Attend the tale of Shirley Sherrod.
Before this week Ms. Sherrod was one of 105,000 nameless, faceless bureaucrats who toil away unnoticed in the gargantuan machine of government. Her role was director of Rural Development in Georgia. (Why anyone would want to develop rural Georgia is a topic for another day.) Shirley Sherrod might have worked in Georgia for another three or four years (she is currently 62) and drifted happily into retirement. But nooooooo!
Ms. Sherrod accepted an invitation to address a March meeting of the Georgia NAACP. She had a tale to tell. It was a story about race perception and race reality. It involved a time when she was working for the Southern Cooperative/Land Assistance Fund, a non-profit organization in Georgia helping black farmers. When a white farmer, Roger Spooner, came to her for help, she was initially inclined to "send him to his own people". Ms. Sherrod is a Georgia native. When she was seventeen her father was shot in the back by a white man. No charges were filed. However, Ms. Sherrod overcame these original feelings and ultimately helped Mr. Spooner keep his farm. "If it hadn't been for her, we wouldn't have known who to see or what to do" says Mr. Spooner. So the happy ending to the story is that Shirley Sherrod was able to see past her moment of petty racism and the Spooners and Ms. Sherrod are now great friends. Ah...not so fast...
A low-life teabagger tool named Andrew Breitbart "discovered" Ms. Sharrod's taped speech apparently while searching for communist liberals under his bed. It being a slow news day, Mr. Breitbart decided to edit the tape to appear as if Ms. Sherrod ignored Mr. Spooner's cry for help because he was white. Clearly the act of a black racist. Mr. Breitbart, attempting to justify his despicable treachery, claims that because the NAACP accused elements of the tea party of racism (heaven forfend!) he wanted to show that racism also existed in the ranks of the NAACP. So he edited a tape and had it posted to prove his point. Nice!
Breitbart is an asshat and should be treated as such. The real villains of the piece don't arise until after the offending tape goes viral. News departments all over America decide to run with the story. No one: not ABC, CBS, ABC, Fox, CNN or the Golf Channel ever checked the story or asked to see the entire speech. American news organizations, desperate to appear "fair and balanced" ignored every journalistic rule (mostly the second part of "get it fast but get it right") and rushed into the 24 hour news cycle with garbage. This disgraceful exhibition of knee-jerk journalism was in response to editors fears that Glenn Beck would aggressively scoop them the way he did on Van Jones.
Apparently Beckophobia also runs rampant in the Department of Agriculture and the White House. Tom Vilsack, weak-kneed Secretary of Agriculture, checked no part of the story before demanding Ms. Sherrod's decapitation. (She was actually ordered off a highway so she could tender her resignation by Blackberry.) The White House, doubling down on cowardice, is denying they ordered the firing. Worst of all, the NAACP renounced Ms. Sherrod also without ever bothering to determine the veracity of the accusation. So far the only person to man-up has been Vilsack. His apology at least had the appearance of sincerity.
What has become of our integrity? In what bizarro universe does the Leader of the Free World quake at the feet of a carnival showman like Glenn Beck? Is the compassionate left so fearful of it's positions on race that it searches for any opportunity to vilify, however unjustly, any black person for any perceived transgression? Is the NAACP so unsure of its charter that they would resort to the methods of the lynch mob and condemn without trial? When did formerly respected news organizations get so defensive over accusations of liberal bias that they would decide to air an unverified story about a black women simply because verification looks like liberal bias? Still smarting from the Dan Rather disaster?
And, by the way, so what if a black woman 24 years ago showed a little race bias in Georgia? Black people endured 400 years of slavery and another 130 years of Jim Crow so excuse them if, on occasion, they allow that oppression to cloud their attitudes. What exactly is the white man's excuse for the klan, lynchings and the obvious racism of the tea party? Black people have a reason to hate. What's whitey's story?
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
...or should we have suspected all along?
Sunday, June 27, 2010. The Federal Bureau of Investigation arrested 11 U.S. residents today and plans to charge them with being deep-cover agents, spying for the Russians. Two of the alleged spies are Boston residents Donald Howard Heathfield and his wife Tracy Lee Ann Foley. Heathfield has been working for ten years in the Boston area as a management consultant.
