...or is France still a great place...except for the French?

What to do? How to feel?

The French have always been like a woman with the looks of a goddess and the personality of Donald Trump. When you think about them, it is always with fondness and longing but three minutes in their presence is enough to encourage thoughts of self immolation. We love them but we hate them. Ever since DeGaulle kicked our troops out in 1966 (showing a rather ungracious attitude toward the country that ensured Frenchmen would not grow up speaking German) France has been a pain in the ass. They recognized Mao in China in 1964 (How hard was that? His puss was all over everything). They built atomic weapons and pointed one at us. Now that's just rude. Anyway, the point is that, like your annoying cousin Mildred, the French will always be around.

Truth be told the French have been behaving rather well these last few years. Under the small but deft hands of Nicolas Sarkozy (accent on the "y" please!) our beret-wearing ally has actually performed like, well, an ally. Now, however, the French have abandoned the creation of diplomatic headaches for philosophical ones. Thanks to a law championed by President Sarkozy, Muslim women will no longer be permitted to wear the traditional (and religiously required) burqa in public places. For those not up on their Muslim fashion, the burqa is a full length veil similar to a table cloth which covers everything but the eyes. The look says "Cousin It". Burqas are to be distinguished from the hijab which covers all but the face and hands. To ban the hijab would cause a conflict with the six or so nuns still wearing the habit. Imparting all the sex appeal of an army blanket, the burqa is apparently designed to help control the hormones of Muslim men. (One wonders how they respond to those lingerie ads in the Paris Metro stations.)

Sarkozy's logic is that the burqa imprisons women and has no place in a secular society that values dignity and equality. (The idea that any society that reveres Jerry Lewis and Sly Stallone can lay claim to any dignity whatever is a conversation for another time.) Muslims currently comprise about 7.5% of the French population but, thanks to a delightful proclivity for reproduction, that figure is projected to be over 10% by 2030. The French are concerned. Muslims do not acclimate well. They tend to live isolated lives out of the mainstream of most of the countries to which they emigrate. They are also noisy. They want everyone to acknowledge their culture and their peculiar laws, like stoning and honor-killing. The French, with some justification, believe that, if you move to my country you should make an effort to blend. By the second or third generation you should smoke, take your dog to restaurants, and look down your nose at everyone else, just like any good (annoying) Frog.

So class, the question for today is: Do you favor the French ban on burqas (a vote for women's rights) or do you favor a woman's right to be enslaved (a vote for women's rights)? Having polled the staff of isitjustme the vote was a narrow 1-0 in opposition to the burqa ban. There's just something about the state arbitrarily deciding what you can and cannot wear. Yes, the state already demands a degree of decency and there should be a law against most of the outfits women wear to Walmart, nevertheless the French law feels a little bigoted and a little provocative. No one has told the Catholics to stop wearing crosses and the Jews are still permitted their yarmulkes. Only Muslims have been singled out as sartorially unacceptable.

If Muslim women want to be free of their religiously imposed second class citizenship, they should not look to Nicolas Sarkozy for liberation. You're in Paris in 2011 not Baghdad in 980. Take the damn thing off and tell your goat-fornicating husband to take a flying leap off a minaret if he doesn't like it. Tell him he can can start eating at McDonald's House of Kabobs and getting his nookie at the local sheep pen. If you want to be treated like chattel that's your right. One article of clothing won't change that. But if you want to join the rest of us in the 21st century, throw off the burqa and walk in the sun. But for God's sake wear sunscreen and clean undies.