...or is Monday all that untrustworthy?

Things you don't need to know: Item Former prison inmate Genarlow Wilson is a free man today. Mr. Wilson was a guest of the State of Georgia for more than two years, having been found guilty of receiving oral sex from a fifteen year old girl when he himself was only eighteen. Genarlow was all smiles as he emerged from the penitentiary saying that he holds no one to blame for the ten year sentence he received. The Georgia State Supreme Court gagged on the conviction,calling it grossly disproportionate to the crime. Mr. Wilson has stated that the next time he goes looking for love he will avoid the junior high schools and try the AARP web site. "If she ain't drawing social security, I pass" said Mr. Wilson. __________________________________________________________________________ Item The American Bar Association has recommended a moratorium on executions throughout the United States. While the ABA takes no formal stand on the death penalty, a study by the Association has concluded that sufficient problems exist in the administration of the death penalty. Poor DNA evidence control, faulty eye-witness testimony and pervasive racism all lead the ABA to their recommendation. Interestingly, many more whites are being executed than blacks. Once again whitey moves to the front of the line. The states that were reviewed include Alabama, Arizona, Georgia, Florida, Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania and Tennessee. When asked why Texas was not included in the study, an ABA spokesperson indicated that the group never likes to group amateurs with professionals. The ABA further suggested that the states dispatch a fact finding mission to Saudi Arabia (beheading with a sword) or Iran (stoning) to gather expertise on how executions should be performed. ___________________________________________________________________________ Item In a related story, a Moscow judge sentenced Alexander Pichushkin, the "chessboard killer", to life in prison for the murder of 40 people and the attempted murder of an additional three. It seems that those barbaric Ruskies have a moratorium on the death penalty. The law is still on the books but capital cases are shunned in practice, even for a man who killed 40 people. Pichushkin was called the chessboard killer due to his boast that he intended to murder one person for every square on the chessboard. He claimed to have killed 60 but the prosecution could not verify the total. When informed of this heinous crime, President George W. Bush expressed relief that Pichushkin wasn't a checkers player. __________________________________________________________________________ Item GAP, Inc. was shocked, shocked to learn that one of their subcontractors, an Indian company, was using child labor in their sweatshop in New Delhi. A spokesperson for GAP attributed the problem to a typo in the contract with the Indian firm. GAP understood that the children, some as young as ten, would be working in a "sweetshop". "We were misled from the start" said Marka Hansen,from GAP's New York headquarters. Ms. Hansen went on to assert that GAP would never do business with a sweatshop. "The sweat gets all over the jeans and makes them smell just awful. Our customers would never approve."