More news you can't use.
Item
Pope Benedict XVI announced this week that the Catholic Church was closing Limbo. After an 800 year run, the Vatican has decided that unbaptized babies do go to heaven after all. None of the babies in question were available for comment but one can imagine their relief. Less relieved are the thousands of parents of stillborn children who were denied burial in consecrated ground for their babies. Over-organized religion has a lot to answer for.
Having resolved this compelling theological question, the Holy See will begin to unravel the more vexing concept of the infield fly rule.
As long as the Church is in such a wild and crazy mood, how about a re-think on condoms and women in the priesthood.
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A Sudanese man was forced to take a goat as his wife after he was caught having sex with it/her. You cannot make this stuff up!
And you were wondering why these places are referred to as the third world? If everyone in the Sudan was required to marry the barnyard animals with whom they had copulated, there would be a lot more pigs and sheep shopping the bridal dept. at Saks.
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Don Imus will be getting his first Christmas card this year from C. Vivian Stringer, coach of the Rutgers Women's Basketball Team. Thanks to the I man, Ms. Stringer (there's no crying in basketball) is the proud owner of a $450,000 contract extension. Although her success on the court should have been enough to insure a hefty raise, there's little doubt that her martyrdom at the hands of Don Imus provided some additional incentive for the president of her university.
Rutgers could hardly have stiffed the women who gallantly defended her players from a cruel slur that went largely unnoticed when it was first broadcast.
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It is being widely reported that Harry Reid, Democratic Senator from Nevada and Vice President Dick Cheney have been engaged in, what is being called, a war of words. This is significant in that it is the first war in which Mr. Cheney has actually taken an active role. Although the VP was a no show in Vietnam, he apparently feels that a 68 year old Mormon is less likely to inflict grievous bodily harm. And you thought that Cheney left his balls in that undisclosed location after 9/11. Shame on you.
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As most of you have heard by now, Rosie O'Donell is leaving her gig as one of the gabbers on The View. Apparently Rosie wanted a one year deal but ABC wanted her for three.
Never one to remain silent, Donald Trump, the hair piece from hell, opined that Rosie was fired.
Seemingly, no one mentioned to Don that ratings for The View are up 17% since Rosie joined the cast. And how does that compare with the numbers for The Apprentice? I thought you'd never ask. Since his first year in 2003, Trump's overall audience has dropped from 20 million to 10. I guess America's interest in watching a self-important creep trash a bunch of snotty kids in expensive suits has its limits after all.
I understand that you can now purchase the rights to the phrase "You're fired" on ebay right alongside Jimmy Walker's "Dy no mite!" and Hawaii Five O's! "Book 'em Dano".
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
...is the slaughter of 32 kids in Virginia enough for America to stop kissing the ass of the NRA?
Amendment II, United States Constitution
"A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed."
If you think that this reads like a blanket license to own as many handguns as a third world country, then you have less brains than a head of lettuce or George W. Bush.
I don't claim to know what was in the minds of the founding fathers when the Second Amendment was passed in 1791 but I know this; when the authors of our Constitution wanted to affirm a right or deny an action, they did it.
"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion...".
"No soldier shall, in time of peace, be quartered in any house without the consent of the owner...".
These amendments seem clear, don't they? No extra words. No intentionally ambiguous language. Why then, if the framers wanted Americans to have an unrestricted license to own firearms, did they insert the phrase, "A well regulated militia, being necessary.." into the second amendment?
The only logical conclusion is that the leaders of this new country wished to make a distinction between arming the populace for the common defense and the arbitrary and unfettered ownership of ordnance. Why is that so difficult to grasp?
No one is suggesting that the tragedy at Virginia Tech would have been averted if the gun laws in Virginia were more stringent. However, the ease with which Seung-Hui Cho was able to purchase two handguns and over 200 rounds of ammunition make the State a facilitator in the crime. The requirements for gun ownership in this country are so lax and porous as to be useless. America is not serious about restricting the purchase of handguns. Period.
Don't look to the White House for leadership or guidance on this issue. Clueless George is too busy trying to repeal the ban on assault weapons in the District of Columbia. That sounds like the single stupidest idea since ...say the invasion of Iraq. Why is there absolutely no political fallout from the attempt to arm Washington's gangs with machine guns? Because, say it with me, America is not serious about restricting the purchase of guns...any guns.
No one has asked for my opinion about gun ownership but as long as you're here, you might as well hear it.
1) Hunters can keep their rifles and shotguns. (I know that's big of me) I'm not a hunter but I get it. Most hunters are obsessively careful about the storage of their weapons anyway.
2) No one gets to carry a handgun or keep one in their home. If you like to shoot targets leave the gun at the range. If you get caught with a gun in your home you do three months in a county jail. People who think they need guns for protection, be my guest, but if you get caught you're going inside.
This includes the police department. Whoever dreamed up the idea of cops being on duty 24 hours a day never spent any time in a cop bar. Knowing that most of these inebriates are armed to the teeth is a sobering thought. Why should a police officer carry a concealed weapon at all times? Are sanitation workers required to pick up trash wherever and whenever they see it? Are teachers compelled to point out the historical inaccuracies of a movie while at a matinee? The police should be allowed to be as stupid and unruly as the rest of us without the fear of a .38 caliber exclamation point to an argument. Leave the gun at work.
3) Stop imports. We have plenty of companies dealing death in the US without help from Glock and Beretta.
4) We should begin to help Smith and Wesson and Remington get into a new line of manufacture. They can make rifles and shotguns as well as handguns for law enforcement and the military but only under contract and in limited supply.
5) Every advance in technology so far thwarted by the NRA should be adopted and implemented including gun registration, tagging the chemical composition of gun powder and, adopting fingerprint-recognition for gun triggers. Every gun gets registered. Every bullet for every weapon gets registered.
Wake up America. Guns kill people and the ease of purchase in this country makes the carnage at Columbine and Virginia Tech too easy and too frequent. We put millions of guns in the hands of our citizens and then affect shock when someone points one at another human being. At the risk of appearing insensitive, I suggest that the mourners currently decorating the Blacksburg campus with flowers begin to demonstrate at the Fairfax, VA home of the NRA. Get angry, people or get ready for the next tragedy.
"A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed."
If you think that this reads like a blanket license to own as many handguns as a third world country, then you have less brains than a head of lettuce or George W. Bush.
I don't claim to know what was in the minds of the founding fathers when the Second Amendment was passed in 1791 but I know this; when the authors of our Constitution wanted to affirm a right or deny an action, they did it.
"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion...".
"No soldier shall, in time of peace, be quartered in any house without the consent of the owner...".
These amendments seem clear, don't they? No extra words. No intentionally ambiguous language. Why then, if the framers wanted Americans to have an unrestricted license to own firearms, did they insert the phrase, "A well regulated militia, being necessary.." into the second amendment?
The only logical conclusion is that the leaders of this new country wished to make a distinction between arming the populace for the common defense and the arbitrary and unfettered ownership of ordnance. Why is that so difficult to grasp?
No one is suggesting that the tragedy at Virginia Tech would have been averted if the gun laws in Virginia were more stringent. However, the ease with which Seung-Hui Cho was able to purchase two handguns and over 200 rounds of ammunition make the State a facilitator in the crime. The requirements for gun ownership in this country are so lax and porous as to be useless. America is not serious about restricting the purchase of handguns. Period.
Don't look to the White House for leadership or guidance on this issue. Clueless George is too busy trying to repeal the ban on assault weapons in the District of Columbia. That sounds like the single stupidest idea since ...say the invasion of Iraq. Why is there absolutely no political fallout from the attempt to arm Washington's gangs with machine guns? Because, say it with me, America is not serious about restricting the purchase of guns...any guns.
No one has asked for my opinion about gun ownership but as long as you're here, you might as well hear it.
1) Hunters can keep their rifles and shotguns. (I know that's big of me) I'm not a hunter but I get it. Most hunters are obsessively careful about the storage of their weapons anyway.
2) No one gets to carry a handgun or keep one in their home. If you like to shoot targets leave the gun at the range. If you get caught with a gun in your home you do three months in a county jail. People who think they need guns for protection, be my guest, but if you get caught you're going inside.
This includes the police department. Whoever dreamed up the idea of cops being on duty 24 hours a day never spent any time in a cop bar. Knowing that most of these inebriates are armed to the teeth is a sobering thought. Why should a police officer carry a concealed weapon at all times? Are sanitation workers required to pick up trash wherever and whenever they see it? Are teachers compelled to point out the historical inaccuracies of a movie while at a matinee? The police should be allowed to be as stupid and unruly as the rest of us without the fear of a .38 caliber exclamation point to an argument. Leave the gun at work.
3) Stop imports. We have plenty of companies dealing death in the US without help from Glock and Beretta.
4) We should begin to help Smith and Wesson and Remington get into a new line of manufacture. They can make rifles and shotguns as well as handguns for law enforcement and the military but only under contract and in limited supply.
5) Every advance in technology so far thwarted by the NRA should be adopted and implemented including gun registration, tagging the chemical composition of gun powder and, adopting fingerprint-recognition for gun triggers. Every gun gets registered. Every bullet for every weapon gets registered.
Wake up America. Guns kill people and the ease of purchase in this country makes the carnage at Columbine and Virginia Tech too easy and too frequent. We put millions of guns in the hands of our citizens and then affect shock when someone points one at another human being. At the risk of appearing insensitive, I suggest that the mourners currently decorating the Blacksburg campus with flowers begin to demonstrate at the Fairfax, VA home of the NRA. Get angry, people or get ready for the next tragedy.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
...or did these stories slip past?
There are no slow news days, only slow bloggers.
Item
George Christian, executive director of the Library Connection, has denied the FBI access to library records in the Hartford, Conn. area. Well, hats off to George. Who would have guessed that one librarian in New England would have more balls that the entire 535 members of Congress (Nancy Pelosi notwithstanding).
The Patriot Act is the worst single piece of legislation since the Alien and Sedition Laws enacted under John Adams. The Bush administration used the attack on 9/11 to enact a draconian set of abridgments to American freedom and repeal is long overdue.
Mr. Christian was quoted as stating that freedom of speech is still alive and well in Connecticut. There is, however, still no talking in the library. Shhhhhhhhhhh!
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Item
The Department of Defense has extended the tour of duty of soldiers serving in Iraq from twelve to fifteen months. If that doesn't sound like a big deal to you than you have never served in an overseas assignment in the military.
From the moment a soldier or Marine sets one boot down in-country, they start counting down the days until they arrive at what used to be called, the "big wake-up" to go home. Having only a few weeks before leaving was known as being "short" and it was the best feeling there was. To have your time in-country extended by three months is about as demoralizing as getting a "Dear John/Joan" letter (or maybe it's a "Dear John/Joan" e-mail now). Anyway it sucks big time and it's a lousy thing to do to the kids that volunteered for this disaster. Shame on Don Rumsfeld and George Bush for trying to fight this war on the cheap.
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The paternity of Anna Nicole Smith's estate has been narrowed down to one blond a-hole. It appears that Anna Nicole had more boobs in her life than the two double D's she was buried with. Call me old fashioned but should it really take the combined scientific resources of two continents to discover the identity of this child's father? Why not just advise all parties that there is absolutely no money involved then wait to see who doesn't head for the airport? He's the dad.
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Ted Haggard is still straight after more than two months. Praise God and pass the Appletinis. Witnesses say that, during a prayer meeting in Madill, Oklahoma, Rev. Haggard jumped to his feet and ceremoniously burned his Judy Garland cd's and reduced his pink golf shirts to ashes. Unfortunately, repeated prayers have failed to miraculously heal the earring hole in his right ear. We're pulling for you Rev.
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Item
Because of the equal time rule in political campaigns, the producers of Law & Order might be required to shelve any episode featuring possible presidential candidate Fred Thompson as NY District Attorney Arthur Branch.
In a related story, the presidential candidacy of Rep. Dennis Kucinich is causing the Cartoon Network to consider suspending future episodes of Sponge Bob Squarepants.
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For you Fordham fans out there, attend the tale of Daniel Gross, third year law student at FU School of Law and a latter day Norma Rae. Gross is a former barista, that's a guy who earns beans for cooking up cups of coffee at Starbucks that cost more than the GNP of Brazil. (I thought that a barista was a South American lawyer.)
Anyway Daniel is trying to organize the employees of Starbucks to join the Starbucks Workers Union, an affiliate of the IWW. (Who knew they were still around?). This idea is about as popular with Starbucks as ten cent latte. In a Stepford-like response to inquiries, Starbucks claims to "respect" the right of "partners" (Starbucks-speak for employees) to organize. Of course they do. They also respect the rights of employees to get their union-joining asses over to Carabou and apply for a job there.
Companies like Starbucks can't exist without an army of part time, semi-skilled workers who get few benefits and have no rights. Unlike Circuit City, a company that unconscionably fired many of it's higher paid employees because they were highly paid (compared to a homeless person), Starbucks can't claim that competition is forcing them to cut costs. They make more on a cup of pretentious, cold coffee than a movie theater does on a large popcorn.
So man the barricades. Let's all line up behind Daniel Gross and his band of pseudo-socialists. Stand up America! You have nothing to lose but your decaf, double shot dulce de leche latte. No foam please.
Item
George Christian, executive director of the Library Connection, has denied the FBI access to library records in the Hartford, Conn. area. Well, hats off to George. Who would have guessed that one librarian in New England would have more balls that the entire 535 members of Congress (Nancy Pelosi notwithstanding).
The Patriot Act is the worst single piece of legislation since the Alien and Sedition Laws enacted under John Adams. The Bush administration used the attack on 9/11 to enact a draconian set of abridgments to American freedom and repeal is long overdue.
Mr. Christian was quoted as stating that freedom of speech is still alive and well in Connecticut. There is, however, still no talking in the library. Shhhhhhhhhhh!
___________________________________________________________________
Item
The Department of Defense has extended the tour of duty of soldiers serving in Iraq from twelve to fifteen months. If that doesn't sound like a big deal to you than you have never served in an overseas assignment in the military.
From the moment a soldier or Marine sets one boot down in-country, they start counting down the days until they arrive at what used to be called, the "big wake-up" to go home. Having only a few weeks before leaving was known as being "short" and it was the best feeling there was. To have your time in-country extended by three months is about as demoralizing as getting a "Dear John/Joan" letter (or maybe it's a "Dear John/Joan" e-mail now). Anyway it sucks big time and it's a lousy thing to do to the kids that volunteered for this disaster. Shame on Don Rumsfeld and George Bush for trying to fight this war on the cheap.
___________________________________________________________________
Item
The paternity of Anna Nicole Smith's estate has been narrowed down to one blond a-hole. It appears that Anna Nicole had more boobs in her life than the two double D's she was buried with. Call me old fashioned but should it really take the combined scientific resources of two continents to discover the identity of this child's father? Why not just advise all parties that there is absolutely no money involved then wait to see who doesn't head for the airport? He's the dad.
___________________________________________________________________
Item
Ted Haggard is still straight after more than two months. Praise God and pass the Appletinis. Witnesses say that, during a prayer meeting in Madill, Oklahoma, Rev. Haggard jumped to his feet and ceremoniously burned his Judy Garland cd's and reduced his pink golf shirts to ashes. Unfortunately, repeated prayers have failed to miraculously heal the earring hole in his right ear. We're pulling for you Rev.
___________________________________________________________________
Item
Because of the equal time rule in political campaigns, the producers of Law & Order might be required to shelve any episode featuring possible presidential candidate Fred Thompson as NY District Attorney Arthur Branch.
In a related story, the presidential candidacy of Rep. Dennis Kucinich is causing the Cartoon Network to consider suspending future episodes of Sponge Bob Squarepants.
___________________________________________________________________
Item
For you Fordham fans out there, attend the tale of Daniel Gross, third year law student at FU School of Law and a latter day Norma Rae. Gross is a former barista, that's a guy who earns beans for cooking up cups of coffee at Starbucks that cost more than the GNP of Brazil. (I thought that a barista was a South American lawyer.)
