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Everybody's favorite rock-star reverend, Father Alberto Cutie, (nice name!) has decided to sow the seeds of faith in a different garden (No, not that garden!). The popular talk show host (he's not much in the Northeast but I hear he's big down under) has decided that when it comes to priestly vows: poverty is OK, obedience is fine, chastity...not so much. Having been photographed canoodling with his girlfriend on a beach, the Pastor of Disaster has moved his retail operation to a different spot on the Ecclesiastical Mall. Father Cutie will now ply his trade from an Episcopal pulpit. Episcopalians, it seams, are not as "religious" about loving your neighbor.
As for the Catholics, they have adopted a practical attitude., Secretly, they're just happy that Father Cutie's indiscretion didn't involve a little boy or a farm animal.
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Continuing in the same pew...it seems that Mel Gibson has discovered that the shoes of the fisherman can sometimes be a mite tight. Gibson, who hails from a long line of Catholic scolds, is demanding that the parishioners of his Church, Holy Family Chapel (no irony there) not judge him or question his morals. Apparently having produced and directed the cinematic bloodbath known as the Passion of the Christ, Mel feels entitled to a "get out of your marriage free" card. Catholics prohibit divorce and they take an even dimmer view of knocking up your new girlfriend.
Considering the gazzilion dollar settlement that Gibson's ex is expecting from the courts, Mel may wish to consider beginning preproduction for "Passion of the Christ II, The Resurrection".
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It's just possible that Viagra is actually named for a small town in Italy. If so, the village is most certainly the ancestral home of Silvio Berlusconi, current prime minister of Italy. Signor Berlusconi has had his picture in the news a great deal lately. He may not be easy to spot however, because the photos are also peopled with a gaggle of topless 18 year-olds. Apparently where marriage, fidelity and dirty old men are concerned, even Italians have limits. Who knew?Whatever rules of amore exist in Italy, Berlusconi has broken one.
Naturally, the source of the prurient details of Silvio's trysts is his soon-to-be-ex-wife. The Prime Minister laments that his wife is just trying to justify her long time affair with her bodyguard. Ah, love!
The bigger question is how can a country be dumb enough to elect a guy who can't keep his fly closed and who preys on women young enough to be his daughter? Oh, yeah! Sorry, Mr. Clinton.
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What do Arkansas, Indiana, Virginia and Nevada have in common? They are the four states that currently prohibit drivers from smiling for their license photos. Apparently smiling complicates the use of facial recognition software for criminal apprehension. It remains curious that, having spent unending hours at the mercy of the Department of Motor Vehicles, anyone would find anything to smile about.
The state of Wyoming has decided a change in the law was unnecessary. They will merely ask for compliance or, in the case of the former vice president...beg.
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Those crackerjack security personnel at The State Department have exposed yet another traitor to our country. The swift arrest of Walter Kendall Myers and his wife Gwendolyn proves yet again that our government watchdogs never sleep. The nefarious Mr. Myers who is 72 and his Mada Harri wife, 71, were captured after an espionage career of only...30 years. After three decades of smuggling secrets to Cuba, the State Dept finally pounced. What exactly were the Feds waiting for? The guy is retired, for Pete sake. The only thing he could furnish to his Cuban handlers now were early-bird menus from Denny's.
Myers had a longer career smuggling secrets than most people have careers. Wasn't anyone alerted when the Myers retirement party featured a Mariachi band and the gifts included a box of good cigars with no card?
Mr. Myers joins an expanding list of home-grown traitors who have made an impressive career of selling secrets to our enemies...and our friends. Robert Hanssen of the FBI sold secrets to the Soviets for 20 years before he was caught. Aldrich Ames, although a relative novice at nine years, held one of the most sensitive possible jobs at CIA. At one point Ames was in charge of the task force assigned to identify leaks. Who knew that being a secret agent came with a retirement plan?
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