.
Now, back to the important stuff:
Item:
Face it. No one in America gives a royal rat's ass about the Winter Olympics in Vancouver. We don't have any heroes who play in the snow. Most of the fans of NHL hockey players (about 200 at last count) will have divided loyalties watching their idols play for Russia, Sweden, or the Czech Republic. Having just watched the New Orleans Saints beat the Colts, and with baseball's spring training camps opening soon, no one cares who wins the two-man bobsled or the luge. Most Americans imagine biathlon as having something to do with cross-dressing. Quick: name America's entry in cross-country skiing.
To be honest, Americans don't have much of a selection of name brand winter sportspeople. Our scant collection of recognizable winter competitors includes Bode Miller, world renowned pot-smoker and all around loose cannon. Having staggered and stumbled to a fifth place finish in Turin in 2006, Miller is stoked (or possibly toked) to be every bit as disappointing in Vancouver. He is hoping to improve his performance this time around, especially because he has signed on with a new sponsor: Zig Zag Rolling Papers.
America will also be cheering for another Turin retread, Apolo Ohno. Mr. Ohno won speed-skating gold in Salt Lake City in 2002 when the South Korean skater that beat him was disqualified. Who knew there were Mulligans in speed-skating? Ohno, age 27, will try for gold in the 1,500 meter race, which will demand that he remain upright for the entire race. Best of luck to Mr. Ohno.
Speed-skating also features another rare sight: an African American winter Olympian. Shani Davis, who won gold in Turin, is returning to attempt a record-tying five gold medals in a single Olympics. Davis, a Chicago native, will ensure that the number of black Americans tuning in to the Games will rise by the exact size of his immediate family.
While it's true that Americans perform really well in snow-boarding, everyone knows that those events aren't "real" Winter Olympic Sports. They were only included because the American TV audience had no rooting interest in curling. Snow-boarding is to winter sports what surfing or skate-boarding would be to the summer games: an excuse to watch adolescents try to kill themselves. Skate-boarding behind a moving bus would have the same appeal.
The perennial favorite of both women and sensitive men (read gay) has always been figure skating. This year's field includes the usual complement of gifted, dedicated kids no one has ever heard of or will remember much past the nightly news. The definition of "sport" will again be challenged as Scott Hamilton, Dick Button and Peggy Fleming guide us through endless triple axels, Salchows and Lutz Jumps. For all you skating neanderthals, a Lutz Jump is a toe-pick assisted jump with an entrance from a back outside edge and landing on the back outside edge of the opposite foot. Now don't you feel dumb?
Figure skating has always drawn the highest rating of all winter events. Women love it and men just like looking up those little itsy bitsy skirts. (Right, I'm the only one!) Actually, men are also fascinated by how male skaters are able to compress their packages into those tight costumes. This may explain why most male figure skaters never have children.
So enjoy the Games. Marvel at the opening ceremonies, which are interrupted by more commercials than the Baseball Home Run Derby. Be amazed by the parade of athletes featuring more white people in one place since the Republican National Convention. Ask yourself why anyone but a blood relative would stand on a mountain in subzero weather to watch American Lindsay Vonn shuush by at 70 mph. Express wonder at anyone paying $200 apiece to watch something called Women's skeleton. (Surprisingly, it has nothing to do with bulimia. Who knew?)
Now, back to the important stuff:
Item:
Face it. No one in America gives a royal rat's ass about the Winter Olympics in Vancouver. We don't have any heroes who play in the snow. Most of the fans of NHL hockey players (about 200 at last count) will have divided loyalties watching their idols play for Russia, Sweden, or the Czech Republic. Having just watched the New Orleans Saints beat the Colts, and with baseball's spring training camps opening soon, no one cares who wins the two-man bobsled or the luge. Most Americans imagine biathlon as having something to do with cross-dressing. Quick: name America's entry in cross-country skiing.