Anyway Daniel is trying to organize the employees of Starbucks to join the Starbucks Workers Union, an affiliate of the IWW. (Who knew they were still around?). This idea is about as popular with Starbucks as ten cent latte. In a Stepford-like response to inquiries, Starbucks claims to "respect" the right of "partners" (Starbucks-speak for employees) to organize. Of course they do. They also respect the rights of employees to get their union-joining asses over to Carabou and apply for a job there.
Companies like Starbucks can't exist without an army of part time, semi-skilled workers who get few benefits and have no rights. Unlike Circuit City, a company that unconscionably fired many of it's higher paid employees because they were highly paid (compared to a homeless person), Starbucks can't claim that competition is forcing them to cut costs. They make more on a cup of pretentious, cold coffee than a movie theater does on a large popcorn.
So man the barricades. Let's all line up behind Daniel Gross and his band of pseudo-socialists. Stand up America! You have nothing to lose but your decaf, double shot dulce de leche latte. No foam please.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
...or are we done with roasting Don Imus?
Enough already!
The Washington Post actually carried three separate stories on Wednesday about America's latest "offensive racial slur". The Pope wouldn't get this much ink if he announced that he planned to marry Madeline Albright.
Imus has been doing offensive humor for his entire radio career. It's the only thing moderately amusing about the show. Listening to Imus and his sidekicks poke fun at Al Sharpton, Rush Limbaugh and Woody Allen (not to mention the current and past New York Archbishops) was blessed relief from the ramblings of Imus' brother Fred and endless, insufferable dissertations on the intelligence of Imus' wife and son.
The level of outrage in the black community is, as it has been before, out of all proportion to the event. Al Sharpton was on the airwaves faster than you can say Tawana Brawley. Jesse Jackson, a little slower than he used to be, was picketing in front of CBS in plenty of time to make the six o'clock news. The coach of the rightfully offended Rutgers Women's Basketball team was actually crying during her televised statement. (There's no crying in basketball!)
This offense just does not rise to the level of Abner Louima or Amadou Diallo. Although I do not have the right to decide what will offend someone else, neither should Jesse and Al decide what offends ten women basketball players from New Jersey.
Now before you all insist that I have my liberal credentials re-validated, hear me out. Intent matters. How you say something, who says it and the circumstance under which you say it matters. If someone yells a racial or ethnic epithet at you in traffic, do you cry? Of course not. You flip them the bird and continue driving. If Chris Rock had said this on the Imus show, there would be no story and no apology.
However when Mel Gibson opines that Jews are the cause of all wars and directs that statement to a Jewish cop, the cop should be offended and by extension, so should the Jewish Community.
Imus thinks that if you are outrageous enough over a long period of time and if you attack all racial and ethnic groups equally no one will take offense. "We kid because we love". I'm guessing that a lot of people sitting in the front row of Don Rickles' concert were plenty offended but, hey, we're only kidding.
Whether Don Imus is a racist is entirely beside the point. Whether I'm an alcoholic or not, if I drink too much and throw up in your car, I can expect consequences. There are lines in comedy and Imus crossed one. He is now paying the price. Let's move on. By the way, can you imagine the size of the bouquet of roses that Albert Gonzales sent to Imus for taking him off the front page for a week?
The Washington Post actually carried three separate stories on Wednesday about America's latest "offensive racial slur". The Pope wouldn't get this much ink if he announced that he planned to marry Madeline Albright.
Imus has been doing offensive humor for his entire radio career. It's the only thing moderately amusing about the show. Listening to Imus and his sidekicks poke fun at Al Sharpton, Rush Limbaugh and Woody Allen (not to mention the current and past New York Archbishops) was blessed relief from the ramblings of Imus' brother Fred and endless, insufferable dissertations on the intelligence of Imus' wife and son.
The level of outrage in the black community is, as it has been before, out of all proportion to the event. Al Sharpton was on the airwaves faster than you can say Tawana Brawley. Jesse Jackson, a little slower than he used to be, was picketing in front of CBS in plenty of time to make the six o'clock news. The coach of the rightfully offended Rutgers Women's Basketball team was actually crying during her televised statement. (There's no crying in basketball!)
This offense just does not rise to the level of Abner Louima or Amadou Diallo. Although I do not have the right to decide what will offend someone else, neither should Jesse and Al decide what offends ten women basketball players from New Jersey.
Now before you all insist that I have my liberal credentials re-validated, hear me out. Intent matters. How you say something, who says it and the circumstance under which you say it matters. If someone yells a racial or ethnic epithet at you in traffic, do you cry? Of course not. You flip them the bird and continue driving. If Chris Rock had said this on the Imus show, there would be no story and no apology.
However when Mel Gibson opines that Jews are the cause of all wars and directs that statement to a Jewish cop, the cop should be offended and by extension, so should the Jewish Community.
Imus thinks that if you are outrageous enough over a long period of time and if you attack all racial and ethnic groups equally no one will take offense. "We kid because we love". I'm guessing that a lot of people sitting in the front row of Don Rickles' concert were plenty offended but, hey, we're only kidding.
Whether Don Imus is a racist is entirely beside the point. Whether I'm an alcoholic or not, if I drink too much and throw up in your car, I can expect consequences. There are lines in comedy and Imus crossed one. He is now paying the price. Let's move on. By the way, can you imagine the size of the bouquet of roses that Albert Gonzales sent to Imus for taking him off the front page for a week?
Saturday, March 24, 2007
...or were we all sleeping when these stories hit the fan?
More news blah blah..
Item
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, aka The Mormons, are in a snit this week over the distribution of a tee-shirt that depicts the angel Moroni, mascot of the church, swilling a trumpet full of java. The shirts are distributed by a Utah coffee shop called "Just Add Coffee". The Mormons, traditionally cranky when their symbols are the subject of whimsy, claim that the angel is trademark-protected. Wow! Does the Catholic Church have a registration mark on the crucifix?
At any rate, the spoil-sport attitude of the CJCLDS will certainly have a chilling effect on the follow-up tee-shirts which were expected to feature illustrations of Jesus, Moses, and Muhammad sitting under a fig tree in Jerusalem sharing good talk and a frappacino.
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Calvin Broadus, better known to you fans as Snoop Dogg, has been denied a visa to enter Britain for a series of concerts with P Ditty. The American rap star, who has spent more time in courts than the Bible, was arrested in a brawl at Heathrow Airport last year when several of his posse were denied admittance to the airport's first-class lounge. Go figure!
The Brits, who apparently feel that while they are stuck with Keith Richards and Paul McCartney, don't see the need to import substance abusers. Mr. Dogg is naturally shocked to learn that he is persona-non-grata in a country that freely permits George W. Bush to roam the countryside. Snoop is said to be contacting Willie Nelson for legal assistance.
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Item
Becoming Susan
Attend the tale of Steve Stanton, soon to be reborn as Susan Stanton. Steve had been employed as the well-regarded city manager of Largo, Florida. Sadly, the narrow-minded town fathers have taken issue with one of their favorite sons becoming one of their daughters. In a move that will certainly rock the transgender community, the city commissioners of Largo have sacked Mr./Ms. Stanton.
It is unclear at this time whether Steve/Susan will sue the City of Largo to retain his/her position. If he hasn't exhibited the necessary testicular fortitude for a fight to this point, it appears unlikely that the impending surgery will enhance that situation.
The planned "gender reassignment" (I love that term) was announced at a news conference last month. When the city manager of a town of 76,000 folks in central Florida calls a news conference, the last thing you expect to hear is that the guy is planning to have several of his body parts (and some pretty important ones) pitched into a dumpster behind a hospital in Geneva. (Do you even have to go to Switzerland any more?) Sounds like a lot of trouble to go
through just so you can hit from the red tees.
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Item
Russian police forces arrested hundreds of protesters in the town of Nizhny Novgorod in central Russia. The Kremlin never misses an opportunity to illustrate how democracy is thriving in the once repressive land of the czars. It seems that the demonstrators were protesting, among other things, the lack of free speech and free expression. The Russian police, regardless of who is in power, have always stood ready to beat the crap out of anyone who says that he is not a happy Russian citizen.
The Kremlin is quick to point out that they no longer condemn dissenters to the gulags. Instead, they are locked in a room and forced to watch Dancing with the Stars. Amnesty International has expressed shock at such inhumane treatment.
___________________________________________________________________
Item
It helps if you hear a news story from the beginning. Halfway into a broadcast of today's news, I heard discussion of a delusional, charismatic leader who employed deception and mind control to subjugate his followers. This puppet master relied on isolation and brain washing to keep cult members away from more moderating influences. Ultimately, the followers were led to their destruction.
Naturally I assumed that the story was about the Bush White House. Imagine my shock when I learned that the broadcast concerned the tenth anniversary of the Heaven's Gate mass suicide in Rancho Mirage, Ca. Honest mistake. If you should happen to see any photos of Marshall Applewhite, the leader of the Heaven's Gate folks, pay close attention to his ears. Look like anyone you know? Perhaps another delusional leader?
Item
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, aka The Mormons, are in a snit this week over the distribution of a tee-shirt that depicts the angel Moroni, mascot of the church, swilling a trumpet full of java. The shirts are distributed by a Utah coffee shop called "Just Add Coffee". The Mormons, traditionally cranky when their symbols are the subject of whimsy, claim that the angel is trademark-protected. Wow! Does the Catholic Church have a registration mark on the crucifix?
At any rate, the spoil-sport attitude of the CJCLDS will certainly have a chilling effect on the follow-up tee-shirts which were expected to feature illustrations of Jesus, Moses, and Muhammad sitting under a fig tree in Jerusalem sharing good talk and a frappacino.
___________________________________________________________________
Item
Calvin Broadus, better known to you fans as Snoop Dogg, has been denied a visa to enter Britain for a series of concerts with P Ditty. The American rap star, who has spent more time in courts than the Bible, was arrested in a brawl at Heathrow Airport last year when several of his posse were denied admittance to the airport's first-class lounge. Go figure!
The Brits, who apparently feel that while they are stuck with Keith Richards and Paul McCartney, don't see the need to import substance abusers. Mr. Dogg is naturally shocked to learn that he is persona-non-grata in a country that freely permits George W. Bush to roam the countryside. Snoop is said to be contacting Willie Nelson for legal assistance.
___________________________________________________________________
Item
Becoming Susan
Attend the tale of Steve Stanton, soon to be reborn as Susan Stanton. Steve had been employed as the well-regarded city manager of Largo, Florida. Sadly, the narrow-minded town fathers have taken issue with one of their favorite sons becoming one of their daughters. In a move that will certainly rock the transgender community, the city commissioners of Largo have sacked Mr./Ms. Stanton.
It is unclear at this time whether Steve/Susan will sue the City of Largo to retain his/her position. If he hasn't exhibited the necessary testicular fortitude for a fight to this point, it appears unlikely that the impending surgery will enhance that situation.
The planned "gender reassignment" (I love that term) was announced at a news conference last month. When the city manager of a town of 76,000 folks in central Florida calls a news conference, the last thing you expect to hear is that the guy is planning to have several of his body parts (and some pretty important ones) pitched into a dumpster behind a hospital in Geneva. (Do you even have to go to Switzerland any more?) Sounds like a lot of trouble to go
through just so you can hit from the red tees.
___________________________________________________________________
Item
Russian police forces arrested hundreds of protesters in the town of Nizhny Novgorod in central Russia. The Kremlin never misses an opportunity to illustrate how democracy is thriving in the once repressive land of the czars. It seems that the demonstrators were protesting, among other things, the lack of free speech and free expression. The Russian police, regardless of who is in power, have always stood ready to beat the crap out of anyone who says that he is not a happy Russian citizen.
The Kremlin is quick to point out that they no longer condemn dissenters to the gulags. Instead, they are locked in a room and forced to watch Dancing with the Stars. Amnesty International has expressed shock at such inhumane treatment.
___________________________________________________________________
Item
It helps if you hear a news story from the beginning. Halfway into a broadcast of today's news, I heard discussion of a delusional, charismatic leader who employed deception and mind control to subjugate his followers. This puppet master relied on isolation and brain washing to keep cult members away from more moderating influences. Ultimately, the followers were led to their destruction.
Naturally I assumed that the story was about the Bush White House. Imagine my shock when I learned that the broadcast concerned the tenth anniversary of the Heaven's Gate mass suicide in Rancho Mirage, Ca. Honest mistake. If you should happen to see any photos of Marshall Applewhite, the leader of the Heaven's Gate folks, pay close attention to his ears. Look like anyone you know? Perhaps another delusional leader?
Saturday, March 17, 2007
...or should Pope Benedict XVI take a vow of silence?
Isitjustme has stayed away from discussing the Roman Catholic Church at least in part because some of my best friends, etc. However a notice in the paper this week reminded me that it isn't just the right wing Protestant loonies that require watching.
For no particular reason, the Vatican issued a statement this week reinforcing the Church's position on gay marriage. The Holy See indicated that the subject was "non-negotiable" and that Catholic, elected officials should act accordingly. Holy white smoke, Batman. That's a helluva thing!
Way back in 1928 the Democratic party nominated the affable Governor of New York, Al Smith, to run for President. Al was the first Roman Catholic to be so honored. He was thumped by Herbert Hoover partly because much of Southern America believed that if we elected a Catholic, the United States would be run by edicts from Rome. Jack Kennedy would have to overcome the same prejudices 32 years later. Most Catholics at the time found the idea absurd. Why would the Pope be interested in meddling in the affairs of Washington? Well, here we are in 2007 and it turns out that the rednecks of 1928 were right to be concerned.
The delightful irony of this is that American Catholics rarely listen to the doctrines of Rome on any issue. In the U.S. 80% of Catholics practice birth control. (It's probably closer to 99% but some just won't fess up.) About half of the faithful in the U.S. are in favor of leaving Roe v. Wade where it is. The Pope has about as much clout in America as the Dalai Lama or the Archbishop of Canterbury. Perhaps the Vatican will have better luck with the members of Congress.
To be fair, the Catholic Church and many other denominations, view abortion as murder. On that basis the Pope is right to speak out against Catholics in government who support what the Church sees as state sponsored homicide. This really is non-negotiable for Catholics. However, the last time I looked, marriage was a civil matter. While the Church affords marriage sacramental status, priests are licenced by the state to preform what essentially is a secular function. By excoriating legislators to bend to the will of Rome on gay marriage, the Pope is interfering in a non-religious, civil issue. This would be similar to encouraging the owners of Yankee Stadium to prohibit the sale of hot dogs on Friday nights during Lent.
Can you imagine if any other religious leaders attempted to superimpose their doctrines on America? Rabbis could lobby for road closings to discourage travel on Fridays after sundown. Imams could demand the prohibition of liquor sales (again) to conform to Islamic law. The American Congress has managed quite nicely for the last 220 odd years without the infallible interference of the Holy Father. Here's the deal. If the Pope doesn't attempt to tell us how to run America, we won't tell him how to remove Father Chester the Molester from the priesthood.
If Benedict XVI wants to create a better America by having our laws modeled after Church teachings, how about we invoke the Catholic Church's prohibition against suicide and ban smoking? American Catholics might not have clean souls but at least they would go to hell with clean lungs.
For no particular reason, the Vatican issued a statement this week reinforcing the Church's position on gay marriage. The Holy See indicated that the subject was "non-negotiable" and that Catholic, elected officials should act accordingly. Holy white smoke, Batman. That's a helluva thing!
Way back in 1928 the Democratic party nominated the affable Governor of New York, Al Smith, to run for President. Al was the first Roman Catholic to be so honored. He was thumped by Herbert Hoover partly because much of Southern America believed that if we elected a Catholic, the United States would be run by edicts from Rome. Jack Kennedy would have to overcome the same prejudices 32 years later. Most Catholics at the time found the idea absurd. Why would the Pope be interested in meddling in the affairs of Washington? Well, here we are in 2007 and it turns out that the rednecks of 1928 were right to be concerned.
