More news you can't use.
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Pope Benedict XVI announced this week that the Catholic Church was closing Limbo. After an 800 year run, the Vatican has decided that unbaptized babies do go to heaven after all. None of the babies in question were available for comment but one can imagine their relief. Less relieved are the thousands of parents of stillborn children who were denied burial in consecrated ground for their babies. Over-organized religion has a lot to answer for.
Having resolved this compelling theological question, the Holy See will begin to unravel the more vexing concept of the infield fly rule.
As long as the Church is in such a wild and crazy mood, how about a re-think on condoms and women in the priesthood.
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A Sudanese man was forced to take a goat as his wife after he was caught having sex with it/her. You cannot make this stuff up!
And you were wondering why these places are referred to as the third world? If everyone in the Sudan was required to marry the barnyard animals with whom they had copulated, there would be a lot more pigs and sheep shopping the bridal dept. at Saks.
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Don Imus will be getting his first Christmas card this year from C. Vivian Stringer, coach of the Rutgers Women's Basketball Team. Thanks to the I man, Ms. Stringer (there's no crying in basketball) is the proud owner of a $450,000 contract extension. Although her success on the court should have been enough to insure a hefty raise, there's little doubt that her martyrdom at the hands of Don Imus provided some additional incentive for the president of her university.
Rutgers could hardly have stiffed the women who gallantly defended her players from a cruel slur that went largely unnoticed when it was first broadcast.
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It is being widely reported that Harry Reid, Democratic Senator from Nevada and Vice President Dick Cheney have been engaged in, what is being called, a war of words. This is significant in that it is the first war in which Mr. Cheney has actually taken an active role. Although the VP was a no show in Vietnam, he apparently feels that a 68 year old Mormon is less likely to inflict grievous bodily harm. And you thought that Cheney left his balls in that undisclosed location after 9/11. Shame on you.
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As most of you have heard by now, Rosie O'Donell is leaving her gig as one of the gabbers on The View. Apparently Rosie wanted a one year deal but ABC wanted her for three.
Never one to remain silent, Donald Trump, the hair piece from hell, opined that Rosie was fired.
Seemingly, no one mentioned to Don that ratings for The View are up 17% since Rosie joined the cast. And how does that compare with the numbers for The Apprentice? I thought you'd never ask. Since his first year in 2003, Trump's overall audience has dropped from 20 million to 10. I guess America's interest in watching a self-important creep trash a bunch of snotty kids in expensive suits has its limits after all.
I understand that you can now purchase the rights to the phrase "You're fired" on ebay right alongside Jimmy Walker's "Dy no mite!" and Hawaii Five O's! "Book 'em Dano".
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