Meleanie Hain gained fame and praise from the National Rifle Assoc. for openly toting a Glok 26 automatic pistol to her daughter's soccer game in Sept. 2008. She was seen by the gun-happy champions of the Second Amendment as a shining example of every American's right to bear arms. Ms. Hain made the news again last week, as the victim of a murder-suicide by firearm. Hain was found dead along with her estranged husband Scott who is the presumed shooter. The couple had three children. Comment from the NRA is apparently lost in the mail.
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Recently in the news was Luis Armando Pena Soltren, who turned himself in to authorities and confessed to his role in the 1968 hijacking of Pan Am flight 281 to Cuba. Although the arrival of his flight in Havana was cheered by Fidel & Co., his celebrity was short lived. For his troubles, Mr. Soltren got to spend the next 40 years as a field hand. Do those commies know how to say thanks or what? Soltren volunteered that next time he hijacks a plane he will fly it to Alaska and sell it on ebay.
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A father in Peoria, Arizona was troubled that his 20-year daughter was becoming "too westernized" and not living her life according to the family's Iraqi traditions. To emphasize his concerns, Mr. Falah Hassan Almaleki approached his daughter, Noor Falah Almaleki, and her friend in a parking lot with his Jeep Grand Cherokee and ran them over. The daughter is in critical condition and the friend is serious. Mr. Almaleki is at large but authorities are anxious to ask him how he thought the grill of a sport utility vehicle would instill Islamic values in his wayward daughter. Of equal importance is why he would relocate to a country whose values and lifestyle make him a homicidal moron?
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Playboy Magazine, in a last desperate effort to reverse its slide into irrelevancy, has announced that its Christmas issue will feature a cover illustration of Marge Simpson au natural. All attempts to elicit comment from Betty Boop and Olive Oil have thusfar gone for naught. Should this pathetic cry for renewed hipness fail, the magazine will proceed with plan B which includes: a nude pictorial of The Women of Medicare and, a photo spread of Hugh Heffner's latest party at the mansion featuring Heff having sex with the donut dollies of WWII
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People seeking self-actualization, contact with their inner child or any other self-help claptrap would be well advised to steer clear of "The Sweat Lodge of James Arthur Ray". The death of Liz Neuman, guest at Mr Ray's $9,000, two day spiritual retreat brings to three the number who have died at the hands of the Sedona, Arizona, self help wizard. It seems that the victims were crammed into the sweat lodge in order to purge their bodies. The unfortunate three had their bodies purged of their lives.
There's nothing funny about the tragic deaths of three human beings but seriously, what's wrong with us? We could fill a concert hall with the Deepak Chopra's and M Scott Peck's; all self-help millionaires just bursting to tell you how to fix yourself. Ever wonder why all those guys are smiling? They know that P.T. Barnum was wrong. There's a sucker born every ten seconds. This is not to suggest that the three sad souls in Arizona deserved what they got or, that groups like ALANON and AA don't do fantastic work. This is only to suggest that, before you put your emotional, spiritual or financial well-being in the hands of some capped-tooth, fast talking con man you saw on TV maybe you should 1) talk to a friend, 2) talk to a parent or 3) talk to a priest. Hell, unless your problem is alcohol, talk to a bartender. At least he won't put you in a sweat lodge.
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