Having blown the dust off the old keyboard...
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Senator Barak Obama is still living under the cloud of his pastor. It's no secret that isitjustme is in the tank for Obama but, on any level, this non-controversy baffles me.
Sen. Obama went to church every Sunday. That's a good thing. He attended services at the Trinity United Church of Christ where an entertaining, well regarded minister gave hundreds of sermons. Some of those sermons contained objectionable references.
What do we imagine the young state representative should have done during those sermons? Should he have jumped up and run for the door holding his ears? Should he have publicly chastised Rev. Wright? Should he have called a press conference and demonized the good pastor? Senator Obama did what you probably would have done; he put those offending remarks in the context of the time, place, audience and the point being made. In other words, he ignored them.
Do we imagine that George W. Bush, who claims to have attended church regularly in Texas, never heard a preacher step over the line regarding race? Anyway, who cares?
This is the stuff that gives Karl Rove an erection. You just drop a small pebble in the pond and watch the ripples. We have allowed inane issues to influence our political judgement to the point where an empty hat like George W. Bush can be elected by default. The issue of Reverend Wright needs to go away, soon.
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And speaking of empty hats...
George W. Bush (yes, he's still President) held a press conference Wednesday. He still refuses to use the word "recession". It's possible he can't pronounce it.
Our great leader blamed Congress for the current economic situation, including the skyrocketing cost of gasoline. Now isitjustme has always maintained that presidents get too much credit and too much blame for the state of the economy. After all, no one ever confused Bill Clinton with John Maynard Keynes and he presided over eight years of spectacular growth.
Nevertheless the current administration has stood around with their hands in their pockets while the dollar approaches the value of the peso, the debt (thanks to the war) increases exponentially and, the cost of groceries is producing sticker shock. I'm not sure what George could do about all of this but acknowledging the problem would be a start. Hell, he can't be worried about his approval rating; after all, you can't fall off the floor!
This President was so desperate for a scapegoat, he blamed Congress for not permitting oil drilling in the ANWR. Did anyone mention to our "Texas toughguy" that Alaska isn't a giant gas station? You have to find it, transport it, refine it, transport it again and then pump it. That would take more than a few weeks.Next I suspect the President will be blaming Henry Ford for mass producing the automobile or Osama Bin Laden just for being Osama Bin Laden.
Sorry America, you voted for the president "that you'd like to have a beer with". How's that beer tasting now?
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Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain...
The Rev. Adelir Antonio de Carli of Brazil received a standing ovation from his parishioners as he strapped himself into a chair attached to a huge cluster of helium filled balloons and ascended skyward. As to why Father de Carli would attempt this stunt will remain a mystery. Searches over the Atlantic have yet to recover any trace of the priest or his "craft". Maybe that should look in Kansas.
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Two issues remain to be discussed regarding the polygamist Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
First, where are the men? Throughout the entire ordeal I have not seen a single (or married) adult male. In that most of the accusations involve old men forcing teenage girls into marriages, where are they? Don't they want to step up and tell the world how God wanted them to rape a harem of teenagers? Where's the religious zeal? Be proud of your perversions. God is with you.
Second, have you noticed how beautifully made those "Little House on the Prairie" dresses are? I'm considering writing to one of those women and ordering a few shirts. No hair shirts, please.
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and lastly...
The White House is celebrating May Day today. The reason for joy at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. is that April is finally over. April saw the death toll in Iraq climb to 49; back to the level of Sept., 07.
Since May, '03, "Mission Accomplished", 3924 American soldiers have been sacrificed to George W. Bush's War. America's invasion of Iraq is a national disgrace for which no one is held to account. Is their any American who wouldn't like to see the masterminds of the Bush administration hauled before Congress to explain the rosy predictions, misinformation and outright lies that got us to where are?
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
...or do we all need a few months off from our electoral process?
There are no slow news days, just bloggers who went to a ballgame and a Catholic Mass broke out.
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Hillary Clinton has finally had her "Dukakis in the Tank" moment. In an effort to contrast herself with the "elitist" remarks of her opponent, the Senator from New York downed a shot and a beer in an Indiana joint called Bronko's. (And you thought Cal Coolidge looked stupid in a headdress!) All that was missing was for the Democtatic hopeful to spit on the floor and bum a Lucky from the barfly on the next stool.
Mrs. Clinton has clearly renewed her citizendship to Fantasy Island. Since the Ohio primary she has:
-famously recounted her harrowing landing in Bosnia in 1996 (foolishly endangering a national treasure like Sinbad).
-claimed credit for helping broker the Good Friday peace accords in Northern Ireland. (No report of any snipers in Belfast).
-professed opposition to NAFTA "all along". (That's all along the Rust Belt.)
-voted for the President's right to declare war in Iraq but opposes the war itself.
-spoken lovingly of the second amendment in spite of a long Clinton history of support for anti gun laws.
This is the kind of campaigning that gets Democrats in trouble every time. Trying to make yourself look like every man, Joe six-pack when you made $109 million since 2000 just makes you appear foolish and insincere. You can campaign as a champion of the working American without trying to convince them that you carry a lunch pail. You wouldn't attempt to court the female vote by wearing a dress. Why lie and exaggerate your experiences? You only come off looking condescending. Wasn't that the charge you leveled at your opponent?
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The Pope is in town. Presumably he'll have more success filling Nationals Park than the home team. Why not? He has a better record.
It's fascinating that American Catholics treat the Pope with such respect and admiration. These are the same faithful who regard religious instructions from the Vatican with a gravity reserved for their mothers' warnings regarding swimming after eating...easily ignored with no apparent consequence. Clearly there is some disconnect between the Pope (a man) and the Papacy (an institution).
Interestingly, this cuts both ways. American Catholics find it convenient to ignore Church doctrine on birth control and divorce but the Vatican has been just as dismissive of the Faithful on the subjects of clerical celibacy and the role of women. The result is a Mexican standoff (with Mexicans taking an increasingly significant role).
Rome produces a steady stream of treatises (titled "bulls" by someone with a sense of humor) decrying "Catholic Relativism". The net message is that Catholic doctrine does not and will not change and Catholics must accept all of the Church's teachings. To ignore one tenant of the Faith is to abdicate your Catholicism. American Catholics yawn and go right back to practicing their own personal brand of worship. I love this country.
Anyway, the fact that American Catholics have reduced the Pope to the same degree of gravitas as Queen Elizabeth II doesn't diminish the splendor of the Papal visit. The level of civility at Yankee Stadium will be elevated to such a degree that you will hardly see any vendors outside the park hawking, "Presbyterians Suck" tee shirts. I only hope that some construction worker didn't bury a Star of David under home plate.
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The American Embassy in Baghdad is nearly ready for occupancy. If America were attempting to present a low key presence in the Middle East, building a structure roughly eight times the size of the Mall of America might not have been the way to go. Nothing says "We're here, to create fear, so get used to it" like an edifice grander that any of Saddam's palaces. On the positive side, the roof is large and flat enough to accommodate several helicopters simultaneously...perfect for the evacuation.
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Hillary Clinton has finally had her "Dukakis in the Tank" moment. In an effort to contrast herself with the "elitist" remarks of her opponent, the Senator from New York downed a shot and a beer in an Indiana joint called Bronko's. (And you thought Cal Coolidge looked stupid in a headdress!) All that was missing was for the Democtatic hopeful to spit on the floor and bum a Lucky from the barfly on the next stool.
Mrs. Clinton has clearly renewed her citizendship to Fantasy Island. Since the Ohio primary she has:
-famously recounted her harrowing landing in Bosnia in 1996 (foolishly endangering a national treasure like Sinbad).
-claimed credit for helping broker the Good Friday peace accords in Northern Ireland. (No report of any snipers in Belfast).
-professed opposition to NAFTA "all along". (That's all along the Rust Belt.)
-voted for the President's right to declare war in Iraq but opposes the war itself.
-spoken lovingly of the second amendment in spite of a long Clinton history of support for anti gun laws.
This is the kind of campaigning that gets Democrats in trouble every time. Trying to make yourself look like every man, Joe six-pack when you made $109 million since 2000 just makes you appear foolish and insincere. You can campaign as a champion of the working American without trying to convince them that you carry a lunch pail. You wouldn't attempt to court the female vote by wearing a dress. Why lie and exaggerate your experiences? You only come off looking condescending. Wasn't that the charge you leveled at your opponent?
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The Pope is in town. Presumably he'll have more success filling Nationals Park than the home team. Why not? He has a better record.
It's fascinating that American Catholics treat the Pope with such respect and admiration. These are the same faithful who regard religious instructions from the Vatican with a gravity reserved for their mothers' warnings regarding swimming after eating...easily ignored with no apparent consequence. Clearly there is some disconnect between the Pope (a man) and the Papacy (an institution).
Interestingly, this cuts both ways. American Catholics find it convenient to ignore Church doctrine on birth control and divorce but the Vatican has been just as dismissive of the Faithful on the subjects of clerical celibacy and the role of women. The result is a Mexican standoff (with Mexicans taking an increasingly significant role).
Rome produces a steady stream of treatises (titled "bulls" by someone with a sense of humor) decrying "Catholic Relativism". The net message is that Catholic doctrine does not and will not change and Catholics must accept all of the Church's teachings. To ignore one tenant of the Faith is to abdicate your Catholicism. American Catholics yawn and go right back to practicing their own personal brand of worship. I love this country.
Anyway, the fact that American Catholics have reduced the Pope to the same degree of gravitas as Queen Elizabeth II doesn't diminish the splendor of the Papal visit. The level of civility at Yankee Stadium will be elevated to such a degree that you will hardly see any vendors outside the park hawking, "Presbyterians Suck" tee shirts. I only hope that some construction worker didn't bury a Star of David under home plate.
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The American Embassy in Baghdad is nearly ready for occupancy. If America were attempting to present a low key presence in the Middle East, building a structure roughly eight times the size of the Mall of America might not have been the way to go. Nothing says "We're here, to create fear, so get used to it" like an edifice grander that any of Saddam's palaces. On the positive side, the roof is large and flat enough to accommodate several helicopters simultaneously...perfect for the evacuation.
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Friday, April 04, 2008
...or is every day April Fools Day?
Stop the world. I'm getting nauseous over here!
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We should all acknowledge the debt we owe to Pat Buchanan. Without him we might forget what stupid, insensitive old white guys really sound like. Were it not for Pat and his access to the media, the reason for black anger in America might be less crystallized.
Mr. Buchanan published a column on March 21 called A Brief for Whitey. The entire piece is available on his web site.
Among his thoughts, he wonders why black people in America aren't more grateful than angry. After all "no people anywhere has done more to lift up blacks than white Americans." (Presumably that includes lifting them up on the auction block.) Mr. Buchanan lists food stamps, rent supplements, student loans and several other programs apparently unavailable to poor or needy white people. (The vast majority of food stamp recipients in the U.S. are white.) Well thank you massa. We sure do thank you fo dat.
I could go on for a week but the point is that 145 years after the Emancipation Proclamation, blacks still require laws and sometimes bayonets to secure the rights and privileges that whites take for granted. Blacks have done all that was required: fought in wars, paid taxes, attempted to better themselves. When the playing field is finally level, none of the give-backs and set-asides will be needed. What we need now is a lot less of Pat Buchanan.
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Robert Klein was a guest on Bill Maher's show last week and allowed that the one good thing about the Eliot Spitzer story is that is dispels the notion that Jews never pay retail.
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Zach Dunlap awoke in a Wichita Falls hospital to discover that a surgeon was about to harvest his organs for transplant. Zach suffered a head injury in an atv accident in Davidson, OK. He was pronounced brain dead and was being prepped for the harvest when he grabbed the nurse's arm.
Isitjustme advises everyone to check their organ donor cards to make sure that they require that you are dead first, a seemingly small but vital technicality. (Pat Buchanan is donating his heart to the Smithsonian miniature museum.)
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Try to follow this item.
An Oregon "man" who used to be a woman, is pregnant. It seems that, although she/he went through the preliminary sex change procedures (including tailoring all his shirts to button to the left), she/he neglected to trade in her plumbing for something more external. Anyway, this oversight proved helpful after he/she got married to a women who was infertile. Adding new meaning to the term selfless, our hero stopped taking his/ her hormones and got pregnant. No mention was made of the sperm donor. Possibly a psychiatrist looking to sow the seeds for future patients.
