Dear President Clinton,
Jesus, Bill. Your wife isn't going to be the Democratic nominee for president. Get over it!
Please stop traveling around America k'vetshing that the election was unfair. Compared to what, Bush - Gore? You can tell your supporters that Hillary was treated differently because she's a woman but, if she weren't a woman (and your wife) she would still be a partner at the Rose law Firm. Every time you opens your mouth it's embarrassing and a little sad.
And while we're at it, she isn't going to be the nominee for vice president either. Can you imagine the newly minted President Obama trying to deal with you chewing on his ear? "When I was President, we did it this way". Jeez! Obama can't even make you a judge. You've been disbarred. And exactly how long would it be before you got caught waving Little Willie at some intern or a member of a White House tour group?
Sorry Hil, your husband makes Jimmy Carter's family look like the Coolidges.
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New question for the women of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints:
Dearie, who is doing your hair, Zohan?
It's bad enough that you have to appear in public in those "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers" costumes but at least ditch the "gold rush" do. Retro is fine but do you really have to return to a time before mousse?
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If you check the dictionary under "insidious" there will almost certainly be a photo of your 43rd President. The current administration has politicized government the way commercialism has invaded NASCAR.
The latest bit of cynical manipulation involves the White House censoring and distorting the scientific information emanating from the climate change division at NASA. It seems that administration appointees in the public affairs office of NASA felt the need to clean up the "inaccuracy and factual insufficiency" produced by one of America's best scientific sources on climate change. The hubris required to encourage a PR flak to rewrite scientific reports to conform to White House dogma boggles the mind. George W. Bush wouldn't understand global warming if his cowboy hat spontaneously combusted. The President should stick to subjects that he understands. As soon as we think of one we'll call him.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
...or is John McCain carrying more baggage than the make-up artist with Cher's road show?
Two words: "Keating Five".
Ah! How quickly we forget!
The short version (for those of us with ADD) is that in 1989 there was a shifty guy named Charles Keating. He ran Lincoln Saving and Loan Corp. in California which failed after making some questionable loans in commercial real estate. When the Feds, in the person of Federal Home Loan Bank Board chief Edwin Gray, began investigating, a committee of five Senators told him to back off. Those senators: Alan Cranston (D-CA), Dennis DeConcini (D-AZ), John Glenn (D-OH), Donald Riegle (D-MI) and "The Old Straight Shooter" John McCain (R-AZ). As it turns out, McCain had received $115,000 in campaign contributions from Keating and his family. That was the most of any of the five senators. Keating ultimately went to jail and Cranston was censured. McCain and Glenn swore that they only participated because he heard cake was being served.
True, Senator McCain was only "criticized for questionable conduct" by the Senate in 1991 but it wouldn't take much of a "swiftboating" to make this a summer-long story. How about if Charles Keating comes forward to describe how McCain promised to make Chairman Gray, "an offer he can't refuse".
Presumably Senator McCain has learned several valuable lessons:
Never go to a meeting where you're the only Republican.
Always get the money in cash.
Never believe anyone about cake.
Tragically, Charles Keating is not the only skeleton in John McCain's closet. There are also the circumstances surrounding his romance with his current wife; the lovely and wealthy Cindy McCain. Young John met the Phoenix school teacher in 1979 and worked diligently on their relationship. Unfortunately, he arrived for work a little early. He began dating her in '79 but didn't get divorced from the first Ms. McCain until 1980. This isn't much of a scandal (Rudy Giuliani was the king of overlapping love affairs) but it will nonetheless give the bloggers something to write about. Ms. McCain has also refused, for all time, to release her tax records. She has, under extreme pressure, recently published a summery of her finances. Why all the secrecy, Cindy?
McCain will also have to deal with his party-hearty reputation from his days in the military. Unlike George W. Bush, McCain's family doesn't have the resources to bury the transgressions of their offspring. You can expect to see many interviews throughout the campaign with former drinking buddies reminiscing about the good old days in Pensacola.
Yes my friends, the "straight-talk express" will have some 'splainin' to do come Sept. and beyond. By the time it's all over Senator McCain may wish that his biggest problem was a crazy pastor from the church he attended in Phoenix.
Ah! How quickly we forget!
The short version (for those of us with ADD) is that in 1989 there was a shifty guy named Charles Keating. He ran Lincoln Saving and Loan Corp. in California which failed after making some questionable loans in commercial real estate. When the Feds, in the person of Federal Home Loan Bank Board chief Edwin Gray, began investigating, a committee of five Senators told him to back off. Those senators: Alan Cranston (D-CA), Dennis DeConcini (D-AZ), John Glenn (D-OH), Donald Riegle (D-MI) and "The Old Straight Shooter" John McCain (R-AZ). As it turns out, McCain had received $115,000 in campaign contributions from Keating and his family. That was the most of any of the five senators. Keating ultimately went to jail and Cranston was censured. McCain and Glenn swore that they only participated because he heard cake was being served.
