Items you may have missed...
Former president Jimmy Carter has just released his new book, “Palestine: Peace Not Apartheid”. This volume is Mr. Carter’s 21st. It’s now official: Jimmy Carter has written more books than George Bush has read…not counting “The Pet Goat”, which he was unable to finish.
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Michael Vick, quarterback for the struggling Atlanta Falcons, apologized today for extending two middle-finger salutes to heckling fans after the Falcons loss to the New Orleans Saints. Mr. Vick said that he was sorry that he only had two hands, and therefore only two middle-fingers to express his feelings to the citizens of Atlanta. Vick has promised to enroll in the Jeremy Shockey School for Anger Management when the season ends.
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Retail sales on "black friday" (the Friday after Thanksgiving) were up 19% this year with many shoppers waiting hours outside stores and malls. One tee-shirt was in particular demand this season. The shirt carries the WalMart logo over the words, "I have no life". The egregious garment comes equipped with its own gravy stains.
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The entertainment world was stunned to learn that Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson were calling it quits after four months (that's 1,2,3,4 months) of wedded bliss. The couple had been married in three separate ceremonies over last summer. A spokesman for Ms. Anderson has suggested that Pamela's next nuptuals will be as part of the annual Sun Yung Moon ceremony in Yankee Stadium where she will marry all the men present.
In accordance with the community-property laws of the State of California, Mr. Rock said he expects to be awarded at least one of Pamela's breasts in the settlement.
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Barbara and Jenna Bush, daughters of president-for-the-moment George W. Bush are continuing their vacation in Buenos Aires after Jenna Bush had her purse stolen. Serious concerns were expressed by the White House in that the purse contained a lipstick, Ms. Bush's driver liscense, a comb, and the Republican plan stablizing the situation in Iraq. Undaunted, the twins have decided to stay the course.
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The Mathew Brady Photo Library has released several recently discovered photographs taken during the weeks surrounding the assassination of President Lincoln. One of the photos appears to have been taken immediately after the president died. Included in the photo are Vice-president Andrew Johnson, Secretary of the Treasury Simon Chase, Interior Secretary James Harlen and Reverand Al Sharpton. Historians were not particularly surprised to see the Rev. Sharpton in the photo, but were amazed that the Rev. Jesse Jackson had been somehow cropped out.
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President Bush landed in Tallinn, Estonia on Monday on his way to a NATO conference in Riga, Latvia which begins today. Upon landing, Mr. Bush was heard to remark that he was amazed at how many countries there were that he had never heard of. Having recently watched the film, "Borat", the president was shocked to learn that Kazakhstan is a real place. He immediately began searching a nearby atlas for Freedonia and Sylvania.
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Dr. David Mininberg, a physican in New York City, presented a study Monday at the annual meeting of the Radiological Society of America, which proves conclusively that King Tutankhamun was not killed by his enemies. Dr. Mininberg, who is an expert on Egyptian medicine, performed several CT scans on the mummy. His findings have not only put the King Tut murder theory to rest, but have also prompted producer Jerry Bruckheimer to begin work on a new TV series staring Omar Sharif to be called, "CSI, Cairo".
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Sunday, November 26, 2006
...or would you do almost anything to make Yoko Ono go away?
As you perused The New York Times this past Sunday morning you may have spent a minute on the back cover of the "Week in Review" section. (Frank Rich is on vacation so you would have had an extra few minutes.) The message there was written, and presumably paid for, by the only person in America - and maybe the world - that doesn’t dislike Yoko Ono. It consisted of ten paragraphs of the most self-important drivel that you are likely ever to read.
Written as an open letter (to whom, I have no idea), the advertorial reminds us that December 8th is the 26th anniversary of John Lennon’s death. Yoko opines that the world hardly needs reminding. After all, doesn’t everyone remember exactly where they were when John was struck down in front of the Dakota?
The great tragedy of John Lennon's death is that it left the rest of us with the martyr's widow. Yoko has been standing on the body of her husband for so long that she would look strange alone. After all this time, she is still nothing more than the widowed wife of a Beatle. Her primary talent is that she has no talent of her own. As a writer, singer, artist, producer, poet, activist, stage-mom, and whatever additional endeavours John's wealth can support, she remains merely the junior partner of JohnandYoko.
Yoko and I do, however, share one sentiment. In her letter, she says that she doesn't know if "...she is ready to forgive the one who pulled the trigger." Amen to that. How can we possibly forgive Mark David Chapman? Not only did he murder the voice of a generation; he left us with Yoko.
Mrs. Lennon has opposed all four parole petitions for Mark Chapman so it's clear that her liberal charity hasn't made it as far as Attica. One suspects that if John were still alive, he would have shown a little more compassion. C'est la vie!
Nevertheless, should you find yourself near Central Park West in the next few weeks, let your mind drift back to a Monday night in December of 1980 when a senseless act of voilence silenced an artist with perfect pitch for his generation and left us with his tone-deaf wife. How's that for instant karma?
Written as an open letter (to whom, I have no idea), the advertorial reminds us that December 8th is the 26th anniversary of John Lennon’s death. Yoko opines that the world hardly needs reminding. After all, doesn’t everyone remember exactly where they were when John was struck down in front of the Dakota?
The great tragedy of John Lennon's death is that it left the rest of us with the martyr's widow. Yoko has been standing on the body of her husband for so long that she would look strange alone. After all this time, she is still nothing more than the widowed wife of a Beatle. Her primary talent is that she has no talent of her own. As a writer, singer, artist, producer, poet, activist, stage-mom, and whatever additional endeavours John's wealth can support, she remains merely the junior partner of JohnandYoko.
Yoko and I do, however, share one sentiment. In her letter, she says that she doesn't know if "...she is ready to forgive the one who pulled the trigger." Amen to that. How can we possibly forgive Mark David Chapman? Not only did he murder the voice of a generation; he left us with Yoko.
Mrs. Lennon has opposed all four parole petitions for Mark Chapman so it's clear that her liberal charity hasn't made it as far as Attica. One suspects that if John were still alive, he would have shown a little more compassion. C'est la vie!
Nevertheless, should you find yourself near Central Park West in the next few weeks, let your mind drift back to a Monday night in December of 1980 when a senseless act of voilence silenced an artist with perfect pitch for his generation and left us with his tone-deaf wife. How's that for instant karma?