It was right in front of us all the time. All the signs were there. We whispered our suspicions at the office water cooler or at a neighborhood bar after work but rarely in public and never around our company's management. The idea was too fantastic.
We knew what our enemy was capable of. We'd seen the results through the years in Siberia, Hungary and Czechoslovakia. What we discounted was Russian subtlety. We never dreamed the iron-fisted, ham-handed Commissars of the Kremlin possessed this level of cunning and treachery. Now, thanks to the brave and dogged soldiers at the FBI we have uncovered the truth. Archival information is sketchy but, from what we know, we can piece together most of the story.
It was August, 1989. The Soviet Union was crumbling. The Berlin Wall was teetering. The Soviet Committee for State Security, aka, KGB, was holding what might be its last meeting. The mood in the conference room of Moscow's Lubyanka Prison headquarters was grim. KGB Chairman Vladimir Kryuchkov spoke, " Comrades, we are finished. Thanks to Ronald Reagan, Pope John Paul II and Baywatch we can no longer defeat the West. They have more missiles, more tanks and they have MTV. Before we capitulate entirely and become waiters in Russian restaurants in Brighton Beach, are there any ideas as to how we can defeat this hated enemy?"
From the back of the room came the confident voice of Captain Sergei McKinseikov. The young officer had recently returned to the USSR after earning his MBA at Harvard. "Comrade Chairman, having recently come from the United States I can tell you that there is a growing crisis of confidence in American business. Companies that have prospered for many years are being managed by young, over-educated, under-experienced neophytes. They have more experience unhooking women's brassieres in the back of a Lada than running a company. Soon bonuses will begin to suffer and, remembering what they were taught at Yale/Columbia, etc., they will seek guidance from equally clueless strangers known as 'management consultants."
The Chairman interrupted. "Captain, are you suggesting that American corporations, having prospered for decades using methods proven over generations, will suddenly abandon the business models that made them a success and follow the advice of people with no experience in their field? That's madness! No sane competent executive would knowingly choose such a course. In Russia we would send such an executive to our management re-training program in Siberia."
"I realize it sounds crazy, Comrade Chairman, but it is happening. What I am proposing is that we infiltrate these 'management consulting' companies. and people them with well-trained KGB operatives. This can be done while the agents are studying at America's Ivy League Universities. Most of the schools are run by socialists anyway. They won't mind. When the time comes, and believe me it's coming, our people will be in the perfect position to wreak havoc throughout American industry. The beauty of this plan is that the American companies will come to us. All we need are a few laptops and a dictionary of buzz words and catch phrases. One of my classmates at Harvard grossed $3mil last year with only a Dell Dimension and the words ' silos and bandwidth'. Even our Russian accents will seem exotic. We'll tell them that all the new, robust thinking 'from 10,000 feet' and 'six-sigma, best practices' are coming from Eastern Europe." Most of them think the "Far East" means Amagansett. They'll never know.
The Chairman remained skeptical. "I don't know, Captain. The plan sounds expensive. Besides, what if the American executives don't believe the useless advice we give them?"
"But that's just it, Sir" McKinseikov persisted, " the beauty of this plan is that it funds itself. American executives believe that if you charge them staggering fees and bury them in reams of paper, you must certainly be smarter than they are. Look at how much they pay Bill Clinton to read a 30 minute canned speech. We can use the exorbitant revenue from each assignment to pay for the next. And don't forget, American executives are sheep. If Company A hires us to 're-purpose' their once successful business, Company B down the street will feel that they also must redesign. Plus, once the Americans have paid millions for advice, they feel compelled to follow it regardless of how destructive it appears. At Harvard they call this a 'win-win'."
Chairman Kryuchkov was impressed but still cautious. "So, Captian McKinseikov, your plan is to train a group of Russian agents at America's Ivy League schools to become consultants to management. We then set them up in fancy offices with laptop computers. You claim that America's biggest and most successful companies will hire them to completely reorganize what were proven successful business models. Our people will then take this questionable unproven advice and market to those companies competitors? And those competitors will pay even more for the same bad advice? Won't we ultimately get caught? Sooner or later won't American executives get wise to the fact that they are buying air? I mean how long can such a ridiculous concept survive?"
