Saturday, October 31, 2009

...or is your plagiarism, my research?

Things shamelessly stolen from other media (sort of like CNN.com).

Item

No doubt you've read about the Fairfax, Virginia man who was arrested for standing in front of his kitchen window au natural. The Fairfax cops showed up in full gear brandishing a taser (one can only imagine where it was pointed) and placed the pervert, Eric Williamson, in cuffs. In that Mr. Williamson had no criminal record and no complaints had ever been filed, why didn't the cops let him go with a slap on the wrist (or some other more appropriate body part)? The answer might be that the initial complaint was made by a cop's wife. Why she felt the need to stare into Mr. Williamson's kitchen window with her 7 year old son is unclear. Had the sexes been reversed the window gawker would certainly have been arrested as a peeper.


Fortunately, the Fairfax County prosecutor appears reluctant to prosecute. That's good for Mr. Williamson in that he would face a year in jail as well as a permanent scarlet letter as a sex offender. On the plus side, he would save a fortune in candy come Halloween.



____________________________________________________________________


Item


Explain to me again why police officers are required to carry their sidearms off duty.

A Baltimore cop was arrested last week for pointing his gun at a costumed Halloween character in a haunted house. Sgt. Eric Janik (presumably now "former" Sgt. Eric Janik) drew and aimed his off duty pistol at Michael Morrison who was dressed as a character from the Texas Chain Saw Massacre. Mr. Morrison was armed with a chainless chain saw. Witnesses said that Sgt. Janik appeared to be extremely drunk. Shocker!

Authorities strongly advise anyone cruising Baltimore in late November dressed as a turkey to avoid the Janik neighborhood.



____________________________________________________________________


Item


Several large stores withdrew an offensive Halloween costume from the shelves this year but for the life of me I can't understand why. The costume, called illegal alien, consisted of a space alien mask, a prison jump suit and a green card. Honestly, some people have no sense of humor.



____________________________________________________________________


Item


An Italian couple sued the owners of a cruise line for $4,500 claiming they had not been told that the cruise they booked was designed entirely for gay couples. One wonders exactly when they figured it out. Didn't they notice all the matching luggage? As the only straight couple on board (no mention was made as to the sexual proclivity of the crew), the pair felt "uncomfortable and embarrassed". Anyway it wasn't a total loss. The couple developed a real taste for Barbara Streisand.

No comments: