...or do really strange things surface in August?

Item Just when you thought it was safe to use the men's room in the Minneapolis airport... No sooner do we get rid of Congressmen Degenerate from Florida ( that would be Mark Foley for those of you with ADD) when we are confronted with Senator Pervert from Idaho. Senator Larry Craig has a perfectly reasonable explanation for signaling his stallmate in the airport lav. He wasn't using the code sign for "how about a little pitcher/catcher 'til they call our flight?" No. He was just spreading out, getting comfortable, making good use of the space available. If he tapped the shoe of his neighbor, well, it was just his restless leg syndrome. The explanation could have been worse. He could have asserted that, having exhausted the supply of t.p. on his side of the wall, he was merely asking for two five's for a ten. The Senate coat closet must hardly have room inside for a coat. Why is it always the most self righteous big mouth (may be a poor choice there) who turns out to be skulking in the closet? Mark Foley, Ted Haggard, David Vitter and all of the myriad repressed "sinners" are delighted to tell the rest of us how to live. Let he who is without sin cast the first condom. Anyway it won't be long before you will be able to purchase the new line of Larry Craig shopping bags at airport souvenir stands. Just give them your shoe size and you're on your way. _________________________________________________________________________ Item A new study by the Trust for America's Health finds that Mississippi is the fattest state in the country with an obesity rate in excess of 30%. Alabama, West Virginia, Arkansas and Louisiana are waddling right behind. I find it fascinating that all five of these states are firmly in the Red column. All of them supported GWB twice. Mississippi also has 350 fewer libraries than the national average and ranks 49 out of 50 on the "Smart State" Meter. This is not a coincidence. Consider, if you will, the similarities between George W. Bush and glazed donuts: both look nice in a homey, sugary way. both are devoid of benefit (Think "empty calories...empty suit"). both tend to be chosen without much thought. both are bad for you. We can fix this if we try (Not the voting record... the chubbiness) . Instead of driving down to Walmart Saturday in your SUV with the Presidents Fitness Council bumper sticker, try walking to a book store or a library. (A longer walk in Mississippi.) At the very least, if you're going to Wendy's, park in the Burger King lot and walk over. Reintroduce your family to the vegetable. We weren't raised on fast food and packaged junk. Why are we doing this to our kids? It's like smoking. Stop it! _________________________________________________________________________ Item Michael Vick and Alberto Gonzales pleading guilty in the same week. What are the odds. Well, OK "Guantanamo Al" didn't exactly plead guilty but you don't leave a cushy job in a lame duck administration unless you did something really bad. Al must have called in sick the day that Karl Rove was teaching the "How to Bullshit a Congressional Committee" course. He gave a worse performance than if Steven Segal did "Death of a Salesman". So with 17 months remaining in the endless presidency of GWB, all of the Texas Mafia from 2000 has headed for the tall timbers. Well maybe not all. Dick Cheney has hung a "gone hunting" sign on his door. Karen Hughes is still around but she's busy trying to find some world leader that will risk a photo-op with the American President. Most would rather pose with Michael Vick. ___________________________________________________________________ Item In case you missed it, the poppy crop in Afghanistan has hit a record for the second year in a row. Those guys in the Taliban may be lousy as museum curators but they're aces in agriculture. If we could teach them to grow corn, Afghanistan could become an energy producing country, not to mention the manufacturer of the munchies to accompany the drugs. ___________________________________________________________________ Item George W. Bush has found New Orleans. I guess that it wasn't too difficult considering that it looks pretty much the same as it did two years ago. In a display of presidential chutzpa for which this administration is world famous, Sensitive George visited the Crecent City yesterday on the anniversary of that little storm thing that happened two years ago. You have to be impressed with a president that asks Congress for $50 billion we don't have, to fight a losing war in Iraq but can't seem to locate a few bucks to restore one of America's crown jewels. Mayor Ray Nagen is considering publishing a report that there are weapons of mass distruction in the French Quarter. At least then the army might show up.