The time has come, the walrus said, to talk of many things: of soups and ships and sealing wax and cabbages and Carlos Danger.
There is a certain reluctance in writing about the disgraced/disgraceful former congressman from Queens, NY. Everyone from Bill Maher to Francis I has taken their shots. And why not? A sex scandal involving a man named Weiner is irresistible. And to compound the farse, the guy is continuing his run for mayor. Sure, there have been circus-style mayoral elections in New York before (1965 and 1969 come to mind) but those character-candidates at least kept their pants on. While lowering his trousers, Mr. W. has raised the bar on weird, creepy behavior.
Anyway, in an attempt to be fair (to keep our punches up, so to speak) this column will contain no penis puns, no double entendres and no laugh-up-the-sleeve jokes. Clearly, the story of a U.S. Congressman's serial sexting should be troubling enough without the added smirking engendered by his unfortunate last name. (However, please feel free to snicker at will if the spirit moves.)
So the big question remains...Holy crap! What was he thinking? How does a man with a model for a wife and a promising political career, toss it all in the trash so that he can pursue a career as a new age Long Dong Silver? Seriously, Anthony's bizarre peccadillo (OK that's close) makes Mark Sanford's trip to Appalachia via South America look sympathetic. He may have been looking for love in all the wrong places but at least he was getting laid. Bill Clinton looks like the lovable rogue. Weiner's actions hue closer to our friend Senator Larry Craig of Idaho. And he even chose a nom de stiffie, Carlos Danger.
Candidate Weiner, as we all know: 1) got caught sending pictures of his naughty bits to women not his wife, 2) resigned from Congress, 3) vowed never to do that again, 4) went right back to "doing that again", 5) announced his candidacy for mayor of New York, 6) held a press conference last week with his wife at which he refused to resign from the race and with her unflinching support, suggested that there may be more sexting incidents as yet uncovered. Actually the public did most of the flinching.
So, we already know that the ex-congressman imagines a scenario whereby New Yorkers will go to the polls on Sept 10 (actually Sept 10 is the Democratic Primary but the Dems will probably win in Nov.), take a deep breath outside, hold their nose and vote for A. Weiner. (Truth be told Weiner would fare a lot better if the polling place were at the city dump.) What we don't know, at least not entirely, is what the lovely Huma Abedin aka Mrs Anthony Weiner was thinking when she excused, forgave and supported her creep of a husband. Clearly, working so closely with Hillary Clinton gives her a rare insight as to how to navigate your public personae when your spouse is a skunk, but even the long-suffering Hillary might have handed Mr. Weiner his walking papers. Although, when you start grading perversity i.e. .sending strangers snaps of your genitals vs. having the planet learn how your husband has been flavoring his cigars, you're already competing for dumbest spouse of the year with Silda (Mrs. Eliot) Spitzer.
In today's NY Times, Maureen Dowd speculates that Ms. Abedin's Saudi upbringing might be a factor in her "stand by your heel-of-a-husband" attitude. As a Muslim woman (although born in the U.S. and educated at George Washington University) she may feel that being able to drive the family car and not being lashed regularly qualifies as a pretty sweet deal. After all, what Anthony does with his gonads is no affair of hers. It's like using the shower at the gym...except the shower is coed. In any event if she's not humiliated, who are we to judge? Maybe he's a good cook?
Still, New York is not New Delhi and the stink arising from the Weiner campaign might even offend those hardy souls east of the Hudson. The idea that people rally around locals comrades when they are attacked from the outside may not be enough to carry the day. It's not as if Mr. Weiner was Mike Bloomburg with a proven track record. Weiner's stay in Congress was marked mostly by fiery speeches that led to no legislation. Come to think of it, Mr. Weiner's notoriety stems almost entirely from making public what most of us keep private. By that measure, we should nominate Edward Snowden for Mayor.
OK just one headline:
"When It Comes To Sexting, Anthony Weiner Has No Sense Of Huma."
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Tuesday, July 09, 2013
...or is Pope Francis running his Church out of the Houdini playbook?
Employing all the glitz and glitter at its disposal, the Catholic Church announced on Friday that it was elevating two of its former CEO's to the ranks of sainthood: Pope John XXIII and the recently departed John Paul II. (Under sainted leaders, see also Steve Jobs - Apple and Jack Welsh - General Electric.) The new Pope, Francis I was so eager to elevate these distinguished clergymen to rock star status that he waived both the required "miracles" in the case of John and the decades of waiting which has traditionally accompanied canonization. (Actually, the process has historically been a bit uneven. St. Francis Xavier waited 70 years but St. Francis of Assisi only two. St. Joseph wasn't recognized until 1962 and he has a statue in the manger.) Those lobbying for Mother Theresa (for a lifetime of sacrifice among the poor) and Mel Gibson (for producing Passion of the Christ) will have to wait for a vote by the veterans committee.