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Prisoners in Vermont have filed a class action suit charging that a food called Nutraloaf (made with cubed bread, vegetables and powdered milk) be declared cruel and unusual. The head of the prison dept. in the state declared "Well hell. We don't have capital punishment and we're constitutionally prohibited from serving Spam (see Constitution of the State of Vermont, Article XXV, sec 4, sub-paragraph j, titled "Dog food as substitute for chicken"). Nutraloaf is the next best thing to waterboarding." The case is pending.
Item
We should all acknowledge the debt we owe to Pat Buchanan. Without him we might forget what stupid, insensitive old white guys really sound like. Were it not for Pat and his access to the media, the reason for black anger in America might be less crystallized.
Mr. Buchanan published a column on March 21 called A Brief for Whitey. The entire piece is available on his web site.
Among his thoughts, he wonders why black people in America aren't more grateful than angry. After all "no people anywhere has done more to lift up blacks than white Americans." (Presumably that includes lifting them up on the auction block.) Mr. Buchanan lists food stamps, rent supplements, student loans and several other programs apparently unavailable to poor or needy white people. (The vast majority of food stamp recipients in the U.S. are white.) Well thank you massa. We sure do thank you fo dat.
I could go on for a week but the point is that 145 years after the Emancipation Proclamation, blacks still require laws and sometimes bayonets to secure the rights and privileges that whites take for granted. Blacks have done all that was required: fought in wars, paid taxes, attempted to better themselves. When the playing field is finally level, none of the give-backs and set-asides will be needed. What we need now is a lot less of Pat Buchanan.
___________________________________________________________________
Item
Robert Klein was a guest on Bill Maher's show last week and allowed that the one good thing about the Eliot Spitzer story is that is dispels the notion that Jews never pay retail.
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Item
Zach Dunlap awoke in a Wichita Falls hospital to discover that a surgeon was about to harvest his organs for transplant. Zach suffered a head injury in an atv accident in Davidson, OK. He was pronounced brain dead and was being prepped for the harvest when he grabbed the nurse's arm.
Isitjustme advises everyone to check their organ donor cards to make sure that they require that you are dead first, a seemingly small but vital technicality. (Pat Buchanan is donating his heart to the Smithsonian miniature museum.)
___________________________________________________________________
Item
Try to follow this item.
An Oregon "man" who used to be a woman, is pregnant. It seems that, although she/he went through the preliminary sex change procedures (including tailoring all his shirts to button to the left), she/he neglected to trade in her plumbing for something more external. Anyway, this oversight proved helpful after he/she got married to a women who was infertile. Adding new meaning to the term selfless, our hero stopped taking his/ her hormones and got pregnant. No mention was made of the sperm donor. Possibly a psychiatrist looking to sow the seeds for future patients.
___________________________________________________________________
Item
Prisoners in Vermont have filed a class action suit charging that a food called Nutraloaf (made with cubed bread, vegetables and powdered milk) be declared cruel and unusual. The head of the prison dept. in the state declared "Well hell. We don't have capital punishment and we're constitutionally prohibited from serving Spam (see Constitution of the State of Vermont, Article XXV, sec 4, sub-paragraph j, titled "Dog food as substitute for chicken"). Nutraloaf is the next best thing to waterboarding." The case is pending.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
...or was Karl Rove seen at the Trinity United Church of Christ?
A message to white, conservative America...get over yourselves.
Our friends on the right are having a gay, old time (not like "Larry Craig" gay) clucking their tongues and shaking their heads over the Rev. Jeremiah Wright and the sermons he preached while Barak Obama was within earshot. It seems that Rev. Wright made a few inflammatory statements that would not have gotten him invited to a communion breakfast at the local VFW hall. Heaven forfend!
Forget that George Bush traveled to South Carolina on his knees (not like "Larry Craig" on his knees) in 2000 to kiss Jerry Falwell's ass. That would be the same Jerry Falwell who blamed the 9-11 attacks on gays and lesbians. I guess all outrageous rhetoric is not created equal. However, tempting thou it is, this rant is not about George the Lessor.
The Obama/Wright issue is a red herring on so many levels that it's hard to know where to begin. Let's start with Rev. Wright.
The Reverend is a Navy and Marine Corps veteran. (Dick Cheney and Rush Limbaugh had better things to do.) Before his recent retirement he had been the pastor of the Trinity United Church of Christ since 1972. His list of achievements and honors would fill a book including praise from Presidents Johnson and Clinton. But he is also a 67 year old black man in America. His experiences with racism are typical of his generation.
His denunciation of the treatment of black Americans at the hands of the white establishment is entirely understandable and entirely justified. Blacks in this country have endured 400 years of slavery followed by another 100 years of Jim Crow segregation. People can get pretty angry in 500 years. Just because things have finally begun to improve somewhat since the 60's, is no reason to think that African Americans have forgiven and forgotten. Being less of a second-class citizen is still to be a second-class citizen. If, as a white person in this country, you believe that Black people have gained full equality, that you probably also believed "Mission Accomplished".
As a white person living in the United States I have at no time, or for any reason, been discriminated against. I have never been stopped by the police for being in a wealthy neighborhood. I have never been watched in a jewelry store or asked by mistake to park some one's car in front of a restaurant. No one has ever called me a racially-based name. (All slurs against me have been intelligence-based)
White America has no idea what it means to be black and therefore no idea how they might react to the systemic degradation of their race. You simply have no frame of reference.
Yes, Barak Obama attended Sunday services at Rev. Wright's church in Chicago and he heard many of the pastor's over-the-top sermons. To suggest that the Senator took every word to heart is nonsense. None of us agree with all of the opinions of our friends and mentors. Even John McCain has had to distance himself from the opinions of some of the people that have endorsed him. Besides, I thought all you conservatives liked church-goers.
Barak Obama is black. Sooner or later that fact had to come up. Rather than sidestep the issue the Senator from Illinois addressed it directly. That sort of candor was missing from the discussion of George W. Bush's drug use, or the Clinton's recent tax returns. Obama's treatment of his friendship with Rev. Wright stands in stark contrast to how Hillary Clinton tap-danced around the Bosnia-sniper statement. (not like Larry Craig tap dancing.)
Obama supporters can remain secure in the knowledge that most of the electorate who have been offended by the sermons of Reverend Wright, weren't wearing Obama '08 buttons anyway.
They wear buttons that say "Alcohol, Tobacco & Firearms Should be an Advertising Slogan".
Our friends on the right are having a gay, old time (not like "Larry Craig" gay) clucking their tongues and shaking their heads over the Rev. Jeremiah Wright and the sermons he preached while Barak Obama was within earshot. It seems that Rev. Wright made a few inflammatory statements that would not have gotten him invited to a communion breakfast at the local VFW hall. Heaven forfend!
Forget that George Bush traveled to South Carolina on his knees (not like "Larry Craig" on his knees) in 2000 to kiss Jerry Falwell's ass. That would be the same Jerry Falwell who blamed the 9-11 attacks on gays and lesbians. I guess all outrageous rhetoric is not created equal. However, tempting thou it is, this rant is not about George the Lessor.
The Obama/Wright issue is a red herring on so many levels that it's hard to know where to begin. Let's start with Rev. Wright.
The Reverend is a Navy and Marine Corps veteran. (Dick Cheney and Rush Limbaugh had better things to do.) Before his recent retirement he had been the pastor of the Trinity United Church of Christ since 1972. His list of achievements and honors would fill a book including praise from Presidents Johnson and Clinton. But he is also a 67 year old black man in America. His experiences with racism are typical of his generation.
His denunciation of the treatment of black Americans at the hands of the white establishment is entirely understandable and entirely justified. Blacks in this country have endured 400 years of slavery followed by another 100 years of Jim Crow segregation. People can get pretty angry in 500 years. Just because things have finally begun to improve somewhat since the 60's, is no reason to think that African Americans have forgiven and forgotten. Being less of a second-class citizen is still to be a second-class citizen. If, as a white person in this country, you believe that Black people have gained full equality, that you probably also believed "Mission Accomplished".
As a white person living in the United States I have at no time, or for any reason, been discriminated against. I have never been stopped by the police for being in a wealthy neighborhood. I have never been watched in a jewelry store or asked by mistake to park some one's car in front of a restaurant. No one has ever called me a racially-based name. (All slurs against me have been intelligence-based)
White America has no idea what it means to be black and therefore no idea how they might react to the systemic degradation of their race. You simply have no frame of reference.
Yes, Barak Obama attended Sunday services at Rev. Wright's church in Chicago and he heard many of the pastor's over-the-top sermons. To suggest that the Senator took every word to heart is nonsense. None of us agree with all of the opinions of our friends and mentors. Even John McCain has had to distance himself from the opinions of some of the people that have endorsed him. Besides, I thought all you conservatives liked church-goers.
Barak Obama is black. Sooner or later that fact had to come up. Rather than sidestep the issue the Senator from Illinois addressed it directly. That sort of candor was missing from the discussion of George W. Bush's drug use, or the Clinton's recent tax returns. Obama's treatment of his friendship with Rev. Wright stands in stark contrast to how Hillary Clinton tap-danced around the Bosnia-sniper statement. (not like Larry Craig tap dancing.)
Obama supporters can remain secure in the knowledge that most of the electorate who have been offended by the sermons of Reverend Wright, weren't wearing Obama '08 buttons anyway.
They wear buttons that say "Alcohol, Tobacco & Firearms Should be an Advertising Slogan".
Thursday, March 13, 2008
...or does four grand not go as far as it use to?
Eliot, Eliot...where did we go wrong? We sent you to Horace Mann, to Princeton, to Harvard Law. You married the shikseh from North Carolina. You got the best jobs with the best firms. The people of New York literally swept you into the governor's mansion. You had it all. All you had to do was follow your heart and your brain to Washington. Following your johnson was never part of the plan.
I blame George W. Bush. Actually, I blame GWB for the Lincoln shooting and for the Cubs blowing a big lead in 1969. However, if you can't blame George, how about Richard M. Nixon? If he hadn't made the Army a volunteer force, maybe Gov. Spitzer would have been drafted. Part of his basic training would have included watching the training film, "Hello, Sailor." That lesson might have prevented all of this unpleasantness. As it is, the only good thing to come of the Governor's transgression is that writers for Leno and Letterman are arriving for work at dawn every day.
Several questions have surfaced in the wake of the "Spitzer issue":
What does a women have to do to earn $4,000 (aside from the obvious stuff like do your taxes, wax your car, or paint your house)? I like to think of myself as reasonably degenerate, and I can't get passed about $42.50. (This lack of imagination may explain my lack of success with women.) Maybe they do it on a bed of Krugeraands. During the Clinton years they could have used the Lincoln bedroom and the $4,000 would have been a campaign contribution.
If Client #9 (you really can't make this stuff up) was the Gov., who were numbers 1-8? Were they assigned by length of their membership or the length of their member? Was Spitzer named after the love potion? Spitzer was also known as George Fox. Was that his nom-de-poon?
How does the Attorney General for the State of New York find his way to the Emperor's Club? Referral from Chuck Schumer? Did he Google "outrageously expensive whores who deliver to Washington, D.C.?" Did he try the Yellow Pages under "career-killers?"
Many men stray because things get a little chilly at home. If Eliot thought that his love life with Silda was frosty before... Did you see the look on his wife's face during the first press conference? She looked like she found out that Hannibal Lecter was her new gynocologist.
At any rate, Ashley Alexandra Dupre, aka Kristen, aka the party of the first part, joins the pantheon of bimbos that includes Donna Rice, Fannie Fox, Fawn Hall, Rita Jenrette and, of course, Queen Monica. The Topps Trading Card Co. is contemplating a new line of collectible trading cards including all of these ladies. It will be called Figures in History. (Hey! I'll trade you two Judith Campbells for an Elizabeth Ray.) There will be an entire sub-set called The Clinton Girls.
One imagines that Eliot Spitzer will survive. He's smart (if not too bright) and, if his predecessors' trip down the walk of shame is any indication, he will not end up as a greeter at the Mirage in Las Vegas. Some think-tank (studying the feasibility of gelding elected officials) will scoop him up. Perhaps a university needs a professor for a new field of study in "The Penis as an Organ for Change." The text will be written by Edward Kennedy.