Good Question!
Dosvidanya!
It was right in front of us all the time. All the signs were there. We whispered our suspicions at the office water cooler or at a neighborhood bar after work but rarely in public and never around our company's management. The idea was too fantastic.
We knew what our enemy was capable of. We'd seen the results through the years in Siberia, Hungary and Czechoslovakia. What we discounted was Russian subtlety. We never dreamed the iron-fisted, ham-handed Commissars of the Kremlin possessed this level of cunning and treachery. Now, thanks to the brave and dogged soldiers at the FBI we have uncovered the truth. Archival information is sketchy but, from what we know, we can piece together most of the story.
It was August, 1989. The Soviet Union was crumbling. The Berlin Wall was teetering. The Soviet Committee for State Security, aka, KGB, was holding what might be its last meeting. The mood in the conference room of Moscow's Lubyanka Prison headquarters was grim. KGB Chairman Vladimir Kryuchkov spoke, " Comrades, we are finished. Thanks to Ronald Reagan, Pope John Paul II and Baywatch we can no longer defeat the West. They have more missiles, more tanks and they have MTV. Before we capitulate entirely and become waiters in Russian restaurants in Brighton Beach, are there any ideas as to how we can defeat this hated enemy?"
From the back of the room came the confident voice of Captain Sergei McKinseikov. The young officer had recently returned to the USSR after earning his MBA at Harvard. "Comrade Chairman, having recently come from the United States I can tell you that there is a growing crisis of confidence in American business. Companies that have prospered for many years are being managed by young, over-educated, under-experienced neophytes. They have more experience unhooking women's brassieres in the back of a Lada than running a company. Soon bonuses will begin to suffer and, remembering what they were taught at Yale/Columbia, etc., they will seek guidance from equally clueless strangers known as 'management consultants."
The Chairman interrupted. "Captain, are you suggesting that American corporations, having prospered for decades using methods proven over generations, will suddenly abandon the business models that made them a success and follow the advice of people with no experience in their field? That's madness! No sane competent executive would knowingly choose such a course. In Russia we would send such an executive to our management re-training program in Siberia."
"I realize it sounds crazy, Comrade Chairman, but it is happening. What I am proposing is that we infiltrate these 'management consulting' companies. and people them with well-trained KGB operatives. This can be done while the agents are studying at America's Ivy League Universities. Most of the schools are run by socialists anyway. They won't mind. When the time comes, and believe me it's coming, our people will be in the perfect position to wreak havoc throughout American industry. The beauty of this plan is that the American companies will come to us. All we need are a few laptops and a dictionary of buzz words and catch phrases. One of my classmates at Harvard grossed $3mil last year with only a Dell Dimension and the words ' silos and bandwidth'. Even our Russian accents will seem exotic. We'll tell them that all the new, robust thinking 'from 10,000 feet' and 'six-sigma, best practices' are coming from Eastern Europe." Most of them think the "Far East" means Amagansett. They'll never know.
The Chairman remained skeptical. "I don't know, Captain. The plan sounds expensive. Besides, what if the American executives don't believe the useless advice we give them?"
"But that's just it, Sir" McKinseikov persisted, " the beauty of this plan is that it funds itself. American executives believe that if you charge them staggering fees and bury them in reams of paper, you must certainly be smarter than they are. Look at how much they pay Bill Clinton to read a 30 minute canned speech. We can use the exorbitant revenue from each assignment to pay for the next. And don't forget, American executives are sheep. If Company A hires us to 're-purpose' their once successful business, Company B down the street will feel that they also must redesign. Plus, once the Americans have paid millions for advice, they feel compelled to follow it regardless of how destructive it appears. At Harvard they call this a 'win-win'."
Chairman Kryuchkov was impressed but still cautious. "So, Captian McKinseikov, your plan is to train a group of Russian agents at America's Ivy League schools to become consultants to management. We then set them up in fancy offices with laptop computers. You claim that America's biggest and most successful companies will hire them to completely reorganize what were proven successful business models. Our people will then take this questionable unproven advice and market to those companies competitors? And those competitors will pay even more for the same bad advice? Won't we ultimately get caught? Sooner or later won't American executives get wise to the fact that they are buying air? I mean how long can such a ridiculous concept survive?"
