Tonight's debate between Sarah Palin and Joe Biden could be the most cringe -producing 90 minutes since Reservoir Dogs. We are about to be treated to a grudge match between Mr. T and Talia Shire. To quote Martin Scorsese, "Where's the antagonist? Where's the drama?"
Regardless of your political flavor preference, there are several facts that are not in dispute:
- Joe Biden has accumulated more foreign policy experience riding the Amtrak Acela than Sarah Palin has managed in ten years as a bureaucrat in Alaska.
-Having managed to look insipid and clueless in her few meager interviews thus far, we will all be amazed if Sarah successfully completes a recitation of the alphabet. There will be bonus points if she can recite the names and ages of her children.
It is impossible to write about Sarah Palin's abysmal knowledge of the world without sliding into a series of snide, sarcastic remarks. Unfortunately, my problem will also be Joe Biden's problem. Being a heavy favorite in any contest carries several disadvantages. He must be gracious at all times. He cannot laugh or snicker at her responses. Running up the score is verboten. He must be deferential without appearing patronizing. Considering Biden's reputation as a bit ham-handed, this will be a chore. Sarah Palin is likable. Attacking her will be tricky. Think panda. If you are in a fight with one, you'd better have a gun but, do you really want to be seen on national television shooting a cuddly panda?
Senator Biden's objective will be to attack the stated policies of John McCain. It's more comfortable to watch the decimation of an old man in absentia than the young woman at the podium. If Biden can establish early on that McCain's direction is wrong then he can be forgiven for shooting the messenger. Biden should answer the questions as asked and stand back. If recent history is any indicator, Governor Palin will launch into the talking point, non sequiturs that have provided Tina Fey with her barely edited SNL material. Biden should appear engaged, attentive, and deferential. All hysterical laughing should be delayed until after the mikes are turned off and the cameras go dark.
By the way, how would you like to be John McCain at 9:00 PM tonight? How's that unorthodox, maverick, outside-the-box management style working out for you? If he thought six years in the Hanoi Hilton was tough on the nerves, just wait until Gwen Ifill asks Governor Palin to explain how she thinks the financial rescue plan will help loosen the credit markets. If his heart survives this debate, I'll consider voting for him myself. It will be like watching your ten year old daughter dance Swan Lake at Lincoln Center with the NY City Ballet. You'd be delirious if she just manages to remain upright.
So everyone will watch tonight's carnage with one finger on the mute button. After all, everybody loved the "...you're no Jack Kennedy" zinger that Lloyd Bentsen hurled at Dan Quayle but if you saw it live it produced a world class wince. No one wants to watch a cow become a steak.
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