I'm sure if we asked them nicely, they'd go. After all, Texans don't appear very happy with their current national affiliation. Statehood seems not to their liking. Too many regulations. Too many taxes. Too few guns. If state's rights is such an important issue to Texas, maybe we could arrange for the ultimate state right: you can be your own country.
This particular rant comes in response to the recent book written by Texas' own Governor Rick Perry. It appears Gov. Perry has his Texas-sized knickers in a bunch over the endless stream of regulations, orders and no-so-subtle requests emanating from Washington, District of Columbia.
The Governor believes that each state ought to have maximum sovereignty over how its citizens comport themselves. If Texans want to stop on green and go on red, who's to tell them otherwise? OK Texas, you're on your own.
This isn't as crazy as it sounds. If Texas is a sovereign state, illegals would have to cross an additional 790 miles to reach the United States. Oklahoma would be a border state and therefore have something else to worry about aside from Sharia law. Jerry Jones, owner of the Dallas Cowboys, would be just another annoying foreigner. College students who have trouble paying for studies abroad could study at UT, Austin. The Mexican drug cartels could cross the border into the Democratic Republic of Texas without worrying about the displeasure of the U.S. Army. Texas could execute as many prisoners as they wish without spoil-sport documents like the Constitution ruining the fun. Hell, they wouldn't even need trials...stupid waste of money anyway.
Rick Perry, Texas' current governor, could declare himself king or czar or sheriff. He could pass laws ensuring that every citizen went armed all the time. He could abolish helmet laws, drinking age limits, seatbelts, traffic lights, speed limits and protect every citizen's right to salt the bejeeses out of his food. No more Washington to tell honest, God-fearing Texans how to live. FDA? Who needs it? Dept. of Education? Not on your life. We here in Texas believe in creationism. Climate change? Not in the Lone Star State. Down here we have two seasons: hot and hotter.
Of course without the annual handout from Uncle Sam (Texas sends the federal government about .83 cents for every dollar going the other way) Texas would need to create a state income tax. Whatever minimal infrastructure needs might arise, such as repairing the Texas portion of I-10 or I-20 or I-30 would require Texans to pony up. Texas would need its own army and navy to keep those nasty Latinos on their side of the border and of course, responsibility for border security would fall to them. No more federal subsidies for cattle ranchers or farmers and no more Pell Grants or subsidies for the university system.
The rest of America would lose something also. The colleges of the U.S. would need to rely almost exclusively on Pennsylvania, Ohio and California for high school football players. Cowboy boots might no longer be a fashion statement. Textbooks for America's schools would be crafted by moderate educators whose agenda isn't Christian, right-wing ideology. In other words: smart people. Also America will lose that irritating whine that emerges from the South every time an attempt is made to improve the quality of life in the country. Now if only we could jettison South Carolina.
Be careful what you wish for, Governor Perry. Secession might play well with the Smith & Wesson set but in the end you'll discover that having a federal government to blame for everything is a whole lot better than having everyone pointing at you. A little less salt is a small price to pay for all that federal sugar.
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