Reasons to move to France:
The smiling Salahis, Tareq and Michaele, fresh from their gig as uninvited guests at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., are getting what they always wanted: their 14.5 minutes of fame. In keeping with America's tradition of rewarding moronic behavior, these celebrity wanna-be's will get to make the rounds of the oatmeal circuit and, who knows, maybe Oprah. Forgotten are the myriad Secret Service agents who will certainly be either fired or shipped to Waserastan thanks to these two clowns. Bumper stickers are now being printed for all Secret Service cars which read "A tux and a pretty wife only gets you into the White House if you're elected".
The only possible purpose these nobodies could serve is to waltz into Tiger Woods' gated community and attempt to discover why Tiger's wife smashed the back window of his SUV in an attempt to extricate him from the driver's seat.
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A New York City high school teacher is suing the Board of Ed for injuries sustained as a result of slipping on the free condoms distributed to the students. The lawsuit, filed by Karen Hollender, allows for several lines of inquiry: 1) Should additional class-time be devoted to how condoms are used and disposed of without the use of bananas? 2) Do students believe that condoms and banana peels are similar? or, 3) Is the promiscuity level so high at some schools that, just the distribution of condoms causes a flurry of sexual activity in the hallways? We may never know.
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Much is being made of a "suggestive, overtly sexual" performance rendered by Adam Lambert at the American Music Awards last month. Beyond the usual questions about what is appropriate for network television and how far is too far, one needs to address the key question in the debate...Who the f**k is Adam Lambert?
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Sarah Palin's "memoir" (by this definition Ian Flemming's James Bond books were memoirs) has passed the 500,000 mark in sales. However, before you renew your passport and buy that one-way ticket to Charles de Gaulle Airport, remember that America bought 400,000 copies of Bill Clinton's "My Life" not to mention millions of pet rocks, mood rings and Donna Fargo's "Happiest Girl in the Whole USA". I understand that a copy of Sarah's books will now be given away free with the purchase of "Jingle Bells" as performed by the Barking Dogs. We're such children.
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In for a penny, in for a pound.
Determined to regain their 13th Century status as a temporal power, the Catholic Church in the United States is attempting to use whatever clout they have left to influence the pending healthcare legislation. Unable to persuade American Catholics that: condoms are evil, stem cell research is the devil's business, your living will is irrelevant and, of course, a woman has no right to choose; the Vatican's Men in Black are trying their luck in Congress. We wish them the best of luck.
If successful, the bishops will move on to civil law and attempt to prohibit law suits against pedophile priests.
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