Good Question!
Dosvidanya!
Tuesday, July 06, 2010
...or is hot dog eating to sports what chess is to exercise?
Car wrecks we can't seem to stop looking at.
Item
At what point in our ever-evolving culture did food-consumption become sports? Speaking for myself, the prospect of watching someone stuff wet hot dogs and buns into his face at high speed falls somewhere between freak show and "don't block the door to the vomitorium". The only way glutenous food consumption qualifies as sports is if John Waters is your news producer.
Once upon a time some bright-light MBA at Nathan's Famous, Inc. proposed a hot dog eating contest as a stunt. This simple idea has morphed into two actual associations called the MLE, Major League Eating and the WLOCE, World League of Competitive Eating. (Think WWE except the contestants occasionally say "excuse me" after emitting horrid bodily noises.) These organizations sponsor all manner of pig-outs all over the world. Burgers, Spam, oysters and many other foods are stuffed into "professional" gobs as fans cheer and the clock ticks. So ask yourself: if you're a tea-bagger, where do you go to protest about "getting your country back"? Forget the White House. Take the gang to Coney Island. Not only can you attempt to convert the Joey Chestnut fans, you can have a little lunch. I've seen those tea party rallies. That group has some serious hot dog eaters.
Item
Can someone please explain why gun sales in America are going through the roof? Has the current occupant of the White House made any effort to curtail the sale of firearms? Has Congress attempted to rewrite the Constitution in response to the "Heller" or "McDonald" decisions by the Supremes? Has anyone aside from a few big city mayors even brought the topic up? Is the NRA so influential that they can create a panic among members even in the absence of a threat?
Today's troubling news comes from the Beehive State of Utah. It seems that Utah has the most lenient concealed weapons law of any state in America. Utah requires only that you be 21, take a course, clear a background check and of course, pay a $65.25 fee. The permits are valid in 32 states and are good for five years. Utah issued 74,000 permits last year and is swamped with applications for 2010. If you don't find this troubling...you should. Most people killed in shootings are shot byfamil;y members or people they know. This OK Corral fantasy results in hundreds of needless deaths every year. BTW The first thing lawmen in Dodge City, Tombstone and Silver City did to reduce crime was prohibit the citizenry from carrying guns.
If your paranoia is such that you feel the need to own a gun, neither Barack Obama nor I can do much to stop you. However there is no reason for any citizen to wander the streets of America with a weapon concealed in his clothing or in her handbag. You will most certainly shoot a friend or an acquaintance long before you shoot a felon. Ask yourself: If I witness a crime in progress, would I be likely to draw a gun and start shooting? Is there the slightest expectation that I could hit what I was aiming at? Would it be more likely that I would hit: a cop, a bystander, a hostage? Would I be offended by return fire?
The debate over guns is asinine. No one will convince anyone of anything. There are two interesting facts that Americans should find sobering: currently there are 280,000 handguns in private hands in this Country and, every year we kill about 4,500 kids with guns.
Item
America, I know it's July. Things are a little laid back. Baseball is at the halfway point in the season. (yawn!) The U.S. is out of the World Cup. Football two-a-days are a few weeks off. Still, are we really so stuck for something to distract us that we would devote a full hour of primetime TV to the announcement that a high school graduate from Akron plans to bounce a ball in Miami? It's difficult to judge which is worse: A sports personality who thinks his address is of such earth-shaking import that America would forgo Rachel Maddow or reruns of CSI to watch a TV special about whose little shorts and tank top he will attempt to sell in 2010 and beyond or, a population of sycophant, mouth-breathers who care. LeBron James has the biggest, most outsized ego since, oh, Glenn Beck who just announced he is starting his own university. Headline rewrite " isitjustme or is hot dog eating to sports what Glenn Beck is to education?"
Item
At what point in our ever-evolving culture did food-consumption become sports? Speaking for myself, the prospect of watching someone stuff wet hot dogs and buns into his face at high speed falls somewhere between freak show and "don't block the door to the vomitorium". The only way glutenous food consumption qualifies as sports is if John Waters is your news producer.
