...or should we demand that corporations, if they are people, show ID when buying beer?

Way back in the dark days of the 2012 presidential election, Former Governor Mitt Romney was addressing a testy group of Iowa farmers at the state fair. Being in the heartland, Romney was doing his "no new taxes" tap-dance when a concerned fairgoer rudely suggested that taxes should be raised for some; like the super-rich. Romney, always ready to defend the aristocracy from the rabble, demurred. He suggested that taxes could be raised "on people"  but before he could explain what people, someone yelled "corporations". The heckler had apparently read that day's Wall Street Journal and discovered that America's  companies were mostly recovered from the 2008 crash and were doing rather nicely. In a rare departure from his prepared text, Romney opined that "corporations are people too, my friend."

That's a stunning statement. He might have said "Corporations have some of the same rights as people." He could have said "Supreme Court decisions all the way from 1818 (Dartmouth College v. Woodward) to 2010 (Citizen's United v. Federal Elections Commission) have, from time to time, granted corporations and other groups some citizen rights where speech, property ownership and federal regulations are concerned."
He might even have explained that Hugo Black and William O. Douglas wrote that corporations maintain the same human rights as do the individuals who make up the corporate entity. He didn't. Well, it was Iowa and it's hot in August.

Talk of corporations as people raises an interesting question:  in the wake of  several tragic occurrences over the last few years, why are corporations...as people... never (and I mean never) held accountable for their crimes? Seriously, if the police find a murder victim in a river, they investigate. They learn the who, what, when where and why. They collect facts and, very often, they apprehend the perpetrator.  The district attorneys then try, convict and incarcerate the culprit. I know that is true because I've seen every episode of Law and Order...twice. However, if all the criminals that Lenny Briscoe uncovered were companies, Law and Order would have been a half-hour show. Jack McCoy would have been out of a job. Companies never pay for anything. To wit:

Consider those beach friendly, Gulf lovin' shrimp protectin' Brits at British Petroleum. Back in 2010, BP was happily pumping oil from the Gulf of Mexico using a rig called Deepwater Horizon. On April 20 the rig exploded. Eleven actual people were killed. For 87 days the world watched as crews who had never tried to cap a deep well before, tried to cap a deep well. Throughout the entire tragedy BP: minimized the spill (estimated at 210 million gal.), shifted blame to every one short of the gas station owners in Gulfport and in general, behaved like the weasels they were. The damage was in the billions. The cost to sea life and other wildlife was incalculable. In April this year, BP announced that the clean-up was done and went home. The US Coast Guard said BULLSHIT (Well, they would have if they were allowed to.)

So, with all this loss of life and property, how many "people" from BP and their contractor companies went to jail? How many were tried? How many indicted? Say it with me...Not a Goddamn One. Zip! Zero! Eleven dead and no one pays.

OK how about Wharton, WV in 2012. Two coal miners died when the Brody #1 mine, operated by the Patriot Coal Co. experienced a "severe coal burst". Subsequent investigations revealed that the Brody mine had a long and very dangerous history of safely violations. It was one of three mines in the country that was considered so dangerous it was designated a pattern violator.  "Regardless of the safety concerns we do not have the authority to shut a mine down" said the head of the West Virginia Office of Mine Health Safety and Training. Patriot Coal continued to profit from the Brody pit until two men died. They knew it was a catastrophe waiting to happen. They did nothing. So is the greedy CEO of Patriot, Irl F. Englehardt in the clink?  Are the do-nothing executives who sent miners into a deathtrap serving a little time? Say it with me, Noooo.

This could go on for some time. There's the Duke Energy ash dump into the Dan River in North Carolina which contaminated the drinking water of thousands. And, of course, there is the incredible malfeasance of the biggest banks and financial institutions culminating in the Great Recession of 2008. We all know how many "people" went to jail in that one. (Hint: The next indictment will be the first.)