To be honest, Americans don't have much of a selection of name brand winter sportspeople. Our scant collection of recognizable winter competitors includes Bode Miller, world renowned pot-smoker and all around loose cannon. Having staggered and stumbled to a fifth place finish in Turin in 2006, Miller is stoked (or possibly toked) to be every bit as disappointing in Vancouver. He is hoping to improve his performance this time around, especially because he has signed on with a new sponsor: Zig Zag Rolling Papers.
America will also be cheering for another Turin retread, Apolo Ohno. Mr. Ohno won speed-skating gold in Salt Lake City in 2002 when the South Korean skater that beat him was disqualified. Who knew there were Mulligans in speed-skating? Ohno, age 27, will try for gold in the 1,500 meter race, which will demand that he remain upright for the entire race. Best of luck to Mr. Ohno.
Speed-skating also features another rare sight: an African American winter Olympian. Shani Davis, who won gold in Turin, is returning to attempt a record-tying five gold medals in a single Olympics. Davis, a Chicago native, will ensure that the number of black Americans tuning in to the Games will rise by the exact size of his immediate family.
While it's true that Americans perform really well in snow-boarding, everyone knows that those events aren't "real" Winter Olympic Sports. They were only included because the American TV audience had no rooting interest in curling. Snow-boarding is to winter sports what surfing or skate-boarding would be to the summer games: an excuse to watch adolescents try to kill themselves. Skate-boarding behind a moving bus would have the same appeal.
The perennial favorite of both women and sensitive men (read gay) has always been figure skating. This year's field includes the usual complement of gifted, dedicated kids no one has ever heard of or will remember much past the nightly news. The definition of "sport" will again be challenged as Scott Hamilton, Dick Button and Peggy Fleming guide us through endless triple axels, Salchows and Lutz Jumps. For all you skating neanderthals, a Lutz Jump is a toe-pick assisted jump with an entrance from a back outside edge and landing on the back outside edge of the opposite foot. Now don't you feel dumb?
Figure skating has always drawn the highest rating of all winter events. Women love it and men just like looking up those little itsy bitsy skirts. (Right, I'm the only one!) Actually, men are also fascinated by how male skaters are able to compress their packages into those tight costumes. This may explain why most male figure skaters never have children.
So enjoy the Games. Marvel at the opening ceremonies, which are interrupted by more commercials than the Baseball Home Run Derby. Be amazed by the parade of athletes featuring more white people in one place since the Republican National Convention. Ask yourself why anyone but a blood relative would stand on a mountain in subzero weather to watch American Lindsay Vonn shuush by at 70 mph. Express wonder at anyone paying $200 apiece to watch something called Women's skeleton. (Surprisingly, it has nothing to do with bulimia. Who knew?)
Friday, February 05, 2010
...or is the Tea-bag Movement a strong brew?
If it's Nashville, it must be the Tea-Baggers Convocation.
The grass-roots movement spawned by the election of a black liberal as President and whipped into a froth by Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity, has descended on America's heartland for three days of peace, love and joy. The banner welcoming attendees to the Gaylord Opryland Hotel (Gaylord?) proclaims "Give us your white, your old, your overweight yearning to breathe free." Well, not exactly free. Assuming you drive the family pickup truck from God's Garterbelt, Arkansas and stay at the Sleep Inn in Murfreesboro instead of the pricey Opryland Hotel, you are still paying $549 a head to listen to the speechifying. As to the event, America hasn't seen this many white people in one room since George W. Bush's last golf outing. Canadian hockey crowds are more diverse. Attendance has been solid, owing to the fact that most Tea-baggers are retired or at least negotiated a few days off from their greeters job at Walmart.
The convention got off to a rousing start with a kickoff speech by Tom Tancredo, former Congressman from Colorado. Aside from his somewhat truncated bid for the Presidency in 2008, (he never got off the bus in New Hampshire) Tancredo is perhaps best remembered as the anti-immigration candidate who suggested that all immigration be halted for three years while current immigrants assimilate. Plans for stopping illegal immigrants from entering the country included fences, guns and a lot of harsh language. He has also suggested that any further attacks like 9-11 should be met with the immediate destruction of Mecca. A Molotov Cocktail party will follow.