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
...were you surprised to learn that even Rupert Murdoch has a conscience?
There's an old joke that says, from now on lawyers will be used in laboratory experiments instead of rats. The reasons given were that:
- Lawyers are easier to find;
- You are less likely to become emotionally attached to them;
- and, there are some things that rats just won't do.
It now appears that there are some things that even Fox just won't do.
In case you've missed it, News Corp. and its publishing and broadcast arms (HarperCollins and Fox Entertainment) were about to release a book and a two-part interview with America's favorite un-convicted murderer, OJ Simpson. The book, titled, "If I Did It" was, if you believe in miracles, written by Mr. Simpson. At the last minute, Rupert Murdoch, ever-sensitive to the feelings of his adopted country, rode in from Australia and stopped the entire project.
This concept smelled so bad that the Fulton Fish Market was thinking of moving their operation to Jersey. Even Bill O'Reilly, the only American that doesn't hold his nose while passing 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., condemned the project.
And who do we have to thank for this bit of bottom-feeding entertainment? Why it's Judith Regan. Ms. Regan has made a career at The National Enquirer and HarperCollins by publishing books by porn star Jenna Jameson and former New Jersey Gov. Jim MeGreevey (post-outing, I presume). So successful was Ms. Regan at redefining the term "lowest common denominator" that she was given her own imprint, "Regan". I'm guessing that there is a sign in her office that says, "No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public". Hopefully, she is now humming the words to "One Toke Over The Line".
Still, Ms. Regan can hardly be blamed for thinking there is nothing that Fox Broadcasting won't do for a buck. The network that brought you, "Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire" and "Celebrity Boxing" would hardly be expected to find a two hour infomercial about OJ's book in bad taste. Face it, Fox wouldn't know bad taste if it ran up Rupert Murdoch's pant leg and bit him on the bollocks.
What Fox does understand is revenue. When this "programming" was announced, advertisers and Fox affiliates started running away faster than George Bush from a text book. (By the way, did you hear that three colleges in Texas are vying for the "privilege" of housing the George W. Bush Presidential Library? I wonder if it will contain a copy of "The Pet Goat"?) TV stations that would gladly line up for a chance to broadcast, "Who Wants to Eat a Urinal Cake" were jumping ship right and left. Not a single advertiser could be found to support this dreck. Even Lamisil, easily the most disgusting advertiser in creation, said no thanks.
Madison Ave. showed more class than the national book vendors. Borders said that they would sell the book but donate the proceeds to charity. Barnes & Nobles said that they would not stock the book but they would order copies if so requested. Stop it! How about a statement that says, "We here at Publishers-R-Us believe in the First Amendment. Orenthal James Simpson has the right to publish anything he wants. However, our stores wouldn't handle his book with asbestos mittens. It's degrading to the trees that were cut down to make the paper. Thank you."
To make matters worse, Ms. Regan tried to enlist the families of Nicole Brown-Simpson and Ron Goldman to "help" with the project. Actually, what News Corp. did was attempt to bribe the families into silence. The theory was that if either of the families took the money, they couldn't express outrage at the broadcast or the book. Thank God, both families declined.
Ultimately, Murdoch himself had to intervene. His statement would leave the impression that he was uninvolved in the original concept. Puh-leeze! No one at News Corp. would dare to green-light this bag of burning manure without checking with the big cheese. He gave himself just enough plausible deny-ability so that if the outcry became deafening, he could always rescue the ship.
I barely know enough adjectives to express my revulsion at this attempt to exploit what may be the worst miscarriage of justice since Dred Scott. It is encouraging that enough people in America were offended by this disaster that they were able to get it scrapped. Had the interview actually aired, I shudder to think how many of us would have been tempted to watch.
Presumably, OJ got the $3.5 million that News Corp. promised him. My fervent wish is that the contract included a one-way ride back to the golf course from which he was plucked. America never needs to hear from this man again. If the Pro Football Hall of Fame had any guts, they would relocate OJ's bust to a room that would only be visited by those who felt the call of nature.
It's too late to put this creep in jail. (Why is it that the only twelve people in the entire universe that think OJ is innocent were sitting on his jury?) Our only recourse is to make OJ Simpson invisible. And while we're at it, how about we make Judith Regan invisible too.
- Lawyers are easier to find;
- You are less likely to become emotionally attached to them;
- and, there are some things that rats just won't do.
It now appears that there are some things that even Fox just won't do.
In case you've missed it, News Corp. and its publishing and broadcast arms (HarperCollins and Fox Entertainment) were about to release a book and a two-part interview with America's favorite un-convicted murderer, OJ Simpson. The book, titled, "If I Did It" was, if you believe in miracles, written by Mr. Simpson. At the last minute, Rupert Murdoch, ever-sensitive to the feelings of his adopted country, rode in from Australia and stopped the entire project.
This concept smelled so bad that the Fulton Fish Market was thinking of moving their operation to Jersey. Even Bill O'Reilly, the only American that doesn't hold his nose while passing 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., condemned the project.
And who do we have to thank for this bit of bottom-feeding entertainment? Why it's Judith Regan. Ms. Regan has made a career at The National Enquirer and HarperCollins by publishing books by porn star Jenna Jameson and former New Jersey Gov. Jim MeGreevey (post-outing, I presume). So successful was Ms. Regan at redefining the term "lowest common denominator" that she was given her own imprint, "Regan". I'm guessing that there is a sign in her office that says, "No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public". Hopefully, she is now humming the words to "One Toke Over The Line".
Still, Ms. Regan can hardly be blamed for thinking there is nothing that Fox Broadcasting won't do for a buck. The network that brought you, "Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire" and "Celebrity Boxing" would hardly be expected to find a two hour infomercial about OJ's book in bad taste. Face it, Fox wouldn't know bad taste if it ran up Rupert Murdoch's pant leg and bit him on the bollocks.
What Fox does understand is revenue. When this "programming" was announced, advertisers and Fox affiliates started running away faster than George Bush from a text book. (By the way, did you hear that three colleges in Texas are vying for the "privilege" of housing the George W. Bush Presidential Library? I wonder if it will contain a copy of "The Pet Goat"?) TV stations that would gladly line up for a chance to broadcast, "Who Wants to Eat a Urinal Cake" were jumping ship right and left. Not a single advertiser could be found to support this dreck. Even Lamisil, easily the most disgusting advertiser in creation, said no thanks.
