more news you can't use...
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The State of Kansas, glorious home of presidential hopeful Sam Brownback, is back in the news. The Kansas school board has issued its fifth scientific standard in the last eight years. This time, thanks to a bunch of Godless atheists, the board is accepting the "theory" of evolution as "well supported by research". Well, thank you Kansas.
The board has yet to amend the current scientific teaching that the earth is flat and that the sun revolves around it. In a vote of 6 to 4 last year the Kansas board was able to put to rest the moon/green cheese controversy.
Would anyone be surprised to learn that condemned criminals in Kansas have a choice in the method of their execution...stoning or burned at the stake?
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As a public service to isitjustme readers, we have begun the Rev. Ted Haggard "Mo" watch.
It has been one week since graduating from the three week de-gaying academy and Rev. Haggard is still 100% heterosexual. We're pulling for you, Ted!
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In a rare display of courage, President George W. Bush held a press conference last Wednesday. He was hopeful that the sheet of ice covering Washington, D.C. roads would hold the crowd down. No such luck.
The President fielded several questions regarding whether his administration was manufacturing evidence that Iran was providing weapons to Iraqi insurgents. Manufacturing evidence? Mon Dieu! Why would anyone think that the Bush administration would sink to attempting to hoodwink the American people? Maybe because it worked so well the last time.
The fact that a reporter would even suggest such a thing says volumes about the level of trust that the people have in this administration. The Bush White House has less legitimacy than Anna Nichole's baby.
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In a head-shaking move this week, the Unites States Mint has released yet another one dollar coin, this one with a likeness of George Washington. Clearly the last 87 attempts at creating a coin to augment the paper currency were colossal failures simply because of the unfortunate choice of icons. Now that George Washington will adorn both the paper and coin version of the dollar, all confusion will immediately cease and people will stop using the coins for quarters and then getting pissed-off.
Note to the Mint; this is a bad idea. It was a bad idea when you used the likeness of Susan B. Anthony, Sacajawea and anyone else. This is the "metric system" of coinage. You could imprint a series of images called "Famous Breasts of the Movie Industry" and people still won't use them (although they might fondle them a bit).
If you want the American Euro, you will have to take the paper dollars out of circulation. You will also need to design a way that the coins can be folded lengthwise for gentleman's clubs.
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Jessica Hall of Jacksonville, N.C. was convicted of maliciously throwing a McDonald's drink cup full of ice through the window of another car in a road rage incident. Ms. Hall has been sentenced to two years in prison. It seems that hurling a "missile" into another car is a felony in Virginia and two years is the minimum sentence.
Ms. Hall is the mother of three and, although what she did was dangerous and could have resulted in a serious accident, two years in prison is obscene. People routinely get probation for far more serious infractions. The other driver said that, if he had known of the severity of the sentence, he would never have filed the complaint. She has already been in custody for a month and that's enough.
This reactionary attitude is common in Virginia. At a time when many states (including neighboring Maryland) are contemplating abolishing the death penalty, Virginia is busily dreaming-up ways to lethally inject additional felons. Although Virginia is still #1 in overall executions, recent momentum has been swinging toward Texas.
Perhaps the Commonwealth could bump-up its numbers by offering to execute criminals from other states. A simple alteration in the state's motto should do the trick. "Virginia is for Execution-Lovers".
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You can't make this stuff up.
Last November, Brig. Gen. Patrick Finnegan flew to Hollywood with three top military and FBI interrogation experts. Their mission was to meet with the producers of the hit TV show "24" and attempt to persuade them to cut back on the scenes (and there are many) of hero Jack Bauer torturing terrorist suspects. It seems that the show is setting a bad example for West Point cadets who are wondering why Jack Bauer can crack the occasional head and they can't.
So let's see if I get this. The best and brightest officers-to-be in our armed forces are having trouble separating fantasy from reality? And, this problem is so serious that a brigadier general needs to fly to LA to address the issue? Beam me up Scotty. There is no intelligent life on this planet. Hopefully the Middies at Annapolis aren't watching McHale's Navy.
One suspects that the writers of the Simpsons will be receiving a stern letter from the EPA regarding the way Homer handles nuclear fuel and the effect that it's having on power plant employees.
Earth to West Point...it's a TV show. It's not real. Fictional characters can do anything. Get a life!
Please tune your televisions to "Survivor". Good, now vote yourself off.
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