Breakfast on Friday will feature Steve Milloy, FoxNews commentator famous for labeling all research on climate change as "junk science". Milloy also disputes the harm done by second-hand smoke, views the Clean Air Act as an abridgement of freedom and has campaigned against the ban on DDT. Milloy's cozy and longstanding relationship with the tobacco industry has cast a cloud over his credibility. No matter. Most of the attendees will be out for a smoke break during his address.
Lunch will include a speech by former Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore. Judge Moore came to prominence as the jurist who resisted a federal court order to remove a monument of the Ten Commandments from the Alabama State Courthouse in 2003. The Alabama judiciary responded by removing not just the monument but also removed Judge Moore. The Judge will be accompanied by Joseph Farah. Mr. Farah, editor of the conservative website WorldNetDaily, is one of the more vocal adherents to the notion that Barack Obama is a Kenyan. Saturday's breakfast speaker is Ana Puig who will discourse on the correlation between Barack Obama and the Marxist Dictators of Latin America. Oddly, the Mensa Society passed on an opportunity to stage a membership drive in the hotel lobby. Seriously, why would any movement with aspirations of being taken seriously as a political force invite this collection of wingnuts to speak at their meeting? The only applehead missing is Lyndon Larouche.
Delightfully, the piece de resistance is the keynote speech delivered by the always insightful Sarah Palin. Despite collecting $100,000 for her starring role (the Governor of Alaska makes $150,000, dinner not included) Sarah claims it's not about the money. Her theory is that as long as the Tea-baggers are determined to be fleeced, it might as well be by someone who loves them. Sweet Sarah is apt to look a bit lonely in Nashville. Her usual props: unwed daughter w/ baby, goofy husband, Cindy McCain staring holes in the back of her head will all be missing. It will be just Sarah and the 1,100 or so faithful admirers. No hints have emerged as to the topic of Gov. Palin's address but we can expect plenty of "golly shucks" and a few "you betcha's." There was a "substance alert" earlier in the week but Ms. Palin's spokespeople assured the group that the Governor would never say anything meaningful or significant. Thank heaven for that!
The organizers of the event have rejected a re-creation of the famous Boston Tea Party as potentially dangerous. With all the elderly attendees, there was some concern about throwing the wrong bags overboard. Sorry!
The grass-roots movement spawned by the election of a black liberal as President and whipped into a froth by Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity, has descended on America's heartland for three days of peace, love and joy. The banner welcoming attendees to the Gaylord Opryland Hotel (Gaylord?) proclaims "Give us your white, your old, your overweight yearning to breathe free." Well, not exactly free. Assuming you drive the family pickup truck from God's Garterbelt, Arkansas and stay at the Sleep Inn in Murfreesboro instead of the pricey Opryland Hotel, you are still paying $549 a head to listen to the speechifying. As to the event, America hasn't seen this many white people in one room since George W. Bush's last golf outing. Canadian hockey crowds are more diverse. Attendance has been solid, owing to the fact that most Tea-baggers are retired or at least negotiated a few days off from their greeters job at Walmart.
The convention got off to a rousing start with a kickoff speech by Tom Tancredo, former Congressman from Colorado. Aside from his somewhat truncated bid for the Presidency in 2008, (he never got off the bus in New Hampshire) Tancredo is perhaps best remembered as the anti-immigration candidate who suggested that all immigration be halted for three years while current immigrants assimilate. Plans for stopping illegal immigrants from entering the country included fences, guns and a lot of harsh language. He has also suggested that any further attacks like 9-11 should be met with the immediate destruction of Mecca. A Molotov Cocktail party will follow.