Madison Ave. showed more class than the national book vendors. Borders said that they would sell the book but donate the proceeds to charity. Barnes & Nobles said that they would not stock the book but they would order copies if so requested. Stop it! How about a statement that says, "We here at Publishers-R-Us believe in the First Amendment. Orenthal James Simpson has the right to publish anything he wants. However, our stores wouldn't handle his book with asbestos mittens. It's degrading to the trees that were cut down to make the paper. Thank you."
To make matters worse, Ms. Regan tried to enlist the families of Nicole Brown-Simpson and Ron Goldman to "help" with the project. Actually, what News Corp. did was attempt to bribe the families into silence. The theory was that if either of the families took the money, they couldn't express outrage at the broadcast or the book. Thank God, both families declined.
Ultimately, Murdoch himself had to intervene. His statement would leave the impression that he was uninvolved in the original concept. Puh-leeze! No one at News Corp. would dare to green-light this bag of burning manure without checking with the big cheese. He gave himself just enough plausible deny-ability so that if the outcry became deafening, he could always rescue the ship.
I barely know enough adjectives to express my revulsion at this attempt to exploit what may be the worst miscarriage of justice since Dred Scott. It is encouraging that enough people in America were offended by this disaster that they were able to get it scrapped. Had the interview actually aired, I shudder to think how many of us would have been tempted to watch.
Presumably, OJ got the $3.5 million that News Corp. promised him. My fervent wish is that the contract included a one-way ride back to the golf course from which he was plucked. America never needs to hear from this man again. If the Pro Football Hall of Fame had any guts, they would relocate OJ's bust to a room that would only be visited by those who felt the call of nature.
It's too late to put this creep in jail. (Why is it that the only twelve people in the entire universe that think OJ is innocent were sitting on his jury?) Our only recourse is to make OJ Simpson invisible. And while we're at it, how about we make Judith Regan invisible too.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
...or is anyone surprised that OJ is back?
I knew this would happen! It was just a matter of time before some TV executive would stand up at a meeting and proclaim, " I have an idea. Let's do something with OJ Simpson!" Actually, are you surprised that Fox is the purveyor of this sleeze. Even Al Jazeera has more class. Pretty soon America's favorite double murderer will be on Oprah. Then perhaps he'll sing the national anthem at the Super Bowl.
Spare me the, "innocent 'til proven guilty" speech. The American judicial system is still trying to live that trial down. Paging Judge Ito. Jack McCoy could have convicted this guy...and, in under an hour.
This creep deserves to be in San Quentin or in hell. He does not deserve to be on TV unless he's doing the "perp walk". Rupert Murdoch should be ashamed. (Like Rupert Murdoch is capable of shame.)
Please do not watch this interview no matter how curious you might be; and don't even touch the book. The only punishment available to America at this point is total ostracism. Ignore this creep.
Spare me the, "innocent 'til proven guilty" speech. The American judicial system is still trying to live that trial down. Paging Judge Ito. Jack McCoy could have convicted this guy...and, in under an hour.
This creep deserves to be in San Quentin or in hell. He does not deserve to be on TV unless he's doing the "perp walk". Rupert Murdoch should be ashamed. (Like Rupert Murdoch is capable of shame.)
Please do not watch this interview no matter how curious you might be; and don't even touch the book. The only punishment available to America at this point is total ostracism. Ignore this creep.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
...or am I the only Democrat that's glad to see Trent Lott back on top
Attend the tale of Trent Lott. Way back in the dark days of 2002, the Congress threw a little party for Strom Thurmond of South Carolina. At the time, Old Strom was really "Old Strom". He was about 141 years old. In South Carolina the motto is, why vote for someone who endorses segregation when you can elect someone who actually owned slaves.Thurmond served in the Senate for 48 years. That's longer than Ted Kennedy.
Anyway, at the party Trent Lott, then Senate Majority Leader, was asked to say a few words. If Trent had been lucky enough to trip on his way to the podium and fall off the dais he might have escaped with only a skit on Saturday Night Live. Unfortunately, he made it to the lectern and proceeded to drop kick his career into the nearest commode. Sen. Lott referenced Thurmond's 1948 run for the presidency on the States Rights Democratic ticket. As you might imagine this was not an especially progressive band of brothers. (There were actually no "brothers" anywhere to be seen.) Trent allowed that "if the country had followed our lead (Lott hails from Mississippi which went for Thurmond in '48) we wouldn't have had all these problems over the years either."
This seemingly small compliment to an old man was immediately taken as absolute proof that Lott was a pro-segregationist racist. Faster than you can say Jim Crow, Trent was out of the Senate leadership and almost out of the Senate. No one would return his calls. The White House acted like he had been sprayed by a skunk. Even the camera-shy Rev. Jackson took a few shots. Once again, no good deed goes unpunished.
However, if you accept John Kerry's story that he screwed up a joke (some people shouldn't try to be funny) rather than attempting to insult the intelligence of the people in the military, then you have to feel sorry for Trent Lott. His attempt at flattery cost him four years in Senatorial Siberia.
Recently in from the cold, Senator Lott was named Senate Minority Leader for 2007. I'm sure that the good senator has learned his lesson. For one thing, he can begin to understand the suffering of the minority. Also, if he should be invited to the David Duke Prayer Breakfast, he would be advised to make an excuse. Just say your doing a guest appearance on Saturday Night Live.
Anyway, at the party Trent Lott, then Senate Majority Leader, was asked to say a few words. If Trent had been lucky enough to trip on his way to the podium and fall off the dais he might have escaped with only a skit on Saturday Night Live. Unfortunately, he made it to the lectern and proceeded to drop kick his career into the nearest commode. Sen. Lott referenced Thurmond's 1948 run for the presidency on the States Rights Democratic ticket. As you might imagine this was not an especially progressive band of brothers. (There were actually no "brothers" anywhere to be seen.) Trent allowed that "if the country had followed our lead (Lott hails from Mississippi which went for Thurmond in '48) we wouldn't have had all these problems over the years either."