The delightful irony of this is that American Catholics rarely listen to the doctrines of Rome on any issue. In the U.S. 80% of Catholics practice birth control. (It's probably closer to 99% but some just won't fess up.) About half of the faithful in the U.S. are in favor of leaving Roe v. Wade where it is. The Pope has about as much clout in America as the Dalai Lama or the Archbishop of Canterbury. Perhaps the Vatican will have better luck with the members of Congress.
To be fair, the Catholic Church and many other denominations, view abortion as murder. On that basis the Pope is right to speak out against Catholics in government who support what the Church sees as state sponsored homicide. This really is non-negotiable for Catholics. However, the last time I looked, marriage was a civil matter. While the Church affords marriage sacramental status, priests are licenced by the state to preform what essentially is a secular function. By excoriating legislators to bend to the will of Rome on gay marriage, the Pope is interfering in a non-religious, civil issue. This would be similar to encouraging the owners of Yankee Stadium to prohibit the sale of hot dogs on Friday nights during Lent.
Can you imagine if any other religious leaders attempted to superimpose their doctrines on America? Rabbis could lobby for road closings to discourage travel on Fridays after sundown. Imams could demand the prohibition of liquor sales (again) to conform to Islamic law. The American Congress has managed quite nicely for the last 220 odd years without the infallible interference of the Holy Father. Here's the deal. If the Pope doesn't attempt to tell us how to run America, we won't tell him how to remove Father Chester the Molester from the priesthood.
If Benedict XVI wants to create a better America by having our laws modeled after Church teachings, how about we invoke the Catholic Church's prohibition against suicide and ban smoking? American Catholics might not have clean souls but at least they would go to hell with clean lungs.
Friday, March 16, 2007
...or is it time for the Bush team to stop speaking altogether?
Explaining the firing of eight US Attorneys and the attempted cashiering of all 93 of them in 2005, Press Secretary Tony Snow enlightened his audience last Friday as follows:
" This is as far as we can go: we know that [Bush advisor Karl Rove] recollects having raised it and his recollection is that he dismissed it as not a good idea", Snow told reporters. "That's what we know. We don't know motivations...I don't think it's safe to go any further than that."
Well I guess that clears that up! And we let these people lead us into a war?
As expected, Paul Gigot, Editorial Page Editor for The Wall Street Journal, sees this as much ado about nothing. That would be the same Paul Gigot who popped a hemorrhoid when the Clintons fired a few people in the White House Travel Office. What the Rove-Cheney people were contemplating in 2005 was the housecleaning of all 93 US Attorneys. Apparently they were investigating too many of "us" and not enough of "them". There was no thought of investigating their abilities or accomplishments. They serve at the pleasure of the President so off with their heads. Talk about your Nixonian enemies list!
No one is suggesting that George Bush knew anything about this. The President has "plausible deniability". Actually, the President has plausible deniability regarding just about every decision made in the White House over the last six years. It's truly sad that no one in America believes that George W. had any idea what Rove & Co. were contemplating. We assume he's clueless. Do you think that John McCain, had he been elected, would hide behind double-talking aides and cabinet ministers? Congratulations Kansas, you're getting the leadership you elected.
America put these people in office for all the wrong reasons and we are now paying a terrible price. We have a disaster in Iraq. The Katrina rubble remains where the storm left it. Wounded soldiers are returning to be treated with third-world medical care. Why would anyone care if a Presidential candidate memorized, read or even owned a Bible? Who gives a rat's ass where a candidate stands on gay marriage?
We will be suffering through another 20 months of this administration and hopefully, America will use the time to think about the qualities the next President will need. That person will require the positive outlook of Ronald Reagan, the honesty of Harry Truman, the experience of GHW Bush, the intelligence of Jimmy Carter and, the charisma of Bill Clinton (mostly so you can get elected). Whoever it is, let's just make sure that we don't permit two dozen farmers in Iowa and a flock of right wing religious zealots in South Carolina to make the choice. That's the road map that got us where we are today.
" This is as far as we can go: we know that [Bush advisor Karl Rove] recollects having raised it and his recollection is that he dismissed it as not a good idea", Snow told reporters. "That's what we know. We don't know motivations...I don't think it's safe to go any further than that."
Well I guess that clears that up! And we let these people lead us into a war?
As expected, Paul Gigot, Editorial Page Editor for The Wall Street Journal, sees this as much ado about nothing. That would be the same Paul Gigot who popped a hemorrhoid when the Clintons fired a few people in the White House Travel Office. What the Rove-Cheney people were contemplating in 2005 was the housecleaning of all 93 US Attorneys. Apparently they were investigating too many of "us" and not enough of "them". There was no thought of investigating their abilities or accomplishments. They serve at the pleasure of the President so off with their heads. Talk about your Nixonian enemies list!
No one is suggesting that George Bush knew anything about this. The President has "plausible deniability". Actually, the President has plausible deniability regarding just about every decision made in the White House over the last six years. It's truly sad that no one in America believes that George W. had any idea what Rove & Co. were contemplating. We assume he's clueless. Do you think that John McCain, had he been elected, would hide behind double-talking aides and cabinet ministers? Congratulations Kansas, you're getting the leadership you elected.
America put these people in office for all the wrong reasons and we are now paying a terrible price. We have a disaster in Iraq. The Katrina rubble remains where the storm left it. Wounded soldiers are returning to be treated with third-world medical care. Why would anyone care if a Presidential candidate memorized, read or even owned a Bible? Who gives a rat's ass where a candidate stands on gay marriage?
We will be suffering through another 20 months of this administration and hopefully, America will use the time to think about the qualities the next President will need. That person will require the positive outlook of Ronald Reagan, the honesty of Harry Truman, the experience of GHW Bush, the intelligence of Jimmy Carter and, the charisma of Bill Clinton (mostly so you can get elected). Whoever it is, let's just make sure that we don't permit two dozen farmers in Iowa and a flock of right wing religious zealots in South Carolina to make the choice. That's the road map that got us where we are today.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
...or should we not pick Alberto Gonzales to reach the final four?
More news you won't use:
Item
Attorney General Alberto "I never read a Constitutional Amendment I couldn't violate" Gonzales is standing squarely in the cross hairs of the recent controversy surrounding the firing of eight US Attorneys in 2006. The original game plan back in 2005 from the "take no prisioners" crowd at the White House, was to fire all 93 US Attorneys. The author of this scorched earth approach to law enforcement was none other than Harriet Meirs, then White House Counsel. You may remember Ms. Meirs as the legal giant that Mr. Bush nominated to sit on the highest court in the land. (Actually, George's first choice was Chatsworth "Skip" Osbourne, the President's father's caddy at Kennebunkport Country Club. Sadly Skippy was busy finishing his sophomore year of high school.)
The word out of the AG's office is that the firings were just part of a housecleaning and based on "poor performance". The lawyers in question were apparently particularly poor at listening to Republican Senators and Congressmen who called to offer advise regarding whom to prosecute and whom to cut some slack.
Anyway, fear not, America. Considering Mr. Gonzales' stellar record on civil rights and civil liberties he should have no trouble landing a job at either the Karl Rove Ministry of Fear or as the Attorney General for the Peoples Republic of China.
___________________________________________________________________
Item
Ted Haggard is still straight after six weeks. Praise the lord and pass the methamphetamine.
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Item
Speaking of Constitutional Amendments, the Supreme Court has chosen to hear the case of Morse v. Frederik. In case you haven't been following this most recent assault on the First Amendment, the facts are as follows:
Joseph Frederik, low level delinquent at the Juneau-Douglas High School in Juneau, Alaska was determined to make a statement (for what, he has no idea). Frederik had the idea of holding up a sign that said "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" as the Olympic torch passed his high school in 2002. The school principal, Deborah Morse, horrified that the Juneau school system would be seen on TV in such a disrespectful light, confiscated young Joe's sign. Mr. Frederik sued Ms. Morse for violating his right to free speech. The school board supported Ms. Morse and the game was on.
OK, I know that Joseph Frederik is an obnoxious snot and Alaska might be the best place for him. Still, this case is what we call in America "settled law". In Tinker v. Des Moines Independent Community School District, the Court ruled 7-2 that "It can hardly be argued that either students or teachers shed their constitutional rights of freedom of speech or expression at the schoolhouse door." (See how much you can learn here at isitjustme).
However, Tinker was written in 1969 when the Court included William O. Douglas and Thurgood Marshall. One can only imagine what will happen when Clarence Thomas and Anton Scalia (the frik-n- frak of jurisprudence) get involved.
Naturally, the Bush Justice Department and all the school boards in America are solidly in favor of silencing any form of free speech. If they had their way, students would all wear ties and skirts (preferably not together) and sit all day with their hands folded. Teachers would rule absolutely and corporal punishment would be the order of the day. The anti-free speech forces have solicited the aid of none other than Ken Starr, the Johnnie Cochrane of the militant right.
Ken didn't have much luck chasing the Clintons but he hopes to do better this time. As always, the ACLU is in the opposing corner. Just the sight of an ACLU lawyer makes Justice Scalia run to the nearest Catholic Church and request an exorcism.
This one promises to be a real nail-bitter boys and girls, because no one knows how the newest Court members, Roberts and Alito, will swing. Should the forces of evil prevail and students are forbidden to express themselves, the fans at Duke basketball games, famous for their ribald banter, will be in jail faster than you can say, "original intent".
Item
Attorney General Alberto "I never read a Constitutional Amendment I couldn't violate" Gonzales is standing squarely in the cross hairs of the recent controversy surrounding the firing of eight US Attorneys in 2006. The original game plan back in 2005 from the "take no prisioners" crowd at the White House, was to fire all 93 US Attorneys. The author of this scorched earth approach to law enforcement was none other than Harriet Meirs, then White House Counsel. You may remember Ms. Meirs as the legal giant that Mr. Bush nominated to sit on the highest court in the land. (Actually, George's first choice was Chatsworth "Skip" Osbourne, the President's father's caddy at Kennebunkport Country Club. Sadly Skippy was busy finishing his sophomore year of high school.)
The word out of the AG's office is that the firings were just part of a housecleaning and based on "poor performance". The lawyers in question were apparently particularly poor at listening to Republican Senators and Congressmen who called to offer advise regarding whom to prosecute and whom to cut some slack.
Anyway, fear not, America. Considering Mr. Gonzales' stellar record on civil rights and civil liberties he should have no trouble landing a job at either the Karl Rove Ministry of Fear or as the Attorney General for the Peoples Republic of China.
___________________________________________________________________
Item
Ted Haggard is still straight after six weeks. Praise the lord and pass the methamphetamine.
___________________________________________________________________
Item
Speaking of Constitutional Amendments, the Supreme Court has chosen to hear the case of Morse v. Frederik. In case you haven't been following this most recent assault on the First Amendment, the facts are as follows:
Joseph Frederik, low level delinquent at the Juneau-Douglas High School in Juneau, Alaska was determined to make a statement (for what, he has no idea). Frederik had the idea of holding up a sign that said "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" as the Olympic torch passed his high school in 2002. The school principal, Deborah Morse, horrified that the Juneau school system would be seen on TV in such a disrespectful light, confiscated young Joe's sign. Mr. Frederik sued Ms. Morse for violating his right to free speech. The school board supported Ms. Morse and the game was on.
OK, I know that Joseph Frederik is an obnoxious snot and Alaska might be the best place for him. Still, this case is what we call in America "settled law". In Tinker v. Des Moines Independent Community School District, the Court ruled 7-2 that "It can hardly be argued that either students or teachers shed their constitutional rights of freedom of speech or expression at the schoolhouse door." (See how much you can learn here at isitjustme).
However, Tinker was written in 1969 when the Court included William O. Douglas and Thurgood Marshall. One can only imagine what will happen when Clarence Thomas and Anton Scalia (the frik-n- frak of jurisprudence) get involved.
Naturally, the Bush Justice Department and all the school boards in America are solidly in favor of silencing any form of free speech. If they had their way, students would all wear ties and skirts (preferably not together) and sit all day with their hands folded. Teachers would rule absolutely and corporal punishment would be the order of the day. The anti-free speech forces have solicited the aid of none other than Ken Starr, the Johnnie Cochrane of the militant right.
Ken didn't have much luck chasing the Clintons but he hopes to do better this time. As always, the ACLU is in the opposing corner. Just the sight of an ACLU lawyer makes Justice Scalia run to the nearest Catholic Church and request an exorcism.
This one promises to be a real nail-bitter boys and girls, because no one knows how the newest Court members, Roberts and Alito, will swing. Should the forces of evil prevail and students are forbidden to express themselves, the fans at Duke basketball games, famous for their ribald banter, will be in jail faster than you can say, "original intent".
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
or are the Bushies continuing to run plays out of the Nixon playbook?
In the Godfather Part II, Willie Cicci is testifying before the Senate Committee on Racketeering. He's asked if the Corleone Family always had buffers between the senior officers and the "button" men. Willie says, "Oh yeah a buffer. The Family had a lot of buffers". Well so, it would appear, does Dick Cheney and one of them was found guilty yesterday of lying to a grand jury.
As Martha Stewart and Bill Clinton will gladly tell you, playing it cagey with the feds can be a dicey proposition. The underlying cause may or may not matter in the long run but if you play fast and loose with the truth, you could find yourself as a "ripped from the headlines" episode of Law and Order.
The American public has long ago lost interest in this trial. At the beginning, when it looked like Cheney or Rove might make it to the stocks, everyone paid attention. Lewis "Scooter" Libby however is a small fish. Aside from a few political geeks and policy wonks, no one had even heard of the guy. Patrick Fitzgerald, the federal prosecutor, abandoned all hope of any serious press coverage when the trial got scheduled during the new season of American Idol.
There are two things that everyone knows about this case:
1) Scooter Libby is taking the rap for his former boss, Dick Cheney.
2) OK. maybe one thing.
Once again Dick Cheney escapes the clutches of the Federal government. Back in the bad old days of Vietnam, Cheney was too busy with "other priorities" to serve his country in the military. Presumably one of those priorities was not getting shot in a rice paddy some 10,000 miles from dear old Wyoming. Now, once again, someone else will stand in the spot that Cheney should occupy. Once again the Vice President has been moved to a secure location. No one in America wants to think of their vice president as a coward but the evidence is overwhelming. When confronted with the fact that he owes his election to the gay-bashing Christians who would condemn his daughter Mary as a sinner, he attacks the interviewer. This guy is a piece of work!Bring back Spiro Agnew.
The facts in the Libby case are as follows: Cheney, Rumsfeld, Wolfowicz and Rove wanted war with Iraq and they were ready to steamroll anyone who tried to confuse the issue with facts. When Joseph Wilson returned from his fact-finding trip to Africa to report that the Hussein/uranium story was crap, the Cheney team wanted him discredited and, most of all, punished. They intentionally leaked Wilson's wife's CIA position to Robert Novak (I guess Ann Coulter was busy at the American Bigot Awards). When asked if he was involved in the leak, Libby lied to the feds. That's the story. All of the rest of the "Who knew What? When? and Who said What to Whom" is all smoke and mirrors.
You have to love my friends at the Wall Street Journal's Editorial Page. They were headed for the lynching tree when Bill Clinton lied about getting a BJ from ML at the WH but they are offended beyond words that Mr. Libby should be convicted of the exact same offense. The difference is that, when Bill lied to a grand jury, he wasn't taking one for the team. (Why does that sound suggestive?).
Now that Cheney has wriggled off the hook, no one will care if, as a parting shot in 2008, George W. pardons Scooter Libby. He's no more responsible for the crime than Dick Cheney's shotgun was during the hunting accident last year. Like OJ, we can only shake our heads and hope that there is justice down the road. Maybe Cheney will take sick and be rushed to Walter Reed for treatment. He could be ignored, maltreated and forgotten just like the real soldier he never was. Now that would be justice.
As Martha Stewart and Bill Clinton will gladly tell you, playing it cagey with the feds can be a dicey proposition. The underlying cause may or may not matter in the long run but if you play fast and loose with the truth, you could find yourself as a "ripped from the headlines" episode of Law and Order.