Breakfast on Friday will feature Steve Milloy, FoxNews commentator famous for labeling all research on climate change as "junk science". Milloy also disputes the harm done by second-hand smoke, views the Clean Air Act as an abridgement of freedom and has campaigned against the ban on DDT. Milloy's cozy and longstanding relationship with the tobacco industry has cast a cloud over his credibility. No matter. Most of the attendees will be out for a smoke break during his address.
Lunch will include a speech by former Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore. Judge Moore came to prominence as the jurist who resisted a federal court order to remove a monument of the Ten Commandments from the Alabama State Courthouse in 2003. The Alabama judiciary responded by removing not just the monument but also removed Judge Moore. The Judge will be accompanied by Joseph Farah. Mr. Farah, editor of the conservative website WorldNetDaily, is one of the more vocal adherents to the notion that Barack Obama is a Kenyan. Saturday's breakfast speaker is Ana Puig who will discourse on the correlation between Barack Obama and the Marxist Dictators of Latin America. Oddly, the Mensa Society passed on an opportunity to stage a membership drive in the hotel lobby. Seriously, why would any movement with aspirations of being taken seriously as a political force invite this collection of wingnuts to speak at their meeting? The only applehead missing is Lyndon Larouche.
Delightfully, the piece de resistance is the keynote speech delivered by the always insightful Sarah Palin. Despite collecting $100,000 for her starring role (the Governor of Alaska makes $150,000, dinner not included) Sarah claims it's not about the money. Her theory is that as long as the Tea-baggers are determined to be fleeced, it might as well be by someone who loves them. Sweet Sarah is apt to look a bit lonely in Nashville. Her usual props: unwed daughter w/ baby, goofy husband, Cindy McCain staring holes in the back of her head will all be missing. It will be just Sarah and the 1,100 or so faithful admirers. No hints have emerged as to the topic of Gov. Palin's address but we can expect plenty of "golly shucks" and a few "you betcha's." There was a "substance alert" earlier in the week but Ms. Palin's spokespeople assured the group that the Governor would never say anything meaningful or significant. Thank heaven for that!
The organizers of the event have rejected a re-creation of the famous Boston Tea Party as potentially dangerous. With all the elderly attendees, there was some concern about throwing the wrong bags overboard. Sorry!
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
...or is John McCain a few french fries short of a happy meal?
Honest to God!
For as much as we try to consign John McCain to the ash heap of second place finishers next to the 1982 Cincinnati Bengals, the 1932 Chicago Cubs and Michael Dukakis, he continues to stumble and obfuscate his way onto the front pages. Trying to give this guy the benefit of the doubt is like trying to appreciate the films of Micky Rourke...why put yourself through it?
This week's performance was especially egregious. The Senior senator from Bullshitastan managed a double play. Woody Allen's Broadway Danny Rose says "You can't ride two horses with one behind" but you'd never know it to watch John McCain. As they say in the circus, they'll never let you be the ringmaster if you keep acting the clown.
Let's start with the Armed Forces and it's "don't ask, don't tell" policy regarding gay troops. This obscene bit of discrimination has been responsible for the cashiering of more than 13,000 serving Americans since Bill Clinton's lack of spine made it law in 1993. Since then, our Army, Navy and Marines have lost the services of many dedicated, well trained volunteers for no other reason than being outed as gay or lesbian.
During his aborted campaign for President (where the don't ask, don't tell policy was rigorously applied regarding the galactic incompetence of Sarah Palin) McCain stated repeatedly that "The day that the military leadership comes to me and says, 'Senator, we ought to change the policy' then I think we should seriously consider changing it." Apparently McCain was confident that the Winter Olympics would be awarded to hell before any high-ranking officer would publicly condone gay soldiers. Well look out for snowboarding devils Senator. In an extraordinary act of courage, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs Mike Mullen and Secretary of Defense Robert Gates testified this week before the Senate Armed Services Committee and told the Senator exactly that.
