Monday, July 21, 2008

...or do we all just want to take a nap and wake up on Jan 21st?

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In a move that should surprise no one, the Environmental Protection Agency has devalued human life. The statistical value placed on a generic human life by the EPA and several other agencies, is used to determined whether a particular program can be cost-justified. The old figure was $8.04 million for each John or Jane Doe. The Bush EPA, in a move clearly designed to halt the rising cost of everything, has lowered your worth to $7.22 million. Frankly, I'm gratified it's still that high.

Considering the cavalier way in which this administration has: wasted human resources (4,000 dead in Iraq), slept through the suffering of Katrina (Is anyone still living in those trailers?), squandered natural resources(drilling is the answer to everything), ignored the warnings on climate change (no, it shouldn't be voluntary!) we already have a pretty clear picture of Little George's view on the value of humans.

This then is the ultimate symbolic gesture of what your government thinks of you. Your needs have been ignored, your safely neglected, your concerns discounted and now, your value reduced. The patterns of this administration could hardly have led anywhere else.

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The number of Mexican-born immigrants who have become U.S. citizens grew from 84,000 in 2006 to 122,000 in '07. Apparently, these people have determined that the only way to get rid of the Bush crowd is to become citizens and throw them out. You know your administration is a failure when even the immigrants want you replaced.

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Anyone who has the slightest interest in seeing Barak Obama win the White House in November should stop interviewing Jesse Jackson, now. The man has "Bill Clinton-itis". Every time he speaks, he distracts the Obama campaign who must immediately explain "What the Rev. Jackson meant was..."

Jesse, if you want to help elect the first black American to become the leader of the free world, become a mime. Resist the temptation to attach your name to this campaign. I promise that if Obama is elected, he will make you ambassador to Jamaica, or the Vatican, or someplace.

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Who needs Amy Winehouse? Rolling Stones guitarist Ron Wood, 61, has reportedly abandoned his wife of 23 years and barricaded himself in his Irish home with an 18 year old Russian cocktail waitress. Any additional facts would be superfluous. Long live rock n' roll!

By the way, has anyone out there over 40 ever heard Amy Winehouse actually sing anything? (members of various correctional facilities excepted.)

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Will someone please explain the fuss being made over the acquisition of Anheuser-Busch by ImBev of Belgium? Budweiser was urine before the takeover and it's a safe bet the new owners won't alter the formula of a beverage that's so popular with Americans. The company that gives the world Stella Artois and Becks will now be responsible for Busch and Bud Light Lime. This is the equivalent of Morton's Steak House gobbling up The Sizzler. Rumors abound regarding potential new brands including: Dreck, Dreck Select, Dreck Dark, Dreck Light, Dreck Dry, and Dreck Guava. All these premium brands will be available at WalMart.

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