Once upon a time some bright-light MBA at Nathan's Famous, Inc. proposed a hot dog eating contest as a stunt. This simple idea has morphed into two actual associations called the MLE, Major League Eating and the WLOCE, World League of Competitive Eating. (Think WWE except the contestants occasionally say "excuse me" after emitting horrid bodily noises.) These organizations sponsor all manner of pig-outs all over the world. Burgers, Spam, oysters and many other foods are stuffed into "professional" gobs as fans cheer and the clock ticks. So ask yourself: if you're a tea-bagger, where do you go to protest about "getting your country back"? Forget the White House. Take the gang to Coney Island. Not only can you attempt to convert the Joey Chestnut fans, you can have a little lunch. I've seen those tea party rallies. That group has some serious hot dog eaters.
Item
Can someone please explain why gun sales in America are going through the roof? Has the current occupant of the White House made any effort to curtail the sale of firearms? Has Congress attempted to rewrite the Constitution in response to the "Heller" or "McDonald" decisions by the Supremes? Has anyone aside from a few big city mayors even brought the topic up? Is the NRA so influential that they can create a panic among members even in the absence of a threat?
Today's troubling news comes from the Beehive State of Utah. It seems that Utah has the most lenient concealed weapons law of any state in America. Utah requires only that you be 21, take a course, clear a background check and of course, pay a $65.25 fee. The permits are valid in 32 states and are good for five years. Utah issued 74,000 permits last year and is swamped with applications for 2010. If you don't find this troubling...you should. Most people killed in shootings are shot byfamil;y members or people they know. This OK Corral fantasy results in hundreds of needless deaths every year. BTW The first thing lawmen in Dodge City, Tombstone and Silver City did to reduce crime was prohibit the citizenry from carrying guns.
If your paranoia is such that you feel the need to own a gun, neither Barack Obama nor I can do much to stop you. However there is no reason for any citizen to wander the streets of America with a weapon concealed in his clothing or in her handbag. You will most certainly shoot a friend or an acquaintance long before you shoot a felon. Ask yourself: If I witness a crime in progress, would I be likely to draw a gun and start shooting? Is there the slightest expectation that I could hit what I was aiming at? Would it be more likely that I would hit: a cop, a bystander, a hostage? Would I be offended by return fire?
The debate over guns is asinine. No one will convince anyone of anything. There are two interesting facts that Americans should find sobering: currently there are 280,000 handguns in private hands in this Country and, every year we kill about 4,500 kids with guns.
Item
America, I know it's July. Things are a little laid back. Baseball is at the halfway point in the season. (yawn!) The U.S. is out of the World Cup. Football two-a-days are a few weeks off. Still, are we really so stuck for something to distract us that we would devote a full hour of primetime TV to the announcement that a high school graduate from Akron plans to bounce a ball in Miami? It's difficult to judge which is worse: A sports personality who thinks his address is of such earth-shaking import that America would forgo Rachel Maddow or reruns of CSI to watch a TV special about whose little shorts and tank top he will attempt to sell in 2010 and beyond or, a population of sycophant, mouth-breathers who care. LeBron James has the biggest, most outsized ego since, oh, Glenn Beck who just announced he is starting his own university. Headline rewrite " isitjustme or is hot dog eating to sports what Glenn Beck is to education?"
Friday, July 02, 2010
...or should Glenn Beck be required to register with the World Clown Association?
Seriously, there is no greater defender of free speech than isitjustme. After all, if loathsome, despicable, incoherent expression were outlawed, I'd have to go back to downloading porn...even more. The problem with Beck, aside from his heinous message, is his evisceration of the mother tongue. If you feel the need, watch his show. "...and so, like, he thought like, what's that about? And like he said, "wow" and I'm like gee." Mentally challenged valley girls speak more eloquently. Either his teleprompter is slower than he is or he's mostly winging it. It's easy to presume the later because it would be almost impossible to write the way Beck talks. If he has writers, they're not earning their salaries. (Nor are his wardrobe people, unless they are intentionally going for "Ralph Kramden Chic".)