The American public has long ago lost interest in this trial. At the beginning, when it looked like Cheney or Rove might make it to the stocks, everyone paid attention. Lewis "Scooter" Libby however is a small fish. Aside from a few political geeks and policy wonks, no one had even heard of the guy. Patrick Fitzgerald, the federal prosecutor, abandoned all hope of any serious press coverage when the trial got scheduled during the new season of American Idol.
There are two things that everyone knows about this case:
1) Scooter Libby is taking the rap for his former boss, Dick Cheney.
2) OK. maybe one thing.
Once again Dick Cheney escapes the clutches of the Federal government. Back in the bad old days of Vietnam, Cheney was too busy with "other priorities" to serve his country in the military. Presumably one of those priorities was not getting shot in a rice paddy some 10,000 miles from dear old Wyoming. Now, once again, someone else will stand in the spot that Cheney should occupy. Once again the Vice President has been moved to a secure location. No one in America wants to think of their vice president as a coward but the evidence is overwhelming. When confronted with the fact that he owes his election to the gay-bashing Christians who would condemn his daughter Mary as a sinner, he attacks the interviewer. This guy is a piece of work!Bring back Spiro Agnew.
The facts in the Libby case are as follows: Cheney, Rumsfeld, Wolfowicz and Rove wanted war with Iraq and they were ready to steamroll anyone who tried to confuse the issue with facts. When Joseph Wilson returned from his fact-finding trip to Africa to report that the Hussein/uranium story was crap, the Cheney team wanted him discredited and, most of all, punished. They intentionally leaked Wilson's wife's CIA position to Robert Novak (I guess Ann Coulter was busy at the American Bigot Awards). When asked if he was involved in the leak, Libby lied to the feds. That's the story. All of the rest of the "Who knew What? When? and Who said What to Whom" is all smoke and mirrors.
You have to love my friends at the Wall Street Journal's Editorial Page. They were headed for the lynching tree when Bill Clinton lied about getting a BJ from ML at the WH but they are offended beyond words that Mr. Libby should be convicted of the exact same offense. The difference is that, when Bill lied to a grand jury, he wasn't taking one for the team. (Why does that sound suggestive?).
Now that Cheney has wriggled off the hook, no one will care if, as a parting shot in 2008, George W. pardons Scooter Libby. He's no more responsible for the crime than Dick Cheney's shotgun was during the hunting accident last year. Like OJ, we can only shake our heads and hope that there is justice down the road. Maybe Cheney will take sick and be rushed to Walter Reed for treatment. He could be ignored, maltreated and forgotten just like the real soldier he never was. Now that would be justice.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
...or was the axis of evil there all along?
Let me see if I have this right.
First, the President fires Donald Rumsfeld as Secretary of State causing the Pentagon to throw the biggest kegger in history. Then Karl Rove is mysteriously removed to an undisclosed location, hopefully a nudist colony in Greenland, and is almost never heard from again. Now, Vice President Dick Cheney (secret service code name, "Dr. Evil") has taken a week vacation to the forward edge of the battle area.
And, now that the cloud of insidous gloom has been lifted, what has happened? The President uses the opportunity to send Condellezza Rice to the Middle East to organize a tea dance with Iran, Syria, Saudi Arabia and Iraq; a move that was proposed and apparently rejected by the Administration when the Iraq Study Group Report was released. Also, President Bush visits New Orleans to "listen" to the citizens of that city (those who have managed to return or who never left) and learn of their frustration. Now that the water has cleared from their lungs they are presumably easier to understand. (Granted George has only talked to, and been photographed with, people who have actually been helped; but it's a start.)
Wow! Call William Peter Blatty! There has been another exorcism near Georgetown. George W. has had his demons cast out. He has seen the light. He has been cleansed. Praise Jesus.
We hardly know what to expect next. Perhaps the President will offer Mary Cheney the use of the White House for her wedding. He might invite outed, former NBA player John Amaechi to meet the twins. Or maybe he'll block some TV time and explain to the American people that he really never read any of the intelligence leading up to 9/11 because it was boring and besides, he had a tee time.
He may even admit that the closest he ever came to reading the Bible was watching The Ten Commandments three times. He might 'fess up that he never really liked or trusted the Christian Right. In fact, Jerry Falwell kind of creeps him out. Ultimately, he could confess to hating NASCAR.
Editors note: Reverend Ted Haggard is still straight after four weeks. Praise the Lord.
We all suspected that the President was just a tool of the right wing. Clearly, wanted-poster faces like Rumsfeld and Rove were un-electable so the Republican party needed an empty suit/empty head with a recognizable name to put on the campaign posters. (Posters of Rumsfeld or Cheney were considered too scary for children.)
Once George was elected the real power elite took over. They let Bush take the bows (and the heat) while they ran the country. Rumsfeld, Cheney & Rove had no interest in domestic policy which explains why, in six years of a Republican President and a Republican Congress, no significant domestic legislation has seen the light of day.They also had no use for the kind of real experience that Colin Powell brought to the State Department. No token black man was ever treated so shamefully. What RCR wanted was war with Iraq.
I think it was a wager among them. Rove bet that he could elect a can of Green Giant lima beans if given a free hand. Rumsfeld bet that he could march an undermanned, under-equipped military into war without anyone asking why or who would pay. Cheney bet that he could steal billions using Halliburton as cover. Compared to RCR; Hussein, Ahmadinejadand & 'lil Kim are tyros.
Well, that's all mission accomplished now. The three stooges of American foreign policy have left the building and guess what? George W. Bush is starting to run America. With two years left on his term (actually 22 months & 21 days but who's counting?) the President is beginning to act like the "compassionate conservative" that middle America elected in Nov, 2000. Wouldn't it be refreshing to have this man admit to his mistakes and pledge to do better? It would take the Mayo Clinic of spin doctors to fix his legacy thus far but at least he could attempt to do no more harm.
Give it a try, George. Keep Cheney on the road (there must be a funeral somewhere he can attend). Keep the bigots in Congress busy chasing Mexicans on the border. Keep Rove on ice and try to do some good with the time you have left. Call Jimmy Carter and see if he has an extra hammer.
First, the President fires Donald Rumsfeld as Secretary of State causing the Pentagon to throw the biggest kegger in history. Then Karl Rove is mysteriously removed to an undisclosed location, hopefully a nudist colony in Greenland, and is almost never heard from again. Now, Vice President Dick Cheney (secret service code name, "Dr. Evil") has taken a week vacation to the forward edge of the battle area.
And, now that the cloud of insidous gloom has been lifted, what has happened? The President uses the opportunity to send Condellezza Rice to the Middle East to organize a tea dance with Iran, Syria, Saudi Arabia and Iraq; a move that was proposed and apparently rejected by the Administration when the Iraq Study Group Report was released. Also, President Bush visits New Orleans to "listen" to the citizens of that city (those who have managed to return or who never left) and learn of their frustration. Now that the water has cleared from their lungs they are presumably easier to understand. (Granted George has only talked to, and been photographed with, people who have actually been helped; but it's a start.)
Wow! Call William Peter Blatty! There has been another exorcism near Georgetown. George W. has had his demons cast out. He has seen the light. He has been cleansed. Praise Jesus.
We hardly know what to expect next. Perhaps the President will offer Mary Cheney the use of the White House for her wedding. He might invite outed, former NBA player John Amaechi to meet the twins. Or maybe he'll block some TV time and explain to the American people that he really never read any of the intelligence leading up to 9/11 because it was boring and besides, he had a tee time.
He may even admit that the closest he ever came to reading the Bible was watching The Ten Commandments three times. He might 'fess up that he never really liked or trusted the Christian Right. In fact, Jerry Falwell kind of creeps him out. Ultimately, he could confess to hating NASCAR.
Editors note: Reverend Ted Haggard is still straight after four weeks. Praise the Lord.
We all suspected that the President was just a tool of the right wing. Clearly, wanted-poster faces like Rumsfeld and Rove were un-electable so the Republican party needed an empty suit/empty head with a recognizable name to put on the campaign posters. (Posters of Rumsfeld or Cheney were considered too scary for children.)
Once George was elected the real power elite took over. They let Bush take the bows (and the heat) while they ran the country. Rumsfeld, Cheney & Rove had no interest in domestic policy which explains why, in six years of a Republican President and a Republican Congress, no significant domestic legislation has seen the light of day.They also had no use for the kind of real experience that Colin Powell brought to the State Department. No token black man was ever treated so shamefully. What RCR wanted was war with Iraq.
I think it was a wager among them. Rove bet that he could elect a can of Green Giant lima beans if given a free hand. Rumsfeld bet that he could march an undermanned, under-equipped military into war without anyone asking why or who would pay. Cheney bet that he could steal billions using Halliburton as cover. Compared to RCR; Hussein, Ahmadinejadand & 'lil Kim are tyros.
Well, that's all mission accomplished now. The three stooges of American foreign policy have left the building and guess what? George W. Bush is starting to run America. With two years left on his term (actually 22 months & 21 days but who's counting?) the President is beginning to act like the "compassionate conservative" that middle America elected in Nov, 2000. Wouldn't it be refreshing to have this man admit to his mistakes and pledge to do better? It would take the Mayo Clinic of spin doctors to fix his legacy thus far but at least he could attempt to do no more harm.
Give it a try, George. Keep Cheney on the road (there must be a funeral somewhere he can attend). Keep the bigots in Congress busy chasing Mexicans on the border. Keep Rove on ice and try to do some good with the time you have left. Call Jimmy Carter and see if he has an extra hammer.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
...are there really some slow news days?
Item
Reverend Al Sharpton, having discovered that his ancestors were owned by relatives of former Senator Strom Thurmond, has now requested that there be a DNA test performed to determine if Strom and Al are, in fact, related. While they're at it, Rev. Sharpton's DNA should also be checked against that of former German President Paul von Hindenburg. Any similarity would account for the giant airbag disaster that Al Sharpton has become.
If this nonsense doesn't keep Rev. Al in the papers, he can always admit to being the father of Anna Nicole's baby. More about that later.
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Item
I think that we can safely assume that Melissa Etheridge is a lesbian. Did you see her at the Oscars? The hair, the clothes, introducing her female companion as her "wife" (How exactly does that work? Do they take turns or are they both wives?), and explaining that Oscar will be the only naked man in her bedroom. Boring!
Melissa, no one cares. Sleep with goats if you like. Just stop pushing your sexuality in everyone's face. It's unattractive. The last person to demand that everyone notice her sex was Anna Nicole.
Which brings us to...
____________________________________________________________________
Item
Here at isitjustme we try not to discuss the easy stuff. However, the on-going soap opera of "Our Ms. Smith" begs for comment.
It would appear that Anna Nicole is not having any more luck staying planted in death than in life. Apparently, Anna will be laid (sorry) to rest in the Bahamas. It's about time! If they waited any longer, she would have needed a trip to the Kremlin Resort & Spa for the "Lenin Kelp Treatment".
While the eternal rest decision has been made for Anna Nicole, the eternal custody battle for Daniellynn continues. Contestants include: Howard K. Stern, Larry Birkhead and 72 year old Frederic von Anhalt. The cable guy, the pool boy and the bagger at the local grocery have yet to be heard from. One guy, G. Ben Thompson, lost his bid when it was discovered that he had a vasectomy. He apparently forgot to read the fine print on the release form. Talk about people jumping on the bus after the accident! The sad part of this is that, for all of the clowns who claim to have slept with ANS no one is surprised or shocked.
Is anyone surprised that a Gabor somehow insinuated herself into this freak show? Freddy von Anhalt is Zsa Zsa Gabor's ninth and current husband. (One more and they can chose up sides and play full court.) Considering that Zsa Zsa was the first woman to be famous for being famous, (Eva was the talented one) it's amazing that, even at 90 years old, she can still manage to get ink in the middle of a sexy scandal.
The WalMart crowd can't get enough of this. It's like NASCAR... just one juicy wreck after another.
____________________________________________________________________
Item
A survey released today indicates that 87% of Europeans are happy with their lives. Well duh!
Of course they're happy. They don't have to spend all that money to get to Europe. They're already there. And of course, they're not living with the crushing shame of having elected George W. Bush as President...twice!
Seriously, if you want to see how to live a happy, stress-free life, watch the Europeans. They don't own Blackberrys. They don't commute for an hour and a half. They take a two hour lunch...with wine. They work a normal eight or nine hour day. They take six weeks of vacation. Americans who retire work more than that. Europeans don't stay up nights dreaming-up ways to work longer and harder. It's called balance and, if we tried the concept here we wouldn't be the world's largest consumer of Valium.
Reverend Al Sharpton, having discovered that his ancestors were owned by relatives of former Senator Strom Thurmond, has now requested that there be a DNA test performed to determine if Strom and Al are, in fact, related. While they're at it, Rev. Sharpton's DNA should also be checked against that of former German President Paul von Hindenburg. Any similarity would account for the giant airbag disaster that Al Sharpton has become.
If this nonsense doesn't keep Rev. Al in the papers, he can always admit to being the father of Anna Nicole's baby. More about that later.
______________________________________________________________________
Item
I think that we can safely assume that Melissa Etheridge is a lesbian. Did you see her at the Oscars? The hair, the clothes, introducing her female companion as her "wife" (How exactly does that work? Do they take turns or are they both wives?), and explaining that Oscar will be the only naked man in her bedroom. Boring!
Melissa, no one cares. Sleep with goats if you like. Just stop pushing your sexuality in everyone's face. It's unattractive. The last person to demand that everyone notice her sex was Anna Nicole.
Which brings us to...
____________________________________________________________________
Item
Here at isitjustme we try not to discuss the easy stuff. However, the on-going soap opera of "Our Ms. Smith" begs for comment.
It would appear that Anna Nicole is not having any more luck staying planted in death than in life. Apparently, Anna will be laid (sorry) to rest in the Bahamas. It's about time! If they waited any longer, she would have needed a trip to the Kremlin Resort & Spa for the "Lenin Kelp Treatment".
While the eternal rest decision has been made for Anna Nicole, the eternal custody battle for Daniellynn continues. Contestants include: Howard K. Stern, Larry Birkhead and 72 year old Frederic von Anhalt. The cable guy, the pool boy and the bagger at the local grocery have yet to be heard from. One guy, G. Ben Thompson, lost his bid when it was discovered that he had a vasectomy. He apparently forgot to read the fine print on the release form. Talk about people jumping on the bus after the accident! The sad part of this is that, for all of the clowns who claim to have slept with ANS no one is surprised or shocked.
Is anyone surprised that a Gabor somehow insinuated herself into this freak show? Freddy von Anhalt is Zsa Zsa Gabor's ninth and current husband. (One more and they can chose up sides and play full court.) Considering that Zsa Zsa was the first woman to be famous for being famous, (Eva was the talented one) it's amazing that, even at 90 years old, she can still manage to get ink in the middle of a sexy scandal.
The WalMart crowd can't get enough of this. It's like NASCAR... just one juicy wreck after another.
____________________________________________________________________
Item
A survey released today indicates that 87% of Europeans are happy with their lives. Well duh!
Of course they're happy. They don't have to spend all that money to get to Europe. They're already there. And of course, they're not living with the crushing shame of having elected George W. Bush as President...twice!
Seriously, if you want to see how to live a happy, stress-free life, watch the Europeans. They don't own Blackberrys. They don't commute for an hour and a half. They take a two hour lunch...with wine. They work a normal eight or nine hour day. They take six weeks of vacation. Americans who retire work more than that. Europeans don't stay up nights dreaming-up ways to work longer and harder. It's called balance and, if we tried the concept here we wouldn't be the world's largest consumer of Valium.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
...is the world moving too slow?
more news you can't use...
Item
The State of Kansas, glorious home of presidential hopeful Sam Brownback, is back in the news. The Kansas school board has issued its fifth scientific standard in the last eight years. This time, thanks to a bunch of Godless atheists, the board is accepting the "theory" of evolution as "well supported by research". Well, thank you Kansas.
The board has yet to amend the current scientific teaching that the earth is flat and that the sun revolves around it. In a vote of 6 to 4 last year the Kansas board was able to put to rest the moon/green cheese controversy.