I blame George W. Bush. Actually, I blame GWB for the Lincoln shooting and for the Cubs blowing a big lead in 1969. However, if you can't blame George, how about Richard M. Nixon? If he hadn't made the Army a volunteer force, maybe Gov. Spitzer would have been drafted. Part of his basic training would have included watching the training film, "Hello, Sailor." That lesson might have prevented all of this unpleasantness. As it is, the only good thing to come of the Governor's transgression is that writers for Leno and Letterman are arriving for work at dawn every day.
Several questions have surfaced in the wake of the "Spitzer issue":
What does a women have to do to earn $4,000 (aside from the obvious stuff like do your taxes, wax your car, or paint your house)? I like to think of myself as reasonably degenerate, and I can't get passed about $42.50. (This lack of imagination may explain my lack of success with women.) Maybe they do it on a bed of Krugeraands. During the Clinton years they could have used the Lincoln bedroom and the $4,000 would have been a campaign contribution.
If Client #9 (you really can't make this stuff up) was the Gov., who were numbers 1-8? Were they assigned by length of their membership or the length of their member? Was Spitzer named after the love potion? Spitzer was also known as George Fox. Was that his nom-de-poon?
How does the Attorney General for the State of New York find his way to the Emperor's Club? Referral from Chuck Schumer? Did he Google "outrageously expensive whores who deliver to Washington, D.C.?" Did he try the Yellow Pages under "career-killers?"
Many men stray because things get a little chilly at home. If Eliot thought that his love life with Silda was frosty before... Did you see the look on his wife's face during the first press conference? She looked like she found out that Hannibal Lecter was her new gynocologist.
At any rate, Ashley Alexandra Dupre, aka Kristen, aka the party of the first part, joins the pantheon of bimbos that includes Donna Rice, Fannie Fox, Fawn Hall, Rita Jenrette and, of course, Queen Monica. The Topps Trading Card Co. is contemplating a new line of collectible trading cards including all of these ladies. It will be called Figures in History. (Hey! I'll trade you two Judith Campbells for an Elizabeth Ray.) There will be an entire sub-set called The Clinton Girls.
One imagines that Eliot Spitzer will survive. He's smart (if not too bright) and, if his predecessors' trip down the walk of shame is any indication, he will not end up as a greeter at the Mirage in Las Vegas. Some think-tank (studying the feasibility of gelding elected officials) will scoop him up. Perhaps a university needs a professor for a new field of study in "The Penis as an Organ for Change." The text will be written by Edward Kennedy.
Friday, February 15, 2008
...or did someone buy GWB a globe last Christmas?
George W. Bush in Africa. Haven't these people suffered enough?
In case you haven't made it to page 16 of Friday's Washington Post (I'm sure that he did better in The NY Times), your President is headed for Africa. This is a man whose previous encounters with the Dark Continent were limited to listening to his college roomates' Ladysmith Black Mombazo album.
George has never listed a knowledge of geography as one of his strengths. His attitude is, if we are not invading a country, why do we need to know where it is? The President was so information-starved about the globe that he kept asking a visiting Tony Blair if he drove or flew (rim shot).
In case you imagined that Fearless George was jetting into the teeth of danger to extinguish the fires in Kenya and the Sudan, guess again. George W. is headed to Tanzania, Ghana, Liberia, Rwanda (having just seen the movie with Don Cheedle, he wants to stay in "the hotel") and, are you ready, Benin. Before you go scurrying off to an atlas, Benin is a key-hole shaped country wedged between Nigeria and Togo (where?) in Western Africa.
Lest you think that your President is leaving the Kenyans to their fate, shame on you. George has dispatched Condoleezza Rice to sort out the problems between the Kikuyu and the Kalenjin.
Sending the Secretary of State to this hot spot relieved the President of the burden of having to recall both tribal names as well as the impossible task of remembering which was which (like it matters). One would have imagined that the President would send Dick "Dead-Eye" Cheney into a dangerous spot like Nairobi. At least he owns the necessary ordnance.
Considering GW's limited exposure to black culture, (Colin Powell, the only black man George ever met, is from the Bronx), the President will need to be reminded of certain facts:
In Rwanda, remember Tutsi is a tribe, not a Dustin Hoffman movie.
Swahili is not the same as Ebonics.
Burkina Faso is a country, not the actor who played Huggy Bear on Starsky and Hutch.
Ghana is not the first syllable of an STD.
As long as George stays on script, all should be fine. After all, how much harm can he do? About 45% of Africa is Muslim and they already hate us. If George can gain the support of just a few more Africans, he will leave the continent with a higher approval rating than he has here. Not bad for a man who read The Jungle Book only last week.
In case you haven't made it to page 16 of Friday's Washington Post (I'm sure that he did better in The NY Times), your President is headed for Africa. This is a man whose previous encounters with the Dark Continent were limited to listening to his college roomates' Ladysmith Black Mombazo album.
George has never listed a knowledge of geography as one of his strengths. His attitude is, if we are not invading a country, why do we need to know where it is? The President was so information-starved about the globe that he kept asking a visiting Tony Blair if he drove or flew (rim shot).
In case you imagined that Fearless George was jetting into the teeth of danger to extinguish the fires in Kenya and the Sudan, guess again. George W. is headed to Tanzania, Ghana, Liberia, Rwanda (having just seen the movie with Don Cheedle, he wants to stay in "the hotel") and, are you ready, Benin. Before you go scurrying off to an atlas, Benin is a key-hole shaped country wedged between Nigeria and Togo (where?) in Western Africa.
Lest you think that your President is leaving the Kenyans to their fate, shame on you. George has dispatched Condoleezza Rice to sort out the problems between the Kikuyu and the Kalenjin.
Sending the Secretary of State to this hot spot relieved the President of the burden of having to recall both tribal names as well as the impossible task of remembering which was which (like it matters). One would have imagined that the President would send Dick "Dead-Eye" Cheney into a dangerous spot like Nairobi. At least he owns the necessary ordnance.
Considering GW's limited exposure to black culture, (Colin Powell, the only black man George ever met, is from the Bronx), the President will need to be reminded of certain facts:
In Rwanda, remember Tutsi is a tribe, not a Dustin Hoffman movie.
Swahili is not the same as Ebonics.
Burkina Faso is a country, not the actor who played Huggy Bear on Starsky and Hutch.
Ghana is not the first syllable of an STD.
As long as George stays on script, all should be fine. After all, how much harm can he do? About 45% of Africa is Muslim and they already hate us. If George can gain the support of just a few more Africans, he will leave the continent with a higher approval rating than he has here. Not bad for a man who read The Jungle Book only last week.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
...or should we be trying to buy-out GWB's contract and send him home?
Just in case you were starting to feel sorry for George the Lesser...
Item
In his (thankfully) final State of the Union message last month, President George made a big deal out of a plan to allow members of the armed forces to transfer their unused education benefits to family members. Very noble. Military personnel should get something for the misery they've suffered at the hands of this administration. Having never attended a military funeral, George has had plenty of time to sit around 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. and dream up nice perks for the soldiers fortunate enough to make it home.
However, not surprisingly, the President's budget for 200/2009 makes no provision for any addition to veteran’s benefits. In other words, George was just blowing smoke. It's one thing to abandon the victims of hurricane Katrina (they were mostly Democrats, anyway) but for this administration to short-change the troops that they themselves put in harm's way is unconscionable. Considering the trail of misinformation and deceit that has been the stock and trade of this Bush White House, this offense is particularly egregious. Can Jan 20, 2009 possibly arrive soon enough?
___________________________________________________________________
Item
Once again the pandering, ass-kissing Congress is lining up on the wrong side of an issue. A majority of your Congresspersons have come out in favor of allowing the citizens of Washington D.C. to own assault weapons. Ignoring the fact that only a moron would vote for more guns in the streets of Washington, Congresspeople have to work here. If you smell the cordite coming from the NRA, you're not alone. The gun nuts now have enough conservative judges among the Supremes to win a fight on Second Amendment grounds. Oh goody! Naturally, Dick "shoot your lawyer in the face" Cheney is also campaigning for repeal of the existing weapons law. Why ruin a perfect record?
Among life's little ironies is the juxtaposition of the Washington Post detailing Congress' support for gun ownership directly across the page from an article about the gunman in Kirkwood, MO. This was the gentleman who shot up a city council meeting killing five and wounding the town's mayor. I quess that Congress thinks that the rent-a -cops at the front door will be enough to keep them safe.
As for the NRA, they won't be happy until the Washington Nationals establish "Gun Day" at the ball park.
_____________________________________________________________________
Item
Under the category of "you can't make this stuff up":
The Mississippi legislature is considering a bill that would prohibit restaurants from serving food to really fat people. "People are just going to the buffets and eating" says Mississippi State Representative Ted Mayhall. Mississippi has the highest obesity rate of any state in the country.
Mr. Mayhall has suggested fines for restaurants that feed the tubby but he was unclear as to how the overweight would be identified. Possibly a form of the height measurement device used at amusement parks. "If you can't fit between these two lines, you will be denied service". Perhaps the doors to Mississippi restaurants could be made narrow enough to only allow skinny people to get in. If you think the NRA bitches about gun control, wait until you hear the NRA (as in National Restaurant Assoc.) squawk about this proposal. Do you think the Second Amendment includes the right to keep and bear french fries? After all, burgers don't kill people. People with spatulas kill people!
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Item
A crowd of 250,000 Columbians protested last week in the streets of Bogotá. The rally was organized to attempt to stop the kidnappings in Columbia at the hands of FARC, the Marxist Leninist group that has snatched 700 people in the past 10 years. "Stop the FARCing kidnapping" was the rallying cry of the crowd (or it would have been if the crowd spoke English and had a sense of humor). The rebel group has become so synonymous with the kidnappings in Columbia that they are now just called "getting FARCed". OK I’ll stop now.
___________________________________________________________________
This just in...
The little town of Poczernin, Poland is about to recieve a dubious distinction. Thanks to the work of Rev. Andrzej Trojanowski, Poczernin will become the only center in Catholic Europe dedicated to the performance of exorcisms. Apparently the ritual casting out of demons has become quite the cottage industry in Poland. There are currently 70 priests in the country authorized to perform the ancient rite. (Italy has about 300 practioneers but almost everyone in Italy is possessed by something.) A Catholic University in Rome is offering a course in devil extraction.
Apparently the symptoms of possession in the new milennium are more subtle than the Linda Blair, head-spinning, ceiling- crawling that made the 1973 movie so creepy. All sorts of aberrant behavior can be proof of a demon dwelling within. Father Trojanowski claims to be seeing 20 people a week who are under the influence of evil spirits. His office must be near Fox News.
Depending on your point of view, the new exorcism center could be a boon for tourism. After all, contrary to popular myth, exorcisms can take months. (Do devils have a lease?) The possessed need somewhere to stay (I'm thinking The Cast-Out Inn). People eating for two or more will need serious buffet restaurants. A spa would be a must. Do you know what being possessed can do to your skin?
Should you come away from this item with the impression that isitjustme doesn't believe in the devil or in demonic possession than you clearly haven't read anything written here about Karl Rove. The world would be a better place if George W. Bush would load up Air Force One with the entire team from his first term and head for Poland. Maybe Fr. Trojanowski has a group rate.
Item
In his (thankfully) final State of the Union message last month, President George made a big deal out of a plan to allow members of the armed forces to transfer their unused education benefits to family members. Very noble. Military personnel should get something for the misery they've suffered at the hands of this administration. Having never attended a military funeral, George has had plenty of time to sit around 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. and dream up nice perks for the soldiers fortunate enough to make it home.
However, not surprisingly, the President's budget for 200/2009 makes no provision for any addition to veteran’s benefits. In other words, George was just blowing smoke. It's one thing to abandon the victims of hurricane Katrina (they were mostly Democrats, anyway) but for this administration to short-change the troops that they themselves put in harm's way is unconscionable. Considering the trail of misinformation and deceit that has been the stock and trade of this Bush White House, this offense is particularly egregious. Can Jan 20, 2009 possibly arrive soon enough?
___________________________________________________________________
Item
Once again the pandering, ass-kissing Congress is lining up on the wrong side of an issue. A majority of your Congresspersons have come out in favor of allowing the citizens of Washington D.C. to own assault weapons. Ignoring the fact that only a moron would vote for more guns in the streets of Washington, Congresspeople have to work here. If you smell the cordite coming from the NRA, you're not alone. The gun nuts now have enough conservative judges among the Supremes to win a fight on Second Amendment grounds. Oh goody! Naturally, Dick "shoot your lawyer in the face" Cheney is also campaigning for repeal of the existing weapons law. Why ruin a perfect record?