Clearly the two highest ranking members of the Armed Forces, one civilian and a Republican appointee and one military (from McCain's own Navy, no less) wasn't enough. Perhaps a visit from George Patton would help? McCain was unmoved. Big surprise! Face it. McCain served in the Navy of the 1960's. They were barely tolerant of blacks. The idea of openly gay sailors puts McCain in mind of the drag scene in South Pacific. When he thinks gay he thinks of a ship full of limp-wristed marys prancing from stem to stern. It's OK to harbor prejudices. Everyone does. It is not OK to parade your biases to the world and it is not OK to offend serving Americans with your particular brand of bigotry.
Senator McCain's second bit of duplicity occured on the vote on the Conrad-Gregg Commission. Non-policy wonks may be unfamiliar with this brief, doomed attempt at bipartisan governance. Senators Kent Conrad (D-ND) and Judd Gregg (R-NH) proposed a plan to curb America's budget crisis. The bill was called the Bipartisan Task Force for Responsible Fiscal Action Act. Can these guys turn a phrase or what?
Briefly, the task force would be composed of 18 members, 10 Dems and 8 from the GOP. They would submit recommendations for fiscal restraint which would be voted on in Congress. The details are labyrinthine but reflect a genuine effort at broad-based fiscal reform. The bill initially had 35 co-sponsors from both parties. Here's where the fun began.
A letter was sent to the President urging him to sign the bill should it ever get that far. The letter was signed by the likes of Cornyn of Texas, Chambliss of Georgia, Feinstein of California and even Lieberman of Connecticutt (Let's show it to Joey. He hates everything.). President Obama, anxious to achieve bipartisan anything, came out in favor of the Commission. Naturally, Presidential support for any initiative triggers automatic rejection in the Republican caucus. Leading the charge for rejection was everyone's favorite grand dad; John McCain.
McCain's opposition, which reversed his support a few weeks ago, was nifty. He voted against the bill because, he said, it might lead to higher taxes. Forgetting for a moment that the Commission must achieve a 14 out of 18 plurality to recommend any action and that Congress can pass the proposals only with super majorities, this bill was designed and blessed by both parties...including the Senior Senator from Arizona.
McCain's opposition can only lead to two conclusions: 1) Stripping away all of the "why can't we all work together" rubbish, McCain is, at his core, a vengeful, intractable ideologue who will never support any proposal endorsed by the guy who kicked his white ass in November 2008; 2) Alzheimer's. Either he is terrified of losing his precious perch in the Senate to a Tea-bagger in a primary or he's just losing it. Either way it's time to show John McCain the door... in case he forgot where it was.
For as much as we try to consign John McCain to the ash heap of second place finishers next to the 1982 Cincinnati Bengals, the 1932 Chicago Cubs and Michael Dukakis, he continues to stumble and obfuscate his way onto the front pages. Trying to give this guy the benefit of the doubt is like trying to appreciate the films of Micky Rourke...why put yourself through it?
This week's performance was especially egregious. The Senior senator from Bullshitastan managed a double play. Woody Allen's Broadway Danny Rose says "You can't ride two horses with one behind" but you'd never know it to watch John McCain. As they say in the circus, they'll never let you be the ringmaster if you keep acting the clown.
Let's start with the Armed Forces and it's "don't ask, don't tell" policy regarding gay troops. This obscene bit of discrimination has been responsible for the cashiering of more than 13,000 serving Americans since Bill Clinton's lack of spine made it law in 1993. Since then, our Army, Navy and Marines have lost the services of many dedicated, well trained volunteers for no other reason than being outed as gay or lesbian.
During his aborted campaign for President (where the don't ask, don't tell policy was rigorously applied regarding the galactic incompetence of Sarah Palin) McCain stated repeatedly that "The day that the military leadership comes to me and says, 'Senator, we ought to change the policy' then I think we should seriously consider changing it." Apparently McCain was confident that the Winter Olympics would be awarded to hell before any high-ranking officer would publicly condone gay soldiers. Well look out for snowboarding devils Senator. In an extraordinary act of courage, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs Mike Mullen and Secretary of Defense Robert Gates testified this week before the Senate Armed Services Committee and told the Senator exactly that.
