Let us all take a minute and bow our heads in memory of John McCain's Straight Talk Express. The vehicle that became a symbol of "no more politics as usual" has officially run into a ditch and been abandoned. The dents are too numerous to fix. The paint has peeled away, exposing cancerous rust. The engine, once a potent force, now coughs and sputters like the organ that pumps Dick Chenney's blood. (Why does calling it a "heart" seem so inappropriate?)
We knew the old girl was in trouble when her driver began supporting legislation and policies that he had opposed for most of his political career: tax reductions, drilling for oil in the ANWR, constitutional amendments on marriage, torture and his views on Jerry Falwell. Each of these changes in direction has inflicted serious damage to the steering capability of the bus. The net effect has been that, at this point, no one knows what course the Straight Talk Express is taking. One thing is clear, however; the vehicle has developed a pronounced lurch to the right.
Remember when the old bus was new? It was Feb, 2000 and there was John "Straight Talk" McCain holding court for a small army of reporters. John would go on for hours talking about how America was focused on the wrong issues. There were real enemies out there and we were electing presidential candidates based on prayer in schools and gay marriage. McCain even tackled tough issues like immagration. But, that was a simpler time. A time before the South Carolina primary when McCain realized that pandering to the neocon right was the only road to Pennsylvania Ave.
The STE has logged a lot of miles since 2000 and it's definitely showing its age. When McCain won the Republican nomination the bus appeared ready for one final tour. The candidate promised to discard the fear and smear politics that have become the road map to victory for the GOP. This campaign was to be run on the issues. No personal attacks or dirty tricks. No bumping the other guy when the judges weren't looking. Alas, it was not to be.
This week, McCain's opponent unveiled a modest plan for reducing America's addiction to gasoline. Among those measures was a reminder to drivers that they can reduce fuel consumption by keeping their tires inflated. Hardly a panacea but it had the virtue of being something that we could do today. Americans could shake off the feeling of helplessness and hopelessness by merely adding a few psi to their tires.
Rather than offer an alternative solution, Senator McCain immediately belittled the idea. "We will not reduce America's dependence on foreign oil by inflating our tires." Had this been 1943 one can hear McCain say, "We will not defeat Nazi Germany by saving fat in a can". Government experts estimate that we can reduce our oil consumption by about 3.3% using properly inflated tires. Why is that a bad idea?
The driver of the STE immediately ran to a novelty shop and began producing tire gauges with "Obama Energy Policy" printed on them. You can own one for a $25 contribution to John McCain. Does this sound like a campaign "run on the issues"? After eight years in office, is this the best the Republicans can do? After they have: run the economy into the ground, destroyed American prestige overseas, started an illegal, unjustifiable war, gutted the EPA and Interior and perverted the Justice Department, throwing spit balls at the other guy looks like a good plan. I guess when your current President has a lower approval rating than Eddie Murphy's latest movie, mockery is about all that's left.
It's actually rather sad. John McCain really sold himself as something different. He was going to make us forget Rove, Chenney, Rumsfeld, Addington, Gonzales, Goodling and all of the rest of the Bush brigade. Standing in the middle of a sewer, he was the man with the golden plunger. But that was then and this is now. The Straight Talk Express is a wreck now; left on the side of the political road along with McCain's principals and his convictions. If there is a moral to the story it's this...don't let Monica Goodling interview your next bus driver.
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