But I close with our favorite automobile company, General Motors. This sorry story goes back to 2001 when GM engineers discovered that faulty ignition switches were prone to ignition...of the entire vehicle. The "powers that be" at GM decided on the best course of action...shut up. As a result of this exercise in corporate omerta, thirteen "people" died. True, GM was on the ropes for much of the Bush years; mostly because twenty years of substandard auto production had begun to take a toll. When Barack Obama bailed them out, the last thing they needed was a recall. (Hey, who would participate in "Cash for Clunkers" if you were just getting another clunker?)  I'm sure the chairman at the time, Rick Wagoner was able to sleep nights knowing that he was protecting the jobs of 220,000 people in 400 facilities on six continents. After all, he was at war with Japan and well, people die in wars. Right?
I won't bother to ask you if Mr. Wagoner is currently a guest at Muskegon Correctional  Facility. He isn't and he's not likely to be. Go figure.

So what have we learned from our little saunter down memory lane, boys and girls? We have learned that corporations are people as long as it involves lobbying, campaign contributions and other forms of free speech. When it comes to the sorts of personal responsibilities that all actual people must acknowledge, such as doing the time having done the crime, companies are somehow excused. Corporations can kill you with impunity and apparently immunity. No one is ever at fault.

The courts have ruled that a collection of people with a common interest has the rights afforded to the members as individuals. OK but why don't the sins of the group fall back on the individuals who make up the the collective? When does the corporate decision-making process become a criminal conspiracy with blame attached to all conspirators? First-hand knowledge or active participation is no defense for the driver of the get-away car in a holdup. If you are engaged in an illegal act or conspire with those who are, you are guilty. Believe me, the first time that the FBI raids a corporate board room and shuffles the board members into waiting paddy wagons much of the corporate sanctioned homicide will stop. Honestly, who wouldn't love to see Lloyd Blankfein, Chairman of Goldman Sachs, marched out onto Wall St. with a raincoat over his head and his greedy hands cuffed behind him?

We demand justice but we're not barbarians (except maybe Texas). How about if the entire board of directors of BP is forced to work on an oil rig for a year? GM executives must only drive their company's most unsafe car...which is apparently all of them. Coal mine owners who hold other lives so cheaply should be made to pick up a pick. Mitt, if corporations are people, how is it they hate healthcare? Real people don't. Why do they balk at minimum wage increases? Real people need a decent wage.  Why are they sending jobs to China when real people want the jobs in the U.S.? They're not people Mitt, they're cyborgs. Having seen you run for President I can see how you might get confused.

...or should colleges "teach manners" before "teaching tolerance"?

Liberals are insufferable. I should know. If they're not careful, they can make themselves cross-eyed from looking down their noses at everyone else. Being on the side of the angels most of the time can, over time, cause liberals to see themselves as morally superior.  Naturally, that leads to  a sense that those who espouse a contradictory stance are inferior beings. Liberals see themselves as the well educated,  urbane, well-dressed guardians of the culture. Liberals know which fork to use for each course, which wine goes with what meat and which pre-school will most likely lead their brilliant offspring to the ivies. They see conservatives as the unwashed denizens of fly-over states. For those misguided souls forks are irrelevant when eating McDonald's French fries: PBR goes well with everything, including Count Chocula and pre-school is the lady down the street who watches kids for  $2.00 an hour while you work at Walmart. Face it, liberals never think of the mega-rich Koch Brothers as the poster boys for right-wingers. It's more likely Larry the Cable Guy.




However, recent events at America's institutions of higher learning have put a lie to the notion that liberals are always the best and the brightest. The actions of several universities have caused the elbow-patched jackets of the liberal elite to appear a bit frayed. Within the last few weeks, invitations to commencement speakers at three universities have been unceremoniously withdrawn.

At Smith College, student and faculty protest caused the school to rescind a speaking invitation to IMF Chairman Christine Legarde. (Seriously Ms. Legarde wears white hair with more style than anyone you have ever seen.)