The problem with success is you think you walk on water. No one can tell you anything. Lee Trevino once said that he didn't have a swing coach because he never met one who could beat him. Because Beck's message resonates with a certain tragic hoard of mouth-breathers who feel under-appreciated and disenfranchised, he thinks his whole act is golden. As long as Sarah Palin takes his calls and he rakes in a few bob for Rupert Murdoch, life is good and grammar and syntax be damned. If this is "everyman speak", I want an Ebonics dictionary.
Mostly, Beck is a sideshow and should be taken as seriously as World Wrestling. However, Beck stops being funny when he steps into desecration. On August 28th, Beck intends to hold a Tea Party rally on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. That happens to be the 47th Anniversary of Martin Luther King's "I Have a Dream" speech. So far the Park Service has not issued a permit. (Who says government can't get anything right?) Considering the subtly racist nature of the Tea Party, this would be the equivalent of the Japanese holding a rally at the USS Arizona memorial on December 7th.
No one is suggesting that Beck be silenced. He should be allowed to parade his bile in any public forum that will tolerate him. With permission, he can speak on the steps of the Capitol where Barak Obama took the oath of office. He can run his smack at the Washington Monument or the Jefferson Memorial. I'm sure his words will be just as memorable as Dr. King's. It may be known as the "I Have a TV Show" speech. Beck cannot, however, be permitted to pontificate from the spot where Dr. King spoke of justice and hope. He cannot be allowed to use that important historical place as a venue for trashing the very President who embodies MLK's vision for racial equality. Be a voice for stupidity anywhere else, but not there.
As further proof of his monstrously delusional ego, Beck claims that when the date for the rally was first chosen, he did not realize the significance. That led him to believe that the choice was divinely inspired. To comment on that bit of drivel we have the thoughts of none other than Father Guido Sarducci. When asked if Glen might be a prophet, Father S. suggests that, because Beck is unstable, hears voices and talks a lot, he may very well be a prophet. (Check Steven Colbert's interview with Father Sarducci at http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/313497/june-23-2010/prophet-glenn-beck---father-guido-sarducci)
Most people with IQ's in two digits understand that Limbaugh, Beck, Hannity & Co. are performers in the grand tradition of Will Rogers and Pat Paulson. The tragedy of this crop of talkers is that some folks take these guys seriously. It's one thing to sit in your Barcalounger with a beer and rail against a political agenda you don't support. It's another to grab your flintlock and tri-corn hat and trample hallowed ground. Beck should take his "Restoring Honor" rally to a landfill or a slaughterhouse where the smell of his message won't offend the scenery. Just stay away from the Lincoln Memorial on Aug. 28...unless you want to see the statue of Lincoln holding his nose.
The problem with success is you think you walk on water. No one can tell you anything. Lee Trevino once said that he didn't have a swing coach because he never met one who could beat him. Because Beck's message resonates with a certain tragic hoard of mouth-breathers who feel under-appreciated and disenfranchised, he thinks his whole act is golden. As long as Sarah Palin takes his calls and he rakes in a few bob for Rupert Murdoch, life is good and grammar and syntax be damned. If this is "everyman speak", I want an Ebonics dictionary.
Mostly, Beck is a sideshow and should be taken as seriously as World Wrestling. However, Beck stops being funny when he steps into desecration. On August 28th, Beck intends to hold a Tea Party rally on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. That happens to be the 47th Anniversary of Martin Luther King's "I Have a Dream" speech. So far the Park Service has not issued a permit. (Who says government can't get anything right?) Considering the subtly racist nature of the Tea Party, this would be the equivalent of the Japanese holding a rally at the USS Arizona memorial on December 7th.
No one is suggesting that Beck be silenced. He should be allowed to parade his bile in any public forum that will tolerate him. With permission, he can speak on the steps of the Capitol where Barak Obama took the oath of office. He can run his smack at the Washington Monument or the Jefferson Memorial. I'm sure his words will be just as memorable as Dr. King's. It may be known as the "I Have a TV Show" speech. Beck cannot, however, be permitted to pontificate from the spot where Dr. King spoke of justice and hope. He cannot be allowed to use that important historical place as a venue for trashing the very President who embodies MLK's vision for racial equality. Be a voice for stupidity anywhere else, but not there.