Clearly, the spotlight that is the Papacy bestows a significant leg-up in the race for sainthood. No less than 75 of the 266 men (and maybe one woman) to hold the title have risen to the status of saint. That's 30%; substantially more than U.S. Presidents who have a statue in the Capital. Granted that includes 48 out of the first 50, when being Pope was short on Gucci red shoes and long on martyrdom. Nevertheless, your good works and piety are much more likely to be noticed if your mode of transport includes being carried in a big chair with a big crown.
Recent Popes have been a bit out of favor for sainthood. The last Pope so honored was Pius X in 1954 and before him was Pius V in 1712, 150 years after his death. Some consideration has been given to men like Pope Pius XII but his indifference to the deaths of seven million European Jews during WWII and his chummy relationship with A. Hitler (they were Facebook friends) have stalled his advance. Indeed, the reason for caution and restraint in the naming of saints has been the concern that some inconvenient fact might surface subsequent to canonization which might cause embarrassment to all concerned. The Church can hardly have its children praying to St. Fredrick the Fornicator or Mother Alice the Embezzler. Better to wait until all the unsavory skeletons have emerged from the historical closet before bestowing high honors on the unworthy. Sainthood used to require a bit more than a Google search. Some saints such as St. Christopher have been scrubbed from the rolls entirely because there is some doubt as to whether he ever existed. Oops! So who's on all those medals?
Note: for those unschooled in Catholic mythology, a saint is person who has lived a life of great holiness and is believed to be in heaven. They are therefore available for public veneration as in, it's OK to name your halfway house or Knights of Columbus hall after them. The Church does not create saints, it only recognizes them. Because holy people are thought to be in heaven, praying to those persons is a request for intervention with God. When a particular event (miracle) can be attributed to praying to a specific holy person, that person can begin consideration for sainthood. Currently, one miracle is needed for beatification (step one) and another for sainthood. The fact that these conditions were loosened by John Paul II who will now benefit, is an irony best left to history.
Rome has thus chosen two recent Popes for sainthood. One, John Paul II was pope for 28 years and virtually remade the Church in his own conservative image. The other, John XXIII, only had the job for five years and, while he rocked the world by convoking the Second Vatican Council, wasn't especially renowned for his piety. Nevertheless, Francis I decided to avoid any controversy by naming both a sixties radical who liberalized the Church and the pope who spent three decades dismantling all that liberal activism. If Francis were in Congress, we would have had immigration reform four years ago.
Still, of less importance than the nominees for sainthood is the timing of the announcement. In a brilliant attempt at misdirection (Look. Squirrel.) the RCC has deflected attention from the 6,000 documents released under court order by the Archdiocese of Milwaukee last week. The federal judge reviewing the diocese' bankruptcy filing ordered the Church to disclose their nasty little secrets. It seems that the good bishops of Milwaukee have been shielding both pedophile priests (shocking!) and their ecclesiastical boodle. In 2007 the archbishop of Milwaukee requested permission from Rome to bury $57 million in a cemetery fund (ha, ha!) to protect it from "legal claims and liability". In other words, the cash wouldn't be subject to use as compensation for victimized children. The author of that request was none other than Cardinal Timothy Dolan; that jovial, Heineken-swilling, prelate whose current address in St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York.
Dolan is the public face of American Catholicism. He's the poster boy that was interviewed by "60 Minutes". He's the "we're looking forward not backward" guy. (Considering all the litigants in your rearview mirror, looking forward is a good plan.) The last thing Rome needs is to have a legal shit-storm swirling around a cardinal who actually got a few votes for pope at the last conclave. So what better way to divert attention from the unpleasant truth oozing from Wisconsin than to make a happy announcement? "Pay no attention to those child molesters and their enablers in America. Ignore the hiding of millions of dollars from court settlements. Forget the bogus bankruptcy filing which will keep the Church in gold chalices and good scotch. Rejoice in recognizing the piety of John Paul II, the pope who masterminded the massive church cover-up of pedophiles and perverts all over the world. Hallelujah!" Pope John XXIII, who really was a good guy, is spinning in his papal crypt.
Clearly, the spotlight that is the Papacy bestows a significant leg-up in the race for sainthood. No less than 75 of the 266 men (and maybe one woman) to hold the title have risen to the status of saint. That's 30%; substantially more than U.S. Presidents who have a statue in the Capital. Granted that includes 48 out of the first 50, when being Pope was short on Gucci red shoes and long on martyrdom. Nevertheless, your good works and piety are much more likely to be noticed if your mode of transport includes being carried in a big chair with a big crown.
