...or was Forrest Gump right? Stupid is as stupid does.

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A Tennessee man has named his new baby Sarah McCain Palin. The fact that he did this without his wife's blessing is almost irrelevant (although probably not irrelevant to his sex life). Who does this stuff? To attempt to apply logic would be to court madness. Perhaps when the child is a little older, we can introduce her to little Kerry Lieberman down the street.

Well, congratulations to the proud father for continuing the long-held stereotype about people from Tennessee.

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And while we're on the subject of the stereotypical South...
Amid the sturm und drang of the presidential election (under twenty days, thank God!) and the Wall Street meltdown, one item in the news might have escaped your notice. The Supreme Court (you remember them: black robes, no smiles) refused to hear the case of Georgia death row inmate Troy Anthony Davis. Mr. Davis made the news last month when his execution was halted just two hours before the chemical cocktail was to be served. Davis was convicted of killing an off-duty police officer in 1989. Since his conviction, seven of the nine witnesses who testified at his trial have changed their story. Many have told tales of police pressure and coercion. Mr. Davis (be ready for a shock!) is black.

It's unclear what the Supreme Court would consider compelling evidence for a new trial in this case. Maybe they're just too busy to hear arguments. Justice Scalia probably has a book signing in Georgetown and Justice Stevens is busy trying to stay alive until Barak Omaba is sworn in. Whatever the reason for the Court's disinterest, other prominent folks have already spoken up. Pope Benedict XVI, Desmond Tutu and Jimmy Carter have all expressed disdain for the death penalty in general and this case in particular.

Ignoring these liberal bed-wetters, the State of Georgia can't wait to rid the world of this fiend. His guilt or innocence is of no consequence in a state that is determined to send a message. Apparently the message is, " when a cop is killed, you'd better not be the first black male we grab".

The way it's practiced in the South, the death penalty is nothing more than state-sanctioned racism and murder. That power needs to be taken from these crackers and federalized. Texas, Florida, Virginia, Oklahoma and several other states should no longer be permitted to execute Americans for the sole purpose of appearing to be "tough on crime" and courting the votes of blood-thirsty half-wits. The administration of capital punishment in America is a joke but the death row inmates aren't laughing. They're just counting days.

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America's newest pain-in-the-ass comes in the form of the President of Venezuela, Hugo Chavez. If you thought Castro was annoying wait until you get an earful of Hugo. He has rewritten and improved the anti-American playbook with skill and panache. Think Karl Rove with a bad Spanish accent.

Chavez has convinced his followers that an American invasion of their country is imminent. He points to Iraq and suggests that Venezuela is a lot closer. He sites the Bay of Pigs as proof of American aggression. He cozies up to the Cubans and lauds Fidel as the greatest leader the region has seen. In point of fact, Chavez is a lot cagier than Castro. Venezuela is a semi-functioning democracy so Chavez has to get himself elected, at least nominally. Chavez also has a commodity more valuable than Cuban cigars and sugar. He has oil. About 14% of American imported crude comes from Venezuela. Although he needs us as much as we need him, the threat of a shut-off, however unlikely, keeps the U.S. from ignoring the little pest (or making his invasion dream a reality).

In another page from the Cuban manual, Chavez is flirting with everybody's favorite karate master, Vladimir Putin. Arms deals, joint navel maneuvers and numerous sleep-overs are giving our Russian friends a wonderful opportunity to restart the cold war and stick a finger in George W Bush's eye in the bargain.

And so my friends, every time you fill up your SUV and delight in the decline of the price of unleaded regular, remember that there's a grinning Venezuelan asshole holding the other end of your nozzle. Drink up, America.