This seemingly small compliment to an old man was immediately taken as absolute proof that Lott was a pro-segregationist racist. Faster than you can say Jim Crow, Trent was out of the Senate leadership and almost out of the Senate. No one would return his calls. The White House acted like he had been sprayed by a skunk. Even the camera-shy Rev. Jackson took a few shots. Once again, no good deed goes unpunished.
However, if you accept John Kerry's story that he screwed up a joke (some people shouldn't try to be funny) rather than attempting to insult the intelligence of the people in the military, then you have to feel sorry for Trent Lott. His attempt at flattery cost him four years in Senatorial Siberia.
Recently in from the cold, Senator Lott was named Senate Minority Leader for 2007. I'm sure that the good senator has learned his lesson. For one thing, he can begin to understand the suffering of the minority. Also, if he should be invited to the David Duke Prayer Breakfast, he would be advised to make an excuse. Just say your doing a guest appearance on Saturday Night Live.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
...or is it just too demanding to be a good liberal?
Anyone who has read more than one or two of these musings knows that isitjustme dresses a little to the left. Still, being a liberal entails more than just lampooning George W. Bush and extolling the virtues of Bill Maher. (no challenge there) To be a true liberal (small “L”) one must be tolerant of ideas that differ from your own. You are required to accept the concept that people with thoughts and beliefs so ridiculous as to be comical, are nevertheless, entitled to respect. (except Rush Limbaugh)
Conservatives have it easier. If your sentiments run toward the rigid, right-wing, neocons; no judgement is required . Something either agrees with your narrow view of the world or it’s wrong. Period. Either you whole-heartedly support the war in Iraq or you’re a traitor. Simple.
An article in today’s news, however, caused this writer to reevaluate his liberal credentials. It seems that the widows of two combat veterans are suing the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs because the government will not allow them to carve a Wiccan symbol on their husbands’ headstones. You just can’t make this stuff up.
Wiccans, as you may know, worship the Earth and are often referred to as white witches or pagans. The religion is a bit free-form but harmless. There thought to be over 134,000 Wiccans in America and, approximately 1,800 active servicemen who list Wiccan as their religion. That preference is noted on their dog tags. If one of them is wounded, I have no idea what sort of clergy is summoned, or what kind of incantation or spell is performed. (See, a true liberal would never make a remark like that.) Although I am not aware that any Wiccans are numbered among my friends, I'm sure that they are nice folks. They have as much right to have their religion recognized as anyone especially if they are expected to serve.
The Department of Veterans Affairs lists an astounding 38 different symbols that can be inscribed on headstones. For the complete list please consult http://www.cem.va.gov/cem/hm/hmemb.asp. Anyone out there who can name more than ten gets the isitjustme order of merit. Recognized symbols include:
Fifteen variations on the Christian cross (I defy you to draw more than six)
One symbol for Atheists (which is not a blank space)
A number of Asian groups who could certainly hold their North American Congress in a booth at Burger King.
And two symbols (Muslim and Christian Scientists) whose insignia cannot be displayed on the website for copyright reasons. I assume that the gravestones that display these emblems carry a circled “R” in the lower right corner. Disclaimer optional.
One sanctioned group is the Eckankars. The specifics on their beliefs are a little fuzzy but I do know that they were founded by Paul Twitchell of Paducah, KY in 1965. How this group managed to make the list and the Wiccans didn't is an issue that only the veterans affairs folks can answer. The University of Virginia has a great site on modern religions if you are considering a change.
As a card-carrying member of the ACLU, I am obliged to treat all beliefs with deference. Who am I to say that Catholicism is a bona fide religion and the Tenrikyo Church members are cultist nuts? Membership is a poor gauge. Just because your church mailing list would fit on a post-it note doesn’t mean that you lack credibility. Aren’t we all God’s/ Buddha's children?
However, if the family members of deceased veterans are given free reign on the choice of grave markers - where will it end? Agnostics will demand a question mark. Worshipers of the NBA will require a basketball (the old style, if you please). And speaking of Old Style, what of the beer affectionatos? You can see where all of this might lead. Diversity is one thing, but too much variety causes chaos. After all, in the immortal words of Frank Burns, “Individuality is fine as long as we all do it together”.
For the time being, thirty-eight choices would appear to be sufficient. If your particular brand of worship isn’t represented; stage a rally, call the media, contact Al Sharpton, (no wait....if you call the media, you won’t need to call Rev. Sharpton) and state your case to the microphones. As for me, I’ll be at the First Church of Al Franken seeking guidance on how to be a better liberal.
Conservatives have it easier. If your sentiments run toward the rigid, right-wing, neocons; no judgement is required . Something either agrees with your narrow view of the world or it’s wrong. Period. Either you whole-heartedly support the war in Iraq or you’re a traitor. Simple.
An article in today’s news, however, caused this writer to reevaluate his liberal credentials. It seems that the widows of two combat veterans are suing the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs because the government will not allow them to carve a Wiccan symbol on their husbands’ headstones. You just can’t make this stuff up.
Wiccans, as you may know, worship the Earth and are often referred to as white witches or pagans. The religion is a bit free-form but harmless. There thought to be over 134,000 Wiccans in America and, approximately 1,800 active servicemen who list Wiccan as their religion. That preference is noted on their dog tags. If one of them is wounded, I have no idea what sort of clergy is summoned, or what kind of incantation or spell is performed. (See, a true liberal would never make a remark like that.) Although I am not aware that any Wiccans are numbered among my friends, I'm sure that they are nice folks. They have as much right to have their religion recognized as anyone especially if they are expected to serve.
The Department of Veterans Affairs lists an astounding 38 different symbols that can be inscribed on headstones. For the complete list please consult http://www.cem.va.gov/cem/hm/hmemb.asp. Anyone out there who can name more than ten gets the isitjustme order of merit. Recognized symbols include:
Fifteen variations on the Christian cross (I defy you to draw more than six)
One symbol for Atheists (which is not a blank space)
A number of Asian groups who could certainly hold their North American Congress in a booth at Burger King.
And two symbols (Muslim and Christian Scientists) whose insignia cannot be displayed on the website for copyright reasons. I assume that the gravestones that display these emblems carry a circled “R” in the lower right corner. Disclaimer optional.