Among life's little ironies is the juxtaposition of the Washington Post detailing Congress' support for gun ownership directly across the page from an article about the gunman in Kirkwood, MO. This was the gentleman who shot up a city council meeting killing five and wounding the town's mayor. I quess that Congress thinks that the rent-a -cops at the front door will be enough to keep them safe.
As for the NRA, they won't be happy until the Washington Nationals establish "Gun Day" at the ball park.
_____________________________________________________________________
Item
Under the category of "you can't make this stuff up":
The Mississippi legislature is considering a bill that would prohibit restaurants from serving food to really fat people. "People are just going to the buffets and eating" says Mississippi State Representative Ted Mayhall. Mississippi has the highest obesity rate of any state in the country.
Mr. Mayhall has suggested fines for restaurants that feed the tubby but he was unclear as to how the overweight would be identified. Possibly a form of the height measurement device used at amusement parks. "If you can't fit between these two lines, you will be denied service". Perhaps the doors to Mississippi restaurants could be made narrow enough to only allow skinny people to get in. If you think the NRA bitches about gun control, wait until you hear the NRA (as in National Restaurant Assoc.) squawk about this proposal. Do you think the Second Amendment includes the right to keep and bear french fries? After all, burgers don't kill people. People with spatulas kill people!
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Item
A crowd of 250,000 Columbians protested last week in the streets of Bogotá. The rally was organized to attempt to stop the kidnappings in Columbia at the hands of FARC, the Marxist Leninist group that has snatched 700 people in the past 10 years. "Stop the FARCing kidnapping" was the rallying cry of the crowd (or it would have been if the crowd spoke English and had a sense of humor). The rebel group has become so synonymous with the kidnappings in Columbia that they are now just called "getting FARCed". OK I’ll stop now.
___________________________________________________________________
This just in...
The little town of Poczernin, Poland is about to recieve a dubious distinction. Thanks to the work of Rev. Andrzej Trojanowski, Poczernin will become the only center in Catholic Europe dedicated to the performance of exorcisms. Apparently the ritual casting out of demons has become quite the cottage industry in Poland. There are currently 70 priests in the country authorized to perform the ancient rite. (Italy has about 300 practioneers but almost everyone in Italy is possessed by something.) A Catholic University in Rome is offering a course in devil extraction.
Apparently the symptoms of possession in the new milennium are more subtle than the Linda Blair, head-spinning, ceiling- crawling that made the 1973 movie so creepy. All sorts of aberrant behavior can be proof of a demon dwelling within. Father Trojanowski claims to be seeing 20 people a week who are under the influence of evil spirits. His office must be near Fox News.
Depending on your point of view, the new exorcism center could be a boon for tourism. After all, contrary to popular myth, exorcisms can take months. (Do devils have a lease?) The possessed need somewhere to stay (I'm thinking The Cast-Out Inn). People eating for two or more will need serious buffet restaurants. A spa would be a must. Do you know what being possessed can do to your skin?
Should you come away from this item with the impression that isitjustme doesn't believe in the devil or in demonic possession than you clearly haven't read anything written here about Karl Rove. The world would be a better place if George W. Bush would load up Air Force One with the entire team from his first term and head for Poland. Maybe Fr. Trojanowski has a group rate.
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
...is the election process eating up all your brain cells?
Other things in the news...
Item
Fear not, America. Things are going beautifully in Afghanistan, especially if you are a crazy-ass radical Muslim. For one thing, agriculture is booming. Afghan farmers are filling their barns with everyone's favorite crop...poppies. The beneficiary of this farming bonanza is, naturally enough, our friends the Taliban. Apparently the Koran prohibits the personal use of drugs, but it's OK to sell poppies to Italy and Turkey. What they do with the stuff is their business. Things are so good that Mullah Omar is thinking of listing the Taliban on the New York Stock Exchange using the stock symbol "H".
All this prosperity will certainly have a positive effect on the end users. The price of smack in New York will become one of the few bargains in Manhattan. Junkies will now only need to mug half as many citizens on the streets in order to feed their habit. Rudy Giuliani is already taking the credit.
All of this good news has prompted Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice to participate in a Marion Barry moment. (It was former Mayor Barry who said, "If it weren't for all the murders in D.C., crime would be down.")
Secretary Rice was so eager to praise American success in Afghanistan that she completely ignored the pending execution of Sayed Parwiz Kambakhsh. Mr. Kambakhsh is a journalist and student who apparently printed an article off the internet criticizing the Koran for its treatment of women. In "the new, progressive" Afghanistan this crime will get you a trip to the gallows without the messiness of a trial. America's favorite Afghan President, Hamid Karzai won't touch this with a ten-foot hookah. Civil law in Afghanistan cannot contravene Islamic law and Mr. Karzai's hold on power is shaky at best. One blast from the mullahs and he's back in the rug business.
It is east to see why this administration is pointing to Afghanistan as proof of American success in the Middle East. Agriculture is booming, exports are at an all-time high, faith-based programs are succeeding (even if the faith is Islam) and the government is stable (so long as it remains inert). One can only wonder why other countries in the region aren't lining up for a slice of this.
____________________________________________________________________
Item
In other Middle Eastern news, a court in Iran has sentenced a 22 year old man to death for drinking. (In Texas, drinking is about the only thing that won't get you executed.) It seems that one of the delightful nuances of Islamic law is that, if you are caught drinking four times, hopefully not in the same night, you can be put to death (insert your own Brittany Spears/Kiefer Sutherland joke here). That's a bit harsh! If you're wondering why the immigration from Ireland to Iran is off a bit, look no further.
It's this sort of wacky jurisprudence that makes it easy to see why so many people around the world have embraced Islam. Who wouldn't want to join a gang of kooky guys that abuse women, cut people's heads off for the smallest offense and strap explosives to themselves for grins? It's like the Knights of Columbus only with sharper swords.
Item
Fear not, America. Things are going beautifully in Afghanistan, especially if you are a crazy-ass radical Muslim. For one thing, agriculture is booming. Afghan farmers are filling their barns with everyone's favorite crop...poppies. The beneficiary of this farming bonanza is, naturally enough, our friends the Taliban. Apparently the Koran prohibits the personal use of drugs, but it's OK to sell poppies to Italy and Turkey. What they do with the stuff is their business. Things are so good that Mullah Omar is thinking of listing the Taliban on the New York Stock Exchange using the stock symbol "H".
All this prosperity will certainly have a positive effect on the end users. The price of smack in New York will become one of the few bargains in Manhattan. Junkies will now only need to mug half as many citizens on the streets in order to feed their habit. Rudy Giuliani is already taking the credit.
All of this good news has prompted Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice to participate in a Marion Barry moment. (It was former Mayor Barry who said, "If it weren't for all the murders in D.C., crime would be down.")
Secretary Rice was so eager to praise American success in Afghanistan that she completely ignored the pending execution of Sayed Parwiz Kambakhsh. Mr. Kambakhsh is a journalist and student who apparently printed an article off the internet criticizing the Koran for its treatment of women. In "the new, progressive" Afghanistan this crime will get you a trip to the gallows without the messiness of a trial. America's favorite Afghan President, Hamid Karzai won't touch this with a ten-foot hookah. Civil law in Afghanistan cannot contravene Islamic law and Mr. Karzai's hold on power is shaky at best. One blast from the mullahs and he's back in the rug business.
It is east to see why this administration is pointing to Afghanistan as proof of American success in the Middle East. Agriculture is booming, exports are at an all-time high, faith-based programs are succeeding (even if the faith is Islam) and the government is stable (so long as it remains inert). One can only wonder why other countries in the region aren't lining up for a slice of this.
____________________________________________________________________
Item
In other Middle Eastern news, a court in Iran has sentenced a 22 year old man to death for drinking. (In Texas, drinking is about the only thing that won't get you executed.) It seems that one of the delightful nuances of Islamic law is that, if you are caught drinking four times, hopefully not in the same night, you can be put to death (insert your own Brittany Spears/Kiefer Sutherland joke here). That's a bit harsh! If you're wondering why the immigration from Ireland to Iran is off a bit, look no further.
It's this sort of wacky jurisprudence that makes it easy to see why so many people around the world have embraced Islam. Who wouldn't want to join a gang of kooky guys that abuse women, cut people's heads off for the smallest offense and strap explosives to themselves for grins? It's like the Knights of Columbus only with sharper swords.
Monday, January 21, 2008
...or did the founding fathers omit keggers from the Declaration of Independence for a reason?
How many dead college kids does it take before state governments are forced to act? Apparently that depends on the state.
The sensible folks of Minnesota are using the deaths of several college students to address the problem of binge drinking. Watering holes in college towns like Mankato offer unlimited cups of beer and mixed drinks for $5.00 from 9 PM to midnight. (No bar owner would be dumb enough to try this near a Jesuit school.) This clever sales ploy is having the exact effect you would expect.
In October, a 21-year old student died from alcohol poisoning. This brings to four students dead from drinking throughout the state. Minnesota is attempting to ban the practice of bottomless cups. Fond as I am of the occasional tipple, it is hard to argue with the state's concern. College students are particularly vulnerable (and particularly dopey). Any segment of the population willing to paint themselves in the school colors for a public appearance cannot be trusted to drink responsibly, especially when the hooch is free. From a practical standpoint, knowing "when to say when" might be "when" the money runs out.
Now slide your gaze 1,500 miles or so to the east, to the Commonwealth of Virginia. Public tragedy generates an entirely different response in the Old Dominion.
Consider the Commonwealth's reaction to the 32 brutal deaths at Virginia Tech last April. The legislature of Virginia immediately (well, seven months later) rushed into action and did ...nothing. The state imposed no additional restrictions on gun purchases. Background checks are still not required at gun shows or for private gun sales. Clearly the good old boys in Richmond consider the deaths in Blacksburg acceptable collateral damage.
Legislators from such enlightened corners of the state as Lynchburg and Roanoke argue that the gunman at Virginia Tech, Seung-Hui Cho, bought his guns legally and passed a background check. Sadly, that's true. However, had his mental condition been known to the state, and had he been denied a gun at a liscensed shop, he would have still been free to buy his weapon of choice at any of hundreds of gun shows around Virginia.
Face it folks, we are never going to pry the guns from the warm, living hands of people in America who are determined to own them. We can however, try to make it a little tougher to buy a gun if you are a convicted wife-beater or if your mental elevator doesn't ascend all the way to the top.
Slippery slopes notwithstanding, why do responsible gun owners constantly defend the rights of the irresponsible? Thousands die each year from bullets fired either in anger or by accident. Why is it so strange for a resident of Missouri or Idaho to be a concerned citizen first and a gun owner second? These people are victims of their own lobby. They support an organization that is primarily responsible for protecting the rights of killers and crazies. How does that make sense?
If the Auto Club spent my dues campaigning to allow drunks and crazy people to keep buying cars and driving on my roads, I'd raise hell. Explain to me how the NRA is different?
In case there are any Virginia State Senators reading this, please note...guns don't kill people. Bullets kill people.
Crazy people with guns, and bulltes kill people.
People who can buy guns and bullets at the local expo center without ID or a background check, kill people.
I guess 32 dead wasn't enough of a body count to cause a response in Virginia. Clearly none of the legislators in Richmond had kids at VT that day.
The sensible folks of Minnesota are using the deaths of several college students to address the problem of binge drinking. Watering holes in college towns like Mankato offer unlimited cups of beer and mixed drinks for $5.00 from 9 PM to midnight. (No bar owner would be dumb enough to try this near a Jesuit school.) This clever sales ploy is having the exact effect you would expect.
In October, a 21-year old student died from alcohol poisoning. This brings to four students dead from drinking throughout the state. Minnesota is attempting to ban the practice of bottomless cups. Fond as I am of the occasional tipple, it is hard to argue with the state's concern. College students are particularly vulnerable (and particularly dopey). Any segment of the population willing to paint themselves in the school colors for a public appearance cannot be trusted to drink responsibly, especially when the hooch is free. From a practical standpoint, knowing "when to say when" might be "when" the money runs out.
Now slide your gaze 1,500 miles or so to the east, to the Commonwealth of Virginia. Public tragedy generates an entirely different response in the Old Dominion.
Consider the Commonwealth's reaction to the 32 brutal deaths at Virginia Tech last April. The legislature of Virginia immediately (well, seven months later) rushed into action and did ...nothing. The state imposed no additional restrictions on gun purchases. Background checks are still not required at gun shows or for private gun sales. Clearly the good old boys in Richmond consider the deaths in Blacksburg acceptable collateral damage.