As further proof of his monstrously delusional ego, Beck claims that when the date for the rally was first chosen, he did not realize the significance. That led him to believe that the choice was divinely inspired. To comment on that bit of drivel we have the thoughts of none other than Father Guido Sarducci. When asked if Glen might be a prophet, Father S. suggests that, because Beck is unstable, hears voices and talks a lot, he may very well be a prophet. (Check Steven Colbert's interview with Father Sarducci at http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/313497/june-23-2010/prophet-glenn-beck---father-guido-sarducci)
Most people with IQ's in two digits understand that Limbaugh, Beck, Hannity & Co. are performers in the grand tradition of Will Rogers and Pat Paulson. The tragedy of this crop of talkers is that some folks take these guys seriously. It's one thing to sit in your Barcalounger with a beer and rail against a political agenda you don't support. It's another to grab your flintlock and tri-corn hat and trample hallowed ground. Beck should take his "Restoring Honor" rally to a landfill or a slaughterhouse where the smell of his message won't offend the scenery. Just stay away from the Lincoln Memorial on Aug. 28...unless you want to see the statue of Lincoln holding his nose.
...should we sing "one,two,three calls you're out at the old World Cup"?
Please, America, stop obsessing over the lack of technology to aid in World Cup officiating. I realize that, thus far, referees at World Cup have been about as intelligent and well-reasoned as Sharon Osbourne judging America's Got Talent after an LSD bender. (Like anyone could tell!) Instant reply cameras at the matches have illustrated time and time again that officials at the games are chosen for how good they look in those little shorts rather than their eyesight. Most should have a dog and sunglasses.
Nevertheless, this is the world's game, not ours. As relative newcomers, our obligation is to play the matches, get our asses handed to us and go home. The rest of the countries involved aren't whining and crying about lost goals or missed calls. Even the Brits, victims of the most egregious call since Merkle's Boner in 1908, have maintained their customary stiff upper lip. (And no, Merkle's Boner wasn't some Viagra-induced medical condition. Look it up.) America, on the other hand, having showed up on the world soccer scene about 20 minutes ago, can't stop gassing about using instant reply to confirm or overturn bad decisions. Stop already. The graybeards at FIFA will get to it when they get to it.
Imagine if Japan complained that baseball should replace the home plate ump with a machine to call balls and strikes. Or if Venezuela demanded that the NFL reduce the number of points awarded for a field goal from three to two. Our sports community (consisting mostly of the five guys who call in to sports talk-shows every night) would explain that these games are sacrosanct and, when those countries have been playing as long as us, they can suggest rule changes.
We did pretty well in South Africa this time around. The country really got into the games. (Possibly because the time difference gave fans an excuse to be in a bar at 9:30 AM.) We'll do better next time. In the meantime, be thankful that the Obama administration is proposing a bill outlawing the sale, manufacture or importation of vuvuzelas. After all, we wouldn't want anything keeping baseball fans awake.
Nevertheless, this is the world's game, not ours. As relative newcomers, our obligation is to play the matches, get our asses handed to us and go home. The rest of the countries involved aren't whining and crying about lost goals or missed calls. Even the Brits, victims of the most egregious call since Merkle's Boner in 1908, have maintained their customary stiff upper lip. (And no, Merkle's Boner wasn't some Viagra-induced medical condition. Look it up.) America, on the other hand, having showed up on the world soccer scene about 20 minutes ago, can't stop gassing about using instant reply to confirm or overturn bad decisions. Stop already. The graybeards at FIFA will get to it when they get to it.
Imagine if Japan complained that baseball should replace the home plate ump with a machine to call balls and strikes. Or if Venezuela demanded that the NFL reduce the number of points awarded for a field goal from three to two. Our sports community (consisting mostly of the five guys who call in to sports talk-shows every night) would explain that these games are sacrosanct and, when those countries have been playing as long as us, they can suggest rule changes.
We did pretty well in South Africa this time around. The country really got into the games. (Possibly because the time difference gave fans an excuse to be in a bar at 9:30 AM.) We'll do better next time. In the meantime, be thankful that the Obama administration is proposing a bill outlawing the sale, manufacture or importation of vuvuzelas. After all, we wouldn't want anything keeping baseball fans awake.
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