Some things are funny once. Some actions grow from a one-time thing into a tradition. (Example: Throwing the opposing team's home run balls back onto the field at Wrigley.) However, the Gatorade shower inflicted on coaches after big victories is an idea further past its prime than John McCain. Wiki is vague on who started this tradition but it's been going on for 25 years. Once upon a time swimming teams used to throw their winning coaches in the pool. That may be why credit cards and drivers licenses are plastic. Whatever spontaneous giggles are derived from dumping sticky goo on your coach have been replaced by cringes. Most big games are won in winter. It's cold. Many coaches are old. It would be a tragedy to see Joe Paterno's career ended by pneumonia due to a lemonade bath in January. I'm sure coaches hate it. Besides, can you imagine anyone dumping a bucket of anything on George Halas or Vince Lombardi? You'd be packing your bags before the ice melted on the AstroTurf.
And on the subject of old, outmoded artifacts that should have been retired years ago, who thought it would be a good idea to put Cher in a new movie? Mrs. Bono is appearing with Christine Aguilera in a "small town girl learns the ropes from old doll" picture called Burlesque. (I tell ya this chestnut is so old, Sony Pictures had to pay royalties to a French cave-wall painter! rim shot!) We don't wish to go all Perez Hilton but the only thing stretched farther than Cher's face is her modest talent. She has had every plastic surgeon in Hollywood learning the words to "If I Could Turn Back Time". Having big pipes is not the same as being able to sing...just like a penchant for public nudity isn't the same as acting. Anyway, maybe the casting isn't all that bad. After all, didn't Cher once date Flo Ziegfeld?
And then there's John McCain, hard at work lying, obfuscating and pursuing his disgraceful retreat from his previous position on Don't Ask Don't Tell. What will you bet that one of the Wikileaks documents outs McCain as a dress-wearing, self-hating drag queen?
And then there's the NRA, suing Texas (Texas, for Christ's sake) over the right of 18 year olds to carry concealed weapons. Currently in Texas you must be 21. I suppose there is some logic here. At least teenaged Texans will have three years to get used to carrying guns before they're old enough to carry one into a bar. Honestly, the level of irresponsibly fostered by organizations with more money than brains is disheartening.
And then there's the newest low in reality television..."Brideplasty". Yes folks; just when you thought women couldn't debase themselves any further we have a competition among engaged women to win liposuction, breast augmentations and eye tucks. Aside: Why has the Italian Anti-defamation League yelled themselves hoarse about The Godfather and remained silent about Jersey Shore? Talk about defamation! It's like an Italian minstrel show. Back to reality.
So what's next, "Cramp Champ"? A competition to see who has the worst periods? How about "The Big O"? or "Who Wants to Give A Hummer?"(Hint..no automobiles are involved.)
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