Would anyone be surprised to learn that condemned criminals in Kansas have a choice in the method of their execution...stoning or burned at the stake?
____________________________________________________________________
Item
As a public service to isitjustme readers, we have begun the Rev. Ted Haggard "Mo" watch.
It has been one week since graduating from the three week de-gaying academy and Rev. Haggard is still 100% heterosexual. We're pulling for you, Ted!
____________________________________________________________________
Item
In a rare display of courage, President George W. Bush held a press conference last Wednesday. He was hopeful that the sheet of ice covering Washington, D.C. roads would hold the crowd down. No such luck.
The President fielded several questions regarding whether his administration was manufacturing evidence that Iran was providing weapons to Iraqi insurgents. Manufacturing evidence? Mon Dieu! Why would anyone think that the Bush administration would sink to attempting to hoodwink the American people? Maybe because it worked so well the last time.
The fact that a reporter would even suggest such a thing says volumes about the level of trust that the people have in this administration. The Bush White House has less legitimacy than Anna Nichole's baby.
____________________________________________________________________
Item
In a head-shaking move this week, the Unites States Mint has released yet another one dollar coin, this one with a likeness of George Washington. Clearly the last 87 attempts at creating a coin to augment the paper currency were colossal failures simply because of the unfortunate choice of icons. Now that George Washington will adorn both the paper and coin version of the dollar, all confusion will immediately cease and people will stop using the coins for quarters and then getting pissed-off.
Note to the Mint; this is a bad idea. It was a bad idea when you used the likeness of Susan B. Anthony, Sacajawea and anyone else. This is the "metric system" of coinage. You could imprint a series of images called "Famous Breasts of the Movie Industry" and people still won't use them (although they might fondle them a bit).
If you want the American Euro, you will have to take the paper dollars out of circulation. You will also need to design a way that the coins can be folded lengthwise for gentleman's clubs.
____________________________________________________________________
Item
Jessica Hall of Jacksonville, N.C. was convicted of maliciously throwing a McDonald's drink cup full of ice through the window of another car in a road rage incident. Ms. Hall has been sentenced to two years in prison. It seems that hurling a "missile" into another car is a felony in Virginia and two years is the minimum sentence.
Ms. Hall is the mother of three and, although what she did was dangerous and could have resulted in a serious accident, two years in prison is obscene. People routinely get probation for far more serious infractions. The other driver said that, if he had known of the severity of the sentence, he would never have filed the complaint. She has already been in custody for a month and that's enough.
This reactionary attitude is common in Virginia. At a time when many states (including neighboring Maryland) are contemplating abolishing the death penalty, Virginia is busily dreaming-up ways to lethally inject additional felons. Although Virginia is still #1 in overall executions, recent momentum has been swinging toward Texas.
Perhaps the Commonwealth could bump-up its numbers by offering to execute criminals from other states. A simple alteration in the state's motto should do the trick. "Virginia is for Execution-Lovers".
____________________________________________________________________
Item
You can't make this stuff up.
Last November, Brig. Gen. Patrick Finnegan flew to Hollywood with three top military and FBI interrogation experts. Their mission was to meet with the producers of the hit TV show "24" and attempt to persuade them to cut back on the scenes (and there are many) of hero Jack Bauer torturing terrorist suspects. It seems that the show is setting a bad example for West Point cadets who are wondering why Jack Bauer can crack the occasional head and they can't.
So let's see if I get this. The best and brightest officers-to-be in our armed forces are having trouble separating fantasy from reality? And, this problem is so serious that a brigadier general needs to fly to LA to address the issue? Beam me up Scotty. There is no intelligent life on this planet. Hopefully the Middies at Annapolis aren't watching McHale's Navy.
One suspects that the writers of the Simpsons will be receiving a stern letter from the EPA regarding the way Homer handles nuclear fuel and the effect that it's having on power plant employees.
Earth to West Point...it's a TV show. It's not real. Fictional characters can do anything. Get a life!
Please tune your televisions to "Survivor". Good, now vote yourself off.
Item
The State of Kansas, glorious home of presidential hopeful Sam Brownback, is back in the news. The Kansas school board has issued its fifth scientific standard in the last eight years. This time, thanks to a bunch of Godless atheists, the board is accepting the "theory" of evolution as "well supported by research". Well, thank you Kansas.
The board has yet to amend the current scientific teaching that the earth is flat and that the sun revolves around it. In a vote of 6 to 4 last year the Kansas board was able to put to rest the moon/green cheese controversy.
Would anyone be surprised to learn that condemned criminals in Kansas have a choice in the method of their execution...stoning or burned at the stake?
____________________________________________________________________
Item
As a public service to isitjustme readers, we have begun the Rev. Ted Haggard "Mo" watch.
It has been one week since graduating from the three week de-gaying academy and Rev. Haggard is still 100% heterosexual. We're pulling for you, Ted!
____________________________________________________________________
Item
In a rare display of courage, President George W. Bush held a press conference last Wednesday. He was hopeful that the sheet of ice covering Washington, D.C. roads would hold the crowd down. No such luck.
The President fielded several questions regarding whether his administration was manufacturing evidence that Iran was providing weapons to Iraqi insurgents. Manufacturing evidence? Mon Dieu! Why would anyone think that the Bush administration would sink to attempting to hoodwink the American people? Maybe because it worked so well the last time.
The fact that a reporter would even suggest such a thing says volumes about the level of trust that the people have in this administration. The Bush White House has less legitimacy than Anna Nichole's baby.
____________________________________________________________________
Item
In a head-shaking move this week, the Unites States Mint has released yet another one dollar coin, this one with a likeness of George Washington. Clearly the last 87 attempts at creating a coin to augment the paper currency were colossal failures simply because of the unfortunate choice of icons. Now that George Washington will adorn both the paper and coin version of the dollar, all confusion will immediately cease and people will stop using the coins for quarters and then getting pissed-off.
Note to the Mint; this is a bad idea. It was a bad idea when you used the likeness of Susan B. Anthony, Sacajawea and anyone else. This is the "metric system" of coinage. You could imprint a series of images called "Famous Breasts of the Movie Industry" and people still won't use them (although they might fondle them a bit).
If you want the American Euro, you will have to take the paper dollars out of circulation. You will also need to design a way that the coins can be folded lengthwise for gentleman's clubs.
____________________________________________________________________
Item
Jessica Hall of Jacksonville, N.C. was convicted of maliciously throwing a McDonald's drink cup full of ice through the window of another car in a road rage incident. Ms. Hall has been sentenced to two years in prison. It seems that hurling a "missile" into another car is a felony in Virginia and two years is the minimum sentence.
Ms. Hall is the mother of three and, although what she did was dangerous and could have resulted in a serious accident, two years in prison is obscene. People routinely get probation for far more serious infractions. The other driver said that, if he had known of the severity of the sentence, he would never have filed the complaint. She has already been in custody for a month and that's enough.
This reactionary attitude is common in Virginia. At a time when many states (including neighboring Maryland) are contemplating abolishing the death penalty, Virginia is busily dreaming-up ways to lethally inject additional felons. Although Virginia is still #1 in overall executions, recent momentum has been swinging toward Texas.
Perhaps the Commonwealth could bump-up its numbers by offering to execute criminals from other states. A simple alteration in the state's motto should do the trick. "Virginia is for Execution-Lovers".
____________________________________________________________________
Item
You can't make this stuff up.
Last November, Brig. Gen. Patrick Finnegan flew to Hollywood with three top military and FBI interrogation experts. Their mission was to meet with the producers of the hit TV show "24" and attempt to persuade them to cut back on the scenes (and there are many) of hero Jack Bauer torturing terrorist suspects. It seems that the show is setting a bad example for West Point cadets who are wondering why Jack Bauer can crack the occasional head and they can't.
So let's see if I get this. The best and brightest officers-to-be in our armed forces are having trouble separating fantasy from reality? And, this problem is so serious that a brigadier general needs to fly to LA to address the issue? Beam me up Scotty. There is no intelligent life on this planet. Hopefully the Middies at Annapolis aren't watching McHale's Navy.
One suspects that the writers of the Simpsons will be receiving a stern letter from the EPA regarding the way Homer handles nuclear fuel and the effect that it's having on power plant employees.
Earth to West Point...it's a TV show. It's not real. Fictional characters can do anything. Get a life!
Please tune your televisions to "Survivor". Good, now vote yourself off.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
...were we all delighted to hear from John Howard of Australia?
Seriously, how many of you knew who the Prime Minister of Australia was before this week? How many of you knew that Australia had a prime minister? How many of you thought that Australia was run by: (a) Crocodile Dundee, (b) the CEO of Fosters Brewing, (c) a koala bear.
Well it turns out that, not only is John Howard the Prime Minister of Australia, but he has taken an interest in the upcoming election for President of the United States.
Standing close by a billabong, that jolly swagman Mr. Howard postulated that al-Qaeda members should be praying for the success of Presidential candidate Barak Obama. His logic is that Obama's desire to withdraw US forces from Iraq is exactly in line with the wishes of Osama and his cohorts. Well thank you Mr. Howard. Your opinion has been heard and noted. May we now hear from the honorable delegate from Burkina Faso or Tonga.
Australia, it should be noted, is not a bystander in the war on terror. They have committed a startling 1,400 troops to the conflict in Iraq. (America has 140,000). Thus far the Aussies have suffered 2 casualties; that's one less than Latvia, the same as Thailand and Estonia. The Australians loose more men than that in a three-man scrum. Considering the frequency with which roads explode in Iraq, one suspects that most of the Australian force is spending the war in a hotel in Basra watching reruns of Quigley Down Under.
Mr. Howard probably feels that his country has little to fear from the terrorist hoard. Aside from a few lovely cities on the east coast most of Australia looks like Afghanistan without the nice view. Al-Qaeda could blow stuff up for months and on one would even notice. For all anyone knows, bin Ladin could have built a Sandals resort in the Outback.
So again, thank you Prime Minister Howard for you insightful comment. You are now free to return to your primary duty, explaining the rules in Australian-rules rugby.
Well it turns out that, not only is John Howard the Prime Minister of Australia, but he has taken an interest in the upcoming election for President of the United States.
Standing close by a billabong, that jolly swagman Mr. Howard postulated that al-Qaeda members should be praying for the success of Presidential candidate Barak Obama. His logic is that Obama's desire to withdraw US forces from Iraq is exactly in line with the wishes of Osama and his cohorts. Well thank you Mr. Howard. Your opinion has been heard and noted. May we now hear from the honorable delegate from Burkina Faso or Tonga.
Australia, it should be noted, is not a bystander in the war on terror. They have committed a startling 1,400 troops to the conflict in Iraq. (America has 140,000). Thus far the Aussies have suffered 2 casualties; that's one less than Latvia, the same as Thailand and Estonia. The Australians loose more men than that in a three-man scrum. Considering the frequency with which roads explode in Iraq, one suspects that most of the Australian force is spending the war in a hotel in Basra watching reruns of Quigley Down Under.
Mr. Howard probably feels that his country has little to fear from the terrorist hoard. Aside from a few lovely cities on the east coast most of Australia looks like Afghanistan without the nice view. Al-Qaeda could blow stuff up for months and on one would even notice. For all anyone knows, bin Ladin could have built a Sandals resort in the Outback.
So again, thank you Prime Minister Howard for you insightful comment. You are now free to return to your primary duty, explaining the rules in Australian-rules rugby.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
...or have the buzzards begun to circle in earnest?
America's worst fear is being realized. Thanks to Don Rumsfeld, Dick Cheney and, of course, our commander-in-chief George W. Bush, our country is showing itself to be the paper tiger that much of the world always suspected we might be. The administration can't even rattle its sword because cardboard swords don't make much of a noise. Face it. Wars happen when weakness is perceived. No one is afraid of us anymore.
We arrogantly and stupidly marched into Iraq with too little planning and too few troops. Both the generals on the ground and the experienced hands in Congress knew that a much larger force would be needed to maintain the peace in Iraq. Moreover, pacifying a country with two waring factions is almost impossible without the cooperation of the parties involved. Just ask the Brits in Northern Ireland.
Well here we are, stuck in a civil war of our own making. And, as if the situation couldn't get any worse, the jackals are beginning to gather. Initially it was only the cartoon types: Hugo Chevez, Kim Jong Il, Evo Morales. South American "populists" are discovering that you can get elected president of your country by kicking sand on Uncle Sam. What can America do? They're tied up in the Middle East.
Unfortunately, those voices are now being joined by leaders that, on some level, were supposed to be partners. In a speech to an international security conference, our "friend" Vladimir Putin accused America of everything but shooting the Czar. Not that anyone really thought of the Russians as allies or even friends. World War II and its aftermath weren't that long ago. We did, however, imagine that the interests of America and Russia ran along a similar path. Both countries understand that commerce is the name of the game. Nothing is gained by an expensive military build-up.
However, Mr. Putin also understands that nothing gets the attention of the Russian people like a warning of an American escalation of the arms race. Russians were fed a steady stream of propaganda (as were Americans) for 40 years about a possible East-West conflict. George Bush's attack on Iraq just reinforces Russian paranoia. Much in the same way that Americans allowed the Republicans to rewrite the Constitution after 9/11, Russians will permit further totalitarian inclinations from their "democratic" leaders if the plan comes wrapped in a threat from those war-mongering Americans.
Expect to hear more of this rhetoric from the Kremlin as well as South America and especially from our "friends" in the Middle East. After all, what are we going to do, withhold their iPod shipment?
We arrogantly and stupidly marched into Iraq with too little planning and too few troops. Both the generals on the ground and the experienced hands in Congress knew that a much larger force would be needed to maintain the peace in Iraq. Moreover, pacifying a country with two waring factions is almost impossible without the cooperation of the parties involved. Just ask the Brits in Northern Ireland.
Well here we are, stuck in a civil war of our own making. And, as if the situation couldn't get any worse, the jackals are beginning to gather. Initially it was only the cartoon types: Hugo Chevez, Kim Jong Il, Evo Morales. South American "populists" are discovering that you can get elected president of your country by kicking sand on Uncle Sam. What can America do? They're tied up in the Middle East.
Unfortunately, those voices are now being joined by leaders that, on some level, were supposed to be partners. In a speech to an international security conference, our "friend" Vladimir Putin accused America of everything but shooting the Czar. Not that anyone really thought of the Russians as allies or even friends. World War II and its aftermath weren't that long ago. We did, however, imagine that the interests of America and Russia ran along a similar path. Both countries understand that commerce is the name of the game. Nothing is gained by an expensive military build-up.
However, Mr. Putin also understands that nothing gets the attention of the Russian people like a warning of an American escalation of the arms race. Russians were fed a steady stream of propaganda (as were Americans) for 40 years about a possible East-West conflict. George Bush's attack on Iraq just reinforces Russian paranoia. Much in the same way that Americans allowed the Republicans to rewrite the Constitution after 9/11, Russians will permit further totalitarian inclinations from their "democratic" leaders if the plan comes wrapped in a threat from those war-mongering Americans.
Expect to hear more of this rhetoric from the Kremlin as well as South America and especially from our "friends" in the Middle East. After all, what are we going to do, withhold their iPod shipment?
Saturday, February 03, 2007
...do we continue to miss the best news stories?
More news you can't use:
Item
A college student in Tampa, Florida was jailed for two days after reporting that she was raped. It seems that the local cops found an old warrant which was filed when the woman, then a teenager, failed to pay restitution for a theft. Ignoring her rape complaint, the police tossed her in jail.
While incarcerated, an employee of the jail refused to give the student the second dose of her morning-after contraceptive, siting religious convictions. It's rare when a person can become the victim of a rapist, a boneheaded police dept. and a over zealous Christian jailer all at once. Where's Johnnie Cochran when you really need him?