True, Senator McCain was only "criticized for questionable conduct" by the Senate in 1991 but it wouldn't take much of a "swiftboating" to make this a summer-long story. How about if Charles Keating comes forward to describe how McCain promised to make Chairman Gray, "an offer he can't refuse".
Presumably Senator McCain has learned several valuable lessons:
Never go to a meeting where you're the only Republican.
Always get the money in cash.
Never believe anyone about cake.
Tragically, Charles Keating is not the only skeleton in John McCain's closet. There are also the circumstances surrounding his romance with his current wife; the lovely and wealthy Cindy McCain. Young John met the Phoenix school teacher in 1979 and worked diligently on their relationship. Unfortunately, he arrived for work a little early. He began dating her in '79 but didn't get divorced from the first Ms. McCain until 1980. This isn't much of a scandal (Rudy Giuliani was the king of overlapping love affairs) but it will nonetheless give the bloggers something to write about. Ms. McCain has also refused, for all time, to release her tax records. She has, under extreme pressure, recently published a summery of her finances. Why all the secrecy, Cindy?
McCain will also have to deal with his party-hearty reputation from his days in the military. Unlike George W. Bush, McCain's family doesn't have the resources to bury the transgressions of their offspring. You can expect to see many interviews throughout the campaign with former drinking buddies reminiscing about the good old days in Pensacola.
Yes my friends, the "straight-talk express" will have some 'splainin' to do come Sept. and beyond. By the time it's all over Senator McCain may wish that his biggest problem was a crazy pastor from the church he attended in Phoenix.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
...or is watching the American President on his knees a sight no one should see?
Have the children look away. No one under the age of eighteen should be allowed to watch. The White House press corp should switch off their cameras and recorders from a sense of sheer decency. The Leader of the Free World, America's Fearless Leader, the man who stood amid the rubble of the towers and threatened anyone who would attack America, Old Mister "Bring it on" has been reduced to a beggar on the world stage. If he weren't such a jerk I could almost feel sorry for him. Naaaaaaaaah!
George W. Bush packed up his prayer rug last week and headed for Saudi Arabia. He went, ten-gallon hat-in-hand, to implore the king of the sand dunes to pretty please increase the flow of oil so that Americans wouldn't have to pay $4.00 a gallon to fill their SUV's. What a disgrace! The country that survived the attack on Pearl Harbor, won the Cold War and, by force of will, put a man on the moon in ten years, is reduced to grovelling to a dress-wearing goat herder for a gallon of regular.
The President makes a great target here (and everywhere else!) but he isn't the only villain in the piece. Americans have spent the last twenty-nine years (the time since the Carter "energy crisis") using the size of their car as the outward manifestation of their prosperity. They should have been bending over right next to George. Detroit has been feeding us a steady diet of Explorers, Escalades, Yukons, and, of course, Hummers and we couldn't get enough. The next time you see a V-8 Chevy Blazer with an "I love America" bumper sticker, punch out his tail lights.
We have the best scientists (imported from Asia & India) and the best engineers (having immigrated from India and Germany). Do you think, maybe, we could have figured out a way to use a little less oil? We still can and we still should. China and India are burning all the petrol they can get and their thirst is increasing every day. If you think that Iraq is a war for oil, wait 'til China, with a million men under arms, joins the fight.
The next time you see an article in the paper about a robbery at a gas station don't be surprised if the sub head reads, "The thief left the cash and made off with a tank full of premium". America: the size of your car will not compensate for inadequate equipment under the hood. Our National pride should be worth more than the size of your Land Cruiser...or your trouser-monkey.
George W. Bush packed up his prayer rug last week and headed for Saudi Arabia. He went, ten-gallon hat-in-hand, to implore the king of the sand dunes to pretty please increase the flow of oil so that Americans wouldn't have to pay $4.00 a gallon to fill their SUV's. What a disgrace! The country that survived the attack on Pearl Harbor, won the Cold War and, by force of will, put a man on the moon in ten years, is reduced to grovelling to a dress-wearing goat herder for a gallon of regular.
The President makes a great target here (and everywhere else!) but he isn't the only villain in the piece. Americans have spent the last twenty-nine years (the time since the Carter "energy crisis") using the size of their car as the outward manifestation of their prosperity. They should have been bending over right next to George. Detroit has been feeding us a steady diet of Explorers, Escalades, Yukons, and, of course, Hummers and we couldn't get enough. The next time you see a V-8 Chevy Blazer with an "I love America" bumper sticker, punch out his tail lights.
