...or is stupid not only incurable but untreatable?

Paging Governor Jindal.

The man who suggested that Republicans stop treating stupidity as though it were an elective at Liberty University, must be hiding in the swamps of Louisiana. The following tidbits have been gleaned from the media in just the last few weeks. Please understand that I'm not making this stuff up. Actually you couldn't make this stuff up. Tragically, Americans are electing these people to make their laws.  I wouldn't let these guys make me a gin and tonic.

Our first candidate for the "you couldn't be this dumb" award (also known as the Todd Akin Asshat Trophy) is Stacy Campfield, Republican member of the Tennessee Senate. In a recent interview with Sirius radio's Michelangelo Signorile, State Senator Campfield told the world "Most people realize that AIDS came from the homosexual community. It was one guy screwing a monkey, if I recall correctly and then having sex with men. It was an airline pilot, if I recall. My understanding is that it's virtually - not completely but virtually impossible to contract AIDS through heterosexual sex." There's more but I'm getting light headed.  Mr. Campfield may have set the modern record for having crammed the most misinformation, hateful lies and just plain bullshit into just four sentences. Note: The former record holder was Dick Cheney in his discussion of the Iraq War.

Brother Stacy's "humping the chimps" theory is the natural outgrowth of a lifetime of gay-bashing. He has introduced countless anti-gay measures before both houses of the Tennessee legislature. He is famous for his "don't say gay" laws which forbid the mention of homosexuality in public schools. He has proposed that students' questions regarding gays be answered only privately by teachers and then reported to the student's parents. (If the teachers in Tennessee are as poorly informed as Mr. Campfield, perhaps they should avoid the subject altogether.) Campfield is a product of Regents College, whose mascot is a caveman riding a tyrannosaurus rex. These people think the Flintstones is a documentary. (Thank you, Louis Black.) Mr. Campfield apparently thinks that the Almighty put him on the earth to smite the mo's. Nevertheless, I'll eat my computer if old Stacy doesn't have a few silk kimonos tucked away in his closet. Guys who yell this loud are positively hiding a drawer full of satin thongs.  Don't get in an accident, Senator Campfield.

Next on our dais is the Republican National Committee, fresh from their spring meeting in Los Angeles. The RNC met in LA so that they could spend a few days trying to peddle their message to the Hollywood crowd. As you may have noticed, the ranks of celebrities who support the GOP is a bit thin on the ground. Aside from stand-up comedians Dennis Miller and Clint Eastwood, the majority of the film industry heavies lean more to the left. Thus far the effort has been disappointing. Converts thusfar include the "Can you hear me now?" guy from the Verizon ads and two of the chorus boys from the "Springtime For Hitler" number in The Producers.

Perhaps the effort to woo the movie folk would be more successful if the RNC didn't insist on the circular firing squad approach to social policy. During their recent meeting they bravely passed a resolution reaffirming their commitment to the definition of marriage as a union between a man and a woman. WOW! talk about a bold step to broaden the base. Who says the RNC is a bunch of crabby old white men? These guys are visionaries. They might even be ready to repeal prohibition, or condemn segregation.

This isn't your father's Republican Party. It's more like your great grandfather's Republican Party. Why would a political organization, especially one with calcification issues, take a wholly unnecessary position on an issue clearly trending in the other direction? The Committee was apparently frightened by social conservatives who threatened to abandon the Party if  the members showed any softening on this issue. (The conservatives contacted the RNC using their rotary-dial phones and parchment stationary. None of that new-fangled tech stuff for them.)

The RNC was sufficiently impressed by the threat that they produced not one but three resolutions on the subject: They reaffirmed the RNC's support for heterosexual marriage; they then urged the Supreme Court to uphold the federal Defense of Marriage Act and Proposition 8, California's homophobic gay marriage ban; (Fortunately, this petition is expected to have the same effect as petitioning the moon to orbit the earth more quickly.); and finally they reconfirmed the "core values" of their 2012 platform that served Mitt Romney so well. This last resolution was championed by Michigan's Dave Agema. Dave caused a stir when he posted a note on his Facebook page referencing the "filthy lifestyle of homosexuals. I can't decide which is more shocking: that this asshat has a Facebook page or that he knows any homosexuals at all let alone filthy ones. All the gays I know are fanatical neat freaks.

Who says you can't polish a turd? The RNC is proving that the best way forward is to go backward. You have to admire rats swimming toward a sinking ship. There's a lot less traffic going in their direction. Still it's difficult to understand how the Republicans expect to win the political races in 2014 and 2016 if they insist on shooting themselves in the foot with the starter's pistol.  Their original mantra of low taxes and small government still has appeal. However, if you insist on shovelling manure on your message in the hope that it will grow, don't be surprised if the smell drives potential converts away. Remember, the Obama-haters will be neutralize in 2016 and those old white men that make up your base are leaving with greater and greater frequency to join a new group, namely the choir invisible (aka, the dead).  Note to Rance Priebus: resolutions in defence of marriage don't make you look principled... they make you look ossified...sort of like Clint Eastwood.

And finally, what listing of dumb Republicans would be complete without a word or two from East Texas? That delightful slice of America that brought you Louie Gomert has also contributed Steve Stockman. Determined to look every bit as clueless as his brother East Texas Republicans, Steve has authored a new bumper sticker, to wit, "If babies had guns they wouldn't be aborted". Pretty hard to argue with that logic. It is expected that the Congressman will receive considerable campaign contributions from the "Firearms For Fetuses" organization and the unborn wing of the NRA. Mr. Stockman has not made it clear exactly how he plans to smuggle weapons into America's wombs but the guns will need to be really small. Seriously, is there the slightest chance that Mexico would consider annexing East Texas? We could promise to take the drug cartels. I honestly believe they would do less harm.