...or is reading only The N.Y. Post warping your prospective?

Things that aren't making the national press: Item There is a scandal going on in Washington; and the sun is expected to rise tomorrow and Christmas will arrive on December 25th. This particular scandal however, does not involve our federal government. This one belongs to the city of Washington. Granted, any city that is run by the U.S. Congress and that can elect Marion Barry to anything is bound to be a little meshuga but, hey, $31 million. That's a lot of paper clips and Scotch tape. The story involves Harriette Walters who until recently was Washington's manager of tax refunds. (You're way ahead of me, aren't you?) Harriette has been refunding property tax dollars to herself, her relatives and bogus companies to which she has access. (To show that Ms. Walters had a sense of humor, one of the companies was called "Bilkemor, LLC.) The details are still coming to light but it appears that the game has been afoot since 1999. Most legitimate refund checks run about $10,000. The funds heading to Ms. Walters and her family were closer to $300,000. No one seems to have noticed. Also considered unremarkable was the fact that Ms. Walters drove a Bentley. The Chief Financial Officer for the district is Natwar M. Gandhi (no relation). His response to the theft on his watch was predictable. He was shocked, shocked to learn that there was larceny happening under his very nose. Assuming no liability himself he is now investigating. Presumably he is determined to discover whether Ms. Walters signed the bogus check with government ink. The Feds have Ms. Walters, and her family and her lawyer, David Fuss. What they don't have is most of the loot. Ms. Walters owns a home on St. Thomas and one in the D.C. area. So far only about $6.5 million has been seized. Retailers in the Washington area view Ms. Walters arrest in Nov as unfortunate. Harriette was a fierce shopper at Christmas. Marion Barry was unavailable for comment. __________________________________________________________________________ Item The winner of this year's "Yoko Ono Professional Widow Award" is Mariane Pearl. Under the heading of, "...but enough talk about me. What do you think about me?" Mariane Pearl continues to play the role of "anything for a buck" victim. For those of you that missed the brief theatrical release of "A Mighty Heart", Ms. Pearl is the widow of slain Wall Street Journal reporter Daniel Pearl. Since her husband's tragic death in 2002 in Pakistan, Mariane has been very busy creating a minor industry from her husband's death. Her first book and the fawning star-vehicle film that followed, were all about Mariane. Danny Pearl was so absent he could have been played by Claude Rains. Along the way, she has filed a law suit (since dropped) for damages from the Habib Bank and two Saudi sheikh as well as applying for relief as a victim of 9/11. (Now that took courage!) Now we have a new book about twelve courageous women which, by extension, includes Mariane Pearl. Her latest effort is a book called In Search of Hope: The Global Diaries of Mariane Pearl. The book details Ms. Pearl's travels around the world, interviewing women of consequence. Maybe Hanna Montana can play Mariane in the next movie. _________________________________________________________________________ Item Santa Clauses in Sydney Australia (is it "Santa Clauses" or "Santas Clause"?) have been told to abandon their traditional greeting of "Ho, ho, ho" because of the possible offense to women. No, really...you can't make this stuff up. The American Obesity Society is considering a request to abolish the "gobble, gobble, gobble" sound made by people dressed as Thanksgiving turkeys. ________________________________________________________________________Item Item And while we're being shocked, leave us consider the brothers Krongard. Howard "Cookie" Krongard and his brother Alvin "Chip" Krongard find themselves in the crosshairs of the House Oversight and Government Committee. (If there's a more glaring example of oxymoron in government I've yet to hear it.) Cookie is the State Department's Inspector General and, as such, is responsible for keeping an eye on contractors like Blackwater. (Who gives a job like that to a guy called Cookie?) He is testifying before the House committee because accusations have surfaced that he has been quashing probes into Blackwater's activities overseas. During his testimony he addressed the "ugly rumors" that his brother, former CIA officer Buzzy Krongard, was on the Blackwater advisory board. Midway through his testimony Cookie was forced to "revise" his statements. He had just learned that, in fact, Buzzy was on the Blackwater board. Mon Dieu! One suspects that the conversation at Krongard family gatherings is confined to the plight of the Redskins and who's going to play Mariane Pearl in her next movie. I love this town! ___________________________________________________________________ Item Barry Bonds was inducted yesterday into a not-so-exclusive hall of fame. The honorees include Martha Stewart, Scooter Libby, G. Gordon Liddy and many others who have learned at their peril, what happens when you fib to federal policemen. For those of you who get all of your news from Jay Leno and Jon Stewart, Bonds was indicted for denying that he used performance enhancing drugs. Apparently the feds can prove otherwise. The moral of the story is, just because your medication can inflate your head to a size that rivals Mt. Rushmore doesn't mean that your brain gets larger. Presumably the investigation will also uncover transgressions by Sammy Sosa, Mark McGuire and others. The officials in Cooperstown are naturally relieved in that, they were unsure how the bust of these players would fit through the door.