_____________________________________________________________________
Item
Prime Minister Tony Blair received another visit from the metropolitan police regarding the accusation that his administration sold knighthoods in return for campaign contributions. When the story broke, Donald Trump fired three aids for failing to inform him that he could have bought a peerage. Trump railed at his staff, "I could been a knight. Everybody would have had to called me Sir Donald or Lord Trump. I could have put my name all over everything. No wait! I do that now." Having been unable to buy his way to legitimacy, Trump is relegated to being called what he has always been called, America's most self-important asshole.
____________________________________________________________________
Item
In a last desperate attempt to keep his administration from being compared favorably to that of Warren G. Harding, George W. Bush has allocated $130 million in the 2008 budget to alleviate traffic congestion. We may have suffered 25,000 killed or wounded in Iraq but those lucky enough to make it back will find traffic moving much better.
The Bush team is hard at work on the 2009 budget which will include: stiff penalties for supermarket managers who don't open additional registers when lines are long, fines for people who use the gym equipment for more than 30 minutes, financial rewards for good little children who eat their vegetables and a plan to save all of God's furry little creatures from whatever.
____________________________________________________________________
Item
Has anyone noticed that President Bush no longer refers to American military involvement in Iraq as "The Coalition of the Willing" or "America and its Allies". Even the President has been forced to abandon the fig leaf that this is anything more than America's Invasion and America's War. The facts bear him out. U.S. dead now totals 3,099. That compares with: 133 Brits, 33 Italians, 18 Poles, etc. to a total of 254.
Most of America's "allies" in the conflict haven't committed enough manpower to fill a jeep. Fortunately, the President hasn't asked any other country to contribute troops to the "surge". He would look pretty silly congratulating Estonia or Moldavia for their committment.
____________________________________________________________________
Item
"We have met the enemy and he is us." Pogo.
If anyone in the Middle East is looking for Jamal Jafaar Mohammad, convicted murderer in the bombing of the US and French embassies in Kuwait in 1983, look no further. Jamal is sitting right next to Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki in the American-backed government of Iraq where he was elected to the Council of Representatives in 2005. Pretty clever, eh? Mr. Mohammad's parliamentary immunity prevents him from being returned to Kuwait where he is under a sentence of death since 1984. He decided not to stick around for the trial. Democracy can be sooooo messy.
Perhaps we could persuade Mr. Mohammad to run for office in the United States where no such immunity exists.
American intelligence officials are now combing the class picture of the current ruling body in Iraq to see if perhaps Osama is "hiding" there as Secretary of Health and Human Services. You just never know.
____________________________________________________________________
Item
Astronaut Lisa Marie Nowak was arraigned on charges including attempted murder, attempted kidnapping, destruction of evidence and battery. It seems that Ms. Nowak drove all the way from Houston to Orlando to attack fellow NASA employee Captain Coleen Shipman in a dispute over the affections of shuttle Captain Bill Oefelein. You can't make this stuff up.
Ms. Nowak confronted Ms. Shipman in the parking garage of the Orlando Airport and maced her while Ms. Shipman sat in her car. I guess Captain Bill has the Right Stuff. (Wink, wink).
In case you were wondering what shuttle astronauts were doing during those long days and nights in space, they were joining the eight-mile-high club. "Hey Lisa, want to do it weightless?"
Considering the complete lack of interest expressed by the public regarding the space program maybe this is a good thing. At least NASA is on the front page of the papers again and without those unfortunate incendiary videos.
____________________________________________________________________
Item
Rev. Ted Haggard is cured.
The Rev. Tim Ralph (that's his real name) of Larkspur, Colo. has told the Denver Post that, after three weeks of intense counseling, Ted Haggard is no longer homosexual. You may remember Rev. Ted as the former leader of the National Association of Evangelicals. He was outed around Christmas by a male prostitute who mentioned the Rev's proclivity for champagne and methamphetamine, oh, and young boys.
Exactly how Rev. Ralph was able to ascertain that Ted was free of the homosexual devil is difficult to say. Perhaps he diddled a nurse before leaving the treatment center and requested directions to the Gold Club. In any event, it's certainly encouraging to know that this degenerate will henceforth only be directing his perverse nature toward women.
Glory hallelujah!
____________________________________________________________________
Item
In the Northern Italian city of Mantova, archeologists have discovered two skeletons locked in an eternal embrace. (Hopefully they are not of the same sex.)
Experts believe that the couple, buried more than 5,000 years ago, were able to stay together this long due to the fact that neither one could speak.
Item
A college student in Tampa, Florida was jailed for two days after reporting that she was raped. It seems that the local cops found an old warrant which was filed when the woman, then a teenager, failed to pay restitution for a theft. Ignoring her rape complaint, the police tossed her in jail.
While incarcerated, an employee of the jail refused to give the student the second dose of her morning-after contraceptive, siting religious convictions. It's rare when a person can become the victim of a rapist, a boneheaded police dept. and a over zealous Christian jailer all at once. Where's Johnnie Cochran when you really need him?
_____________________________________________________________________
Item
Prime Minister Tony Blair received another visit from the metropolitan police regarding the accusation that his administration sold knighthoods in return for campaign contributions. When the story broke, Donald Trump fired three aids for failing to inform him that he could have bought a peerage. Trump railed at his staff, "I could been a knight. Everybody would have had to called me Sir Donald or Lord Trump. I could have put my name all over everything. No wait! I do that now." Having been unable to buy his way to legitimacy, Trump is relegated to being called what he has always been called, America's most self-important asshole.
____________________________________________________________________
Item
In a last desperate attempt to keep his administration from being compared favorably to that of Warren G. Harding, George W. Bush has allocated $130 million in the 2008 budget to alleviate traffic congestion. We may have suffered 25,000 killed or wounded in Iraq but those lucky enough to make it back will find traffic moving much better.
The Bush team is hard at work on the 2009 budget which will include: stiff penalties for supermarket managers who don't open additional registers when lines are long, fines for people who use the gym equipment for more than 30 minutes, financial rewards for good little children who eat their vegetables and a plan to save all of God's furry little creatures from whatever.
____________________________________________________________________
Item
Has anyone noticed that President Bush no longer refers to American military involvement in Iraq as "The Coalition of the Willing" or "America and its Allies". Even the President has been forced to abandon the fig leaf that this is anything more than America's Invasion and America's War. The facts bear him out. U.S. dead now totals 3,099. That compares with: 133 Brits, 33 Italians, 18 Poles, etc. to a total of 254.
Most of America's "allies" in the conflict haven't committed enough manpower to fill a jeep. Fortunately, the President hasn't asked any other country to contribute troops to the "surge". He would look pretty silly congratulating Estonia or Moldavia for their committment.
____________________________________________________________________
Item
"We have met the enemy and he is us." Pogo.
If anyone in the Middle East is looking for Jamal Jafaar Mohammad, convicted murderer in the bombing of the US and French embassies in Kuwait in 1983, look no further. Jamal is sitting right next to Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki in the American-backed government of Iraq where he was elected to the Council of Representatives in 2005. Pretty clever, eh? Mr. Mohammad's parliamentary immunity prevents him from being returned to Kuwait where he is under a sentence of death since 1984. He decided not to stick around for the trial. Democracy can be sooooo messy.
Perhaps we could persuade Mr. Mohammad to run for office in the United States where no such immunity exists.
American intelligence officials are now combing the class picture of the current ruling body in Iraq to see if perhaps Osama is "hiding" there as Secretary of Health and Human Services. You just never know.
____________________________________________________________________
Item
Astronaut Lisa Marie Nowak was arraigned on charges including attempted murder, attempted kidnapping, destruction of evidence and battery. It seems that Ms. Nowak drove all the way from Houston to Orlando to attack fellow NASA employee Captain Coleen Shipman in a dispute over the affections of shuttle Captain Bill Oefelein. You can't make this stuff up.
Ms. Nowak confronted Ms. Shipman in the parking garage of the Orlando Airport and maced her while Ms. Shipman sat in her car. I guess Captain Bill has the Right Stuff. (Wink, wink).
In case you were wondering what shuttle astronauts were doing during those long days and nights in space, they were joining the eight-mile-high club. "Hey Lisa, want to do it weightless?"
Considering the complete lack of interest expressed by the public regarding the space program maybe this is a good thing. At least NASA is on the front page of the papers again and without those unfortunate incendiary videos.
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Item
Rev. Ted Haggard is cured.
The Rev. Tim Ralph (that's his real name) of Larkspur, Colo. has told the Denver Post that, after three weeks of intense counseling, Ted Haggard is no longer homosexual. You may remember Rev. Ted as the former leader of the National Association of Evangelicals. He was outed around Christmas by a male prostitute who mentioned the Rev's proclivity for champagne and methamphetamine, oh, and young boys.
Exactly how Rev. Ralph was able to ascertain that Ted was free of the homosexual devil is difficult to say. Perhaps he diddled a nurse before leaving the treatment center and requested directions to the Gold Club. In any event, it's certainly encouraging to know that this degenerate will henceforth only be directing his perverse nature toward women.
Glory hallelujah!
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Item
In the Northern Italian city of Mantova, archeologists have discovered two skeletons locked in an eternal embrace. (Hopefully they are not of the same sex.)
Experts believe that the couple, buried more than 5,000 years ago, were able to stay together this long due to the fact that neither one could speak.
Friday, February 02, 2007
...would fat kids be slimmer if parents let them play outside?
President George W. Bush met yesterday with senior executives from several companies in the food industry to wring his hands over our tubby kiddies. The group included representatives from McDonald's, Kraft and Pepsico. They were there (one suspects not voluntarily) so that the President could express his somber concern that American children are beginning to resemble a school of Beluga whales. Anyone who has seen the average fifth grade class in middle America knows what the problem is.
These useless, pro-forma photo-ops are staged almost weekly at the White House regardless of who is in office. The President vows to "do something" about the growing problem du jour. Handshakes are exchanged all around and everyone goes back to business as usual. In this case McDonald's returns to the production of Happy Meals, now available with a side of lard; Kraft reverts to making Mac & Cheese, in containers so convenient that you can cook them during commercials of Sponge Bob Square Pants, and Pepsi continues to create soft drinks with enough sugar to insure the prosperity of the Cuban economy for years to come.
Nevertheless, this is America not France. Mr. Bush assured his corporate guests that the administration would do nothing "aggressive" to ameliorate the problem. Translation: Big Brother will not attempt to reduce the caloric or fat content of Big Macs or Pepsi. Government will not step in and require that packages of Mac & Cheese carry a skull and crossbones warning. The President will invoke the "Katrina Doctrine". He will do nothing. There was, however a suggestion that Mr. Bush fly over a middle school in Topeka, KS. That plan was abandoned as "too invasive".
The tragic part of this problem is that everyone knows what the trouble is and what the solution is. Forget enlisting the food police. We don't need to count the number of french fries in a serving at Burger King or install child safety locks on the fridge. For once in his Presidency, George Bush is right (who would have guessed?). Legislation and regulation are not the answer. American parents need to do what American parents will never do; let the kids go out to play.
Children are fat because they're prisoners in their own homes. In generations past, children came home from school, grabbed a snack, and headed for the park, school yard or just the street. They were unseen by adults until they were called home for dinner. In the summer, they were off again after supper only to return ten seconds before dark. On Saturdays, kids were unseen all day. It was pretty hard to gain weight when you were burning calories for hours on the ball field or the basketball court.
Today's suburban lifestyle is coupled with an almost pathological dread of the social surroundings. This has forced parents to limit the activity of their kids to drive-up, controlled, organized events. Being chauffeured to and from the little league field may look like parental participation but it's really just an armed escort.
The ironic part of this is that many families moved from urban centers and changing neighborhoods primarily to escape the dangers that existed in their former environment. Even after relocating to "safer neighborhoods" parents are reluctant to let kids "go out and play". If you keep your children confined in the house to protect them from predators, real or imagined, they will begin to resemble Fat Albert even if you feed them kelp and mineral water.
We need to dispel the notion that the streets were safer in years past. Television shows like Criminal Minds as well as 24-7 news programs instill an unjustified fear in parents. A child molestation in Colorado is splashed across America as if it were the latest example of an nationwide epidemic rather than an isolated incident. No one wants to let their kids play without adult supervision. Your daughter may study ballet and your boy might play soccer and swim but, aside from those controlled activities, they are locked away from imagined abductors.
Newsflash: Predators existed in the glorious 1950's. Children were taken off the street and never heard from again. Cars maimed kids at play. Danger has always been with us but, in years past, American parents were not willing to let fear rule their lives and the lives of their children.
Maybe the Depression and WWII gave the parents of the 50's and 60's prospective on the relative dangers of the outside world. As kids, we were warned about talking to strangers but we were never placed in fear of our lives.
Fast food proliferation may be a relatively recent phenomenon but bad eating habits are as old as lying about why you were late for dinner. Kids have always preferred to eat the hamburger and feed the broccoli to the dog. The only difference with today's young people is that, instead of Mom shutting the TV off and sending you out to play, she now turns on the set so you won't be tempted to leave. If this keeps up, every child in America will be getting a seat belt extender for their sweet sixteen present.
So, keep up the good work Mr. President. You're on the right track. Doing nothing becomes you.
Until the youth of America is released from their 50 inch, flat screen prison we will continue to foster a generation of super-sized children. Good luck if you get a middle seat.
These useless, pro-forma photo-ops are staged almost weekly at the White House regardless of who is in office. The President vows to "do something" about the growing problem du jour. Handshakes are exchanged all around and everyone goes back to business as usual. In this case McDonald's returns to the production of Happy Meals, now available with a side of lard; Kraft reverts to making Mac & Cheese, in containers so convenient that you can cook them during commercials of Sponge Bob Square Pants, and Pepsi continues to create soft drinks with enough sugar to insure the prosperity of the Cuban economy for years to come.
Nevertheless, this is America not France. Mr. Bush assured his corporate guests that the administration would do nothing "aggressive" to ameliorate the problem. Translation: Big Brother will not attempt to reduce the caloric or fat content of Big Macs or Pepsi. Government will not step in and require that packages of Mac & Cheese carry a skull and crossbones warning. The President will invoke the "Katrina Doctrine". He will do nothing. There was, however a suggestion that Mr. Bush fly over a middle school in Topeka, KS. That plan was abandoned as "too invasive".
The tragic part of this problem is that everyone knows what the trouble is and what the solution is. Forget enlisting the food police. We don't need to count the number of french fries in a serving at Burger King or install child safety locks on the fridge. For once in his Presidency, George Bush is right (who would have guessed?). Legislation and regulation are not the answer. American parents need to do what American parents will never do; let the kids go out to play.
Children are fat because they're prisoners in their own homes. In generations past, children came home from school, grabbed a snack, and headed for the park, school yard or just the street. They were unseen by adults until they were called home for dinner. In the summer, they were off again after supper only to return ten seconds before dark. On Saturdays, kids were unseen all day. It was pretty hard to gain weight when you were burning calories for hours on the ball field or the basketball court.
Today's suburban lifestyle is coupled with an almost pathological dread of the social surroundings. This has forced parents to limit the activity of their kids to drive-up, controlled, organized events. Being chauffeured to and from the little league field may look like parental participation but it's really just an armed escort.
The ironic part of this is that many families moved from urban centers and changing neighborhoods primarily to escape the dangers that existed in their former environment. Even after relocating to "safer neighborhoods" parents are reluctant to let kids "go out and play". If you keep your children confined in the house to protect them from predators, real or imagined, they will begin to resemble Fat Albert even if you feed them kelp and mineral water.
We need to dispel the notion that the streets were safer in years past. Television shows like Criminal Minds as well as 24-7 news programs instill an unjustified fear in parents. A child molestation in Colorado is splashed across America as if it were the latest example of an nationwide epidemic rather than an isolated incident. No one wants to let their kids play without adult supervision. Your daughter may study ballet and your boy might play soccer and swim but, aside from those controlled activities, they are locked away from imagined abductors.
Newsflash: Predators existed in the glorious 1950's. Children were taken off the street and never heard from again. Cars maimed kids at play. Danger has always been with us but, in years past, American parents were not willing to let fear rule their lives and the lives of their children.
Maybe the Depression and WWII gave the parents of the 50's and 60's prospective on the relative dangers of the outside world. As kids, we were warned about talking to strangers but we were never placed in fear of our lives.