We have the best scientists (imported from Asia & India) and the best engineers (having immigrated from India and Germany). Do you think, maybe, we could have figured out a way to use a little less oil? We still can and we still should. China and India are burning all the petrol they can get and their thirst is increasing every day. If you think that Iraq is a war for oil, wait 'til China, with a million men under arms, joins the fight.
The next time you see an article in the paper about a robbery at a gas station don't be surprised if the sub head reads, "The thief left the cash and made off with a tank full of premium". America: the size of your car will not compensate for inadequate equipment under the hood. Our National pride should be worth more than the size of your Land Cruiser...or your trouser-monkey.
Thursday, May 08, 2008
...or has Rush Limbaugh migrated from oxycontin to oxymoron?
Item:
I don't care what flavor of politics you favor, no one should be happy about Rush Limbaugh,aka: the big, fat, idiot, attempting to manipulate the American electoral process for his own amusement. In a sane country (that would be a place where issues are more important than flag lapel pins) the hubris of a radio airbag believing that he can shape political events from behind a microphone would be laughable. Sadly, we live in a place where a staggering number of people actually hang on this guy's every word. This would be the same country where more people vote for American Idol than president.
It would be one thing to cheer for a candidate whose policies he supports or to belittle the views of the opposition - that is his right. However, encouraging your listener/lemmings to vote for candidates from the other party for the sole purpose of extending the nomination process is reprehensible. Has it ever occurred to this baboon that, by encouraging bad electoral behavior, he is promoting chaos just because he can? If you really care about America you want the two best possible candidates running in November. That way, regardless of who wins, America is in capable hands. It was the underhanded politics and disgraceful tactics of the Republican party in 2000 that gave the country George the Lesser instead of John McCain. How's that working out for you?
If a single Limbaugh devotee really cared about the United States they would disavow this tactic and change the channel. The cynicism of Rush Limbaugh degrades us all.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Item:
Hillary, go home! It's over.
Senator Clinton says that she's staying in the race until there is a winner. Hil, baby, there is a winner. He's a skinny black guy.
Do your party a favor and return to Chappaqua or Washington or the Rose Law Firm; anywhere but West Virginia.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Item:
Sami al-Hagg, a former photographer for Al-Jazeera (that's a news network not a Simpsons character) was released from the U.S. detention facility at Guantanamo Bay...after six years. No charges were ever filed. No court ever heard his case. He simply became one of the 775 "detainees" sacrificed to the post 9-11 vengeance of the Bush administration. Having slept through the summer of 2001, the Bushes were determined to appear responsive. Sympathizers and fellow travelers were rounded up all over the world and dumped in a prison that Amnesty International calls "the gulag of our times". These people have served sentences longer than many murderers in America.
Where's the outrage people? Did the attacks on Sept 11,2001 revoke our status as the good guys?
The only way that anyone in this country will express any emotion about this stain on our conscience is if CBS interrupts an episode of Survivor to expose the problem. Just watch the outrage then!
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Item:
Osama Hussein need not apply.
Some U.S. air marshals are being refused a seat on flights because their name appears on no-fly lists.
It has been 6 1/2 years since 9-11. You would think that we might have figured this issue out by now. This is just another example of the stellar contractors that have done such a bang-up job in Iraq.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Item:
An Arkansas man awaiting trial on murder charges has filed a federal lawsuit claiming that the portion sizes of the meals in prison are causing him to lose weight. Originally incarcerated at a robust 413 pounds, the skimpy chow in the hoosegow has him at a svelte 330. The Arkansas Department of Corrections is contemplating a partnership with Kirstie Alley to promote the "Death Row Diet." The slogan, "Eat like there's no tomorrow and still lose weight."
____________________________________________________________________________________
Item:
Speaking of death row...Georgia just couldn't wait to give the needle to William Earl Lynd. (Are all killers required to have three names?) Now that the Supremes have green-lighted a resumption of executions, prisons all over the South are warming up their gurneys and restocking their medicine cabinets with sodium thiopenthal, pancuronium bromide and potassium chloride. The Texas death house looks like a bakery on Sunday morning. They're giving out numbers.
Isitjustme has always opined that, assuming we get it right, the death penalty is an effective way of taking out the trash. Some folks have just worn out their welcome. The problem is, we seem to be getting it wrong too often. Once is the definition of "too often."
The Innocence Project has been instrumental in the release of 216 inmates across America using DNA testing; 16 from death row. Of the 216 wrongfully convicted, 69% were black or Latino. (Everyone who is surprised, raise your hand.) Because Texas and many other bloodthirsty states destroy the evidence after an execution, we may never know how many innocent people died in the "furtherance of justice."
