Dateline:
Wednesday, November 3, 2010. 729 days until the 2012 election.
If you look hard enough, there's a lot to love about Tuesday's election. Lemonade still comes from lemons and elephant droppings can still make the flowers grow. You don't need Annie to tell you the sun will come out tomorrow. Some folks are happy already. John Boehner's coloring is just a little brighter this morning. The people of Arkansas, West Virginia, and Wisconsin are enjoying their 15 minutes of glory. On Thursday it's back to fly-over status for you. They know that the only time anyone will give a rat's ass about their state is if one of their college teams cracks the top ten or someone shoots up a 7-11.
Besides, we've heard this tune before. The cardinal archbishops of ex-presidents, i.e. Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton, both suffered big losses in their first midterms. It only makes sense. You run on a platform of making things better. When things don't get noticeably better (in the first twenty minutes after the inauguration) the country rebels and wants to punish your party. Incumbents suffer because decisions they made are easily attacked...usually by people who have never been called on to make the same decisions. Voila! Behold the tsunami.
However, the really good news is that after two years of Fox News telling the country how angry it is and how any bag of doorknobs would be better than the Democrats, many Americans were able to resist. After all, nothing could be so bad that Christine O'Donnell looks good. Exactly how far do you have to fall before this woman looks like your salvation? Apparently 40% of Delaware feels they've fallen that far. Good news: 40% is not 51%. Bad news: 40% is awfully close to the ledge. If this were a message it was a dangerous one. If you view a vote for Christine as a "no" vote, the medicine goes down a bit easier.
There was good news in Nevada also, where the people weren't quite ready to gamble on a woman who treats reporters like head lice. In a race where Harry Reid's Senate seat was as vulnerable as an unattended stack of chips at the Mirage, the GOP went all in on Sharron Angle ..and crapped out. It appears that the people of Nevada would rather hang with a 23 year Senate veteran as opposed to a woman who sees poultry as legal tender. Imagine, a state with a 14% unemployment rate coming to the conclusion that a little healthcare might be a good idea. Startling!
True, the Senate will still be blessed with Rand Paul but compared to the Real Housewives of Whackadoo County he looks somewhat rational. Anyway, it's not like Kentucky was a hotbed of progressive activism. Kentucky's idea of liberal is allowing black basketball players into Adolph Rupp Arena. Any Democratic victory there would be a gift.
Someone will have to explain West Virginia to me. Must be the miners unions. By all rights WV should be about as Democratic as South Carolina. The fact that Joe Manchin was able to capture the seat formerly occupied by Robert Byrd is a mystery. There might have been a time when legacy mattered but the good people of Massachusetts drove a spike into that idea in 2009. (See headline "Scott Brown Claims Throne of Ted Kennedy".) Whatever the reason, the great state of West Virginia will continue to have two, count them two, Democratic Senators. (They also have two of the three House Members.)
For those of you with fun in your hearts, the Senate has maintained some of its wacky, laugh-a- minute cast of characters. Bernie Sanders, America's only true Socialist, will be doing another six years as Senator from the Peoples Republic of Vermont. David Vitter is returning as Senator from Louisiana, proving once again the "live little boy/dead woman" axiom made famous by Edwin Edwards. Vitter was outed as a regular customer of a D.C. madam way back in 2007. But hey, what's a little prostitution among friends? It's not like he didn't pay for the services.Following in the grand tradition of William Jefferson (he of the cold cash) and David Duke (Klan candidate in 1988 and '92) Vitter proves once again that, in Louisiana, a little mud on your skirts is no impediment to high office. Elliott Spitzer only wishes he'd run for Governor in a state with such a "liberal" attitude.
And so we move forward. Having made a hash out of being the winners, Democrats will now take a crack trying to influence policy rather than craft it. Republicans on the other hand, are in the "be careful what you wish for" position. If the economy improves (Fox will certainly tell America the improvement has started) the GOP will benefit. If not we'll be back here in two years with the added joy of a Presidential race. So stay tuned boys and girls. The first episode of "Survivor, 2012" should start any day. We know you can see Russia from Alaska but can you see Alaska from Iowa?
Showing posts with label John Boehner. Show all posts
Showing posts with label John Boehner. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
Saturday, June 19, 2010
...or do we need more proof that dinosaurs and Joe Barton roamed the earth at the same time?
Folks in Oklahoma say the only good thing to come out of Texas is Interstate 40. That's not entirely true. Texas and its Texicans are also responsible for some of the stupidest, absurd and tone-deaf statements ever uttered in the history of political discourse. Think Governor Perry and his interest in secession.Why should you be surprised? 38% of Texans believe that man was created by God in pretty much his present form. More than half of them refuse to believe that humans evolved from other animals. (All the more amazing considering the knuckle-draggers that compose the U. of T. football team.) A stirring 31% (that's a third for you Texans) think that men rode around on dinosaurs. Lewis Black suggested that Texas schools should teach students that The Flintstones is not a documentary.
It should therefore come as no surprise that the people of Texas would elect as one of their representatives to Congress, this month's nominee for Asshat of the Year, Joe Barton. Joe comes to us from the sixth Congressional District, a lovely swath of nothing that gerry-meanders south and east of Dallas. Since 1984, when he replaced another Mensa candidate Phil Gramm, Joe has distinguished himself in two areas: he has sucked up more oil company money than Hugo Chavez and, (surprise, surprise) he has been a continuous speed bump on the road to energy independence and climate change legislation.