Fast food proliferation may be a relatively recent phenomenon but bad eating habits are as old as lying about why you were late for dinner. Kids have always preferred to eat the hamburger and feed the broccoli to the dog. The only difference with today's young people is that, instead of Mom shutting the TV off and sending you out to play, she now turns on the set so you won't be tempted to leave. If this keeps up, every child in America will be getting a seat belt extender for their sweet sixteen present.
So, keep up the good work Mr. President. You're on the right track. Doing nothing becomes you.
Until the youth of America is released from their 50 inch, flat screen prison we will continue to foster a generation of super-sized children. Good luck if you get a middle seat.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
did you miss some of these hot items?
More news you can't use:
Item
The United States has allocated millions of dollars in additional funds to improve the road system in Afghanistan.
This announcement has come as welcome news to several factions in this is beleaguered country. A spokesman for Mullah Omar, leader of the Taliban stated, "It's about time. Americans have no idea how difficult it has been to move men and munitions over the goat trails and cart paths of the Kabul suburbs." With the promise of new roads there is every reason to believe that the Taliban will be ready to reestablish control of Afghanistan once America withdraws its forces.
A spokesperson for the US Air Force was quoted as expressing relief that American fighter planes will now have some new targets to attack. "Shooting at rubble is boring" said one pilot. "At least a road presents a viable objective."
The Army Corp of Engineers has assured the citizens of the region that the roads will be completed in plenty of time to transport the opium crop to market in 2009.
____________________________________________________________________
Item
A contest is being held to name the new seven wonders of the world.
An organization called the "New 7 Wonders of the World" is inviting people from around the globe to vote on which "wonders" should make the list. The head of the Egyptian Supreme Council of Antiquities is appalled that the Pyramids of Giza should have to stand for a vote in order to make the grade. There are 21 "wonders" on the ballot including the Statue of Liberty and the Eiffel Tower. Those of you expecting to vote for Dolly Parton's breasts will be sorely disappointed. Contest officials decided to eliminate Ms. Parton's gravity-defying attributes over a dispute as to whether to consider them one wonder or two.
____________________________________________________________________
Item
Prince Charles of England and his wife the Duchess of Cornwall are on a whirlwind tour of the Northeastern United States which includes a trip to New York. Seeing the royal couple emerge from the Arch Street Presbyterian Church in Philadelphia, it's easy to see why Charles preferred Camilla to Diana. Beauty will out. If there is any doubt as to why Queen Elizabeth isn't willing to let her son become king, I suspect that she is wary of other choices he might make.
Seeing Americans standing out in the cold waiting for an opportunity to glimpse the royal couple causes one to wonder why anyone would stand out in the cold waiting for an opportunity to glimpse the royal couple. Get a life, please.
____________________________________________________________________
Item
The federal government has only provided $145 million for the recovery of New Orleans.
As the cost of the War in Iraq approaches $400 billion, Mayor Ray Nagin appeared before Congress to complain that, thus far, the government has only authorized $110 billion in aid for New Orleans and, of that, only a fraction of the cash has materialized. Keep in mind that the government sent $118 million immediately to rebuild the Superdome. Well, all those white, season-ticket holders needed someplace to drink on Sundays didn't they?
I suggest that Mayor Nagin threaten the government with the possibility that New Orleans is harboring WMD's or nuclear weapons. The city will certainly see more troops than they ever did when the storm hit. Mayor Nagin may be deposed and executed but at least Halliburton would be sent in to spend (or squander) the billions needed for reconstruction.
_____________________________________________________________________
Item
Two fraternity brothers in Florida were found guilty of paddling a pledge during a hazing ritual and sentenced to two years in prison. The students were tried twice before a guilty verdict was returned. Injuries aside, is there really so little crime to pursue in Florida that the DA in Tallahassee can afford two trials for one beating? Oh, by the way, three other frat brothers (who are all brothers) will be tried a third time in March. Paging Mike Nifong.
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Item
President George W. Bush asserts that the missing "-ic" in his State of the Union speech was nothing more than an oversight. Early in the address the President congratulated the "Democrat Majority" for its November electoral victory. Some saw this as a slight to the Democrats.
While he was correcting omissions, Mr. Bush said that, regarding the war in Iraq, he inadvertently left the "un" off of the word "winnable" and the "ill" off of "conceived".
____________________________________________________________________
Item
The French have banned smoking in all public buildings, hospitals and schools as part of a two-stage program that will include restaurants and cafes by 2008. Wow! If you thought the French were cranky and hard to deal with before, can you imagine what they will be like now. A word to Germany...I wouldn't try another invasion for a while.
Item
The United States has allocated millions of dollars in additional funds to improve the road system in Afghanistan.
This announcement has come as welcome news to several factions in this is beleaguered country. A spokesman for Mullah Omar, leader of the Taliban stated, "It's about time. Americans have no idea how difficult it has been to move men and munitions over the goat trails and cart paths of the Kabul suburbs." With the promise of new roads there is every reason to believe that the Taliban will be ready to reestablish control of Afghanistan once America withdraws its forces.
A spokesperson for the US Air Force was quoted as expressing relief that American fighter planes will now have some new targets to attack. "Shooting at rubble is boring" said one pilot. "At least a road presents a viable objective."
The Army Corp of Engineers has assured the citizens of the region that the roads will be completed in plenty of time to transport the opium crop to market in 2009.
____________________________________________________________________
Item
A contest is being held to name the new seven wonders of the world.
An organization called the "New 7 Wonders of the World" is inviting people from around the globe to vote on which "wonders" should make the list. The head of the Egyptian Supreme Council of Antiquities is appalled that the Pyramids of Giza should have to stand for a vote in order to make the grade. There are 21 "wonders" on the ballot including the Statue of Liberty and the Eiffel Tower. Those of you expecting to vote for Dolly Parton's breasts will be sorely disappointed. Contest officials decided to eliminate Ms. Parton's gravity-defying attributes over a dispute as to whether to consider them one wonder or two.
____________________________________________________________________
Item
Prince Charles of England and his wife the Duchess of Cornwall are on a whirlwind tour of the Northeastern United States which includes a trip to New York. Seeing the royal couple emerge from the Arch Street Presbyterian Church in Philadelphia, it's easy to see why Charles preferred Camilla to Diana. Beauty will out. If there is any doubt as to why Queen Elizabeth isn't willing to let her son become king, I suspect that she is wary of other choices he might make.
Seeing Americans standing out in the cold waiting for an opportunity to glimpse the royal couple causes one to wonder why anyone would stand out in the cold waiting for an opportunity to glimpse the royal couple. Get a life, please.
____________________________________________________________________
Item
The federal government has only provided $145 million for the recovery of New Orleans.
As the cost of the War in Iraq approaches $400 billion, Mayor Ray Nagin appeared before Congress to complain that, thus far, the government has only authorized $110 billion in aid for New Orleans and, of that, only a fraction of the cash has materialized. Keep in mind that the government sent $118 million immediately to rebuild the Superdome. Well, all those white, season-ticket holders needed someplace to drink on Sundays didn't they?
I suggest that Mayor Nagin threaten the government with the possibility that New Orleans is harboring WMD's or nuclear weapons. The city will certainly see more troops than they ever did when the storm hit. Mayor Nagin may be deposed and executed but at least Halliburton would be sent in to spend (or squander) the billions needed for reconstruction.
_____________________________________________________________________
Item
Two fraternity brothers in Florida were found guilty of paddling a pledge during a hazing ritual and sentenced to two years in prison. The students were tried twice before a guilty verdict was returned. Injuries aside, is there really so little crime to pursue in Florida that the DA in Tallahassee can afford two trials for one beating? Oh, by the way, three other frat brothers (who are all brothers) will be tried a third time in March. Paging Mike Nifong.
____________________________________________________________________
Item
President George W. Bush asserts that the missing "-ic" in his State of the Union speech was nothing more than an oversight. Early in the address the President congratulated the "Democrat Majority" for its November electoral victory. Some saw this as a slight to the Democrats.
While he was correcting omissions, Mr. Bush said that, regarding the war in Iraq, he inadvertently left the "un" off of the word "winnable" and the "ill" off of "conceived".
____________________________________________________________________
Item
The French have banned smoking in all public buildings, hospitals and schools as part of a two-stage program that will include restaurants and cafes by 2008. Wow! If you thought the French were cranky and hard to deal with before, can you imagine what they will be like now. A word to Germany...I wouldn't try another invasion for a while.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
...or is sensitivity in the eye of the ticketholder?
Every once in a while a little controversy leaks into the otherwise predictable columns of our newspaper's sports pages. Amidst the box scores and the stories of drug arrests and spousal abuse, we are occasionally treated to a piece on the appropriateness of school mascots. For as long as I can remember there has been a debate over high school and college nicknames. One group or another is offended by the depiction of their race or ethnic tribe, (already I'm in trouble), as the symbol of this or that school. Charges of racism are countered by appeals to tradition.
Some are easily adjudicated such as the high school in Pekin, Illnois which, because of the similarity to the Chinese capital, called themselves the Pekin Chinks. You can't make this stuff up! Although the more egregious sins in mascotry are easily identified and disposed of, some are a closer call. The only thing that appears clear is that when states, school boards, and governing bodies try to legislate a solution, chaos ensues. No problem was ever so bad that a little interference from government couldn't make it worse.
Most of America probably sees this as much ado about nothing. I, for one, think that the marketplace should deal with the problem. If Washington Redskins fans stopped buying tickets to Dan Snyder's football venue, the name of the team would get changed faster than George Bush's Iraq policy. Commerce usually affects swifter change than righteous indignation. "Redskins" seems a particularly troubling name especially in Washington. Many of the broken treaties signed by tribes from Illinios to Montana are still stored at the Department of the Interior. Besides, in Washington, political correctness is a religion. Would anyone tolerate the "Washington Wetbacks"?
Rather than take a position on this issue, (I have none), I will instead cite a few examples of how this issue is playing out around America:
North Dakota University
Known as the "Fighting Sioux". Back in 1995 the university president received a $120 million donation from Ralph Engelstad to build a new hockey arena. At the same time, several Native American students were successfully lobbying to remove the "offensive" school logo from the building. Mr. Engelstad, a proud alumnus,(but not a Native American), explained in the clearest possible terms: no Fighting Sioux, no money. Faced with a difficult choice the school's president thought long and hard over this moral dilemma. If you are wondering how the story ended, please visit the University of North Dakota's web site and see how the Fighting Sioux fared this week in their beautiful new hockey facility. Score one for "tradition".
University of Illinois
In a school where a recent Greek society party dubbed "Mexican taco and tequila nite" featured its guests dressed as pregnant women and gardeners, little can be expected in the way of cultural diversity and understanding. Nevertheless, opposition to Chief Illiniwek, the schools dancing Native American mascot, has been met with particular viciousness. Save-the-Chief web sites are littered with invectives toward Native Americans. Phrases like "casino-owning, drunks" are not uncommon. The recent request by the Oglala Sioux Nation to return the costume worn by the Chief at sporting events prompted one supporter to call them "Indian givers". Where will it end?
Florida State University
The Seminoles of Florida State have concocted a way around both the NCAA and those sensitive souls who feel harassed by the school's Indian-head mascot. FSU has actively sought buy-in from the Seminole Nation regarding how the school uses images of the tribe. All presentations of the Seminole name and likeness are approved by the tribe's council (and presumably by their lawyers). Predictably, there is some "buy" in the buy-in. The tribe isn't lending the use of its image for nothing. Nevertheless the NCAA seems satisfied and no one is flogging FSU to become the FSU Evergladers.
NCAA
America's favorite collegiate governing body has created a tangled, indecipherable collection of rules intended to mollify all parties in this dispute. Naturally, the effect is exactly the opposite. They have arm-twisted several schools like St. John's (formerly Redmen now Red Storm) and Marquette (formerly the Warriors now the Golden Eagles) into a mascot-ectomy. Of only minor note is the fact that St. John's Redmen were so named because the football team used to wear red jerseys. In other words no Native Americans were harmed in the creation of this logo. But why cloud the issue with facts. Regarding the Marquette Golden Eagles, the aviary community has yet to voice an opinion.
Notre Dame
The university has stated on many occasions that their logo is about Leprechauns, not about any nationality. One imagines that they actually say that with a straight face.
At the end of the day, it all comes down to whether I can decide if you are offended. Clearly, if a logo or nickname causes any group to feel ashamed, the name should be changed. Tradition be damned. We don't condone Confederate flags flying over state capitals any more. We've modernized Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben so that they don't look like house slaves. Schools and pro sports teams will survive change as well.
In the meantime will somebody do something about the banana-nose Indian logo used by the Cleveland Indians? Well, maybe I have an opinion after all.
Some are easily adjudicated such as the high school in Pekin, Illnois which, because of the similarity to the Chinese capital, called themselves the Pekin Chinks. You can't make this stuff up! Although the more egregious sins in mascotry are easily identified and disposed of, some are a closer call. The only thing that appears clear is that when states, school boards, and governing bodies try to legislate a solution, chaos ensues. No problem was ever so bad that a little interference from government couldn't make it worse.
Most of America probably sees this as much ado about nothing. I, for one, think that the marketplace should deal with the problem. If Washington Redskins fans stopped buying tickets to Dan Snyder's football venue, the name of the team would get changed faster than George Bush's Iraq policy. Commerce usually affects swifter change than righteous indignation. "Redskins" seems a particularly troubling name especially in Washington. Many of the broken treaties signed by tribes from Illinios to Montana are still stored at the Department of the Interior. Besides, in Washington, political correctness is a religion. Would anyone tolerate the "Washington Wetbacks"?
Rather than take a position on this issue, (I have none), I will instead cite a few examples of how this issue is playing out around America:
North Dakota University
Known as the "Fighting Sioux". Back in 1995 the university president received a $120 million donation from Ralph Engelstad to build a new hockey arena. At the same time, several Native American students were successfully lobbying to remove the "offensive" school logo from the building. Mr. Engelstad, a proud alumnus,(but not a Native American), explained in the clearest possible terms: no Fighting Sioux, no money. Faced with a difficult choice the school's president thought long and hard over this moral dilemma. If you are wondering how the story ended, please visit the University of North Dakota's web site and see how the Fighting Sioux fared this week in their beautiful new hockey facility. Score one for "tradition".
University of Illinois
In a school where a recent Greek society party dubbed "Mexican taco and tequila nite" featured its guests dressed as pregnant women and gardeners, little can be expected in the way of cultural diversity and understanding. Nevertheless, opposition to Chief Illiniwek, the schools dancing Native American mascot, has been met with particular viciousness. Save-the-Chief web sites are littered with invectives toward Native Americans. Phrases like "casino-owning, drunks" are not uncommon. The recent request by the Oglala Sioux Nation to return the costume worn by the Chief at sporting events prompted one supporter to call them "Indian givers". Where will it end?
Florida State University
The Seminoles of Florida State have concocted a way around both the NCAA and those sensitive souls who feel harassed by the school's Indian-head mascot. FSU has actively sought buy-in from the Seminole Nation regarding how the school uses images of the tribe. All presentations of the Seminole name and likeness are approved by the tribe's council (and presumably by their lawyers). Predictably, there is some "buy" in the buy-in. The tribe isn't lending the use of its image for nothing. Nevertheless the NCAA seems satisfied and no one is flogging FSU to become the FSU Evergladers.
NCAA
America's favorite collegiate governing body has created a tangled, indecipherable collection of rules intended to mollify all parties in this dispute. Naturally, the effect is exactly the opposite. They have arm-twisted several schools like St. John's (formerly Redmen now Red Storm) and Marquette (formerly the Warriors now the Golden Eagles) into a mascot-ectomy. Of only minor note is the fact that St. John's Redmen were so named because the football team used to wear red jerseys. In other words no Native Americans were harmed in the creation of this logo. But why cloud the issue with facts. Regarding the Marquette Golden Eagles, the aviary community has yet to voice an opinion.