It seems that some folks at this Massachusetts institution of higher learning  feel that they can learn nothing from the woman who controls the world's checkbook. Apparently, they object to the monetary policies of the IMF and, rather than listen to her thoughts and theories, the guardians of political correctness at Smith relented and withdrew the invite. Considering the esoteric nature of world capitalism, it's refreshing to discover that any college student body is passionate about something besides each other and football. (At UConn. substitute basketball.) Nevertheless, denying Ms. Legarde the opportunity to address the graduating seniors because of the decisions made where she works is small-minded and pejorative; actions truly unbecoming a group who professes a larger world view.




Meanwhile, a bit further east in the leafy suburbs of Boston, Brandeis University was busy taking in the welcome mat for Ayaan Hirsi Ali.  Ms. Hirsi Ali is a Somalia born Dutch citizen who is famous for attacking Islam's treatment of women. She has lived with death threats from the Muslim world since she collaborated with Dutch filmmaker Theo Van Gogh on a film exposing the quaint  Islamic traditions of honor killings and female genital mutilation. (Van Gogh was murdered by a Muslim attacker in 2004.)


She has traveled extensively in the single pursuit of justice for Muslim women who live in virtual slavery at the hands of their husbands and families. Apparently the plight of women in the Muslim world is less important to the community of scholars at Brandeis than the potential offense to Islam that her speech might present. Wouldn't want to offend a murderous band of crazy people who think drive-by shooting is an acceptable form of political speech. Wow! If I were a member of a religion that treated women like chattel, I wouldn't want to be reminded either. No wonder Howard University invited P Diddy to speak.



And finally we have Rutgers University in sunny New Brunswick, New Jersey. As the state university, Rutgers is expected to act a tad less capriciously that the private institutions mentioned above. After all the state's governor is trying to be President. How would it look if they can't even get the commencement right? Well, first they invited Condoleezza Rice, former Secretary of State, to address the senior class. What...too soon? I guess so. Having been part of the cabal that  bullshitted the country into two wars, the students of New Jersey said "fugetaboutit". (There's actually a correct spelling for that.) Sec. Rice, showing a grace under fire that was absent from her turn at State, bowed out.
Next on deck was Eric LeGrand, a Rutgers football player who was paralyzed while making a tackle in 2010.  He was invited to speak by the school president Dr. Robert Barchi. A week later he was cashiered by the athletic director (well,  she left a voice mail) saying that LeGrand had been bumped by former governor Thomas Kean. Ouch! Fifteen yards for unnecessary roughness. Time for some traffic problems in New Brunswick.


This just in... Haverford College in Pennsylvania has withdrawn a commencement invitation to Robert Birgeneau, former president at UC Berkley in response to student disapproval. Seriously? The man who ran the  Cooperstown of liberalism wasn't politically correct enough for Haverford?



Naturally we expect college students to protest. That's what they do. And it's usually the uber-liberals who take offense over everything including the racist segregation of the salt and pepper in the student union. What is troubling is the lack of spine that is evident among the adults who run these institutions. In past years, student protests were met with the indifference they deserved. Student revolt was the price you pay for having 15,000 fairly bright people on your campus with too much free time. Participation in student rebellions are often the only way some kids can get laid. Students expect to be ignored. It fuels their rage and makes them feel righteous.


I was frankly a bit embarrassed that my  own beloved alma mater Fordham University, invited Tito Martinez, former NY Yankee first baseman to address the graduation class. True, Martinez has an Olympic Gold Medal and four World Series rings. He was a fan fav and apparently an all-around good guy. Still the selection comes up a bit short in the prestige department. OK I'm a snob but it's a good school and I would have liked to see Michael Bloomberg or Hillary C. (Hey, she lives right up the street, right?) That said I suspect the faculty senate felt they had little to fear from an invitation to a Cuban-American first baseman. Any protest is likely to come from the few campus supporters of the Boston Red Sox and who would listen to them...especially in the Bronx?