Clearly the two highest ranking members of the Armed Forces, one civilian and a Republican appointee and one military (from McCain's own Navy, no less) wasn't enough. Perhaps a visit from George Patton would help? McCain was unmoved. Big surprise! Face it. McCain served in the Navy of the 1960's. They were barely tolerant of blacks. The idea of openly gay sailors puts McCain in mind of the drag scene in South Pacific. When he thinks gay he thinks of a ship full of limp-wristed marys prancing from stem to stern. It's OK to harbor prejudices. Everyone does. It is not OK to parade your biases to the world and it is not OK to offend serving Americans with your particular brand of bigotry.
Senator McCain's second bit of duplicity occured on the vote on the Conrad-Gregg Commission. Non-policy wonks may be unfamiliar with this brief, doomed attempt at bipartisan governance. Senators Kent Conrad (D-ND) and Judd Gregg (R-NH) proposed a plan to curb America's budget crisis. The bill was called the Bipartisan Task Force for Responsible Fiscal Action Act. Can these guys turn a phrase or what?
Briefly, the task force would be composed of 18 members, 10 Dems and 8 from the GOP. They would submit recommendations for fiscal restraint which would be voted on in Congress. The details are labyrinthine but reflect a genuine effort at broad-based fiscal reform. The bill initially had 35 co-sponsors from both parties. Here's where the fun began.
A letter was sent to the President urging him to sign the bill should it ever get that far. The letter was signed by the likes of Cornyn of Texas, Chambliss of Georgia, Feinstein of California and even Lieberman of Connecticutt (Let's show it to Joey. He hates everything.). President Obama, anxious to achieve bipartisan anything, came out in favor of the Commission. Naturally, Presidential support for any initiative triggers automatic rejection in the Republican caucus. Leading the charge for rejection was everyone's favorite grand dad; John McCain.
McCain's opposition, which reversed his support a few weeks ago, was nifty. He voted against the bill because, he said, it might lead to higher taxes. Forgetting for a moment that the Commission must achieve a 14 out of 18 plurality to recommend any action and that Congress can pass the proposals only with super majorities, this bill was designed and blessed by both parties...including the Senior Senator from Arizona.
McCain's opposition can only lead to two conclusions: 1) Stripping away all of the "why can't we all work together" rubbish, McCain is, at his core, a vengeful, intractable ideologue who will never support any proposal endorsed by the guy who kicked his white ass in November 2008; 2) Alzheimer's. Either he is terrified of losing his precious perch in the Senate to a Tea-bagger in a primary or he's just losing it. Either way it's time to show John McCain the door... in case he forgot where it was.
Monday, February 01, 2010
...or should regular people create their own litmus test?
As Tea-baggers prepare to convocate in Nashville (at $595 a head), the staff at isitjustme has been busy developing our own set of new laws, rules and suggestions. Please feel free to add anything that fits:
1) The law enforcement community should be required to create a voluntary "Mug-shot Database" for all Americans, especially those in the public sphere. Permitting citizens to come in for a mug-shot on their own time when they look their best would prevent the sort of horrid portraits that appear in the media after one has been arrested. Titled The Nolte/Torn Protocol, anyone anticipating a bust for drunken driving, indecent exposure, waving a gun around an empty bank or just general stupidity can have their picture taken in advance thus avoiding the career halting embarrassment of an ad hoc photo. The recent arrest of actor Rip Torn, with the attendant frightening cameo should be the only incentive required to encourage this concept.
