... or is regime change not working out the way we hoped?

Item: Afghanistan is headed for a record opium crop, posting an increase in production of 40%.

Be proud America! Thanks to the intervention of our State Deptartment, Afghanistan has moved from marginal occupation by the old Soviet Union to the dictatorial theocracy of the Taliban to a shining new democracy (minus the purple digits). Not only are the Afghans now a free people, (assuming that you live within about nine square blocks of downtown Kabul, but their number one cash crop is breaking all records.

The next logical step is to initiate a program similar to the wildly successful system that keeps American farmers running to the polls every year to vote for their favorite Republican Congressman: farm subsidies. (To be fair, this particular nightmare is nonpartisan).

When farmers in America grow too much of something, Uncle Sam rushes in to either prop up the price or buy the excess. After all, why should farmers be required to shoulder the risks born by other small businesses? If we are so determined to export our way of life to people who haven't asked for it, why not introduce Afghanistan to the wonderful world of no-risk farming - Global Capitalism at its best.

We can send the MBAs from the Department of Agriculture to Marseilles and Amsterdam to determine the average price for poppies, as well as opium, and offer Afghan growers the best price. The excess opium will presumably be used by the current administration who is clearly already smoking something if they believe that their foreign policy is working.

After 9/11 America wanted to attack someone - anyone. The WTC terrorists were Saudis but torching Saudi Arabia seemed ill-advised. We still need to fuel those Hummers.

Incinerating any of the countries in the Middle East suspected of aiding terrorists would have required proof for the court of world opinion. What's a superpower to do? Bomb Afghanistan. Nobody will care. It has no oil, no industry, no vacation spots, and almost no embassies. It's run by the Taliban and we know that half the terrorists in the world have camps there. Perfect! Even the French won't care. The world might not even notice, if we can just distract Christiana Amenpuhr for a day or two.

Well, that was almost five long years ago. A lot of good men have died on the ground and there is nothing humorous about that. We have blown up Tora Bora and Hamid Karzai is president. Presumably, he is in no danger of assassination. Having almost no real power, and because he poises no threat to the warlords that run the country outside of Kabul, he is welcome to address the United Nations and appear on Larry King Live.

Congratulations George. Your global dabbling has resulted in the deaths of 2,600 American kids, at least 60,000 Iraqis, (2,400 in just the month of July), and no increase in United States standing abroad. The only recruiters meeting their quotas are the ones praying towards Mecca.

But take heart America. At least the junkies of the world won't suffer the wrath of cruel price increases. Too bad so few of them vote.