____________________________________________________________________________________
Item:
At a recent public appearence, Vladimer Putin leaned toward the party member sitting to his right and whispered, "Do you want to see a trick that I learned from Dick Cheney?" He then proceeded to drink an entire glass of water while Russia's new president Dmitry Medvedev gave a speech.
I don't care what flavor of politics you favor, no one should be happy about Rush Limbaugh,aka: the big, fat, idiot, attempting to manipulate the American electoral process for his own amusement. In a sane country (that would be a place where issues are more important than flag lapel pins) the hubris of a radio airbag believing that he can shape political events from behind a microphone would be laughable. Sadly, we live in a place where a staggering number of people actually hang on this guy's every word. This would be the same country where more people vote for American Idol than president.
It would be one thing to cheer for a candidate whose policies he supports or to belittle the views of the opposition - that is his right. However, encouraging your listener/lemmings to vote for candidates from the other party for the sole purpose of extending the nomination process is reprehensible. Has it ever occurred to this baboon that, by encouraging bad electoral behavior, he is promoting chaos just because he can? If you really care about America you want the two best possible candidates running in November. That way, regardless of who wins, America is in capable hands. It was the underhanded politics and disgraceful tactics of the Republican party in 2000 that gave the country George the Lesser instead of John McCain. How's that working out for you?
If a single Limbaugh devotee really cared about the United States they would disavow this tactic and change the channel. The cynicism of Rush Limbaugh degrades us all.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Item:
Hillary, go home! It's over.
Senator Clinton says that she's staying in the race until there is a winner. Hil, baby, there is a winner. He's a skinny black guy.
Do your party a favor and return to Chappaqua or Washington or the Rose Law Firm; anywhere but West Virginia.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Item:
Sami al-Hagg, a former photographer for Al-Jazeera (that's a news network not a Simpsons character) was released from the U.S. detention facility at Guantanamo Bay...after six years. No charges were ever filed. No court ever heard his case. He simply became one of the 775 "detainees" sacrificed to the post 9-11 vengeance of the Bush administration. Having slept through the summer of 2001, the Bushes were determined to appear responsive. Sympathizers and fellow travelers were rounded up all over the world and dumped in a prison that Amnesty International calls "the gulag of our times". These people have served sentences longer than many murderers in America.
Where's the outrage people? Did the attacks on Sept 11,2001 revoke our status as the good guys?
The only way that anyone in this country will express any emotion about this stain on our conscience is if CBS interrupts an episode of Survivor to expose the problem. Just watch the outrage then!
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Item:
Osama Hussein need not apply.
Some U.S. air marshals are being refused a seat on flights because their name appears on no-fly lists.
It has been 6 1/2 years since 9-11. You would think that we might have figured this issue out by now. This is just another example of the stellar contractors that have done such a bang-up job in Iraq.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Item:
An Arkansas man awaiting trial on murder charges has filed a federal lawsuit claiming that the portion sizes of the meals in prison are causing him to lose weight. Originally incarcerated at a robust 413 pounds, the skimpy chow in the hoosegow has him at a svelte 330. The Arkansas Department of Corrections is contemplating a partnership with Kirstie Alley to promote the "Death Row Diet." The slogan, "Eat like there's no tomorrow and still lose weight."
____________________________________________________________________________________
Item:
Speaking of death row...Georgia just couldn't wait to give the needle to William Earl Lynd. (Are all killers required to have three names?) Now that the Supremes have green-lighted a resumption of executions, prisons all over the South are warming up their gurneys and restocking their medicine cabinets with sodium thiopenthal, pancuronium bromide and potassium chloride. The Texas death house looks like a bakery on Sunday morning. They're giving out numbers.
Isitjustme has always opined that, assuming we get it right, the death penalty is an effective way of taking out the trash. Some folks have just worn out their welcome. The problem is, we seem to be getting it wrong too often. Once is the definition of "too often."
The Innocence Project has been instrumental in the release of 216 inmates across America using DNA testing; 16 from death row. Of the 216 wrongfully convicted, 69% were black or Latino. (Everyone who is surprised, raise your hand.) Because Texas and many other bloodthirsty states destroy the evidence after an execution, we may never know how many innocent people died in the "furtherance of justice."
____________________________________________________________________________________
Item:
At a recent public appearence, Vladimer Putin leaned toward the party member sitting to his right and whispered, "Do you want to see a trick that I learned from Dick Cheney?" He then proceeded to drink an entire glass of water while Russia's new president Dmitry Medvedev gave a speech.
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