"If we don't kiss some Saudi ass over there we'll have to do it over here."
So reads the gospel according to George W. Bush.
Just so we all understand:
-the United States was attacked by nineteen men on September 11, 2001.
-eighteen of those men were Saudis.
-the President is attempting, by force-of-arms, to impose democracy on Iraq.
-Saudi Arabia is a monarchy. The King is no fan of individual freedoms.
The logical reaction to these facts would be:
1)Send the Saudis a smart-bomb candygram.
2)Move heaven and earth to break America's dependence on foreign/Saudi oil, then send them a smart-bomb candygram.
3)Clear brush in Crawford, Tx until Jan 20, 2009.
4) Agree to sell the Saudis $123 million in high tech weapons.
One suspects that Genius George's next foreign policy coup will be to sell high-speed humvees to the tribes of Darfur so the rapists can cover more ground.
Please tell me on what planet it makes any sense to sell munitions to a country that is most threatened by any American success in their region? It is true that, as long as America maintains the umbilical cord between Aramco and their suburban garages, we need to make nice. However, that doesn't mean that we provide the Saudis with the dynamite to blow the region up. Our "friends" the Israelis must be thrilled. More guns for the Arabs has always been on of their mottoes.
Why can't George and King Abdullah bin Abdul Aziz just talk about areas of common interest? For example, they could discuss the most efficient method to execute prisoners. I believe the Saudis use a rusty rapier. That should please Judge Scalia. Then there's always the subject of torture. The Bush Administration has been outsourcing the brutal mistreatment of prisoners to Saudi Arabia for some time. They could re-negotiate the contract to include healthcare for the torturers.
They could chat about how to keep the population of their countries asleep while you run the country any way you like. Both appear to be experts. King Abdullah might even give George a few pointers on how to handle the press. (see also, rusty rapiers).
What remains clear is that the only thing worse than Bush foreign policy is Bush foreign policy on the road. American travel to Europe will certainly be down this summer. We are all too ashamed.
We can only hope that the price of oil rises so high that Air Force One becomes too expensive to fly... except from Washington to Crawford...one way. At that point the Saudis will have done the American people a great service.
Showing posts with label George Bush. Show all posts
Showing posts with label George Bush. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Thursday, January 10, 2008
...or does George Bush's passport have fewer stamps than a rural post office after Christmas?
President George W. Bush arrived in Israel on Wednesday. Fortunately, the pilot of Air Force One had a rough idea of where the country was because the Commander-in-Chief would be of little help. He skipped geography at Yale in favor of a Skull and Bones kegger. The momentousness of this occasion was exemplified by the placement of the story in The Washington Post. It appeared on page 15. George couldn't make page one if he announced that he was moving to a kibbutz. He has added new meaning to the term "irrelevant".
Presidents since Woodrow Wilson have been trying to fashion a workable plan for the Middle East. Until the 1930's it was more of a hobby than a foreign policy initiative. That changed when Mammoud went shooting at some food (sing it with me!) and up through the ground come a bubblin' crude. Oil that is, black gold, Tehran tea.
By the end of WWII we were a bit more concerned but our friends the British appeared to have things well in hand. We were at least confident enough to believe that no one would notice if we wedged a Jewish state into an underused hunk of real estate on the Eastern Mediterranean.
Throughout the 50's and 60's, the American jones for oil became troublesome but as long as the sheiks and sheikettes were happy buying planes and really cool hubcaps, the pipelines were wide open and life was good. Then came OPEC, the oil embargo, gas lines and, faster than you can say "Jeez, that Datsun is ugly" Americans were fearful of our oil dependence. That fear lasted about as long as Tom Tancredo's presidential bid, but U.S. Presidents took notice.
In 1978 Jimmy Carter brokered a deal between Menachem Begin of Israel and Anwar Al Sadat of Egypt. Say what you will about Jimmy Carter. That treaty was signed 30 years ago and it's still in force. Not bad for a peanut farmer.
Since then, each successive President has tried to cement his legacy as world leader by "bringing peace to this troubled region". Bill Clinton, not wishing to be remembered as "Mister pants-around-his- ankles" promised Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat everything but season tickets to the Redskins to secure a Middle East peace deal. Yasser held out for a spot on American Idol and the deal fell through. Now our "citizen of the world" President will give it a go.
The residents of the Middle East were initially grateful that an American plane flying over their country was not carrying a payload. Recent experience has taught them that American diplomacy is usually of the 50 caliber variety. However there were no smart bombs (of any kind) on this flight. If George can just manage to stop calling the locals Israelites all will be well.
It appears that the President has no actual plan to end hostilities between Israel and its feisty neighbors. His remarks have been limited to complaining about Iranian speedboats menacing our war ships and his standard "Why can't we all just get along" speech. No mention will be made of the increased jeopardy that Israel faces as a result of American nation-building in Iraq.
The president has called for "painful choices" which must be made if there is to be peace. Naturally, Israel will be asked to endure most of the pain because they are the only party in the game likely to listen to an American...except of course Oprah. The Palestinians at the conference can't hear the President over the shouts of "kill the crusaders". No matter. At least the President will be able to get some additional use out of the Mission Accomplished banner.
Presidents since Woodrow Wilson have been trying to fashion a workable plan for the Middle East. Until the 1930's it was more of a hobby than a foreign policy initiative. That changed when Mammoud went shooting at some food (sing it with me!) and up through the ground come a bubblin' crude. Oil that is, black gold, Tehran tea.
By the end of WWII we were a bit more concerned but our friends the British appeared to have things well in hand. We were at least confident enough to believe that no one would notice if we wedged a Jewish state into an underused hunk of real estate on the Eastern Mediterranean.
Throughout the 50's and 60's, the American jones for oil became troublesome but as long as the sheiks and sheikettes were happy buying planes and really cool hubcaps, the pipelines were wide open and life was good. Then came OPEC, the oil embargo, gas lines and, faster than you can say "Jeez, that Datsun is ugly" Americans were fearful of our oil dependence. That fear lasted about as long as Tom Tancredo's presidential bid, but U.S. Presidents took notice.
In 1978 Jimmy Carter brokered a deal between Menachem Begin of Israel and Anwar Al Sadat of Egypt. Say what you will about Jimmy Carter. That treaty was signed 30 years ago and it's still in force. Not bad for a peanut farmer.
Since then, each successive President has tried to cement his legacy as world leader by "bringing peace to this troubled region". Bill Clinton, not wishing to be remembered as "Mister pants-around-his- ankles" promised Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat everything but season tickets to the Redskins to secure a Middle East peace deal. Yasser held out for a spot on American Idol and the deal fell through. Now our "citizen of the world" President will give it a go.
The residents of the Middle East were initially grateful that an American plane flying over their country was not carrying a payload. Recent experience has taught them that American diplomacy is usually of the 50 caliber variety. However there were no smart bombs (of any kind) on this flight. If George can just manage to stop calling the locals Israelites all will be well.
It appears that the President has no actual plan to end hostilities between Israel and its feisty neighbors. His remarks have been limited to complaining about Iranian speedboats menacing our war ships and his standard "Why can't we all just get along" speech. No mention will be made of the increased jeopardy that Israel faces as a result of American nation-building in Iraq.
The president has called for "painful choices" which must be made if there is to be peace. Naturally, Israel will be asked to endure most of the pain because they are the only party in the game likely to listen to an American...except of course Oprah. The Palestinians at the conference can't hear the President over the shouts of "kill the crusaders". No matter. At least the President will be able to get some additional use out of the Mission Accomplished banner.
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