We're back.
Hiatus is a wonderful thing...probably more sofor you than me but all good things must come to an end... just ask the producers of the "Die Hard" movies. Anyway, something caught my eye yesterday that bears comment. No, not the travails of Gov. Arbuckle of New Jersey, nor the prosecution of former Governor Bob "if it's free it's for me" McDonald and his avaricious wife in Virginia. (One can only hope that Governor Ultrasound is enjoying the same cavity searches as his medieval law imposes on the women of Virginia.) Those stories are delicious but well covered in the mainstream press. Instead, what I saw was a wonderful presentation on international sales as presented by a talented and engaging sales manager from a revered national publication.
The presentation detailed many of the more subtle aspects of dealing with offshore real estate purchases as well as some of the pitfalls. All in all it was cogent and informative. However, the presentation missed a few of the broader nuances involved in buying and selling to offshore entities. Calling on my vast experience as an international marketer and negotiator (I once talked a Senegalese hot dog vendor into comping me an orange drink with the purchase of three dogs with onions and kraut) I have included a few additional guidelines for successful global sales:
1) Talk louder. Very often, when dealing with a person from another country, you will find that English is not their mother tongue. Any language barrier can be easily overcome by simply shouting English at the customer. Another communication skill is to speak in an exaggerated manner while using hand gestures. You will find that the price of your product can be effectively conveyed by merely holding up the necessary number of digits and yelling "Forty thousand each"! You will immediately notice that your customer's look of confusion is replaced by something akin to irritation and anger. Now you're communicating.
2) Be Jingoistic. Many cultures, especially in Western Europe, have an over-inflated sense of their own superiority. Letting some of the air out of those egos can improve your selling advantage. Take every opportunity to remind the client what language he or she would be speaking if Uncle Sam had stayed home in 1941. (Hint...it rhymes with Herman). Offhanded comments like "you wouldn't last five minutes in the U.S." will strengthen your hand and establish your sales dominance. Even under-your-breath remarks like "well what do you expect with all that inbreeding?" can go a long way toward making the sale.
And don't overlook our Asian customers. Hey, you're taller than them...use it. Note: references to "laundry", "ritual suicide" and "little commies" should only be employed when things are headed south in the sales process.
3)Be pedantic. Most negotiations in this global economy are in English, thank God. That's like a home field advantage. Use it. Correct your client's English whenever possible. (Adopting the voice of a bored schoolteacher speaking to a slow child is always a plus.) Use arcane words and idioms. Employ colloquialisms and obscure local references. The customer should feel a bit stupid but not overly insulted. Reminding him that soccer is not football nor is an elevator a lift will reinforce your marketing superiority.
4) Show your knowledge. Europeans will respect you more if you act like you've been to their countries. Feel free to criticize England's weather, discuss the French lack of familiarity with personal hygiene, Spain's "manana" attitude and well almost anything about the Germans. Chuckle at Dutch drug legalization and Italy's never-ending governmental chaos. When dealing with businessmen from South America, lump all the countries into stereotyped generalities. Argentina, Chile, Peru, whatever. For Asians, well, we can't tell them apart so how can they? And why try?
Isitjustme hopes that these tips will come in handy when doing business on the international scene. Keep in mind sales is a game so, of course, cheating is acceptable. A few mental steroids will give you just the edge you need. Remember, in any conflict no one remembers who finished second...except maybe that country whose name rhymes with Hermany.