Recent Popes have been a bit out of favor for sainthood. The last Pope so honored was Pius X in 1954 and before him was Pius V in 1712, 150 years after his death. Some consideration has been given to men like Pope Pius XII but his indifference to the deaths of seven million European Jews during WWII and his chummy relationship with A. Hitler (they were Facebook friends) have stalled his advance. Indeed, the reason for caution and restraint in the naming of saints has been the concern that some inconvenient fact might surface subsequent to canonization which might cause embarrassment to all concerned. The Church can hardly have its children praying to St. Fredrick the Fornicator or Mother Alice the Embezzler. Better to wait until all the unsavory skeletons have emerged from the historical closet before bestowing high honors on the unworthy. Sainthood used to require a bit more than a Google search. Some saints such as St. Christopher have been scrubbed from the rolls entirely because there is some doubt as to whether he ever existed. Oops! So who's on all those medals?
Note: for those unschooled in Catholic mythology, a saint is person who has lived a life of great holiness and is believed to be in heaven. They are therefore available for public veneration as in, it's OK to name your halfway house or Knights of Columbus hall after them. The Church does not create saints, it only recognizes them. Because holy people are thought to be in heaven, praying to those persons is a request for intervention with God. When a particular event (miracle) can be attributed to praying to a specific holy person, that person can begin consideration for sainthood. Currently, one miracle is needed for beatification (step one) and another for sainthood. The fact that these conditions were loosened by John Paul II who will now benefit, is an irony best left to history.
Rome has thus chosen two recent Popes for sainthood. One, John Paul II was pope for 28 years and virtually remade the Church in his own conservative image. The other, John XXIII, only had the job for five years and, while he rocked the world by convoking the Second Vatican Council, wasn't especially renowned for his piety. Nevertheless, Francis I decided to avoid any controversy by naming both a sixties radical who liberalized the Church and the pope who spent three decades dismantling all that liberal activism. If Francis were in Congress, we would have had immigration reform four years ago.
Still, of less importance than the nominees for sainthood is the timing of the announcement. In a brilliant attempt at misdirection (Look. Squirrel.) the RCC has deflected attention from the 6,000 documents released under court order by the Archdiocese of Milwaukee last week. The federal judge reviewing the diocese' bankruptcy filing ordered the Church to disclose their nasty little secrets. It seems that the good bishops of Milwaukee have been shielding both pedophile priests (shocking!) and their ecclesiastical boodle. In 2007 the archbishop of Milwaukee requested permission from Rome to bury $57 million in a cemetery fund (ha, ha!) to protect it from "legal claims and liability". In other words, the cash wouldn't be subject to use as compensation for victimized children. The author of that request was none other than Cardinal Timothy Dolan; that jovial, Heineken-swilling, prelate whose current address in St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York.
Dolan is the public face of American Catholicism. He's the poster boy that was interviewed by "60 Minutes". He's the "we're looking forward not backward" guy. (Considering all the litigants in your rearview mirror, looking forward is a good plan.) The last thing Rome needs is to have a legal shit-storm swirling around a cardinal who actually got a few votes for pope at the last conclave. So what better way to divert attention from the unpleasant truth oozing from Wisconsin than to make a happy announcement? "Pay no attention to those child molesters and their enablers in America. Ignore the hiding of millions of dollars from court settlements. Forget the bogus bankruptcy filing which will keep the Church in gold chalices and good scotch. Rejoice in recognizing the piety of John Paul II, the pope who masterminded the massive church cover-up of pedophiles and perverts all over the world. Hallelujah!" Pope John XXIII, who really was a good guy, is spinning in his papal crypt.
...or should the Faith and Freedom Coalition hold its next meeting on the grassy knoll?
It's time to get serious about who's running our country.
If you're serious about governing, you should pay attention to the words you use. Words matter. Facts matter. How you frame your argument and present your point of view will go a long way toward voters deciding if you are a serious engineer for change or just another airbag saying outrageous stuff to sell a book or promote your TV gig. Many people in the politician sphere have no intention of governing. They will never have to sell an idea for improving life to 434 other members of Congress or 99 other Senators. They will never have to defend the decisions they make or explain to an angry constituency why they voted as they did. Their rhetoric has no real world consequence. No one goes to war because of their opinions or pays a tax or loses a job. To them it's all just theater; a show where they get to entertain an audience that pays to have their own delusions reinforced. If Elmer Gantry were a real person, he'd have a prime-time spot on Fox.