2) Restaurants are hereby prohibited from delineating their restroom facilities with anything but signs that say "Men" and "Women". No more roosters and hens. You shouldn't have to be an expert in animal husbandry to successfully choose the correct lavatory. Mexican restaurants can dispense with drawings of sombrero-clad males and petticoat-wearing women. Also to be avoided are "Hombres" and "Senoritas". High school Spanish was a requirement for a diploma not a trip to the toilet. A person shouldn't have to make a detour to Berlitz on the way to the can. It's a water closet not a statement of restaurant chic. A woman shouldn't have to wander into a string of urinals only to discover she missed the cute depiction of Zeus on the door instead of the drawing of Aphrodite one door down.
3) A note to people who send Spanish Prisoner letters (those letters that promise a seven figure payout in return for help in rescuing a fortune from a foreign country, most recently Nigeria): at least dress it up a bit. The letters I've received lately have no letterhead, only brief explanations of the scam and no signature. They didn't even bother to hit the "rich text" bar. Seriously folks. A little effort, please. How do you expect to steal money from greedy, gullible people if you don't make your bogus letter look plausible? These notes are so lame even Glenn Beck knows they are fake. Without a little window-dressing, even the Tea-baggers won't be fooled, and they believe everything.
4) Congress should decree that anyone with a driver's license be required to purchase an EasyPass. Let's get with the program, folks! It's 2010. You have a debit card. You have a cell phone. Stop holding up traffic on America's highways while you fish around in your ashtray for another quarter.
5) And while we're on the subject, no more check-writing in supermarkets. Use cash or use a card. My ice cream is melting back here and my beer is getting warm while you hunt for a pen. The Declaration of Independence took less time to write than checks from shoppers who ask the clerk six times how much their broccoli cost. While we're young, people!
1) The law enforcement community should be required to create a voluntary "Mug-shot Database" for all Americans, especially those in the public sphere. Permitting citizens to come in for a mug-shot on their own time when they look their best would prevent the sort of horrid portraits that appear in the media after one has been arrested. Titled The Nolte/Torn Protocol, anyone anticipating a bust for drunken driving, indecent exposure, waving a gun around an empty bank or just general stupidity can have their picture taken in advance thus avoiding the career halting embarrassment of an ad hoc photo. The recent arrest of actor Rip Torn, with the attendant frightening cameo should be the only incentive required to encourage this concept.
2) Restaurants are hereby prohibited from delineating their restroom facilities with anything but signs that say "Men" and "Women". No more roosters and hens. You shouldn't have to be an expert in animal husbandry to successfully choose the correct lavatory. Mexican restaurants can dispense with drawings of sombrero-clad males and petticoat-wearing women. Also to be avoided are "Hombres" and "Senoritas". High school Spanish was a requirement for a diploma not a trip to the toilet. A person shouldn't have to make a detour to Berlitz on the way to the can. It's a water closet not a statement of restaurant chic. A woman shouldn't have to wander into a string of urinals only to discover she missed the cute depiction of Zeus on the door instead of the drawing of Aphrodite one door down.
3) A note to people who send Spanish Prisoner letters (those letters that promise a seven figure payout in return for help in rescuing a fortune from a foreign country, most recently Nigeria): at least dress it up a bit. The letters I've received lately have no letterhead, only brief explanations of the scam and no signature. They didn't even bother to hit the "rich text" bar. Seriously folks. A little effort, please. How do you expect to steal money from greedy, gullible people if you don't make your bogus letter look plausible? These notes are so lame even Glenn Beck knows they are fake. Without a little window-dressing, even the Tea-baggers won't be fooled, and they believe everything.
4) Congress should decree that anyone with a driver's license be required to purchase an EasyPass. Let's get with the program, folks! It's 2010. You have a debit card. You have a cell phone. Stop holding up traffic on America's highways while you fish around in your ashtray for another quarter.
5) And while we're on the subject, no more check-writing in supermarkets. Use cash or use a card. My ice cream is melting back here and my beer is getting warm while you hunt for a pen. The Declaration of Independence took less time to write than checks from shoppers who ask the clerk six times how much their broccoli cost. While we're young, people!
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