Legislators from such enlightened corners of the state as Lynchburg and Roanoke argue that the gunman at Virginia Tech, Seung-Hui Cho, bought his guns legally and passed a background check. Sadly, that's true. However, had his mental condition been known to the state, and had he been denied a gun at a liscensed shop, he would have still been free to buy his weapon of choice at any of hundreds of gun shows around Virginia.
Face it folks, we are never going to pry the guns from the warm, living hands of people in America who are determined to own them. We can however, try to make it a little tougher to buy a gun if you are a convicted wife-beater or if your mental elevator doesn't ascend all the way to the top.
Slippery slopes notwithstanding, why do responsible gun owners constantly defend the rights of the irresponsible? Thousands die each year from bullets fired either in anger or by accident. Why is it so strange for a resident of Missouri or Idaho to be a concerned citizen first and a gun owner second? These people are victims of their own lobby. They support an organization that is primarily responsible for protecting the rights of killers and crazies. How does that make sense?
If the Auto Club spent my dues campaigning to allow drunks and crazy people to keep buying cars and driving on my roads, I'd raise hell. Explain to me how the NRA is different?
In case there are any Virginia State Senators reading this, please note...guns don't kill people. Bullets kill people.
Crazy people with guns, and bulltes kill people.
People who can buy guns and bullets at the local expo center without ID or a background check, kill people.
I guess 32 dead wasn't enough of a body count to cause a response in Virginia. Clearly none of the legislators in Richmond had kids at VT that day.
Friday, January 18, 2008
...or should Bill and Hillary stand farther apart so we can tell which one is running for President?
As the Bill and Hillary Show lurches toward Super Tuesday, one question looms larger and larger in the minds of the American electorate...which one of these people is actually running?
I know what the campaign posters say. I know who is standing at the podium during the endless debates. (The one in the dress, right? See also "how to identify Rudy G.") However, in the day to day news coverage the quotes from the Clinton camp are as likely to be sourced to Him as Her.
This situation is considerably more troubling to the electorate than to the candidate. If Hillary wanted to show how decisive she can be, what better way than to tell hubby to shut up and sit down?After all, Hillary is a woman (probably) and strength of will is a factor in this race. No one is confusing Mrs. Clinton with Maggie Thatcher or Golda Meir. If she wishes to be taken seriously as a leader, she must first lead her noisy husband toward a corner for a well-needed time out.
Say what you will about the Bushes (and I usually do), George W. didn't have his dad running point in 2000. The first time you even saw George and Barbara was at the inauguration. But that is because Bush Sr. knew when to get off the stage. Bill Clinton apparently sees his wife's run for the presidency as an opportunity to return to the glory days of 1992. I guess it's hard to score with the babes when you have to explain to them why you're a celebrity.
The Clintons must see this "two candidate" strategy as a loser. Barak Obama has been kind up to this point. His comments about running against Clintons deux have been limited to occasional references to Bill's veracity. (Nothing new there!) Wait until the Republicans join the fun. The prospect of revisiting Bill Clinton's many sins is enough to electrify the bolts in Karl Rove's neck.
Hillary's road to the White House will be tough enough without her wayward husband standing on the podium next to her with his metaphoric fly open.
Bill should confine his speaking engagements to venues of old ladies and minorities. He should stick to praising his wife for not publicly kicking his ass for all the humiliation he caused her. "My wife has been vetted, not only by 35 years of public life but by 33 years of marriage to me."
As for me, I like Bill Clinton. What's not to like? He's engaging, funny and all too human. I also liked high school. That doesn't mean I want to relive it. There's a reason that we look back fondly on our last car or our former lovers. The mind has a short memory for pain.
Sadly, Republicans show no such inclination. If you want to be reminded in excruciating detail how Bill Clinton was impeached, disbarred and discredited in 1999 just have him stand too close to the Junior Senator from New York while she is running for president. All that mud is bound to leave stains.
I know what the campaign posters say. I know who is standing at the podium during the endless debates. (The one in the dress, right? See also "how to identify Rudy G.") However, in the day to day news coverage the quotes from the Clinton camp are as likely to be sourced to Him as Her.
This situation is considerably more troubling to the electorate than to the candidate. If Hillary wanted to show how decisive she can be, what better way than to tell hubby to shut up and sit down?After all, Hillary is a woman (probably) and strength of will is a factor in this race. No one is confusing Mrs. Clinton with Maggie Thatcher or Golda Meir. If she wishes to be taken seriously as a leader, she must first lead her noisy husband toward a corner for a well-needed time out.
Say what you will about the Bushes (and I usually do), George W. didn't have his dad running point in 2000. The first time you even saw George and Barbara was at the inauguration. But that is because Bush Sr. knew when to get off the stage. Bill Clinton apparently sees his wife's run for the presidency as an opportunity to return to the glory days of 1992. I guess it's hard to score with the babes when you have to explain to them why you're a celebrity.
The Clintons must see this "two candidate" strategy as a loser. Barak Obama has been kind up to this point. His comments about running against Clintons deux have been limited to occasional references to Bill's veracity. (Nothing new there!) Wait until the Republicans join the fun. The prospect of revisiting Bill Clinton's many sins is enough to electrify the bolts in Karl Rove's neck.
Hillary's road to the White House will be tough enough without her wayward husband standing on the podium next to her with his metaphoric fly open.
Bill should confine his speaking engagements to venues of old ladies and minorities. He should stick to praising his wife for not publicly kicking his ass for all the humiliation he caused her. "My wife has been vetted, not only by 35 years of public life but by 33 years of marriage to me."
As for me, I like Bill Clinton. What's not to like? He's engaging, funny and all too human. I also liked high school. That doesn't mean I want to relive it. There's a reason that we look back fondly on our last car or our former lovers. The mind has a short memory for pain.
Sadly, Republicans show no such inclination. If you want to be reminded in excruciating detail how Bill Clinton was impeached, disbarred and discredited in 1999 just have him stand too close to the Junior Senator from New York while she is running for president. All that mud is bound to leave stains.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
...or should the primary process be renamed "Survivor, Washington D.C."?
As we eagerly anticipate February 5th, "Super Tuesday", 26 states will hold caucuses or primaries. Isitjustme is dreading February 6th, "Just Kill Me" Wednesday when the collective intelligence of my fellow Americans will be visible to the world. Nothing in the primary process thus far has led me to believe that our choices for candidates in 2008 will reflect much credit on our National IQ.
This was supposed to be the "anybody but George" election. This was to be "Listerine" vote where we wash the bad taste of the last eight years from our collective mouths. This was to be the monent when we said to the world, "We don't know what we were thinking in 2000 & 2004 but, seriously, we're over it."
Instead, we are traveling down the same road that brought us George the Lesser.
Have you ever wondered why all of the great democracies of the world have adopted the British system of government instead of ours? Countries like India, France, Greece, Denmark and Burkina Faso all have modeled their governing process after the parliamentary structure. Many of these governments were relics of the British Empire but all have maintained the system. Could it be that most countries see the wisdom of electing their leaders from the most experienced members of the legislature? Before you get to be Prime Minister, you learn your trade on the back bench. You gain experience as part of a governing process and, if you show skill as a leader, negotiator, consensus-builder and compromiser, you move up the ladder. Charisma helps but so does gravitas. Hell, we choose NFL head coaches with more care.
America has shown a particular disdain for experience. We haven't elected a senator to the presidency since Jack Kennedy. George H.W. Bush (George the Greater) was awash in experience but it was hardly the deciding factor in his election. Our curricula vitae for presidents have included: a peanut farmer, an actor, a frat boy baseball team owner and a man who never held a private sector job.
These men were all governors with zero understanding of foreign policy. Reading the New York Times (or in GWB's case, Sports Illustrated) hardly fills the gap. Being elected governor of Arkansas doesn't even qualify you to run Arkansas. By the time these guys get the hang of running the country, their first term is practically over. I know. FDR was governor of New York and Lincoln was a just country lawyer but even blind squirrels find nuts occasionally.
The experience wonks in this election are: John McCain, period. Hillary doesn't get points for being First Lady. I'm sorry but being in the pit crew just isn't the same as driving the car. The two other candidates with real chops were Chris Dodd and Joe Biden. Both were swept away faster than you can say New Hampshire Primary. Rudy Guiliani ran one city...one city. (He also ran three marriages; two into the ground.) If Osama has attacked Denver, Rudy's name would be unknown everywhere west of Newark.
Note: Why does everyone laugh when Dennis Kucinich says he saw a UFO but no one laughs when Mike Huckabee says he doesn't believe in evolution?
The American presidential process is "all sizzle, no steak". (Or in GWB's case, "All hat, no cattle"). With the exception of John McCain, none of the front runners is qualified to be president today. (George W. Bush has been in the job for seven years and he's still not qualified.)
People should define the issues that a president will face and elect the person best able to meet those challenges. If we don't we should be prepared for another Texas lightweight or a president who has spent so much time on his knees that it has become a habit.
This was supposed to be the "anybody but George" election. This was to be "Listerine" vote where we wash the bad taste of the last eight years from our collective mouths. This was to be the monent when we said to the world, "We don't know what we were thinking in 2000 & 2004 but, seriously, we're over it."
Instead, we are traveling down the same road that brought us George the Lesser.
Have you ever wondered why all of the great democracies of the world have adopted the British system of government instead of ours? Countries like India, France, Greece, Denmark and Burkina Faso all have modeled their governing process after the parliamentary structure. Many of these governments were relics of the British Empire but all have maintained the system. Could it be that most countries see the wisdom of electing their leaders from the most experienced members of the legislature? Before you get to be Prime Minister, you learn your trade on the back bench. You gain experience as part of a governing process and, if you show skill as a leader, negotiator, consensus-builder and compromiser, you move up the ladder. Charisma helps but so does gravitas. Hell, we choose NFL head coaches with more care.
America has shown a particular disdain for experience. We haven't elected a senator to the presidency since Jack Kennedy. George H.W. Bush (George the Greater) was awash in experience but it was hardly the deciding factor in his election. Our curricula vitae for presidents have included: a peanut farmer, an actor, a frat boy baseball team owner and a man who never held a private sector job.
These men were all governors with zero understanding of foreign policy. Reading the New York Times (or in GWB's case, Sports Illustrated) hardly fills the gap. Being elected governor of Arkansas doesn't even qualify you to run Arkansas. By the time these guys get the hang of running the country, their first term is practically over. I know. FDR was governor of New York and Lincoln was a just country lawyer but even blind squirrels find nuts occasionally.
The experience wonks in this election are: John McCain, period. Hillary doesn't get points for being First Lady. I'm sorry but being in the pit crew just isn't the same as driving the car. The two other candidates with real chops were Chris Dodd and Joe Biden. Both were swept away faster than you can say New Hampshire Primary. Rudy Guiliani ran one city...one city. (He also ran three marriages; two into the ground.) If Osama has attacked Denver, Rudy's name would be unknown everywhere west of Newark.
Note: Why does everyone laugh when Dennis Kucinich says he saw a UFO but no one laughs when Mike Huckabee says he doesn't believe in evolution?
The American presidential process is "all sizzle, no steak". (Or in GWB's case, "All hat, no cattle"). With the exception of John McCain, none of the front runners is qualified to be president today. (George W. Bush has been in the job for seven years and he's still not qualified.)
People should define the issues that a president will face and elect the person best able to meet those challenges. If we don't we should be prepared for another Texas lightweight or a president who has spent so much time on his knees that it has become a habit.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
...or is GWB's farewell tour not moving fast enough?
"If we don't kiss some Saudi ass over there we'll have to do it over here."
So reads the gospel according to George W. Bush.
Just so we all understand:
-the United States was attacked by nineteen men on September 11, 2001.
-eighteen of those men were Saudis.
-the President is attempting, by force-of-arms, to impose democracy on Iraq.
-Saudi Arabia is a monarchy. The King is no fan of individual freedoms.
The logical reaction to these facts would be:
1)Send the Saudis a smart-bomb candygram.
2)Move heaven and earth to break America's dependence on foreign/Saudi oil, then send them a smart-bomb candygram.
3)Clear brush in Crawford, Tx until Jan 20, 2009.
4) Agree to sell the Saudis $123 million in high tech weapons.