One sanctioned group is the Eckankars. The specifics on their beliefs are a little fuzzy but I do know that they were founded by Paul Twitchell of Paducah, KY in 1965. How this group managed to make the list and the Wiccans didn't is an issue that only the veterans affairs folks can answer. The University of Virginia has a great site on modern religions if you are considering a change.
As a card-carrying member of the ACLU, I am obliged to treat all beliefs with deference. Who am I to say that Catholicism is a bona fide religion and the Tenrikyo Church members are cultist nuts? Membership is a poor gauge. Just because your church mailing list would fit on a post-it note doesn’t mean that you lack credibility. Aren’t we all God’s/ Buddha's children?
However, if the family members of deceased veterans are given free reign on the choice of grave markers - where will it end? Agnostics will demand a question mark. Worshipers of the NBA will require a basketball (the old style, if you please). And speaking of Old Style, what of the beer affectionatos? You can see where all of this might lead. Diversity is one thing, but too much variety causes chaos. After all, in the immortal words of Frank Burns, “Individuality is fine as long as we all do it together”.
For the time being, thirty-eight choices would appear to be sufficient. If your particular brand of worship isn’t represented; stage a rally, call the media, contact Al Sharpton, (no wait....if you call the media, you won’t need to call Rev. Sharpton) and state your case to the microphones. As for me, I’ll be at the First Church of Al Franken seeking guidance on how to be a better liberal.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
...or should America stop tearing itself apart over Roe v Wade?
The sound you heard across America on last week was Democrats patting themselves on the back and high-fiving each other. Having just swept the House and the Senate, the long suffering party of FDR and Jack Kennedy could once again hold its ideological head erect and look forward to two years of making George W. Bush the lamest of lame ducks. (In the lame dept., George has had a pretty good head start.)
However, now that the cheering has died, Democrats should take a serious look at why they won on Tuesday and how to make that success work for them in '08 and beyond.
First, many Americans didn't vote for the Democratic candidate. They voted against George Bush. Whether the contest was in West Virginia or Colorado; whether the seat was in the House or Senate; regardless of the dirty campaigns waged by the candidates; people voted against the Bush war. The message couldn't be more clear... Americans are sick to death of George and his war and they want out...now.
This sentiment was so overwhelming that even the Christian right was willing to ignore the fact that the Democrats are the party of abortion and gay marriage. If it takes something as unpopular as the Bush war to galvanize Christians to vote for a non-Christian issue, maybe there's a message here. Maybe it's time to stop giving Republicans the abortion club with which to beat national Democratic candidates. It may be time to allow Roe v Wade to be overturned.
By returning the abortion question to the states, we prevent inferior candidates like George W. from succeeding by professing a close personal relationship with God. Christians will be forced to make decisions like the rest of us. People of faith will (hopefully) choose a president based on his experience (Bush had none) and his accomplishments on the world stage (not just in Texas). Foreign policy, taxes, immigration and American security will become the real issues again. Face-it, my Christian brothers, in six years George W. Bush has done nothing to advance your cause on abortion. If this surprises you...it shouldn't.
Nevertheless, in 2008 we will play out the same scenario. The Republican candidate will stand fore-square for family values and against a women's right to choose. The Democrat, fearful of alienating his female base, will mumble something about being opposed to abortion personally, but...blah, blah. Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell will rush to the microphones to condemn the Godless Democrats and, once again, in a close race, a dolt like George W. Bush will emerge victorious. Karl Rove wins, America looses.
As the recent election has shown, the issues facing America are too important to be decided by a president elected over one issue; and a fringe issue at that.
Scrapping Rowe will work severe hardships on many American women. As usual, those women effected most will be at the bottom of the socio-economic scale. However, some states, (New York, California, Illinois, Vermont) will continue to permit choice, and private charities can be organized to help poor women get to those states. It won't be perfect, but we can figure something out.
Gay marriage has already been consigned to a similar fate. Until Americans wake up to the fact that gay citizens pose no threat to any aspect of human endeavor, individual states will continue to enact petty, small-minded legislation, persecuting people over their sexual orientation. This unfortunate (and hopefully transient) situation should, however, never find its was on to the national political stage. (To my gay friends, I'm sorry but you can't win this at the national level, and it's distracting.)
Abortion and gay marriages are recent issues. Prior to 1973, no one would ever have dreamed of raising the idea of legalizing abortion. Gay rights were unheard of. In the 33 years since Harry Blackmun wrote for the majority in Roe, we have made abortion the single most polarizing issue in American politics, with gay marriage close behind. Enough! These should not be the issues that determine who takes America to war and who spends American tax dollars. There are many important issues that Americans should consider before trekking to the polls in November 2008. The decision should never be automatic. Let's make it hard this time by throwing the litmus tests in the trash.
However, now that the cheering has died, Democrats should take a serious look at why they won on Tuesday and how to make that success work for them in '08 and beyond.
First, many Americans didn't vote for the Democratic candidate. They voted against George Bush. Whether the contest was in West Virginia or Colorado; whether the seat was in the House or Senate; regardless of the dirty campaigns waged by the candidates; people voted against the Bush war. The message couldn't be more clear... Americans are sick to death of George and his war and they want out...now.
This sentiment was so overwhelming that even the Christian right was willing to ignore the fact that the Democrats are the party of abortion and gay marriage. If it takes something as unpopular as the Bush war to galvanize Christians to vote for a non-Christian issue, maybe there's a message here. Maybe it's time to stop giving Republicans the abortion club with which to beat national Democratic candidates. It may be time to allow Roe v Wade to be overturned.
By returning the abortion question to the states, we prevent inferior candidates like George W. from succeeding by professing a close personal relationship with God. Christians will be forced to make decisions like the rest of us. People of faith will (hopefully) choose a president based on his experience (Bush had none) and his accomplishments on the world stage (not just in Texas). Foreign policy, taxes, immigration and American security will become the real issues again. Face-it, my Christian brothers, in six years George W. Bush has done nothing to advance your cause on abortion. If this surprises you...it shouldn't.
Nevertheless, in 2008 we will play out the same scenario. The Republican candidate will stand fore-square for family values and against a women's right to choose. The Democrat, fearful of alienating his female base, will mumble something about being opposed to abortion personally, but...blah, blah. Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell will rush to the microphones to condemn the Godless Democrats and, once again, in a close race, a dolt like George W. Bush will emerge victorious. Karl Rove wins, America looses.
