OK, what'd I miss?
It's been almost two months since last we spoke. In that time forty-three Republican presidential candidates have come and gone. When you look at the stage during any one of the recent debates, all you can see is Haley Joel Osment saying "I see dead people". Strangely though, the dead people aren't the same from week to week. The GOP has more personalities than Sybil and, like Sybil, most are bats**t crazy.
The flavor du jour is Newt Gingrich. Unlike his competitors, about whom one hears good and bad, the feelings about Gingrich are universal...everyone and I mean everyone hates him. Former Republican Congressmen who served during Newt's reign as Speaker in the 90's would rather support Dennis Kucinich. Should Gingrich be nominated, rank and file GOP strategists are already developing a Plan B. It's called "Christie 2016".
Gingrich has a political and personal past that would keep Danielle Steele in business for twenty years. The man had to open a branch closet to accommodate all the skeletons. He is running with more baggage than a porter on the Queen Mary. O. J. Simpson is sitting in a jail cell saying "Jeez maybe I could run".
Most of America has previewed the highlights. As a womanizing philanderer (three marriages, two affairs) he makes Bill Clinton look like a Trappist Monk. As a political leader, he allowed the government to be shut down and fled the House on the heels of an ethics scandal that came close to expulsion-worthy. His mea culpa (sort of) goes like this "I've made mistakes..." No kidding. If Newt were an entertainer he'd be Lindsey Lohan.
But you don't need to revisit Newt's past to find reasons to be repelled. His recent pronouncements are just as troubling. During a recent visit to that Fifth Ave. kingmaker Donald Trump (what's with that?) Gingrich allowed that poor kids (read, poor black kids) grow up in environments where no one goes to work. He suggested that these tykes be hired to scour toilets and mop floors as a way of learning a work ethic. No doubt they will also acquire the skills that will serve them well in the only career for which they are culturally suited. Newt stopped short of including tap dancing in his curriculum.
Forget the blatant racism and the incredible insensitivity inherent in this "plan". Ask yourself what sort of candidate for national office would say something so offensive? Seriously, would Mitt Romney talk like this? Would George H.W. Bush? Or the sainted Ronald W. Reagan? Hell GWB wouldn't say something so crazy and he was off the reservation 75% of the time. It's not that Newt Gingrich isn't mentally stable enough to be president. He's not mentally stable enough to be president of North Korea. (A job which recently became available.)
The mere fact that Gingrich is leading in the current polls speaks volumes about the present state of affairs in the Grand Old Party. They don't just want to crush Barack Obama, they want to send a message to the world that his liberal policies have been completely and thoroughly rejected by America. We are a Christian, heterosexual, white (except for John Boehner and Donald Trump), native born (no Kenyans please) country and the election of the current President was a horrible aberration. The opinions of Republicans will forever remain unaltered by facts. Barack Obama is a socialist, a gun hater, an appeaser of Muslims, an anti-business redistributor of wealth and a class warrior. These teabaggers are uninterested in listening to any information that contradicts these unshakable truths..so help me Rush.
Tragically, this rabid anti-Obama bile is driving normal Republicans (all 12 of them) to the fringes. So, with a nod to Jeff Foxworthy: If Newt Gingrich looks like a reasonable alternative to Michele Bachmann, you just might be a teabagger. If you think Rick Perry's lack of ability to form complete sentences is part of his charm, you just might be a teabagger. If you're eagerly awaiting Rick Santorum's big moment, you just might be a teabagger. If you think Mitt Romney is the reincarnation of Ted Kennedy, you just might be a teabagger. And finally, if you're content to get all of your nuanced political opinions from Fox News...you are a teabagger...and an asshat.
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