One suspects that Genius George's next foreign policy coup will be to sell high-speed humvees to the tribes of Darfur so the rapists can cover more ground.
Please tell me on what planet it makes any sense to sell munitions to a country that is most threatened by any American success in their region? It is true that, as long as America maintains the umbilical cord between Aramco and their suburban garages, we need to make nice. However, that doesn't mean that we provide the Saudis with the dynamite to blow the region up. Our "friends" the Israelis must be thrilled. More guns for the Arabs has always been on of their mottoes.
Why can't George and King Abdullah bin Abdul Aziz just talk about areas of common interest? For example, they could discuss the most efficient method to execute prisoners. I believe the Saudis use a rusty rapier. That should please Judge Scalia. Then there's always the subject of torture. The Bush Administration has been outsourcing the brutal mistreatment of prisoners to Saudi Arabia for some time. They could re-negotiate the contract to include healthcare for the torturers.
They could chat about how to keep the population of their countries asleep while you run the country any way you like. Both appear to be experts. King Abdullah might even give George a few pointers on how to handle the press. (see also, rusty rapiers).
What remains clear is that the only thing worse than Bush foreign policy is Bush foreign policy on the road. American travel to Europe will certainly be down this summer. We are all too ashamed.
We can only hope that the price of oil rises so high that Air Force One becomes too expensive to fly... except from Washington to Crawford...one way. At that point the Saudis will have done the American people a great service.
So reads the gospel according to George W. Bush.
Just so we all understand:
-the United States was attacked by nineteen men on September 11, 2001.
-eighteen of those men were Saudis.
-the President is attempting, by force-of-arms, to impose democracy on Iraq.
-Saudi Arabia is a monarchy. The King is no fan of individual freedoms.
The logical reaction to these facts would be:
1)Send the Saudis a smart-bomb candygram.
2)Move heaven and earth to break America's dependence on foreign/Saudi oil, then send them a smart-bomb candygram.
3)Clear brush in Crawford, Tx until Jan 20, 2009.
4) Agree to sell the Saudis $123 million in high tech weapons.
One suspects that Genius George's next foreign policy coup will be to sell high-speed humvees to the tribes of Darfur so the rapists can cover more ground.
Please tell me on what planet it makes any sense to sell munitions to a country that is most threatened by any American success in their region? It is true that, as long as America maintains the umbilical cord between Aramco and their suburban garages, we need to make nice. However, that doesn't mean that we provide the Saudis with the dynamite to blow the region up. Our "friends" the Israelis must be thrilled. More guns for the Arabs has always been on of their mottoes.
Why can't George and King Abdullah bin Abdul Aziz just talk about areas of common interest? For example, they could discuss the most efficient method to execute prisoners. I believe the Saudis use a rusty rapier. That should please Judge Scalia. Then there's always the subject of torture. The Bush Administration has been outsourcing the brutal mistreatment of prisoners to Saudi Arabia for some time. They could re-negotiate the contract to include healthcare for the torturers.
They could chat about how to keep the population of their countries asleep while you run the country any way you like. Both appear to be experts. King Abdullah might even give George a few pointers on how to handle the press. (see also, rusty rapiers).
What remains clear is that the only thing worse than Bush foreign policy is Bush foreign policy on the road. American travel to Europe will certainly be down this summer. We are all too ashamed.
We can only hope that the price of oil rises so high that Air Force One becomes too expensive to fly... except from Washington to Crawford...one way. At that point the Saudis will have done the American people a great service.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
...or does George Bush's passport have fewer stamps than a rural post office after Christmas?
President George W. Bush arrived in Israel on Wednesday. Fortunately, the pilot of Air Force One had a rough idea of where the country was because the Commander-in-Chief would be of little help. He skipped geography at Yale in favor of a Skull and Bones kegger. The momentousness of this occasion was exemplified by the placement of the story in The Washington Post. It appeared on page 15. George couldn't make page one if he announced that he was moving to a kibbutz. He has added new meaning to the term "irrelevant".
Presidents since Woodrow Wilson have been trying to fashion a workable plan for the Middle East. Until the 1930's it was more of a hobby than a foreign policy initiative. That changed when Mammoud went shooting at some food (sing it with me!) and up through the ground come a bubblin' crude. Oil that is, black gold, Tehran tea.
By the end of WWII we were a bit more concerned but our friends the British appeared to have things well in hand. We were at least confident enough to believe that no one would notice if we wedged a Jewish state into an underused hunk of real estate on the Eastern Mediterranean.
Throughout the 50's and 60's, the American jones for oil became troublesome but as long as the sheiks and sheikettes were happy buying planes and really cool hubcaps, the pipelines were wide open and life was good. Then came OPEC, the oil embargo, gas lines and, faster than you can say "Jeez, that Datsun is ugly" Americans were fearful of our oil dependence. That fear lasted about as long as Tom Tancredo's presidential bid, but U.S. Presidents took notice.
In 1978 Jimmy Carter brokered a deal between Menachem Begin of Israel and Anwar Al Sadat of Egypt. Say what you will about Jimmy Carter. That treaty was signed 30 years ago and it's still in force. Not bad for a peanut farmer.
Since then, each successive President has tried to cement his legacy as world leader by "bringing peace to this troubled region". Bill Clinton, not wishing to be remembered as "Mister pants-around-his- ankles" promised Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat everything but season tickets to the Redskins to secure a Middle East peace deal. Yasser held out for a spot on American Idol and the deal fell through. Now our "citizen of the world" President will give it a go.
The residents of the Middle East were initially grateful that an American plane flying over their country was not carrying a payload. Recent experience has taught them that American diplomacy is usually of the 50 caliber variety. However there were no smart bombs (of any kind) on this flight. If George can just manage to stop calling the locals Israelites all will be well.
It appears that the President has no actual plan to end hostilities between Israel and its feisty neighbors. His remarks have been limited to complaining about Iranian speedboats menacing our war ships and his standard "Why can't we all just get along" speech. No mention will be made of the increased jeopardy that Israel faces as a result of American nation-building in Iraq.
The president has called for "painful choices" which must be made if there is to be peace. Naturally, Israel will be asked to endure most of the pain because they are the only party in the game likely to listen to an American...except of course Oprah. The Palestinians at the conference can't hear the President over the shouts of "kill the crusaders". No matter. At least the President will be able to get some additional use out of the Mission Accomplished banner.
Presidents since Woodrow Wilson have been trying to fashion a workable plan for the Middle East. Until the 1930's it was more of a hobby than a foreign policy initiative. That changed when Mammoud went shooting at some food (sing it with me!) and up through the ground come a bubblin' crude. Oil that is, black gold, Tehran tea.
By the end of WWII we were a bit more concerned but our friends the British appeared to have things well in hand. We were at least confident enough to believe that no one would notice if we wedged a Jewish state into an underused hunk of real estate on the Eastern Mediterranean.
Throughout the 50's and 60's, the American jones for oil became troublesome but as long as the sheiks and sheikettes were happy buying planes and really cool hubcaps, the pipelines were wide open and life was good. Then came OPEC, the oil embargo, gas lines and, faster than you can say "Jeez, that Datsun is ugly" Americans were fearful of our oil dependence. That fear lasted about as long as Tom Tancredo's presidential bid, but U.S. Presidents took notice.
In 1978 Jimmy Carter brokered a deal between Menachem Begin of Israel and Anwar Al Sadat of Egypt. Say what you will about Jimmy Carter. That treaty was signed 30 years ago and it's still in force. Not bad for a peanut farmer.
Since then, each successive President has tried to cement his legacy as world leader by "bringing peace to this troubled region". Bill Clinton, not wishing to be remembered as "Mister pants-around-his- ankles" promised Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat everything but season tickets to the Redskins to secure a Middle East peace deal. Yasser held out for a spot on American Idol and the deal fell through. Now our "citizen of the world" President will give it a go.
The residents of the Middle East were initially grateful that an American plane flying over their country was not carrying a payload. Recent experience has taught them that American diplomacy is usually of the 50 caliber variety. However there were no smart bombs (of any kind) on this flight. If George can just manage to stop calling the locals Israelites all will be well.
It appears that the President has no actual plan to end hostilities between Israel and its feisty neighbors. His remarks have been limited to complaining about Iranian speedboats menacing our war ships and his standard "Why can't we all just get along" speech. No mention will be made of the increased jeopardy that Israel faces as a result of American nation-building in Iraq.
The president has called for "painful choices" which must be made if there is to be peace. Naturally, Israel will be asked to endure most of the pain because they are the only party in the game likely to listen to an American...except of course Oprah. The Palestinians at the conference can't hear the President over the shouts of "kill the crusaders". No matter. At least the President will be able to get some additional use out of the Mission Accomplished banner.
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
...or is George Bush just lame, duck or no duck?
And the hits just keep on comin':
Item
George W. Bush, in a bold example of statesmanship, has braved the storm in a skiff by courageously signing legislation the prevents the mentally ill from purchasing guns. Bravo Mr. President! It's leadership like this that will ensure the legacy of George W. Bush. Henceforth our President will be mentioned along with giants like Millard Filmore and John Tyler.
The law was introduced in 2002 but, as usual, it took a piano falling on their heads before anyone in Washington did anything. The piano in this case was the deaths of 32 students and teachers at Virginia Tech in April last year. The slaughter at VT was so horrific that even the NRA was ashamed to oppose this bill.
This law adds the certifiably insane to the growing list of Americans who will be denied their Second Amendment rights. The list currently includes quadriplegics, fetuses and the dead.
In a related story, Dick Cheney is buying all the guns he can in advance of the law's effective date. With his record over the last seven years, you can't be too careful.
___________________________________________________________________
Item
The little town of Reeves, LA is breathing a little easier this year. Thanks to the efforts of its mayor, the town will no longer be marked with the sign of the beast. For forty years the people of Reeves have been forced by Ma Bell and her progeny to live with the ignominy of the number 666 as their telephone exchange.
Mayor Scott Walker has stated that, "We are good Christian people. This has been a black eye for our town; a stigma." The mayor can now turn his attention to more important issues like removing the thirteens from all house numbers and banning the sale of deviled ham from local food stores. At least the phone company will no longer be blamed for lightning strikes and tornadoes.
Several requests have been submitted to claim the 666 exchange. Notable among the applicants are the University of Arizona, De Paul University in Chicago, Duke University and of course Wake Forrest. Certain neighborhoods in New York City are also in the running. Think Hell's Kitchen.
___________________________________________________________________
Item (this from roving reporter J. O'C)
Only in New York.
Two men were arrested in Manhattan Tuesday for attempting to cash the social security check of a dead person. No big deal, you say. Perhaps, but these two geniuses were wily. They knew that the clerk at the Pay-O-Matic check cashing establishment would recognize the check's owner by sight. No problem. Our heroes ingeniously strapped the recently departed Virgilio Cintron (it was his check) to an office chair and wheeled him through the streets to the store. The crafty pair left Mr. Cintron parked in the street and when the clerk inquired about Mr. Cintron, our villains simply pointed to the corpse slumped in the chair.
The plan was foiled by a policeman lunching at a restaurant next store. So much for the best laid plans. Both gentlemen have been charged with fraud because sadly, felony stupidity is not yet a crime. That law is probably on the President's desk hiding under the "No Guns for Crazy People" legislation.
Item
George W. Bush, in a bold example of statesmanship, has braved the storm in a skiff by courageously signing legislation the prevents the mentally ill from purchasing guns. Bravo Mr. President! It's leadership like this that will ensure the legacy of George W. Bush. Henceforth our President will be mentioned along with giants like Millard Filmore and John Tyler.
The law was introduced in 2002 but, as usual, it took a piano falling on their heads before anyone in Washington did anything. The piano in this case was the deaths of 32 students and teachers at Virginia Tech in April last year. The slaughter at VT was so horrific that even the NRA was ashamed to oppose this bill.
This law adds the certifiably insane to the growing list of Americans who will be denied their Second Amendment rights. The list currently includes quadriplegics, fetuses and the dead.
In a related story, Dick Cheney is buying all the guns he can in advance of the law's effective date. With his record over the last seven years, you can't be too careful.
___________________________________________________________________
Item
The little town of Reeves, LA is breathing a little easier this year. Thanks to the efforts of its mayor, the town will no longer be marked with the sign of the beast. For forty years the people of Reeves have been forced by Ma Bell and her progeny to live with the ignominy of the number 666 as their telephone exchange.