As the recent election has shown, the issues facing America are too important to be decided by a president elected over one issue; and a fringe issue at that.
Scrapping Rowe will work severe hardships on many American women. As usual, those women effected most will be at the bottom of the socio-economic scale. However, some states, (New York, California, Illinois, Vermont) will continue to permit choice, and private charities can be organized to help poor women get to those states. It won't be perfect, but we can figure something out.
Gay marriage has already been consigned to a similar fate. Until Americans wake up to the fact that gay citizens pose no threat to any aspect of human endeavor, individual states will continue to enact petty, small-minded legislation, persecuting people over their sexual orientation. This unfortunate (and hopefully transient) situation should, however, never find its was on to the national political stage. (To my gay friends, I'm sorry but you can't win this at the national level, and it's distracting.)
Abortion and gay marriages are recent issues. Prior to 1973, no one would ever have dreamed of raising the idea of legalizing abortion. Gay rights were unheard of. In the 33 years since Harry Blackmun wrote for the majority in Roe, we have made abortion the single most polarizing issue in American politics, with gay marriage close behind. Enough! These should not be the issues that determine who takes America to war and who spends American tax dollars. There are many important issues that Americans should consider before trekking to the polls in November 2008. The decision should never be automatic. Let's make it hard this time by throwing the litmus tests in the trash.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
or would seeing new places be more fun if we didn't have to travel to get there?
The guy who said that getting there was half the fun either hasn't left home since 1975 or he enjoys the sort of experience shared by cattle as they accept the hospitality of the Swift Meat Packing Co.
As many of you know, isitjustme & co recently returned from a few days abroad. Although I love Europe I am, after all, an American and therefore find one or two continental nuances a touch irritating. With an eye toward alerting travelers to the perils and pitfalls of international travel, the following observations are presented for your consideration.
Throughout the world, hotels of all stripes are beseeching guests to save the planet by reusing the towels in their rooms. I am not convinced that hotels are now the last/best hope of saving the environment. A small card with an illustration of gazelles romping on the veldt urgently requests that customers wring just one more day out of their face cloths. This pitch appears a trifle disingenuous. Perhaps a drawing of several illegal aliens slaving over a vat of scalding soap and water would be more convincing. Personally, I' d rather see a picture of Bill Marriott counting those extra few cents he pockets each time I reuse a dirty hand towel.
And speaking of washing, is there some rule that Europeans must express their commitment to personal hygiene by providing hotel soap whose surface area approximates that of a Chicklet. Soap can't be so expensive that hotels need to find cakes that would fit in an ATM slot. At least the management should offer options similar to those offered regarding the size of the bed. "Monsieur, would you like our standard accommodation with the aspirin-sized soap or would you like to upgrade to the superior room with the eraser-size.
Some European affectations are easier to understand than others. Soap, after all is probably just an economic issue. On the other hand, I cannot for the life of me, understand why public toilets in Europe are not uniformly equipped with seats. On at least half a dozen occasions (at my age you get to see a lot of powder rooms) the commodes in the mens room were sans seat. I am reliably informed that the ladies rooms are similarly ill-equipped. Perhaps they've been purloined. Could be that Europeans are distrustful of American aim?
For men, this situation ranks as more of a curiosity than hardship however most women would rather walk funny all day than avail themselves of a stool that would look more at home in a cell at Rykers Island. The EU should deny membership to any country whose comfort stations don't afford the same minimal accommodation found in a Topeka, Kansas Citgo station.
Europeans also appear to be a trusting lot. I cannot tell you how many train and bus tickets I purchased in Italy that were never collected or examined. Occasionally there would be some sort of ticket reading machine but it rarely got much use. If New York City adopted this cavalier attitude with its subways and buses, their revenue would diminish by half overnight. Also, many of the city's subway patrons would be deprived of the excellent exercise afforded them by turnstile jumping. Italians just don't feel that ticket enforcement is worth the trouble.
This laissez faire attitude extends also to parking. Cars in Italy are ubiquitous and tiny. As a result, Italians park literately anywhere that their cars will fit. A Smart Car can be parked perpendicular to the curb on a street where the rest of the cars are horizontal while only protruding into the street by a few inches. Also there are a million scooters. Those get parked on the sidewalk, in storefronts, and in building courtyards. They move in packs like locusts. Any American foolish enough to drive in Rome will quickly discover that , "death by scooter" is a very real possibility.
All this carping might give you the impression that travel in Europe is a trial. Well, it isn't ...and even if it were, it would be worth it. Any time you get the opportunity to stand under the dome of St Peters or the streets of Pompeii, or view the Bay of Naples from a balcony in Sorrento; you realize that you didn't come all this way to take a shower or use the rest rooms. What the hell. Go native. Shower when you get home.
As many of you know, isitjustme & co recently returned from a few days abroad. Although I love Europe I am, after all, an American and therefore find one or two continental nuances a touch irritating. With an eye toward alerting travelers to the perils and pitfalls of international travel, the following observations are presented for your consideration.
Throughout the world, hotels of all stripes are beseeching guests to save the planet by reusing the towels in their rooms. I am not convinced that hotels are now the last/best hope of saving the environment. A small card with an illustration of gazelles romping on the veldt urgently requests that customers wring just one more day out of their face cloths. This pitch appears a trifle disingenuous. Perhaps a drawing of several illegal aliens slaving over a vat of scalding soap and water would be more convincing. Personally, I' d rather see a picture of Bill Marriott counting those extra few cents he pockets each time I reuse a dirty hand towel.
And speaking of washing, is there some rule that Europeans must express their commitment to personal hygiene by providing hotel soap whose surface area approximates that of a Chicklet. Soap can't be so expensive that hotels need to find cakes that would fit in an ATM slot. At least the management should offer options similar to those offered regarding the size of the bed. "Monsieur, would you like our standard accommodation with the aspirin-sized soap or would you like to upgrade to the superior room with the eraser-size.
Some European affectations are easier to understand than others. Soap, after all is probably just an economic issue. On the other hand, I cannot for the life of me, understand why public toilets in Europe are not uniformly equipped with seats. On at least half a dozen occasions (at my age you get to see a lot of powder rooms) the commodes in the mens room were sans seat. I am reliably informed that the ladies rooms are similarly ill-equipped. Perhaps they've been purloined. Could be that Europeans are distrustful of American aim?