Nowhere was this more evident than in Washington last month. When the conservative clown-car began disgorging its happy band of miscreants at the Marriott Harborplace, we knew we were in for a treat. Once upon a time there were precious few opportunities for these slapstick players to perform. The RNC Convention was held only once every four years. Then along came CPAC the Conservative Political Action Committee which holds its squirrel festival every year. Now we have organizations like Focus on the Family, The Eagle Forum, The Family Research Council and, this week, the Faith and Freedom Coalition. ( Coming soon the "I Love America and You Don't" Forum). All of these groups (same nuts different trees) have annual meetings which afford the clown car passengers a plethora of opportunities to shake their fist at the liberal media, the liberal administration, the liberal Congress but not presumably, the liberal use of cream cheese on the breakfast bagels. They also get to earn a healthy speaking fee while appearing to remain politically viable; like a touch footfall game at your 25th high school reunion...except you get paid.
The Faith and Freedom Coalition really loaded up the wagon for this year's gasfest. After all, nothing brings out the outrage like a Kenyan, Muslim, socialist in the White House. The only way most of these speakers could attend a serious political gathering would be to get a job with the caterer but in conservative circles they are the A-listers. No whack-a-doo, has-been/never-was should fear slipping into obscurity as long as these groups are around. The usual suspects included: Sister Sara (whose act never gets old), Herman Cain, Donald Trump, Michele Bachmann, Rand Paul, Alan West, Mike Huckabee, Rick Santorum and Mark Sanford (who only came to chase skirts). How they missed Joe the Plumber is anyone's guess. Honestly, with this many nuts in attendance the entire convention should be sponsored by Planters.
All the speakers were in rare form. Michele Bachmann stated emphatically that the passage of immigration reform would mean the creation of 30 million new Democrats. Really? 30 million? Oh wait, your statement doesn't have to be factual or even logical. It only has to be anti-Obama.
Michael Medved, who is part of the radio talk show cabal that runs the Republican Party, said the Obama majority among voters was limited to the single, the poor and the irreligious. Mike, baby, Obama carried Catholics, married women and, well, everyone except old white men...like the audience at the Faith and Freedom Forum.
Notably missing from the list of speakers were John McCain, Chris Christie, Governor John Portman of Ohio, John Huntsman and virtually anyone who understands how to govern or has the faintest hope of being elected to anything. (Rand Paul is the notable exception. Until conservatives discover what libertarianism really is he'll be a hero at these events)
But upon further reflection it's clear that even when the Republicans get into office, they have no interest in actually governing. The GOP-led House of Representatives has voted to repeal Obamacare no less than 37 times. Why hold meaningless votes on bills that can never become law? They have voted to de-fund ACORN, an organization dead and buried for three years. They pass abortion restrictions that are clearly DOA once they hit the Senate. On the state level, 13 states, mostly in the reactionary South, have voted to opt-out of increasing Medicare coverage for their citizens even though there is no cost to them. Wisconsin has joined Virginia on the vaginal ultrasound bandwagon.
This just in...we have a new candidate for Governor of Virginia. Wait for it...Tareq Salahi is in the race as, what else, a Republican. In case you forgot, it was Tareq and his bimbo-blond wife Michaele who wandered into a White House state dinner in 2009, sans invite. Since then, his wife left him for Journey's 58 year old journeyman guitarist and the former couple is being sued by everybody from three Virginia counties including the horses that formerly lived on their property. True to his gate-crashing code Salahi is running as a write-in. If you're convinced that the script for the Republican's new Rise to Majority is being written by the editors of the Onion, you may be on to something.
One last thought.
FLASH!! A Republican congressman from Texas has said something so outrageously dumb that it needed reprinting. I know, right? What are the odds? Congressman Mike Burgess of the Texas 26th District (north and west of Dallas) has testified that male human fetuses masturbate. Seeking to establish that a 15 week embryo can feel pleasure and therefore pain, Dr. Burgess (yes, this guy is a licensed OB-GYN) is trying to stop abortions using weird science and wildly speculative observation to advance his agenda. Congratulations, Dr. Mike. Your galactic stupidity has earned you todays' grand prize...a lifetime supply of leeches and a free bleeding at the barbershop of your choice..
