...or is George W. Bush really the hardest working man in show business?

Thoughts at the close of 2008 Volume II


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Yes, I know. George Bush is history...gone...adios. Stop flogging a dead jackass. Well, I'm trying, however, when new tidbits of idiocy continue to crop up every day, it's tough to just let go.

Example: The Bush Administration, in a farewell embrace of the National Rifle Association, has issued a new policy permitting the carrying of loaded, concealed firearms in most national parks and wildlife refuges. (Read that again!) Could someone possibly enlighten me as to what purpose is served by allowing hikers, campers and nature-lovers to stroll the Oyster Bay National Wildlife Refuge packing heat? These aren't hunters we're discussing. Just your average family man communing with nature in the company of his family and his Glock 9mm with 14 in the clip and one in the chamber. So what's next, George? You still have 20 days. How about a law permitting dog fighting in church basements; or lifting the pooper-scooper laws in New York? There's still plenty of time to mangle the economy or befoul the atmosphere. Call your EPA director if you need any ideas.

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Former Attorney General Alberto "Torture? Why Not!" Gonzales is writing a book to clear up the misunderstanding surrounding his tenure as America's Top Cop. One can hardly wait to dive into 355 pages of how the liberal media distorted and misrepresented his good intentions and wise legal counsel. Who could resist the heart-warming story of a poor Catholic child born in Humble, Texas (Yes. That's the town name) and his rise to attend Harvard Law and ultimately to head the Justice Department in 2005? Don't expect to see much about how Al and his boss ran the U.S. Constitution through a blender to justify the incarceration of prisoners in Guantanamo or the systematic torture of detainees at Abu Graib. Other likely omissions will certainly include: The Texas Youth Commission Scandal, the complete ignorance of the Geneva Convention and the attempt to politicize the Justice Department.

Proposed titles for Mr. Gonzales' book include: "Authorized Waterboarding Means Never Having To Say You're Sorry", " It's Only Illegal If I Say So", "I Wanted to Attend Liberty University School of Law. Harvard Was My Safety School" or "If You Think Waterboarding is Torture, Read My Book".

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But if you think Alberto Gonzales' book is funny...

A New Jersey man is accusing a ShopRite supermarket in Greenwich Township of discrimination because the store refused to print a birthday cake with the man's son's name in the icing. The name...Adolph Hitler Campbell. Mr. Heath Campbell of Holland Township has two other children, both girls, named Joycelynn Ayran Nation Campbell, age 2 and (it gets better) Honszlynn Himler Jeannie Campbell, one year old. It's real Americans like Mr. Campbell that make you want to reconsider some of those forced sterilization ideas that were all the rage in Berlin in the 30's. No one asked Mr. Campbell if he'd like to carry a loaded weapon in the park. What's your guess?

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Russian President Dmitry Medvedev signed a law this week extending the term of Russian President from four to six years. WOW! Couldn't see that coming! Rumor has it that the first law enacted by the Russian Parliament in 2009 will permit a Russian President to serve for life, but only if his initials are Vladimir Putin.

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And another organization always ready to provide a chuckle, the Catholic Church made the news in the person of Chilean Cardinal Jorge Medina. Cardinal Medina took issue with Madonna (that would be Alex Rodriguez' Madonna, not the one in all those paintings). The good Cardinal called Madonna's concert "an offense to God" and "incredibly shameful behavior". Gee! And you thought the critics at Rolling Stone were tough?
Interestingly enough, Cardinal Medina made his pronouncement during a Mass for the late dictator Augusto Pinochet who died in 2006. You may remember Pinochet as the brutal dictator responsible for the murder and torture of tens of thousands of Chilean citizens that disagreed with his style of government. Apparently Cardinal Medina, in the spirit of forgive and forget, did not find General Pinochet's actions in 1973 "incredibly shameful behavior". There's just no accounting for taste.