Mayor Scott Walker has stated that, "We are good Christian people. This has been a black eye for our town; a stigma." The mayor can now turn his attention to more important issues like removing the thirteens from all house numbers and banning the sale of deviled ham from local food stores. At least the phone company will no longer be blamed for lightning strikes and tornadoes.
Several requests have been submitted to claim the 666 exchange. Notable among the applicants are the University of Arizona, De Paul University in Chicago, Duke University and of course Wake Forrest. Certain neighborhoods in New York City are also in the running. Think Hell's Kitchen.
___________________________________________________________________
Item (this from roving reporter J. O'C)
Only in New York.
Two men were arrested in Manhattan Tuesday for attempting to cash the social security check of a dead person. No big deal, you say. Perhaps, but these two geniuses were wily. They knew that the clerk at the Pay-O-Matic check cashing establishment would recognize the check's owner by sight. No problem. Our heroes ingeniously strapped the recently departed Virgilio Cintron (it was his check) to an office chair and wheeled him through the streets to the store. The crafty pair left Mr. Cintron parked in the street and when the clerk inquired about Mr. Cintron, our villains simply pointed to the corpse slumped in the chair.
The plan was foiled by a policeman lunching at a restaurant next store. So much for the best laid plans. Both gentlemen have been charged with fraud because sadly, felony stupidity is not yet a crime. That law is probably on the President's desk hiding under the "No Guns for Crazy People" legislation.
Monday, January 07, 2008
...or is it time to put the death penalty out of its misery?
It seems that we have been here before. On January 7th, 2008 the United States Surpreme Court heard arguments on whether execution by three-drug lethal injection constitutes cruel and unusual punishment. Once again the American legal system will line up on both sides of this issue and once again we will show the world the darker side of our national nature.
What is it about America that we appear so eager to find ways to express the worst in ourselves? Isn't reality TV enough? Why are state legislatures (mostly in the South) staying up nights to fashion new crimes for which death is the punishment? Even states that haven't executed anyone since the fifties are slow to wipe their capital punishment laws from the books.
As a society, we appear finally to be backing away from executing our criminals. Illinios has vacated all capital cases and New Jersey has abolished the policy all together. New Mexico, Maryland, Montana and Nebraska appear ready to follow suit. Florida, which proudly executed Ted Bundy in 1989, has 55 men who have been on death row for 25 years or more. The message is clear: lawmakers and officers of the court understand that executions are not only expensive, they are irreversible.
Nevertheless, Judge Antonin Scalia can't wait to get those three-drug cocktails flowing again. Executions in America have effectively been suspended pending the Supremes ruling as to whether the current system is cruel and unusual. The ever compassionate Judge Scalia, champion of the unborn, wonders aloud what clause in the Constitution guarantees a merciful death for murderers. The Bush judges, Roberts and Alito, seem inclined to agree. (Big surprise.)Even Beyer and Souter are reluctant to rule on this case (brought by two inmates in Kentucky).
It's easy to cheer when the likes of John Wayne Gacy and Timothy McVeigh are led to the gallows but the difficulty with capital punishment is that we apply the laws so badly. Since the 1976 reintroduction of the death penalty, 126 condemned men have had their convictions vacated. Of the 1,000+ inmates who walked the last mile, at least ten died in spite of grave doubts about their guilt. Do we really think that 1% is an acceptable margin of error?
If you were reading The Washington Post today, you could hardly miss the page 2 story concerning the pending Supreme Court ruling. What you may have overlooked was a page 5, three-inch item regarding one Ken Richey. Mr. Richey was released from Ohio's death row after pleading no-contest to charges relating to a 1986 fire in which a child was killed. An Ohio appeals court overturned Richey's conviction. The specifics are dull (except to Mr. Richey) having to do with competency of council and intent but, the underlying issue is that capital cases are unnecessary and often tragic. At one point Ken Richey was less than one hour from his date with the headsmen. Mr. Richey holds a British passport and is heading out of Dodge as quickly as possible. If you can catch him at JFK, ask him if he thinks the death penalty in the U.S. is cruel and unusual.
And so, as we watch with gleeful anticipation as Virginia executes John Allen Muhammad (the Washington sniper of 2002) and Texas continues its struggle to execute teenagers and the mentally handicapped we may wish to stop and reflect. What purpose do we serve by killing our own citizens? Justice? Vengeance? Who cares? Justice Scalia may not find mercy in the Constitution but he won't find vengeance in the New Testament either. How about a little strict constructionism, your honor!
What is it about America that we appear so eager to find ways to express the worst in ourselves? Isn't reality TV enough? Why are state legislatures (mostly in the South) staying up nights to fashion new crimes for which death is the punishment? Even states that haven't executed anyone since the fifties are slow to wipe their capital punishment laws from the books.
As a society, we appear finally to be backing away from executing our criminals. Illinios has vacated all capital cases and New Jersey has abolished the policy all together. New Mexico, Maryland, Montana and Nebraska appear ready to follow suit. Florida, which proudly executed Ted Bundy in 1989, has 55 men who have been on death row for 25 years or more. The message is clear: lawmakers and officers of the court understand that executions are not only expensive, they are irreversible.
Nevertheless, Judge Antonin Scalia can't wait to get those three-drug cocktails flowing again. Executions in America have effectively been suspended pending the Supremes ruling as to whether the current system is cruel and unusual. The ever compassionate Judge Scalia, champion of the unborn, wonders aloud what clause in the Constitution guarantees a merciful death for murderers. The Bush judges, Roberts and Alito, seem inclined to agree. (Big surprise.)Even Beyer and Souter are reluctant to rule on this case (brought by two inmates in Kentucky).
It's easy to cheer when the likes of John Wayne Gacy and Timothy McVeigh are led to the gallows but the difficulty with capital punishment is that we apply the laws so badly. Since the 1976 reintroduction of the death penalty, 126 condemned men have had their convictions vacated. Of the 1,000+ inmates who walked the last mile, at least ten died in spite of grave doubts about their guilt. Do we really think that 1% is an acceptable margin of error?
If you were reading The Washington Post today, you could hardly miss the page 2 story concerning the pending Supreme Court ruling. What you may have overlooked was a page 5, three-inch item regarding one Ken Richey. Mr. Richey was released from Ohio's death row after pleading no-contest to charges relating to a 1986 fire in which a child was killed. An Ohio appeals court overturned Richey's conviction. The specifics are dull (except to Mr. Richey) having to do with competency of council and intent but, the underlying issue is that capital cases are unnecessary and often tragic. At one point Ken Richey was less than one hour from his date with the headsmen. Mr. Richey holds a British passport and is heading out of Dodge as quickly as possible. If you can catch him at JFK, ask him if he thinks the death penalty in the U.S. is cruel and unusual.
And so, as we watch with gleeful anticipation as Virginia executes John Allen Muhammad (the Washington sniper of 2002) and Texas continues its struggle to execute teenagers and the mentally handicapped we may wish to stop and reflect. What purpose do we serve by killing our own citizens? Justice? Vengeance? Who cares? Justice Scalia may not find mercy in the Constitution but he won't find vengeance in the New Testament either. How about a little strict constructionism, your honor!
...or are elections only fun when the gloves come off?
OK now it gets interesting.
Prior to the Iowa caucuses there was only an amorphous mass of Democrats bickering among themselves and an amorphous pile of Republicans doing the same. Now we have winners and, more importantly, losers.
No one, least of all me, wants their presidential candidates chosen by the good people of Iowa. Were these contests organized to choose the best ear of corn or the most attractive livestock (insert your own joke here!) Iowa is as good a place as any for a decision. When, however, we are trying to determine who is the most qualified candidate to un-f**k America after the horror of George The Lesser, Iowans are a little too evangelical, rural and white for the task.
That said, at least the caucuses provide some measurable test as to how candidates are being received by a block of voters. For this we are indebted to the hardy souls of the Hawkeye State. While the rest of us are fed a steady stream of ads for E.D. and phone companies, the brave men and women of Iowa have endured the endless blather of almost twenty supplicants for president. The good news for Iowa is that, for the rest of this election, and for the next four years, they will be completely ignored.
So what have the people of Iowa given us?
First there is the twisted wreck of what once was the Hillary Bandwagon. This is what happens when you stay too long at the fair...especially the Iowa State Fair. When your campaign lasts longer than the run of Les Miz, people get sick of you. Ideas that looked good to folks at the beginning start to fade with age. A return to the peaceful, prosperous days of the Clinton presidency starts to look like more of the dynastic thinking that gave us George the not-so-great. Hillary's eight years of experience in the White House reminds us that she spent much of the time defending her husband from charges of diddling the help. That sort of experience might be useful if she were being considered for a role on Desperate Housewives but hopefully, America is looking for more.
In contrast, Barak Obama is a breath of fresh air. He's smooth, smart and seemingly without guile. He has actually been able to avoid closeted skeletons by revealing all his "secrets" at once. By refusing to "go negative" he has made it practically impossible for the Clinton camp to attack him without appearing Rove-esque. Aside from holding the door for her, Obama barely acknowledges that Hillary is even around. He is proving that you can be smart and still be likable. Remember that George Bush presented himself as folksy but competent. Turns out he was neither. Hil is in trouble and she knows it. If she loses New Hampshire her new job will be her old job: making sure Bill's zipper is up.
Mike Huckabee is Barak with a Bible. Like Obama, he represents some hope for the future rather than more of the same. Apparently even Republicans are gagging on the current band of felons in the White House. No one can spot a swine like an Iowan and they certainly identified the oinkers in both parties. Speaking of sleeping in the sty,even the affable John McCain could not overcome his new-found subservience to the will of the current administration. The message of November 2006 is still clear...we don't like the way Congress is behaving and we aren't interested in elevating anyone from that partisan mess to a higher office.
Mitt Romney, whose positions on the issues is printed on an Etch-a-Sketch, looks a little too blow-dried for the simple people of the Midwest. It's hard to connect with a guy who looks like one of the Brooks Bros. at five in the morning. Mitt was pro-choice in Massachusetts and the Christian Right isn't going to let him weasel out of that position just because he's on the other side of the Mississippi. Gov. Romney may be joining Hillary at the "What Went Wrong Cafe" come Wednesday.
We are still far from finished with this process. There's still Rudy "I swear I didn't know she was my cousin" Guiliani. His best hope is that 1) Romney and Huckabee shoot each other in New Hampshire and, 2) the rest of the country forgets about his three marriages, Bernie Kerik and his position on practically everything.
In any event, like we say in the pool room, there's a lot of green between here and there.
Prior to the Iowa caucuses there was only an amorphous mass of Democrats bickering among themselves and an amorphous pile of Republicans doing the same. Now we have winners and, more importantly, losers.
No one, least of all me, wants their presidential candidates chosen by the good people of Iowa. Were these contests organized to choose the best ear of corn or the most attractive livestock (insert your own joke here!) Iowa is as good a place as any for a decision. When, however, we are trying to determine who is the most qualified candidate to un-f**k America after the horror of George The Lesser, Iowans are a little too evangelical, rural and white for the task.
That said, at least the caucuses provide some measurable test as to how candidates are being received by a block of voters. For this we are indebted to the hardy souls of the Hawkeye State. While the rest of us are fed a steady stream of ads for E.D. and phone companies, the brave men and women of Iowa have endured the endless blather of almost twenty supplicants for president. The good news for Iowa is that, for the rest of this election, and for the next four years, they will be completely ignored.
So what have the people of Iowa given us?
First there is the twisted wreck of what once was the Hillary Bandwagon. This is what happens when you stay too long at the fair...especially the Iowa State Fair. When your campaign lasts longer than the run of Les Miz, people get sick of you. Ideas that looked good to folks at the beginning start to fade with age. A return to the peaceful, prosperous days of the Clinton presidency starts to look like more of the dynastic thinking that gave us George the not-so-great. Hillary's eight years of experience in the White House reminds us that she spent much of the time defending her husband from charges of diddling the help. That sort of experience might be useful if she were being considered for a role on Desperate Housewives but hopefully, America is looking for more.
In contrast, Barak Obama is a breath of fresh air. He's smooth, smart and seemingly without guile. He has actually been able to avoid closeted skeletons by revealing all his "secrets" at once. By refusing to "go negative" he has made it practically impossible for the Clinton camp to attack him without appearing Rove-esque. Aside from holding the door for her, Obama barely acknowledges that Hillary is even around. He is proving that you can be smart and still be likable. Remember that George Bush presented himself as folksy but competent. Turns out he was neither. Hil is in trouble and she knows it. If she loses New Hampshire her new job will be her old job: making sure Bill's zipper is up.
