President George W. Bush arrived in Israel on Wednesday. Fortunately, the pilot of Air Force One had a rough idea of where the country was because the Commander-in-Chief would be of little help. He skipped geography at Yale in favor of a Skull and Bones kegger. The momentousness of this occasion was exemplified by the placement of the story in The Washington Post. It appeared on page 15. George couldn't make page one if he announced that he was moving to a kibbutz. He has added new meaning to the term "irrelevant".
Presidents since Woodrow Wilson have been trying to fashion a workable plan for the Middle East. Until the 1930's it was more of a hobby than a foreign policy initiative. That changed when Mammoud went shooting at some food (sing it with me!) and up through the ground come a bubblin' crude. Oil that is, black gold, Tehran tea.
By the end of WWII we were a bit more concerned but our friends the British appeared to have things well in hand. We were at least confident enough to believe that no one would notice if we wedged a Jewish state into an underused hunk of real estate on the Eastern Mediterranean.
Throughout the 50's and 60's, the American jones for oil became troublesome but as long as the sheiks and sheikettes were happy buying planes and really cool hubcaps, the pipelines were wide open and life was good. Then came OPEC, the oil embargo, gas lines and, faster than you can say "Jeez, that Datsun is ugly" Americans were fearful of our oil dependence. That fear lasted about as long as Tom Tancredo's presidential bid, but U.S. Presidents took notice.
In 1978 Jimmy Carter brokered a deal between Menachem Begin of Israel and Anwar Al Sadat of Egypt. Say what you will about Jimmy Carter. That treaty was signed 30 years ago and it's still in force. Not bad for a peanut farmer.
Since then, each successive President has tried to cement his legacy as world leader by "bringing peace to this troubled region". Bill Clinton, not wishing to be remembered as "Mister pants-around-his- ankles" promised Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat everything but season tickets to the Redskins to secure a Middle East peace deal. Yasser held out for a spot on American Idol and the deal fell through. Now our "citizen of the world" President will give it a go.
The residents of the Middle East were initially grateful that an American plane flying over their country was not carrying a payload. Recent experience has taught them that American diplomacy is usually of the 50 caliber variety. However there were no smart bombs (of any kind) on this flight. If George can just manage to stop calling the locals Israelites all will be well.
It appears that the President has no actual plan to end hostilities between Israel and its feisty neighbors. His remarks have been limited to complaining about Iranian speedboats menacing our war ships and his standard "Why can't we all just get along" speech. No mention will be made of the increased jeopardy that Israel faces as a result of American nation-building in Iraq.
The president has called for "painful choices" which must be made if there is to be peace. Naturally, Israel will be asked to endure most of the pain because they are the only party in the game likely to listen to an American...except of course Oprah. The Palestinians at the conference can't hear the President over the shouts of "kill the crusaders". No matter. At least the President will be able to get some additional use out of the Mission Accomplished banner.
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