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Pope Benedict XVI has been expressing concern at the level of abuse he's received over the attempted reconciliation between the RCC and the Pius X Society, represented by the always lively Bishop Richard Williamson. His Holiness swears he was totally unaware of Bishop Williamson's rather novel view on world history circa 1936 through 1945. Williamson's take on the Holocaust is "much to-do about not much".Critics of the Church are incredulous that the Holy See was oblivious to the opinions of Bishop Williamson. Rome was advised that a simple Google search would have produced all the necessary information.
Tragically, the Vicar of Christ appears technologically challenged. Ask him anything about the teaching in the Baltimore Catechism and he can recite for hours. On the subject of obscure ecclesiastic texts, he'll bring tears to your eyes. However, put him in front of a computer and he can't tell a mouse pad from a patten. He believes that a cursor should clean up his language and go to confession(rim shot!). The rest of the Vatican isn't much better. It took the entire Roman Curia two days to replace the toner in the only printer in St. Peters.
Clearly the Church is due for an IT upgrade. Some suggestions for improving the technology of Catholicism include: online confession with written penances (see how you like typing out the Our Father ten times); mite boxes that can be filled by paypal; a photoshop app that puts ashes on your facebook photo. The possibilities are endless. Papal elections can be held without flying all those elderly Cardinals to Rome. Just have them log in to a secure web site, similar to the way they vote on American Idol. Sadly, some legacy issues will remain. Someone will still have to send up the black and white smoke. The Church might also consider virtual pilgrimages. With just a few chicks of a mouse you too could be on your knees at Fatima or Lourdes and get started on a cure for what ails you.
Regardless of how the Holy See chooses to update the technology, we shouldn't be looking for a online dating service for priests any time soon.
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In other ecclesiastic news, the Catholic Church has reinvigorated the concept of indulgences. For those of you raised in religions other than the RCC, an indulgence is a partial or complete reduction of your time in purgatory. To attempt a more detailed explanation would be pointless. If you need more info, search Google.
The only thing you really need to know about indulgences is that the concept of selling them to rich and powerful Catholics (a common practice in Medieval times) caused Martin Luther to decorate the Cathedral in Wittenberg, Germany in 1517.
How Catholics get to heaven is of no particular interest to the other 75% of America who listen to voices other than Benedict XVI. What is interesting is the bigger picture, namely the seemingly perverse desire on the part of the Catholic Church to make headlines. Seriously, when was the last time you read a newspaper story about Methodists or Lutherans? Aside from the recent controversy on gay bishops affecting Presbyterians and the recent flap over Mormon crickets, no other Christian group appears interested in stories above the fold. Whether it's denying Communion to proponents of abortion or prohibiting gays from meeting in Church halls, the Catholics are media crazy. Each time the Pope steps in front of a microphone or picks up a pen, someone is getting their theological knickers in a wad. Who's doing PR at the Vatican, Amy Winehouse? It's religion, not Praying With The Stars.
Late breaking news. Live from Yaounde, Cameroon...the Pope has explained to sub-Sahara Africa, home to 22 million HIV infected people, that condoms are not the answer. Quod erat demonstrandum.
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