...or are there things you were better off not knowing?

Item Atlanta councilman C.T. Martin is proposing a new law. He wants all Jockeys invisible in public (presumably exclusive of small people who ride horses for a living). His proposed addition to the indecency laws would impose a fine on anyone showing his or her unmentionables in public. (The possibility of leaving the men's room with your fly down was not addressed nor was inadvertently tucking your skirt into the back of your knickers.) This is another example of a public official with way too much time on his hands. Councilman Martin is just another straight arrow trying to join the race with New York and Chicago competing for the "Let's Be Singapore" award. Apparently it has escaped C.T.'s notice that most of the kids wearing their baggies around their knees are black teenagers. Because he too is African American, he apparently feels it's OK to pass laws that target black males. After all, it's OK for Jackie Mason to lampoon Jews, right? Don't the Atlanta cops have enough excuses for hassling black kids? To ensure that girls don't feel left out, Councilman Martin's fashion police will also be on the lookout for exposed bra straps and telltale thongs. Looks like Madonna won't be playing the Georgia Dome any time soon. Brandy Chastain, put your shirt on! It seems clear that Mr. Martin grew up on a planet where kids didn't do everything humanly possible to enrage their parents and any authority figures they could find. The whole point of wearing long hair (the 60's), bell bottoms (the 70's), earrings on boys (the 80's) was to incite adults to shake their heads and sigh "these kids today..." The only possible reason for showing America half your backside would be to make a "statement." Sadly that statement is usually, "I'm really not as dumb as these pants make me look." The original idea for the droopy-drawers look comes from the penitentiary where they take away your shoelaces and belt. Mr. Martin has decided that prison is not the place from which to glean fashion statements. Whether we agree or not is wholly irrelevant. These kids will outgrow this affectation the same way we all did... when we need to get a job (unless your future employer is Fruit of the Loom). Meanwhile, should C.T. succeed, his next ordinance will levy a $50 fine for anyone wearing a baseball cap with the bill facing anywhere but forward, and an outright ban on wearing hood ornaments and household appliances as fashion accessories. We'll clean the little bastards up yet! ___________________________________________________________________ Item It was announced recently that Jenna Bush, daughter of President George W. Bush, will soon be marring Henry Hager of Virginia. With Karl Rove gone from the White House, it was unclear from whom young Henry sought the hand of the fair Jenna. Plans for the wedding have been left in the capable hands of Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney. They have indicated that the actual ceremony will be over fairly quickly but as to what comes after they have no earthly idea. ___________________________________________________________________ Item Isitjustme would never forget a friend so here's the latest on The Reverend Ted Haggard. You may remember Rev. Ted from such songs as "I May Be a Big Man in the God Game But I'll Never Leave My Friend's Behind". (Sorry!) Ted has decided, along with his wife, (the female one) to return to academia and pursue a degree in counseling and psychology. He then plans to move to The Phoenix Dream Center (I kid you not!) and begin a career in counseling. Considering Ted's religious devotion to methamphetamine, one would imagine that he had already spent too much time at the Dream Center. Reverend Haggard is passing the collection plate among friends and former parishioners for financial support while he completes his education at the University of Phoenix. (Isn't that like YouTube University?) Apparently the wages of sin weren't enough to support a return to college. The royalties from his books and videos have been a little light lately. Getting busted for drugs and hiring male prostitutes can really put a crimp in the old revenue hose when your message is "Follow me to the moral high ground". We're pulling for you Rev.