Normally his record of obstructionism would simply relegate Congressman Barton to the historical landfill to keep company with 200 years of other Republicans bought and paid for by mining companies, refinery operators, chemical manufacturers and other polluters and plunderers. However, Congressman Barton wasn't content to sit on the sidelines and reinforce our opinion of flat-earth certainists. Joe felt the need to grab the microphone on the morning of Thursday, June 17th and ensure his legacy as the worst toady for big business since the industrial revolution.
Joe Barton stood up before God, everybody and Tony Hayward, CEO of British Petroleum, and apologized for the cruel and heartless way the Obama Administration has treated our oil company brothers. He lambasted the President for "shaking down" those poor, pure-hearted victims at BP who, after all, are as blameless as the pelicans and the shrimp in the Gulf. Drilling with untested methods at depths where accidents are virtually unfixable, sacrificing safety for speed (and profit) were all just regrettable mistakes. They said they were sorry. What more do we need?
Fortunately, America was spared Joe Barton's presence in Congress on Dec 8th. 1941. "Mr. Speaker, I rise today to condemn President Roosevelt's disgraceful response to the accidental discharge of military munitions on the Islands of Hawaii by the benevolent Empire of Japan. A declaration of war is clearly an overreaction to what was, without question, a miscalculation on the part of Japanese naval and air force personnel. The United States should apologize to the Japanese Government for attempting to shoot down Imperial planes who were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time." Of course this little flight of fancy presupposes the Japanese had been major campaign contributors.
The silver lining in Joe Barton's cloud is that we have, at long last, discovered the outer limits of Republican stupidity. The holy trinity of right-wing nuttiness, Sarah, Rush and Glenn, have been speechless. Even his own party has thrown Joe under the natural gas-powered bus. Joe Bonner, Republican of Alabama, called Congressman Barton's comments "stupid and insensitive" OUCH! When the guy from Alabama calls you stupid, that leaves a mark.
Faster than you can say drill baby drill, John Boehner and Eric Cantor were in Barton's office explaining the political facts of life to him. Boehner and Cantor are what pass for the brain trust in the GOP. They suggested an immediate un-apology to BP and a new apology to every man, woman, and child in Louisiana. Failure to comply would result in Joe being reassigned to a committee investigating the average depth and breath of cow pies in West Texas. Having stepped in one the size of Dallas, Mr. Barton would be something of an expert.
It should therefore come as no surprise that the people of Texas would elect as one of their representatives to Congress, this month's nominee for Asshat of the Year, Joe Barton. Joe comes to us from the sixth Congressional District, a lovely swath of nothing that gerry-meanders south and east of Dallas. Since 1984, when he replaced another Mensa candidate Phil Gramm, Joe has distinguished himself in two areas: he has sucked up more oil company money than Hugo Chavez and, (surprise, surprise) he has been a continuous speed bump on the road to energy independence and climate change legislation.
Normally his record of obstructionism would simply relegate Congressman Barton to the historical landfill to keep company with 200 years of other Republicans bought and paid for by mining companies, refinery operators, chemical manufacturers and other polluters and plunderers. However, Congressman Barton wasn't content to sit on the sidelines and reinforce our opinion of flat-earth certainists. Joe felt the need to grab the microphone on the morning of Thursday, June 17th and ensure his legacy as the worst toady for big business since the industrial revolution.
Joe Barton stood up before God, everybody and Tony Hayward, CEO of British Petroleum, and apologized for the cruel and heartless way the Obama Administration has treated our oil company brothers. He lambasted the President for "shaking down" those poor, pure-hearted victims at BP who, after all, are as blameless as the pelicans and the shrimp in the Gulf. Drilling with untested methods at depths where accidents are virtually unfixable, sacrificing safety for speed (and profit) were all just regrettable mistakes. They said they were sorry. What more do we need?
Fortunately, America was spared Joe Barton's presence in Congress on Dec 8th. 1941. "Mr. Speaker, I rise today to condemn President Roosevelt's disgraceful response to the accidental discharge of military munitions on the Islands of Hawaii by the benevolent Empire of Japan. A declaration of war is clearly an overreaction to what was, without question, a miscalculation on the part of Japanese naval and air force personnel. The United States should apologize to the Japanese Government for attempting to shoot down Imperial planes who were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time." Of course this little flight of fancy presupposes the Japanese had been major campaign contributors.
The silver lining in Joe Barton's cloud is that we have, at long last, discovered the outer limits of Republican stupidity. The holy trinity of right-wing nuttiness, Sarah, Rush and Glenn, have been speechless. Even his own party has thrown Joe under the natural gas-powered bus. Joe Bonner, Republican of Alabama, called Congressman Barton's comments "stupid and insensitive" OUCH! When the guy from Alabama calls you stupid, that leaves a mark.
Faster than you can say drill baby drill, John Boehner and Eric Cantor were in Barton's office explaining the political facts of life to him. Boehner and Cantor are what pass for the brain trust in the GOP. They suggested an immediate un-apology to BP and a new apology to every man, woman, and child in Louisiana. Failure to comply would result in Joe being reassigned to a committee investigating the average depth and breath of cow pies in West Texas. Having stepped in one the size of Dallas, Mr. Barton would be something of an expert.
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