For men, this situation ranks as more of a curiosity than hardship however most women would rather walk funny all day than avail themselves of a stool that would look more at home in a cell at Rykers Island. The EU should deny membership to any country whose comfort stations don't afford the same minimal accommodation found in a Topeka, Kansas Citgo station.
Europeans also appear to be a trusting lot. I cannot tell you how many train and bus tickets I purchased in Italy that were never collected or examined. Occasionally there would be some sort of ticket reading machine but it rarely got much use. If New York City adopted this cavalier attitude with its subways and buses, their revenue would diminish by half overnight. Also, many of the city's subway patrons would be deprived of the excellent exercise afforded them by turnstile jumping. Italians just don't feel that ticket enforcement is worth the trouble.
This laissez faire attitude extends also to parking. Cars in Italy are ubiquitous and tiny. As a result, Italians park literately anywhere that their cars will fit. A Smart Car can be parked perpendicular to the curb on a street where the rest of the cars are horizontal while only protruding into the street by a few inches. Also there are a million scooters. Those get parked on the sidewalk, in storefronts, and in building courtyards. They move in packs like locusts. Any American foolish enough to drive in Rome will quickly discover that , "death by scooter" is a very real possibility.
All this carping might give you the impression that travel in Europe is a trial. Well, it isn't ...and even if it were, it would be worth it. Any time you get the opportunity to stand under the dome of St Peters or the streets of Pompeii, or view the Bay of Naples from a balcony in Sorrento; you realize that you didn't come all this way to take a shower or use the rest rooms. What the hell. Go native. Shower when you get home.
...or is Seattle going beyond the beyond?
Forget the war in Iraq. Ignore the immigration issue. Put aside world terrorism and militant Islam. The real issue in America is being decided in Seattle... lap dancing.
Voters in this tech-savvy city will pull their lever (sorry) to decide whether to begin enforcing the "four-foot rule". (This is not to be confused with the four-legged rule which deals with dating sheep.)
According to this latest bit of moralistic claptrap, exotic dancers in strip clubs will be required to maintain a distance of four feet from leering patrons. That sort of defeats the purpose of lap dancing. The only person in America with a four foot lap is Dennis Hastert. But wait there's more. In addition, the lighting in these establishments must be equivalent to that of an office. That's a mood killer. Also, patrons cannot give money directly to dancers. (This last rule seems superfluous because, at four feet, only Yuo Ming could tuck a twenty into a g-string). Suppose you wanted to hand it to her? (OK I'll stop now!)
You can't make this stuff up!
America is at war, for Christ's sake, and the people of Seattle are diddling over when the bumps and grinds of hard working girls violates the local ordinance. How about deciding how far away from the atomic button George Bush must stand before anyone in this country feels safe? Can you picture the Seattle Inspector General running around the Stiletto Lounge with a light meter and a tape measure.
I can't wait for the first raid of a strip joint in Seattle. (There are four, by the way.) The Seattle Times reported, "...as City Councilman Woodman was dragged into the waiting patrol car he was heard to protest, 'I was just checking the lighting'."
This sort of foolishness is what comes of too much Christian-Republican Nannyism. When the world was different, true conservatives like Barry Goldwater espoused the belief that government should stay out of people's lives. Today, the Christian-right stays up nights thinking up new laws to tell me how to live. The only joy is that each new day brings another episode of, "Scandal rocks the God-squad".
In the most recent installment, Ted Haggard, former president of the National Evangelical Association, resigned in disgrace after he was outed as having paid a male prostitute for a "massage". (In Seattle, a massage must be given from across the room...with mittens.)Ted had been a vocal gay-basher in Washington for 30 years. If there is a God, (and I'm sure there is) he /she must think that this stuff is better than Mel Brooks. It's getting so that the last thing a man on his knees is thought to be doing is praying.
But, back to Seattle. Although I would never be seen in a strip club, (so that's why the lights are low!) I will defend to the death the rights of my fellow man to fold twenties lengthwise and deposit them in an interpretive dancers college fund. Citizens of America, arise (sorry, again) Beat back these puritanical bluenoses. Make the world safe for the g-string. After you go to the polls spend a little time at the pole.
Voters in this tech-savvy city will pull their lever (sorry) to decide whether to begin enforcing the "four-foot rule". (This is not to be confused with the four-legged rule which deals with dating sheep.)
According to this latest bit of moralistic claptrap, exotic dancers in strip clubs will be required to maintain a distance of four feet from leering patrons. That sort of defeats the purpose of lap dancing. The only person in America with a four foot lap is Dennis Hastert. But wait there's more. In addition, the lighting in these establishments must be equivalent to that of an office. That's a mood killer. Also, patrons cannot give money directly to dancers. (This last rule seems superfluous because, at four feet, only Yuo Ming could tuck a twenty into a g-string). Suppose you wanted to hand it to her? (OK I'll stop now!)
You can't make this stuff up!
America is at war, for Christ's sake, and the people of Seattle are diddling over when the bumps and grinds of hard working girls violates the local ordinance. How about deciding how far away from the atomic button George Bush must stand before anyone in this country feels safe? Can you picture the Seattle Inspector General running around the Stiletto Lounge with a light meter and a tape measure.
I can't wait for the first raid of a strip joint in Seattle. (There are four, by the way.) The Seattle Times reported, "...as City Councilman Woodman was dragged into the waiting patrol car he was heard to protest, 'I was just checking the lighting'."
This sort of foolishness is what comes of too much Christian-Republican Nannyism. When the world was different, true conservatives like Barry Goldwater espoused the belief that government should stay out of people's lives. Today, the Christian-right stays up nights thinking up new laws to tell me how to live. The only joy is that each new day brings another episode of, "Scandal rocks the God-squad".
In the most recent installment, Ted Haggard, former president of the National Evangelical Association, resigned in disgrace after he was outed as having paid a male prostitute for a "massage". (In Seattle, a massage must be given from across the room...with mittens.)Ted had been a vocal gay-basher in Washington for 30 years. If there is a God, (and I'm sure there is) he /she must think that this stuff is better than Mel Brooks. It's getting so that the last thing a man on his knees is thought to be doing is praying.