Mike Huckabee is Barak with a Bible. Like Obama, he represents some hope for the future rather than more of the same. Apparently even Republicans are gagging on the current band of felons in the White House. No one can spot a swine like an Iowan and they certainly identified the oinkers in both parties. Speaking of sleeping in the sty,even the affable John McCain could not overcome his new-found subservience to the will of the current administration. The message of November 2006 is still clear...we don't like the way Congress is behaving and we aren't interested in elevating anyone from that partisan mess to a higher office.
Mitt Romney, whose positions on the issues is printed on an Etch-a-Sketch, looks a little too blow-dried for the simple people of the Midwest. It's hard to connect with a guy who looks like one of the Brooks Bros. at five in the morning. Mitt was pro-choice in Massachusetts and the Christian Right isn't going to let him weasel out of that position just because he's on the other side of the Mississippi. Gov. Romney may be joining Hillary at the "What Went Wrong Cafe" come Wednesday.
We are still far from finished with this process. There's still Rudy "I swear I didn't know she was my cousin" Guiliani. His best hope is that 1) Romney and Huckabee shoot each other in New Hampshire and, 2) the rest of the country forgets about his three marriages, Bernie Kerik and his position on practically everything.
In any event, like we say in the pool room, there's a lot of green between here and there.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
...or has this site slipped from sight?
| Sorry for the hiatus. It's murder trying to find a new ribbon for these things. Now where were we? Oh yeah: Item Should you find yourself among "the huddled masses yearning to breathe free" you can always rely on a helping hand from the Bush Administration...unless you're a Kurd. The geo-political geniuses of the Bush White House have assisted the Turkish Air Force in a recent raid on the Kurdish rebels in Northern Iraq. Although regrettable, this course of action was considered preferable to allowing a full scale invasion by Turkey of Iraq's northern provinces. Once again, the Kurds take it in the shorts. Screwing the Kurds is something of a family tradition among the Bushies. George's dad allowed Saddam Hussein to use what was left of the Iraqi air force to bomb the Kurds after the first Gulf War. Having encouraged the Kurds to overthrow the Hussein government at their earliest opportunity, the Kurds were understandably perplexed by the apparent mixed message. When George the Lesser decided to try his hand at nation-building in Iraq, his only allies in the region were the Turks and, of course, the Kurds. Do these guys know how to treat a friend or what? Apparently, the enemy of my enemy is my enemy. The Kurdish representative in the Iraqi government, Massoud Barzani, is naturally vexed at the treatment his people are receiving at the hands of Bush & Co. There was, however one note of solace. Condolences arrived this morning in the form of a cable from Ray Nagin, Mayor of New Orleans. Ray wrote, "Massoud, keep your chin up. It could be worse. If Kurdistan is ever hit by a natural disaster, you'll find out how cruel this administration can really be." ____________________________________________________________________ Item Isitjustme has made a concerted effort to refrain from castigating the Catholic Church but, occasionally it is impossible to keep silent. As an organization committed to education, the leaders of the RCC seem incapable of learning anything from past mistakes. Attend the tale of Francis Eugene Cardinal George, OMI, Cardinal Archbishop of Chicago. To paraphrase a line from Richard Dreyfuss in Jaws, "...I know that you are going to ignore the fact that there is a (pedophile) problem until one swims up and bites you in the ass". Cardinal George is about to become president of the Conference of Catholic Bishops. Among clerics in America, this is a big deal. The president of the CCB will have a large voice in the administration of the Catholic Church. He will be the principal representative of American Catholics in Rome and he will be front and center for the Pope's visit in the spring of 2008. Sadly, Cardinal George is the poster boy for the Church's true feelings regarding pedophile priests; ignore the problem, blame the victims. The Catholic Church is running away from this issue as fast as possible; stopping only long enough to write enormous checks for compensation. Although zero tolerance for pedophiles is American Catholic policy since 2002, Cardinal George is on record as saying, "Are we saying that people with any kind of question in their past are not employable?" Holy underwear, Batman! Has this man never seen Law and Order? Pedophiles don't stop! They don't get better. Allowing a man to function as a priest after a conviction as a child molester is the worst kind of irresponsibility. But there is a new spin coming from the archdiocese of Chicago. (It's just possible that we've discovered what happened to Karl Rove.) In a sermon during a Mass celebrated for lawyers and jurists in Grand Rapids, Michigan, Bishop Thomas Paprocki from Chicago explained who the real villain is. In his legal opinion (Bishop Paprocki has a a law degree and a license in Cannon Law) the Church is under attack. "We must use our religious discernment to realize that the principal force behind these attacks is none other than the devil." Really? And here I was thinking that the "force behind these attacks" was a small army of people who had their trust in the clergy repaid with a lesson in sodomy. Who knew that, it was actually a red guy with a tail. Well, at least Bishop Paprocki got the horns right! Bishop Paprocki wasn't clear about the devil's actual role in the play. Was he whispering in the ear of the pedophile priests? Was he advising the victims to come forward? Perhaps the bishop was scanning his audience of lawyers to see if an exorcism was in order. When the devil and an attorney get together, bet on the lawyer. The Catholic Church has been settling claims all over America for five years and they still can't admit to the problem. Until Rome faces this issue head-on, no Catholic should drop a dime in any collection plate. When Benedict XVI arrives in America, Catholics should stay home. The Church doesn't belong to a bunch of men in dresses. It belongs to the faithful and until parishioners throughout America are prepared to stand up and make the Church admit the problem, the alienation between people and priests will continue. Vote with your feet folks, and with your wallets. ____________________________________________________________________ |
Item
Sean Taylor, defensive back for the Washington Redskins, was shot and killed in his home in Florida two weeks ago.
On Wednesday, December 5th, eight people were killed in a shooting at an Omaha, Nebraska shopping mall.
There are almost 200 million guns in private hands in the United States. 65 million are hand guns.
Any questions?
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
...or is Walmart something we should be thankful for?
Things that will make you wish you were Canadian: Item However, the issue that makes the news most often is the reason for today's rant: the manner in which Walmart treats its help. Walmart professes to be a friend to the working family, providing high quality goods at reasonable prices. That's true as long as the working family isn't working for Walmart. The company is maniacally anti-union. A union would presumably bring a measure of worker's rights to a company whose business practices would be more at home in the Philippines. Thousands of Walmart employees are without benefits mostly because their hours don't qualify them for full time status. Better to pay peanuts to two employees than benefits to one full-time worker. If you imagine that this is all covered by the term "good business practices" please avail yourself of page one of November twentieth The Wall Street Journal. Column three details the case of Deborah Shank. Ms. Shank, a Walmart employee with health insurance, was involved in an accident with a truck, (not Walmart's) leaving her with severe brain damage and in need of constant care. She was awarded $700,000 in a settlement with the trucking company. Legal fees and other expenses reduced the award to $417,000 which would go toward her future medical expenses, that is, of course, until Walmart stepped in. Two years ago Walmart's medical plan sued Ms. Shank for $470,000, an amount equal to the cost of her to that point. Let me say that again...Walmart sued Ms. Shank to recover the money they had paid for her hospitalization. They did it for the very best of reasons...the law says they can. In 2006 Walmart posted a net profit of $12.18 Billion on sales of $344 Billion. They are currently the largest public corporation by revenue. Now you have some idea as to how they got there, by screwing every last cent out of their work force. You can say that no one forces people to work at Walmart and that is certainly true. There should, however be a covenant between employer and employee that's rooted in fairness and respect. (Wow! What century were you born in?) Seriously! I know very few bosses that don't care whether their employees prosper. They value their reputations as caring even if it costs them a few rolls of Scotch Tape at Christmes. Walmart is spending millions to promote the idea that they are model world citizens: They're green; they're responsible. Sure. They're responsible for poisoning American children. When you grind your suppliers to cut costs and then cut them again, you shouldn't be surprised when the stuff you import is produced by slaves using lead paint. They will need all the paint they can find. It will take a lot to apply to the lips of this pig. |
Thursday, November 15, 2007
...or is reading only The N.Y. Post warping your prospective?
Things that aren't making the national press: The winner of this year's "Yoko Ono Professional Widow Award" is Mariane Pearl. For those of you that missed the brief theatrical release of "A Mighty Heart", Ms. Pearl is the widow of slain Wall Street Journal reporter Daniel Pearl. Since her husband's tragic death in 2002 in Pakistan, Mariane has been very busy creating a minor industry from her husband's death. Her first book and the fawning star-vehicle film that followed, were all about Mariane. Danny Pearl was so absent he could have been played by Claude Rains. Along the way, she has filed a law suit (since dropped) for damages from the Habib Bank and two Saudi sheikh as well as applying for relief as a victim of 9/11. (Now that took courage!) Now we have a new book about twelve courageous women which, by extension, includes Mariane Pearl. Her latest effort is a book called In Search of Hope: The Global Diaries of Mariane Pearl. The book details Ms. Pearl's travels around the world, interviewing women of consequence. Item Santa Clauses in Sydney Australia (is it "Santa Clauses" or "Santas Clause"?) have been told to abandon their traditional greeting of "Ho, ho, ho" because of the possible offense to women. No, really...you can't make this stuff up. The American Obesity Society is considering a request to abolish the "gobble, gobble, gobble" sound made by people dressed as Thanksgiving turkeys. ________________________________________________________________________Item ItemAnd while we're being shocked, leave us consider the brothers Krongard. Howard "Cookie" Krongard and his brother Alvin "Chip" Krongard find themselves in the crosshairs of the House Oversight and Government Committee. (If there's a more glaring example of oxymoron in government I've yet to hear it.) Cookie is the State Department's Inspector General and, as such, is responsible for keeping an eye on contractors like Blackwater. (Who gives a job like that to a guy called Cookie?) He is testifying before the House committee because accusations have surfaced that he has been quashing probes into Blackwater's activities overseas. During his testimony he addressed the "ugly rumors" that his brother, former CIA officer Buzzy Krongard, was on the Blackwater advisory board. Midway through his testimony Cookie was forced to "revise" his statements. He had just learned that, in fact, Buzzy was on the Blackwater board. Mon Dieu! One suspects that the conversation at Krongard family gatherings is confined to the plight of the Redskins and who's going to play Mariane Pearl in her next movie. I love this town! ___________________________________________________________________ Item Barry Bonds was inducted yesterday into a not-so-exclusive hall of fame. The honorees include Martha Stewart, Scooter Libby, G. Gordon Liddy and many others who have learned at their peril, what happens when you fib to federal policemen. For those of you who get all of your news from Jay Leno and Jon Stewart, Bonds was indicted for denying that he used performance enhancing drugs. Apparently the feds can prove otherwise. The moral of the story is, just because your medication can inflate your head to a size that rivals Mt. Rushmore doesn't mean that your brain gets larger. Presumably the investigation will also uncover transgressions by Sammy Sosa, Mark McGuire and others. The officials in Cooperstown are naturally relieved in that, they were unsure how the bust of these players would fit through the door. |
Monday, November 12, 2007
...or is the Bush administration just testing our gag reflex?
The gang in the White House is once again reminding us how long eight years can really be. By this time next year we will at least know who will be replacing George the Lesser and his gaggle of incompetents. At this rate I'll take anybody...Ron Paul...RuPaul...Les Paul...Pope John Paul...anybody. The concept of electing ex-servicemen to high office stems, in part, from the notion that those who have seen combat will be cautious when committing other to fight. Bill Clinton, the first modern President to have avoided military service, used his powers as Commander-in Chief only twice. The poorly conceived incursion in Somalia left both the President and the Army with a bloody nose. American forces committed to Bosnia fared better if only because the fighting had largely stopped before we arrived. Clinton was pressed constantly and correctly, over his draft evasion. Cheney spoke of freedom. "...free to live as we see fit, free to work, worship and speak our minds." Naturally, Mr. Cheney neglected to mention that his credo left the defense of those freedoms to others. He was otherwise occupied. However, Dick left a few "freedoms" out of his remarks. He might have included:
I don't know an American veteran who doesn't look back on his service with pride. Whether or not any of us ever knew the dubious distinction of being shot at (I was spared that honor) we all sense that, at a time in America when the call went out, we answered, however reluctantly. During that time, the Vice President of the United States chose to remain silent. He should have the grace to continue that silence on Veteran's Day. |
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