If you're serious about governing, you should pay attention to the words you use. Words matter. Facts matter. How you frame your argument and present your point of view will go a long way toward voters deciding if you are a serious engineer for change or just another airbag saying outrageous stuff to sell a book or promote your TV gig. Many people in the politician sphere have no intention of governing. They will never have to sell an idea for improving life to 434 other members of Congress or 99 other Senators. They will never have to defend the decisions they make or explain to an angry constituency why they voted as they did. Their rhetoric has no real world consequence. No one goes to war because of their opinions or pays a tax or loses a job. To them it's all just theater; a show where they get to entertain an audience that pays to have their own delusions reinforced. If Elmer Gantry were a real person, he'd have a prime-time spot on Fox.
Nowhere was this more evident than in Washington last month. When the conservative clown-car began disgorging its happy band of miscreants at the Marriott Harborplace, we knew we were in for a treat. Once upon a time there were precious few opportunities for these slapstick players to perform. The RNC Convention was held only once every four years. Then along came CPAC the Conservative Political Action Committee which holds its squirrel festival every year. Now we have organizations like Focus on the Family, The Eagle Forum, The Family Research Council and, this week, the Faith and Freedom Coalition. ( Coming soon the "I Love America and You Don't" Forum). All of these groups (same nuts different trees) have annual meetings which afford the clown car passengers a plethora of opportunities to shake their fist at the liberal media, the liberal administration, the liberal Congress but not presumably, the liberal use of cream cheese on the breakfast bagels. They also get to earn a healthy speaking fee while appearing to remain politically viable; like a touch footfall game at your 25th high school reunion...except you get paid.
The Faith and Freedom Coalition really loaded up the wagon for this year's gasfest. After all, nothing brings out the outrage like a Kenyan, Muslim, socialist in the White House. The only way most of these speakers could attend a serious political gathering would be to get a job with the caterer but in conservative circles they are the A-listers. No whack-a-doo, has-been/never-was should fear slipping into obscurity as long as these groups are around. The usual suspects included: Sister Sara (whose act never gets old), Herman Cain, Donald Trump, Michele Bachmann, Rand Paul, Alan West, Mike Huckabee, Rick Santorum and Mark Sanford (who only came to chase skirts). How they missed Joe the Plumber is anyone's guess. Honestly, with this many nuts in attendance the entire convention should be sponsored by Planters.
All the speakers were in rare form. Michele Bachmann stated emphatically that the passage of immigration reform would mean the creation of 30 million new Democrats. Really? 30 million? Oh wait, your statement doesn't have to be factual or even logical. It only has to be anti-Obama.
Michael Medved, who is part of the radio talk show cabal that runs the Republican Party, said the Obama majority among voters was limited to the single, the poor and the irreligious. Mike, baby, Obama carried Catholics, married women and, well, everyone except old white men...like the audience at the Faith and Freedom Forum.
Notably missing from the list of speakers were John McCain, Chris Christie, Governor John Portman of Ohio, John Huntsman and virtually anyone who understands how to govern or has the faintest hope of being elected to anything. (Rand Paul is the notable exception. Until conservatives discover what libertarianism really is he'll be a hero at these events)
But upon further reflection it's clear that even when the Republicans get into office, they have no interest in actually governing. The GOP-led House of Representatives has voted to repeal Obamacare no less than 37 times. Why hold meaningless votes on bills that can never become law? They have voted to de-fund ACORN, an organization dead and buried for three years. They pass abortion restrictions that are clearly DOA once they hit the Senate. On the state level, 13 states, mostly in the reactionary South, have voted to opt-out of increasing Medicare coverage for their citizens even though there is no cost to them. Wisconsin has joined Virginia on the vaginal ultrasound bandwagon.
This just in...we have a new candidate for Governor of Virginia. Wait for it...Tareq Salahi is in the race as, what else, a Republican. In case you forgot, it was Tareq and his bimbo-blond wife Michaele who wandered into a White House state dinner in 2009, sans invite. Since then, his wife left him for Journey's 58 year old journeyman guitarist and the former couple is being sued by everybody from three Virginia counties including the horses that formerly lived on their property. True to his gate-crashing code Salahi is running as a write-in. If you're convinced that the script for the Republican's new Rise to Majority is being written by the editors of the Onion, you may be on to something.
One last thought.
FLASH!! A Republican congressman from Texas has said something so outrageously dumb that it needed reprinting. I know, right? What are the odds? Congressman Mike Burgess of the Texas 26th District (north and west of Dallas) has testified that male human fetuses masturbate. Seeking to establish that a 15 week embryo can feel pleasure and therefore pain, Dr. Burgess (yes, this guy is a licensed OB-GYN) is trying to stop abortions using weird science and wildly speculative observation to advance his agenda. Congratulations, Dr. Mike. Your galactic stupidity has earned you todays' grand prize...a lifetime supply of leeches and a free bleeding at the barbershop of your choice..
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