But, back to Seattle. Although I would never be seen in a strip club, (so that's why the lights are low!) I will defend to the death the rights of my fellow man to fold twenties lengthwise and deposit them in an interpretive dancers college fund. Citizens of America, arise (sorry, again) Beat back these puritanical bluenoses. Make the world safe for the g-string. After you go to the polls spend a little time at the pole.
Monday, November 06, 2006
...or is death no barrier in politics?
Strange but true?
While dozing in front of the TV on the night before the election, I was startled by my ringing phone. Another political call, I mused, while attempting to reach the handset before the magic fourth ring sent the call into voicemail. But this was no ordinary election eve message.
"Hello. This is Ronald Wilson Reagan.
I don't normally return from the dead to make these kinds of calls. I hated them when I was alive. They would always wake me up during those boring cabinet meetings.
Nevertheless, Karl Rove came to California, said a few words in an ancient language over my grave, and, here I am. (at least in Chicago the dead only come back to vote)
Well, as long as I've been resurrected, I might as well remind you to vote tomorrow for George Allen, Republican from Virginia, (by way of California) in the Senatorial.
George is a fine boy. It's true that he hasn't had an original thought since he won the seat in 2000, but the ideas that Dick Cheney has given him are better anyway. Besides,his father, George Allen, was the former coach of the Washington Redskins and, isn't that what really counts. After all, I played a football hero in a movie and look how well that worked out.
George's opponent, Jim Webb was, for a short time, my Secretary of the Navy. We had a falling out over what color to paint the ships and he quit. That sort of independent thinking has no place in the modern Republican party. Fortunately, thanks to Rove, Rumsfeld, Cheney, Wolfowitz and the boys, almost no one ever disagrees with the party doctrine...for long.
Well, I'm getting a little tired now so I'll say goodbye. Don't forget to vote for your local Republican. We are not perfect but we're never wrong. I realize that, like George W., some of my policies were misguided but at least we got rid of Daniel Ortega."
While dozing in front of the TV on the night before the election, I was startled by my ringing phone. Another political call, I mused, while attempting to reach the handset before the magic fourth ring sent the call into voicemail. But this was no ordinary election eve message.
"Hello. This is Ronald Wilson Reagan.
I don't normally return from the dead to make these kinds of calls. I hated them when I was alive. They would always wake me up during those boring cabinet meetings.
Nevertheless, Karl Rove came to California, said a few words in an ancient language over my grave, and, here I am. (at least in Chicago the dead only come back to vote)
Well, as long as I've been resurrected, I might as well remind you to vote tomorrow for George Allen, Republican from Virginia, (by way of California) in the Senatorial.
George is a fine boy. It's true that he hasn't had an original thought since he won the seat in 2000, but the ideas that Dick Cheney has given him are better anyway. Besides,his father, George Allen, was the former coach of the Washington Redskins and, isn't that what really counts. After all, I played a football hero in a movie and look how well that worked out.
George's opponent, Jim Webb was, for a short time, my Secretary of the Navy. We had a falling out over what color to paint the ships and he quit. That sort of independent thinking has no place in the modern Republican party. Fortunately, thanks to Rove, Rumsfeld, Cheney, Wolfowitz and the boys, almost no one ever disagrees with the party doctrine...for long.
Well, I'm getting a little tired now so I'll say goodbye. Don't forget to vote for your local Republican. We are not perfect but we're never wrong. I realize that, like George W., some of my policies were misguided but at least we got rid of Daniel Ortega."
...or should we think twice about executing Saddam Hussein?
Oh right, we aren't executing Hussein. He was found guilty and sentenced by the Iraqi Court system. If you believe that the heavy hand of the Bush crowd isn't behind this, then you also believe that those pesky weapons of mass distruction are still out there. No one in the Iraq government can take a phone call without checking with their handlers in Washington. This trial was better-choreographed than "A Chorus Line" and about as original.
We can agree on a few things:
Saddam Hussein is a bad guy.
Saddam Hussein deserves to die; preferably slowly and painfully.
The world would be a better place without him in it.
As a corpse, he is less likely to restore the Baath party to former glory, (maybe the most important issue).
All true - however, the new government of Iraq may wish to think twice about having a state-sanctioned killing as it's first public act. It may just be the wrong message to send in a country that is trying to stop the violence.
There does appear to be a real fear among the Shiites that while Saddam is alive there is always the possibility of his return to power. The people of Iraq have little reason to trust that the United States won't allow the Baathists to regain control as a means to reintroduce order to a chaotic situation. The irony of that scenario would be funny if it weren't so tragic.
Bush 41 (aka, the old man) encouraged the people of Iraq to rebel after the first Gulf War and promptly authorized Saddam to use his military, including air power, to squash the rebels. This sort of double-cross has put a real dent in the credibitily of American foreign policy.
Saddam will probably be hanged and the American government can claim plausable deniability. The Iraqi people will assume that it's business as usual; violence begets violence. The world can say "good riddance", but don't be surprised to hear the people of Baghdad singing the word of that old song by The Who, "I'll tip my hat to the new constitution... we won't get fooled again."
We can agree on a few things:
Saddam Hussein is a bad guy.
Saddam Hussein deserves to die; preferably slowly and painfully.
The world would be a better place without him in it.
As a corpse, he is less likely to restore the Baath party to former glory, (maybe the most important issue).
All true - however, the new government of Iraq may wish to think twice about having a state-sanctioned killing as it's first public act. It may just be the wrong message to send in a country that is trying to stop the violence.
There does appear to be a real fear among the Shiites that while Saddam is alive there is always the possibility of his return to power. The people of Iraq have little reason to trust that the United States won't allow the Baathists to regain control as a means to reintroduce order to a chaotic situation. The irony of that scenario would be funny if it weren't so tragic.
Bush 41 (aka, the old man) encouraged the people of Iraq to rebel after the first Gulf War and promptly authorized Saddam to use his military, including air power, to squash the rebels. This sort of double-cross has put a real dent in the credibitily of American foreign policy.
Saddam will probably be hanged and the American government can claim plausable deniability. The Iraqi people will assume that it's business as usual; violence begets violence. The world can say "good riddance", but don't be surprised to hear the people of Baghdad singing the word of that old song by The Who, "I'll tip my hat to the new constitution... we won't get fooled again."
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