Notre Dame
The university has stated on many occasions that their logo is about Leprechauns, not about any nationality. One imagines that they actually say that with a straight face.
At the end of the day, it all comes down to whether I can decide if you are offended. Clearly, if a logo or nickname causes any group to feel ashamed, the name should be changed. Tradition be damned. We don't condone Confederate flags flying over state capitals any more. We've modernized Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben so that they don't look like house slaves. Schools and pro sports teams will survive change as well.
In the meantime will somebody do something about the banana-nose Indian logo used by the Cleveland Indians? Well, maybe I have an opinion after all.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
...has the real architect of American Foreign Policy finally stood up?
During the ride back from a meeting of the crime families in New York, Vito Corleone tells Tom Hagen, "...but I didn't know until this day that it was Barzini all along." Well, based on the speeches and interviews of the last few days, it seems clear that it was Cheney all along.
This is not exactly the revelation of the age. Cheney is a much older hand than the President. It appears likely that the Republican plan all along was to elect someone, anyone, who would allow Cheney, Rumsfeld and the boys to dictate foreign policy. John McCain wasn't about to be steam-rolled by these guys which is why he was torpedoed in South Carolina in 2000. George W. was barely able to stand up to Al Gore and John Kerry. How do you imagine he fared at a meeting with his father's former advisers? He's lucky they didn't offer him a phonebook to sit on. Even Colin Powell says he thought of George as Skippy.
Well, it's now 2007. We have been at war for almost five years. 3,000+ Americans are dead and thousands more are coming home in one boot or with one sleeve pinned at the shoulder. The President has made two speeches in the last few weeks in which he virtually pleaded with the American people to give him just one more opportunity to fix Iraq. Congress is about to test the boundaries of the War Powers Clauses of the Constitution. Thank God Rumsfeld and Wolfowicz are out of the picture. Karl Rove has taken his magic wand to the shop to discover why it failed in the 2006 elections. One adviser remains. The man who not only orchestrated the invasion of Iraq but provided his own company as the agents for what came after: Vice President Dick Cheney.
Dick Cheney who couldn't be bothered to serve his country during Vietnam, citing "other priorities".
Dick Cheney who gave us such memorable quotes as, "We will be greeted as liberators" and "We know that he (Saddam Hussein) is devoted to acquiring nuclear weapons and we believe that he has, in fact, reconstituted nuclear weapons."
Dick Cheney who, now that his lesbian daughter is pregnant, resents any mention of the subject and refuses to comment on the anti-gay rhetoric that got he and George elected.
Your first clue as to the VP's importance should have been when, immediately after 9/11, it was he who was removed to a secure location. Even then, the Secret Service knew who was calling the shots.
Now that even the President admits that the war is a mess, Vice President Cheney is having none of it. In a contentious interview with Wolf Blitzer on Wednesday, Mr. Cheney refuses to acknowledge that there is anything amiss in the Middle East. He is not especially interested in the opinion of Congress ( and by extension the American people) regarding the conduct of the war. According to him, all dissent is virtual treason, giving aid and comfort to the enemy. One gets the unmistakable feeling that Dick Cheney knows he's right and he would really appreciate it if the rest of us, 300 million Americans, would just stop whining and let him run the world.
Mr. Cheney rails that we have had "enormous successes" in Iraq. (Naturally, this string of victories is going totally unreported by the liberal media). The facts , however would tend to support a contrary position. If you accept that our only objective was the elimination of Saddam Hussein than one would have to agree: Mission Accomplished. However, virtually all of the American combat deaths have occurred since Saddam ran for his spider-hole. If we are having such success, why does the President need 21,500 additional troops just to attempt to pacify the capital? We could have committed a much larger force at the beginning but, in spite of the concerns of America's generals, less than 125,000 troops were committed.
The administration didn't have to look far to learn what would probably happen in Iraq after Saddam. Shortly after the Iron Curtain fell, Yugoslavia was plunged into a terrible civil war. The country had been an uneasy collection of partisan factions kept in check by a strong, if oppressive, central government. Once that government (and its troops) were gone, neighbors began shooting at each other. After more than 100,000 people were killed a truce was brokered and it's still holding. By that reckoning Iraq still has about 40,000 more casualties to absorb.
Mr. Cheney is a little fuzzy on exactly who our enemies are. All Iraqis are either Shi'ites or Sunni. Both have guns. Both are determined to run the country. The Shi'ites are in the majority (about 65%) so they have the upper hand. The Sunnis are divided into Kurds 20% and Sunni Arabs 15%. If the Sunnis win, Iran will not be happy. Iran is mostly Shi'ite. If the Shi'ites prevail, Saudi Arabia may rethink its neutral stance. The Saudis are predominately Sunni.
If you are getting a headache trying to figure this stuff out than imagine the migraine that George W. Bush must have. Prior to becoming President, he thought that Yemen was something you said at the end of a prayer. (Sorry) Now his entire legacy is wrapped up in a war of his own making. I suspect that he has had some exceedingly harsh words for his VP. At some point he might actually utter them while Cheney is in the room.
In the meantime Vice President Cheney moves from nasty interview to nasty interview. He doesn't even make an effort to hide his contempt. Why should he? His legacy is already secure. Have you seen the share price of Halliburton lately?
This is not exactly the revelation of the age. Cheney is a much older hand than the President. It appears likely that the Republican plan all along was to elect someone, anyone, who would allow Cheney, Rumsfeld and the boys to dictate foreign policy. John McCain wasn't about to be steam-rolled by these guys which is why he was torpedoed in South Carolina in 2000. George W. was barely able to stand up to Al Gore and John Kerry. How do you imagine he fared at a meeting with his father's former advisers? He's lucky they didn't offer him a phonebook to sit on. Even Colin Powell says he thought of George as Skippy.
Well, it's now 2007. We have been at war for almost five years. 3,000+ Americans are dead and thousands more are coming home in one boot or with one sleeve pinned at the shoulder. The President has made two speeches in the last few weeks in which he virtually pleaded with the American people to give him just one more opportunity to fix Iraq. Congress is about to test the boundaries of the War Powers Clauses of the Constitution. Thank God Rumsfeld and Wolfowicz are out of the picture. Karl Rove has taken his magic wand to the shop to discover why it failed in the 2006 elections. One adviser remains. The man who not only orchestrated the invasion of Iraq but provided his own company as the agents for what came after: Vice President Dick Cheney.
Dick Cheney who couldn't be bothered to serve his country during Vietnam, citing "other priorities".
Dick Cheney who gave us such memorable quotes as, "We will be greeted as liberators" and "We know that he (Saddam Hussein) is devoted to acquiring nuclear weapons and we believe that he has, in fact, reconstituted nuclear weapons."
Dick Cheney who, now that his lesbian daughter is pregnant, resents any mention of the subject and refuses to comment on the anti-gay rhetoric that got he and George elected.
Your first clue as to the VP's importance should have been when, immediately after 9/11, it was he who was removed to a secure location. Even then, the Secret Service knew who was calling the shots.
Now that even the President admits that the war is a mess, Vice President Cheney is having none of it. In a contentious interview with Wolf Blitzer on Wednesday, Mr. Cheney refuses to acknowledge that there is anything amiss in the Middle East. He is not especially interested in the opinion of Congress ( and by extension the American people) regarding the conduct of the war. According to him, all dissent is virtual treason, giving aid and comfort to the enemy. One gets the unmistakable feeling that Dick Cheney knows he's right and he would really appreciate it if the rest of us, 300 million Americans, would just stop whining and let him run the world.
Mr. Cheney rails that we have had "enormous successes" in Iraq. (Naturally, this string of victories is going totally unreported by the liberal media). The facts , however would tend to support a contrary position. If you accept that our only objective was the elimination of Saddam Hussein than one would have to agree: Mission Accomplished. However, virtually all of the American combat deaths have occurred since Saddam ran for his spider-hole. If we are having such success, why does the President need 21,500 additional troops just to attempt to pacify the capital? We could have committed a much larger force at the beginning but, in spite of the concerns of America's generals, less than 125,000 troops were committed.
The administration didn't have to look far to learn what would probably happen in Iraq after Saddam. Shortly after the Iron Curtain fell, Yugoslavia was plunged into a terrible civil war. The country had been an uneasy collection of partisan factions kept in check by a strong, if oppressive, central government. Once that government (and its troops) were gone, neighbors began shooting at each other. After more than 100,000 people were killed a truce was brokered and it's still holding. By that reckoning Iraq still has about 40,000 more casualties to absorb.
Mr. Cheney is a little fuzzy on exactly who our enemies are. All Iraqis are either Shi'ites or Sunni. Both have guns. Both are determined to run the country. The Shi'ites are in the majority (about 65%) so they have the upper hand. The Sunnis are divided into Kurds 20% and Sunni Arabs 15%. If the Sunnis win, Iran will not be happy. Iran is mostly Shi'ite. If the Shi'ites prevail, Saudi Arabia may rethink its neutral stance. The Saudis are predominately Sunni.
If you are getting a headache trying to figure this stuff out than imagine the migraine that George W. Bush must have. Prior to becoming President, he thought that Yemen was something you said at the end of a prayer. (Sorry) Now his entire legacy is wrapped up in a war of his own making. I suspect that he has had some exceedingly harsh words for his VP. At some point he might actually utter them while Cheney is in the room.
In the meantime Vice President Cheney moves from nasty interview to nasty interview. He doesn't even make an effort to hide his contempt. Why should he? His legacy is already secure. Have you seen the share price of Halliburton lately?
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
...or does the Commander in Chief need to be spanked?
Exactly what's it going to take? The American people went to the polls in November of 2006 and voted overwhelmingly to end our involvement in Iraq. The President's popularity rating is approaching single digits (that's OJ territory). The decorum at the Republican caucus resembles the trading floor of the Chicago Board of Trade. Barney, the White House terrier, has jumped ship and Laura Bush is wearing a "Hil in '08" button pinned to her bra. George W. Bush is adding new meaning to the term "lame duck". He couldn't get elected dog-catcher in Crawford, Texas if he were running against Terrell Owens.
The President had the ideal opportunity to steer the country out of this mine field using the report from the Iraq Study Group as a map. This non-partisan report (the co-chairs are Lee Hamilton, Democrat, and Jim Baker, Republican) offered the administration several ways to save face while beginning to pull the U.S. out of disaster. Unfortunately, before you can act on a document you have to actually read it, and that has always been one of George's shortcomings.
So instead of trying to find some way, any way, to undue the damage in the Middle East without further destabilizing the region, (assuming that's even possible), our President is sending 21,500 additional troops into Baghdad. To quote the Guinness Bros. - Brilliant! The speech that announced this "new plan" contained more fudge than the out-house at the Keebler cookie tree. "If" this, "unless" that. What in the name of Barack Obama will it take to get this President to stop eye-balling his sphincter and address the real issues in Iraq?
However, lest we assume that the Commander in Chief is spending all of his time watching the NASCAR channel, George was quoted recently as expressing disappointment regarding one aspect of the crisis in the Middle East. George was put out about the way the executions of Saddam and two of his ministers were carried out. Apparently one of the President's aides, presumably someone close to George who isn't a member of AARP, downloaded the file from YouTube.
Now this is an area where George W. Bush can speak with considerable knowledge. He may not be able to find China on a map of Asia, or pronounce "nuclear", but when it comes to state sponsored killing, this man knows his onions.
During George's six years as the Governor of Texas, he signed 152 death warrants. That represents 40% of all the executions in Texas since 1976 (381). Texas is catching up to Virginia in the execution race, and Virginia had a 237 year head start! (Statistics are compiled since 1608 and Texas became a state in 1845.) When it comes to throwing the switch, GWB is the "the MAN".
The President allowed that the executions of Saddam and two of his senior lackeys were handled "poorly". In the presidential spirit of "I did not inhale", Mr. Bush said that he didn't watch the entire clip of Hussein's death. Anyone who believes this crock believes that the WMD are still out there in a Bagdhad 7-11. Imagine how George really saw the last earthly moments of Saddam Hussein...
I envision a small, tasteful gathering of the Bush cabal in a basement room at the White House. In attendance are the usual suspects: Karl Rove, Dick Cheney, Paul Wolfowitz, Don Rumsfeld, and a few other members of the real axis of evil. The White House tech team has hooked-up a 60-inch plasma to George's secretary's laptop and the White House kitchen has provided pizza and a keg of Coors. When the guards begin to taunt Saddam on the gallows, the gang at 1600 Pennsylvania start yelling at the screen, "Where's your republican guard now Saddam?" and "that's what happens when you try to assassinate my Dad!" When they release the trap door, Rove yells, "Oh! That's going to leave a mark." Rumsfeld wonders aloud why they didn't all go over and watch in person. Someone gently reminds Don that he'd have to fly commercial ...and in coach. Everyone laughs.
However it went down, it's nice to know that at least one death in Iraq wasn't ignored by the President. I'm guessing that he didn't attend Saddam's funeral, but then 3,052 Americans are dead in Iraq and the Commander in Chief hasn't attended any of those services either. He's just been too busy mapping "The Way Forward".
The President had the ideal opportunity to steer the country out of this mine field using the report from the Iraq Study Group as a map. This non-partisan report (the co-chairs are Lee Hamilton, Democrat, and Jim Baker, Republican) offered the administration several ways to save face while beginning to pull the U.S. out of disaster. Unfortunately, before you can act on a document you have to actually read it, and that has always been one of George's shortcomings.
So instead of trying to find some way, any way, to undue the damage in the Middle East without further destabilizing the region, (assuming that's even possible), our President is sending 21,500 additional troops into Baghdad. To quote the Guinness Bros. - Brilliant! The speech that announced this "new plan" contained more fudge than the out-house at the Keebler cookie tree. "If" this, "unless" that. What in the name of Barack Obama will it take to get this President to stop eye-balling his sphincter and address the real issues in Iraq?
However, lest we assume that the Commander in Chief is spending all of his time watching the NASCAR channel, George was quoted recently as expressing disappointment regarding one aspect of the crisis in the Middle East. George was put out about the way the executions of Saddam and two of his ministers were carried out. Apparently one of the President's aides, presumably someone close to George who isn't a member of AARP, downloaded the file from YouTube.
Now this is an area where George W. Bush can speak with considerable knowledge. He may not be able to find China on a map of Asia, or pronounce "nuclear", but when it comes to state sponsored killing, this man knows his onions.
During George's six years as the Governor of Texas, he signed 152 death warrants. That represents 40% of all the executions in Texas since 1976 (381). Texas is catching up to Virginia in the execution race, and Virginia had a 237 year head start! (Statistics are compiled since 1608 and Texas became a state in 1845.) When it comes to throwing the switch, GWB is the "the MAN".
The President allowed that the executions of Saddam and two of his senior lackeys were handled "poorly". In the presidential spirit of "I did not inhale", Mr. Bush said that he didn't watch the entire clip of Hussein's death. Anyone who believes this crock believes that the WMD are still out there in a Bagdhad 7-11. Imagine how George really saw the last earthly moments of Saddam Hussein...
I envision a small, tasteful gathering of the Bush cabal in a basement room at the White House. In attendance are the usual suspects: Karl Rove, Dick Cheney, Paul Wolfowitz, Don Rumsfeld, and a few other members of the real axis of evil. The White House tech team has hooked-up a 60-inch plasma to George's secretary's laptop and the White House kitchen has provided pizza and a keg of Coors. When the guards begin to taunt Saddam on the gallows, the gang at 1600 Pennsylvania start yelling at the screen, "Where's your republican guard now Saddam?" and "that's what happens when you try to assassinate my Dad!" When they release the trap door, Rove yells, "Oh! That's going to leave a mark." Rumsfeld wonders aloud why they didn't all go over and watch in person. Someone gently reminds Don that he'd have to fly commercial ...and in coach. Everyone laughs.
However it went down, it's nice to know that at least one death in Iraq wasn't ignored by the President. I'm guessing that he didn't attend Saddam's funeral, but then 3,052 Americans are dead in Iraq and the Commander in Chief hasn't attended any of those services either. He's just been too busy mapping "The Way Forward".
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