Just think of them as Fiscal Cliff notes:
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A German man reported that his girlfriend tried to suffocate him when he explained that he was planning to leave her. The victim, Mr. Tim Schmidt told police that when he advised Ms. Franziska Hansen that their relationship was at an end, her response was to restrict his ability to breathe. Because there was no garrott available and pillows were unreliable (though they were in bed at the time), Ms. Hansen proceeded to do the job with her size 38DD breasts. Whoa! Didn't see that coming. Neither apparently did Mr. Schmidt. "She just grabbed my head and pushed it between her breasts with all her force. I thought I was going to die." It probably took him a full minute to realize that this gesture was not so much amorous as felonious. Having confessed to this mammary assault, Ms. Hansen stated "I wanted his death to be as pleasurable as possible." Who says Germans don't have a sense of humor?
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Roman Catholics around the world who make it a point never to follow the Pope about anything can now follow him on Twitter... or maybe not follow him on Twitter. Yes folks, the church that is famous for trying to recreate the fourteenth century here in the 21st has gone hi tech. The Papacy, never known for its brevity, will now attempt to reduce Christ's teachings to messages of 140 characters or less. A whole new language of tweet-speak abbreviations will be born:
"YG2H" - you're going to hell;
"missed your . (period)? Don't even think about abortion";
#pedophile;
"ICYMI no bc in cs" - "In Case You Missed It no birth control in catholic schools"
"TL;DR" - "Too Long; Didn't Read" (usually applied to encyclicals)
"BMH" - a variation of SMH-shaking my head. In this case "bowing my head".
Catholics can now follow along with the Pope's daily activities. Tweets like "child abuse in Ireland? maybe, but what about that great music." or "what to get Sandra Fluke for xmas? what about a nice excommunication?" We can find out what the Pope eats for lunch "pasta @ Vatican commissary sucks" We will learn how His Holiness handles the awesome responsibility of infallibility "Newest proclamation...Suspenders can now be worn with a belt" We'll even know what the Pope is reading these days "Started Fifty Shades of Grey. Thought it was a clothing catalog. My bad"
The Pope already has half a million followers and he hasn't even tweeted his first recipe. Thanks to the technology of Twitter, The Holy Father can now be ignored by thousands of Catholics who previously could only disregard his medieval ramblings in newspapers or from the pulpit. Seriously, who wouldn't want to read daily postings from an 85 year old priest who wears a bathrobe and hardly ever leaves the house? Considering that his day consists of three meals and about 400 blessings, Pope Benedict XVI isn't likey to be confused with Russell Brand. Now if someone can hook up Silvio Berlusconi on Twitter, that would be worth reading.
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In case you think that Republicans have learned anything from their recent train wreck at the polls, here are a few clues:
The Republicans who run the state of Oklahoma have erected a new monument at the state house...a copy of the Ten Commandments. Haven't we already had this fight?
Marco Rubio was asked in an interview by GQ magazine how old he thinks the earth is. Rather than attempt a scientific answer (4.5 billion years is the current estimate) Rubio stammered out some drivel about not being a scientist and allowing that there are many answers to that question. Presumably one of those "answers" is "considering the Flintstone's celebrate Christmas, I'm thinking 6,000 years".
It would appear that the GOP is not yet ready to step away from the Christian Right. Be prepared to see a continuation of the social issues nonsense that has plagued the Republicans since Reagan. Perhaps their candidate in 2016 will prepare a better concession speech that Romney's. He'll need it.
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Cuba has decided to give its citizens a taste of twenth-first century capitalism. Beginning next year Cubans will have the privledge of paying income taxes. One would have thought the Cuban government would wait until its people actually had an income to tax. At this point, taxing the Cubans would be like taxing the homeless. (Taxing the homeless is better known as the Cantor, DeMint Plan)
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